Forty Five Today

I feel just like I did yesterday, only today I am a year older.  I like an even number but I would much rather be 35 than 45. Happy that I made it this far.

Last night I had a horrible dream about Marvin, it was so real and terrifying.  I was pleased as punch to see him when I woke up.  I was up and down last night, had to drink a ton of water because I got a massage.  My shoulders really feel it today.  I am also tired probably because I am older and the fact that I was up and down last night.  Being the day before a long holiday weekend and the fact it’s my birthday, I really don’t want to be at work but am thankful that I have a job. 

Lots of people are reaching out on FB today wishing me a Happy Birthday.  I got one card at work.  My team wished me a happy birthday, which was nice.  I figured that someone might offer to take me to lunch but that is not the case.  Totally fine, I came prepared because I am not going to hungry. 

I have been asked so what are you doing special for your birthday?  Nothing really I have decided that I will be stopping at Wendy’s on the way home.  Going to have a heart attack in a sack for supper, a large chili and top it all off with a chocolate frosty.  There you have my birthday meal.  I got myself some toys but they are of the adult nature, so I don’t advertise that.  I bet you if I said well I thought I’d treat myself so I got the king kong butt plug that would leave them speechless with their jaws just hanging open.  Like what did he just say.  I don’t know if such a thing exists but that isn’t what I got myself. 

Earlier in the week a nice looking guy sent me a message.  I opened it and it sounded robotic.  I looked at his profile, which wasn’t complete.  He was asking me about me.  Uh that is why we have profiles, so you can read about me and then decide if you want to reach out.  So I kindly responded and directed him to my profile, I told him I would be happy to answer any questions he might have.  I asked him to tell me more about him, since his profile was lacking information.  I half way expected a response, but didn’t get one.  Never heard from him again.  I think if he was a bot I would have gotten some response.  Robots can be hard to spot unless your on Grindr and then it’s really obvious.  A guy who is more than 2,000 miles away is 4 foot high sent you a message that said hey hot stuff.  You respond, even though he’s not on line and instantly you get a response back.  You think your talking to a real person for a minute but the longer it goes on the quicker it is to figure out that your talking with a robot.  How depressing and what a waste of time.  That is one of the many reason why I am not on Grindr. 

So really no movement on the dating adventure.  I still keep using the service I am enrolled on, hoping that Prince Charming will appear.  Maybe it will happen and then again maybe it won’t.  At least I am trying.  Speaking of which never did hear back from the cute waiter.  I have the evil though of going back to the restaurant and asking to be placed in his section.  Just to see what his reaction will be.  Who knows what he may do to my food but honestly I don’t think anything would happen to the food.  I think he would be super uncomfortable, nervous and feel a bit awkward.  Then again I think he kind of deserves it because he is the one who led me on by saying yes.  If your not interested or not gay, then the answer should have been no but thanks for asking.  Why bother saying yes.  Then again maybe he lost my number and will ask for it again.  I wouldn’t mind giving it to him again, but would ask for his and a last name, since he has my full name because I used a card to pay for my meal.  We shall see what happens.

The big event of the weekend will be getting Bear to the vet tomorrow.  He is not on a regular schedule of using the bathroom.  He went all day yesterday and it wasn’t until later in the evening when he took care of business.  Then about an hour later, he did more.  Nothing for the rest of the night.  It’s kind of worry some but at the same time he is still going so I think things are okay.  He is still eating that is for sure.  Whatever weight he lost I am sure I will hear that he gained it back, which is honestly fine by me.  I don’t care how fat or thin he is, so long as he is happy and in reasonably good health and has quality of life.  After that little adventure I am sure both my back and my wallet will be hurting.  I am interested to know how they will get a urine sample when I fully expect that he will empty his bladder in the car either when I place him in the seat or when he sees where he is going and we have to go inside.  That’s why he will be wrapped in a pee pad, go all you want, the pad traps the liquid and none of it gets on me.  The smell of cat pee is back when he goes now, so I suspect things are more potent (acidic) and that is what the food he is eating is designed to do.  I found him yesterday eating regular dry food when I got home.  Hey as long as your eating the prescription stuff you can supplement the bad stuff, it kind of evens things out. 

If your a Shameless fan, the show will be back on Showtime in 1 month from today.  I am excited for that.  I am also excited that it will be closer to the Charlie Puth concert, looking forward to seeing him live again.  That is yet another way I have treated myself but I did it earlier this summer when tickets were in pre-sales.

So while I made it to the big 4 5 it’s kind of lonely since the one I love isn’t here and I don’t have a current BF.  Here is hoping that the future has a lot more happiness in store for me and there is little to no sadness, depression, or trouble.  Not to sound stuck up but I think I have more than paid my dues with everything that I have been through.  Maybe I am wrong for thinking that I am entitled to something.  However, just because I think it doesn’t make it so. 

There you have it a birthday post complete.  Have a nice weekend and enjoy the weather.  Fall is around the corner and then it will be time to break out the long sleeves, which I hate so much.  But it will also be closer to Turkey Day so I guess it’s not so bad.  Take care and we shall talk again soon.

Working Wednesday

It’s been a busy day, which I really enjoy because time goes by so much faster.  Attended a security briefing by Talos and learned all about threats they have seen in the last quarter.  The newest trend looks like it’s crypto locker, but it is not.  Your files aren’t encrypted the software deletes them.  The one word most every IT professional will say more often than not is BACKUP.  The more copies you have the better protected you are but 1 of those copies needs to be off site.  There are multiple on line services that will do this for you automatically and store your files in the cloud.  If disaster strikes and you have non backup, then your data is gone.  That is almost as scary as if someone stole your car.  I’ve not been the victim of car theft but I have lost data over the years because I thought it was backed up when in fact, it wasn’t or the backup failed to restore it.  That is a sickening feeling and also can make one very mad.

It was raining last night on the commute home, took the full hour to go from the office straight home.  I was not pleased but there was little I could do about it.  What I hate mostly is keeping my foot on the brake, that starts to hurt some muscles after a while, which is rather odd because I have to press on the gas constantly.  I would rather move 5 mph than not move at all.  At least at 5 mph there is some hope that you will eventually get to your destination, even if it’s a year later.

So I got home to find that Bear had made one of his messes again.  This was one of those times where he should have had a bath.  I did the best I could and he is pretty clean.  However, I believe he will be getting a bath Friday night because Saturday he sees the doc.  I keep reminding him about it but you know he won’t want to go anymore than I do.  Gator appears to have resolved her allergy issues.  No more watery eye and no more sneezing.  That’s good news. 

I was able to pay bills last night.  Had to split auto insurance into payments, which didn’t make me happy.  I at least have a little bit of money left to live on until we get paid next.  I also have enough to get a massage tomorrow, so I signed up.  I hope that she doesn’t make me feel horrible the day after.  I am going to get rid of pain not to get new pain. 

There is the potential that I will have to stay late tonight, because people are leaving.  Usually this happens on a Friday which is the worst possible time for it because who doesn’t want to start their weekend?  I don’t care because I get over time so I will happily stay as long as nothing more important is going on.  Which now that I have been on my own there aren’t many things that go on.  I am still eager to get home.  UPS man left the expensive food on my front step and I want to get it inside and see if Bear will eat the canned stuff and if he likes it just as much as the dry stuff. 

I made a mistake about Maggiano’s.  Turns out that extra container I thought was sauce contained a single large meatball.  I am going to heat it up and mix it in to a spaghetti TV dinner, that should make it enjoyable.  I had chicken with BBQ sauce last night.  Time got away from me and I was in rush mode to get to bed.  Bear wanted attention from me and followed me to my room to collect.  I was able to lull him to sleep and then soon after that I had to go to bed because I was wiped out.

Tomorrow is my last day being 44.  Hard to believe that I have been on earth this long.  Seen and done a lot in my lifetime but there is much more waiting for me.  Hopefully a nice hunky man in my future that I can make memories with.  With all that I have been through I am blessed in that I have a home, a great job which enables me to provide for myself and my cats.  I might not be the happiest of people but I know that things can always be worse.  Here’s to tomorrow the last day of me being 44.  I hope that when I turn 46 I can look back and say that 45 was better than 44.  Looking forward to the future and hoping the only place to go from here is up.  Look at the little things and they add up and make you feel blessed.

Now back to the usual drill.  Hope that all is well in your world and the sun is shining.  Take care and we shall talk again. 

Where is my Brink’s Truck?

Got to the pharmacy last night and they wanted $90 for 15 days of medicine.  I asked if the price went up, they started looking and then tried to tell me that I didn’t pay $30 for 15 days of medicine last time.  I said I’ve got the receipt at home to prove it.  They dug a little deeper, turns out someone made a mistake last time.  It was $50 now.  Okay that is horrible but still way better than $90.  I can’t say that Bear will stay on this medicine long term, that is a bit much for 15 days.  Add in this cost of special food, vet visits and before you know it, it’s like I am supporting another person instead of an animal.  This is a muscle relaxer to keep him from straining, if he is not blocked or close to blocking he has no reason to strain.  I’ll be chatting with the vet on Saturday.

Stopped by the post office and found out that my house payment is going up.  Not a complete surprise to me.  If I want I can pay the shortage now which is like $300 and then my monthly payment will go down.  Otherwise they just slip it in and that is why there is an increase in the payment.  It’s only $14 and I am still no where close to paying the outrageous amount I had to pay each month before the mortgage was in my name.  I have a large chunk of money set aside it makes the house payment and the loan payment for the roof, not too shabby.  Taxes and increase in Insurance is why there is an overage, otherwise my payment wouldn’t fluctuate from year to year.  I can also refinance and save myself money but I do not want to go through the hassle.  I will just pay the increased amount starting next month and call it a day, much simpler.  Perhaps if my life wasn’t so complicated with other issues I would entertain the refinancing option but now is not the time. 

The girls were chirping last night, each one of them wanted a piece of me.  Gator had to have me pet her, Momma wanted face time and Ruth wanted her back scratched.  It was a mess but some how it all came together.  They got what they wanted.  Even cotton ball Bear got some attention.  Marv slept with me last night but when I sat down to eat breakfast he acted like I hadn’t paid him any attention in a month.  Overall, things are still going good and I hope they stay that way.  The expensive food will be delivered tomorrow, just in the nick of time.  I am about to run out of the dry food they all love. 

Had my left over Maggiano’s Spaghetti last night.  I asked for a Meatball but didn’t get it, instead they gave me meat sauce.  Fine, not the same thing but it’s okay.  I did get extra sauce but didn’t need it.  So I kept it aside and will have it tonight mixing in some chicken with it, that should hopefully be good.  I believe it’s just sauce with no meat which will be perfect.  Kind of looking forward to trying it. 

Today is so boring here at the office.  Nothing really cracking and I could use a couple things to help occupy the space between now and quitting time.  I may be sorry I said anything but hey I would rather be busy than bored any day. 

I am staying in my cube (aka jail cell) and not leaving unless I have to use the restroom.  It’s amazing no one stops by to see me or say hi, unless they need something.  We can pass in the hall way and say hi but the in depth conversations don’t take place unless they want something.  Kind of sad but then again this is work.  I am enjoying the boss being out of town, things are much more relaxed than normal. 

I wish I could find a way to relax my neck and shoulders, that is where all of my tension appears to be going and by the end of the day it really hurts.  I slept pretty good last night but had a couple interruptions, if it wasn’t for them I think I would be much more refreshed.  It was a struggle to get going but I did it.  Wash, Rinse, Repeat.  Aka the rest of the week.  3 more days. 

I was a little miffed last night.  I got a call from a manager at AT&T who doesn’t understand my problem.  Trying to explain it over the phone is the main reason why I sent a letter.  You can visually see the problem.  Then I get a call from the bank that was illegally accessing my credit report.  They said they were going to block me from their solicitation list.  Uh that isn’t the reason why I reached out.  I had to call back and explain.  It was as if no one was able to understand my problems yesterday.  I am still speaking English and I don’t have this problem with people here at work.  I was seriously starting to wonder if there was a national stupid persons day or if I just started talking a new language.  Nope, it’s not me it’s them.  Still waiting to hear back from both and I told them that I work during the day so good luck reaching me.  If I really wanted to talk with them I can answer the phone at work but since both of them have the tendency to elevate my blood pressure and make my head spin, I opt to let the phone ring and let them leave a message. 

Tonight it will be time to pay the bills or as I call it give away my money.  That will be a little stressful but I know I will get through it.  I have been looking seriously at new cars on line.  There are a couple that I want but the payment at the retail price is killer.  Not sure how much wholesale will affect the payment.  Looking is the key to preparation, when I actually move forward and say lets do this.  Tempting as it is, right now I am holding myself back, it’s not easy but a look at the payment does the trick.  My insurance will most likely go down, I won’t have to pay to register two vehicles so there will be an additional savings, but I will be signing up for car payment each month for most likely five years, sad part is you can go longer to make the payment even more affordable.  That just keeps you on the hook for a longer period of time.  I am scared of making a financial commitment that is long term but hey I did it with the house and everything turned out fine so far.  Buying  car isn’t that much different it is less money and will be paid for quicker but still it’s a commitment.  Much easier for me to commit to a person rather than a financial obligation. 

Time to head back to the salt mine, email is starting to pile up which happens over the lunch hour.  Nothing major all of it is mostly junk.  People that send it don’t think that but I certainly do.  I hope that all is well in your world.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

Monday again

Yeah here we go again on the merry go round that is know as the work week.  I put on some Icy Hot last night before I went to bed, it was working and then I laid down.  Sort of like hitting the pause button on the TV.  When I woke up this morning I felt it working again, very strange.  Never had that happen before. 

Dinner was great, left the house at the perfect time and only had to wait a couple minutes for my friend.  I had Lasagna and took home Spaghetti & Meatball for supper tonight.  He had Baked Ziti and took home Fettuccini.  I really had hoped that he would pick up the bill, but that was left to me.  Not a major problem, but I did drop a hint that Friday was my birthday.  Yeah so he said we might get together again on Friday.  Wow if that happens it will be a record.  Normally we go a couple months or longer before we see each other.  We talk on the phone in between that time, meeting in person is special.  I got to see his new car.  It’s nice for a foreign car, he had one of those febreeze clip on vent things, that made the car smell horrible in my opinion.  I love the smell of a new car.  You can’t bottle it, can it or put it in a jar.  You simply have to experience it live and in person in a new car.  When it’s gone, you wait for it to get hot out again and maybe you will get to enjoy the smell a little longer.  It’s just fumes from the glue and the fabric that is new.  Sort of like new carpet smell.  So enjoyable!

Got home at a decent hour, just enough time to enter the money I spent in the computer.  Grab a couple of emails and answer a survey about my meal.  Then I went upstairs and cry baby brinks truck was whaling.  Of course I am talking about Bear.  He wanted attention, he wanted food, he wanted to be brushed, he wanted his medicine.  Turns out he wasn’t feeling the best, he had a couple coughing attacks.  I am glad we have that vet appointment on Saturday.  I have noticed him coughing a little bit more and hope that he doesn’t have a fluid issue.  He is gobbling down the dry food and water, I just hope his body isn’t allergic.  He seemed fine this morning, just didn’t want me to leave but we go through that every morning.

Gator’s symptoms have come back, last night her eye was watering.  I saw her sneezing a couple times.  This morning she seemed okay, I put on my cologne that I haven’t done for 2 days and thus far she seemed fine.  Let’s hope she is that way tonight.  Before I can go home tonight, I have to make a special trip to the pharmacy for Bear he needs more muscle relaxers.  We have enough for a couple days but I would rather not run out, so this is the safe thing to do.  Just hope it agrees with my wallet. 

Work has been slow, busy and slow.  I would like to be busy, not crazy busy to see the afternoon fly by.  I would love to get home to my little angels.  So that I can serve & protect them.  Plus the Spaghetti sounds really good right about now. 

That’s all I know so back to the salt mine, lunch time is about done.  Hope your Monday is going well.  Talk with you all again soon.

Sneezy Gator

Ever seen a sneezing gator?  Yeah as in alligator.  I was trying to picture that when I saw Insty (Gator) sneeze.  Vet said that 1/2 a tab of Zyrtec would take care of her.  If I take a whole pill I will be out like a light in a couple hours.  I get knocked down by taking 1/2 a tablet.  They actually make it in 10 and 5mg tablets.  If you want 5mg you have to buy it from Canada, it’s not available in the US that I know of.  However, you could always cut the tablet in 1/2.  I put flea medicine on her and that seemed to help.  Trying to pill her with Zyrtec well that was really bad.  Her and her sister do not take pills.  The rest of the family is fine but those two girls, you need an injectable or else your going to go through hell.  I got the job done but she hated me for it.  She is better and were back to being buddies. 

Bear is really crunching away at this new dry food I got him.  $21 for the bag by mail order.  I put in an order for another bag and also a case of wet food.  Now that’s $68 for both I pray that he likes the canned food.  Since Friday no matter what I put in front of him he turns his nose up at it.  He wants his new dry food and his water.  I’m thinking I bought a case of wet cat food and it’s going to go to waste.  However, I will remain optimistic.  He has his vet appointment scheduled for next Saturday @ 9:30a to get his urine PH measured, if he keeps crunching away I think everything will be fine.  He is going to the bathroom in normal amounts so I am pleased.  Plus his coat has changed, it’s super soft now and it’s very enjoyable to pet him.  He was kind of soft before but not super soft. 

Momma or Marv are having stomach issues.  One of them is crapping in the hallway outside of the litter box.  They have to let me know there is a problem but I wish they went different colors so it would make it easy to determine who did what where.  So I medicate them both and both are unhappy with me for a while, as they slobber away the medicine. 

Saturday I went to see my friend in the hospital.  Turns out the hospital is close to a burger place we used to go to.  I thought about stopping by but when I was done I was dead tired so I headed home and took a nap.  Anyway, visiting was nice.  She was talking normally but had an NG tube in and that was horrible to watch.  We chatted up a bit and then she started to fade away.  I had been there an hour easily so that made it worth traveling the 30 miles one way.  I told her I was leaving and to get well.  They are still waiting for the pathology report to come back to see what type of cancer she has and how they are going to treat it.  Hopefully this week will bring answers to those questions.

Her husband called me and were going to supper tonight (Sunday) at Maggiano’s.  I’ve got a $10 coupon so long as we spend $30 and he loves to drink so that shouldn’t be a problem.  When I got the coupon I thought I would never be able to use it because it’s not valid on Saturdays.  I don’t normally go out on a Sunday for dinner, but I am making an exception because of who it is and the circumstances.  I have to hustle to get things done around here.  Plus I need to check the air in my tires, the car has been in the driveway all morning long.  So I am sure it will be nice and hot.  Looking forward to the food and company.

I was up until 1a and spent the bulk of my time in the basement in front of the computer taking care of business.  Had a couple letters to write to get some issues addressed.  I have had an issue with Uverse in that they are allowing calls to slip through that say UNAVAILBLE for both the name and number.  Friday they told me that I was right and they shouldn’t be slipping by.  Saturday they called back and said nope everything is working as designed.  Piece of shit, it never did it before but now all of a sudden it started.  So the only thing I knew to do was revert back to You Mail.  It’s a voice mail service that is free, but if you pay for a subscription you get to unlock a lot more features.  It works primarily with cell phones.  I had to trick it to thinking my home phone was a cell phone and it worked.  1 mailbox for 2 phones.  I had to sign up for the Business Plan at $10 per month.  There goes that $10 a month discount.  One of the many features that You Mail provides is they police spammers, telemarketers, and general junk callers.  You have settings to control how aggressive they are and I set mine to high.  So when they call and get voice mail they won’t hear my normal greeting, they will instead hear a disconnected recording and will think my number is not in service.  You also have a personal blacklist that you can place people on.  They call, you ignore the call and then they hear a greeting that tells them you don’t want to talk to them anymore.  They also just started to provide a new phone number for you to give out, you can call forward it to any number or make it go to your You Mail.  That will be great for dating or if I ever decide to sell some of this crap I have around here.  I like their service and wish that they emitted a tone and could make my voice mail light go on.  Oh plus they notify you when you missed a call but no message was left, that can come in handy as well.  Long story short I like You Mail, I have used them before but reverted back because I hate paying for voice mail even though they do a little more than traditional vm.  Not sure where things will go, kind of depends upon my call volume and what gets by the AT&T spam filter. 

Been thinking about my Mom lately and of course that caused her to call.  I didn’t answer the phone and let her leave a message.  I am pretty well on the fence right now as far as cutting ties with family.  I think it’s the right thing to do but am having a hard time letting go.  I shouldn’t considering what I have been put through but after all it is family.  My birthday is Friday and I am sure that is one of the many reason why she reached out.  It will be interesting to see what reaction I get.  I suspect my mom will call back and leave a message saying happy birthday, call me back.  My brother on the other hand won’t do anything.  Now if they were living together, she would make him buy a card, sign it and mail it to me.  Since that isn’t the case he won’t do anything.  Even if I wished him a happy birthday the prior year.  He’s made it very clear since we were young that he isn’t the type to reach out just to say happy birthday, merry Christmas, kiss my ass or anything.  Which causes me to question how much he loves me.  I’ve been the older protective brother and gone to bat for him many times.  He never does anything like that for me.  See what I mean the decision should be obvious.  It’s just once you go down that road and cut people off, you can’t have remorse and go back, because chances are they will have written you off as well.  I am however keeping my distance from my family at the moment, I don’t want to be around them or even in close proximity to them.  

I found out that a friends grandson is attending at the college by my house.  I worked on his pc before and he knows me.  Not sure if he knows I am gay.  He’s a hot young man and has a girlfriend although that doesn’t mean anything today.  Yes, he makes me horny.  I opted to reach out to him and let him know that if he needed anything to holler as I was close by.  I got a response from him this morning, which totally made my day.  He’s grateful that I reached out.  I doubt that he takes me up on the offer.  I know that when your young, you make mistakes both large and small.  So I am trying to be a friend and only a friend.  Yes I would like to get him in bed but I am not going to ruin a friendship for a few minutes of pleasure.  It would be very interesting if he showed up on any of the dating apps I use that too is doubtful.

While I am lonely, horny and would love some dick … I somehow suppress those feelings.  I have a passion for helping others and that makes me feel good.  My problem is that I put others in front and ahead of me and that isn’t fair to me.  Be it an animal or a person I think everything and everyone is more important than me or my needs.  I hate that but I picked that up from my grandmother, she did the same damn thing.  It makes you quite unhappy in the end.  So I am working towards putting myself first and then trying to help others.  Of course when it comes to my cats, they are my family and that does come before me or my needs, but there is a limit to that. 

Earlier I was laying on the couch trying to nap and thinking, wow I am glad things have calmed down and were back to a state of ‘normal’.  I pray that it lasts for a long time.  I like calm and quiet it works well for me.  I see were rapidly approaching another payday, let’s hope I don’t screw up when I go to pay my bills.  Lord knows I have enough of them waiting to be paid, I just hope there is enough money to go around and that I don’t have to cut corners to make ends meet.  The payday in the middle of the month I have a lot left over, but not so much so at the end.  So glad I have yet to take the plunge into car payments, but that too is coming. 

I hope that you have had a great weekend, that it’s been peace & quiet.  Were rapidly coming closer to Fall.  That means cooler temps, getting darker quicker (sucks, I hate driving in the dark) and of course Pumpkin everything.  I am in no hurry for Winter, but Fall is okay.  The only good thing about Winter is it can produce a huge mess and has the potential to either get me out of the office early or keep me at home, depending upon how bad it is.  So lots to look forward to.

Now I am off to clean this place up, looks like a tornado went through the kitchen.  Cat food is everywhere.  Those little monsters love to make a mess and they are not neat eaters, I don’t care what anyone says.  Then a nice shave, shower and hopefully a little bit of time to relax before I have to venture out for my evening meet up.  I hope that I will be home by 8p at the latest, because Monday morning will come beckoning quickly.  Take care, be well and as per usual we shall talk again soon.  Appreciate you stopping by to check in. 

Another Sick Cat

Really?  Yes.  Gator has what I believe are allergies or a URI.  One of her eyes waters and she has sneeze attacks.  Started last night.  I am not happy about it and I feel really bad for her.  I reached out to the vet, I know that I am overstepping a bit in asking for advice since she has not been in for years but my hope is they work with me and not against me.  If I have to bring her in, I will.  I just really don’t want to sink a ton of money into her, not that I won’t but it’s that I really can’t afford it.  Timing is bad!  I got some new cologne and she has been eating some of her brothers prescription food since he hates it.  Not sure if this is true allergy or if it’s an infection.  She is a daddy’s girl so I let her sleep with me last night to help comfort her.  I hope that this passes quickly and she is back to her normal irritating self, it’s what she is known for and I want her to be happy and sneeze free.  More importantly I don’t want this to spread to other cats, which can happen and that would be disastrous to my financial health. 

Had a personal issue to take care of yesterday afternoon.  Between that and the Gator issue I had some hours that were spent wide awake instead of fast asleep.  Really am lacking motivation to actually work today.  Counting the minutes until quitting time, can’t wait to get home. 

Talked with a friend last night, his wife just had surgery to remove a tumor and have a full hysterectomy.  When they opened her up they knew it was cancer then they went exploring and she was loaded up.  She lost 1/2 of her colon, some of her intestines along with some other parts.  They feel that this has spread but do not yet know to what degree.  They felt some lumps in the main artery that supplies blood to the colon and it was too risky to open it, they can treat that with chemo. They broke the bad news to him yesterday, and he knew something was wrong when a 2 hour procedure turned into a 6 hour procedure.  Makes for a long day.  I remember going through this myself and it’s no fun.  So my friend asked how long the recovery from cancer would be.  The doctor said well if she doesn’t recover from the surgery we won’t need to talk about recovery from the cancer.  Holy shit, he was in shock from hearing the word cancer.  Normally he would have bit the doctors head off but he let it pass.  It will take about a week to get the pathology report back and then they will know more of what they are dealing with, what stage it is and what the prognosis is for recovery.  I will admit right now things do not sound good and it sounds like this will take her.  That will kill him and he thinks he can’t survive it, but I am living proof that you can survive it but it’s no fun. 

I asked him last night if there is anything that I can do.  He said yes we should go get a bite to eat.  Okay, I am game for that.  Waiting to hear back from him on when.  I may drop in the hospital to see her, not 100% on that.  Given everything that I have been through it may cause a flashback and I might just loose it. 

My world is full of negative and I want to change that in the worst way.  I need positive and good.  Wonder if I eat some garlic if I could change my world?  At this point I am willing to do most anything.  I am seeking happiness and having a hard time finding it. 

I have thought about leaving town to get a bite to eat but I want to be there for my friend so I will probably stay close to home.  I need to get away and need a distraction from life’s issues as much if not worse than he does. 

Bear is holding his own.  Making nice yellow urine, which is very pleasing to see.  He is a tough customer when it comes to food.  I am kind of at a loss as to what to buy him.  He doesn’t like the prescription food but it’s what is best for him.  He has even turned up his nose as the Purina Focus Urinary food, which is OTC.  He loved it when the week started but now can’t stand it either.  He knows I am soft but I can’t feed him something on a regular basis that I know will hurt him.  He has to make the transition to the new food like it or not. 

Well off to the races.  Looking forward to being able to sleep in, if the children let me.  Hope all is well in your world and that the sun is shining bright!  Take care.

Nerves

Traffic was a nightmare this morning.  Not sure why but it took me forever to get to work, I had my doubts if I would ever make it.  Thankfully I had 15 minutes to spare.  Those minutes go by really fast.  I am a bundle of nerves today between Bear, traffic and the personal issue I have to deal with later this afternoon.  Wow!

My hope is that I will be able to arrive home early.  I’ve got a lot to take care of tonight.  The usual, plus getting the trash out.  I now have to write a cease and desist letter to a very large bank.  They keep pulling my credit report at random.  I have no account with them, I did apply months back but they declined me, which is fine.  I sent an appeal letter asking them to reconsider.  That was April.  Were in August and for the past 3 months they have pulled my report sometimes multiple times in a month.  I never heard back from my appeal letter, it just faded into the ether.  Fine, so you don’t want my business and I can accept that.  However, you don’t need to keep pulling my credit report.  It hurts my credit score and considering I am looking at getting a car soon I don’t need them dragging down my score.  I am very selective about what I apply for and know for a fact that I have no outstanding credit applications.  Now there is the matter of identity theft that I was a victim of a few years ago when someone filed a tax return in my name.  However, there are warnings all over my report that say do not extend credit without first calling me and I provide a phone number.  It’s on all 3 bureaus and will remain there for 7 years.  I plan on asking them why they are continually pulling my report.  I will obviously demand they stop and remove the inquiries from my credit report.  It’s another mess that I really don’t need. 

I love drama it’s great but only on TV.  In real life it sucks and I really don’t want it to be apart of my life.  However, it’s not like I have a choice in the matter.  This sort of stuff just seeks me out. 

I still have concern over Bear.  I think he should be going more.  I hear a co-worker in my head telling me to be patient with him.  Yeah I am not a patient person and I know it.  He goes back on his steroid tonight so I am hoping that will help.  They pull fluid from the body to help reduce inflammation.  I have wondered if this could be the cause of all of his troubles as a long term side effect that finally caught up with him.  I mean he’s done great without it.  I still have to make the appointment but we will be going back to see the vet next weekend, I know neither of us will like the trip.  However, it’s necessary to see where his Ph is for his urine.  I am optimistic since he has made it this far that he will continue to exhibit positive signs of recovery and improvement.  His diet I know plays a key role in what he produces as waste, hopefully this expensive prescription food does the trick.

Well I have to gobble down my lunch while I work, since I am leaving early.  So off to gobble and work.  It’s been quite a week and I am anxious for some downtime.

Crisis Averted

Ah sigh of relief!  He made presents for me.  

Concern

Got home and no p p from Bear.  He still hasn't gone.  I pressed on his bladder and it feels like there is something in there.  Just gave him some fluids to hopefully help things along.

He is eating and acting normal.  Feels normal but I'll be taking his temp. a bit later.  The guy has conned me out of 3 cans of food and only eaten 1 1/2.  He wants the bad dry food, it's like he craves it.

So long as he pees tonight and it's all yellow I will breathe a sigh of relief.  I hate this emotional roller coaster and don't want to lose him after sinking $ into him.

Crossing my fingers.

Pouting Cat

I didn’t know that cats could pout but found that out last night.  Bear worked his way over to the regular dry food.  I picked him up and put him closer to his own food.  I walked away and when I came back he was hiding under the couch.  He didn’t want his food, he wanted what he wanted.  Since he couldn’t get it he hid and when I went to see him he just looked at me.  Silly boy. 

He is such a picky eater.  I wish the makers of the prescription food had more variety of flavors that would help out.  I obliged him last night and poured him a fresh bowl of dry food, topped it with a little bit of the regular dry food.  He started crunching away.  I looked at it this morning he ate all of the bad stuff and some of the good stuff. 

Not sure how he did it but I looked down last night before I went to bed and there he was in between the chair and the bed, his spot.  He started crying I thought he was Marv and I looked down I was surprised to see him.  We slept together just like the good old days.  It would be great if he could lose some weight and get back to climbing, then I am sure he would jump in bed with me. 

His stool has turned to coal black.  I did some research on line and everything says oh get your cat to the vet because they are bleeding internally.  If he was bleeding internally he would have passed away by now.  So I asked the vet and they say that it’s most likely attributed to his diet change.  It’s all solid so there really is no worry.  I just know that is one place you really don’t want to see black.

Right now I am enjoying giving him just 2 pills, but he will be starting back on his steroids very soon.  Then it will be 2 pills in the morning and 3 pills at night.  I could take him off of the muscle relaxer but right now things are going so good, I really don’t want to rock the boat.  Since the price of that medicine went down that helps. .

I have told a lot of folks here at work about Bear and how he was ill.  Only one person followed up with me.  I realize that some people think it might strike a nerve because things didn’t look good. Then I got to thinking about how people here are allegedly my friends, they only hit me up when they have a computer problem or if they need something.  They really don’t give a shit about me.  I’ve always said I am not here to make friends but to do a job.  I sit all day in my cube and if I am interrupted it’s because I have a delivery or someone has a problem.  Kind of sad when you think about it and yes it has gotten to me.  I talked with one ‘friend’ last week who has nothing good to say about this place and wants to bitch about her job and the way things are here.  I had a sick cat and I took my time to listen to her BS.  You can’t take 5 seconds to ask me how my boy is doing?  I mean seriously.  I hope that she finds a new job because her bitching has been going on for 2 years.  I have really held back, I really want to tell her if she thinks this place is so bad quit and then you will have plenty of time to find a job.  This place isn’t going to change and you aren’t the person that will be able to fix things.  Shut up and go away.  She brings me down and while this place isn’t perfect it’s a decent environment, we take care of our people and that is why I am still here.  I really like it here, sure we all have bad days but every day for her is a bad day.  She will be the first to tell you that she hates her job.  All the more reason for her to dry up and blow away, I mean find a new job.  She won’t be happy their either.  She has something bad to say about every place that she worked.  I think she is one of those eternally unhappy people and there isn’t anything anyone can say, do or pay her that will make her happy.  My life is far too busy with other issues to deal with her BS.  So I sit in my cube and do my job.  I used to take time to stop by but that isn’t happening, if you want me, then you will need to come find me. 

All of this had me thinking about how plastic people seem to gravitate towards me.  You think oh they are my friend and everything is fine for a while, then out of the blue it changes and I see people for who they really are.  Why do people waste their time in pretending?  It just doesn’t make sense to me.  If you like to act then move to Hollywood maybe you can be the next star.  I am looking for true friends who will be with you through thick and thin, sadly I only have a very small number and the number just got smaller. 

I know I am a moody person at times, mostly depends upon what is going on in my life.  However,for the most part unless you ask or I feel that I can confide in you, chances are you will never know that I am having a bad day or that life is out of control.  I know people don’t want to hear someone bitch.  They want to hear funny or good things.  Problem is life doesn’t give you good every day of the week, we all have stormy or rainy days once and a while.  At the end of the day I know who I can truly count on and that helps bring me some comfort. 

So trying to end on a positive note.  My boss will be on vaycay tomorrow and out of the country, 9 working days.  His boss will also be gone part of that time so it will be quiet here and there will hopefully be less stress.  I mean were not breaking out to have a party, it will be a nice break for everyone.  Now on to my next meeting.  Fun stuff.  But it’s what makes the day go by so I can get home to see the children.  I always look forward to that, seeing their faces just warms my heart.  Suits is on tonight so I have that to look forward to.  Hope your day is going well.  Happy Hump Day! 

Brinks Truck Bear

I believe I should change his name to Brinks Truck, because that is what I need when it comes to paying for his health care.  I stopped in for food just for him and no one else.  I left $21 poorer and odds are he will go through what I bought in a weeks time.  He seems to like the Purina Focus food, it’s OTC but is formulated for urinary health.  A fancy feast size can costs $1.20 when fancy feast only costs 85 cents.  So long as he eats it I’m as happy as I can be. 

He was a good boy yesterday.  He begs now to have me change his food, he wants what the girls have or something else but the diet food is horrible.  Yeah well it’s all you get.  I try to stick with stuff that I know has gravy or juice that usually equals a win, meaning he will eat it.

The vet reached out yesterday to let me know that they will be changing his diet long term.  Right now he is on C/D and S/D but he will be going to a W/D.  Those other foods are great for the crystals but they pack on the weight so switching him to W/D will help with both weight and crystals.  Right now I am happy where he is at.  This special food stuff is like alphabet soup.  You start looking for your letters and before you know it they all blend together, you have to stop look at the prescription card and start over. 

He feels a little warm but still no fever.  Were both happy about that.  I get to check him again tonight and were both going to hate it.  He is back to forming stool which is odd because he got his last antibiotic last night.  Really think he is out of the woods but I don’t want to say that too loudly.  I am still very cautious when it comes to his health. 

I had a normal evening last night, with a couple exceptions.  At least I am not all stressed out.  I still worry about him and us parting ways.  However, if each of us do our part then he should be fine.  My part is to get him the prescription food and his part is eating the food. 

My neck and shoulders feel better, still in some pain.  I opted not to ice last night and probably should have not passed up the opportunity.  Finished the pizza last night. BBQ & Potato Salad tonight. 

Still looking forward to the weekend, but we have 3 more days to go.  Momma was puking last night.  I can’t deal with another sick cat right now.  Have to watch a little closer to make sure that all of the children are eating.  Happy Tuesday I am off to join a meeting. 

Caution

This morning I awoke to find Bear waiting for food but he was soaked.  No evidence that he went to the bathroom on a pee pad.  That is a bit concerning as this is usually how things start off.  He is eating in fact I had to give him two small cans.  He has given up on his special dry food, which is kind of disappointing.  He is still drinking.  You know before this is all said and done, I might be drinking as well and I am not talking water. 

I got him cleaned up and checked him by touch, he feels warm.  I will take his temperature tonight and hope for good news.  I also have to stop by the pet food store because he has eaten up a good portion of the can food that I bought.  I have no idea how much I will spend tonight but so long as he eats it and it’s not going to waste then I will be happy.  I pray that his progress continues in an upward direction and that he can over come the crystal issue.  If he sticks to his diet, things should go well.  I fixed him with getting into the other dry food, I mixed in some of his food on top so if he goes to the feeder he will get his food first and then the normal stuff.  That will probably make him mad.  He is still lapping up the attention. 

My neck and shoulder are still killing me.  I used some spray Icy Hot last night, didn’t do a damn thing.  Broke out the ice a couple hours later and that felt pretty good once I got used to it.  I used some vanishing scent Ben Gay this morning, that worked pretty well.  Thinking about going to get some bio-freeze from the massage room and put that on.  Probably will but after lunch because once that stuff gets on your hands it takes forever to get it off. 

I have left over pizza for supper if I want it or I can do BBQ with Potato Salad.  Not sure what I will chose a lot depends on the mood that I am in and how Bear is doing when I get home. 

Work for the morning is kind of boring.  The afternoon should sail by as I have meetings and some training.  I got stuck in a boring conference call this morning, I was struggling to hold my eyes open.  I wish we didn’t have to sit through boring stuff and could just fast forward to the interesting stuff.

The boss man is headed away for something like 9 working days.  Wednesday will be his last day in the office, kind of looking forward to that.  He gets so anxious about little stuff and having him gone is a chance for all of us to relax a bit.  Work will still get done, probably on an accelerated basis.  I hope that he enjoys his time away and am kind of jealous that it’s not me going on vacation. 

Well about time to eat my lunch and then back to work.  Monday is half over, that is a good thing.  Each passing minute brings me closer to getting home where I want to be so I can see my big boy. 

Lazy Sunday

Bear had a major accident in my room last night, he thought he was on a pad but wasn’t.  It was a big mess but I got everything contained and got him cleaned up.  He was a little restless last night but managed to calm down.  He did sleep in my room for a bit.  When I woke up this morning I found him in the kitchen.  He went after the (bad for him) dry food.  I guess it tastes better than his expensive urinary diet food.  I can’t stop him from getting into it unless I switch it all out to urinary food and that would be extremely expensive. 

I managed to snap my neck out of position last night and believe I have pinched a nerve.  My right hand was all cold and numb this morning.  Once I got going the cold and numbness subsided but I still feel a large pain in my neck and it’s a little difficult to move.  No doubt this is a direct result from a couple things … first the massage I got which has me knotted up pretty good and second dealing with Bear.  Hopefully it will go back to normal soon because this really hurts and is uncomfortable. 

I got my breakfast, hit up the grocery store and came home.  Lots of groceries today.  Bought gallon jugs of drinking water for the cats, didn’t even notice this was an option.  It’s only a dollar a jug.  I hope it makes a difference and helps everyone.  Got some frozen food for me and of course what would Sunday be without a pizza for supper.  I hate to heat up the house but it just tastes so good.  I got the limited special meat one that Tombstone put out and this time I will set the timer so it doesn’t burn.  Looking forward to it. 

I broke out the steam cleaner to clean my room, it looks pretty good but it’s still wet.  The real challenge will be to see what it looks like when it dries.  I hope it looks just as good.  No one will like the wet floor but it was necessary.  I should have really done the rest of the place but it was just a bit too much with my neck/shoulder bothering me.  I still need to vacuum and that will disturb everyone, the one that I want to least upset is Bear and he will run and hide thinking the noisy machine is out to get him.  He did let me take his temperature again today.  It’s a bit higher today but still well within the normal range.  I will be keeping an eye on this for the next few days, he does feel a little warmer to the touch today.  So long as the fever doesn’t come back, he keeps eating the right food I think and hope that we will be okay.

Back to the grind tomorrow.  Got some meetings and training to attend.  Hopefully it will be a calm but fast moving day. 

Not looking forward to house cleaning but I am looking forward to shaving and a nice long hot shower, hopefully that will help my neck/shoulder.  I did step out for a hair cut and used my birthday coupon for $3 off, which helped out.  Looking good helps you feel good.  I’m still the same fat guy but now my hair looks better than before. 

Off to the races.  Hope that your Sunday is going well and that your doing something that you enjoy.  Thanks for stopping by.