A new week

Last week is finally over and now we march into a new week. What fresh hell will I encounter? I will be on-call and I never look forward to those weeks. It happens once a week, every 3 weeks. On-call is common in a technology job. I wish that I could find a role that had no on call. I don’t know what I would do be sides enjoy my life and power my phone off a lot more. Seriously, I feel like it’s a full moon when I am on call, the odd stuff happens or at the very least I get lots of problems. Once and a while I manage to get a quiet week and I’m kind of hoping that is what occurs this time around.

One of my favorite TV shows is coming back on Showtime, called The Circus. It’s a political show and they always seem to work food into the show, usually at the opening. Some of the dishes they eat look really good but they all have one thing in common, they aren’t cheap. Especially when your drinking liquor. My other favorite Showtime show is Shameless, which is supposed to air its final season and if COVID didn’t mess that up it should happen later in the year, but I don’t know anything for certain yet. Keeping an ear out to see what I can learn.

Anyways, I mentioned Showtime because I added it back to my TV package. I had a choice take just ShowTime or add another tier on for $3 more. I chose to add the Tier on, it will give me a few more channels, even though I can’t watch them all at once, I am charged as if I do.

When I paid my bills last week, I looked at my bill chart and saw what I refer to as surprise charges. Auto Insurance will start up again and since I get my mail at a PO BOX, rent will be due again. It’s really tight around here since I had to take a pay cut at work. I will be glad when that comes to an end and my income goes back to normal. I am thankful that I am able to keep paying my bills as normal.

I should have some money coming in when my mortgage company balances the Escrow account. I also just shipped my old phone off this morning so in a couple weeks I will have a check for it and then there is a medication rebate that I will be getting probably later this month or early next.

There is a new place that opened last year, it’s a burger, hot dog and ice cream place. I’ve never been and thought why not treat myself. I found out they serve Chicago Hot Dogs and that is one of my favorite things. They are damned expensive though. I got 3 of them and an order of Onion Rings. That was $16. They were very good and I forgot how filling those dogs were. I had 2 plus the onion rings last night. This afternoon I finished off the last one.

I managed to screw myself and not in the good way. My printer told me that it had a firmware update. I’m big on updates so I applied it. Now my counterfeit ink won’t work in it. I had to replace two cartridges before the printer would start up. Brand name ink is a killer on the wallet and if you can get the same thing at a lower price why not do it? I do realize it’s not genuine manufacturer ink but I think it’s wrong for a brand to hold you hostage and demand & require that you purchase their ink or you simply can’t print. I am a plan ahead kind of guy so I was fortunate in that I had brand name ink on hand. I ordered more reluctantly because it seems I have no other option. If you wonder where they make money in the printer business, it’s with the ink. They give the printer away for a low price. In some cases, it’s cheaper to get a new printer than to buy ink. If you purchase an ink jet printer that runs on cartridges or a laser printer that runs on toner, the originals you get in the box are only ½ full. The newer and more modern way to print is by getting a tank-based printer where you buy bottles of ink and fill the tank. They last for much longer but they also cost much more. I don’t print a lot which works to be a disadvantage to me because think of it liquid ink well it dries up and that means I have to replace cartridges more often because the printer sees the cartridge as empty quicker. I wish I was in the printer business; I would be rolling in the dough.

My Marvin got his feelings hurt last night and went off and cried then hide under the couch. I was able to lure him back out and then got on the floor with him for about a ½ hour. It was time dedicated to him. I was able to make him feel good by petting and scratching him. Plus, I did some grooming, which he hates but I want him to look his best even if he is old. He felt so good that he went back to my room with his sister and we spent the rest of the evening together. Normally he gets time with me on the couch but when Friday comes, I don’t want to be near the couch because I’ve been there all week. So, we hang out in my room. Marv is okay with it on Friday but come Saturday he wants his couch time back.

Gator god her water fountain cleaned and the filter changed. It’s there for both of them but she is the only one that will drink from it and Marv drinks from a bowl in my room. It was something I started when Momma was dying and I wanted to make it easier for her so she didn’t have to walk all the way to the kitchen just to get a drink. Ever since she passed, they won’t permit me to get rid of the bowl, so it stays to appease them. After all it’s their house I just pay the bills, buy the food and provide medical care. Trust me they live quite the life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s password change time for me at work and I am having such a difficult time thinking of something new. This is the only place where I don’t use a password vault to generate the password because who can remember random letters, numbers and symbols. Not this guy. Plus, I have to do some minor work and I’ve been putting it off. I can go another 5 days before my password expires but why wait when it’s this close might as well get it over with. You and I both know I will be mistyping it for a couple days.

The lawn guy came this morning which was a complete surprise because he wasn’t due to be here until tomorrow. I just wish that he wouldn’t have shown up when I had just fallen asleep in my nap. That woke me up. Then when he was done, Gator woke me up to tell me he was done. How thoughtful. Then I get back to my nap and Marv comes in and announces that it’s lunch time. No rest for me.

I’ve got some house cleaning to do which I want to do even less than changing my password. Then I’ll be making a frozen pizza for supper. Watching some episodes of Happy Days, a new Last Week Tonight and then it will be time for bed.

I got some new Steel Cut Cinnamon Oatmeal for breakfast that I am looking forward to trying. I hope it tastes as good as they did on marketing it. The cost wasn’t cheap either. Some how I managed to escape the grocery store and spend less than $100 but it wasn’t by much.

That is really all that is happening in my world at the moment. I hope that things are going good in your world and that you are all happy & safe. Take care and we will talk again soon.

Wrongfully Convicted

I watched the series Outcry, season 1 that covers the story of Greg Kelley.  Mr. Kelley is in High School and seems to have the world by the tail when he is wrongfully accused and convicted of molesting a child.  As the series unfolds you learn of a second victim who recants his story when the case goes to trial.  This was an amazing series that covered this story and how Mr. Kelley got a very raw deal.  He had several [5 in total I believe] years of his life taken from him.  He was set to go to College and play football and odds were that he would have gone pro.  That possibility still remains today.  I was beyond thrilled when I learned in the last episode that he was exonerated and found innocent of the charges he was originally convicted of.  He’s a very handsome young man who appears to still have a bright future ahead of him as well as some money coming his way from being wrongfully convicted and imprisoned.  If you have Showtime, I highly recommend watching this show. 

Much more familiar to most people is the Making a Murder documentary that aired on Netflix.  Where 2 people were convicted of murdering a woman.  If you’re somehow not familiar with this I also highly recommend watching this series.  I do have my doubts about the innocents of Steven Avery, but the more that time goes on the less and less those doubts remain.  I am 100% convinced that his nephew Brendan Dassey was wrongfully convicted and is in prison serving a sentence that he shouldn’t be.  He was spoon fed information and confessed to something that he didn’t do.  It’s outrageous that he has exhausted all of his legal avenues for appeal.  Just a very sad case and a life taken away from a boy who was mentally challenged at the time of his confession, he didn’t realize that his life was at stake.  He thought if he told the police what they wanted to hear that he could go back to school and resume his life.  Yes, I am 100% serious – it’s in the movie. 

Then there is the movie Dream Killer, which tells the story of Ryan Ferguson.  Who was also in High School.  Because a friend of his had a dream that he killed a newspaper reporter and implicated Ryan.  Both Ryan and his friend were wrongfully convicted.  Ryan ultimately was exonerated and found innocent of the charges he was originally convicted of.  Today he is free.  I followed this case as it was unfolding and it was mind blowing on how he got in this predicament because someone had a dream that he did it. 

Little do you know that its highly probable in today's society to be convicted of a crime or crimes that you are completely innocent of.  I do realize that most people that are convicted profess their innocence and say that the system failed them and the police have it all wrong.  That’s why once your found guilty it’s a complete uphill battle to get the conviction overturned and vacated.  Not to mention that Criminal Defense Attorneys [like all attorneys] charge a large hourly rate and it will require a lot of time and money.  If your lucky you can get a decent attorney who will fight for your rights on a pro-bono [free] basis. 

As you can well imagine there is countless amounts of emotions that these people experience, most of which is depression and sadness as well as anger.  However, when you see a wrongfully convicted person win the amount of joy that they express is uncontrollable and you can’t help but feel joy for them and shed a tear, two or in some cases many. 

One day my life changed forever.  I found myself the prime suspect in a criminal investigation for an incident that occurred.  Understand that I am being vague for a reason and I am unable to fully share all of the details.  In fact, saying what little bit I am is a bit risky in my book, but I am doing so just to help open people’s eyes that YES THIS IN FACT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!  Because it happened to me!  You’re living your life as an average upstanding citizen and some law enforcement official gets a hard on and wants to put you in jail because they think you committed a crime that you didn’t.  It’s only logical to conclude that the truth will set you free and that you can explain your way out of it.  Well friends, that’s where your dead wrong.  In the Miranda warning your given ahead of any questioning they say “anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law”.  That isn’t just a happy phrase it’s the truth, anything and everything you say is spun around and used against you, no matter how innocuous you think it is, to some sharp legal shooter they can turn everything around so that nothing you say appears to be credible, that’s their job, they are quite good and they do it for a living each and every day.  That’s the advantage that you don’t have. 

Needless to say, that I had the shit scared out of me, which is exactly where they wanted me to be since I wouldn’t willingly confess.  There was no evidence against me and without a confession law enforcement was powerless.  The best piece of advice I can give you is that if you find yourself in a situation like this, say nothing and demand an attorney.  That is your legal right and it’s better to let a person who’s job it is to defend people help you game plan and find an appropriate path forward.  Most criminal defense attorneys are used to working with clients that are guilty.  On a rare basis they get a client who is innocent and they can feel it and see it beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

In my case, my spouse had passed I went through several years of hell where I had to fight to keep a roof over my head as well as fight for what was legally and rightfully mine.  Get passed all of that, get a good job and I thought the worst thing in my life happened, I have survived a real-life nightmare and there isn’t anything worse.  Little did I know what was around the corner waiting for me. 

This involves my family and I fully believe that I was setup to take the fall [framed].  Something like this can divide a family and in fact it did.  On the advice of counsel, I didn’t speak with my family.  This was difficult because at the time my mom was in a nursing home because she could no longer care for herself, she had the physical ability but lacked the mental ability.  Sadly, I didn’t get to say goodbye to her and explain why I had to shut her out and that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life.  She died suddenly.  I have my doubts if my mom was in on it but if she didn’t request me to help her, which is what started the wheels in motion, I would have avoided this most unfortunate and frightening experience.  I blindly walked in thinking I was going to do a favor for her and little did I know that things would go awry. 

My family has always been jealous of me because I was able to make something of myself, that’s to say I was able to have a decent job and earn a respectable living.  There was no question that I earn more than them.  This is despite the fact that my mom and brother both had advanced education beyond me.  I was the one who was always told that I wouldn’t amount to anything and the tables turned because I fought to earn everything I have ever had.  I wasn’t given anything in life and to this day that remains true.  Fighting all of your life gets exhausting and you tire and want to give up.  There is a fight or drive in me that won’t permit me to give up, even when I want to and I am tired.  This surprises me to this day.  I am beyond grateful and thankful for what I have.  It’s not much but it’s far more than anyone ever thought I would have and it’s more than I imagined in my wildest dreams.

To think that everything could be gone in the blink of an eye that was terrifying.  I left for work each morning saying goodbye to my cats in tears, not knowing if I would return home.  I had problems concentrating at work, but somehow managed to do my job although I did make some mistakes.  I went to bed each night wondering if there would be a knock on the door.  Never mind the fact that I didn’t commit a crime nor do anything illegal.  I found out first-hand how exactly expensive hiring a criminal defense attorney is and I had to take out a loan to come up with the retainer and then shell out a considerable amount more to cover hourly costs and expenses once the retainer was exhausted.  I was never arrested or charged.  It was a horrible experience and one that I hope to never, ever repeat.  The most criminal offense that I am guilty of is speeding and I’ve been caught a time or two.  I have no luck, I couldn’t commit a crime beyond speeding and get away with it, my conscience would eat me alive.  I remember telling the police that if I did what I was being accused of I would own up to it but I can’t confess to something I am innocent of.  I do like to solve problems; I am better at solving other people’s problems than my own.  I think that might well be true for many people.  This matter was no different and I do believe I have figured out the guilty parties but on the advice of counsel I have to remain silent.   Yet to this day I want to scream from the mountain top and let them dig, if I am wrong so be it but odds are, I am dead on balls accurate.  I want someone to pay for the unnecessary hell I went through and the money that I had to piss away.  It matters not who that person or persons are.  I can keep a secret but this one is really difficult.  It’s frustrating that law enforcement didn’t see what was right in front of their face the whole time.  It was equally as frustrating that it took me as long as it did to figure it out. 

Needless to say, that my ears perk up when I hear about a wrongful conviction.  Watching a story unfold in a movie or documentary is of great interest to me and it’s nice when it ends with the person being set free.  Of course, it would be great if they were never convicted in the first place.  I hope that my experience has opened your eyes a bit.  I do hope that no one is ever in the predicament that I was in but if you are, my advice is sound and practical.  Say nothing and demand an attorney.  Doing anything other than that will work to your detriment. 

Crushing Hard

 

 

Looking for a companion, boyfriend, life partner, etc. is quite a challenge.  I think that our hetero sexual counterparts have it a bit easier.  Boy sees girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out and history is made.  Sure, it doesn’t always turn out like that but I’ve never heard of a man getting punched in the nose just for asking for a date.  I have heard of a guy getting punched in the nose for hitting on another man and many worse things. 

In my quest, I have suffered embarrassment and heard the word no as if I was a door to door salesman.  Rejection is a huge part of dating and it sucks.  It can destroy yourself worth and have devastating consequences, so you have to be able to brush it off.  That’s a very difficult thing to do, but somehow one manages to keep on going. 

What attracts me to a guy.  That’s pretty simple and superficial but it’s all about his looks.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  The problem is finding out if he’s gay, single and interested.  That can be the difficult part or it can be quite obvious, kind of depends on the guy.  Personally, my gaydar isn’t the greatest.  Just as my perception of age isn’t the greatest either. 

Presently, I have two members of the media that I am interested in.  The one thing that I have 100% confidence in, is that they are both of legal age.  I don’t know if either of them is gay, single or interested in me.  It seems kind of awkward to reach out by phone or email and out of the gate ask are you gay and single?  I mean if I got a call or email like that it would throw up some serious red flags.  I don’t want to be embarrassed publicly and I doubt either of them would do that.  I just don’t quite know how I am going to overcome this and let them both know that I am interested in them.  This has been a dilemma that has plagued me for quite some time.  Then throw in the pandemic and it really kind of messes things up. 

If you have had any number of jobs chances are good that you have been through some type of sexual harassment awareness training.  I have learned multiple times that it’s not harassment if you ask for a date.  That’s a single request.  You can’t badger the person and if they say no, you can’t continue to ask.  In most cases that is the definition of harassment.  Just putting that out there for what it’s worth. 

The one thing that I don’t want is to date a co-worker.  We can work in the same building for different employers but even that is stretching it a bit too far.  Often relationships that are formed through work can turn into giant nightmares if you are at odds with the other person.  I’ve seen it more than once and it’s not pretty.  It’s for that very reason why I don’t want to get involved at work with anyone.  Prior to this pandemic, I did used to see some mighty fine-looking guys.  Since the pandemic, I see some attractive guys when I am out and that’s nice.  If I see someone that I would be interested in, I would have to bump into them on a regular basis at least two or three times before I would consider making a move.  It’s something that I’ve never done so I would probably just be direct about it and ask the guy if he wanted to grab a drink or a bite to eat.  I think that conveys my interest and lets the other person know without directly saying, hey are you single, gay and interested in me. 

I have been known to shy away from the aforementioned method of asking about getting together for a drink or bite to eat and just being creative.  I did that with a waiter once and he was gay but just not interested so rather than crushing my soul, he made up an excuse that I saw right through but understood. 

It’s right about now that Rolling Stones song comes in …. you can’t always get what you want.  Yeah, it’s true regardless of how much money or power you have.  Although I am quite confident if I had money the guys would be lined up beside my so-called long-lost relatives.  Considering where I am at right now, I would easily consider being a sugar daddy if I had money.  Since I don’t have money, well, there is no cost for dreaming. 

If you have any ideas or thoughts, I’m all ears.  Chances are this will turn into one of those roads not traveled and I will always be left to wonder, what if.  I know there is another guy out there for me.  The difficult part is finding him.  I don’t really want to go through all of the typical relationship BS with trial and error, rejection, finding out this one isn’t right and moving on.  I just don’t think I can take that.  However, I do realize that my chances of finding Mr. Right on the first try are slim to none. 

I met my late spouse when I was much younger and he was considerably older.  When he needed someone by his side, he knew that he could count on me.  I’d like to have the same stable person to count on that would be there for me.  I would really like to avoid dying alone but I kind of think that is what is going to happen.  My knowledgeable late spouse often told me, there is nothing lonelier than a lonely queer.  I used to nod my head in agreement.  Little did I know that someday that lonely queer would be me. 

Passwords & Security

Good Day, I hope that this finds you doing well.  Today I thought I would switch things up a bit and write a Technology article.  

Everyone has at least one but probably more than one account that requires a password.  Passwords are like physical keys in that they are a bit of a pain.  As you evolve you will undoubtedly have to create passwords for more and more accounts.  What is the best method?  How many characters should I make it?  How will I remember it?  When should I change it? 

Best practices are not to use anything simple.  Most people use something that is easy for them to remember but also easy for others to guess.  At least one of you reading this article has a password that contains at least one of the following … a current or former pet’s name, your house number, part of your social security number, a spouse’s name, a crushes name, part of your name or the numbers 123.  Passwords are personal so folks tend to personalize them.  They aren’t license plates and no one should ever know them.  What to do? 

Your best bet is to sign up for a password manager.  This is essentially a vault where you can securely store multiple passwords the advantage being that you only have to remember the master password aka the password to the vault.  Be careful because if you lose the master password you will lose access to your vault.  Some password managers will choose random passwords for you to use on sites/accounts that you need.  Your best bet is to make a password lengthy 16 characters or greater to be more specific.  Some older systems won’t allow for super long passwords but use as many characters as possible.  Change your passwords on a regular basis.  Every 60 to 90 days is good but at a minimum 1 time per year.  Whatever password your using, do not tack an extra character on the new password, make it totally different. 

There are many password managers on the market.  I found an article that PC Magazine put together that outlines the Best PasswordManagers for 2020.  Give it a read and hopefully it will help you make your choice.  Most password managers are free but paid versions offer greater features and they aren’t terribly expensive.  If you have the extra cash I would recommend paying for the extra features. 

The best approach in security is to have layers.  In addition to having complex passwords it is also best to enable something called Two Factor Authentication [2FA].  What is that? 

Two-Factor Authentication (2FA) is sometimes called multiple factor authentication.  Adding one more step of authenticating your identity makes it harder for an attacker to access your data. This drastically reduces the chances of fraud, data loss, or identity theft.  This is typically something physical.  Back in the day businesses used small devices that fit on your key chain called RSA tokens.  Today you can use a cell phone and have as many digital tokens as you need.  Usually this is a 6-digit number that randomly changes every 30 seconds.   

In order to take advantage of 2FA the provider of the account needs to have it available for you to use.  Most financial institutions, some health care providers, some email providers, both Google and Apple as well as other organizations take advantage of 2FA.  If it’s available I suggest enabling it. 

Some organizations use SMS or text messaging to send a code to your cell phone.  This is old school and has been proven to be insecure but if it’s the only option offered take it, as it’s better than nothing. 

Just like Password Managers there are multiple 2FA managers.  I recently learned of an app called Authy and it seems great because the key advantage is that it lets you backup your data as well as run the application on multiple devices which makes it a bit more convenient.  Personally, I like a push notification to my phone and then to acknowledge yes, I approve or no I reject rather than having to look up what the present 6-digit code is.  But that is a personal preference. 

I found an article that outlines the Best 2FA authenticator apps in the hopes that it will assist you in making a choice. 

I’m looking to avoid a potential headache from posting this but I want to be polite at the same time.  Suffice to say that I work in IT to generate an income/living and to have a career.  I am not looking for side work.  I actually avoid it like the plague because as soon as you touch a machine the next time something goes wrong, you get the blame.  If you have a generalized question or two, I don’t mind providing some feedback or my opinion but I don’t want to embroil myself in any issues.  Hopefully, you understand.  I don’t expect anything like this to happen but I want to put it out there to be safe.  I do hope that you find this information useful and helpful.  That is the purpose/goal of this post, as well as to educate/inform.  

Take care and I will talk with you peeps again soon!  Be well.  

Memory Lane

It seems lately I have been taking trips down Memory Lane. Be it in thoughts, dreams or in blogging. I figure I’ll travel a little further down the road here.

It’s been a very long time since I had to think about comment moderation. Today I saw a private comment that made mention of a second blog that I have. My original blog EL HOMO BLOGO was where I made my start. I had a great readership hearing from guys (young & old) all over the world. It was awesome and I was much younger. It was a fun time. I did something silly and started up a second blog that was focused on gay sex. I was posting explicit images as well as graphic original stories that were fantasies of mine (the names were changed to protect the innocent, as they say). I had the mature content warning up (the banner you see about being over 18 and having to click a button). There were a lot of gay blogs that were mysteriously shutdown all at once. During a period of time where I believe Blogger changed owners. It wasn’t terribly long after the big shut down happened, that they started to pick off others one at a time. Taking into consideration that some of my content most probably pushed the envelope and violated the TOS [Terms of Service] of Blogger at the time, they whacked both of my blogs since they were linked to the same account. I appealed and that went no where fast. For years I tried to get the original name back. I had no way to reach out to my readers and let them know what happened and my fun came to a halt quickly. Needless to say, I was quite upset about it and thought it was unfair.

Years later I found that my original name for my blog was once again available. I was quick to scoop it up. I made a post to let anyone know that might visit the old blog to come on over to my new virtual home. That blog has 2 posts on it one from when I was able to get the name back and one from today, both of which point you to this blog. While I have two blogs registered to me, I only publish regularly here. I like to hang on to the original name for nostalgia and maybe the hope that I could get a former reader back.

Being 100% transparent I got off from looking for material to publish as well as publishing the material and writing the stories. I don’t think I was wrong for doing what I did, but I will still refer to it as a mistake. The thing about mistakes is that as long as you learn from them and don’t repeat them it’s okay. Consider it a life lesson. When you know better, you do better. 

It’s very nice for a platform such as Blogger to give away an endless amount of space to people [such as myself] for free to publish their blogs, regardless of content. Thanks Blogger! I have learned from the error of my ways.

Considering that I have new readers, the true joy of blogging is coming back to life and considering that the world at large is on lock down it’s refreshing to have something to look forward to and to get enjoyment from.

Funny story, I chose the name EL HOMO because one of the guys I used to work with at quitting time always said, okay time to go EL HOME-O, meaning returning to home. I thought it was cute and a perfect name for my digital home.

On a different note, today was a rough day at the office so I am looking forward to some R&R with the kids tonight. Hopefully, I can find something decent to watch to occupy my time. I hope all is well in your world and that you are safe. Take care and I will talk with you peeps again soon!

Ye Old Tuesday

Welcome back!  I thought we all could use a laugh so I posted some YouTube videos that I found humorous.  I hope they at a minimum bring a smile to your face and at a maximum cause you to laugh. 

It’s been a long time since I had other blogs to link to, but I am thankful that time has returned.  So you should notice a new gadget – widget or web doo hickey that shows ‘Other Great Blogs..’ I hope that the list will grow with time and it will provide everyone some new blogs to check out. 

While I enjoy posting about my day I also like topic writing and actually think that I far excel at writing about a topic vs blathering on about my day.  I’m giving though to what topic to consider next.  If you have ideas or suggestions, fire away I am all ears. 

Not sure what others use to blog but I have a process, which I am actually circumventing today because of a lack of time.  Normally I compose my post in Word.  Then I have the computer read it back to me, just to hear how it sounds.  In case your wondering, no I am not blind.  I catch things with the audio that I don’t see right away.  When I am done and ready to publish I fire up Open Live Writer.  It’s a free program.  I started years ago with Live Writer by Microsoft.  MS discontinued the program and the Open Live Writer project was born.  I have issues with inserting video or images so if I want those I have to go straight to the blogger web platform and insert or add those items there. 

As for my day it was average.  I am behind on some personal tasks but all is well and under control at work.  The beggars are hollering for me because they want their supper.  It was kind of funny last night I fed them first like always.  I hadn’t even gotten my dinner from the microwave and they were yapping at me because they wanted their noodle time.  I call it noodle time because Marv turns in to a limp noodle when he is next to me on the couch.  Gator climbs up or should I say makes me lift her up on the love seat and then she curls up and falls asleep.  It’s not really until they are out cold that I can play on my phone.  If they see me with that gadget in my hand they do everything they can to vie for my attention.  They hate my phone because it sometimes takes away from their time.  Hey I hate my phone too but only when work is on the other end. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Stay safe and come back again soon.  Talk with you peeps later!

Humor

Depression

Most everyone gets depressed from time to time, but you bounce back. However, some of us don’t bounce back and stay in this state. When I was growing up my mother would constantly say she was depressed. I didn’t know what that meant until I got older.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back I have always had some bouts with depression, but it really took a firm hold and became front and center in my life, when in the early 2000’s my now late spouse was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. It was caught at an early stage and the treatment options were Chemotherapy and Radiation. Unfortunately, his body responded to radiation by causing the cancer to grow. The cancer was then in an advanced state and the survival rate was mediocre at best. The day of his surgery outside of the day he passed was the single longest and most trying day in my lifetime. I knew things were bad when he went for his surgical consultation on a Monday and the surgeon wanted to operate on Thursday.

I have to inject some humor here, I mean it’s only appropriate, right? Digressing for a moment. So, the day of his surgery my mom was with me. He was all prepped for surgery and we got to see him before they got started. The anesthesiologist was asking my mom if he snored. She quickly responded I have no idea. To which the doctors retort was well ma’am you sleep with him so you should know. That’s when she said nope, I’m single but my son here sleeps with him. The doctor said you mean those two are. She said yes! It’s like suddenly he’s talking in the 3^rd person and he forgot we were there. I spoke up and said yes, he snores like a freight train. Everyone got a good chuckle and honestly, we all needed it, tension was high.

Back on point. Thinking that he was going to die just sent my brain into information overload. I didn’t want to eat; I didn’t care about anything but him and I just wanted to self-isolate and hide from the world at large. I had to be able to continue to hold a job, which meant going to work. I had to be there for him and be able to function in general. That’s when I asked my doctor for help and my world as I knew it changed forever, but in a very good way.

I tried a few different drugs some light and some heavy. 1 in particular was given to people who were psychotic but the side effect that it caused was that you didn’t care about anything. My problem on that was I didn’t care about anything and didn’t want to do anything but mostly sleep, it was as if I was in a trance and I felt horrible. That was after 1 pill and I knew I had to get away from that drug quickly. Fast forward to finding what worked for me. Wellbutrin and Effexor. Once we got the schedule and doses figured out Wellbutrin is my morning pill. Effexor is the afternoon pill. Too much Effexor and I get ED (Erectile Disfunction) and that in and of its self will make you depressed. I can fight against it but I have to do a lot of work to achieve orgasm and that’s just not how I want to live. Once I had a therapeutic dose in my body, I began to think more clearly and see things in a different light. No, everything wasn’t rose colored and I didn’t suddenly turn in to a positive upbeat person. Sure, chemically it altered my brain & thinking but it didn’t remove reality and I still thought about how I would manage once he passed away. Little did I know at the time that he would go on to beat Cancer and survive. It was a very long and scary road but after 5 years he was pronounced Cancer free. I really wish at the time of his diagnosis I had a crystal ball and could see into the future, not very far but just far enough to know that he would be okay. He fought and he won, but it changed us as a couple and radically altered our sex life, which lead to other issues. He had a colostomy and it’s not attractive and the smell, well it’s the most foul you can possibly imagine. Totally not his fault but reality was that I didn’t want to be anywhere near it.

Despite the fact that the battle was won and over for all intense and purposes I elected to remain on the anti-depressants. One day I opted to try to quit and just stopped taking the medicine. In 4 to 5 days I learned why that was not a good idea and I got seriously ill. You can’t just stop taking them, you have to taper off of them slowly. I’ve done that a couple times and always get to a point where I am close to the end, but can’t finish. My body gets slightly ill and everything is off, it feels bad. I always revert back to normal by starting back to taking the medicine like normal and in a few days, everything sorts it’s self out. I think I will be on these drugs for the rest of my life, it’s not something that I wanted long term when I signed up for help. However, reality is what it is.

My true problem here is that I struggle with death and dealing with it. Regardless if it’s a friend, relative or pet. It’s a forever change, meaning the person isn’t coming back and you’re not going to hear from them again. That’s the struggle. I understand that death is part of life just as much as birth is. However, it seems rather silly to be born only to eventually die.

The one side effect of depression that I have yet to overcome is insomnia. That might explain why I drafted this post at 3am. Prior to the pandemic I would wake up on occasion in the middle of the night, especially if something was really bothering me, causing me to worry. Now it’s just random and for no reason, other than I think stress. Give it about an hour and I get sleepy and will be back in bed. Then morning rolls around and I drag ass all day long. Working from home has 1 advantage in that I can take a nap. Me and my cat Gator look forward to an afternoon nap every workday. We eat a quick lunch and then she climbs up in my lap, I play with my phone for a minute or two. By then she is all comfy and falling asleep. Soon I follow, until the damn phone goes off or there is a noise and then it’s game over. I’ve also been able to sleep for an hour at a time when I just didn’t feel like working and had to sleep. I am a baby when it comes to sleep, if I don’t have it, I don’t function well [or if severely depleted I won’t attempt to function]. Not that it matters but I did address my insomnia with my doctor and have medication for that as well.

What do I want you to take away from this post? Simply that depression is real, there is treatment for it and you can overcome it. It’s not the end of the world and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. It won’t be an overnight thing but in short term with treatment you should be able to regain control and feel much better.

Just because I am on medication probably for the duration of my life, doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be. Were all different in many ways. Depression can happen to anyone at any age and for any reason. The important part is recognizing there is a problem and seeking help.

Thanks for stopping by today, take care of yourself and be well. I hope by sharing my story that it helps someone.  Talk with you peeps again soon!

In case your new here

Welcome and thanks for stopping by. In case your new here, I wanted to tell you about me. I’m gay, but you probably figured that out by the title of my blog. I have a witty and also a dry sense of humor. I believe at least some of it was inherited from my late grandmother or so I’d like to think. I am verbose or in simpler terms I like to talk. Sometimes that can get me in trouble and other times it keeps me out of trouble.

I am in my late 40’s, I am out of shape but with a little work that can change. I am a type 2 diabetic and have a lower back injury. I’ve got an ongoing battle with depression, but outside of that I’m well. I prefer the air-conditioned office to working manual labor. I am a masculine guy. My taste in men varies but in general a little bit but not too much muscle, smooth but not overly hairy. I am most definitely an ass man. The smaller the better and of course there is nothing wrong with a bubble butt. I get that there is more to a man than his body and while I can look for hours at beautiful men and obsess at the end of the day, I’m not about the hook up, I am about building a relationship so I don’t have casual sex, ever. It sounds like fun but just not my cup of tea. I love food (hence part of the reason why I am out of shape). Italian, Mexican and American are my favorites. I can be a picky eater. I don’t like exotic things or gourmet food. Give me something classic like a Burrito, Lasagna or a Pork Fritter. Sweets are my downfall. Donuts, Cake, Pie, Ice Cream, Cookies and most any kind of pastry. My childhood neighbors ran a bakery and they were forever giving my family things from their shop. I think that is part of the reason why I just love sugar.

I was together with my spouse (an older man) since I was around 18 or 19 years old. It’s around 25 years total that we were together. While we were together for years, we weren’t married until 4 months before he passed away. He had lots of health problems but as long as he took his medication, he was fine. Long story short he became confused and like me he had a love for sugar. He stopped taking his blood thinner medication for what is estimated to be around 3 months and began consuming Coca-Cola like it was going out of style. He thought he was taking his medicine but in reality, he wasn’t. There were signs and plenty of them but I didn’t realize it until it was far too late. He had a massive 2^nd stroke (the first one happened many years back, after a doctor gave him too much clotting medicine while he was undergoing a surgical procedure). He was on life support and I had to make the decision to remove it because there was no chance for a meaningful recovery and/or a quality life. While it might sound like an overwhelming decision it was actually the easiest thing I have done. Don’t get me wrong it was difficult but we had talked about it and expressed our wishes. We had legal paperwork to back up our decisions so they were in writing. We always thought that he would go first and it’s probably better that way. He was my rock and shield, he taught me a lot of things in the time we were together. Like in any relationship/life there were good & bad times. I wouldn’t be who I am today without having met him.

Once he passed away, I didn’t and still don’t care that much for living. I am going on for one major reason and that is the cats. My hope is that I will meet a guy and fall in love, that will be reason enough to go on and hopefully I will once again find happiness. At the time he [my late spouse] passed away I had a menagerie of 7 cats. 5 of them were family. I took in a pregnant female cat years earlier and she had 2 boys and 2 girls. He named her children (I got to name her) and once you name them, your stuck with them. Say what you will but it’s the truth. I did try to give them away and he claims to have tried but it just didn’t come to pass. Earlier this year I lost Momma that pregnant female I took in 17 years ago. She never, ever for a second forgot that I was her savior. After my spouse passed away, she did a wonderful job looking after me like a mother would and reminding me when it was time to wake up, time to go to bed and of course time to feed her and pay her attention. 1 of her sons and 1 of her daughters are still with me. Her daughter has taken her place, in that she is looking after me, while it’s not the same thing I can easily see the resemblance.

I was raised by my mom’s parents. I had a relationship with my biological mom but never met my biological father, because he chose to disown me. After my grandfather passed away in 1998, we got a house and moved in together. He wanted a brand-new house and I am the one who gave him the idea of just buying one that was on the market. He had a dream to one day live in the subdivision we are in. I am not quite fond of it at all but like any good husband I supported him and his dreams as he supported mine. The place was a few years old but in excellent shape. Once we moved in, we found issues and it quickly earned its name “The Money Pit” yes, just like the movie. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the movie just minor things but it was frustrating. The house is getting old just like it’s occupants and it needs work. I am not a handy man or a mechanic, nor am I a wealthy person. I am barely middle class. I have a few nice things but a large bank account isn’t one of them.

As you can well imagine it felt like my world came to and end when he passed away. We weren’t open about our sexuality. Those people that needed to know, knew but otherwise as a couple we elected to keep it quiet. Once he died, I was all too eager to tell the world as I wanted to do many years earlier. There was hurt from that and he told me that would happen but at least I don’t have to feel like I am hiding. I don’t walk around with a shirt or a bumper sticker and I am not out at work to the company. I have told my boss and a few co-workers. I made the mistake of telling a former co-worker and one day we didn’t get along because she turned into a cunt, then she announced it to the office behind my back. I of course didn’t find out until the damage was done. Sadly, many more people than I want to know, know but it is what it is. I am a private person and don’t like to live in the limelight.

I am not boasting or gloating but I have dealt with a lot of shit in my lifetime and been in plenty of situations where it didn’t look good for me. Somehow things managed to turn around and I survived. There is absolutely no doubt that my late spouse would be nothing short of proud of me and who I am today. Knowing that also helps to keep me pushing on.

I don’t really have any friends. That is a scary thing when you find yourself sick or like now when there is a pandemic. I’ve got a married older couple who I refer to as my thanksgiving friends. They have been by my side from the time he got sick and died but with time our relationship is slowly starting to fizzle or so I feel. I am always calling them; they never call me except when it gets close to thanksgiving. I make reservations and we go out to eat as a matter of carrying on a tradition that me and my late spouse set many years ago. I don’t think that will be the case this year with the pandemic looming, but hey we still have a few months so it’s possible but I don’t have high hopes.

I have been on countless dating websites and apps. I went on 2 dates. One of them was because I agreed to pay upfront. The other guy was poor or claimed to be. The photo he sent me was touched up because in real life he was covered with warts and you could easily tell he was gay because when he spoke, his purse fell out of his mouth. He tried to get me to come back to his place and I know he wanted sex but that didn’t happen. He poured on the pressure for weeks, to the point where I had to be an asshole and just tell him to leave me alone. The second guy well he was younger than me, had wealthy parents and he was more interested in being on his phone than on a date with me. He ended the date abruptly by running out of the restaurant. He just suddenly had to go and said keep in touch. Yeah, we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Striking up a conversation on an app is difficult at best. You start with a hi how’s it going and get a hello and fine back. Then it’s awkward really quick. I don’t like alcohol and I am not a smoker, which is why you won’t find me at a bar.

COVID has really put a halt on my dating efforts. I found a website called meet up where you can join a group of people who have a common interest, the group meets up in person and that’s how you make friends. There are plenty of LGBT groups and one of them happened to be a foodie’s group which I thought was perfect for me. They decided to still meetup after the initial ban was lifted in our area but that was just too risky for me. I have since dropped out and have plans to rejoin once life returns to a state of normal. I hope that I will be able to meet a guy that way. It’s kind of tough to ignore a person when they are sitting across from you, whereas in digital form it’s really easy to ignore someone.

Speaking of digital form, that leads me to what I do for a living. I am an IT Professional. I started out in support where when someone forgot their password, I would be the person they called or they didn’t know how to work a program or the machine was doing odd things. Yeah that was me, Mr. Fix it to the rescue. I am 100% self-taught. I graduated High School and have 0 college and 0 certifications. Today I am a senior cyber-security analyst protecting a large organization. I am thankful in that anywhere I can get an internet connection I can work. My employer prior to COVID wasn’t terribly receptive to working from home but today the entire organization is working remote. I am really particularly proud of my professional accomplishment. People actually seek me out to ask for help or my opinion, it’s really great. My employer takes care of their people and as of tomorrow I will be there 6 full years and hopefully with many, many more to come.

I’ve got a brother who is one year younger than me. We are polar opposites. He likes girls and manual labor. I like boys and air conditioning. We were brothers when we were younger but that quickly came to an end. We have been estranged. He’s my brother and I have a love for him but every time I get around him something bad happens. He’s more of the white trash type person and that’s not how he was raised but he met a girl and she has smothered him, cutting off all of his friends. I’m convinced she killed our mom but I can’t prove it. I think she is working on killing him next and it’s just best for me if I stay as far away from them as possible. He married her a year ago after they broke up, he just decided one day that he couldn’t live without her and snapped. She is a money grabber and he’s dumb enough to give her all of his money. I feel my blood starting to boil, so I’ll just leave it here.

That’s me in a nutshell. For full disclosure, for my safety Jeremy Ryan is a pen name and not my real name. I knew a long time ago when I started blogging about the dangers of a digital world and like it or not the danger is real. What I write about is stuff that has happened to me. Nothing you read here is made up it’s all 100% the truth and nothing but the truth, with the obvious exception being my name.

A month or so ago I lost a blogger friend who knew my real name, we went through something together. I knew for sure that she was reading my blog each and every day. Outside of that I honestly don’t think an actual human being is reading on a regular basis, hey I could be wrong. I don’t get many comments and that is what lead me to arrive at that conclusion. Recently I found a couple of new blogs and have started posting comments and I think those authors and some of their readers may potentially be reading and I hope that is the case.

I realize this is a bit long winded, but I told you I was a verbose person. I blog for two reasons. One to share what is going on in my life, it’s therapeutic. Two because there might be something, I am going through that someone else can glean knowledge from or that I can help. I get that life in and of its self is difficult, but then throw in your sexuality to the mix and it becomes a bit more complicated. Coming out is a personal decision that you alone have to make. If it’s not safe or you don’t feel comfortable my advice is don’t do it. Once you let the cat out of the bag, that is information that you can’t take back and like it or not people do judge you, even though were in 2020 not everything has changed with the times. We sure have come a long way!

Thank you for stopping by. I do hope that you will return on a regular basis and if you feel so inclined leave a comment. If there is something you want to know ask. If there is a topic, you’d like to see me write about holler. I get that not everyone feels compelled or comfortable to leave a comment. Just so you know privacy is paramount with me. All comments are in moderated mode, meaning I have to approve them before they get published. I have had people in the past say things and let me know they didn’t want it published; I respected their wishes.

While it’s my blog I want everyone that chooses to visit to feel comfortable. I think were all here (on earth) for some purpose. My purpose I feel is to help others. Take care and be well. I’ll talk with you peeps again soon!

Itchy – Scratchy | Update

Hey we finally made it to the weekend. Hello again Saturday you son of a gun, where have you been hiding at? I love Saturdays they are the best day of the weekend, your done with the work week and it’s your first day of freedom. Sunday your still free but eventually if you’re like me you start thinking about heading back to work and get depressed.

Anyway, I broke open the foam and found that I ordered way too much once I got to applying it. The gap that I applied it to wasn’t nearly as wide as it looked, which is both good & bad. Now I have a ton of spray foam and nothing to do with it. There is a white decorative wooden post on the front porch that the gutter is attached to. I found early in the year that part of it was rotting. I opted to inject some foam into it. What I didn’t know is that it was hollow and I wound up with foam coming out of the bottom. It looks horrible now but I am stuck with it. Worse yet, it’s orange foam so it’s not like I can hide it. SOB.

After about an hour I opted to go back out and tackle the clogged gutter. I purchased a gutter cleaning extension pole that hooks up to the hose and blasts water, so you don’t need a pressure washer and can stay off a ladder. I figured this was a great buy considering last time I fell off the ladder twice. It was a great buy but I think it only got part of the job done. Water is flowing out of the gutter but clearly there is still some obstruction and I need to get up on a ladder to find out what is going on. I am hesitant but once I do climb up, I am putting what I refer to as chicken wire, to help keep debris out in the hopes that I won’t endlessly be cleaning the damn thing.

I got next to ivy, which I think is poison ivy and something managed to get in my eye. Not to mention the mosquitoes still love me. When I was done, I got undressed (as in naked) in the garage. Don’t worry the door was down, I am not the neighborhood streak. Although I do think my neighbors know that I like to walk around my house in the nude in the morning and evening. Once I was undressed, it was inside and into the shower. Cold water never felt so good. I was hot and it didn’t help that Gator came in and was meowing at the shower curtain because she was hungry. I had to splash some water on her to get her to go away. Then listen to her express how hurt her feelings were. Honestly, I didn’t much care I was more interested in getting clean and hopefully washing any oil from the ivy off of me. Every itch I have now concerns me but I’ll know soon enough if I have it or not. I am hoping for not.

After the shower I got Gator & Marv their lunch. Then grabbed an ice-cold Diet Mt. Dew and sat in my chair to cool down. Eventually, I wound up in bed and tried to take a nap. My blood sugar fell since I didn’t have anything for lunch and I was really close to passing out. I ate some chips n salsa but that didn’t do it. So, I devoured what was left of the awful red velvet cake I bought. That did the trick but it took a little bit of time before I was back to feeling 100%. I rested some more in my chair and then got up and started moving.

Before leaving I remembered that I had a coupon for the pet food store. It was 10% off for an order of $40 or more. I left it at home and said I don’t spend that on food. Yeah well don’t you know my bill was $42. I have no luck. I grabbed my mail and prescription. I wanted to grab a bite to eat but considering the cake I had about an hour earlier I chose to head home. Several hours later I had a frozen dinner that wasn’t the greatest, but it did provide some nourishment. The kids [Marv & Gator] got their supper.

I am here in the dungeon of a basement, where I spent most of my days working. Only now I am catching up on personal stuff like paying bills, getting my old phone ready to ship and blogging.

I had a change of heart about trading in my old phone with my carrier, only because I found they aren’t going to give me but $60 when Gazelle will give me more. Needless to say, I am going with Gazelle because I like and need money. The new phone is all up and running fine. I got my tempered glass applied and grabbed a new Mophie. The battery life on this new phone is just amazing, when my old phone would drain in nothing flat, this new thing is like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going and going and going. I will be going days in between charges instead of having to charge it every night. That will take some getting used to but I like it.

Tomorrow is grocery shopping day, house cleaning and general last day to relax and unwind before I go back to the bump & grind. Ah well it occupies my mind and time. I have put in for some vacation and am waiting on approval. I won’t be going anywhere but to the doctor and maybe the hospital for a blood draw. Outside of that it will be a staycation considering the current events of the world.

I read a post on FB from a childhood friend who is now a teacher. He thinks were all cowering to the virus and afraid of it. Yeah, I kind of am, considering I have multiple risk factors and can get it more easily than the average person. In any event his point was that he wants to go back to teaching in the classroom and thinks that we should all just be brave. Yeah okay, you be brave go back to the classroom, just make me your beneficiary. I understand wanting to go back to “normal” I think we all want that but now is not the time and August won’t be the time. We have a fundamental flaw in that our leadership is incompetent and incapable of handling this crisis. Until someone with a brain is in charge and we just push pause, go back to lockdown and start over and much more slowly re-open. Get a vaccine for this and/or more rapid treatment then and only then will it be safe for everyone to go back to normal. If you want to engage in risky behavior and ignore the guidance that the scientific community has suggested well then, I think you deserve what you get and there’s no sympathy from me. You do you and I’ll do me. I think unless I self-destruct from going insane from being isolated, that I’ll be here for many more years to come, while others won’t because they did a dumb thing.

I know that I likely have some new readers and I am not a political person; I tend to keep that out of my blog but right now COVID-19 has upended the world and its part of my reality as it is yours. With the moron we have in charge and how badly he has fucked up our country and how many needless people have died from this, all because someone doesn’t know how to handle a pandemic, I can’t help but express my utter frustration and disappointment. Those probably aren’t strong enough words but I am angry like many other people. At the end of the day I just want my “normal” life back. I think if we had more competent leadership that the picture, we look at today would be vastly different.

Goodnight for now. I hope that your doing well and staying cool in this hot summer heat. Be safe and well. Take good care of you because you’re the only you that you have. No one else can be you but you!

New phone–mad cat

Wednesday was a wild and wacky day at work. A simple task turned into a Tornado and much drama but I survived. I was on edge waiting for my phone to arrive. Every Amazon package that was scheduled for delivery all came before the FedEx person showed up very late in the afternoon. I figured they would arrive at a most inconvenient time as well as the fact they would want a signature. Nope they just dropped the box and left. Anyone could have picked it up but no one could have activated the phone, so I soon found out the hard way.

This was my first phone by mail upgrade. Apple did a great job of making a transfer utility to get information from the old phone to the new phone. They force you to upgrade IOS on the new device to the latest before they will do any data transfer and there is no skipping that part. I had some issues with the transfer process and only had to start over 1 time. Then everything was smooth as silk the phone was up and running. The instructions I was provided said to follow the setup of the new device and then try to make some calls; the new phone should auto activate. Yeah well that was dead wrong. I had to login to my carrier’s app and then into a web page designed for activations. I had to authenticate and then tell them that I really wanted to activate my new phone. It took a couple minutes. They said you could use the old device until the new one was active and to power cycle the new phone. By the time I did that the new phone was all set. I made some test calls and confirmed it’s all up and working. Unfortunately, to get some apps setup I had to return to the basement to be in front of a physical computer and while I was here, I elected to go ahead with the corporate setup of the phone to get our authentication app for two factor setup and corporate email on my device. I did everything myself and needed no help from anyone because I have the power. That was really nice and it was super simple.

When I climbed the steps close to 9p to get ready for bed, I was saddened to learn that Marvin was deeply upset with me. He ate a little bit of his treats and then crawled under the couch. I went over to talk with him and he just wasn’t having it. He permitted me to touch him but expressed his displeasure with his voice. I felt really bad. We had spent a short time together on the couch and then I had to dash back to the basement so his daddy time got cut. I value our time together as much as he does.

Sadly, I have to do a bit of work tonight as well. I plan to break out my laptop and do it from the couch. It’s a task that can’t be performed during working hours but hopefully it doesn’t take terribly long. I’m kind of over work after yesterday.

I suppose Gator knew all about her brother’s feelings so she decided to comfort me by spending time in my lap as I watched TV in my room. She was kneading her claws and I wasn’t paying attention until they dug into me for a split second. She didn’t draw any blood but it did hurt.

I was exhausted and had no trouble at all falling asleep. Gator woke me at 5a this morning because she was cold. I got her to jump in bed with me and I was holding her she was on top of the comforter and just radiating heat like nobody’s business. If I wouldn’t have been in bed, she would have been under the cover hiding and trying to stay warm. The AC was in the process of turning off but it never moves fast enough for her when she gets cold, she doesn’t mess around in trying to get warm. It’s funny but I was not amused at 5a. Needless to say, I didn’t really get back to sleep and by the time I was comfortable the alarm clock was going off.  Thankfully Marvin and I are back on good terms this morning.  I am making sure he gets extra attention today to try to make up for yesterday. 

Today has been better, but knowing that I have to work tonight doesn’t make me terribly happy. Outside of that life is going well. The foam I ordered should arrive tomorrow. The weather looks like it’s going to be HOT for the weekend and then more rain is moving in the first part of the week. So hopefully I will feel like getting my fanny in gear and doing some work. I made an impulse buy and got a gutter scoop, it showed up today and it’s pretty neat for $3.45. Beats getting your hands dirty.

I hope all is well in your world and that your taking care of yourself. Hang in there one more day and then were at the weekend again. Talk with you peeps again soon!

Babbling on and on

Hello Blogger Universe I am still alive and kicking!

Over the weekend I watched the Netflix series “Down To Earth” with Zac Effron. He does appear shirtless in the series a couple times and yes, he has a nice body. While I wouldn’t kick him out of bed if he were there, he’s not my first choice only because there is a little too much hair on his chest. I like a smooth or smoother guy. Anyway, the series was quite informative and I saw things that I would never otherwise see, so if you need an escape from this crazy world do yourself a favor and check out the series, it’s quite worth your time.

Last week I got an email telling me that I could join a class action lawsuit against Apple for performance issues. The benefit is $25 which will be paid once all the dust settles (takes a few months or in some cases years). Thinking nothing of it, I opted in. I mean its free money that I am entitled to, right? Why not join. Over the weekend I happened to check on my device’s battery performance (as I do from time to time) and was stunned to see that it’s no longer in Peak Performance as it has been for years. It now says Service. I find it quite coincidental that this happened after I opted into the class action suit. It feels like Apple is seeking revenge. Well they got it. I have a new phone on order that should be here hopefully before weeks end. I opted for the SE in Red and the base model at 64gb, which is plenty. I am coming from an iPhone 7 at 128gb and I have barely scratched the surface of using any space on it. The best part of this is that I will trade in my old device for credit and it’s in like new condition (minus the battery performance) so I think it’s easily worth $100 if not more. Gazelle says $97 but I am choosing to trade in with my carrier, which I haven’t done before. I will get credit to use towards paying a bill or two maybe if I am lucky 3 bills. Taking a 30 month no interest loan seems like a smart decision rather than forking over all of the money up front, but I’ll likely pay the device off early if things work to my advantage. The best part of this is that my case and screen cover should fit the new phone so I will save myself money not having to invest in new accessories – that was one of the selling points, the other was the price and the fact that I wouldn’t have to switch to face id. Eventually I will have to give in but I am good for a couple more years hopefully. Never got a phone shipped to me either, so that process is new. I just hope this all turns out okay and I have high hopes that it will.

I’ve got another home improvement project on my hands. We got a hell of a storm that came threw the area. I saw water pooling by my front porch and there is soil erosion. Not the best thing to look at but having had a prior mold issue I know what the future holds if I fail to act. Researching a solution, I found 2 options. Of which are, Foam or Mud Jacking. It involves drilling a hole in the top and then injecting concrete (if you choose the mud option) or foam until you see that the crack has been filled completely. Foam seems to be cheaper and cover a little stronger but the mud option looks to be the preferred way. Considering that I am not made of money and don’t want to hire someone as both options are best done by a professional, I got creative and came up with my own solution. They sell gap & crack foam in large tubes and you can purchase a gun to inject it or spread it in a more controlled manner. That’s what I did, I shelled out some money and bought a bunch of foam & a gun. It’s on the way and once we have a dry day and I feel motivated I am going out and spraying foam. I talked it over with a younger co-worker and he seems to think it seems like a logical DIY way to go. I just pray I am making the right call here and this actually does the trick like I envision it will. I know foam helped me save the day with my mold issue inside after the remediation was done. The one thing that I neglected to notice until the order shipped was that I ordered bright orange foam. I wasn’t given a choice of colors but if I was that wouldn’t have been one that I would have chosen. Hey at least the house will look festive for Halloween. Actually, if I manage to do this right no one will notice from a distance, you will have to be up close. Once it cures, I could always chop off any excess and then cover the outside with concrete and no one would be the wiser. I don’t know that I will go to those efforts until or if I get to a point where I want to sell (this money trap) and move.

Being depressed over the porch I signed up for some just for fans porn. I am subscribed to a porn star who just looks for random guys in addition to other porn stars like himself and they hookup anywhere. I saw videos in stairwells, hotels, airports, bathrooms, movie theaters, and even a Wal-Mart bathroom. It all seems really hot like he is living life on the edge and well he is. It’s a turn on for me but not something that I would actually do. The risks as I see them are far too great. Not to mention getting caught but what diseases you might pick up or with my luck the guy who pretends to be gay only to be a straight gay hating person who tries to murder me. Yeah, no thanks. However, I am enjoying what I see. I’ve signed up for 3 months and then I am done and plan to walk away.

The cats both seem to be doing okay and they are both rather chatty and demanding. Give one a bit of attention and the other one has to have it as well. I was asked by a co-worker for tips on working at home. He’s got a younger cat who won’t leave him alone and wants to play all day long, which makes it next to impossible to get any work done. I remember those days but I am thankful that I have senior citizen cats who just want to sleep and eat all day long. They don’t bother me much. I do wish they were younger only so that I could hang on to them longer but I am enjoying the ride for what it is. I savor each moment and day I get with them, knowing full well that our long journey together is getting closer to the end.

One of many things that I want to eat is a Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza. I can’t find a frozen one in the grocery store under any brand. Everything is cheese, one topping or supreme. I could order one but not really craving it that much. I haven’t eaten out or gotten take out or fast food in a very long time. I’ve been eating mostly on heat & eat prepared stuff from the grocery store opting to get away from the traditional TV dinner. Well for money saving purposes I am trending back to the TV Dinner and noticed that Stouffer’s has a few new additions that thus far are quite tasty. Blackened Chicken with Pasta in a white crème sauce! Macaroni & Cheese, Broccoli and Fried Chicken was also good.

I know there is plenty more that I could add but that will have to hold things for now. My work day is done and I am eager to get away from the computer and go see my furry family. Just wanted you to know that for the most part all is well and it’s just another day on house arrest here. If the rain & storms would go away that would make me a little bit happier, were getting pelted lately and there doesn’t look to be any end in sight for the next few days. Oh fun!

I hope your all doing well. Stay safe and take care. Talk with you peeps again soon.

Mundane Monday

The workday for Monday is about done.  Nothing terribly exciting to write about.  I got to see a new Phishing tool that we are going to use internally against our employees.  It’s pretty slick.  A little cumbersome and confusing to understand but I think I will get the hang of it.  I’m sure that we will be back to Phishing in no time at all.

I yelled at the new guy this morning.  He tried to shovel his way out but kept digging himself in deeper.  It was not fun at all but I need him to know the right way to do things.  He’s been making some little mistakes here and there that a seasoned person by now should know better.  He’s there to help me but I have to micro-manage him to an extent to ensure that things get done and then double check the work.  He is much better than the dope that we were stuck with for two and a half years.  I don’t want him to get to that level which is why I yell.  I need a person who will be there to help me not to hinder and drag me down.  I think I made my point and I told him that I didn’t enjoy being mad at him. 

I was able to get in a nice nap with Gator.  We curled up in my bed and my phone was on the night stand.  No one bothered us until it was time for me to get up.  I was very happy about that.  It’s like the phone has ears and as soon as it knows I am about to get comfy it sends out a distress signal that says pester him.  When I woke up I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then it was off to a meeting. 

The afternoon has drug by slowly but that is the way Monday’s go.  I had a nice breakfast of Cinnamon Oatmeal, a Lemon & Blueberry Muffin, a Banana and washed it all down with a small glass of milk.  Marvin got me up at 3a and I am not exactly sure why.  I did notice that the wireless tv box in my room lost it’s connection.  I had nothing better to do so I got up and paired it back up.  Then watched TV for an hour and was finally able to go back to sleep.  He just meowed loudly like he wanted attention not the yowling that I had months ago when it was his knee.  Lord knows I worry about him and his sister way too much. 

In being bored today I dug up my last letter to my late spouse and had the computer read it to me.  It took me down memory lane and reminded me how far I have come.  Time stands still for no one [my late grandfather was forever reminding me of that].  I do think he would be proud that I was able to keep the family together, land a decent job, get a mortgage and push forward as difficult as it has been.  I miss the company, his touch, his cooking and companionship.  He was always proud of me but after his passing it truly was my darkest hour and I’ve come a long way, as they say.  The bigger question now is will I make it out of COVID.  I have my doubts. 

I’ve got a classmate/friend in AZ and he had cancer and beat it.  He tested positive for COVID.  Sounds like he is recovering at home but he feels really bad.  He’s a traveler, drinker and fitness freak.  He lives life on the edge and eats way healthier than I do.  That might explain why he looks better than I do as well. 

Tonight’s plans are to wrap up on that Lifetime movie.  I didn’t get to watch part 3 last night.  I got lost down a YouTube rabbit hole watching old Tom Snyder videos.  He was really a great host and reminded me of a friend that I had.  It’s a shame that both of them are gone but no one lives forever [my late grandfather also was forever telling me that too].

Hope you had a great day.  Talk with you all again soon!  Be well and stay safe.