The Middle

Oh boy made it to the middle of the week!  So today there was a lot of grunt work to do, it was more stuff that I was used to taking care of in my previous role.  I knocked out the job quickly and then another one came.  I had some time to do some exploring and was trying to hunt down a document which I have not yet been able to find.  I don’t want to ask that is the easy way out but I may eventually.  The thrill of the hunt is fun sometimes.  Right now all of this is very new to me and there is some apprehension on my part.  Each day I ask myself if I made the right call and honestly it’s way too soon to tell.  Just like it took time to hear the good news, it’s going to take time for me to get acclimated, I hope it’s a good fit because I am not in a position to want to look for a new job. 

So on to the cat house.  Things are uh-okay.  Bear is still peeing on himself so I am worried that he is going to block off again.  I really want him off the antibiotics but the vet said to be certain to finish them, so I am following their instructions to the letter.  Honestly I’m thinking that this bladder thing will probably be his downfall but I am remaining optimistic.

Momma left me a present in my room while I was in the shower.  It’s the kind of thing that should have been done in the litter box.  She wants me to know that she still isn’t right and there still is a problem.  I am waiting for the vet to call me back but I honestly don’t think that will happen since I didn’t agree to the expensive drug they want to put her on.  I have increased her medicine and she appears to be tolerating it.  I give her plenty of attention and she isn’t shy about asking for it either. 

Thinking of all of my animals why on earth do they get sick, why do bad things happen to them?  It’s like a new born getting sick or after a year or two being diagnosed with cancer.  Why do these things happen?  A guy I used to work with told me there was no God because if there was a God things like this wouldn’t happen.  I totally get his point and semi-agree with him.  However, I was raised that there is a God and honestly I can’t explain why those things happen, it doesn’t make sense to me.  I waffle on my belief and that is something my late partner told me that he really wished that I would stop and just believe in God.  I am most likely overthinking it, which is something that I tend to do. 

My hour break for lunch goes by faster than the entire day.  Last night I let Gator sleep with me and I woke up with a sore hip.  I have no idea what she does to me but I always wake up with a sore hip when I sleep with her.  Marv joined us but of course Gator being the ham she is, she stole Marvin’s spot so we couldn’t cuddle.  They both held their ground all night long.  I was dead tired last night, I fell asleep sitting in a chair and the night wasn’t that old yet.  All of this thinking and learning all day really is exhausting.  I of course was texting last night with a co-worker and playing on my phone.  There is so little time for me to catch up on social networking.  Kind of miss that but at the same time I am grateful.  I get tired at work in the middle of the morning but you yawn, drink some ice water and keep on moving.  The body is truly amazing!

So that’s all I have for now.  More learning and meetings this afternoon, then the drive home and time to see the children again.  Rinse – Repeat and eventually we make it to Friday.  Hope all is well in your world!

Day #2

So I’ve made it to the second day.  Yesterday was really long.  I got home and had to cater to the children.  I thought I would take time for myself and get caught up on some stuff I’ve wanted to do but it involved my computer.  I sat down in front of it and quickly decided I wanted to go back upstairs and watch a movie.  Spending all day in front of two monitors is more exhausting than I thought, plus all of the training, meetings and conference calls.  It’s just a lot to take in.  My new team has given me the impression they aren’t very organized.  Our leader hasn’t made a great impression on me and I am still getting to know him but right now my early opinion is he isn’t much of a leader.  He just likes to bark orders.  I mean he’s polite but he is all business and doesn’t seem to relax at work, it’s like he is wound so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass you’d have a diamond in a week.  Can you name the movie that line is from? 

The children appear to be doing okay.  Everyone was in a picky mood this morning.  I had to open multiple cans of food to pacify everyone.  I had to keep everyone away from momma so she could eat without getting upset.  It was like a 3 ring circus.  I still got everything accomplished that needed to happen and made it out the door by my normal time.  I’ve checked in on them and it appears everyone is in hiding.  That’s fine they love their sleep and that can’t hurt them.

I told the vet that they will have to think of an alternative plan because I can’t afford to shell out $43.99 plus tax for medicine for a one month supply.  I haven’t heard back from them.  Last night I took it on my own to start momma on a pill and a half.  I am going to aim to be diligent and make sure that she doesn’t miss a dose for the next 4 weeks, then taking her back to just have the blood drawn and see what they come back with.  I am concerned about her and from what I have read on line this is a very common problem.  The most successful treatment option is the radioactive iodine treatment and it takes different doses for different cats which means the cost will vary.  The place locally that does it will take the cat on a Tuesday and you get them back on Thursday.  Then they go home for two weeks, come back for a Geiger counter reading and then in a couple weeks they go back to the regular vet to have their blood drawn to find out if the treatment worked.  It’s a lot of work and money.  I can do the work part but don’t have the money.  So I want to be as conservative as possible.  While the vet didn’t mention this my research pointed out that it’s possible that the cat could have Thyroid cancer.  I mean Bear has ‘invisible cancer’ so maybe his mom has the same thing.  I just couldn’t help myself with that snarky comment.  Telling the vet politely about plan B is my way of saying you need to find another fool.  You’ll never convince me that the local compounding pharmacy doesn’t give them a percentage back for sending business their way.  I understand that sometimes it’s necessary.  3 months at $50 I could deal with but 1 month at that rate wow that is 1/2 of my grocery bill. I love my cat kids but I have to look at the over all financial picture and no one can starve and everyone of us needs water and shelter.  If I had two incomes this wouldn’t be a big deal at all.  Unfortunately that is not the case. 

Speaking of a second income I got a message from a random guy on one of the dating services.  I looked up his profile and he looks suspiciously like the guy I had been chatting with before, who one day just disappeared.  While I don’t think it’s a robot it’s clearly a fake profile.  I blocked him and am not responding to the message.  I don’t mind chatting with someone, like last night on Grindr a guy hit me up and I looked at his profile as well as links to his social networks.  He’s 46 years old and a dishwasher.  Not that there is anything wrong with that but at 46 seriously and you want to be in a long term relationship.  Yeah okay.  I’ll chat all day long with him might even get to the point where we meet in person but unless the information I saw is totally bogus I doubt that we would be compatible.  Being in my situation it is easy and all too common for other people to take advantage of you and your kindness.  So I’m quick to smell that and steer clear.  If it’s meant to be then it will happen, warning signs or not.  However, I don’t want to wake up one morning with regret and say if only I would have …  My hope however is that since I have advanced in my job that I can advance in my persona life and find a serious boyfriend.  One step at a time. 

Remember Taz aka LB?  As of Sunday he has been gone for 1 year.  Man it feels like yesterday.  That was a horrible experience and I still feel bad for bringing him home.  I hope that he is with his buddy and having a great time in heaven.  Still I’m selfish and wish he was back here, he was the best cat ever so easy going. 

Well speaking of going time for me to publish this, grab some water and prepare for an afternoon of meetings – awesome!  Let’s hope I stay awake.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Systems–Passwords- Scrambled Eggs for Brains

So it’s been an interesting day so far.  Tons of systems to manage, monitor and each one requires you guessed it a login and password.  Some passwords change and some do not.  It’s going to be a mess to try to keep it all straight but I think once I am used to it all that I will be fine.  I still have concerns that I might have stepped in deep water but right now I am fine. 

There are huge breaks in my schedule and at first I didn’t understand why.  Now I do, you need time to think about what you just learned and try to unscramble your brain to prepare for the next meeting.

Found out early this morning that my old boss is in the hospital.  It doesn’t sound good but all of the information I am getting is 2nd or 3rd hand so lots can get lost in translation.  I sent a well wish email and I hope that she makes it back home and is on the mend soon.  She is dealing with cancer and also has heart issues.  She is very well liked so lots of people have concerns. 

Light bulb moment for me with Momma.  She didn’t have her medicine before she was tested, of course the levels will be higher.  I called this morning and passed the information on.  Waiting to hear back.  Maybe I will need to medicate her and retest to be sure that all is normal.  I am speculating and that often doesn’t bode well for me.  So I will wait to hear back, I just hope they call at a time that I can talk and not during one of my meetings. 

Everyone appears to be okay. Bears barked at me this morning he is so lazy he didn’t want to go to his bed to pee, he had me lay down a pee pad in front of him and then he climbed on top of it.  Hey better that he goes on the pad than on the already ruined rug.  I need to clean the carpet again but want to make sure that it’s done at a time when things have normalized. 

My allergies have kicked into high gear.  My eyes are bothering me and my nose is a little bit.  I’ve updated the medication but still some symptoms persist.  All apart of the suffering.  Love the warmer weather but hate the pollen.  Wishing I could cut my own lawn that would save me money, get me a workout and both of those are things that I need to do. 

So far this week is off to a good start.  I pray it stays that way.  Getting ready to head back for more fun and another meeting.  I am already tired.  Slept with Insty and Marvin last night.  She is a huge cry baby and lets just say that I would have had more sleep without her by my side but she was more comfortable than I.  The things I do for all of them, you’d think that would give me good karma for life.

That is all I know at the moment.  I am looking forward to sleeping tonight and hopefully it’s with Marv he’s my snuggle buddy.  I don’t mind if Bear joins us but no girls they are far too needy.  I would really be amazed if Ruth wanted to curl up together and I think we would each enjoy that but don’t think that will ever happen unless it’s in a dream.  Speaking of dreams time to wake up and head back, ten more minutes of lunch left.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Cats still going–my bank account is dead

We got to the do or die point, exactly where I didn’t want to be.  Bear has a 100% blockage of his bladder.  Surgery wasn’t required but they did have to use a catheter to drain his bladder.  I got him there in time, but if I would have waited any longer the outcome would not have been so good.  Typically cats with blocked bladders if not treated will die from all of the toxins that are in there system.  The bladder can also rupture and if that happens and you want to save the cat, you might want to go apply for a mortgage loan because it’s going to be expensive as hell and despite the cost there is no guarantee for a successful outcome.  In Bear’s case they drained the bladder, he was hospitalized and they pushed fluid to flush out his system.  He sat in the hospital for a day while the fluid went in and came out of him.  All of his output was normal.  They did blood work at the start of this and that showed elevated levels of potassium as well as issues with his kidneys.  After the 1 day was up, they redrew his blood and everything had normalized.  There is no kidney damage and that I find truly remarkable.  It’s like God is really watching out for him and despite the 9 lives rule, Bear just keeps on going.  I was told from the outset that I could shell out a bunch of money and still have a dead cat.  I am selfish and want to hang on to him for as long as possible.  We dodged a huge bullet and I am so very thankful.  There will come a day when we will not be so lucky.  He peed all over me once we got outside and he peed in my car.  I knew I should have brought the truck but I was eager to get him out of that place.  He’s been hamming it up ever since he has been home.  I have medicine for him which he takes with a little bit of a fight.  When they sedate a cat it screws with their bowels so they don’t go for several days.  That flood gate broke last night and I had another mess to clean up.  As much as I complain I would rather pay for pee pads, paper towels, baby wipes, food and give him my time.  He’s one very special cat and he knows it for sure.  He plays me like a fiddle and I let him because he is not only special to me but he was special to my late partner.  This was one of those times when I could have let go but it just didn’t feel right.  I’m told that when the time comes I will know it.  Well I hope someone hits me over the head with a hammer to get my attention because honestly I don’t want to let go now or ever.  Now I have to keep a close watch on him and if there is any sign that he might be blocked, he has to go back, he can’t afford to have a blockage again.  Honestly I can’t afford for him to have a blockage again. 

Momma went to the vet on Saturday.  She was last there in November and we did blood work then.  I could have easily gotten her medicine refilled without any argument but since she has been leaving me presents, that is her way of telling me something just isn’t right.  So they did blood work and sent me home with a refill of her medicine.  I just got a call with her blood work.  She was trying to tell me something.  Her thyroid level is elevated, which is not good.  We could increase her medication but there isn’t long term hope that it would work because it seems like an absorption issue with her body.  They want to try a new medication that is made for humans but would have to be compounded for her, it’s not cheap but I don’t have an exact price.  It acts like Prednisone but doesn’t have all of the side effects.  She already has a heart murmur from her Thyroid.  So this is the next best option.  I should have pricing information tomorrow and then can make a decision.  I am also considering have the radioactive treatment done and that would take her thyroid out of the picture.  It would be super expensive but it would prolong her life.  There would be isolation involved and I would probably have to take a couple days off work.  I really want to do what is best for her and best for my wallet.  The vets best guess is that if we do nothing that she will probably live 6 months to a year and then pass away from heart disease.  Momma is a tough bird and I need her so does Ruth.  So I hope the cost isn’t terribly expensive for the new medicine and that it works.  Provided I go that route we would recheck her thyroid in about a month and that would be another $100 for the blood work. 

Ruth is still playing me for special food but she has a new habit she doesn’t like to be watched when she is eating.  Watch her and if she figures it out she stops and just stares at you like she wants you to die.  If looks could kill I’d be dead now. 

Marv is hanging in there along with his sister Insty.  Everyone vies for my attention and now I understand how a parent with multiple children feels.  You love them all equally, you have your favorites but you try to give a little attention to everyone.

Tomorrow starts a new chapter for me at work.  I am excited but also a little fearful because there will be a lot of information coming at me.  I don’t know if I will be able to keep up but I am going to try.  My access changed on Friday night and I started to get emails that I have never gotten before, they are still coming in over the weekend.  Not everything looks super important but I don’t want to set up any rules to filter until I know for sure what’s what.  I am in training which means there will be very little actual work for me to do but that won’t last terribly long.  So right now it’s relax, take it all in and enjoy not having to do work.  I made a sign for my cube because I know people are still going to bother me and I can’t have that.  They have to follow the normal procedure and I know no one likes that because they don’t know the person on the other end and they don’t get personalized attention.  All of my former users are very spoiled and very sad that I was able to climb up.  They are happy for me but sad for themselves because now they have to start over.  Whomever they get to replace me I will be sure to let them know the secret to my success because if you keep your users happy, they will keep you happy.  You don’t want someone talking bad about you and I’m sure I had a little bit of that but I was showered with praise on a daily basis and who doesn’t like their ego stroked?  I mean I really thrive off of positive feedback.  I won’t get that as much so I will be starving as well which is another reason why I question if I made the right move.  Time will tell and I will give it a fighting chance.  Right now I am focused on the excitement of the change and the fact that I won’t be taking phone calls from people complaining about their pc not working.  My forte has always been End User Support.  Like anything if you get away from it long enough you forget how it’s done. 

Speaking of work the co-worker who allegedly told her boss that I was harassing her, got me all alone where there was no witnesses and told me that I shouldn’t have assumed she filed a complaint.  Her boss asked her and she told him.  Duh isn’t that the same fucking thing as filing a complaint?  I mean you could have said well it’s personal but no she had to open her clam and be honest.  She told me with her tits all in a knot that next time I should come to her instead of assuming.  I let her have her say.  I thought to myself bitch you have no idea but your dead to me, there won’t fucking be a next time so get it all out of your system, feel better because this was the last straw.  Another co-worker who is friends with both of us told me that I was rather quick to write people off.  I told her I didn’t do it without a good reason.  She has snapped at me twice and there won’t be a third time.  I don’t have time for bullshit in my life, I’ve been through far too much.  Which was the nicest way I could say look you take care of you and I will take care of me.  Now she is being distant with me as if she is mad at me.  Simply put I am not a door mat and you can’t walk on me, unless of course I let you.  Being alone for 3 years has hardened me (no pun intended) and I just won’t tolerate silly bullshit.  It’s easier and more fun to have friends and people in your life, but I have already proven to myself that I need no one but myself to survive in this crazy world.  I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and I don’t want to alienate people.  I think I was more than fair here and even if I wasn’t my mind is made up.  There is no changing that even if you had a gun pointed to my head.  Once my mind is made up it’s done be it good or bad.  I’m hard headed and stubborn as the day is long.  Besides that I’ve already found out co-workers are ‘friends’ for the most part as long as you work together but the minute one of you changes jobs, it’s bye girl.  This particular person has promised to go out with me to a gay bar and to introduce me to her gay friends but she is all talk and no action.  Hell we have been supposed to go to lunch together for a year but she never tells me when she is free.  So walking away is what feels right and I am going to keep on walking and keep on talking.  It’s pretty clear we won’t miss each other even though she claims to be my friend. 

Ah, once again time has spiraled out of control and I didn’t get somethings done.  I promised the kids I would return upstairs and I am going to spend the rest of the evening finishing up a movie, watching Last Week Tonight and then hopefully getting a very good nights rest so that I am fresh for the morning.  Wish me luck and I will tell you how it goes when time permits. 

Here’s to a week filled with joy, good news and happiness – we all need and want it.  Let the sunshine in and dry up the rain! 

Glued Shut?

Happy Tuesday!  I am worried about my Bear.  I believe his cystitis is back because he is trying to pee but nothing is coming out.  I felt a couple of drops over the weekend but I haven’t seen a solid stream since Friday.  That is a long time for a bladder to hold it.  I am wondering if his outlet (aka penis) is glued shut. You can tell he doesn’t feel the greatest but he is putting up a brave front and using that nervous purr to try to throw me off.  We even held hands and he put his claws out to grab on.  What a truly rocky road this guy has had and I am not sure why.  He’s the best cat and really doesn’t cause problems and is very laid back.  He will of course fight with family but outside of that he is just so sweet.  He is eating a little bit and drinking a lot.  I have my doubts if we are going to be able to hold out until Saturday to see the vet.  I am trying but if things don’t change then I think I will need to make the call to go over early.  Each time he gets sick I wonder if this will be the last time.  I really still want to hang on to him.  I know he wants to hang on to me.  I guess time will tell.

Ruth is back to her old self, she doesn’t like me to watch her eat but she sure begs for the food.  I give it to her and sit back to see what she is going to do.  She knows I am watching so she plays like she doesn’t like it.  Turn my head and look back in a minute she is packing it away like it’s going to be her last meal.  Everyone knows I am worried about Bear and I think they all know he doesn’t feel the greatest but so long as I continue to put food out they all seem content to eat. 

Work is very awkward this week.  I am so ready to move on.  Talked with my new boss yesterday he is a chatter box.  He told me that no one ever asked him about moving me and so unless I had an objection that I would stay put.  I am going with that for now.  If I have problems then I will address it and try to get moved but not sure that I would ever be as fortunate to get moved to an office, like I really want.  My hours are going to be the same and I can always re-address that and get to a different shift if I so choose.  That is kind of nice but for right now there is going to be enough change going on with learning I don’t want to put too much on my body.  Plus you have the whole Bear situation.  If something is going to go south with that there will never be a good time but I don’t want to have to take time off in my first week.  I know everyone will understand and it’s a new role not like I am a fresh face and starting day 1 with no seniority.  Still I don’t want to make a bad impression.  Very anxious to be off the whine line.  I know that a good portion of my days will be spent on the phone in conference calls, meetings and training.  However, that is totally different than taking a call from a user who’s computer ‘doesn’t work’. 

Last night I came home to my new trash cans.  One is for trash and the other is for recycling.  They are huge and I only barley have room to fit one of them in the garage.  So I will be doing some garage cleaning over the weekend.  Still only keeping the trash bin in the garage.  The recycle bin is on the deck and will stay there, I am not a recycler.  Sorry but it’s just not my thing.  We were all told that we should not use the bins until next week still people filled them up and put them out.  The trash truck came this morning and they passed everyone by that had used the new container.  There is going to be a lot of upset folks.  They are the same people that will be clueless about the pick up day changing.  Were supposed to get a post card this week to notify us of the new day of the week..  Not looking forward to that because your asking me to change something that I have been doing for 15 plus years.  However, with time I will adapt even if it takes a calendar reminder.  I still like the old way but I do see advantages of the new way.  I have to get used to it for a bit and then see how I feel.

In the way of food I picked up some Magnum raspberry ice creams bars from the store.  3 bars were $5 which is a bit much.  They are coated heavily in chocolate with a nice layer of raspberry inside.  I have only had one and could easily eat the whole box.  They are so good. 

There is a lot of work that I still need to do before the change next week but I have 0 motivation.  I am trying to just limp along.  I mean there is ample time to get it all done, it’s not like if it’s not done by Monday they are out of time.  It just means that someone will have to work at it … if I wasn’t changing roles I would still be taking my sweet time.  I’d get it all done by the mid May deadline but I just work at a different pace.  If you try to rush through it you will miss something and that will make someone mad and have to call for help.  Do I plan to dump most of this work off on someone, yes is the answer.  They would do the same thing to me if the tables were turned.  Besides that what if I was leaving to start a new job at a new company it’s kind of no different.  I have been pushed by a couple people to speed it up but we ran into problems last week that I didn’t help.  There are a total of 5 machines to change out.  I have 1 pretty well done.  Moving on to #2 today and then we shall see where we go from there.  Coming to work this week feels like I am on vacation but still required to work.  I am giddy about the change and ready to get on with it. 

Enough ramble back to the fun.  Watching my bear on the cat cam.  He is sleeping.  I look forward to being able to pet him, hold his hand and try to reassure him that everything is going to be okay.  Plus it would be nice to come home to clean up a mess, nothing huge but something so that I know we are on our way to recovery.  Never wanted to clean up urine so bad. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Happy Birthday to my only commenter – Jude!

Punishment for my reward

I feel as if I am being punished for my promotion.  Ruth started to act funny about eating and actually lost her appetite.  I have her back to nibbling and I think she will be eating soon.  My heart was skipping beats over this.  This morning I found Bear in his bed, he was awake and alert.  He didn’t want to eat.  I drug him out of bed and put the food in front of him, still nothing.  I changed food because he often doesn’t like the first dish.  Again nothing.  Now I have 2 cats that are headed for trouble.  I get home from the grocery store and Bear started to eat but he is straining to go to the bathroom and he is dribbling again.  That tells me the Cystitis is back.  Poor guy he’s been to hell and back a couple times, you’d think the universe would give him a break.  What I want to know is why can’t something good happen in my life without anything else negative happening?  I deserve happiness and actually need it more than the average person.  I too have been to hell and back a couple times.  I just can’t lose a cat or even two right now, the timing is poor.  I found out last night Momma has diarrhea.  So really only Marv and Insty are healthy.

I felt bad but I think I figured out Ruth’s problem.  The water filter wasn’t changed on schedule.  Seems that some type of bacteria will build and one or more of them will get sick if I don’t change it every 4 weeks.  With my back being out of whack I totally forgot it.  This just served as a reminder to order more filters, so I took a break and did that. 

Now that I know my income is going to increase I seem to have no trouble spending money that I don’t even have yet.  Amazon loves me but I can tell you I won’t be terribly pleased when the bills roll in.  However, there are needs and wants – some of my spending is a little bit of both. 

Last night I was treated to dinner by a couple friends and we went to Maggiano’s.  I saw a cute guy I used to work with.  I said hi to him, we shook hands and had a quick couple words.  Then my friends looked at me and said do you know him?  Uh I greeted him by name and he’s not wearing a name tag.  Of course I know him.  Wow!  It was a good dinner.  I got Baked Ziti and took home Fettuccini Alfredo.  Desert was a double chocolate brownie with ice cream and fresh strawberries.  It was the best part of the whole meal.  It’s been a very long time since I have been to Maggiano’s and I always look forward to going back. 

My friends that I went out with are both actually former co-workers in a job many moons ago.  So I took my new job description with me and asked them to look it over.  I asked if they thought I was in over my head?  They both said no.  It will require me to learn some stuff that I don’t know but I shouldn’t struggle.  I was pleased to hear that and I don’t think they were just telling me what I wanted to hear.  I sort of feel like I will be in over my head, probably at first because there will be so much information coming at me.  However, long term I really feel I will do fine.  The big question is can I get over the withdrawal from the daily people interaction.  Sitting all day staring at a screen isn’t exactly going to be fun, but then again maybe it will be. 

Tomorrow will mark my last week in my present position.  Then the following Monday I will start my new adventure.  I am slated to talk with my new boss tomorrow afternoon and looking forward to that.  Apparently there are a lot of meetings to attend and there will also be a lot of phone time – so I shouldn’t be bored or have any free time like I do in my present position.  Not 100% but I think they are going to wait 2 months maybe longer before putting me in the on-call rotation which will be nice. 

Well time to get cracking on cleaning up this house.  Not something I want to do, I am in a pretty relaxed mood.  I did get rid of a few broken electronic items.  Of course after I am done I think of other things but they will have to wait until next year.  The bigger problem now is that I didn’t get my new trash can and it was supposed to be here by Friday.  In fact they skipped our whole subdivision.  I’m not sure anyone is worried about it but I am so I will be calling tomorrow.  Because starting next week we have to use them or they won’t pick up the trash.

Hope your having a great weekend and have a great week ahead.  I will do my best to make sure that things go great for me, but there is only so much I have control of.  Take care and we will talk again soon!

The News I have been waiting for

Well it’s official, I have the new job.  I got a decent offer it’s not what I asked for but it is more than I am making now and it will be the most money I have made in my entire life.  Finally after all of the bad something good has finally happened.  I am numb.  There is fear of the unknown but that comes with any new job.  I really don’t know my new manager that well.  The manager I have today is awesome and we are very close.  I will miss her.

It’s tough to keep it quiet but I have to.  I was able to tell a few people but the rest of my team won’t know until tomorrow.  I don’t know when everyone else will be told but I know it will sadden a lot of people because I won’t be their support person.  They are going to hire a replacement for my position so that is a good thing.  I hope that it is someone that is as responsible and responsive as I am, otherwise they won’t be a good fit.

Privacy and confidentiality are roles that come with my new job.  I am eager to get started but also a little nervous.  There is a lot of training and it’s going to take a while to get up to speed.  I found out that from the looks of things I won’t be moving and will still maintain my same cube but that is kind of a curse because everyone is used to coming to my desk and I will have to point them in another direction.  I also really wanted an office but hey it’s not the end of the world. 

I am sure everything will work out fine and my nerves will settle down, it’s just going to take time.  The real discipline will come to the extra money in my paycheck.  I have to force myself to save it and not spend it.  Even though I have spent some of it with my retail therapy.  Thankfully I didn’t go hog wild and buy a new car.  But that is my goal, get comfortable and once everything is going well I plan on getting that new car, it will be bitter sweet, just like the change in positions.

I really wish that I could tell my late partner the good news but some how I think he already knows.  It just sucks that I can see the facial reaction and get a hug from him.  Well it’s going to be a long night I have to call a couple of friends and let them know the good news.  Hopefully my one friend won’t keep yacking forever. 

Hope that all is well in your world and we shall talk again soon.   

Still Waiting

It’s probably not a surprise to you that I am still playing the waiting game.  Close of business on Monday, my ass.  I am starting to wonder if they are ever going to tell me anything or if I will just be left in a perpetual state of wondering.  Honestly it’s starting to really annoy me.  We have a team meeting tomorrow and typically they make announcements in the meeting, but usually the people who are getting the promotion and those who didn’t get it have already been informed.  At this point nothing really would surprise me, unless I actually got a phone call that said we want to make you an offer.  In an effort to get even I would be tempted to say let me think about it and get back with you tomorrow by close of business and then not call until mid afternoon on the following day. 

The one good thing that did happen yesterday is my Pearson Specter LItt polo shirt showed up.  It’s the name of the Law Firm on the USA TV Show Suits.  I paid a pretty penny for it and it looks great.  I have to send it through the laundry and then I will be wearing it proudly.  I am interested to see what reactions I get, if any.  Sort of like when I bought my first gay pride shirt – though Suits is not a gay themed TV show.

Over the weekend I had to do some retail therapy and I feel horrible about it.  I bought a new pen, well it’s actually a rollerball.  It was something new on sale and I saw an email and had my eye on it.  I actually wanted one red and one blue but I just bought the red one.  It was only $35 but still I really don’t need another pen.  It would be like buying a new porn movie, I don’t need that either.  I have my vices just like anyone else but they aren’t common.  Still I am looking forward to it’s arrival later this week.  I also bought some other things but none of them are used to write with or to have sex with.  So I guess I did okay there. 

I spend money after holding back and feel guilty knowing that I will have a vet bill to pay soon and that won’t be cheap either.  I am in a horrible state right now.  Feeling alone and wishing I had a man to come home to and feeling frustrated over the job situation.  I know it will all work out soon enough but I am an instant gratification junkie as well.  Shame I can’t make things happen in my time.

Ah well off to work and who knows maybe today will be the day.  I can’t tell you how many times I have said that and at the end of the day I am still left waiting and wondering.  My thoughts go from good in that well maybe it’s the approval process to bad in that I didn’t get it and they are working with the other guy and once he accepts then they will tell me.  At this point it’s anyone’s guess.  If I ever hear I will be sure to post about it. 

Happy Tuesday!

HTTPS available now

So if for some reason you want to view my blog using HTTPS (Hypertext Transfer Protocol Secure, and instead of acting as its own application layer protocol, it uses separate protocols called SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) and TLS (Transport Layer Security).  It is now available.  Not just for my blog but for all Blogger blogs, provided the blog owner has enabled this.  I just learned about it and turned it on. 

Happy browsing!

Wait 1 more day, really!

Friday… I waited a few hours and then the stress just got to me.  I picked up the phone and reached out to the recruiter.  She told me that she had to talk with the hiring manager to get his decision and then would be in touch either later in the day or by close of business on Monday.  Monday, seriously!  I did some investigating through the power of technology and found out that she fed me a line of crap.  She had already talked with the hiring manager 1/2 hour before I called.  So either I didn’t get it and she didn’t want to tell me OR they are trying to get this approved.  Either way her assurance that I will know by close of business on Monday is good to know.  However, I don’t believe it until she actually calls.  I mean we have gone from a couple days to tomorrow now to Monday.  I mean really why put someone through this kind of agony?  I just want the damn decision if I got it tell me, even if you don’t know how much it’s going to pay we can work that out.  If I didn’t get it let me know so that I can wallow in self pity and move on. 

Considering that I am still waiting, I left work depressed and just wanted to get home.  My neck and shoulder were bothering me as well.  I came home fed the cats and drank a soda and ate a few scones.  Then I found a movie to get lost in and laid down on the couch.  I fell asleep and then jerked my head when I woke up, that didn’t feel good at all.  Finished the movie.  Then came downstairs to finish giving away my money.  Then I spent like 2 hours designing new stationary for myself.  It started with a prank that I wanted to pull and decided to call off.  Then I got lost in fonts and that is how it came about.  Now I want to write a letter but don’t need to, I am sure with time it will happen.  I also made a bold move and put up a profile on Grindr.  Then I took some medicine, watched some more TV and called it a night.

Saturday… I was supposed to get up early and gather all of my electronics that no longer work and take them to the local eWaste drive but that didn’t happen.  Thankfully they will have another one next Saturday so I get one more chance.  I did get up and get moving before the post office closed so that I could pickup Bear’s pee pads.  Then I treated myself to breakfast at IHOP.  Holy crap Strawberry N Creme Crepes I should have never ordered them.  I had a half order at first and then a full order.  I should have stuck with my omelet it would have been much cheaper.  Then I went on a short drive for gas, got a car wash and then came back home.  Took a nap after surfing on my phone.  Woke up and played on the computer.  Decided to apply for a couple credit cards.  Got shot down on one and the other one said they need more time to process my application, so I will receive their decision in the mail it could take up to a month.  My Bankruptcy Attorney told me that anyone I filed against would never give me a card again.  Thus far that is a true statement.  Even good old AMEX who I paid faithfully in full each month.  Now it would be to their benefit to give me a card because I can’t file again for a number of years, meaning that if I was reckless and irresponsible that they could easily back me in to a corner and I would have no recourse.  However I am not reckless and irresponsible and they aren’t willing to take the chance. 

I eventually went back out had to stock up on cat liter as I was out.  Target had a bedding sale so I picked up a new pillow, mattress pad and sheet set.  I hope that this will help ease my neck and shoulder issues.  The pain is no where near what it was put it does flair up and when I wake up my arms are still numb and tingle.  That part actually concerns me.  Sounds more like a pinched nerve.  But then again I am no doctor.  In any event I do have plans to take a nice long hot and steamy shower before I climb into my new freshly made bed that should lull me right to sleep and hopefully Marv is by my side to help with the lulling part.  Amazing how my fat ass can share a twin bed with a big male cat.  Neither one of us falls off and we both have plenty of room. 

Finished up at Target and then went to get cat food and finally stopped in at Denny’s for a nice Bacon Cheeseburger with onion rings and a diet coke.  Wow that was damn good, they sure know how to make burgers there.  Onion rings had a little salt on them and that just hit the spot.  Came home and now I am in wardrobe change mode putting away all of my long sleeve shirts and gathering the short sleeved ones to go through the laundry.

Still need to go to the grocery store and clean up the house.  Thinking of having something other than pizza for supper tomorrow just to change it up a bit.  I went out to lunch on Friday and had a calzone which is essentially a folded pizza in a pocket.  It was good but I kind of want something else and it can’t be chicken, I am so sick of chicken.  So I shall take my chances at the grocery store, might even hit up the upscale store better selection and the chance of seeing more hot guys.  It costs more but somethings are worth the extra money. 

My mood is kind of all over the place.  Doesn’t help that I didn’t take my morning meds.  Kind of surprised that I am not sneezing my head off since there is pollen in the air.  I did have my evening dose.  I really just want to go on vacation but not alone.  Today was a nice day should have went for pie or to the buffet but neither of them really struck my fancy when I started thinking about the cost of gasoline. 

So here I sit in my cat house.  Need to trim Ruth’s claws tomorrow.  I made a bold move last night and tried to pick her up, no gloves just out of the blue.  She expressed her displeasure with my unsuccessful attempt and she almost bit me.  They say you have to watch out for that snapping pussy and they aren’t kidding.  She will do anything she can to get away and everything is fair game from biting, hissing to clawing you to death.  People think that a dog is more vicious and can do more damage but I say cats and dogs are equal.  Dogs have their mouth and a dog bite is pretty bad but if you get bitten and clawed by a cat it can be equally as damaging.  With both the bacteria that lives in their mouths is the killer … once they bite you the bacteria is in the wound and there is no way to get it out, no matter how much you wash.  You will need antibiotics and both can carry diseases like rabies.  So if it’s up to me I would pass on getting into a confrontation with any animals.  Some days it’s hard enough o just deal with people.  While I am on the subject of animals, I did get a vet appointment for Bear & Momma in 2 weeks on a Saturday.  They are staggered an hour apart, that will cost me but hopefully will also give me peace of mind as well as more medicine for each of them. 

Let’s pray that Monday is in fact my day good or bad.  I kind of think that I have it in the bag but don’t want to jinx anything.  I am hoping for really good news meaning a yes decision, a nice increase in pay and that I start in the new role soon.  Then perhaps I can build a nest egg and really work like crazy to get myself out of debt.  Stay tuned as I continue to wait.

I hope your all doing well, the sun is shining in your part of the world and that it’s reasonably comfortable outside.  Also that your problems and worries are no where close to mine.  I know that we all have problems some more severe than others.  Hey I’m sharing most of mine, you can feel free to share yours with me if you so choose.  Here’s to the weekend!

Late Breaking News

I got a phone call this afternoon and have it on very good authority that I should have an answer about the job situation tomorrow.  As I suspected it is between me and a counter part of mine.  One of us will be really happy and one of us will be really sad.  For my sake I hope I am the happy one.

Just because your made an offer doesn’t mean you have to accept it.  So if for example they chose the other guy he could say he has to think about it or try to negotiate something else, then if it falls through they have the option but not sure if they would offer it to the other person. 

I really think I have the edge here and hoping that I am right for once in my life.  Not to sound pathetic but I’ve been through some awful bad stuff and it’s time for the wind to change and bring me some good news and good luck. 

Of course I will keep you posted.  Right now I am going to grab the ice my back and shoulder are acting up a little bit.  Plus it’s about treat time for the kids.  Ta for now.

Couple more days

I got tired of waiting and made a proactive phone call to someone I trust in our HR Department.  She told me that it would be perfectly acceptable to reach out for an update if I so chose.  I did and found out that because the recruiter that I was working with is out on vacation, that is the reason why no one has communicated anything back.  See I was told that she was out and there was someone covering for her, well that is the person I spoke with to get my update.  Thankfully the recruiter that is on vacation will be back tomorrow.  So I was told to expect an update either tomorrow or on Monday.  I am really hoping for tomorrow and if I don’t hear anything by afternoon tomorrow I may just reach out and play dumb to see how things are going.  This is getting rather annoying.  I can honestly say that I think this one is in the bag and the job will be mine but that is my gut feeling.  I also thought that I would have news by Wednesday so it’s anyone’s guess at this point.  I did find out that the hiring manager will be out starting on Tuesday so hopefully that will speed things up.  I can only speculate that I have the job based on how well things went but I have no idea how the other interviews that were done turned out.  I just know I don’t want to endure another week of waiting, I mean a couple days for a decision is one thing but this is lingering far too long in my opinion. 

My shoulder and back pain is still present but getting duller.  I did the ice thing last night and that seemed to help.  I also changed pillows and didn’t have quite as difficult time of getting out of bed this morning.  No word yet if our massage lady is coming or not, but if she does show up I am tempted to engage her services. 

Outside of that everything else is moving along.  Tomorrow is not only Friday but it’s pay day so I get to give away more money.  Not my favorite thing in the world to do but it does keep me out of trouble with a roof over my head.  Really amazed that I am continuing to go on and how far I have come.  I still think this is a nightmare that is going to end eventually but then reality sets in and that hurts.  Looking at all of the crap he left behind and wanting to get rid of it but being paralyzed not to is hard to over come.  I know the longer I wait the worse it will get but eventually I will get to a point where I can deal with it and that is when the stuff will go flying out the door or away to an auction.  I have some motivation with the automated trash pickup deadline looming that I need to get rid of everything that I want to that won’t fit into the new container.  Because if it’s not in the container they don’t pick it up, which I think sucks but then again who am I, just a tax paying citizen. 

One of the many things that I ordered on Amazon has been a shampoo brush.  They are plastic and I use them as combs.  I already know how to give a good head job shampoo.  They were sold in a bundle of 4.  I took one of them and decided to use it on Ruth (shy girl).  She likes it but doesn’t want to stand still long enough for me to use it effectively on her.  Last night I broke it out and used it on Bear (big boy) man he loves it.  That motor was running and he kept asking for more.  I would scratch his head with it and that just sent him over the moon.  It was pleasure like he hadn’t experienced before.  I was able to get Marv but only for a short time.  He liked it too but was skeptical that I was going to somehow hurt him.  They are all quite a handful and sometimes more than I can take care of but somehow I manage.  I just feel rather sorry for Bear and try as much as I can to give him attention that the others are able to get by walking in front of me or following me.  Ruth actually came into my room last night on her own accord, she kept her distance but walked up long enough to get a quick smell of my foot, to make sure that I was daddy and not an imposter.  I am truly amazed at how I am starting to bond with her, she is more trusting and knows that I won’t hurt her but it’s still necessary once and a while to trap her to trim those claws.  She doesn’t like it and never will.  I think that is just part of her personality that will never change and I will always have to trap her to trim them.  To think that the plan before she was named was to give her away.  No one would have put up with her timid behavior and the way she throws a fit if she doesn’t want you to touch her.  I think she would have easily been tossed into the street.  I think this all worked out this way for a reason and that is because they needed shelter, food and medical care.  I enrich their life as much as they enrich mine.  With that I am reminded it’s time to make vet appointments.  So not looking forward to that from the inconvenience of lugging them (bear and momma) over to what it is going to cost.  I need more pills for both of them and the only way to get them is to take them in.  I might be able to scrounge by for a bit but eventually it will take a visit, so why fight it – better to go with the flow and just suffer through it.

One more day and then we have another weekend.  Hope all is well in your world. 

Pain & Anticipation

As you can probably guess by the title, I am still waiting to hear about the internal job I applied for.  They said HR would be in touch within a couple days.  We spoke last Thursday.  It’s been 4 days as of today.  A couple days to me means 2 or 3 days.  4 I think is stretching it.  What am I going to do complain, cry or throw a fit?  Nope I have to sit and just wait with baited breath or anticipation.  I may reach out tomorrow but really want to hold off until Friday.  One being that I could get a response tomorrow and two people are so much more helpful on Friday’s.  They are typically in a good mood looking forward to having two days off.  So waiting plays to my advantage or so I think.  I am trying to stay positive that I’ve got this but I keep on thinking what if I don’t get this.  I really thought today would be my day, but thus far that is not true.  It’s almost 4:30 and I don’t have much hope left that I will get any word today. 

Pain yes my shoulder and neck are killing me.  Things are still the same where it hurts like hell when I first get going.  I have even lost feeling in my right arm.  I was starting to wonder if I had a stroke.  Neurologically from what I can tell I am in tact and I know there are many more symptoms of a stroke that it would or should be obvious.  I don’t have any facial drooping and I can smile just fine.  So tonight I am changing pillow around, trying cold therapy instead of heat.  I mean the worst thing that can happen is that it doesn’t work and I am still in pain.  I can always call over to the doc in the box here at work to have them look at me for no cost.  Toughing this one out is starting to really suck  I have never had muscle problems that lasted this long.  I guess this is another case of welcome to growing up and getting older, things hurt more and it takes longer to bounce back, even still you might not get to bounce back to 100%, which is far worse. 

On a different note I saw a co worker having a TV dinner and it was Chicken & Dumplings.  So I picked up a couple of them at the store.  I had one last night.  Wow very salty, not happy about that but it was pretty good for being a frozen dinner.  Makes me crave a stop at Cracker Barrel for a simulated home cooked meal.  I realize once and a while how much I miss that.  There were other special dishes that my late partner and chef used to make that I know I will never taste again.  I wish I could afford a chef.  If I let the cat’s make me supper I would probably starve. 

Traffic has been really good so far this week.  I have seen a couple close calls where I thought someone was going to wreck but outside of that it’s been smooth sailing.  I look forward to that experience again tonight.  Hopefully this won’t jinx me. 

My municipality is having a eWaste drive to recycle used electronic items.  I always thing I have everything when I go to these events but some how manage to miss something.  Thankfully they are doing it two weekends in a row.  So I will be busy gathering items on Friday night provided I fee like it.  I should have a small load to drop off and that will help free up some space.  Old cordless phones, lead acid batteries and who knows what else I will find.  Speaking of waste we are getting closer to our automated trash pickups.  They start the 1st of next month and while I don’t have my containers yet I really don’t look forward to this.  I think it’s going to suck, but if they stay on time I should be able to grab the container and wheel it in before I go to work.  If they are late well then I could be chasing a container if we have wind. 

I am so exhausted I could just curl up and go to sleep.  It seems the more I have to deal with and think about the quicker I become exhausted.  I have a fair amount of stress and I know that is not good for me mentally or physically.  However, if life were just picture perfect and there was no stress I think I would fall apart because I wouldn’t know how to react.  Still I can dream of a stress free life. 

That is all I have on this hump day.  I hope your having a great day.