Fear No More

Yesterday was a very busy day.  We had some in house training to attend and that meant that disrupted everyones day.  We did it in groups of two so there was a morning phone shift and people in training and the same for the afternoon.  I was on the phones in the morning and in training in the afternoon.  It was supposed to be about HIPAA but they kind of got off topic, plus we were also talking about security.  At some point in the training the moderator said something about living your life in fear and how that was not a good model for one to live their life.  It was in that moment that I realized hey I am not living in fear anymore.  I no longer work for the Jewish Ass, I no longer have to worry about if my partner is going to pass away - he already did and last but oh so fresh I don't have to worry about BLU and if he will be okay.  Getting these things out of the way was rough but each brought me great knowledge and I learned something from each and everyone of them.  

From the Jewish Ass - never trust anyone, people will say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

From the loss of My Partner - It's important to have the end of life conversation early on so others will know what your wishes are.  To say I love you each and every day to those that you care for because someday you won't be able to.  That closing out another persons life it a misserable, labor intensive process that can litterally take years.

From the loss of BLU - Appreciate your pets, because unless you have a bird chances are you are going to out live them.  Money spends really quick at the vet and having available credit or money set aside for their health care is important.  Vet's are people too and chances are most of their diagnosis process is simply a guess.

So things are a little easier now that we are approaching the weekend.  It's been a very long and horrible week.  I got a sympathy card in the maiil last night from my vet.  I knew it would be coming.  It didn't affect me at all, by that I simply mean I didn't break down and cry.  I did reflect back on memories that I have had with him.  I've been doing that perodically.  I was surprised that all of my content of BLU (pictures and videos) is limited to my phone.  Holy cow!  I will be working on geting it transferred to my PC quickly, so that it can be in 2 places and backed up twice.  Memories and photos are all I have at this point.  

The rest of the children are getting used to having quiet around the house.  TAZ is starting to seek me out for attention and as well for food.  He lays by himself and I know he's got to be wondering where is my friend at.  I keep talking about BLU to him and telling him that he isn't coming back.  I hope that it sinks in.  I also tell him that we only have each other and we made it through one death, we will make it through another.  That is whhat we do, we are survivors.

So my co-worker that helped me out sent me a thank you e-mail.  My boss who I know has to have received the card and gift I sent for Bosses Day has yet to reach out to thank me.  I am starting to wonder if she ever will.  I asked a friend about it last night and was told give it a little more time and see if she says anything.  It really sucks when you have to seek people out to get a thank you for giving them a gift  

On-call hasn't been terribly bad.  Last night all was quiet.  This morning at 5:30 someone needed help, she never said it was urgent so I let it sit and she called two more times - then I said ok deal with it.  I did and wow turns out there was an outage and I was fortunate enough that I only got 1 call and not 40 calls.  Things are all better now and I picked up an extra 1/2 hour of time.  We got her fixed and damned if she didn't reboot and we had to fix her again.  I was later than normal leaving the house but thanks to my lead foot I was able to get to work with plenty of time to spare.  

I had a plan for the weekend to get cat food tonight, wake up early on Sunday and get groceries.  I believe I am just going to proceed as normal.  I went back and looked at last weekend 3 calls on Saturday and Sunday - that was it.  I hope I can get away with that or less and I hope they are easy if I get any calls at all.  Easy is what I like, you fix it and move on to the next thing.  I will essentially be chained to my house but then again if you think about it, I am usually home on weekends.  I really want to get away and go for a drive but that will have to wait.  Right now I am feeling the effects of getting up early, waking up in the middle of the night and all of the other sleeping hiccups that happened this week.  I need some good sleep with no interuptions.  For now I just have to put up with it until Monday at 7am and then I am done until December when I get to play the game again.  On-call at other places I worked was much worse.  This so far has been a walk in the park, I hope that experience continues.

So I am getting ready to go back to work and swap out a laptop.  It will be a grand ol time, I hope that everything works like it should.  I have to repeat this process 3 more times within the month.  Looking forward to putting that in the past as well.

Have a great weekend and I will try to do the same.  Weather is supposed to be pretty good, so who knows maybe I will go crazy and open the windows.  The children would love that!  Talk with you peeps later.