Where has my mind gone?

I started my morning off at Steak N Shake.  This is the 2nd time I have brought in the coupon for a Frisco or Patty Melt and wanted the Frisco but managed to fuck up and order the Patty Melt, not realizing what I have done until the food arrives.  I was a bit frazzled this morning because the guy I asked out was working but based on what I saw on the parking lot his car wasn’t there.  He’s nice to look at and all but I honestly would rather not see him now.  I think I heard him say something about a guy he was seeing, which was upsetting. 

Breakfast in general was a huge time suck.  I spent an hour and a half in there, most of the time waiting on my food.  Everything stayed down from the burger, fries to the chili mac and orange freeze.  My stomach is a little rocky at times but I feel pretty good.  That is except for this pain in my neck.  I was hoping not to start the week with it present but looks like I don’t have much say in the matter.  Hopefully it will be gone before the end of the week gets here. 

After breakfast it’s time for grocery shopping.  I managed to buy regular frozen White Castles and not the ones with Cheese.  I didn’t realize what I had done until I got home and was putting them away.  I should have went to the store yesterday to take advantage of the coupon for $20 off, but I’ve got my routine.  This week I have 2 boxes of sugar cereal to churn through instead of Oatmeal.  I’m kind of sick of Oatmeal, it does the trick and is better for me than the sugar cereal but the taste buds are calling for a change. 

Churned through my emails as best as I could.  Tomorrow will be a busy day but the advantage there is I will be busy and the time to come home will hit rapidly and that’s okay by me. 

So forward I march into the week ahead.  Hopefully, it will be a good one.  I am glad that we will be going into a new month.  April has been a fucking mess for me, I hope that the month of May will be more positive. 

I got my lab results and the Dr. won’t be happy.  My A1C has gone up instead of down, in fact I think I set a new all time high record.  Not exactly what I wanted to do but I am not surprised based on my eating habits.  Looks like I will have to start getting away from sugar and sweets a little bit more than I want to.  Sugar is to me what Alcohol is to an alcoholic.  Sad but true.  Well speaking of sugar I bought a fresh half gallon of vanilla ice cream, I hear it calling for me.  Looking forward to diving in. 

Hope that the world is treating you well.  Best wishes for the week ahead.  Thank you as always for stopping by.   

Back 2 Normal

I have had a little stomach pain off and on but over all I feel great and am back to normal.  Now since I spent so much time in bed my neck and shoulder are killing me.  Hopefully, that will resolve soon and then I will truly be back to normal. 

I had my left over Cracker Barrel for breakfast this morning.  Covered it with my plastic microwave cover to reheat it and somehow I got hot water all over my stomach when I removed the cover.  At least there was no doubt that the food was hot.  I wish that I had an extra biscuit.  Tasted just as good as it did yesterday. 

Lunch time I had the left over Olive Garden.  Then I placed a call to the haircut store and got an appointment for later in the afternoon.  Sat and watched TV while the dishwasher churned the dishes clean. 

Got my haircut and that always helps me feel a little bit better.  Stopped off at Target and they rearranged and remolded the entire store.  It will take time but eventually it will click where everything is.  Then I grabbed the mail, nothing terribly special in there just bills and an Out Magazine.  Then I picked up a few cans of cat food. 

I couldn’t believe the lady in front of me at the checkout she left home w/o her ID and/or a physical credit card.  She asked if the store took Apple Pay.  The cashier said if you can get it to work with the terminal then yes we take Apple Pay.  Turns out she needed a security code to access it so that didn’t work.  She asked if they would take a credit card over the phone.  The cashier said if you can get that to work with the terminal then yes we will take a credit card over the phone.  Eventually they voided the sale as the lady called someone to try to help her.  The lady was oriental and the cashier was not hip and not paying attention.  If it was just food or something small I would have picked up the tab to get her out of my way but she had a large crate and a bunch of toys her total was much higher than mine. 

Then off to get gas, I was running on a tank with 10 miles left.  Turns out when you get to 30 miles of fuel a chime goes off and the light comes on the dash.  Then as you continue to drive and disregard the light it comes back as the miles decrease.  Then every time you start up the light comes back on.  The color of the gauge also changes from white to yellow/orange.  Kind of neat and I don’t plan on seeing that again for a while.  I have noticed that my monthly spending on gas has gone down.  Even though a tank doesn’t last long it appears the mileage is improving and it’s not drinking so heavily, which is a good thing. 

Finally I was able to come home, even though I wanted to grab something to eat, I passed and had an ice cream cone at home with some soda and then a bottle of water. 

I moved my Echo Dot to my room and have been having fun with it.  I am keeping it on full time and I am eventually getting a 2nd one for my office, if it’s not essential I like refurbished.  It will be around $34 so not terrible.  It’s on my shopping list but I take my sweet time to make those purchased.  My need to place an order has gone down.  I hear the price of Prime is going up and you can’t renew for the lower price by buying in advance.  So if your thinking about a Prime membership buy now before the new price goes into effect within the next couple months. 

Had fun changing passwords on my various accounts.  Got a bunch of emails and text alerts because of that but this was a long over due task.  Found out that Walgreens now has 2 Factor Authentication.  It’s outdated as they use text messaging which isn’t secure but it’s better than nothing. 

I really enjoy the commercial for the new all Red iPhone 8.  I’d love one but not going down that road.  I still am paying off my present phone and there are far too many other things that I can spend my money on.  Perhaps eventually I’ll get one but for now I’ll keep my 7 with a Red Mophie Case.  Mophie donates to AIDS research like Apple is going to with the Red iPhone. 

Tomorrow will start with breakfast and I will be having a burger and chili, so hopefully nothing goes wrong.  Perhaps a milk shake as well.  Then off to the grocery store and then I will be home for the day.  Plenty of laundry and cleaning to do here.  Things that I would have otherwise done on Friday but considering how I felt Sunday will be a catchup day. 

Funny how all of this came together.  I don’t ever want any type of food poisoning again.  We don’t always get what we want.  I’m glad the bounce back was quick and that I had the time scheduled off, even though it wasn’t how I wanted to spend it.  At least I will be able to say I am well rested and relaxed.  Not sure how long that feeling will last, probably all of 5 minutes.   

Oh, best part is I paid bills today.  Payday is Monday but the deposit is pending so I knew how much I was getting.  Still have money left over and if I continue to be careful I should be okay.  I’m very interested in how much of a raise I will be getting this year, hopefully it will make me even more comfortable. 

There has been a lot of cruel and painful things happen to me in my lifetime but I also have my fair share of good things.  I like what I drive now and am feeling quite comfy.  Just wish I had more money and less expenses, then again I think that is the desire of everyone. 

Not looking forward to going back on Monday.  I have to tame my work email tomorrow and that won’t be a fun task but I am sure there will be a fair amount of bullshit that I won’t need to read and can hit delete on.  I love doing that.  Not on-call so that is good.  Here’s hoping that it will be a great week ahead.  Cats are all doing well.  Marv is still crying and chatty, but he is eating & drinking so I suppose he just misses his brother and wants me to know it.  I miss the big guy as well.  I just wish I could explain things with the certainty that Marv would understand.  Unlike his brother, he doesn’t think he is human.  Cheers!

Death Warmed Over

I made it home last night but had my doubts if that would actually happen.  Once I walked in the door I fed the cats, put away the uneaten part of my lunch and then promptly went to bed.  I was so cold and it was nice to be under the covers.  It’s wasn’t long before the cries and meows started from the children.  I didn’t want to do anything but sleep.  I was nauseated and at the same time exhausted. 

I am getting back to normal but am still gun shy about eating.  So far today I had a peanut butter chocolate cookie bar, a small sub sandwich and for supper chicken noodle soup.  Then I got brave and had an ice cream cone.  My stomach is still doing the herkie jerky but I just took my evening pills.  I also threw in a muscle relaxer because my neck is absolutely killing me.  It hurts sitting up, it hurts laying down, it just hurts. 

I managed to get a shower this afternoon and make it to the doctor.  He said that it was likely a short term dose of food poisoning that is working it’s way out of me.  He just had to push on my stomach but it didn’t hurt at all, that is until I sat and was miles down the road from his office.  I also discovered that I have an umbilical hernia.  I never knew that.  Thankfully the hole is small so there is no danger and that’s why I never knew it was there.  If my belly button becomes enlarged or there is a sudden onset of pain that’s when it’s time to get medical help because surgery will be needed.  Ah the joys of young old age. 

On my way home I was feeling pretty good.  I talked myself in to and out of stopping at Olive Garden for soup.  Then I thought of other places but opted to just come straight home. 

I laid down on the couch and watch TV.  I had enough after an hour and decided it was time for a nap.  That’s when I saw the police show up.  We had 3 cars in front of my house and then the ambulance came.  All of the action was across the street at my awful neighbors house.  The story I got through the window was that the teenage girl didn’t feel well.  Yeah but the cops don’t come when you call for an ambulance in this town.  This had to be a suicide attempt.  She walked out on her own accord embraced a friend and cried for a bit.  The paramedics pried her from her friend and into the ambulance she went.  Now in my family that’s when someone would be getting into a car and ready to follow the ambulance.  Not this family, no one went to the hospital.  I remember this teenager when she was first born, it’s kind of sad.  I am so glad they put their house up for sale.  Shame no one has offered them anything for it.  They want a lot of money but eventually someone will give in that’s just the way it works. 

Finally I setup my Echo Dot.  Turns out it’s got a speaker in it, which is kind of nice.  It’s a nifty gadget and now I am on the fence if I am going to leave it hooked up full time. 

I really want to hit up the Breakfast Buffet tomorrow but I am not sure that will be the smartest move on my part.  I think instead I will have my blood drawn and visit a local restaurant for breakfast.  I will be closer to home, saving time and gas.  However, the drive would be nice.  It kind of depends upon how I feel when I wake up  I can always do the blood draw on Saturday.

My body is exhausted and since I didn’t time on the toilet or vomit I am perplexed as to why I feel so tired.  My head pounds from time to time, probably the rocks clashing together.  I just want to at least feel back to normal. 

I will be dealing with the cable company tomorrow for sure.  Here’s hoping at least that goes well and that I am truly on the mend. 

Nauseated

I woke up not feeling well.  Still I managed to put one foot in front of the other and muddled my way to work.  If I didn’t have the rest of the week scheduled off, I would have called in today for sure.  Once I arrived things got progressively worse.  Eventually I wound up in the bathroom and figured that the problem had sorted it’s self out.  Not so.  I am still feeling bad I really don’t want to open my mouth much because I am scared that I am going to hurl.  I don’t want to do that in my vehicle, so hopefully I make it home. 

Thankful that I am going to the doctor tomorrow.  Lunch was a few Cheetos, a Diet Soda and some sugar free Peaches.  I don’t know that I am going to eat supper.  Once I make it home and take care of the cats, my plan is to collapse.  I really don’t care about anything at this point.  Just want to get into my bed. 

I did walk into a nice surprise this morning.  We got Amazon Echo Dot’s as our Employee Appreciation Gift this year.  They spent a lot of money.  I personally would have rather had the cash.  I am interested to play with the Echo but don’t know that I will leave it connected full time.  It’s a giant microphone and not to sound paranoid but it’s a spy device.  I don’t know that I want Amazon hearing me watch porn, orgasm, snore, talk to my cats or talk to myself.  I think it’s a great concept it just needs some fine tuning from a security perspective.  My colleagues agree with me.

I work with our building for access cards.  The person I work with told me to copy someone in their office.  It’s a guy and he’s a secretary.  Naturally I serotyped and figured he was gay.  Guess what, I was right.  He’s beautiful and is engaged.  From what I saw on-line I really would like to jump his bones.  There I go again chasing a young guy.  He’s got to be 21 or maybe 22 if that.  What can I say I like younger guys, doesn’t mean that I will get to have one. 

Speaking of which I confirmed on-line today for my doctors appointment tomorrow.  They asked about the gender of my sexual partners and if I am sexually active.  I wish I was but I don’t think wanking it counts as sexually active.  I thought it was a little amusing.  My doctor knows all about me and my history.  I think if I would have put down yes for active he would have rolled over in his chair.  Maybe someday I will be that lucky again, until then there is porn. 

So now were approaching the last 1/2 hour of the day and then I will venture home.  Here’s hoping it’s a safe an uneventful ride.  I think this might be a mild touch of food poisoning.  All I know is I need to feel better otherwise I will never make the buffet on Friday. 

Therapy

The therapy session that I was dreading actually went pretty well.  I found it kind of annoying that I was supposed to have 30 minutes, the guy calls 15 minutes late and then we talked for 16 minutes and suddenly we are out of time.  Fuck me, glad I don’t have to pay for this.  I didn’t schedule any follow-up.  I did a knee jerk reaction and jumped into this fresh after I lost Big Boy.  Now that time has lapsed and the reality has sunk in, I am doing much better. 

Don’t misunderstand me, I still miss him and my heart will forever ache but the decision I made isn’t reversible, so there is no choice but to keep moving forward.  I have to be strong to take care of the rest of his family. 

My only concern right now is with Marv, he is just a chatty fellow and still does his crying.  I am headed up to watch TV and spend the bulk of my short evening with the furry family.  I always enjoy time with them.  You just never know, tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. 

Last night there wasn’t anything on so I found Delirious the movie on Encore.  It stars John Candy.  I got more than a couple laughs it was a great way to unwind from Monday.  Once I made it to my room last night I was exhausted and got a very good nights sleep.

Here’s hoping for another great night!

Robot Fail

So the Trim robot failed.  They tried multiple times to work with my cable company but were unable to get me a discount.  So I am on to phase II of my plan.  Friday is the day, I hope that the moon & the stars align.

This afternoon I have my 2nd therapy session where I get to read my letter to Big Boy.  I’ve actually gone over it a few times with a fine tooth comb and there are some teary moments but for the most part I can get through it okay.  I think that today it might be a little rough, but the horrible pain that I felt after his passing is pretty well gone.  Meal time is no longer an issue but I do still think of him several times throughout the day.  Lets face it he was a large part of my life for 14 years and it’s not like I can wake up and just forget him. 

Yesterday I submitted my self-review.  I love how I planned it out and had this elaborate review only to find out that I was limited on characters and had to scrap the bulk of it.  I did complain about how it’s not fair that I am leading a senior level person and essentially doing his job but I am at a junior level.  I flat out stated that my pay needed to be seriously adjusted as this is grossly unfair to me.  However, I am thankful that I have a job.  I know that HR will look at the review so if they aren’t already aware of problems on my team this was my way of exposing them and speaking up.  I’m not sure if there will be negative consequences for me but hopefully it gets me a serious pay bump which is part of what I am after.  The other part is to either demote the senior level guy or kick his ass out.  This has gone on for far too long and it needs to come to an abrupt end. 

I got a message yesterday from my first boss that she is out on leave until further notice.  She is battling cancer.  Her doctors get things under control, she goes into remission or is cancer free and then a few months later it pops up again.  It’s been a very rocky road for her and there has been at least 1 close call.  I have a sinking feeling that she might not bounce back from this.  I hope I am wrong.  She is a great person and I am very grateful to her for hiring me. 

That’s life, it’s always moving forward regardless if you want it to or not.  So pressing on with Tuesday which is actually my Thursday.  Hope it’s a great day for everyone. 

Short week ahead

3 days this week.  Thursday I go see the doctor and hopefully Friday I will get to tackle the breakfast buffet that I have been longing to try for years. 

The pain from losing my dear sweet big boy is lessening.  I had to put the final touches on my good bye letter that I will be reading on Tuesday and that was quite emotional. 

I got the call yesterday and went to pick up his cremains.  Turns out he was 14 years old and not 13 like I had thought.  Given his health I think that was a pretty good run.  Don’t get me wrong I would certainly have been happier if there were many more years ahead.  I asked the lady at the vets office how can I really be sure that this is him.  That’s when she told me, you should have said something the company that they contract with would let you come watch so you would be assured you were getting him back.  Yeah that would be more than a bit traumatic than watching him die.  I am barley able to keep it together from that.

The whole thing plays on an endless loop in my mind several times during the course of a day.  My regret is that this was rushed and over with way too soon.  I don’t feel like I spent enough time with him prior to and afterwards. 

Tuesday I was reading and found out that my last aunt on my grandfathers side passed away.  I know she would be considered a great aunt but since we were raised by our grandparents I consider her an aunt.  In any case she was 98 years old.  I figure her and Barbra Bush both had a great run.  If I can only live to be 98 years old, that would give me 52 more years which is a hell of a long time.  Think of all of the change both of them saw during their lifetime from presidents to inflation and the great depression.  Plus they saw technology boom.  When I think about it I am kind of sad that I won’t be around for the year 3000, I really think that life will be something by then.  I do hope that death is done with me for a while, like years and years.  I don’t want to have to endure anymore anytime soon. 

Marv is still crying at random and it breaks my heart.  Part of me thinks he might be in pain because he is walking funny but then again he has always walked funny.  He spent the majority of today in my bed, which is par for the course.  I made the most of that and spent as much time as I could with him.  Once I broke out the vacuum all bets were off and he was ready to bolt.  Despite the fact that he was tucked securely away in my room with the door closed and the noisy sucking machine wouldn’t come anywhere in his proximity.  Once I opened the door he had to run to the basement. 

I am still dealing with depression not only from the recent loss of my dear sweet boy but also from losing my spouse 5 short years ago.  There are good times and there are bad times.  Usually if I am busy or occupied my mind has no time to wonder so I embrace working and keeping busy but there honestly isn’t enough tasks in the average work day to keep me that busy.  I know that is going to change soon and then I will be wishing for a break, so I enjoy my down time now as much as I can even though it’s uncomfortable. 

The ants are still around but I did spray my bathroom heavily and I also did some spot treatment in the dining area and kitchen where the kids food is.  Hopefully that will hold them at bay for a while.  Winter is the best from a pest season because there is nothing and I mean nothing in the house.  You don’t have to worry about fly's, bees, wasps, gnats, etc.  Once the season changes look out they are coming. 

Today was the first time in 2 weeks that I went back to my normal routine.  I like normal and routine they fit so well together for me.  So I am ready as I will ever be to tackle the next 3 days.  Then I’ve got an extended weekend to look forward to which will be nice.  Hopefully I can accomplish quite a bit and enjoy myself. 

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods and that life is being very fair to you.  I look forward to talking with you again soon.  Thanks for stopping by. 

Price Negotiator

I got my internet bill and was informed that my promotional period ends next month.  My bill will jump $20 per month.  There are no data caps and the speed is decent considering I use cable internet.  However, I have been able to keep this $20 price hike at bay for 2 years, which I think is pretty good. 

I picked up the phone yesterday not having good vibes about it and called.  I was told no by a rep and a supervisor.  There are no other deals available.  Yeah okay so I found out when the new price goes into effect and that’s later in the month of May.  So I have time. 

I have no plans to actually cancel at this point.  I would be required to change email addresses and considering this monopoly I am probably going to do that anyway.  I own a few domains and so long as I pay my bill each year the domain and internet mail are mine. 

I tried using a bot to negotiate service but even the bot got turned down.  Those services might appear to be free but they take anywhere from 20% to 40% of what they save you and charge that to a credit card.  It’s a small price to pay if they really are able to save you big bucks.  I figured it out and for me considering if they got the same deal that I have right now that would be like $50, which is well worth it to save time on the phone trying to debate the issue. 

If I had another person living here, I would cancel and then get internet in that persons name.  They would be a new customer and entitled to promotional price. 

What I find discouraging is they tell me that the only way they can lower the price is if I add on services.  Now if I add on services that makes my bill go up and not down.  The whole purpose of my call is to lower my bill.  I’d be happy to add as much service as they wanted so long as it didn’t make my bill go up.  I only have so much money and $20 won’t break me but I may have to give something else up in order to accommodate for it. 

Where I am at.  The bot says it will try again soon.  My plan is to call on Friday and plead my case again.  Statistics show that people are more willing to work with you or do you a favor if you ask them on a Friday.  They are likely in a good mood and more willing to accommodate.  If I get no where, then my plan is to suck it up for a month.  Then call back and plead my case again.  Sometimes if you pay for a full month of service at the regular price there is magically a deal available.  Funny how that works. 

I don’t like negotiating, price your service or goods fair and help me to not feel like I am taking it up the ass without lube and I am more likely to pay you.  I’m never late and have paid faithfully for years and just recently enrolled in automatic payment so they charge my credit card. 

They want to keep me as a customer but they want me to pay full price, which I feel is outrageous.  They have a monopoly in that no one in the area offers greater speed.  I could switch to AT&T but they have data caps and that is not something that I want to tangle with.  Chances are that I probably wouldn’t go over but I like the freedom of not having a data cap and having to fear that my bill will be larger than I plan on. 

The other trick I learned from on-line surfing is that if you can go a month without internet and actually cancel service.  The cable company will welcome you back and consider you a new customer.  You have to go turn in your equipment and have no service for 30 full days.  With my job that wouldn’t be feasible, plus all of the streaming I do there is just no way I could go 30 days. 

Here’s hoping that my Friday plan works and that I can put an end to this.  They don’t have contracts which is a selling point but I am going to ask if I commit to a contract if they would guarantee their price that could be a way to lock them in.  I am not big on contracts but 1 or 2 years goes by really fast and there is usually an escape clause that allows you to separate if you pay a fee. 

Next year I will get to go back to negotiating my home phone & TV, which I really don’t look forward to. 

Making it

It’s been a rough week.  I encountered some issues on Friday with my sleeping medicine and trying to get it refilled.  It was a mess.  I wound up having to call the after hours exchange on Saturday to get my medicine refilled.  I was anticipating another confrontation but actually it was a smooth and quick phone call.  I have 30 days of medicine and I see my doc in the next 2 weeks.  Hopefully, we will be able to get this sorted out. 

Saturday proved to be a rough day.  I got busy and tried to stay busy but eventually I wore myself out.  I opted to call our EAP and got setup with counseling via phone.  I get 6 sessions and it’s totally free.  I’m not 100% please with my therapist but I think we are on the road to recovery.  He told me to start looking for a new house, volunteer at an organization to meet people and perhaps I will be able to get a man that way.  As for my loss of Big Boy write him a letter.  You know that was very helpful with my late spouse but I feel funny writing a letter to an animal who if he received it would be unable to read and/or understand it.  I get why he said to write it and I have a draft saved.  I will make some changes before I settle for the final draft.  Then I get to read it to him when we talk again.  My plan is after that session I will probably stop.  I am inclined to cancel now but I don’t want to rush anything. 

So things at home are okay.  Marv has begun to realize more about his brother and now I find him hanging out in spots where his brother used to be.  This morning for example he was on the couch and rather than make him move, I fed him on the couch.  He really liked that.  I get it he’s grieving and he misses his sibling probably just as much as I do, if not more.  I told him were in this together and were going to be fine.  The girls are unaffected but Momma and Gator are glued to me. 

Yesterday I went on ant patrol.  I broke out the vacuum and moved furniture, put down some more spray.  Friday night when I got home they were all over the dry food so I had to pitch it.  I wasn’t terribly pleased.  The feeder it’s self had to be washed and there were ants everywhere.  I got to the point where I thought they were on me and I did have one or two but my skin was crawling.  I rinsed out the water fountain for good measure.  When I was done and went to empty the vacuum cleaner there was enough fur in there to nit a sweater for 2 hamsters.  The ants are still in my bathroom but we had a cold snap so they have diminished, I am sure as the weather warms they will return.  I am out of steam but I think next weekend it will be ant patrol in my bathroom.  If nothing else it will be a decent spring cleaning. 

I did my weekend chores backwards.  I went to the store on Saturday because I had a great coupon but didn’t spend enough to take advantage of it.  I was going to go back out and just make a day of running on Saturday.  However, the therapist suggested that on Sunday I go to the movies.  Yeah okay.  I instead opted to stay busy by shopping.  I had a great amount of money left over from payday.  I could have easily paid for Big Boy’s funeral but opted instead to bankroll the money.  That is until I made my way through Sam’s this morning.  I got a couple extra things that were minor but the real gotcha was my membership was coming due.  Long story short I dropped $200.  Then factor in breakfast, cat food shopping and filling up the tank.  Yeah bye bye money.  I’ve got enough to scrape by the next couple weeks for groceries and cat food, plus a couple of trips out to eat. 

A fun project I decided to do is organize my photos of the kids and put them all in the cloud.  I have a couple different sources but for this I used Amazon Drive, since I am a prime member I get unlimited photo storage.  Video storage is limited to 5GB, I am rapidly on top of that limit so I paid for more storage.  The bulk of the project is done, there are some minor touch ups but now I can open my phone and pick an album and my kids are all there.  I even have photos of them as kittens.  Hard to believe they were that small.  I got to go back in time and reminisce it was kind of fun. 

So there you have it.  I am better than I was last week at this time but I am not over it yet.  I did stop in at the vets and inquire about his cremains but they aren’t back yet.  Hopefully they will be there this week.  Even though I know he is gone I want them back as quickly as possible so he can be in his final resting place, that is until I decide to move, which will be years down the road.  I’m looking at houses but it’s all just a dream.  Sort of like looking at automobiles.  You can dream but making the final decision is another thing. 

I will be on-call next week and it’s been busy this weekend.  While I can use the money I hope that it’s not jumping next week.  15 minutes here or there a couple times during the week is okay.  15 or 20 minutes over the weekend is okay as well. 

My back is in knots again so there could be a massage in my future but only time will tell.  I hope things are going better in your world and that the sun is shining and the temperatures are warming up. 

Thanks for stopping by, it does mean the world to me knowing that someone is reading this. 

Second Guessing

So I did some research and found out that Basal Cell Tumors in cats are often not malignant but they are painful.  They need to be surgically removed.  I’m thinking the vet finally bamboozled me into letting him go.  However, I will never know.  I have to think that he had cancer at the rate these tumors starting popping up.  It doesn’t matter now if he did or if he didn’t have cancer I took irreversible action and there is no getting him back now.  So I have to accept and pray that I made the right call.  I know that I provided him the best life that he could have possibly had on this earth and that the medical team that took care of him wrote him off several times but my wallet and his fight kept him going.  It was a good but very short 13 year run. 

Marv is having a little issue with his brother being gone but for the most part he is okay.  No one is sleeping with me.  Momma and Gator want to but I kick them out.  I really want Marv and hopefully over the weekend I will get my chance.  He does take over my bed on the weekends. 

The evenings have been very normal and routine like but I limit the time I spent on the computer, it’s short and sweet.  I want to get upstairs and spend as much time with the family as possible.  I know most of them enjoy it. 

The only other thing that is different is no one is using the litter box in the basement.  That was only used by Momma and Ruth.  Bear gave on up steps years ago as well as using litter boxes.   So I don’t quite know what to make of it. 

I made it back to work on Tuesday it was hard but that for sure was the best thing for me.  Now our weather is changing to be more Spring like and my allergies are killing me.  I am doped up on meds and all I want to do is go back to sleep.  I will try to make it, there isn’t much pressing today but tomorrow there are several things popping. 

The weekend I am sure will prove odd and difficult but I will keep on going.  The crying is pretty well done but I am sure there will still be those moments.  I miss the big guy, life is certainly not the same without him but I will try to get used to it as best as I can.  Once again a ‘new’ normal to adjust to.