24 June 2017

Musings of Friday & Saturday


Glad that this day of the week finally came.  It was a shit show all day long.  I came in to an email inbox with plenty of things to take care of.  There was some poor communications and I wound up turning 2 people off that were still working and hadn’t actually left.  Woops.  I felt semi-bad, despite the fact that it wasn’t my fault.  It was an easy fix and then come 5p I had to turn them off for real.  Fun times. 

Since I got back logged out of the blue, our planning session for the new guy won’t be until Monday.  Tuesday we get to meet him via a Video Conference.  I just hope were getting a *solid* person and not a lazy ass who wants to collect a paycheck.  I am nervous about that, but only time will tell.

I stopped at Wendy’s on the way home.  I said to myself, self you need a treat.  Got a Bacconater and a Large Chili.  That was a tasty meal.  I had to wolf it down because I had to login and take care of a couple things. 

My favorite part of the day, time to pick up my Black Beary (not the phone) and get my bear hug and pass out kisses.  Then we relax on the couch.  He sleeps and kneads my hands, while I watch TV and/or play on my phone or both.  He has to have constant attention, if you stop petting him he will let you know all about it.  Greedy boy.  He is taking his medicine fine, no noticeable change in him yet.  Still picky but he is eating. 

I decided to go looking for my volt meter to check out ye old car battery.  Turns out I have no idea where I put it.  Thankfully my late partner has a collection of them. So I got one and tested the battery.  It was 75% charged.  I put it on the charger and 2 hours later came back and tested it again.  Looked pretty good to me.  So I stopped.  Something about a battery charger on all night long, it just makes me nervous. 

To end the evening I finally took some me time and watched some porn.  Bear was vying for my attention but I told him I had to take care of myself.  Not that it matters but it had been a couple days.  After that, I looked on Netflix and found something to occupy my time, until my sleeping medicine kicked in.  Light out. 


Found out that today was the Pride event.  I have never been and I didn’t go this year either.  It just doesn’t sound like fun going alone.  It was a nice summer day and wasn’t too hot. 

I woke up at 7a and couldn’t go back to sleep.  So I got out of bed, only to find that Ruth was waiting on me.  She took one look at me and saw how close I was to her and she ran to the kitchen.  I passed out food and then had to check to see what the latest scenes were on the porn sites I subscribe to. 

Corbin Fisher had an awesome scene so time to watch more porn.  The cats tried to bother me but once there is a rhythm you reach the point of no return.  The funny thing is that I am loud when I reach orgasm, it scares the cats to death.  Momma comes running in to see what the hell is wrong with me and if I am still breathing.  Yeah I am breathing alright. 

I think the world needs more Saturdays, Orgasms and Delicious Food.  Then we would all be in a utopia and we would be so busy screwing and eating, no one would have time to do anything else. 

I eventually went back to sleep.  I didn’t eat or take any pills.  I woke up and then decided I would get going.  Only going didn’t mean what I thought it would.  I ate, had my pills and then watched more TV.  I found a Netflix movie about a kid who has DMD (a form of muscular dystrophy), he isolated himself and lived his life by a schedule.  He needed a caretaker and that guy took him kicking and screaming but he got him out of his shell and off his routines.  The movie I believe was called Caregiver and it’s a Netflix exclusive.  There is all kind of emotion, check it out you will be pleased that you did. 

By now it’s close to 2p.  I opted to throw on a pride shirt, I mean if I wasn’t going the least I could do is let the world know I am gay.  I feel very confident about wearing my pride shirts.  I get compliments on them all the time.  This wasn’t one of those times.  I grabbed the mail, something else I hadn’t done for a few days.  Nothing good in there, just medicine and bills.  Then I went to grab pizza.  The gay guy I like was there.  He paid no attention to me, but I can’t say the same.  I enjoyed seeing him and his nice little ass.  Hey I can dream, right I mean that is free.  Pizza was just okay this time.  Had a couple slices and then back home. 

Once I got in the door, I had to feed the cats.  Then my stomach was bothering me.  Now I knew I had to go to the bathroom even before I left the house.  I tried but nothing happened.  So I went about my business.  When I got home the urge was stronger so I tried again, it took me almost what seemed like an hour (probably more like 30 minutes) and ah victory.  I have notice this change in bowel habits, it’s kind of scary.  It’s been about a month ever since my co-worker left.  I think it’s stress related.  However, the more I think of it, the more I am thinking of mentioning it at my next doctors visit.  I just hope it doesn’t get me a finger in my ass.  I have never enjoyed that be it a medical thing or a sexual thing.  It looks good on film but it’s just not for me. 

So after my marathon I got a little sick.  I fed the children and then took a nap.  When I woke up I still didn’t feel good.  I just wanted to go to bed and be left alone.  However, I forced myself to get my lazy ass up and get moving.  Headed out again to Target and the Cat Food Store.  I encountered no cute guys on this trip.  Then came back home.  Started dishes and laundry, plus put away the cat food. 

I checked the battery in the car again and it’s still 100% charged according to what I read on the web.  I looked for a replacement battery last night for the hell of it and the fucking thing is $245.  It’s covered under the manufacturers warranty.  So my plan is to drive it for a few days and then check it.  This is going to go 1 of 2 ways.  Either it’s good and I don’t need to do anything or I have a bad battery on my hands and will need to make arrangements for service.  I hope that it was just low and the charge I gave it was the swift kick it needed!

My friend…

So earlier this week I told you about a classmate/friend that is the same age as me and has cancer.  I am bothered by his news, I mean were both way too young to even think about cancer.  I know that cancer doesn’t care how old you are or what your demographics are, it doesn’t discriminate. 

I sent my pal a note expressing how much in shock I was and that I was confident that he would beat it.  I didn’t have any of the details and I wanted to ask but thought it was better just to talk and try to show compassion and confidence. 

He sent me a message back thanking me for such a lovely note.  Turns out he has Colon Cancer.  He had some issues a few months back and had surgery because he thought he had internal hemorrhoids.  They cut out most of what they thought was hemorrhoids but when the pathology report came back, they said it was cancer.  There is a little bit left in him so that’s why he is going through Chemo and Radiation.  I told him all about my late partner and his battle with colo-rectal cancer.  We both thought it was the end of the road for him but turns out it wasn’t.  He beat it despite having to have a colostomy. 

I do hope that everything turns out well for this guy.  He appears to live in the fast lane.  I say that because a few weeks before this news was posted, he saw a brand new Red Porsche at a local dealer.  He bought the car, said it was a mid-life crisis.  Hey if you can afford it, why not treat yourself.  If I was him now I would be thinking what in the hell did I get myself into.  However, I don’t think he has to worry from a money or health benefit perspective.  His only concern is will he make it through this.  If his docs are top notch and know what they are doing, then yeah he is going to be just fine.  Sounds like they got this in time.

Other issues…

In listening to Connor Franta’s recently published book (Note to Self) he talks about self-deprecation and how he held himself back.  I have engaged in that to but it really didn’t hit heavy until the death of my late partner 

I think of a lot of things I want to do, plan and then slowly find reasons why I can’t or don’t want to.  I eventually smother the idea or the plan so that it falls apart and never happens.  I keep asking myself, why do I do this?  It’s a question that I do not have an answer to.  Now I do treat myself and take risks, but I am not living my life 100% as I want to.  It’s as if I am trapped in a prison in my mind and I am holding myself back.  Maybe it’s because I am all alone for the first time in my entire life and it’s scary as fuck.  Maybe it’s because I have a negative self image, I think I am ugly and I know I am fat.  Occasionally I do see an image where I am beautiful and/or hot.  I find that most when looking at photos of the past and I say to myself, damn I would fuck me if I wasn’t me. 

I have figured out that I am the only thing that is holding me back.  There are some situations where that is a very good thing and other situations where it’s no so good.  I have developed a stronger relationship with my inner voice or gut and I learned the hard way don’t ignore that voice.  So I listen now.  That voice is what caused me to ask 2 guys out on dates, it was awkward but I did it and having been through it, I see that it’s kind of fun.  It also makes me want to do it over and over, just to get the rush.

I have plans to re-listen to Connor’s book again.  There is more that I can take away from it.  It’s funny how a young man is teaching an old man.

I am also oddly obsessed with Elizabeth Warren.  She is a United States Senator.  I saw her many years ago appear in a film about debt.  Now I have learned that in addition to being a Senator she is also an author.  I could listen to her talk for hours.  Now I can, she has a couple book available on Audible and I know I will be buying them.  That will be fun to listen to.  I think she will be a Presidential Candidate in the next election, at least that is what is brewing from what I hear.  Most anyone (with a few exceptions) would be better as President than the ass hat we have now.  He is fucking up our country and I am sure many who voted for him didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. 

Sir Marvin is having a meowing fit and wants me to come upstairs.  I best obey him or he will crow until I give in.  He caught a fly earlier today, I was so proud of him.  He wants to play constantly and daddy has some time for play but not a lot.  He is obsessed with this bright pink ball that has a carpet like texture to it.  He will bat it around and carry it around to show it off.  He talks to it, which is really quite funny. So he is like a fire alarm in that he keeps meowing until he gets what he wants.  It gets on my last nerve, I think he knows that so that is why he does it in the first place.  They all know my buttons and when you push them I get very unhappy quickly.  Off to tend to him. 

Best wishes for the week ahead, may it have more ups than downs.  Ciao for now. 

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