Tired Thursday

As I suspected, I didn’t last long last night.  I was in bed by 10, which is a good thing.  Too bad I woke up at 5 and had to use the bathroom.  That stirred up the kids and they thought it was food time.  Except Jumper & Big Boy – they know me pretty well.  An hour later I was up and then it was really food time.

I don’t know what it is but I am so tired today.  I could just lay down and go to sleep.  That sounds better than eating lunch. 

Speaking of food, we have to work something out for tonight.  My partner has a catheter in and there is a very large collection pouch, so there is no way he can hide it.  He has a function to attend tonight but I think he will be staying home.  That is probably true for the weekend as well.  I guess it will be a take out weekend.  I thought of maybe picking up a pizza tonight, but I will probably have pizza for lunch tomorrow so now I have to think of something else. 

I did go shopping last night at Colorado Pen and picked up something for my partner.  They were offering free engraving of one line, so I took advantage of that.  No charge for shipping since the order was above $25.  It’s a good deal.  This will be his birthday present.  I told him he wouldn’t be getting anything due to finances.  I have had to pay more than a few bills for him and well I’m super dirt poor.  This won’t set me back much and I actually can afford it, so I figured why not.  He actually hates gifts – material possessions.  He would rather I save my money, yeah well we don’t always get what we want.

My fear of loosing him is getting stronger as he continues to get older.  His birthday will occur later this month and he’s not a spring chicken.  I have looked into term life insurance but they want so much money.  It would be like I was making two car payments.  Realistically I can’t afford it.  He has a small life policy from his employer but each year he gets older it dwindles.  There might be $3,000 there now.  That would pretty much be eaten up by funeral expenses.  My bigger worry is the house and paying the mortgage.  Now there is a payment I can’t cover.  If I had to sell the place, I would also have to break up the cat family.  I don’t want to do any of that.  I’d rather he just live until everything is paid for.  However, that is like sticking my head in the sand.  Realistically I would be in a financial crisis.  It’s like I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t.  No one can predict death and it’s something we are all going to have to face sooner or later (hopefully later, as in much later).  Trying to get ahead of the game and prepare for it is the ideal and smart thing to do. 

Suppose the shoe was on the other foot and I died.  They would take back my car.  There is enough money to pay off the one credit card I have.  I have no life insurance, not a penny.  So he would be totally lost – physically, emotionally and financially.  He could survive with the house.  The cats would be taken care of and probably eat a lot less food.  I can get an affordable term policy for myself but I feel it’s like throwing my money away.  I mean I’m young and unless I have a heart attack or an auto accident chances are pretty good that I will live for a while. 

Sorry for the gloom and doom but I just can’t stop thinking about this.  It’s like my worst nightmare and I know someday it will come true.  I will NEVER be prepared for it.  I think I am going to apply for something, even a small $20k policy would help.  Now the bigger question with his health will any insurance company insure him?  I don't know but I think I am going to find out.

So the machine is ready to box up and for me to take it to my car.  That is an after lunch project.  Like around 3 or 4ish.  I’ve got a machine a co-worker dropped off to look at, it’s a personal machine so I am not supposed to fiddle with it on company time, but if I don’t do that I will just be sitting here twiddling my thumbs.  All is quiet today.  When I leave tomorrow all hell will break loose and people will suddenly need me.  Ah, well I will survive.

Time for lunch and then my phone call home.  Ooh Ahh such an exciting life I lead.  Talk with you peeps later!