Second Guessing

So I did some research and found out that Basal Cell Tumors in cats are often not malignant but they are painful.  They need to be surgically removed.  I’m thinking the vet finally bamboozled me into letting him go.  However, I will never know.  I have to think that he had cancer at the rate these tumors starting popping up.  It doesn’t matter now if he did or if he didn’t have cancer I took irreversible action and there is no getting him back now.  So I have to accept and pray that I made the right call.  I know that I provided him the best life that he could have possibly had on this earth and that the medical team that took care of him wrote him off several times but my wallet and his fight kept him going.  It was a good but very short 13 year run. 

Marv is having a little issue with his brother being gone but for the most part he is okay.  No one is sleeping with me.  Momma and Gator want to but I kick them out.  I really want Marv and hopefully over the weekend I will get my chance.  He does take over my bed on the weekends. 

The evenings have been very normal and routine like but I limit the time I spent on the computer, it’s short and sweet.  I want to get upstairs and spend as much time with the family as possible.  I know most of them enjoy it. 

The only other thing that is different is no one is using the litter box in the basement.  That was only used by Momma and Ruth.  Bear gave on up steps years ago as well as using litter boxes.   So I don’t quite know what to make of it. 

I made it back to work on Tuesday it was hard but that for sure was the best thing for me.  Now our weather is changing to be more Spring like and my allergies are killing me.  I am doped up on meds and all I want to do is go back to sleep.  I will try to make it, there isn’t much pressing today but tomorrow there are several things popping. 

The weekend I am sure will prove odd and difficult but I will keep on going.  The crying is pretty well done but I am sure there will still be those moments.  I miss the big guy, life is certainly not the same without him but I will try to get used to it as best as I can.  Once again a ‘new’ normal to adjust to.