I just read on Facebook that Jonathan Groff announced that Looking has been cancelled by HBO. They promise to make a movie to wrap things up so we (those of us that watch the show) aren’t left hanging. I am not at all happy about this. I love me some Jonathan Groff and the show in my opinion was perfect. It took a bit to get into but of course once I did they pulled the plug. Ah well, hopefully he will get another gig soon.
I happily discovered last night that I am done with Bankruptcy. I figured out that with the payment they took a couple days ago that it puts me about $100 over the target number that I needed to reach. I am waiting for the government to update a website that reflect the actual amount paid in, then I can get a letter sent to the attorney and hope that the hardship discharge is approved. Meanwhile after I send the letter I will be stopping payment on the automatic debting service. I see no reason to make any further payments until the court decides how we should proceed. If things move slow then in 2 months I will get a letter informing me that there hasn’t been a payment made and that I will need to make a payment in order to keep the case active, otherwise they will seek to dismiss the case. I’ve come so far that I don’t want to get the case dismissed because that gives his creditors the right to come back after the house, despite the fact that the house is in my name. They have a ‘look back perioid’ which I think is pure BS but there isn’t anything that I can about it. I was very happy last night because I figured that I had one more month to go. So things are looking up .. first the house is in my name and the payment is lower, now the bankruptcy is hopefully toast. I have pretty well resolved every outstanding matter. Now I have to wait for a piece of paper saying the debt has been forever discharged by the court then I am free. The only thing left is to close his/our bank account which I have drug my feet on purpose to do. Right now I use that account to pay the mortgage, I have enough money deposited in so that I don’t have to fuss with saving money – I know that it’s already done. So when it’s mortgage payment time I just point and click and it’s done.
Moving on and having these hurdles out of the way helps. However, it’s also a reminder that he is gone. The pain of the loss and the pain of moving on are still there. It’s getting better with time but what isn’t getting better is the loneliness. Grindr and the other dating apps haven’t exactly helped me. However, I find them addictive to the point where I feel the need to constantly check to see if a guy is interested or has sent me a real message. I know that I had to push really hard but when I first jumped in head first I was able to get a date. So I know that is possible. The problem is finding someone who is genuinely interested and wants to get to know me vs just having sex. The longer this goes on the more desperate I get and desperate people do in fact do desperate things. Things that they normally wouldn’t do. Thus far I have fought off and resisted all temptation but that is becoming more difficult to do as the days go on. I mean we all need, want and desire human companionship and affection. It’s a basic human desire/need. It doesn’t matter if your short, tall the color of your skin or which team you play for. At the end of the day you need to know someone loves and cares for you, plus you need a hug or an embrace once and a while. Sex is also a very good things as well, I suppose with age you might eventually get past the sex part but the rest of it is a requirement and need that will not pass.
In other news Marvin has decided to mimic his mother and we play soccer now. I kick a ball to him with my feet and tell him to kick it back and he does. I had him trained at one point to play fetch but since I didn’t stick with it, that has faded away. I will gladly take the soccer activity. It is kind of fun and I enjoy seeing his face. He is very lazy if the ball doesn’t come right to him he meows or stares at it as if to say well kick it over to me. Funny guy. Life is normal in the cat house.
We have another team meeting today and I just found out they hired a consultant to interview us they claim it’s to help improve a workflow process but who knows if that is the truth. I just hope there isn’t more changes or drama that come from our meetings. I think they are highly unproductive and it’s just a way to pass time and get paid for working through lunch. I am not opposed to the overtime but I would much rather eat in peace and not have to worry about being on the phone.
It’s been another busy day here in paradise. I have to go pick up some equipment from someone’s office that left yesterday. Next week we have someone new starting in a different position. It’s all about keeping it moving regardless if it’s a new hire or someone leaving. While I will be slightly busier than I want to be this weekend I am ready for it. I’ve got a therapy appointment on Saturday and I am eager to get there and talk. Perhaps I will find some answers or a coping mechanism.
Here’s hoping that the sun is shining in your neck of the woods and that life is treating you well. 2 more days left in this week and they can’t go by fast enough for me. I hope there are some laughs in all of our futures. Talk with you peeps later.
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