The Call

Well I made the call today to the Mortgage company.  They have to submit a research request to get all of the paperwork I submitted.  I offered to resend it but they told me it would be easier for them to pull what was sent over.  Okay.  So call back next week.  Really?  Okay so that is what I will do.  At least it wasn’t bad news.

One of the places I went that had WIFI prior to my start has been bugging the crap out of me that there WIFI isn’t working.  It sounds like they have a bad port on their router.  I can’t see my boss spending money to fly me up to fix something that would take a couple hours.  So I told them to contact a local guy and have him call me. I would explain what needed to be done.  That is the best I can do, I am only one person.  The bitch that called me was really nasty and of course I had to hold my tounge and just listen to her bitch. 

My day started off bad when I was just about at work, I stopped at a red light, but went a little bit into the cross walk.  There were pedestrians coming but they were no where even close to my car.  They looked at me and asked me if I could read – meaning didn’t I see the red light.  Of course fucktard that’s why I stopped. I should have revved the engine but that probably would have escalated into something bigger than I wanted or needed. 

I had plans for making progress today but looks like those are in the trash can.  I’ve been bothered with other things and well I’m only one person.  I need a helper to keep on top of all of this.  However, I just tell myself one thing and one day at a time.

I did put in and get my days off.  That will be nice.  I have thought more about the union situation with the death benefit.  I am modifying the draft letter of appeal and sending it.  If they don’t respond with payment then I will use one of my days off to explore suing them and what it will totally cost me.  I don’t need an attorney in small claims court.  I also don’t know that I will win, so this could easily be money that I am out.  However, modifying the letter and mailing it is minimal cost.  The law suit is what will be the major expense.  Nothing says I have to follow through but maybe they won’t want to find out.  From what I have researched in order to get payment out of them if there is a dispute you have to sue and they are all too happy to go to court.  So my threat will be just that to them, if I actually follow through then that will be another story.  I am tired of screwing with them and they have angered me beyond belief.  I mean it’s my time of need and they want to pick a fight.  If they hadn’t told me about the benefit I would have never known and life would be going on without me having this grief in my life. 

Last nights mail brought me a refund check for $16 from the phone company.  I got tired of going to the bank so I figured I would use their mobile app to make the deposit.  Yeah, until I found out they charge a fee for depositing via the app.  The only way to avoid the fee is to visit the ATM or a local branch.  So I ditched the app and stopped by the ATM this morning.  Simple, over and done with and didn’t cost me anything but gas and time.  This bank is fee hungry and they will bleed you until you can’t bleed any longer.  Most everything you do there has a fee associated with it.

Storms looked to be rolling in this morning.  However, now the sun is out.  We were around 100 degrees yesterday.  Hot Child In The City!  Good day to watch all of the guys cut grass or just walk around shirtless.  Bad news is I didn’t see any. 

Supper last night was Chicken Pot Pie followed by a popsicle.  I watched a couple episodes of Reba and that was it.  Tonight I am having the BBQ in a tub.  Not sure if I want Mac & Cheese or Broccoli.  Decisions, decisions.  I will be eating out tomorrow night but again don’t know where because there are too many choices. 

I have a lunch date tomorrow with an old coworker.  She is supposed to meet me but I just have this feeling like she isn’t going to show.  That’s why I always bring my lunch, so if plans fall through or someone is a no show I won’t go hungry.  I hope that she does show and that we have a good time. 

Mashed Potatoes & Gravy my lunch time is about up.  I used some of it for work, but I’ve done my share of goofing off today as well, so it all evens out.  Guess I will get ready to go back to the salt mine.  You peeps take care and I will talk with you later.

1 Busy Guy

Yesterday I got the idea that if the present company that insures our home won’t write a policy in the name of the trust, that it is time to reach out to someone that will.  Chances are pretty good that the house will be in the name of the trust for a while.  So I reached out to the company that wrote my Renters Policy.  My Agent there seems to think that he can write a policy that will help me out.  I told him that I wanted to give our present insurer a chance, because our agent is on vacation this week.  I sent along copies of all of the legal docs that he would need.  Now I am playing the waiting game.

I did the math on Bankruptcy payments my guy has made and there is a considerable difference between what he actually paid in and what he is getting credit for.  Apparently the Trustee disburses funds in an odd manner, which doesn’t seem right and/or fair to me.  I got a website to take a look at that will show me some details.  I have to register for access, which I will do tonight.  I am also waiting to hear from the other firm I wrote.  Plus I am told there are Bankruptcy Message Boards on-line that should be able to help me as well.  I really want to walk away from this.  It’s a struggle to make the house payment and this is an added expense that I just don’t feel I should be burdened with.  However, it it turns out the advice I have been given is correct then it’s an insurance policy and I will probably keep on paying the bastards.

So as you probably gathered it’s lunch time here.  I wolfed down my food.  I was thinking about the lunch time conversations that I used to have.  I looked forward to checking in at lunch time to see what was new and to discuss what was the plan for supper.  Now I have no one to talk to at lunch time and I have to figure out what is for supper, which is subject to change until I actually get home.

Last nights meal was Stouffers Meat Loaf  & Mashed Potatoes.  I threw in a side of Broccoli and there you have it.  A meal small enough to be called a snack.  I was so hungry but I just told myself that was it for the night.  The cats on the other hand wolfed down their food and then asked for 2nds.  I of course gave in. 

I want to eat out but getting home late and then having things to do plus the children being mad at me, well I would just as soon go home.  I mean I will wind up there sooner or later.  I have discovered that having good music playing helps make the place feel a little bit more occupied.

Against my better judgment I paid $14.99 to own a Lewis Black standup routine via Amazon.  I can’t stay awake long enough to watch it from start to end.  I got the tail end last night and he was on a roll.  I started playing it over got a couple laughs and then I am waking up to go to bed and turn it off.  When I sit down at night and go to watch TV it’s not long before I can be out of it. 

Very much looking forward to the weekend.  I have preliminary plans to make it to Sam’s Club again, buy a pair of shoes and eat out a couple times.  I am still kicking the idea about pie around.  I thought about going to a place we frequented for Chicken and Pie, which is much closer to home.  They only take cash and I’ve got some of that.  That might be my Friday night dinner, not sure yet.  I know I want to make it to IHOP because they have Jelly Donut Pancakes which sound yummy.  I love bakery and no doubt I will love these pancakes.

The one thing that for sure will happen is I am going to take a nap.  I look forward to laying on the couch.  To have one cat between my legs and another sitting on my chest. As we all just drift off to sleep.  Picturing that right now makes me want to head home and sack out. 

Thus far this is the first week when I haven’t reached out to a friend when I got home.  I have been calling him often.  I’d like to wait it out and see how long it takes him to call me.  However, I am sure that I will have some type of news either good or bad and will be compelled to reach out to tell him.

I don’t know why but I feel compelled to write this.  You can’t be with someone for 20 + years loose them either to death or a breakup and instantly get over it and move on.  I know I am young but this man was my life and all that I had known for well over 1/2 of my life.  Moving past this will take a whole lot of time.  I have my moments but for the most part I am coping with it better than I expected.  You say you can’t live without someone, when the truth is you just don’t want to live without them.  I am doing all sorts of things that I never in a million years thought would be possible to function once he passed away.

I’ve got my paperwork filled out for my two days off.  I will be asking for them later today.  I don’t expect any problems as I haven’t been off since I was out on bereavement back in April.  My anniversary was in May at which time my PTO bank started over.  I lost 8 days but they were so kind to give me time I feel like it’s a wash. 

Yeah the clock is still ticking.  Lunch time is about done and it’s back to machine heaven.  I forgot all about icing my hand last night.  It’s getting better and looks more like a sore now than a bite.  I have a feeling in a couple days all will be back to normal.  What is driving me nuts is what looks like a small pimple on the outside of my wrist.  It itches like mad.  I am not sure if it came from a cat claw or if it’s connected to whatever bit me.  This morning I decided to pop it and it’s calmed down some.  However just mentioning this makes everything itch again.  Funny how your mind thinks of things when it’s idle but when your occupied you concentrate on what is in front of you and forget about so many other little things. 

Two more days left in this work week.  I hope they fly by as fast or faster than my lunch time does.  Well time to hit post and get back to it.  You peeps take care and I will talk with you later.

Life Update–Tuesday

I don’t remember every little thing, so if this is redundant I apologize.  Friday I got paperwork in the mail about a $275.00 fee that the bank wanted since they sold the loan.  It’s something that I will have to pay.  It will be figured into the monthly payments and will amount to like $5 extra per month.  His attorney had to figure out how I am supposed to sign the documents to revise the Bankruptcy plan, since I am not the debtor. 

I have gotten so many bad vibes from this guy and I used him as my attorney.  I honestly think he makes it up as he goes along.  I tried to call another major Bankruptcy firm in the area.  They have so many prompts you are stuck in prompt hell.  So I did the next best thing and drafted a letter.  I spoke in very generic terms but advised them of the situation.  I asked if I was being given correct advise and if I wanted to switch attorneys if that was something that was allowed.  I have started to rethink the whole keep on paying.  Why should I have to pay for debt that is NOT mine.  I know my guy wouldn’t want that.  I anticipate an answer later this week or early next week, if they are going to respond at all.  My intention isn’t to disparage anyone but to make sure that my best interest is taken care of.

I looked at his payments into the system and just with quick rough figures he has already paid in $10,000.00.  I am going to research this more in depth and if the figures are correct I will ask the attorney to move for the hardship discharge – that would bring an end to this rather quickly.  It’s all just a bunch of BS and people seeing how much money they can obtain from me.

I got a phone call a bit ago from one of the guys that I saw over the weekend at the flea market event.  He told me that he had a buyer for the large item I was selling.  That guy called me and asked me what I wanted, I told him the price hadn’t changed since the event.  He didn’t want to pay that.  He went into this story about each time you turn it on you run the risk of the drivers blowing and it would cost $300 to replace them.  Yeah, you cheap fuck you just don’t want to part with your money.  I asked him to make me an offer and I heard this BS followed by he wasn’t interested.  I have no idea why he chose to get my hopes up and waste my time.  I will go lower but not much more than what I am asking for.  Once I list it on eBay the price will be firm and I won’t back down.  I have to be firm and not waffle, otherwise people will sense it and take advantage of me. 

I checked the bank this morning and the Mortgage check cleared yesterday but it didn’t post until this morning.  I am totally okay with that, as long as they got the money and I got credit for it.  That is all that matters to me.  Now it’s just a matter of remembering to send the check to the new place and allowing enough time for it to get there.  Maybe they will talk with me later this week and we can start working on lowering my payments. 

Each day I grow a little bit more tired of fighting.  I heard a story yesterday on the radio that a kid drank a Quart of Soy Sauce because a friend dared him.  The kid went into a coma.  He was taken to the hospital and they managed to save his life by pumping him full of sugar water.  I thought what an easy way to end it all.  I really do want to give up, too many road blocks, too much red tape and way too much pain & heartache.  The only thing that keeps me going is the kids.  Otherwise I think this would have ended a long time ago.

I know I am a downer right now and lots of people flee.  I can’t say that I blame them.  We all suffer, we all have problems.  The difference is that I am sharing mine with whom ever chose to read this.  I’d like to know that someone outside of one person is ready this, it would go a long way in helping me feel a little bit better.

I did find the Flea Medicine and put some on Momma but it doesn’t seem to have helped at all.  Which is exactly what I expected.  I see she is still chewing her fur.  Poor girl looks like we will be going to the vet but I don’t have much hope they will be able to do anything for her.  I could be wrong but we won’t know until I actually make the appointment.  Something that I am putting off.  I realized that her and her children will celebrate their birthdays next week.  Wow, it’s not just me getting older.  It will be strange to celebrate their birthdays w/o my guy saying we will be getting them a Tuna cake. 

Last night on the way out of the office, I managed to leave the same time the cute guy next door did.  I popped out my phone and got a couple of nice photos of him.  I know it’s creepy, but that is just me.  I so want to approach him, even though I believe he is way younger than me.  I am not 100% that he is gay.  I do know that he knows martial arts so if I make him angry he could easily hurt me and not in a good way.  Taking a chance and moving forward is something I will have to do eventually.  I mean breaking the ice over FB and asking someone on a date was a step in the right direction.  However, doing it in person well it’s a little more awkward, especially if you have a crush on the person but don’t know if they are gay..  I’d really like to have a conversation with him, if only a friendship blossoms from it then no harm.  The bigger risk is that if he approaches my employer because he is offended or decides to do physical harm to me, I mean there are just so many variables.  Asking someone on a date isn’t sexual harassment. However, as screwy as my employer is I don’t trust them.

Speaking of my employer, I really wish that things would fall into place for me, so that I can move on to my next task, which is looking for a new job.  It’s not something I really want to do, but considering that the treatment here probably isn’t going to get better and my paycheck probably won’t grow that much, I think looking and leaving is probably the right thing to do.  However, until the legal and financial battles are done it’s not something that I can concentrate on.  I don’t want to get a new job and then tell them I have to take time off.  That just doesn’t work out so well in most places.  You have to be there for a while before you even think of asking for a day off.  If you tell them up front that you have a lot going and might have to take time off, you are shooting yourself in the food.  Most employers understand about the needs of life, however that doesn’t mean that they will be understanding in your situation.

I am so sleepy.  I had Turkey & Cheese for lunch.  I got my Lasagna & Garlic Bread last night.  Tonight it’s BBQ in a tub with Broccoli & Cheese.  However, if I am as tired as I am right now I may just make a TV dinner and call it a day.  Ready for a nap now.  My employer probably wouldn’t be too happy to see me sleeping on the job. 

One more thing, my hand looks a little worse.  There is redness around the knuckle and it was really driving me crazy this morning.  All is well at the moment.  This could be anything from Mrsa to a Spider Bite.  Chances are pretty good I will survive.  If things get worse I will get  it checked out.  I did find a good idea on line that said to apply ice, so I will try that tonight in the hopes it helps.  I really want to grab a knife and open it up.  I know it sounds like it’s the wrong thing to do, but when I do that to a normal bug bite, within a day or two it’s all dried up and there is nothing more to worry about.  No itching no pain, it’s just gone.  Maybe I should soak my hand in Soy Sauce.  I am willing to do most anything just to make it go away. 

Well speaking of going away, I have to get back to work.  Lunch time is so over with.  Down hill slide from here until evening comes.  No fresh hell in last nights mail.  Hoping for the same in tonight’s mail.  Wishing I was on vacation so I could take that nap.

The biggest question I have before I go is when will I get it all back.  Speaking of Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual energy.  I am so overwhelmed and exhausted right now.  Each day I keep going is a huge surprise to me.  I keep on thinking I didn’t think  could make it this far.   Talk with you peeps later!

Red Tape

I phoned the new mortgage company, only to find out that the number I was given for their Bankruptcy department was incorrect.  It was a company that no longer provided service for them.  I got referred to another number.  I called them when I got to work, I waited like 5 seconds on hold.  A lady came on got my name and SSN, then put me on hold.  15 minutes later I hung up and called back.  I got put on hold then a man asked me for my SSN and Name.  I gave him my partners information and explained who I was.  He told me that paperwork was still in transition and that hopefully on Friday it would be done.  I should call back on Friday.  Yeah, so they can tell me to call back the 2nd Tuesday of the following week.  This is an endless sea of red tape.  You think your making progress and then you fall into the trap.

One would think that they would be happy that someone wanted to take over the loan and give them money, so they wouldn’t own a piece of property.  However, I guess that just is not the case.

Speaking of which that check from last week still hasn’t cleared the bank.  I am nervous but I sure hope it clears soon.  I’ve got exactly enough money in the account to make another payment, which is a bonus.  I try to keep that account for the mortgage only.

The bigger problem here is that the house insurance will be cancelled if they don’t get in gear and that will only be more trouble for me.  Unless they can write a policy in the name of the trust, I will be out of luck.  We haven’t gotten to that point yet.  I want to give the insurance man an update but no sense in telling him I am stuck in red tape, he probably figured that already when I called.

Last night I went into my partners room to get his toothbrush, I felt like an extra clean mouth so I used it.  I took it back and just couldn’t help myself I sat on the bed and started crying and talking to him.  It’s only been 2 months and I am still adjusting to the fact that he is gone and there is no coming back or no reaching him.  That is the part of death that I have the hardest time with.  I pulled myself out of his room after I said what I had to say.  Went about the rest of the evening.

When I went to call it a night, I closed my eyes but I was wide awake.  I started seeing an outline of a mouth and then it rapidly grew into his face.  That was interesting.  I just hugged old jumper and tried to go to sleep.  After an hour of laying in bed, I decided to call it quits.  I turned the TV back on and watched Oprah & Tyler Perry.  That was good but I haven’t finished it yet.  I got drowsy and turned it off.  Back to bed and this time I slept.

I had a dream this morning that we decided to get a quickie on and stopped off at a hotel.  I had to use the bathroom, which was nothing new.  I was pushing but nothing was happening.  He kept telling me to hurry up because we were in the lobby of the hotel.  Some lady stopped and started chatting him up.  Meanwhile I am trying to have a baby in the bathroom or at least that is what it felt like.  I woke up and was pushing.  I stopped that got up to let Big Boy out and use the restroom.  I had 30 more minutes to sleep and I was going to enjoy them.  I got that taken care of and the alarm clock woke me up.

That was a different dream.  I left for work and made it about 10 minutes away.  When it hit me, that I forgot something.  I didn’t know what and then it clicked.  My cup and my candy.  I made a U turn and dashed back home.  Traffic for some reason was really light this morning.  Maybe it’s vacation season.  In any case I was happy.  I got to work with plenty of time but all of the good spots were taken.  I had my choice the stall again or I could take a handicapped spot.  I chose the handicapped spot.  Only because my back is bothering me and I didn’t want to have to hassle with the stall. 

Got up to the office to find out that boss man wasn’t here.  He came in later in the morning.  I am still working on machines, moving on to my 4th one in a little bit.  I am getting pretty good at this.  I hope the case/stand I ordered is delivered tomorrow because my neck is driving me nutz. 

You know when I went back home I debated and almost decided to take it as a sign to stay home.  The kids would have loved it but I would have felt guilty because I am asking for vacation time in  a couple days.  It’s only 2 days but still I don’t want to fall into a habit.  One day off leads to 3 days off because I am depressed or just tired of it all.  I would have gone to get my hand looked at if I stayed home to justify it but it’s money I can save.

No mickey mouse hand, it just hurts.  The skin around the knuckle has a yellow/brownish color to it.  The knuckle it’s self is red, so I know there is some type of infection going on.  I have been applying ointment to it and will keep that up.  During the day it’s all about hand washing.

4 more days until I have 2 days to myself.  Thinking about cleaning up the basement, that would be like an adventure.  Sleeping in sounds nice too. 

Well lunch time is winding down here.  4 more hours of work until this boy goes home.  Looking forward to that.  Thought of going out for supper but I have more lasagna & I still have the garlic bread.  Thinking very strongly of making that, unless something goes wrong.  Also kind of depends upon what I find in the mailbox.  Hopefully, nothing to worry about.  I am only looking for one more bill and that is the electric & gas.  It’s a couple hundred dollars and hopefully it will be waiting for me.  Then I will be done until a bit later in the month when the cycle starts all over again. 

Hopefully, Monday isn’t too bad for you.  We were supposed to have rain and cloudy sky's but I see al little sunshine so that is an extra bonus.  I will talk with you peeps later.

Sunday

I made a little bit of money today.  As a total surprise I got talked into taking the exam for Ham Radio.  I knew I wouldn’t pass and that it was a waste of $15 but I figured what do I have to loose.  You could miss 9 out of 35 questions.  I missed 14.  So as expected I failed.  However, I got tips on how to pass the next time.  I was surprised that I did as good as I did, some of those questions were way out of left field.  I am hanging on to some of his equipment just in case I actually do pass the test, then it will be free equipment for me. 

I didn’t sell anything big and I got people that wanted to nickel and dime me to death, I negotiated as best I could.  Some people got steals but in the end it was all about the $ to me.  I wasted my morning and part of my afternoon there.

Went to the grocery store, came home took care of the trash and cleaning up.  Put the grocery's away.  Got a crazy ass idea to eat out a bit more this week, since I made some money and it was all cash.  Not sure if I will give in to that but maybe one or two nights.  Maybe I will save it up for the weekend.  Who knows. 

Took a shower and been running around the house in my boxers for the remainder of the day.  Who is going to see me?  Exactly.  I cleaned off my dresser and brought in my guys iPod dock that I got for him.  It came with a remote and there is a jack to hook up speakers to.  I did that and now I have music in my room via my iPod.  The speakers are turned up so you can hear music most everywhere. 

Something bit my hand.  It hurts.  The skins started peeling off and if I touch it, it burns like fire.  I put something on it and that didn’t help.  I’ve been washing my hands all afternoon and that doesn’t exactly help.  I got bites and itch all over, the bugs they love me because I can’t feel a thing.  By the time I know I’ve been bitten the bugs are long gone.  As long as I don’t get a mickey mouse hand or anything close to that I will be fine.  I think tomorrow will be the tell all sign.

Currently catching up on laundry.  Have to wash out the kids fountain and refill it with a new filter & water.  After laundry is done, it will be time for bed.  I have to feed the children one more time.  Looking forward to kicking back and watching Nurse Jackie and whatever else I can find that interests me.

Next weekend is all mine, nothing planned as of today.  I am so excited to be able to have free time.  I thought about going to get pie, but it’s a long ass drive for me to go by myself.  If I do go, I will be sure to take my car because it really helps out the gas mileage.

The power just went out and came back on.  I think my computer is plugged into the wrong side of the UPS.  I will have to check on that.

I have to call the new mortgage company tomorrow.  Not sure if I want to ruin my day by calling early or save it until after work and ruin my evening.  I figure they will have me jumping through hoops as well.  I just want this behind me as fast as possible with positive results.

I should get going time is ticking and before I know it, the evening will be done.  Then it will be back to machine heaven tomorrow.  Speaking of which I need to get my 2 days of vacation submitted, both are for next month.  I am taking the 5th because there is no sense in going back to work for 1 day when I can take the day off and have a 4 day weekend.  Then another Friday a couple weeks later when I go back to the doctor and they bleed me.  Not looking forward to that. 

Hope you had a great weekend and I will talk with you peeps later.

DOMA might screw me

I heard back from LAMBDA Legal.  They told me that to litigate the Union matter, I would most likely loose, because DOMA would come into play and a Civil Union or Same Sex Couples are not recognized.  Marriage is defined as one man and one woman.  Now I don’t know that the union is smart enough to know this, but I think that it might not be worth taking a chance. 

My position is the same.  I am going to wait to see what their reaction is to my attorneys letter.  Then I will ask for guidance on how best to proceed.  I may engage a second attorney just to have two opinions, so that I truly make an informed decision.

My windshield has been replaced.  I watched the whole process, it took about an hour.  I got OEM glass, however it’s lacking the sound proofing the original glass had.  I am not happy about that but I do like looking through new glass not having any damage.  Now I am ready to trade for a new car, but won’t.

I’ve got some laundry done.  The dishes are done.  I have the equipment dropped off at the flea market.  I have plans of getting up early and getting down there to see what happens.  Then I will have to go grocery shopping and take care of house cleaning.  My neck is on fire, the misquitoes love me and I itch.  I am ready for a nice shower and a good nights rest. 

I will be up for a while to watch TV and hopefully relax.  Got my first water bill in my name, whoopee!

Oh I called about the mortgage this morning.  I was told that my partner would have to submit a letter so they could talk to me.  I said okay I will set a pen and a piece of paper outside of his ern and if he writes you it will be a god damn miracle.  I told you once he is dead.  I was pissed, because I was forced to jump through hoops again.  I am tired of doing tricks to get a reward.  I am not a circus animal.  However, it’s affecting my bottom line so I will play on and hopefully it will work out in my favor.  I have to call back on Monday because the bankruptcy department doesn’t work weekends.  I have a feeling I will have to jump through more hoops.

Talk with you peeps later.

Finally Friday

So I made it to Friday, been a long week.  Last night I thought on my way to the car I will stop by the auto parts store and get that kit.  I got to my car and one look told me no need to bother.  The crack spread.  It’s beyond repair and the windshield has to be replaced.  I didn’t want to file a glass claim but I did.  I also called Safelight, never worked with them but I did most everything on-line and tech is coming to my home tomorrow.  Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my afternoon but it beats taking off work.  They are supposed to use OEM glass but we will see what the insurance company will pay for.  Since the manufacturer has been good to me, I want to reward them by being a loyal customer. 

Tomorrow I have to call the new lender about the house loan to see what rigmarole I have to go through in order to get the payments reduced and how to get the house into my name.  I am not counting on getting a qualified person since it’s the weekend but I will try to remain optimistic. 

Yesterday I was so fired up about the union and the Death Benefit, I composed a letter to them and pretty much explained to them under the law of the state I reside in a Civil Union is considered to be a marriage.  I explained that I was deeply offended that they think my partner died without a spouse.  I explained that I am a human being and the only difference between us is that I happen to like members of the same sex.  Otherwise, we do pretty much the same daily living.  I urged them to fork over the money so we can all go about our lives.  However, I told them that if they fail to fork over the money within a specified time frame that I am prepared to file suit.  The letter it’s self is a very carefully worded draft.  This is something that my lawyer should have written the first time.  Since he is working at a reduced rate he is giving me reduced service and honestly I am not sure that I want that.  I think that appearing in front of a judge I can argue my point and have documentation to back it up.  I did explain that he was estranged from his child at the child’s choice and that the child was not mentioned in the will.  In fact back in 2008 I was designated the beneficiary of his Life Insurance.  That right there established his intent and I have no doubt that if either one of us were aware that he would have designated me beneficiary so that I didn’t have to go through this BS.  I have asked a friend to review it and give me their opinion.  I am also comfortable waiting a little bit before sending it, think that they might respond to the attorneys letter.

I mean I got good news from the last letter I sent and figure that maybe waiting and/or sending this final letter will bring me more good news.  I certainly don’t have anything to loose.  I am not obligated to file suit, just letting them know my intent.  They may take the position of waiting to find out if I will follow through and then suddenly offer me a settlement rather than go in to court.  I did also mention that if the media should get a hold of the story they will look homophobic and that is certainly not the kind of press I think they want.  I may be the 1st gay man to file a claim, but rest assured that I won’t be the last.  As time goes on this will become more and more popular.  The US is at a turning point for LGBT rights and the Supreme Court is currently weighing options.  We may in fact no longer need state laws as there may very well be a Federal Law that recognizes us as equal citizens, instead of 2n class citizens.  If not now, eventually this will come to pass.  This will also be as highly debated and talked about as Roe v Wade is.  Abortion & Gay Rights are topics that will just never die down in this country.

So I am going out for Chinese food tonight, I have told and re-told the children so they don’t yell at me, but I know they will.  I will still be sitting in the restaurant and enjoying my delicious food.

This weekend is kind of rush, rush.  I have to get all of my normal stuff done, plus have time for that silly flea market to hopefully be able to make some money.  I want to be productive as well as relaxing.  I have nothing going at this point for the following weekend and plan on trying to keep it open, just because I need an open nothing to do weekend.  I will probably sleep it away.  Who knows.  It will just be nice to have options.

I should get back to work.  Almost done with the 3rd machine and ready to move on to the 4th.  I have had several interruptions and that takes away from my time to concentrate.  I don’t mind helping people but wish everyone would let me get through this project before they even consider bugging me.  Sad to say it doesn’t work that way.

Have a good weekend and I will talk with you peeps again soon.  I am so tired I could just pass out now.

Brand New Day

Today is so much better than yesterday was.  I felt it when I woke up this morning, things just clicked.  Traffic sucked but outside of that everything else is going okay.

I got a call from my guys former employer.  They got my letter and called to tell me that they were going to give me the discount on a permanent basis.  This was the first Civil Union they had encountered and they were going strictly off the death certificate.  Never mind that I sent them copies of the Civil Union license.  In any case it’s fantastic news and I am elated about it.  Now all I have to do is rustle up the money and I can buy a new car wholesale. 

I called the new mortgage company today, they told me that they were still processing converting loans and that I should call back on Saturday.  That will be much easier because I won’t have 100 people trying to listen to my business. 

Not sure what it is but I have this feeling inside almost like I can hear my guy talking to me, telling me to fight for the Death Benefit.  At this point I am fairly certain that I will be litigating the matter.  I don’t know if I will be represented by counsel or if I will try to go it on my own.  I mean I had luck once and it worked in my favor.  When your right and you know it, go after what is yours. I have every reason to believe a court will side with me and I can clearly show intent because his son isn’t even mentioned in the will.  That right there proves he wanted him to have nothing.  So I say go ahead and pay him, then you will turn right around and pay me.  They will argue that the benefit can only be paid once, but if you paid the wrong person that isn’t my fault.  I tried to get you to see the light but you kept telling me you don’t have a valid marriage in our eyes.  I guess maybe I am just fired up because of a small victory.

My DVR went to heaven, it just sits at the start up screen saying one moment please.  That moment and several others pass but nothing happens.  I’m thinking I should be able to take it apart and extract my shows or possibly repair it.  After all it is a computer and that is my job.  Not exactly sure how I will fair at Linux/Unix but what’s the worst that can happen?  I loose everything and as it stands right now everything is lost anyways so really there is no risk. 

I did get the spare unit hooked up and configured in my room.  However, it took most of the evening.  I did other things while it was loading data.  I was able to grab season passes just before going to bed.  I couldn’t get a couple shows because they aren’t on right now, but I will have to keep an eye out.  Soon there will be TV waiting for me to watch.  Until then I’ve got Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and On Demand from the cable co.  I shouldn’t have problems finding anything to watch.

Tuesday night I watched Kids in America, it had Gregory Smith in it so I figured two nights of that hunk I couldn’t go wrong.  It was an interesting movie but his role didn’t involve sex, it was all about proving a point.  Plus I had to pay $2.99 to watch it, but it was totally worth it.  Not only is he good looking but he can act too, so I really am quite the fan of his work. 

Supper last night was Itialian Beef.  It was prepared, just zap it and eat.  I didn’t zap it long enough but I did follow the instructions.  I still ate it even if parts of it were cold.  It’s been cooked already so there was no harm.  I had a bomb pop for desert.  There is dinner. 

Tonight it will be something frozen like Chunky Chicken & Noodles.  Tomorrow night I am treating myself to Chinese Food so I will be home late.  I’ve been telling the children hopefully they understand and don’t balk too much at me when I walk in the door later than normal. 

I should really pickup a glass kit tonight to repair my windshield but I kind of just want to go home.  The weather is supposed to suck over the weekend with all rain and no sunshine.  I need sunshine to repair my windshield because the resin has to cure by UV light.  Maybe I should just take my car to a drive in tanning salon.  :)

Tomorrow is pay day so my creditors will rejoice more money coming their way.  I will probably do bill pay scheduling tonight so I am all set.  Just like to get those things out of the way before I forget. 

I am churning through the hardware in my office very slowly.  I am on my 3rd unit and lots more to go.  Yes I could use a magic wand to wave and say poof they are all done.  Heck if I could have the magic wand I would say poof I won the largest lottery and who cares about the hardware I would be rich. 

Well lunch is over so it’s back to the salt mine.  Talk with you peeps later.

TMD–Too Much Drama

There is just way too much going on and I am ready to say stop the bus I want off!

Last night I came home to find a strange car parked in my driveway.  It was blocking my access to the garage.  Turns out it was a neighbors car that a repair shop dropped off.  Apparently they can fix cars but can’t read numbers.  I had to call the police and they moved the car.  I didn’t want to touch it because it wasn’t mine. 

No Lasagna & Garlic Bread for me.  I was waiting for the police to show up.  I had the Lasagna but making the Garlic Bread would have taken longer and I was so out of the mood. 

I got a refund check for our AAA Membership.  They made it out of the Estate of my partner.  I put it in the bank this morning.  Hopefully they won’t balk at it. 

My TiVo DVR I believe is dead.  I’ve rebooted it multiple times but no dice.  It’s cooling off right now and I will mess with it when it when I get home.  I have a spare and think that I may have to use that.  The only thing is trying to remember all of the shows that I had it setup to record.  I know that I will probably miss something.  I really hope it at least boots to allow me to write down the shoes then I can power it off and swap it out. 

I found a crack in my windshield this morning.  That will be a weekend repair job for me.  Shouldn’t take too much.

All of the good spots were taken in the garage this morning.  So I parked in a small pocket spot.  I barley have room to get in and out of the car.  I also ran into the wall when I was parking.  Thankfully the air bags didn’t deploy.  I don’t think there is any damage but won’t know until later tonight. 

All kinds of problems at work – damn computers.  Plus I am being asked about the hardware in my office and how soon I will have it out.  My answer is it’s done when it’s done.  I am only one person.  I believe I have 2 machines about ready to deploy.  That is a start, now there is only 90 more.

Saw in reading my e-mail that a classmates wife passed away.  There were 3 of us in grade school that hung around each other, all 3 of us had red hair.  Of course no one knew I was gay.  I always wondered what happened to him, now I know.  I feel bad for him because I know the pain he is going through.  They were married for a few short years. 

I get to call the new bank tomorrow or Friday, trying to psych myself up for that.  I hope for the best but I am expecting the worst, just because of the way the other lender treated me.  There will no doubt be paperwork and I will probably have to supply them with information that I have already given to the first lender. 

So things are just a bit too much for me right now.  To top it all off I had to delay my lunch and now I am shaking feeling like I am ready to pass out.  I’ve eaten just a matter before the sugar kicks in and then I should be all good.  I hate feeling like this.  People don’t understand that since my medication switched if I don’t eat or I am late eating, I get the shakes and feel very sick.  Been here many times before and I’m sure this won’t be the last time. 

Work is beckoning so I shall go answer.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Just hit me

Minding my own business, eating lunch and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Today my guy has been gone for 2 months.  Holy crap, feels more like 6 months.

I’ve been thinking about past memories both good and bad.  I miss him like crazy!

Last night I did get home early but not as early as I thought.  Someone forgot to tell me that where I was going I would have to seek an alternate route, because the roads were flooded.  I found that out the hard way and I was quite pissed off. 

I scarfed down supper and fed the children.  Sat through an episode of Reba and then decided it was time to get to work.  I did work on the stupid phones and got the light to go out, which is what I was after.  I thought I could bridge our two lines together so that would give me more jacks for my line but it didn’t work out.  I at least accomplished what I set out to do.

I got a call last night from a friend who wasn’t at the dinner.  He was asking about it.  I told him it was okay but I really missed him.  He said that his friendship with my guy was private and he didn’t know all those people plus he just buried his cat.  Why not just tell me you didn’t want to come and leave it at that.  I am not happy about it but I will get over it.  We talked about getting together for a bite to eat.  The ball is in his court and I’m telling you he won’t follow through.  We all were supposed to get together for months and then my guy up and died and he felt like shit for not getting together with us.  He’s one of these people who is hen pecked and does what his wife tells him.  If she doesn’t remind him to wipe he probably doesn’t do it.  I am totally disgusted by that.  Think for yourself, God gave you a brain for a reason. 

After that call I got the trash out.  Then my phone rang and it was my mom, but turned out to be my brother.  He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was in pain. Oh is it because of the death business.  No I responded it’s because my foot is stuck in your ass.  Of course it’s because of the death business.  What a stupid question.  We chatted for a bit then I was forced to talk to my mom.  She went on and on about her problems which are all delusions.  It was a total waste of an hour.  Nice to talk but at the same time I would have rather spent the time watching TV.  My family is useless, which is why me and my guy told each other we are all the other one has.  Kind of scary when you think about it.  I am truly on my own now.

I decided to do something different last night and watch a porn movie in the living room.  That didn’t quite work out the way I wanted to.  So I quickly abandoned that idea and just retreated to my bed room.  Watched TV with the cats and gave them all the attention they wanted.  Never mind I was tired. 

I found a movie on NetFlix with Gregory Smith in it.  Damn he is one hottie.  He played a teenager who made friends with this married couple, then wound up sleeping with the wife.  It was strange but interesting.  He is the sole reason why I watched the movie.  Got some good shirtless views, that’s about it.  At close to 11pm the movie was over with and ended kind of strange.  I called it a night and lights out. 

Today I got asked about all of the hardware in my office and how it’s coming.  So I switched gears and now I am in configuration mode.  I will get back to my security project after the configuration is done.  My latest problem is that the anti-theft software for one machine isn’t calling in, so if it’s stolen I am screwed.  I am working to fix it but waiting on a phone call before that will happen.  It’s time to engage tech support for the product. 

I have to touch about 100 machines individually and there is no image, it’s all manual setup.  Kind of sucks being an Army of one.  If I had a helper I could bounce things off of, we could probably automate this or at the very least we would only have 50 machines each.  Ah well, so be it.  An Army of one has advantages and disadvantages.  If I’m hit by a bus then they will be really screwed here.

That’s about it for now.  Lunch time is over with and it’s almost time to go back to configuration madness.  Supper tonight I think will be frozen lasagna and garlic bread.  There isn’t a whole lot there but hopefully it’s good.  I’ve got Bomb Pops for desert and they are awesome.  No licking or sucking, I just chomp right into them.  Reba will be on the TV and the children will be eating and bothering each other over food.  Then we will all settle down and I will hit up my computer and before you know it today will be done. 

Still having 2nd thoughts about the weekend, I want to sell his stuff but I really don’t want to get up that early to go sit for a “maybe” sale.  I could easily wind up lugging everything back home and that wouldn’t be much fun. 

Well computers here I come.  Talk with you peeps later.

Breather

We had storms over the weekend and it damaged a computer, not to mention causing chaos as well.  I had a very full plate this morning.  It all started with an early morning message and it’s been down hill from there. 

I have built a replacement machine in like an hour, a new record for me.  I am taking it out to be setup and leaving here in a bit.  It will probably be every bit of 3pm when I get to where I am going and by the time I leave I suspect it will be 4ish but maybe I will get lucky and get to leave early.  In any case I have serious plans to arrive home early.  That will make me happy.

Now just as long as there is no fresh hell waiting for me in the mail that will be a good thing. 

I’ve got to do some more work on the phones.  As I mentioned we had 2 lines and I turned my guys line off.  Well now it’s lit up like he is on the phone.  I find that very annoying so I have to figure out where the cross up is to eliminate the static and maybe just maybe I will feel like doing that tonight.  It’s either work on it or just go buy new phones and I honestly don’t want to spend the money.  I have been telephone poor for years.

Priced out the equipment I am taking, if I sell everything, I should be able to clear $2,500.  That is most of the equipment he had.  There are a couple other things that I am holding back and not quite ready to part with yet.  Eventually, I will and that will net me more money.  I also plan on checking out eBay to see about selling some stuff.  Everyone says use craigslist but I am just not a fan of the big cl.  Might use it for his power chair, not sure yet. 

All is otherwise calm at the moment.  I still am surrounded by boxes full of equipment.  I can’t wait until I start getting them setup and shipped out.  Everyone will be happier but most of all me.  Because I will get my space back.  I should form them in  a maze so it’s impossible to get to me and impossible to tell if I am in here or not.  However, I’d probably be the one who broke something so better off not doing that.

I really miss my guy, more so from this past weekend than anything.  I walk in his bedroom and talk to him like he is still laying there and can here me.  I don’t think he can but it helps me to talk to him.  I am so ready for the void in my life to be filled.  The pain will ease over time but the void is the worst.  I don’t want to go looking for another man because I am not ready for that yet.  I am just getting used to living by myself.  I wouldn’t mind someone to hook up with but that is about it.  Honestly a man would cause too much trouble in my life right now and I am in no position to deal with any more stress or the potential of a loss or breakup.  So better off to wait until the time is right and then try it. 

This equipment sale is probably going to kill me.  I have to get up early at 0 dark thirty on Sunday and be there by 6:30am.  Are you kidding me?  The whole thing will be done by 12 noon but still, I will be ready for a serious nap.  Plus I will try to wrap as much into Friday night and Saturday as possible so there isn’t that much if anything left to do on Sunday because I expect to be spent. 

Well time to get moving here, the sooner I leave the sooner I will get there and get home to call Monday history.  I’m so lonely and depressed.  The thing I miss the most is being able to say I love you and hugging, not to mention his cooking.  Talk with you peeps later.

Memorial Dinner

Things went better than I expected but I did also cry several times.  The guy who organized the event served as MC.  He had everyone go around the room and introduce themselves and say how they knew my guy.  When it got to me that is when I became the emotional basket case.  I said that I lived with him and was his care taker, I never said anything about being gay because I know he didn’t want some people to know.  It was done out of respect.

I heard many stories that also made me tear up.  We did a toast to him.  There were lots of laughs.  Unfortunately I picked a corner seat and was trapped so I couldn’t mingle with some of the people I really wanted to talk to. 

The table that I was at I was surrounded by my friends, all of which were former co-workers.  There were a couple people that I expected to show up but they didn’t.  I am not exactly pleased about that but I realize people have lives.  This was planned months in advance and it hurt that one person in particular was not there. 

I was up until 3 am last night.  I started a conversation around 10 and stopped a little after 1am.  I had to wind down but I had a difficult time.  So I slept away most of my Sunday.  I am playing catchup right now.

I also have home phone problems.  There was static on the line, but I got that fixed.  Now I have an inductance hum, something that has always been around since I have been living here.  It comes on when the humidity creeps up and when Winter sets in it’s all gone.  I honestly don’t talk much on my home phone and really only keep it for the alarm system.  I have grown so fond of my cell phone and I can go anywhere and do most anything while having the convenience of talking or not.  I really wish I could disconnect it.

I have to go find and price his some of his stuff to get ready for next weekend, which won’t be much fun.  It will be a whirlwind weekend like this one has been.  After that I should hopefully have weekends to myself for the most part.  I need a vacation really bad.  Well off to the races, lots to do and little time to do it in.  I am sure the rest of the day will fly by before I know it. 

Working on Laundry, as usual.  Talk with you peeps later.

Bank refuses money

Never in my life have I experienced a bank refuse to take money.  That is exactly what happened when I went to pay the mortgage today.  I was told sorry but you will have to call xxx number we can’t take your payment.  Huh? 

I am sending this months payment to the new loan company, by the time it reaches them they will have already taken over the loan.  I am so tired of jumping through hoops and playing silly little games of the big giant bank.  Hopefully this new provider will be a blessing in disguise. 

On the death benefit front, I received a letter from my attorney with regards to the appeal.  It was the weakest letter I have ever read in my life.  This guy was supposed to be good, maybe he is for someone else.  I got another letter from him today that said basically let’s wait and see what reaction we get to my letter.  It’s going to be costly to litigate this, but I just may do that out of spite.  I would think that attorneys fees and court costs are recoverable, provided you get a judgment in your favor. 

I wrote him back via e-mail and said I am comfortable waiting to see what happens.  However, I have a strong feeling that they are already in contact with his son and benefits will be paid to him.  After that they will come back with, sorry we already paid the money and you have no case now.  That is when I will be ready to litigate.  If I have to file a small claims case myself and take a day off work to do it, I will.  It’s complete bullshit that they don’t see us as married.  Because they are union and full of heteros who don’t want to set a precedent and think that I am nothing but a 2nd class citizen and not even a human being.  They are choosing to disregard that I exist. 

I don’t think I mentioned about the car discount.  I called this week and was told that they are denying me.  It doesn’t make sense because on one hand they provide health insurance to me as a surviving spouse but they won’t give me a discount on a car.  Hello, does this make any sense to you?  I sent a certified letter today to an executive at the company.  It will arrive on Tuesday and hopefully they will be able to right this wrong.  This is an important benefit and will allow me to buy cars at wholesale, there is no dickering with price.  It’s cut and dried.  That is the only way I know I got a good deal.  Keeping my fingers crossed that this works out in my favor.

I took a nap, didn’t sleep very well last night.  We had tornadoes in the area.  It was a very active weather night.  I broke out the scanner and listened, the police and fire departments were busy.  In fact one local police department was knocked completely off line – no phones, no 911, no radios.  It took a bit but they got up and running.  You reach a point when you listen to the scanner when enough is enough, so I finally just turned it off. 

I’ve seen a couple good movies via Netflix.  I am about to feed the children and get ready to go to this Memorial Dinner thing.  I am so nervous and apprehensive about the whole event.  I know that I will have my friends there that will help.  I so hope that this goes well and that I manage to make it through without completely breaking down.  God give me strength!