21 February 2013

Shooting Snow

Yesterday I was sitting in my office, doing my job.  I heard 3 gun shots.  Not long after that I hear sirens of a police car.  Then an ambulance and finally a fire truck.  Turns out there was a chase on going, instead of pulling over and giving up.  The guy stopped his car in the middle of traffic, shot at the police and ran like a rabbit.  Not sure if they found him but they spent several hours looking for him.  This was close to quitting time.  Thankfully it happened away from my route home, otherwise I would have been at work a lot longer than I planned for. 

Today we got dumped on with a Winter Storm.  I made it to work in record time.  It was like a major holiday.  There were few people out.  As soon as I got in the office people started leaving.  There wasn’t anything happening at the office, but in their neck of the woods it was getting bad.  Finally it started around 10:30 and that’s when I was told I could go home.  Thank God, the news I was waiting for all day long.  I kind of goofed off a little.  I did some work but I wasn’t driven to dive in because I knew it would only be a matter of time before I left.

My car started off clean from the garage.  By the time I got home my wipers had iced up and apparently so had my brakes.  I went to stop and felt a pulsing sensation.  I braked that much harder and thankfully came to a stop.  It was a close call because I thought I was going to hit the guy in front of me.  That’s when I knew it was far better to be at home than to be out anywhere.

The big question is what about tomorrow.  We have more freezing drizzle on the way over night.  By 6AM it’s still supposed to be a mess.  I leave the house by 7:20 and usually am at work by 8 am.  I don’t go in right away but at least I am there.  I think tomorrow will be one of those judgment call days.  Where if you find out it’s horrible out, turn around and go home.  Otherwise if you can make it great.  I am fairly certain that I will make it and also certain that they will keep me for the full day.  Which kind of sucks since it will be Friday.

I didn’t get bothered much today while I was at the office.  As soon as I hit the car the phone started vibrating away.  Buzz, Buzz all the way home.  Then once I got home it got worse.  Just a couple of e-mail exchanges, phone calls all in all I would say about an hours worth of work total.  I got the rest of the day off.  I spent it napping and watching TV.  The kids were really happy.

Now it’s once again time to call it a night and I really don’t want to. However, work is work.  People are dropping like flies and my senses tell me that my job will become more demanding.  Therefore, my eyes are looking to see what other opportunities are around.  I am not eager to leave but if I get an offer with more money and better benefits, I have to take it. 

On a totally different note, I must confess that it has become very obvious to me that I am not happy.  I feel like the spark fell out of my life.  Not exactly sure why I feel this way.  This might be the Winter Blues but I have a feeling it’s more than that.  What started it all is my partner telling me that he said ever since I took a job (years ago) the serious side of me came out and the fun and daring side went into hiding.  We used to have all sorts of fun but now it seems we argue more than anything.  I know we love each other.  I just wish that I had that spark back in my life and felt happier.  I see myself going back into debt and that doesn’t help either.  I’m not head over heels in debt.  It’s a small amount.  I hate living paycheck to paycheck.  I just put my foot down and decided tonight that no matter what I have to save a minimum of $50 from each paycheck.  If I don’t look out for myself no one else will.  I am also responsible for my happiness but I don’t know what to do to make me happy.  I think a lot of my unhappiness stems from my long bout with unemployment and the grump unpredictable bastard that I am working for now.  A change in jobs I think would do wonders for me.  However, since they took a chance on me and helped me out in my time of need (despite the shitty treatment at first) I feel like I would be betraying them if I left.  Plus I finally have an office, I can work autonomously for the most part and the money isn’t bad but it could always be better.  The benefits however t-totally suck.  If you have any worth while advise on how to make me happy, feel free to pass it along.  So long as your not Dr. Drew (yes that was a pun). 

Okay time to call it a night.  Talk with you peeps later.


Jude said...

Sounds like it's not fun to drive anywhere there right now...

Most likely your unhappiness stems from not being 100% comfortable that you'll keep your job because of the way things seem to go there, and also because you're so worried about the state of health your hubby is in. It's a lot to be unhappy about.

Since you are asking for advice, the only tip I can give you helps me (and many others I know) when things are not going well. Start writing down every day what you have to be thankful and happy for. It can be little things, all the things to be grateful for that so many others don't have. (a roof over your head, someone who loves you, food in your belly, clean water at your disposal, your faith, etc. etc. etc.) Saying them is one thing, but actually writing them down just makes it hit home harder.

I'm not in any way trying to downsize your unhappiness my friend, I understand it and validate it. But this is how I can turn things around for me emotionally when I'm stuck in unhappiness or stress. I have to remind myself that so many people have it much worse than I do. That helps.

I wish you luck, I understand.... (((((hugs)))))

. said...

Hey Jeremy...catching up on the blog. I don't really have good advice on how to be happy but I think we all get that way from time to time. I'm not sure if mine is because of the weather or my own job working hours. I work from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. and I sort of miss working day time hours. I'm also doing volunteer work so that keeps me busy for two days a week as well. I guess it's important to be upbeat but often times it's hard to feel that way when you have the pressures of the world and your relationship dragging things down. Hang in there...maybe a new job might help...and something where you feel you are making a difference in people. That might help build up your spirit too. Have a good weekend!!