Difficult Afternoon

I woke up not feeling the best.  I’ve got a sinus infection brewing.  I used an app on my phone call Dr. On Demand.  It’s a video conference between you and a licensed physician.  Had technical trouble on the first call, the second call went through just fine.  It’s $40 for a call.  I will only be charged once.  The doc called in a script to my pharmacy. 

Unfortunately when I went to get it, the pharmacy was out of it.  Several pharmacy's in the area do not have it in stock.  It’s not a common antibiotic, it’s very old school but it’s the only thing that I am NOT allergic to that does the trick.  I had to call around and finally found that the grocery store pharmacy had it in stock.  Cool, I rushed up there and got it.  First dose is on board and 2nd dose will be on board in a few hours. 

I had to beg Shy Girl to eat this morning.  I think that she might have a touch of what Blu has, but I am not for certain just yet.  I don’t want to jump to conclusions and run up a huge bill for nothing.

Mr. Blu has had a 2 degree decrease in his fever.  He is super cranky.  They would like to send him home this afternoon with me having to give him fluids and pills to try to fix the fever issue.  That is way more than I want to sign up for.  If I could do all of that here then I wouldn’t need a vet.  They thought that he might have Toxoplasmosis so they started treating him for that, it’s another antibiotic and it takes a few days before it kicks in. 

Here’s my problem I have already spent $1k and that is way outside of my price range.  I honestly don’t think that this is something that can be fixed or if it can it’s something that will take much more money and time than I have.  I’ve been crying most of the day but I think it’s time I let go and put him down.  I REALLY DO NOT want to make that bold move but I think it’s safe to say I did more than give him a fighting chance and we at least tried what we could.  He is so young it feels so wrong to just give up.  However, unless they can show me some progress that is what I believe I am going to do.  Rather than call, I am going over they will of course want payment for the additional services and I would like my carrier back plus the chance to say goodbye to my buddy.

I’ve prayed and begged God to please make him better.  To please show me a sign that he is going to make it and that it’s worth the extra money.  I want him back and to be able to enjoy for at least a few more years.  If there is something that I need to do I will do it, just tell me.  Please don’t punish my animals and put me through this torture. 

I am so tired of dealing with death.  I am ready for my own death so that I won’t have to face the issue again.  This really has me quite worked up and emotional, as one would expect. 

So I’m off with a little food and one of his favorite toys.  Let’s hope for good luck but I honestly don’t think there is much of a chance.  Will let you know.