I got out yesterday, saw my friends. My automobile had a low battery but I figured the drive would charge it. However, the extreme cold wreaks havoc on batteries and machinery in general. What would be a normal distance to charge it was not enough. I got to my appointment with my therapist, who tried multiple times to talk me out of coming and was begging me to cancel. However, I made her fat ass get out in all of this shitty weather. The roads weren’t bad but the temperatures were low and the wind was blowing the snow all over the place that’s what made it brutal.
My therapy session was anything but normal. This time instead of coming in the backdoor I was told to come into the front door. My therapist gave her phone to a receptionist and I thought I was communicating with my therapist when in fact I was communicating with a receptionist. I wasn’t happy about that. Then we just get started and I am into maybe 5 minutes and she stops the session, has to talk with her receptionist. We get back on track and then she starts telling me all about her dog that passed away. Fuck lady this is therapy for me not for you. Then I got this random information about how the landlord installed a camera on the parking lot so she felt she needed to disclose that. I could give a fuck less. Unless the landlord starts running licenses plates, she won’t know me from Adam and I know I don’t know her. I could care less who knows where I am at. Big Brother is already here we all carry tracking devices with us in the form of cell phones. Towards the end of the session, she tried to get me to take some Christmas candy but I refused. It sure would have been nice if she would have offered me a bottle of water but she sat there drinking away and could careless about me. I didn’t like the way our relationship started and it’s not progressing well. I’ve got one more appointment scheduled with her but right now I am thinking of cancelling and just terminating the relationship since she’s not really doing anything for me. She’s uber paranoid that someone is going to come into her space which is why the doors are locked. As if it’s a military base and there is some super-secret information she is protecting. Short of an armed guard her security is pretty tight and rigid. That’s another reason why I kind of hate going to see her. I’ve been in therapy a few times before and it’s never been like this, she is paranoid that her clients will see each other or heaven forbid say hi to each other. I dug into her background a little bit more and there were some red flags for me. If I go to the 3rd appointment unless something changes it will be my last appointment. To top it all off I got a message from her secretary that they want my physical address because she just figured out that it’s not on file. I’ve got no plans to tell them where I live, even though I know they want to know in case I should turn suicidal. Law enforcement can find me if they need to but, in my mind, there really is no reason for this crazy lady to know my address, despite the fact that I found where she lives at this morning with just a couple keystrokes and google. Oh, I almost forgot she did stop the session one additional time to focus on her therapy dog who is just an average dog that loves to travel. It’s like my uncle got one and he went everywhere with that dog. I get it but the dog isn’t providing any therapeutic benefit for me.
I’ve been on-line and searched for a different therapist, these seem like the craziest people in the world. Either they have just a photo or there are some who chose to make introductory videos, which really don’t do any of them favors. I think gone are the days of dealing with a sane logical reality-based therapist who for all intents and purposes is a “normal” person that can provide sound advice and guidance. It’s either that or maybe I’ve just flipped my lid and don’t realize it yet. But I seriously doubt it.
I had dinner out as planned, grabbed the mail and then came home. I hooked my car up to a battery charger overnight. The battery was less than 50% when I hooked it up but we got back to 100%. I’ve never left it on a charger overnight but modern cars all of the electronics, some of them run even after the engine is off and well that all takes juice.
I slept horrible last night. I killed sometime this morning before heading out for breakfast. I asked to sit in the cute waiter’s section. I figured I could apply a little pressure to see if he was serious about calling me or if he just said yes to be “nice”. Man, he fucked me really good when it came to the check. Everything was ala carte. I paid damn near $25 for a breakfast that shouldn’t have been more than $19. I did get to watch him walk around so I guess that’s a plus but still he was clothed it’s not like I went to a strip club. I don’t think he will ever call me but I’m still here and for some damn reason holding out a little hope, despite the obvious signs. It would be nice to even make a friend even if we don’t jump into bed or strike up a relationship.
I learned the grocery store is open normal hours on Monday so I will go then. I came home. Just tried to kill time and wait for the sugar effect of breakfast to kick in and put my ass to sleep. After I got in a nap, I went out to grab the mail, top off the tank and then to look at cats. One of the ones I had wanted is gone. There were a few that were very social and one that I felt a pretty strong connection with, she came up to the door and asked me to pet her. I stayed maybe 5 minutes if that. I wasn’t a sobbing mess and can at least look at a cat without completely falling apart. There are 2 kittens that are brothers I see on-line that I have interest in. However, they are kittens and they would get into every damn thing. There is a brother & sister that are bonded and have to be adopted together that I am also interested in. They are adults and I think they would do a good job of keeping each other company as well as being around me when I was home. While I really want to go down this road again, I think about the pain of the loss and the emotional bond that is created, I don’t know that I am quite ready yet. Don’t get me wrong I still wish I had my Gator but it feels odd to start over and make a new commitment. It’s kind of like I’ve got nothing holding me back but at the same time I’ve got nothing. Being completely alone is something that I don’t know that I can get used to. It’s nice on one hand but it sucks on the other hand.
When I got home and opted to stay home for the rest of the day, I hooked my vehicle back up to the charger just to be safe since the temperatures are going to drop again tonight. The charger said my battery was at 48% which I don’t know if that was right or not. I think either I’ve got a bad charger, need a new battery or a new voltage regulator. I made a call to a friend who makes his living working with automobiles and he said probably best to get a new battery. He can’t help me until Tuesday. I might be able to get into a local place on Monday. Not all businesses are closed on Monday.
I’m going to my friends tomorrow evening and I’ve got no reason to believe that the vehicle won’t get me there and back home. I do think once things warm up that the battery issue will probably level out or again, I’ve got a faulty charger. If I can get to the local place on Monday, I think I can at least have them look/test things out. The battery isn’t but a couple years old and it’s kind of uncommon for a battery to fail that new but then again me and my luck, it’s happened before. My late spouse had to buy a new battery every damn year, they all came from AutoZone or Advanced Auto Parts which I don’t think they sell the greatest batteries but he like me had an SUV and as it got older and sat outside all the time it drained both his and my wallets. Mine is in the garage and only 5 years old. His was more like 10 to 15 years old when his big issues hit.
Well, I am working on laundry, need to grab a bite to eat. Then more laundry and I’ll probably attend a church service virtually. No real plans other than I hope to get some quality sleep tonight. Way too much going on in my brain that keeps me awake. I need something a little stronger that has a bigger punch but not so big that it renders me useless and unable to attend Christmas Dinner. Cheers!
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