Update

My Gator is in the hospital and they are placing a feeding tube.  Pushing an all liquid diet and watching to see if her appetite returns.  As you might well imagine this all comes with not the cheapest of costs.  This is her final shot and if I get a positive outcome great.  If not then it will be the end of the road and we will have to part ways.  It’s not fair to keep poking, prodding and generally making her miserable all because I want to keep her around despite the horrible quality of life she is having.  If something should go sideways while she is there and her heart stops I have asked that there be no life saving measures extended.  That’s just normal protocol I don’t expect her to have a cardiac event but the vet has liability and they have to cover themselves. 

I do realize that the prognosis here isn’t likely to turn out to be positive.  However, I made my little girl a promise that I would throw everything at her and give her a fighting chance just like I did with her siblings and mom.  If this fails then at least I have the comfort of knowing that I tried and I didn’t give up.  All efforts were exhausted.  That however won’t prevent the what if’s and you should have’s of self doubt and reflection that are also known as hindsight.

I am a physical and emotional wreck.  I’ve been running on pure adrenaline for days on end.  I need to take sometime for myself to rest and recover.  Plus there are my weekly tasks that I need to preform to keep going.  Sadly one of those tasks normally is cat food shopping and since I don’t know how this is going to turn out I am not buying more food.  I do have enough here to tide her if she comes home.  This place is so quiet and it’s odd being the only living thing here, that has never happened at least for the past 18 years but for this week. 

I feel like I am going to crash or pass out but I am not giving myself the opportunity to relax just yet.  The day is still young and I had a quick lunch at my Thanksgiving friends house.  I am still very hungry and want to go grab something I just haven’t decided on exactly what that something should be.  I thought it could be Mexican but that means I would have to go back in the direction I just came from.  I’d like to stay close to home for the benefit of being close by in case I was needed at the hospital. 

Right now I think I am taking Monday off regardless of how things go tomorrow.  I will be in a better position tomorrow to understand if that is the right move to make or if I should proceed working as if all is “normal”. 

What a hell of a mess this week has been.  I do hope for good news or a Christmas Miracle.  I will keep you posted as time permits.  Bye for now.