The Meet & Greet

What an emotional day it’s been.  My emotions have had quite the workout since last month.  If I only got that much in exercise I would probably be on my way to being thinner. 

This morning I went out for breakfast per usual.  Saw the waiter, said hello and kept moving.  When I was done with my meal and headed back to my car it was spitting snow flurries.  I took that as an affirmation that things were going to be okay.  I began to pray as I drove to the grocery store and then the water works turned on I kept them in check so that I could drive. 

After my grocery shopping I came home and sacked out like I typically would.  I suddenly thought of it as a Gator nap, just because we would sit together and both of us would fall asleep, her first and then I would follow. 

I woke up and moved to the basement to get in front of the computer to log all of the money I just spent, catch up on email and of course porn.  Then I got a text from the person that setup the Meet & Greet asking if I wanted to move the time up.  I did so that meant I needed to get moving. 

Came up had my left over dinner for lunch so that I didn’t pass out while I was in the middle of meeting the cats.  Then did the dishes and got on the road. 

I of course was early by 10 minutes and had to stand around and wait but it was time well spent.  There were a couple of other people looking at them.  Then they would move on and I would go back and look at them.  It was just like yesterday the girl was in the corner and the boy was in bed sleeping away.  They seemed really relaxed. 

The lady showed up and told me that they might hiss at me and it could take them more than a couple minutes to warm up to me.  I am apparently the pussy cat whisperer, I’ve got something about me that cats are just drawn to me like I am cat nip.  They both warmed up to me right away and the boy started giving me kisses.  At one point he decided I needed to have my face washed.  That felt kind of good, a little exfoliation. 

They like me and I like them.  However, a big part of me wants to pass just thinking that I won’t get to travel and I will once again have responsibilities.  They would also force my hand into moving on.  I would need to clean up the house so that it’s a welcome home for them.  There is a part of me that likes being all alone just for the freedom that it brings.  I can truly for once in my life do exactly what I want and there isn’t anyone to tell me differently. 

I explained my concerns to the lady and told her about how I really haven’t given myself enough time to grieve the loss.  However, while I could pass on them if the time came when I was ready then there is a pretty good chance that they wouldn’t be there for me.  I am the only person that has an interest in them presently.  However, with the others that have been looking at them and even people showing up while I was visiting I think that if I do pass on them that they will have a home pretty quickly.  However, they have been there since September of last year. 

If you know anything about me it’s that I hate making decisions but the time came where I needed to say yes or no.  I used a third option of maybe and setup a second Meet & Greet for Thursday considering that I will be off.  I can visit with them any morning at 8a but they are about a 1/2 hour away and the only time I could see doing that would perhaps be on Thursday if I get impatient. 

I can string this along probably for one additional session but I plan to try to resolve to make a decision on Thursday.  I’ve chatted with a couple friends and they are pushing me to move forward and take them.  I can make all of the excuses that I want to but based on what they have heard they say that I really want them.  They are in a way replacement cats but they will never replace what I had just because it’s different personalities and it would be a fresh start for all 3 of us.  They are young enough and healthy that chances are we would have a long life together.  The one fear that I raised is that how is one going to get along when the other one passes.  The lady told me that some animals that are bonded like that will go on to pass without their companion and others will make it, it just kind of depends on the make up of the animal. 

I can also take them and if I have second thoughts or feel that I made the wrong move I could give them back, and the give back has no time limit on it, meaning that at any point I can exercise that option. However, the poor things have been bounced around and I would be their 3rd home.  3 is supposed to be a lucky number.  You know 3rd time is the charm.  That doesn’t always apply but as a rule of thumb it seems to be the case.  I am pretty adamant that if I give them a home it’s a forever thing and there is no going back to the shelter regardless of how I feel or what they do.  If I would get seriously ill that might be an option on the table but I am pretty serious about my commitments and don’t take them lightly. 

It’s scary to think about what I am actually agreeing to if I take them.  All of the food, the medical costs, litter, time as well as the emotional and physical bonds that would form.  It’s kind of like I am signing up to have my heart broken in the end again.  I honestly don’t ever want to bury another pet but expressing interest, visiting with them and then walking away doesn’t really seem fair to me or them.  I want no hurt feelings for anyone, especially the cats. 

This feels pretty right and the longer I have time to think about it the more that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  It really sucks having to make a decision.  I struggle with ordering from a menu unless I know what I really want.  It’s paralysis and overwhelming.  Business decisions are slightly easier for me but I make choices all day long the last thing I want to do is come home and have to make a choice.  I am old, I am tired.  Regardless of what I decide I want to be fully comfortable with my decision and I want it to be the best possible thing for all involved. 

Time for a shave and shower, then some sleeping medicine and well back to Monday and the crazy emotional week that will follow.  I think that I am going to have quite the workout this week and not just because I am getting a massage.  I so look forward to that though the knots are killing me.  Once a year for a massage is far too long to wait, I need to go more often but massages are like anything else in this world, expensive and finding a good massage therapist isn’t easy.

Talk with you all again soon.  Take care and be well.