21 November 2016

Hurt–Emotionally & Physically

Yesterday I learned that tin foil aka Reynolds Wrap can slice up your fingers just like paper.  It hurts worse than a paper cut.  Just a small slice in my pinky and the blood was flowing everywhere.  Took a few minutes to stop it but now it just hurts.  I’ll live though. 

So the emotional hurt came at Cracker Barrel.  CB Boy sat me for breakfast and just asked how I was doing.  I said fine and how about you.  It’s my normal response and he said busy.  That was it, nothing further.  I didn’t really find him attractive at first but like bacteria he grew on me.  Yesterday I finally connected the puzzle pieces and he reminds me of the first guy I had sex with.  I gather by his response he is not interested.  I mean come on were all busy but if you want to see someone you can make time, be it 5 minutes or just take a minute and give them a call.  After all he was given my phone number.  It really hurts to be rejected like this, much easier if you know from the outset that the other person isn’t interested.  My plan is to stay away from the place for a while.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder but time also helps heal wounds.  So this may work in different ways for him and I.  It would be nice if he called.  I did my best work yesterday trying to find out his last name but he is like a ghost and doesn’t exist on-line from what I can tell.  Probably better that I don’t know more about him, however that just makes me want to dig deeper, but I will let it go. 

I checked out a few new dating apps and they are all pretty well a bust.  I have one that I kept but will be deleting it soon called Elite Singles.  They matched me with one person, but they blur out the photo unless you pay them money, you don’t get to see the persons face clearly.  That is underhanded.  They also matched me with someone I can’t see.  Maybe he would be visible if I paid, but were not going to find out.  This whole on-line dating thing has been nothing but a fiasco and I am thinking of just calling it a day for now and dropping off of all of the apps.  You have the holidays coming up so the college kids will be home, people will travel, etc.  I don’t want to fall in love with someone who is only here for a week or two and then has to leave.

I have done a lot of thinking and really feel an emptiness without a guy in my life.  It truly hurts and especially now that the holidays are about to start.  I’ve been widowed/single for 3 years, you’d think I would have gotten used to it by now but that is not the case.  I am used to eating frozen food but it doesn’t mean I like it.  I really want 2017 to be the year of positive change, the year where I find a man and things just click.  Mostly I want to ward off bad or negative things and only have positive things happen for an entire year.  I hope I can make that a reality but I already know that with the good comes the bad.  Roll the fact of life theme song. 

The kids are doing okay.  I have concern for Ruth and am watching her.  I think she is allergic to something or a bug got to her.  She had some sinus issues last night.  She climbed up in bed next to me while I was watching TV in my chair.  She allowed me to pet her but eventually hissed at me.  Thankfully she didn’t snap and bite me.  Marv has his stomach issues.  Momma is crabby.  Bear and Insty both want attention.  See it’s never ending, everyone wants or needs something.  I hate going to work but it’s an escape for a few hours.  I worked downstairs over the weekend for several hours with no company, that is highly unusual but I enjoyed it while it lasted. 

I grabbed a bite to eat on Saturday at home and then was going to venture out to the cat food store and then come back home and start on cleaning.  Well that didn’t happen, my friend called and asked about getting together for supper.  I had just finished what I intended to be my supper, but I didn’t turn him away.  I figured he needed to talk so we met up.  Had a lousy and very expensive meal at PF Chang’s.  He stuck me with the check, that won’t happen again were going for separate checks in the future.  He ordered high on the hog and the bulk of the bill was his.  Turns out they still don’t know what kind of cancer his wife has but they have started two types of chemo.  They have to know but must be afraid to tell them because it’s probably not good news.  Then again people are told they are dying everyday so what is so special about this.  Better to know if your not going to make it, so that you can make sure you enjoy your last days on the planet than to not know and suffer hoping you will get better only to die anyway.  She is still in the hospital and no one knows when she is coming home.  Hopefully, she can be home for Turkey Day even though she can’t eat normally.  I saw the photos of the tumors and there is no wonder why she is having problems.  I hope that something positive comes out of this.  It’s literally killing both of them – she is suffering. He is thinking about his wife passing away and can’t focus on work.  It’s a mess.  Easy to say this too shall pass but those aren’t the words you want to hear when your going through this.  I only know because I have been there. 

So it was another fast moving weekend.  I got most of the stuff done that I wanted to.  I am so looking forward to Thursday.  Traffic wasn’t horrible for a Monday but still looks like most people went to work today.  I hope that is on the decline as we progress towards Thursday.  Enjoyed my heated seat over the weekend and again today on the way in to the office, what a nice feature to have in a car.  Friday my plan is to clean the carpet at home, let’s hope that comes to pass.  Very excited to get to Thursday, it’s been an entire year and I am so ready for it again.  Thursday night and Friday will be fun to listen to the police scanner for the Black Friday Shoppers and all of the calamity that comes with that. 

No concerns from the dentist, my cleaning went well.  My gums are a little sore but that should pass.  The hygienist scraped a little too hard in one spot and it’s bothered me ever since.  Thought I was losing a filling but that is not the case, everything is intact which is good. 

Now I look forward to having time off and being able to relax and not worry about the damn phone.  It was busy on Sunday morning but thankfully calmed down.  I had to go to the grocery store twice.  The first time I sat on the parking lot and read mail – had to go home.  Then came back after I solved a problem and was not happy about it.  Got all of the shopping done and was able to stay in for the remainder of the day.  Pulled out some long sleeve shirts and got them washed, probably will make the complete conversion this weekend since I will have more time on my hands or so I hope. 

That’s all I know, except that it’s time to scarf lunch.  Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.  Take care and we shall talk again soon.

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