My co-worker called me pretty late last night, I honestly didn’t think he would call. He said that he has a tough time processing grief and his way to deal with it is to ignore it. He felt bad and apologized but didn’t really express much sympathy for my loss. I reminded him that since he started, we have gone through this a total of 3 times prior to this. First was Momma and then Marvin and then one of his dogs. He was there for me with my two losses and I was there for him with his loss and no surprise I did more for him and his wife than he’s done for me, not that I am keeping score or expecting payback. I was just looking for a little sympathy. He said that he liked the email that I sent it was well written and that I am for sure a “writer”. I’ve heard that one before. I am a published author. In short, he was embarrassed and didn’t blame me one bit for being upset with him. This for sure is an alarm bell and if I continue to ignore it then I will for sure get hurt again. There still is a rough patch and I don’t know that things will ever quite be the same. His reaction is kind of unforgivable. I of course had to try to make him feel guilty and told him that if he wasn’t such an ass that my plan all along was to drive to meet him. He started saying well let’s make that happen, he’s said shit like that before. I told him right now it’s too cold and the wrong time of year to meet up. Plus, if I saw him, I’d for sure kick him in the nuts at a minimum. I don’t know if our paths will ever cross in person but I am not pushing for that to happen. I’ve done a lot for this guy both personally and professionally and he owes me, problem is I will probably never ever be able to collect. It was a shitty investment for me to make. People can suck in all the wrong ways sometimes.
I’m not on-call but I got a work call last night as well. I was able to grab my new laptop and came to someone’s rescue all from the comfort of my bedroom. I think my laptop is faster than the one work purchased for me, I know the screen is much bigger and that helps me since my vision has decided to change ever since I turned 40. Funny thing is I always wanted glasses and now that I have them, I wish I didn’t need them. Kind of like when your younger you want to be older and when your older you want to be younger. Just never truly ever happy!
I had to pry myself away from my work last night I was still working and it was 6p, I had been sitting in the same chair since 7a. That makes for a long day. I am going to try not to do the same thing tonight but sometimes you just want to do one more thing and that leads to another and another pretty soon you find yourself with more time having gone by than you originally intended. With out my furry boss/alarm clock I’ve got no reminders and no true incentive to step away. This whole thing will be quite an adjustment.
Since I made it through day 1, I really want to call it quits now for the rest of the week. It’s really getting to me today. I didn’t sleep that well last night and I am tired today, kind of like ready for a nap. Breakfast didn’t set the best with me but it’s probably because I opted to drink afterwards as if I was going to the office when in fact, I am comfy in the basement again. It’s too cold outside to venture to some crummy office building. Snow is on the way for Thursday and that will make getting out on Friday fun. Hopefully, things aren’t horrible so that I can get to visit my friends and my therapist doesn’t cancel on me but anything is possible.
I’ve gotten a couple emails from Amazon and my calendars were scheduled to come tomorrow are arriving today. Some other items that I thought would ship by Amazon shipped by the post office so it could be anyone’s guess when they will arrive.
Well, it’s still pretty busy at work so I guess I will get back to it. Just wanted to take a quick break. Stay warm and be well.
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