What a bargain

I decided a while back that I really wanted to switch my laptop at work.  This is a machine I own and have for personal use.  You’d be surprised how handy it is to have your own laptop at your disposal, not to mention no restrictions or monitoring on your web surfing. Anyway back around Christmas time I got a steal on an Acer laptop at Target.  The only thing it was lacking is Windows 10 Professional.  I believe in and use Bit Locker for drive encryption.  You don’t need a TPM (Trusted Platform Module) but I will say Bit Locker works much better if your machine has it. 

I remember when I got my HP laptop I needed to upgrade and Microsoft wanted $99 and I paid just because I didn’t know any better.  Well I decided to surf the web and low and behold I came across a site called Bonanza.  What I remember as Bonanza was a steakhouse but I digress.  Anyway, there is a person who is selling OEM license keys for Windows 10 Pro for $30 something dollars.  I figured it was a scam but decided to go along for the ride.  I made the purchase and then got an email that my license key would be available in 1 to 2 business days.  I was kind of depressed as I was ready to do the upgrade at the time I made the purchase.  So I had to wait.  Well the key came to my email yesterday. I couldn’t wait to get home.  I plugged the key in and it’s valid, my system upgraded and activated with no problem.  Holy cow I got something that Microsoft sells for $99 for $30 something dollars, what a bargain!  Then I started the encryption process and the damn thing is still running despite being powered on all night long.  We are currently at 85.7%.  It moves slow but it’s encrypting a 500 GB HD, that is more space than I will ever use but I like to do the whole drive as opposed to just the section that is in use.  You may be asking yourself so how do you use Bit Locker without a TPM.  Simple you have to make some changes in group policy for the machine (give it a google) and then your ready to roll.  You can choose to use a key to authenticate or specify a password.  I go with a password.  So when I boot up I get a Bit Locker screen that asks for a password, enter it and the system boots as normal and then I log into Windows.  If you enter the wrong password or don’t know it you have to use a recovery key, which your given in the encryption process and told to tuck it away in a safe place.  Loose the recovery key and forgot your password, you have to format the drive and start all over.  Your data will be lost forever.  It’s protection designed to help keep you safe, to keep the contents of the drive safe in case it makes it way into the wrong hands. 

Am I paranoid that I think I am being spied on? Nope but the machine is left at work, while I work in a secure environment and only authorized people occupy the office space, we have vendors and cleaning crew in.  I lock up my machine every night, but still if your intent on stealing it I want to make it as difficult as possible for you to get anything off my drive.  I also have anti-theft software on the machine and can track and/or wipe it remotely in case of loss or theft.  Simply put I am being extra cautious.  There is nothing of substantial value kept on any laptop that I own.  Only 1 machine has all of the pieces of the pie and that is my desktop at home.  It’s not encrypted because it’s in a controlled environment, if it had a TPM I would encrypt just because but without a TPM if I am working remote and I issue a reboot command there is no one present at the machine to enter the Bit Locker boot up password so the machine would shutdown.  I do have a USB encrypted external hard drive that I keep sensitive material on, things like legal documents.  If the drive looses power it requires you to decrypt it by using a password, you only get so many tries before it self destructs and you loose everything on the drive.  Kind of cool but kind of bad if your like me and have a million passwords to remember.  Your not supposed to make them all the same thing but it’s sure tempting!

Speaking of passwords my new position affords me access to many systems that don’t integrate with our Active Directory and thus I have to make a standalone password.  I started making a list because I have to change my password soon, change one might as well change all of them.  Anyway I am up to around 20 something systems.  It’s going to take me an hour to change all of my passwords.  Saving that task for either Friday or a day next week when I can get in early to get it done. 

We just changed systems to consolidate a bunch of systems into one.  There is a guy that we brought on site from the company that makes the software.  I ran into him yesterday and he is so hot.  I got an email with his name and started surfing.  Man I found him, turns out he’s only 23.  He looks good for his age.  He is ripped, like muscles everywhere.  I like a little muscle but still if he were gay I would happily make a pass at him.  I found out that he is straight, so I just admire from a far.  Wow talk about can’t wait to get to work, he would be nice to come home to every night. 

I spent time upstairs last night since I was working on this laptop.  The children all laid out in various parts of the kitchen and living room.  Eagerly awaiting treat time, but it didn’t come.  I had opened so many cans of food last night that I just bypassed treat time all together.  No one seemed terribly upset and they didn’t go hungry.  Bear has started to strain to go to the bathroom, he thinks he just peed a gallon but there is nothing there.  Other times he is going to beat the band.  I don’t know if he is preparing to block again or if he just thinks his bladder is full.  I gave him a pill to help with the straining and I woke up to a river of a pee pad.  So long as he is going I am happy but if he stops or starts this dribble business then we are going back to the vet pronto.  I can’t afford to shell out anymore money on hospitalization or intensive care treatment.  Minor things like a catheter to drain his bladder and some fluid yeah that is totally doable.  If I know one of them is in pain or suffering I will get them care regardless of the cost.  Speaking of which I looked at Ruth last night and she got into it with someone.  They clawed her on her nose.  She didn’t seem any worse for the wear and everyone else was acting normal.  Not sure who she tangled with because there are no signs.  She is the one who will rip anyone apart because of her claws.  I guess she showed mercy since it was a family member but you tend to fight harder with family than you do with an outsider. 

Well just got the 5 minute warning, have to publish this then it’s off to another meeting.  So not looking forward to it.  This same meeting happened late last week and it was scheduled for an hour but turned into a much more intense and longer call.  It was a total cluster.  I hope we don’t have the same thing occur again today.  I’ve already spent most of my day on a useless call and don’t want to get tied up with another.  One thing is for sure though, it makes time fly like no ones business.  I couldn’t believe it was time for lunch when I had just gotten here.  Maybe quitting time will come around just as fast. 

Hope all is well, talk with you again soon.

Weekend Update

Friday night I forgot to take my sleeping pills.  I didn’t realize that until Saturday morning when I woke up at 2a after having gone to bed around 11:30p.  It was horrible and I was wide awake for hours.  I did manage to get back to sleep but had to wake up early so that I could make it to the eye doctor.  Plus sleeping with the children didn’t help, they love to hog my bed and fight for position. 

Things at the eye doctor went okay.  They were behind schedule for opening and my appointment at 8:30a.  They lost internet and everyone was panicking.  I thought why not pretend your back in the old days of say 1980.  Wow!  Just goes to show how dependent we have all become on technology.  So my exam went forth and 1/2 through the process the internet came back up.  Wow what a miracle.  I wanted to tell them I could potentially help you but you will have to wave my co-pay, I thought it was better to keep quiet regardless of how tempting it was.  So I saw a different eye doctor.  She had the bifocal talk with me also trying to get me into computer only glasses in addition to my regular pair.  Yeah I’m not wealthy, who can afford that?  My prescription has changed slightly.  My left eye has a touch of a stigmatism and the one that was present in my right eye has gotten slightly worse.  I am in the downward fall, eventually this means I will need bifocals but for now I am still a single vision guy.  So they asked do you want new glasses?  I said if you can match up a frame that I have had my eye on, sure, otherwise I will pass.  We went out to talk with the frame lady (optician) and she said the frame looked like Harley Davidson she was going to do some checking and would try to match me up as close as she could to the photo I provided.  We didn’t talk about coatings for the lens, if I wanted a normal or lighter weight lens.  She just told me that she would place an order and would be calling me soon.  Okay.  So they took the co pay from me but didn’t charge me anything for glasses, which is right but I hope that the insurance company pays their part if she orders frames.  Typically unless you get them with your exam I’m told they refuse, but I can’t see how that is possible.  It’s like either I have coverage or I don’t, there is no middle or grey area.  It’s an absolute.   Best part of this is there is nothing major going on with my eyes in terms of disease or damage, which I am truly happy about. 

All of the bills are paid but a new round will be rolling in very shortly.  Not happy about that but its the way life goes. 

I went to Cracker Barrel for supper, there was a slight weight but I got in and was well taken care of.  That is the closest that I will come to a home cooked meal, which is kind of a damn shame.  I love their food and have to remind myself to go their more often.

I managed to get Bears pee pads as well as the mail.  My $80 diabetes meds came.  I applied for the rebate and thankfully it took it this time.  There was a ton of information I had to supply, they have to check with your insurance company to make sure there isn’t a provision in the policy that prohibits rebates.  I think that is a bunch of bullshit, I have gotten rebates on drugs before.  I looked up this particular medicine and wow the insurance company gets the worst part of the deal, they have to shell out $900, in comparison $80 doesn’t seem that bad but it is a little more than what I had planned to pay.  Still the medicine is working or so I think.  I should find out if my doc sends me an order for blood work, which I expect shortly.  Another torture for a Saturday.  Do I know how to live or what?

While I haven’t met them I learned yesterday afternoon that I just got new neighbors.  Wow that house sold damn fast.  There are other houses in here that take months to years to sell.  Kind of makes me wonder if I put mine on the market how long it would take.  I really wonder if it’s the two guys that I saw earlier in the week.  I will just have to keep my eyes open and see.  Who ever it was, did some moving yesterday and they were gone by the time the sun went down.  Gay or not, it would be nice to make some friends.

That is pretty much a wrap on Saturday.

Sunday did the usual breakfast out, grocery shopping.  Hit up two stores and spent more than I had planned to.  I got some cold fried chicken, they refer to it as picnic chicken.  8 pieces for $4.  I heat up a couple pieces and have some potato salad with it, that is a meal.  The cats smell it cooking and flock towards me.  They normally don’t beg but that meal it’s impossible for them not to beg me.  I don’t give in and when I’m done I put all of the bones in a plastic bag and place that in the trash.  That way they aren’t tempted from the smell to knock over the trash.  I could put them in the garbage disposal but it’s easier to do the plastic bag method and a lot quieter.  Finished up laundry, squeezed in a nap that I didn’t need.  Talked with a co worker who called me, really didn’t want to have a conversation with her but I did.  Cleaned the house and looking forward to relaxing a bit, emptying out my DVR with some quality TV and then hopefully a peaceful nights rest.  When I wake we start Monday all over again.  Not looking forward to Monday well because it’s Monday but I am excited to see what will learn this week. 

It’s been quiet and uneventful which is the way I like it.  Next Saturday is the dentist which I actually look forward to unlike most people.  Then I am out of Saturday planned events, but I am sure something will come up to occupy my time off, that is the way life goes.

Will & RJ put the rest of their wedding on line, it’s 27 minutes or so.  Got to see the reception, dancing, the guys dancing with their parents and the wedding party being introduced.  As well as the cake cutting.  It was another tear jerker.  Momma being the sensitive cat knew something was wrong and flocked to me.  I got to hold her and listen to her purr.  Words can’t express how happy I am for those two, they are doing something that I wish I had the opportunity to do when I was their age.  It also makes me realize that I am alone.  I miss not having someone.  I’m kind of jealous but I know that eventually my time will come again.  Not so sure about the whole marriage thing, but I won’t rule anything out. 

So off I go to traverse the internet for a bit, then upstairs to pass out treats and watch TV, until it’s time to call it a day.  Weather has been really nice over the weekend, extreme cool had to turn on the furnace each morning and wear a jacket when going outside.  There is more rain the forecast and cooler temps I think will be the norm.  I’m all good with that.  Cool & calm sounds awesome to me.  Have a great week and no doubt we will talk again soon. 

Friday

So I have made it through week #2. My new boss is pretty impressed with me, I heard that from a third party but it still was something nice to hear.  I hope that the compliments continue to flow in.  I was given more training on our anti-virus software today and right now that server is my baby.  I am beating machines into submission so they are compliant and up to date.  It’s kind of fun but it’s also work at the same time.  If I would push a wrong button there isn’t much harm that I could do there.  However, on any server when I go to log off if I click shutdown instead that can create a problem since I am a domain admin I have full rights to go where I want and can do anything, with power comes responsibility.  I kind of think that I sold myself short on money but this is still a good experience.  I wish there was less meetings and more working.  I was stuck on the call from hell yesterday.  It was a meeting with a vendor that didn’t know their product and they were telling us to go one direction while our engineers wanted to go another.  It was scheduled for 1 hour and we went 2 1/2 that pretty much took care of the rest of the day.  All of my training was cancelled and rescheduled, no one wanted to be on the phone so I was off on my own.  Not a bad thing.

The commute home last night was horrible and the jams came in waves.  You wade through one get going a little bit and presto another jam.  I was never so glad to be able to get home.  I got food set out for the hungry fur guys and gals, then I went around the house and emptied the litter boxes, trying to get the most bang for my buck when it comes to trash.  I put everything in the barrel and wheeled it out to the curb.  I thought for sure someone would hit it but not as of this morning when I left.  It’s just odd having something you have done for 15 years just up and change.  I can adjust but I still don’t like change when it comes to my daily routine or habits. 

Tomorrow is the big day for my eyes, I get to see how much they have changed since last year.  I have all of my ducks in a row and am ready to go.  Just wish that I made the appointment for later in the day.  Normally when I am done I like to come home and take a nap to give the dilation drops time to wear off.  I have to hit up the post office for those pee pads so looks like as long as I can see well enough that is where I will be headed after the eye doc.  Then I can come home and nap. 

I have been having some strange dreams, but over all sleeping pretty well.  Just wish that I could make it through a couple nights without waking up and having to go to the bathroom.  The joys of getting old. 

I got a response from the parent company of the urgent care center, but I can’t read it until I get home.  I am dying to know what they had to say, it will either be disclaiming their alleged error or they will admit their mistake and be sending me a check.  I can’t see it going any other way, but I won’t know until I take time to read the email. 

Got most of my bills paid last night.  I have a couple more to take care of tonight and then I am done.  I am going through hoops to get my $12.19 back from Steak N Shake.  Lesson learned there if your going to pay do it with a credit card, disputes are easier and quicker.  Right now I am waiting for a temporary credit to show up, have to wait for paperwork to fill out in the mail and once the investigations is done the temporary credit will be perm if they find in my favor, if not they will debit my account to get the credit back. 

No real special plans for the weekend but I have given thought to going to eat at either the buffet or for pie.  I’ll probably talk myself out of it for now and go closer to Memorial Day.  It’s been a long time and while I don’t always like the drive it can be fun. 

So back to checking on the antivirus server, getting more training and attending more meetings.  Everyone seems to be in a fairly good mood so that helps.  I am eager to depart and head off into the weekend.  There is something so special about a Friday night and it feels like your a million miles away from Monday but blink and it’s staring you in the face.  I hope you have a great weekend and I will talk with you all again soon.

Rainy Thursday

Today has really taken off, I can’t believe we are approaching 1p.  The rain has been falling all morning long and my back window is now clean.  Traffic was a mess and I was later than normal, but still on time.  I registered yesterday for some training and the company listed all of the training times in GMT, so I had to convert that after the fact.  Turns out all of the classes I signed up for are at 8a and my normal start time is 8:30a, so I will have to get up earlier on a few mornings.  There are 3 sessions one coming up soon and then in the next couple weeks to follow one on a Wednesday and then on a Friday.  I also mistakenly registered for a class on the 30th but that is a holiday and there is no way I will be attending, I submitted a cancellation for that and am waiting to hear back from the company. 

I learned a little bit more about our Antivirus protection here at work, it’s simple stuff but it’s also very important because it’s helping to keep us secure.  Cybersecurity is ever growing and Cybercriminals are just as vigilant as the security pros.  It’s like a war or a contest to see who can beat whom.  It’s a scary world we live in, before you worried about getting mugged after dark outside of that not too much happened.  Now the crimes are different both in person and on-line.  You just have to watch your six at all opportunities.  I will get another session and get to learn more, but for now I have some basic daily tasks which is kind of nice.  My co workers got to learn everything as it came on line when the department was first created, I don’t have that luxury and am having it all force fed to me at once.  Were moving slow but still it’s a lot to take in. 

Tomorrow is payday so that means that I will be paying bills tonight after I stop for the mail.  I got a phone call and an email from the parent company of the urgent care facility that bilked me out of $115.55, they forwarded the letter on to a VP and she called trying to be intimidating and left me a message that she has findings she would like to share.  I’m not calling her back.  I reached back out by email and asked her to disclose her findings.  My guess is they don’t want to give the money back because of their mistake.  I don’t care who I get the money from so long as I get reimbursed.  I do feel as if the parent company of the urgent care center that made the mistake should be the ones who have to pay it back, since they took it because of an error they made.  I’ve got all of the bases covered on this one, just have to sit back and wait until it plays out.  I could easily be out the money but the way I look at it is I was already out the money, so I have nothing to lose.  The risk is pissing people off and well I can tell you that I have quite the knack for that. 

Lawn boy hasn’t been able to cut the grass due to all of the rain so I will be able to save some money there, but I know he’s coming just not sure when.  My lawn looks horrible but it’s only been 2 weeks.  I think he may be able to catch a break tomorrow, but this is the weather we are talking about so it could change at any second. 

Everything else is calm.  I got to spend the evening with the kids and watched TV.  We all had a good time and enjoyed each others company.  Would be nice if we could repeat that tonight but daddy’s got to pay bills first and then we shall see what remains.  My 1p is coming up so I have to run.  Hope all is coming up kittens and rainbows in your world.  Talk with you all again soon!

Tears at lunch

Things have been going along fairly well.  I have made several contributions in my new role to both my team and to end users, I felt really good leaving yesterday.  We had an issue come up and it was an all hands on deck situation, I wound up staying a half hour extra and the whole time I was thinking traffic is really going to suck.  Nope it actually helped, all of the hustle and bustle was gone.  Smooth sailing on the way home.  I need more times where I feel on top of the world and glad that I was able to be a valuable contributor.  I think they will come but it’s going to take some time.  There really is a lot for me to learn and how I keep it all in my brain will be a miracle in it’s self.  I think once I am engaged and actually doing stuff that will help.  Right now I have my training wheels on and were starting off slow.  I just got my first clerical/administrative assignment to create of all things an Excel spreadsheet.  Yuk.  There isn’t any math involved but still, yuk.

One of the things I do at lunch is watch YouTube videos.  Late yesterday Will & RJ posted a video about the prep for the wedding.  There was a bit of a challenge to get through the video without crying.  I didn’t quite understand that, I mean it starts off like a normal video.  That changes towards the end and things get romantic and I started tearing up.  Wow it really sucks to be single.  I am truly happy for them, they are much younger than I am and you can tell they are just there for each other.  It’s a true match and that is evident when you see them interacting with each other.  Just makes me miss what I had and leaves me wondering if I will ever have anything remotely close to that again?  Who knows only time will tell.  I certainly hope so. 

Things are going pretty good at the cat house.  They are all eating and begging for more.  I didn’t get to relax with them like I normally would on a Tuesday night.  There was a very small movement in my legal issue.  Dealing with that and a distressed friend/co-worker took up my evening.  Lesson I learned don’t try to write a letter while your talking on the phone because your going to make a typo or worse yet the whole things might not even make sense when you re-read it.  Thankfully in my case there was only one grammatical error, but the point was conveyed. 

While I was talking on the phone I went to pass out treats for the furry children and noticed two hot guys and a girl on the deck at the house next to me, which is for sale.  One of them saw me and started to point to the other one.  I was wearing nothing but my underwear.  Wow guess they took it all in.  I hope they are gay and I hope they buy the house.  That would just be cool and who knows maybe they have a single friend.  Things could have been worse I could have been naked, but that only happens in the mornings (usually).  Once the house sells I will have to be cautious or at the very least draw the shades so no one can see my valuable assets. 

Weather wise it’s nothing but storms, rain and fog.  Yes I still have a dirty back window.  I haven’t managed to get my car wet enough to soak the back window.  The windshield however has been a different story.  Funny how that works.  Anyway my phone has been going nuts for the past hour or so telling me there are storm warnings out.  I hope it quiets down soon. 

So there you have it you know as much as I do, except for the fact that I ordered a case of pee pads for Bear.  He is going through them at a rate of 4 plus per day.  I’m happy that he is going but it is starting to become expensive.  It’s kind of funny to watch him pitter patter and slide in hot to his bed, it’s like a plane flying on to a ship.  Once he starts moving look out because he’s not going to stop and it takes everything he’s got.  Poor guy I feel bad that he isn’t more mobile, his siblings can out pace him easily.  However, if he is scared he can actually run! 

Well lunch time is about done, going to publish this and then work on the ever fun Excel spreadsheet.  Looking forward to being able to spend a relaxing evening with the family watching TV and being laid back.

Monday

Well I accomplished most of the tasks on my list.  Bear got his bath and as soon as we got to the sink, he started to pee.  I made sure his claws were trimmed but as per usual he almost got me in the face with his back claws.  The clean didn’t last terribly long soon he was off peeing again.  He goes on a pad most of the time, sometimes he goes on himself and other times he thinks he is on the pad but he is going on the floor.  Antibiotics are done, so were back to basic meds.  He’s still his same old picky self and quite the attention whore.

Momma has been tolerating the increase in her medication well.  I did hear back from the vet, they had some internal communication issues and acknowledged that it was their fault.  I got a voice mail this morning.  I should have answered the phone because now I am playing hell to get the doctor to call me back.  I’ve left two messages hours apart but thus far nothing.  I am not calling again, time to wait it out. 

I found the most amazing wedding card for Will & RJ, it’s in my car and I will be mailing it tonight along with several other items.  I was going out last night but then it suddenly got dark and looked like it was going to storm so I talked myself out of it.  Now I have to take care of it tonight, which isn’t a bad thing. 

I purchased more shampoo and conditioner, like I really needed it.  My obsession with Hair Care products is just as real as my obsession with writing instruments.  However, Hair Care is much more affordable.  I got Shampoo Number Two by Paul Mitchell which is used to deep clean and clarify and then picked up Daily Conditioner by American Crew.  It’s got Menthol in it so it has a cooling effect and it kind of tingles.  I’m not happy that I gave in but at the same time if I don’t treat myself then who will? 

Had a great supper thanks to Stouffer’s.  Bread crumb topped Chicken, Broccoli and Cheese.  It’s got pasta mixed in with it and it’s really good.  It only comes in a Family Size and it takes 25 minutes to cook in the microwave.  I had half last night and am looking forward to having the left overs tonight.  I got an inexpensive cake and damn it tastes horrible.  Looks pretty but the taste just isn’t there.  I got all Chocolate and should have stuck with trusty Marble.  It’s just a simple 1 layer with the usual ton and a half of icing.  I just like to get a taste of the icing, it quickly wears on my taste buds and is too much, then I attack the cake and throw away the left over icing.  It’s always been that way.

So overall it was a good weekend.  Everyone got attention and of course I visited my mom.  Now its’ back to the grind. 

I took a little bit higher dose of sleeping medicine last night and I really struggled to get out of bed this morning.  I was in auto pilot mode for a while but eventually woke up.  I have a decent amount of TV stacked up for me to watch so no worries about what’s on.  That’s mostly because I concentrated on Frankie & Grace and I managed to binge watch the entire 2nd season over the course of 3 days, which I think is pretty good.  The show is still funny and I am ready for the next season.  However, Orange is the New Black will be the next series that is out that I will be binge watching, I think it’s set for sometime next month. 

Spied on the children already today from work and they are all in hiding, which is normal.  Managed to get here early and picked up a 1/2 hour of overtime, which is totally awesome.  I am looking forward to seeing how much more money I will be taking home with my increase.  I’ve got about 15 minutes left and then it’s back.  I checked my schedule and it’s really wide open this week.  I am going to have to reach out and ask if there is something else I can learn.  I’ve had a few tasks handed off to me but they are mostly done.  I don’t like to stock pile work, I am a get it done type person so that I can move on to the next thing.  Employers tend to love that about me. 

So now we start the count down all over again to the weekend.  This weekends big task will be seeing the eye doctor.  I am going to the same place but seeing a different doctor, hopefully she and I get along.  I really want to get some frames like Kennedy has over at Corbin Fisher.  Yes, it’s a porn site and I really am quite fond of Kennedy.  I’ve been asking for months but no response other than were looking into it.  When I made my appointment I asked if I brought in a picture of frames if they could figure out who made them and order me a pair.  They said they would give it their best shot.  So I had to cleverly scroll through a scene where he wore his glasses and do screen captures of his face and the frames, without showing what he was doing or what was being done to him.  I think I did a great job, printed it out last night and its ready to go with me on Saturday.  I think the odds are pretty good that I will need new glasses but if not then that will just provide more time to figure out the mystery.  I’ve done a lot of research and it’s all time consuming and disappointing.  I have had a couple of close matches but they are not exact.  Scrolling through eye glass frames on the internet isn’t exactly my idea of a good time.  However, when I get started trying to find something out I tend not to give up until I have the answer.  It’s the thrill of the hunt and once you sole the mystery it just feels so good. 

I hope you had a great weekend and that everything is coming up roses in your world.  Were in for a week of severe weather.  I need to have my back window washed and the rain always seems to come when my car is in the garage be it at work or at home.  I just hope that if anything happens after I fall asleep that the weather radio doesn’t go off, that scares the crap out of me and will cause me to sit upright in bed instantly.  My brain thinks it’s the house alarm but then I realize it’s the weather radio.  Run for cover, nah I am going back to bed, chances are it will be nothing at all.  I say that and then watch I will wake up and be 3 streets over and wonder how I got there.  Maybe I should duck and run for cover!

Wedding 689

Today was an emotional day for me.  It started out with a visit to my mom.  I really didn’t want to go see her but I promised her that I would be by soon and figured that today was probably the best day of all.  I have commitments the next two weekends and who knows what will come up after that.  She did a lot of crying, it didn’t take much and as fast as the tears stopped they started up again.  She sounds like she really hates the nursing home, but she elected to go there.  Now she has remorse and wants to go back to the house but there is no house to go back to.  She was worried that they are going to put a rock on her income and I explained to her that I did my research and it’s done, no one can garnish or otherwise have claim to her disability income.  Our state has an anti-deficiency law so that once you surrender your property to the bank, that is full and final payment.  If there is a balance on the loan they can’t come after you for it.  If she remembers and can keep the facts straight when she tells my brother that, he will be overjoyed since he is legally responsible for her.  I thought for sure he had made a huge mistake and was going to regret it but lucky for him the law appears to be written in his favor.  Mom’s still trying to get into a state program and get moved to an apartment.  I honestly don’t think that she will qualify for her own apartment and can live totally on her own.  I think she will always need someone to watch over her.  The mom that I knew and remember is gone and has been gone for quite sometime.  I have to deal with the new mom and her mental state.  It’s really very sad.  Then again I am not all that well attached to her, given our ups and downs as well as the way I have been treated in the past.  It is to my benefit to keep my distance, I know my sanity and life are far better off.  Kind of sad that it has to be that way but it is what it is. 

I knew it was coming today was a very special day for Will & RJ the YouTube couple I have watched for many years.  They live streamed their wedding, they wrote their own vows and it was an awesome ceremony.  It’s all captured on video and it’s available if you’d like to watch over at their channel http://www.youtube.com/shep689  They are both young and in love.  They have been together for six years and 6 months.  That is a very short time but long enough to know if you want to make the long term commitment to get married.  I am profoundly happy for both of them, but it did bring back a flood of memories for me.  I have never cried at a wedding, but I did today.  It was so awesome that they thought of their viewers and decided to share their special moment with the rest of the world.  Twitter was a mess waiting for the livestream to begin.  It started on my phone before I could get it going on my Roku.  Finally everything came together and I was able to watch it on TV which is a much larger screen than my phone.  Wow is all I can say.  Simple but elegant ceremony surrounded by family and friends, how high they both must feel right now.  It was a HUGE step to take and one that I hope will last them both a lifetime.  I’ve written to them before, even sent them a copy of my book.  It’s no secret that I am writing them again, going to pickup a card at the store tomorrow to send to them.  I didn’t want to do it but then I felt compelled to reach out.  I touched on my story and told them to take time to plan for the unforeseen, I know that is probably not appropriate but just knowing what I went through, never thinking that I would have to make a decision to remove life support – it can and often does happen in the blink of an eye.  I encouraged them to take time and talk with each other, to have the necessary legal paperwork drawn up so there are no questions and everything is in order.  I of course congratulated them and wished them all the best.  Watching kind of made me wish I was younger and could experience the same thing.  I can’t say if I will ever get married again, but it’s not something that I am ruling out.  I doubt that I will ever find someone as special as my late partner but I know that there is someone out there for me, finding him is the difficult part.  Kind of wish I could speed that up.

Now we move on to the part where I got mad.  I’ve placed two phone calls to the vet about Momma asking about a Plan “B” since I can’t afford their Plan “A” option.  No one has called me back.  I was determined to go over and throw a fit in the lobby, but instead I chose to put my anger in words.  I have had and still harbor anger because of what happened with Big Boy/Bear.  I think they should give him free medical care for the rest of his life, but convincing them of that is another story.  My late partner encouraged me to keep my mouth shut and not express my feelings.  Well he’s not here and I have had it.  So I let some of it out when I had to take Bear over and I let more out today when I wrote a letter.  Come to find out their website has malicious software, I browsed to their site from Work and it set off all kinds of alarms.  I did it from home today and same thing.  So I was a nice guy and told them about it for free.  Hopefully they do something about it so that their customers who don’t have up to date security software aren’t infected.  There isn’t a privacy or data breach issue at this point, but if the virus that wanted on to my machine actually got through and I logged in then there would be a data breach.  I should have charged the bastards but instead I was kind figuring that might help further my cause.  I faxed the letter to them, so hopefully on Monday someone will reach out to me.  If that is not the case and I don’t have a response by mid-week, then lets just say it won’t be pretty because I will be over there and in someone’s face.  I might be weak on somethings but if it comes to my furry babies then I am very protective, to the point that I would take a bullet or get ran over by a car if I could do it and they wouldn’t be hurt or injured. 

I got through my letters last night, took an awful lot of paper, proofing and coordination but I have filed a last ditch appeal with the union that my partner was a member of that provides the insurance to me.  I also reached out to the local hospital that runs the urgent care facility as well as the conglomerate that contracts with them to supply physicians.  I explained that the insurance claim was submitted incorrectly as an office visit.  It probably was just a typo but the more I thought about it I viewed it as a fraudulent and deceptive way for them to collect revenue that they were not otherwise entitled to.  I asked them to reimburse me for their error.  Plus I looped in the appropriate state agency's so they could start their own investigation.  I don’t give a damn who gives me back my money but I want it from someone.  If the company gives back the money I will tell the union, I’m not looking to commit insurance fraud or to make money on this, I simply want back what is rightfully mine.  I still have a right to sue but we both know that I’m not going there it would be far too time consuming and if I lost I would be out a lot more than what is owed to me.  So let’s just hope my strong words bring some swift action.  Should be interesting!

I wore my pride shirt out today. It takes some guts to put that on and go out in the world.  You just never know what kind of reaction your going to get.  I got a compliment from a waitress on it.  So far it’s been a very positive experience.  I think wearing it might just attract a guy or so I hope. 

I am all wound up and ready to burn the midnight oil, despite yawning.  The kids all want to go to bed.  Momma has already yelled at me that I am up past my bed time.  They have their routines just like I have mine.  If I disturb theirs it’s difficult but they recover.  If mine are disturbed it can throw my whole day off.  I have a love hate relationship with routines but I do like structure!

We had some wicked storms pass through the area.  Thankfully my town has power.  There are surrounding towns that don’t have power, lots of trees and power lines down.  I turned on the scanner and the power company is talking way more than the police or fire departments.  It got kind of annoying so I turned it off. 

Tomorrow I continue my laundry adventure, clean the house, give Bear his bath and prepare for Monday.  I’m not anxious like I was last Monday but I am sure it will all come together.  I still feel like I bit off way more than I can chew, I remain scared but optimistic that it’s going to fall into place.  I am sure there will be areas that I will excel in and other areas where I lack, thankfully no one is expecting me to pick this stuff up overnight.  I want to ask about a subscription to a service for some training and to further my education but I don’t know if they will cover it.  The cost is $400 for 1 year, which considering everything that is available is really cheap.  They help you prep for tests for certifications, talk about most everything under the sun that is IT related and even if your not studying for a cert you can learn something from watching.  Remember the 3 day law firm from 2 years ago?  Yeah when I asked them for the subscription that is when they fired me, after 3 days.  Thankfully my present employer has much more faith in me and I have a stellar reputation for customer service and getting shit done!  Right now I can’t afford the $300 since my recent vet visits.  However, if I get to the point where I can afford it, I will gladly make the investment.  It would do wonders for me in self confidence and help my paycheck to grow if I was able to get a cert or two under my belt.  Plus it would also make me more marketable should I ever find myself looking for a job again. 

Well Momma is throwing a small fit and before she has a canary I think I should obey her and get upstairs to pass out meds and wind down for the night.  Still watching Frankie and Grace, it’s awesome!  Take care and I hope your having a great weekend.  We shall talk again soon!

Heart Breaker

I suppose I am a heart breaker.  I was talking with this guy on Grindr, he hit me up.  Yeah it’s the guy who is the dishwasher.  Anyway, we chatted back and forth.  He’s really into me, which I think is great but then he had to tell me that he is HIV + and asked if that would be an issue.  Holy crap, that is a curve ball I wasn’t expecting.  I certainly don’t want it but told him that I would have to do my research to find out more.  Honestly I know very little about HIV and being a gay guy I should probably know more, even if I am not sexually active.  So we got past that hurdle then he said he would like to meet.  Okay so no harm no foul there.  I asked about a specific location he responds back that he doesn’t have transportation.  Holy shit your in your 40’s, your a dishwasher, HIV + and don’t have a car.  All of those are serious red flags for me.  I am going to pass on meeting him.  I mean he might be the best guy ever but it doesn’t sound like his life is in order.  As we all know I have been through hell and back several times.  I own a house, have 2 vehicles and a full time job that affords me the ability to make the house payment.  I know it sounds like I am saying I am better than him and that is totally not the case.  I just see that there are serious areas of concern and that he might just be looking for someone to take care of him or be his sugar daddy.  That certainly won’t be me.  I don’t have enough sugar to be my own daddy.  I really hate being in this predicament.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, just looking to find my Mr. Right.  The only thing that he has going for him that is a plus is that he is interested in a Long Term Relationship.  I know that one this is part of the process and two guys who are interested in Long Term Relationships are rare and most of them are not on Grindr because it’s a hookup app. 

In other news the job is moving along.  We made it to Friday and my coworker is back in the office.  Unfortunately, our days got rearranged so we don’t meet up as in the two of us until later in the day.  I have all sorts of questions and I know I could call her but honestly everyone is overwhelmed.  Slowness and Boredom are rare things once you know what your doing.  The good news is that will help keep my focus and the work days and weeks will fly by.  We were talking just the other day that Thanksgiving will be here before you know it.  Yeah by then I will have either made it in this position or they will have shoved me out the door.  Everyone is so positive that I am going to make it, they are going to work with me.  It all is a bunch of confusion right now but it’s supposed to make sense.  There are a lot of technologies and things that are going on that are of interest to me.  So while I am semi scared and I want to run away, I am forging forward to see if I can’t make me proud of myself.  I occasionally lack self confidence but I know that I can do amazing things and I have gotten through a lot of very trying and difficult situations, so just treat this like one of those times and hopefully I will do fine.  I really want to make it and right now I just feel like I am in over my head.  Someone took a huge chance on me by giving me this opportunity and I feel very fortunate to have it.

In cat news, everyone appears to be doing okay.  Bear is making urine so that is a good thing.  He’s getting a bath this weekend and that won’t be fun for either one of us but we will get through it.  Momma is still craving attention.  No more presents at the moment but she doesn’t give one every day, thankfully.  I hope they all stay happy and healthy for a long time to come.  I have my concerns but I try to keep them at bay and enjoy what time I do have with each of them.  They are all special to me and have changed my life forever. 

My next battle is brewing.  I filed an appeal with my health insurance company to reimburse me for an Urgent Care visit that I had to pay for.  As I suspected and told them all along, the claim was improperly submitted as an office visit and that is why a bill was generated.  If the provider would have billed it correctly then I could get my money back.  My insurance company responded and said they have to pay claims based on the way they are submitted and they can’t make an exception for me.  I can sue them and/or file for a voluntary review.  I am not going to sue them because that would cost me more money.  I am going to file for the voluntary review.  I am also writing several other letters like to the top brass of the physicians group that I had to pay.  The administrator of the local hospital that runs the urgent care center as well as my states attorney general since I view this predatory and fraudulent.  Those letters and supporting documentation will take time but hopefully it will get me back my $115, so it’s kind of worth my time.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Start a paper war and you just might win.  It’s worked before and hopefully it will work again.

That is really all that is brewing.  Saw a great movie last night on Netflix called 4th Man Out.  It’s about a guy who comes out to his friends as being gay.  They are determined to help find him a man.  Chord Overstreet and Parker Young both of which are HOT! It’s entertaining and funny.  I am looking forward to binging on Frankie & Grace Season 2.  It is out today so going home and writing those letters won’t be something I want to do but I will get it all done some how. 

Today is the first day of the automated trash collection.  No trash picked up by the time I left, which was disappointing.  I also almost hit the damn barrel.  See bags are better but that is just my opinion.  Now the instructions say that the handle should face your house.  Is that the handle on top of the lid or the handle that you push the barrel out with?  Of course I am the only one who did it differently in the neighborhood so it will be interesting to see if I got it right and if all of my neighbors are wrong or if I am the one who is wrong.  Chances are really high that whom ever is wrong won’t have their trash picked up and well mine is filled to the brim so it need to be dumped today.  It will be interesting to see what I find when I get home.

Now it’s about time to join my first meeting so back to boring I go.  Way too many meetings and not enough productivity but hopefully I will be able to change all of that.  Who knows? 

Have a good weekend and I will talk with you all again soon.

The Middle

Oh boy made it to the middle of the week!  So today there was a lot of grunt work to do, it was more stuff that I was used to taking care of in my previous role.  I knocked out the job quickly and then another one came.  I had some time to do some exploring and was trying to hunt down a document which I have not yet been able to find.  I don’t want to ask that is the easy way out but I may eventually.  The thrill of the hunt is fun sometimes.  Right now all of this is very new to me and there is some apprehension on my part.  Each day I ask myself if I made the right call and honestly it’s way too soon to tell.  Just like it took time to hear the good news, it’s going to take time for me to get acclimated, I hope it’s a good fit because I am not in a position to want to look for a new job. 

So on to the cat house.  Things are uh-okay.  Bear is still peeing on himself so I am worried that he is going to block off again.  I really want him off the antibiotics but the vet said to be certain to finish them, so I am following their instructions to the letter.  Honestly I’m thinking that this bladder thing will probably be his downfall but I am remaining optimistic.

Momma left me a present in my room while I was in the shower.  It’s the kind of thing that should have been done in the litter box.  She wants me to know that she still isn’t right and there still is a problem.  I am waiting for the vet to call me back but I honestly don’t think that will happen since I didn’t agree to the expensive drug they want to put her on.  I have increased her medicine and she appears to be tolerating it.  I give her plenty of attention and she isn’t shy about asking for it either. 

Thinking of all of my animals why on earth do they get sick, why do bad things happen to them?  It’s like a new born getting sick or after a year or two being diagnosed with cancer.  Why do these things happen?  A guy I used to work with told me there was no God because if there was a God things like this wouldn’t happen.  I totally get his point and semi-agree with him.  However, I was raised that there is a God and honestly I can’t explain why those things happen, it doesn’t make sense to me.  I waffle on my belief and that is something my late partner told me that he really wished that I would stop and just believe in God.  I am most likely overthinking it, which is something that I tend to do. 

My hour break for lunch goes by faster than the entire day.  Last night I let Gator sleep with me and I woke up with a sore hip.  I have no idea what she does to me but I always wake up with a sore hip when I sleep with her.  Marv joined us but of course Gator being the ham she is, she stole Marvin’s spot so we couldn’t cuddle.  They both held their ground all night long.  I was dead tired last night, I fell asleep sitting in a chair and the night wasn’t that old yet.  All of this thinking and learning all day really is exhausting.  I of course was texting last night with a co-worker and playing on my phone.  There is so little time for me to catch up on social networking.  Kind of miss that but at the same time I am grateful.  I get tired at work in the middle of the morning but you yawn, drink some ice water and keep on moving.  The body is truly amazing!

So that’s all I have for now.  More learning and meetings this afternoon, then the drive home and time to see the children again.  Rinse – Repeat and eventually we make it to Friday.  Hope all is well in your world!

Day #2

So I’ve made it to the second day.  Yesterday was really long.  I got home and had to cater to the children.  I thought I would take time for myself and get caught up on some stuff I’ve wanted to do but it involved my computer.  I sat down in front of it and quickly decided I wanted to go back upstairs and watch a movie.  Spending all day in front of two monitors is more exhausting than I thought, plus all of the training, meetings and conference calls.  It’s just a lot to take in.  My new team has given me the impression they aren’t very organized.  Our leader hasn’t made a great impression on me and I am still getting to know him but right now my early opinion is he isn’t much of a leader.  He just likes to bark orders.  I mean he’s polite but he is all business and doesn’t seem to relax at work, it’s like he is wound so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass you’d have a diamond in a week.  Can you name the movie that line is from? 

The children appear to be doing okay.  Everyone was in a picky mood this morning.  I had to open multiple cans of food to pacify everyone.  I had to keep everyone away from momma so she could eat without getting upset.  It was like a 3 ring circus.  I still got everything accomplished that needed to happen and made it out the door by my normal time.  I’ve checked in on them and it appears everyone is in hiding.  That’s fine they love their sleep and that can’t hurt them.

I told the vet that they will have to think of an alternative plan because I can’t afford to shell out $43.99 plus tax for medicine for a one month supply.  I haven’t heard back from them.  Last night I took it on my own to start momma on a pill and a half.  I am going to aim to be diligent and make sure that she doesn’t miss a dose for the next 4 weeks, then taking her back to just have the blood drawn and see what they come back with.  I am concerned about her and from what I have read on line this is a very common problem.  The most successful treatment option is the radioactive iodine treatment and it takes different doses for different cats which means the cost will vary.  The place locally that does it will take the cat on a Tuesday and you get them back on Thursday.  Then they go home for two weeks, come back for a Geiger counter reading and then in a couple weeks they go back to the regular vet to have their blood drawn to find out if the treatment worked.  It’s a lot of work and money.  I can do the work part but don’t have the money.  So I want to be as conservative as possible.  While the vet didn’t mention this my research pointed out that it’s possible that the cat could have Thyroid cancer.  I mean Bear has ‘invisible cancer’ so maybe his mom has the same thing.  I just couldn’t help myself with that snarky comment.  Telling the vet politely about plan B is my way of saying you need to find another fool.  You’ll never convince me that the local compounding pharmacy doesn’t give them a percentage back for sending business their way.  I understand that sometimes it’s necessary.  3 months at $50 I could deal with but 1 month at that rate wow that is 1/2 of my grocery bill. I love my cat kids but I have to look at the over all financial picture and no one can starve and everyone of us needs water and shelter.  If I had two incomes this wouldn’t be a big deal at all.  Unfortunately that is not the case. 

Speaking of a second income I got a message from a random guy on one of the dating services.  I looked up his profile and he looks suspiciously like the guy I had been chatting with before, who one day just disappeared.  While I don’t think it’s a robot it’s clearly a fake profile.  I blocked him and am not responding to the message.  I don’t mind chatting with someone, like last night on Grindr a guy hit me up and I looked at his profile as well as links to his social networks.  He’s 46 years old and a dishwasher.  Not that there is anything wrong with that but at 46 seriously and you want to be in a long term relationship.  Yeah okay.  I’ll chat all day long with him might even get to the point where we meet in person but unless the information I saw is totally bogus I doubt that we would be compatible.  Being in my situation it is easy and all too common for other people to take advantage of you and your kindness.  So I’m quick to smell that and steer clear.  If it’s meant to be then it will happen, warning signs or not.  However, I don’t want to wake up one morning with regret and say if only I would have …  My hope however is that since I have advanced in my job that I can advance in my persona life and find a serious boyfriend.  One step at a time. 

Remember Taz aka LB?  As of Sunday he has been gone for 1 year.  Man it feels like yesterday.  That was a horrible experience and I still feel bad for bringing him home.  I hope that he is with his buddy and having a great time in heaven.  Still I’m selfish and wish he was back here, he was the best cat ever so easy going. 

Well speaking of going time for me to publish this, grab some water and prepare for an afternoon of meetings – awesome!  Let’s hope I stay awake.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Systems–Passwords- Scrambled Eggs for Brains

So it’s been an interesting day so far.  Tons of systems to manage, monitor and each one requires you guessed it a login and password.  Some passwords change and some do not.  It’s going to be a mess to try to keep it all straight but I think once I am used to it all that I will be fine.  I still have concerns that I might have stepped in deep water but right now I am fine. 

There are huge breaks in my schedule and at first I didn’t understand why.  Now I do, you need time to think about what you just learned and try to unscramble your brain to prepare for the next meeting.

Found out early this morning that my old boss is in the hospital.  It doesn’t sound good but all of the information I am getting is 2nd or 3rd hand so lots can get lost in translation.  I sent a well wish email and I hope that she makes it back home and is on the mend soon.  She is dealing with cancer and also has heart issues.  She is very well liked so lots of people have concerns. 

Light bulb moment for me with Momma.  She didn’t have her medicine before she was tested, of course the levels will be higher.  I called this morning and passed the information on.  Waiting to hear back.  Maybe I will need to medicate her and retest to be sure that all is normal.  I am speculating and that often doesn’t bode well for me.  So I will wait to hear back, I just hope they call at a time that I can talk and not during one of my meetings. 

Everyone appears to be okay. Bears barked at me this morning he is so lazy he didn’t want to go to his bed to pee, he had me lay down a pee pad in front of him and then he climbed on top of it.  Hey better that he goes on the pad than on the already ruined rug.  I need to clean the carpet again but want to make sure that it’s done at a time when things have normalized. 

My allergies have kicked into high gear.  My eyes are bothering me and my nose is a little bit.  I’ve updated the medication but still some symptoms persist.  All apart of the suffering.  Love the warmer weather but hate the pollen.  Wishing I could cut my own lawn that would save me money, get me a workout and both of those are things that I need to do. 

So far this week is off to a good start.  I pray it stays that way.  Getting ready to head back for more fun and another meeting.  I am already tired.  Slept with Insty and Marvin last night.  She is a huge cry baby and lets just say that I would have had more sleep without her by my side but she was more comfortable than I.  The things I do for all of them, you’d think that would give me good karma for life.

That is all I know at the moment.  I am looking forward to sleeping tonight and hopefully it’s with Marv he’s my snuggle buddy.  I don’t mind if Bear joins us but no girls they are far too needy.  I would really be amazed if Ruth wanted to curl up together and I think we would each enjoy that but don’t think that will ever happen unless it’s in a dream.  Speaking of dreams time to wake up and head back, ten more minutes of lunch left.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Cats still going–my bank account is dead

We got to the do or die point, exactly where I didn’t want to be.  Bear has a 100% blockage of his bladder.  Surgery wasn’t required but they did have to use a catheter to drain his bladder.  I got him there in time, but if I would have waited any longer the outcome would not have been so good.  Typically cats with blocked bladders if not treated will die from all of the toxins that are in there system.  The bladder can also rupture and if that happens and you want to save the cat, you might want to go apply for a mortgage loan because it’s going to be expensive as hell and despite the cost there is no guarantee for a successful outcome.  In Bear’s case they drained the bladder, he was hospitalized and they pushed fluid to flush out his system.  He sat in the hospital for a day while the fluid went in and came out of him.  All of his output was normal.  They did blood work at the start of this and that showed elevated levels of potassium as well as issues with his kidneys.  After the 1 day was up, they redrew his blood and everything had normalized.  There is no kidney damage and that I find truly remarkable.  It’s like God is really watching out for him and despite the 9 lives rule, Bear just keeps on going.  I was told from the outset that I could shell out a bunch of money and still have a dead cat.  I am selfish and want to hang on to him for as long as possible.  We dodged a huge bullet and I am so very thankful.  There will come a day when we will not be so lucky.  He peed all over me once we got outside and he peed in my car.  I knew I should have brought the truck but I was eager to get him out of that place.  He’s been hamming it up ever since he has been home.  I have medicine for him which he takes with a little bit of a fight.  When they sedate a cat it screws with their bowels so they don’t go for several days.  That flood gate broke last night and I had another mess to clean up.  As much as I complain I would rather pay for pee pads, paper towels, baby wipes, food and give him my time.  He’s one very special cat and he knows it for sure.  He plays me like a fiddle and I let him because he is not only special to me but he was special to my late partner.  This was one of those times when I could have let go but it just didn’t feel right.  I’m told that when the time comes I will know it.  Well I hope someone hits me over the head with a hammer to get my attention because honestly I don’t want to let go now or ever.  Now I have to keep a close watch on him and if there is any sign that he might be blocked, he has to go back, he can’t afford to have a blockage again.  Honestly I can’t afford for him to have a blockage again. 

Momma went to the vet on Saturday.  She was last there in November and we did blood work then.  I could have easily gotten her medicine refilled without any argument but since she has been leaving me presents, that is her way of telling me something just isn’t right.  So they did blood work and sent me home with a refill of her medicine.  I just got a call with her blood work.  She was trying to tell me something.  Her thyroid level is elevated, which is not good.  We could increase her medication but there isn’t long term hope that it would work because it seems like an absorption issue with her body.  They want to try a new medication that is made for humans but would have to be compounded for her, it’s not cheap but I don’t have an exact price.  It acts like Prednisone but doesn’t have all of the side effects.  She already has a heart murmur from her Thyroid.  So this is the next best option.  I should have pricing information tomorrow and then can make a decision.  I am also considering have the radioactive treatment done and that would take her thyroid out of the picture.  It would be super expensive but it would prolong her life.  There would be isolation involved and I would probably have to take a couple days off work.  I really want to do what is best for her and best for my wallet.  The vets best guess is that if we do nothing that she will probably live 6 months to a year and then pass away from heart disease.  Momma is a tough bird and I need her so does Ruth.  So I hope the cost isn’t terribly expensive for the new medicine and that it works.  Provided I go that route we would recheck her thyroid in about a month and that would be another $100 for the blood work. 

Ruth is still playing me for special food but she has a new habit she doesn’t like to be watched when she is eating.  Watch her and if she figures it out she stops and just stares at you like she wants you to die.  If looks could kill I’d be dead now. 

Marv is hanging in there along with his sister Insty.  Everyone vies for my attention and now I understand how a parent with multiple children feels.  You love them all equally, you have your favorites but you try to give a little attention to everyone.

Tomorrow starts a new chapter for me at work.  I am excited but also a little fearful because there will be a lot of information coming at me.  I don’t know if I will be able to keep up but I am going to try.  My access changed on Friday night and I started to get emails that I have never gotten before, they are still coming in over the weekend.  Not everything looks super important but I don’t want to set up any rules to filter until I know for sure what’s what.  I am in training which means there will be very little actual work for me to do but that won’t last terribly long.  So right now it’s relax, take it all in and enjoy not having to do work.  I made a sign for my cube because I know people are still going to bother me and I can’t have that.  They have to follow the normal procedure and I know no one likes that because they don’t know the person on the other end and they don’t get personalized attention.  All of my former users are very spoiled and very sad that I was able to climb up.  They are happy for me but sad for themselves because now they have to start over.  Whomever they get to replace me I will be sure to let them know the secret to my success because if you keep your users happy, they will keep you happy.  You don’t want someone talking bad about you and I’m sure I had a little bit of that but I was showered with praise on a daily basis and who doesn’t like their ego stroked?  I mean I really thrive off of positive feedback.  I won’t get that as much so I will be starving as well which is another reason why I question if I made the right move.  Time will tell and I will give it a fighting chance.  Right now I am focused on the excitement of the change and the fact that I won’t be taking phone calls from people complaining about their pc not working.  My forte has always been End User Support.  Like anything if you get away from it long enough you forget how it’s done. 

Speaking of work the co-worker who allegedly told her boss that I was harassing her, got me all alone where there was no witnesses and told me that I shouldn’t have assumed she filed a complaint.  Her boss asked her and she told him.  Duh isn’t that the same fucking thing as filing a complaint?  I mean you could have said well it’s personal but no she had to open her clam and be honest.  She told me with her tits all in a knot that next time I should come to her instead of assuming.  I let her have her say.  I thought to myself bitch you have no idea but your dead to me, there won’t fucking be a next time so get it all out of your system, feel better because this was the last straw.  Another co-worker who is friends with both of us told me that I was rather quick to write people off.  I told her I didn’t do it without a good reason.  She has snapped at me twice and there won’t be a third time.  I don’t have time for bullshit in my life, I’ve been through far too much.  Which was the nicest way I could say look you take care of you and I will take care of me.  Now she is being distant with me as if she is mad at me.  Simply put I am not a door mat and you can’t walk on me, unless of course I let you.  Being alone for 3 years has hardened me (no pun intended) and I just won’t tolerate silly bullshit.  It’s easier and more fun to have friends and people in your life, but I have already proven to myself that I need no one but myself to survive in this crazy world.  I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and I don’t want to alienate people.  I think I was more than fair here and even if I wasn’t my mind is made up.  There is no changing that even if you had a gun pointed to my head.  Once my mind is made up it’s done be it good or bad.  I’m hard headed and stubborn as the day is long.  Besides that I’ve already found out co-workers are ‘friends’ for the most part as long as you work together but the minute one of you changes jobs, it’s bye girl.  This particular person has promised to go out with me to a gay bar and to introduce me to her gay friends but she is all talk and no action.  Hell we have been supposed to go to lunch together for a year but she never tells me when she is free.  So walking away is what feels right and I am going to keep on walking and keep on talking.  It’s pretty clear we won’t miss each other even though she claims to be my friend. 

Ah, once again time has spiraled out of control and I didn’t get somethings done.  I promised the kids I would return upstairs and I am going to spend the rest of the evening finishing up a movie, watching Last Week Tonight and then hopefully getting a very good nights rest so that I am fresh for the morning.  Wish me luck and I will tell you how it goes when time permits. 

Here’s to a week filled with joy, good news and happiness – we all need and want it.  Let the sunshine in and dry up the rain! 

Glued Shut?

Happy Tuesday!  I am worried about my Bear.  I believe his cystitis is back because he is trying to pee but nothing is coming out.  I felt a couple of drops over the weekend but I haven’t seen a solid stream since Friday.  That is a long time for a bladder to hold it.  I am wondering if his outlet (aka penis) is glued shut. You can tell he doesn’t feel the greatest but he is putting up a brave front and using that nervous purr to try to throw me off.  We even held hands and he put his claws out to grab on.  What a truly rocky road this guy has had and I am not sure why.  He’s the best cat and really doesn’t cause problems and is very laid back.  He will of course fight with family but outside of that he is just so sweet.  He is eating a little bit and drinking a lot.  I have my doubts if we are going to be able to hold out until Saturday to see the vet.  I am trying but if things don’t change then I think I will need to make the call to go over early.  Each time he gets sick I wonder if this will be the last time.  I really still want to hang on to him.  I know he wants to hang on to me.  I guess time will tell.

Ruth is back to her old self, she doesn’t like me to watch her eat but she sure begs for the food.  I give it to her and sit back to see what she is going to do.  She knows I am watching so she plays like she doesn’t like it.  Turn my head and look back in a minute she is packing it away like it’s going to be her last meal.  Everyone knows I am worried about Bear and I think they all know he doesn’t feel the greatest but so long as I continue to put food out they all seem content to eat. 

Work is very awkward this week.  I am so ready to move on.  Talked with my new boss yesterday he is a chatter box.  He told me that no one ever asked him about moving me and so unless I had an objection that I would stay put.  I am going with that for now.  If I have problems then I will address it and try to get moved but not sure that I would ever be as fortunate to get moved to an office, like I really want.  My hours are going to be the same and I can always re-address that and get to a different shift if I so choose.  That is kind of nice but for right now there is going to be enough change going on with learning I don’t want to put too much on my body.  Plus you have the whole Bear situation.  If something is going to go south with that there will never be a good time but I don’t want to have to take time off in my first week.  I know everyone will understand and it’s a new role not like I am a fresh face and starting day 1 with no seniority.  Still I don’t want to make a bad impression.  Very anxious to be off the whine line.  I know that a good portion of my days will be spent on the phone in conference calls, meetings and training.  However, that is totally different than taking a call from a user who’s computer ‘doesn’t work’. 

Last night I came home to my new trash cans.  One is for trash and the other is for recycling.  They are huge and I only barley have room to fit one of them in the garage.  So I will be doing some garage cleaning over the weekend.  Still only keeping the trash bin in the garage.  The recycle bin is on the deck and will stay there, I am not a recycler.  Sorry but it’s just not my thing.  We were all told that we should not use the bins until next week still people filled them up and put them out.  The trash truck came this morning and they passed everyone by that had used the new container.  There is going to be a lot of upset folks.  They are the same people that will be clueless about the pick up day changing.  Were supposed to get a post card this week to notify us of the new day of the week..  Not looking forward to that because your asking me to change something that I have been doing for 15 plus years.  However, with time I will adapt even if it takes a calendar reminder.  I still like the old way but I do see advantages of the new way.  I have to get used to it for a bit and then see how I feel.

In the way of food I picked up some Magnum raspberry ice creams bars from the store.  3 bars were $5 which is a bit much.  They are coated heavily in chocolate with a nice layer of raspberry inside.  I have only had one and could easily eat the whole box.  They are so good. 

There is a lot of work that I still need to do before the change next week but I have 0 motivation.  I am trying to just limp along.  I mean there is ample time to get it all done, it’s not like if it’s not done by Monday they are out of time.  It just means that someone will have to work at it … if I wasn’t changing roles I would still be taking my sweet time.  I’d get it all done by the mid May deadline but I just work at a different pace.  If you try to rush through it you will miss something and that will make someone mad and have to call for help.  Do I plan to dump most of this work off on someone, yes is the answer.  They would do the same thing to me if the tables were turned.  Besides that what if I was leaving to start a new job at a new company it’s kind of no different.  I have been pushed by a couple people to speed it up but we ran into problems last week that I didn’t help.  There are a total of 5 machines to change out.  I have 1 pretty well done.  Moving on to #2 today and then we shall see where we go from there.  Coming to work this week feels like I am on vacation but still required to work.  I am giddy about the change and ready to get on with it. 

Enough ramble back to the fun.  Watching my bear on the cat cam.  He is sleeping.  I look forward to being able to pet him, hold his hand and try to reassure him that everything is going to be okay.  Plus it would be nice to come home to clean up a mess, nothing huge but something so that I know we are on our way to recovery.  Never wanted to clean up urine so bad. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Happy Birthday to my only commenter – Jude!