This morning I went to Cracker Barrel and saw my crush. I sent him a text message while I was there letting him know that I was still available and that he looked really good. He’s apparently come out of his shell a bit more and now has painted his nails. He also wore some Levi’s that were quite flattering for his amazing ass. Fuck, I’ve got it bad for this guy. The heart wants what the heart wants and there is no stopping it. I figured one last try. When he came to deliver my bill I asked him if his butt was vibrating. He said yeah a while ago, then he put it together, oh you sent me a message. He said it would be a bit before he could read it. They were really busy.
Much to my surprise he texted back a Thank You but he dodged the question about getting together. So I sent back a much more direct message letting him know that I’d like to get to know him better. It’s been radio silence and the message has been left unread. I don’t think I’m getting a response and so it’s a hard no just he’s not man enough to say it.
I realize I am chasing him and that I shouldn’t do that but again it goes back to the fact that I have it bad for him. I love Cracker Barrel’s food but I avoid going there just because there is the possibility of running into him. He’s caused me a lot of pain and sent some mixed signals. Well, unless he manages to text me back I’m never going to that Cracker Barrel again so I won’t run into him. He lives in the area but our paths have never ever crossed anywhere but the restaurant.
Rejection is a tough pill to swallow but it’s a part of life. You don’t always get what you want, regardless of what it is.
When I left the restaurant I was feeling pretty good, so good that I drove to a dealership to test drive a vehicle. I pulled over to check their hours before I made the trip down there. The web said they were open. However, when I arrived there were people inside but the sign on the door said they didn’t open for another half hour. It was cold out and no way was I waiting a half hour. I took it as an omen, keep what you have for now. The real only reason that I’d like to make a move now is because of special 0% financing. That’s not as common as it was years ago. However, I honestly don’t want to jump back into car payments. The plan today if it had materialized was just for a test drive. If I liked it then I would have talked a bit more, found out what bureau I needed to thaw my credit on and would have confirmed that 0% was still available. You can’t go any lower than 0%. However, it just wasn’t meant to be for now.
I came home and started in on things I wanted to accomplish. The dishes needed to be unloaded from the dishwasher and a new load was waiting to get loaded. Took care of that. Then on to the cat’s water fountain, they made a mess of things and it was time to clean it and change the filter as well as add fresh water. Knocked that out. Next it was on to a hallway closet that was full of mostly shampoo and conditioner plus a few other things. I cleaned that out so much so that I have an entire empty shelf. I was quite proud of my accomplishments. By now I was sweating and just wanted to rest.
Watched TV in the living room with the cats. Until I got sleepy like an hour later. Then went to my room to lay down in the hopes of taking a nap. Well Mora kept me company for a bit and then she left and Rudy came in. He started making biscuits, it was time for lunch. I got up and served lunch. He ate a little bit but was quick to follow me back to bed. I got on a Swedish Massager that I have, it hurt and felt good at the same time. Watched more TV and tried to take a nap but my mind went off thinking about how I set myself up to get my heart stomped. I felt quite alone, despite having a cat in bed with me. Realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep, I watched TV. Rudy got comfy and managed to drift off.
I started thinking of what I wanted to do with the rest of the day. I checked off visiting the cemetery to see my grandparents grave. I knew the area where it was but didn’t remember exactly where they were it took me a few minutes to find them but I wasn’t leaving until I did find them. Their headstone needs some work. It’s been hit by a mower and the vase for flowers seems to be missing. I knew I was going to cry which is partially why I have avoided visiting for so long. I talked to them as if they could hear me. Then left. Off to try a new restaurant. It wasn’t easy to find but I got there and the food wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t anything special either. I probably won’t be back but might give them a second chance if the mood strikes me.
Got the mail, drove around the neighborhood to see who has decorated their house for the holidays. We have a few but it’s nothing spectacular. Surprised my neighbor didn’t lite up his house like he usually does. I do have one neighbor across from me that just put lights on a couple of his bushes and one of them is quite phallic looking. Maybe it’s my dirty mind or the fact that I think about dick often, but seriously it looks phallic to me.
Working on laundry, going to try to knock out some work tasks and catch up a little bit. Then it will be porn surfing time and eventually time for bed.
Already plotted and planned out my breakfast. Still thinking of visiting the buffet but also have an alternate idea, if I decide to not go on that far of a drive. I still have another week ahead of me and I do plan to enjoy myself.
Still feel lonely and hurt, hopeful (but not really) that he will text something positive back. I kind of think that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life and it will just be nothing but fantasy and porn for my sex life. The upside of that is I can’t get any STI’s or STD’s. The downside is no human contact and nothing beats the real thing! I really want to have sex again but more than that I want a companion, someone to talk to as well as listen to. I don’t think my expectations are unreasonable. I’ve heard everything from your trying to find love too hard to you need to get on a dating app. Well clearly not looking and jumping on dating apps yield the same results. It’s kind of like playing the lottery your chances are the same regardless if you buy a ticket or not. Yeah you might be really lucky and actually win if you get a ticket but the odds clearly aren’t in your favor, that’s kind of how I feel about the search for a man.
That’s it for now. Time to head up to pass out treats for the cats and then it’s virtually off to the office for me.
Hope you had a great day!
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