Busy Day

Here we are at the end of the day.  It's been very busy and I just now actually have a moment to myself before I head out.  So the big day is tomorrow.  I am going to start cleaning tonight, the children won't know why but they will soon figure it out.  Shy Girl is eating on her schedule but she is eating, so that is a good thing.  Something bit her on the back of the neck and she doesn't like me to touch it.  

Last night I worked on my home pc some more, still not quite there yet.  I am having some issues with Outlook but hope to resolve them and get the machine finished up over the weekend.  Despite being worked to death at work and home, I managed to wake up at 2am and I didn't get back to sleep until 4am.  I watched the 1st episode of Season 2 of Alpha House.  I will be binge watching it this weekend, as much as I can.  

Got to get up early tomorrow so that I can get to the bank for the cashier's check.  I am not too happy about it but I have never heard of a loan with no closing costs or where the cost is baked in, so it sounded too good to be true.  This is a start of things stepping in the right direction.  If the payment gets too much or rates drop, I can always re-fi again.  I am just very nervous about the whole thing, but I am pretty certain it will be okay.  It's just now that responsibility will offically be on my shoulders, it's been there all along but the weight didn't quite seem as heavy until my name goes on the title.

Well I am posting this and wrapping things up.  I've done quite a bit of overtime this week and am very thankful and greatful to have Monday off.  Hopefully, the next post will be from my new home pc.  

Hope you all have a nice weekend.  Talk with you peeps later.  

Closing

I didn't know why but I felt drawn to Office Max to buy my pc.  Turns out we have a Office Depot & Max.  Since they merged we will only have Office Max, so the Depot is closing and they are having a moving sale.  They were practically giving merchandise away.  I got a new desktop last night for $600 including taxes.  They tried to sell me a warranty but I declined.  So now I am on Windows 8.1 and I hate it like everyone else.  I will purchase an overlay or download a free one.  I have begun the setup process - it's up and running.  I even have my old hard drive attached and as I suspected data is all in tact.  

So I get home pop in some White Castle to the Microwave and the phone rings.  I have been getting election calls like crazy but I answered this one.  Turns out it was the Loan Officer and he told me that we are good to close.  Once again things have changed.  I will get to skip my November payment but will have to make a December Payment.  I am still saving $500 per month, which is a good thing.  The interest rate is 4.25% which is pretty common these days.  He needs some additional documentation from me, but of course with my PC down it's going to take me a bit.  Then he hit me with what I dreaded cash to close.  Holy crap.  I hate parting with money.  I need a little over $1,300 to close.  So thankfully I have held on to my savings and will be able to make this happen.  We close on Saturday at 11am.  That will give me time to get to the bank to get a cashiers check, which is required.  Makee sure the carpet is clean, might be wet but at least it will be clean.  Tidy up the house a wee bit.  I mean the deal is done so it really doesn't matter what the house looks like.  Plus I will be able to grab a couple of my favorite pens to sign my life away.

I am very nervous about doing this, but I know it's the right thing to do so that the muffins and I can stay there.  Plus I will get away from the present lender and my name will be on the loan and the house will oficially be mine.  Given the fact that negative seems to follow me, that is a big reason why I am nervous plus I am commiting to a 30 year loan - who knows if I will live that long?  I just pray this all works out for the greater good.

Since I have so much going, I took off Monday which oddly is also my late partners birthday.  I would like to take care of getting a new vehicle as well but I think I am going to put that off.  That is an awful lot of change and right now my brain is going haywire -- no partner -- dead cat -- dead computer and now a house in my name.  Woah!  Slow down, save a little make sure that this all comes together and then maybe I will be able to take care of the car.  I don't know what the home loan will do to my FICO score, when I took out the line of credit for BLU it killed my score and I lost like 20 points.  Not happy about that but I figure in time I will be able to recover.  Plus with a lower house payment that line of credit will be paid for in no time.

I hope that Lawn Boy shows up over the weekend to trim the bushes, they are really bushy.  Then all I have to do is pray nothing else goes wrong.  I do have a toilet to fix, just a flapper to replace ... how hard can that be?  Good question, I will find out soon enough.

Lots going on here at work and I am taking a short lunch.  Plenty to do.  Looking forward to getting home on Friday night so I can start the weekend.  Meanwhile I just have to try to stay out of trouble.  Talk with you peeps later.  

Death Again

Yup, last night my pc died.  The system was slow and very sluggish.  I restarted and heard the fateful click, click from the hard drive and I knew it was over with.  I have had that machine for at least 7 if not 10 years.  So it's lived a good long life.  My late partner had a replica of it, but he got his first.  So it wouldn't be prudent to use his because there is nothing saing that in a few weeks to whenever that the same thing wouldn't happen again.  

I am not very happy about having to replace it.  I mean the replacement part is fine just as long as it doesn't come with an expense part.  However, I don't know how to get a pc for free, so tonight I am going shopping.  It's essential that I have something at home so that I can get on-line and work from home if needed.  Thankfully my on-call week was last week or I would have been in a real pickle.  I would have had to come back to the office, check out a laptop and then go back home.  So yes it can always be worse.

The other thing I am not happy about is that I will be leaving behind Windows 7 and that to me is HUGE.  My data is all backed up safely online thanks to my Crashplan subscription.  It is more of the fact that this is very ill timed.  Setting up Windows 8 will surley not be a fun experience but I know I can do it.  Then I get the fun task of looking up key codes, serial numbers, locating media, etc.  It's like I need a day just to get my digital life back on track.  I actually thought about taking vacation but there is much brewing for the rest of the week, I think it would be a bad idea.  

My plan is to buy the machine tonight, get it home and unboxed, hooked up and at least get it to the desktop.  Install Anti-Virus Software and probably call it a night.  Yeah, well if I get that far I will want to keep going.  I am also buying a hard drive enclosure, so that I can transfer data from the old drive.  It's just a sector that has the OS on it for booting that is bad.  I believe the rest of the disk is good.

There is a program that can attempt to fix the drive, it's called Spinwrite and its written by Steve Gibson over at grc.com.  He's a great guy and the program has saved a lot of people from the very mess I am in.  However, you buy it - download - run and then it can literally be days or weeks before the program finishes.  It's very miticulous and because of that is why it takes so long.  I kind of knew this day would get here sooner or later and well frankly it's just time to upgrade.  Faster processor, better memory, larger hard drive and of course after I get everything loaded it will be as slow as molases, but welcome to the world of Windows, that is the norm.  

I picked up BLU's remains last night and was fine.  I almost broke down when I was pulling into the drive way but I caught myself.  The box they gave me represented what I was shown but it looked much bigger in the photo.  If I get curious only a screw seperates me from his remains, I will probably look at some point.  For now he loved to spend time in the living room, so that is where I put him, right below the TV.

BLU was the cat that figured out how to turn the TV on when we wouldn't wake up.  He would turn it on, then it would wake up both me and my late partner.  Once we caught on to his trick we just started turning the volume down he would still turn it on but it lost the magic touch.  Soon he gave it up, but I still to this day turn the volume down before I turn it off.  I was putting away my shoes last night and realized yeah the only reason why they are in the closet is because I was afraid he would pee on them. Well now that Mr. Big  Boy has his problem I am not taking any chances.  Shoes are expensive!  Then  again what isn't expensive theese days.  

We have had a huge technical blunder here and email doesn't work for 1/2 of the company.  The phones have been ringing off the hook, because everyone lives and dies by their e-mail.  I get it, all we can tell them is it's being worked on.  They don't like to hear that, they want a time estimate... okay how about before Thanksgiving but no later than New Years Day.  I wonder how far that would fly.

One of my coworkers discovered he was the only one logged into the phone system, so the fat fuck sends out an e-mail with the boss included.. hey I am the only one on the phones, I could use some help.  Yeah well what about the multiple times it's happened to me.  Did I yell and scream like a little girl?  Did I run to mommy telling on everyone?  Nope, just took it like a man.  I didn't like it but I didn't cry about it either.  As you can tell I am not a fan of his.  He's got a lot of knowledge but social skills he lacks plus he says very hurtful things but he thinks he is joking.  Like one time I called and he said I knew you were going to call me because everytime you call my skin crawls.  Uh, excuse me?  That didn't sit very well with me, but I let it go.

Ah the phone is chirping, I have to go setup for a meeting.  Another lunch hour cut short.  Guess what I am doing over the weekend?  Yep, working on the PC more than likley.  So much for getting away, but maybe I can pull off my breakfast stunt with some sucess.  They say that bad things happen in 3's well I have suffered 2 and we can skip what ever will be #3.  I think my dues are more than paid up.

Talk with you peeps later.  Happy Hump(ing) day!  :)

Fire Drill

Yesterday we got instructions on how to evacuate the building in the event of an emergency.  Today they set off the fire alarm and we got to see who read the memo.  I read it but kept following other people and even talking to people I knew I worked with but had no idea what their name was.  

Then my cell phone rings.  It's our head Network guy and he wants to know whats going on.  I said we are having a fire drill.  Turns out the receptionist sent out a memo saying we had an emergency and were asked to evacuate, she also said this is NOT a drill.  Well now I understand why I got the phone call.  Oh  vey, don't say the sky is falling unless you actually see it, even though by then it will be too late.  

My lunch is cut a little short today because I have to set up for some meetings.  It happens more often than not.  I just adjust for it on my time card and everyone is happy and I can laugh all the way to the bank.

Went straight home last night and wow it smelled like Cinnamon Rolls & Cat Pee.  Those two things don't go together.  I broke out the steam cleaner and found a new place where the fat boy likes to pee at.  The water came out yellow and I repeated the process over and over and eventually I just gave up. I didn't think that I would see clear water anytime soon.  I sprayed something to help with the odor and once again I have a brown stain on the carpet.  I honestly don't know how to fix this w/o replacing the carpet.  A friend of mine says oh, pull it up and put down hard wood floors.  That sounds great except you ever see a cat try to walk on a hard wood floor?  It doesn't work so well.  While I have a problem now, the last thing I need is for someone to break a hip and be back at the vets place.  So I think I will pass on the hardwood floor idea.  

Talked with my friend about the resturant guy.  Her advice was repeat what you did Sunday again this Sunday and see where you get.  I am super nervous about it and today is only Tuesday.  I suppose time will tell if I am up to do it again.  If I am I hope he is actually there this time.  I was remarking last night how I don't think much of the dating apps that are out there.  I mean does anyone actually go on dates anymore because all I see is hookup requests.  Granted I did get one date but that just didn't pan out well.  So the search goes on.

My neck is bothering me I think it's from too much time on my phone.  Once again I look forward to going home and sleeping.  Just me and my jumper.  He was hogging where my feet went last night, I had to really push to get him to move.  I guess he was comfy but I sure wasn't.  Shame the massage lady won't be here this week, that would fit in really nice.  It's been nothing but stress here latley and I am slowly coming down from that.  

Here is to going home and walking in the door to smell only Cinamon Rolls tonight.  That would be awesome.  Supper will probably be mac and cheese - nothing fancy.  1/2 tonight  1/2 tomorrow.  I noticed that I am packing on the pounds, not exactly happy about that but stress can cause that as well.

Speaking of stress, back to work.  I am waiting on someone to fix something so that I can do my job, until then I am kind of in a holding pattern.  Hopefully all will be well soon.  You take care and I will talk with you peeps later. 

Done with on-call for now

Yay it's Monday and I am not on call anymore.  I got a couple of wake up calls last night but thankfully they were for my counterpart, so all I had to do was hit the mute button on the phone to stop the alarm from sounding.  Jumper wasn't too happy about it but we soon were off into the land of slumber.

TAZ man has been seeking me out for attention.  I brushed him last night, the last time I brushed anyone it was BLU and I figured it was only appropriate that TAZ goes first so he could pick up whatever scent was left behind from his buddy.

Speaking of scent, cat pee is the scent that I am smelling.  Not good.  I worked on Saturday to clean up a couple of their messes and at the same time I removed the urine remover stuff.  I can't just leave this permenant brown ring on the carpet, it looks horrible.  I think honestly there are two ways to get rid of the smell.  #1 is to get all new carpets and #2 is to get rid of the cats.  Both of which won't be happening anytime soon.  I actually see no point in removing the carpet, why ruin new carpet.  I am not happy with Mr. Big  Boy but he doesn't know that.  I have kept telling him to pee in the litter box, it's an extra couple of steps but it's where he needs to go.

Tonight I haven't made up my mind to go straight home or to stop off at the pet store.  Right now the way I feel I could just lay down and call it a day.  My back hurts, my neck hurts and I am tired.  At least tonight I can power on the sound machine, put the allergy machine on full blast and not hear a sound all night long.  Plus the phone will be on do not disturb.

I was a little alarmed when I looked at the on-call calendar and saw that someone had modified my duty to extend to tonight.  I changed it so that it ended as of 7am this morning, like it's suppose to.  The guy after me is off today and I'm guessing he doesn't want to work on-call tonight.  I thought about asking about it but decided against it.  I looked at the schedule and plain as day it says I am on for 1 week.  Someone else is on for another, etc.  So if we follow the schedule I am fine.  My guess was tht someone thought because I had someone else cover last Monday I needed to do 1 more day. That isn't how it works.

The weekend was a little busier than I wanted but everything was simple.  I am doing clean up today and trying to tidy things up so I am ready for whatever this week throws at me.  I actually have an odd ball item that I am going to troubleshoot momentarily.  Then on Thursday I think I have to come in super early to set up for some meeting.  I am not happy about that but maybe I will get a good parking space.  Maybe even some free food, who knows.  

Gotta run right now.  I will talk with you peeps later.  It sure will be nice not to run aroud like the world is on fire.  Relaxation is the name of the game.

Risk Taker

Well my on call time is just about over with.  7 am Monday is around the corner.  It’s been busy this weekend.  Yesterday was my big day.  Today seems to be my counterparts big day, network outage.  Lots of calls. 

Thankfully I have had simple stuff and a lot of it I was able to fix on my own, other stuff I had to get help from someone because it’s above what I have rights to do.

Pretty much a normal weekend here.  I was able to get to the cat food store had to run home to deal with an urgent call, then back out to Target and to Sam’s Club.  Money spent just as easy this weekend as any other.  The only thing I couldn’t do was leave the area and I am itching to get out of here.

Today I was able to get breakfast, hit the grocery store and back to Target.  I also got in a nice nap.  It was just a grand old time.

So there is this guy I have had my eye on for a long time at Cracker Barrel.  I went in this morning with a plan.  I got there early, so it wasn’t crowded.  I wrote down my name and number on a piece of paper.  I asked to be seated in his section.  The plan was to ask him if he likes guys, if he said yes then I would have given him the paper and said call me or something like that.  The problem some woman was working his section and I never saw him.  I guess he was off.  Damn!  So I have a couple of choices… 1 I can try again next Sunday or 2 I can try to friend him on Facebook and if he accepts, then I could message him and ask.  My gaydar has a couple blips on it, but honestly unless you are obvious about your sexuality I don’t pick up on it, the whole gaydar with me is broken.  I am not sure of what to do and am waiting for some feedback from either you or another friend before I rush and possibly make a mistake.  I want to communicate and get an answer but I don’t want to scare him away.  The whole thing just has RISK written all over it.

The Gay Dating apps, well they aren’t getting me the results that I want.  I am keeping what I have paid for but when my time is up, my time is up.  I’m not pouring a bunch of money into this, it’s silly but I am not exactly sure how I am supposed to find a partner, considering I don’t go to gay bars.  There is a guy at work but again that has RISK written all over it and my policy is not to get into a relationship with a coworker, it’s just going to end badly and could ruin my job.

I am proud of myself because I didn’t let all of my 2nd guessing give in and I went to eat there and had plans to approach him.  The tricky part would be ask first and risk pissing him off so he spits in my food, tells his co-workers and everyone laughs at me or to ask before I leave.  Either way it’s a risk.  The wind was just let out of my sail when I didn’t get to see him.

At the grocery store I ran into the cashier who thinks I look like Jim Gaffigan, she is only the 2nd person in life to tell me that.  He is white like pail white – I look nothing like him.  Anyway, she said oh how’s your baby?  I said he passed away.  I just knew I would have to have that conversation with her today and kind of dreaded it. 

I have been thinking about my decision and well I do regret it in the fact that there are so many unknowns.  Regardless if it was right or wrong, I have to live with it, there is no bringing him back now.  In fact I should be getting a call tomorrow or very shortly telling me that his cremains are ready to be picked up.  I do want to bring him home, but didn’t plan on doing it like this.  So sad how things went so quickly from good to bad to death.  It’s amazing that life as we know it can change in the fraction of a second.

Speaking of cats, I was able to clean the rug yesterday.  Big Boy I believe had peed again.  It smells horrible, I put down the urine remover.  I am not sure what I can do to break him of this.  I caught him the other night and just picked him up and put him in the litter box.  He finished and hopped out.  He knew I wasn’t happy.  I think he is just seeing how lazy he can be – I mean I rotate his plate, he chirps for food and I am right there, he asks for attention and I give it.  I think it’s all just a test.  I hate it – pee in the litter box and we can continue to exist peacefully.  After all I have been through I think asking for that one little favor shouldn’t be a problem.

I have switched to Air Wick scented oils, they seem to have a much wider selection of fragrances that I like.  I picked up Cinabon Cinnamon and have that plugged in upstairs to help mask the cat pee smell.  I have a Pumpkin & Vanilla in my office, it’s okay but more Vanilla than Pumpkin.  Glade allows you to control the amount of fragrance, Air Wick doesn’t.  Febreeze is also in on the game but I’m happy with what I have.  Air Care like one of the best things ever.

Back to laundry, TV and cracking open a window.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Fear No More

Yesterday was a very busy day.  We had some in house training to attend and that meant that disrupted everyones day.  We did it in groups of two so there was a morning phone shift and people in training and the same for the afternoon.  I was on the phones in the morning and in training in the afternoon.  It was supposed to be about HIPAA but they kind of got off topic, plus we were also talking about security.  At some point in the training the moderator said something about living your life in fear and how that was not a good model for one to live their life.  It was in that moment that I realized hey I am not living in fear anymore.  I no longer work for the Jewish Ass, I no longer have to worry about if my partner is going to pass away - he already did and last but oh so fresh I don't have to worry about BLU and if he will be okay.  Getting these things out of the way was rough but each brought me great knowledge and I learned something from each and everyone of them.  

From the Jewish Ass - never trust anyone, people will say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

From the loss of My Partner - It's important to have the end of life conversation early on so others will know what your wishes are.  To say I love you each and every day to those that you care for because someday you won't be able to.  That closing out another persons life it a misserable, labor intensive process that can litterally take years.

From the loss of BLU - Appreciate your pets, because unless you have a bird chances are you are going to out live them.  Money spends really quick at the vet and having available credit or money set aside for their health care is important.  Vet's are people too and chances are most of their diagnosis process is simply a guess.

So things are a little easier now that we are approaching the weekend.  It's been a very long and horrible week.  I got a sympathy card in the maiil last night from my vet.  I knew it would be coming.  It didn't affect me at all, by that I simply mean I didn't break down and cry.  I did reflect back on memories that I have had with him.  I've been doing that perodically.  I was surprised that all of my content of BLU (pictures and videos) is limited to my phone.  Holy cow!  I will be working on geting it transferred to my PC quickly, so that it can be in 2 places and backed up twice.  Memories and photos are all I have at this point.  

The rest of the children are getting used to having quiet around the house.  TAZ is starting to seek me out for attention and as well for food.  He lays by himself and I know he's got to be wondering where is my friend at.  I keep talking about BLU to him and telling him that he isn't coming back.  I hope that it sinks in.  I also tell him that we only have each other and we made it through one death, we will make it through another.  That is whhat we do, we are survivors.

So my co-worker that helped me out sent me a thank you e-mail.  My boss who I know has to have received the card and gift I sent for Bosses Day has yet to reach out to thank me.  I am starting to wonder if she ever will.  I asked a friend about it last night and was told give it a little more time and see if she says anything.  It really sucks when you have to seek people out to get a thank you for giving them a gift  

On-call hasn't been terribly bad.  Last night all was quiet.  This morning at 5:30 someone needed help, she never said it was urgent so I let it sit and she called two more times - then I said ok deal with it.  I did and wow turns out there was an outage and I was fortunate enough that I only got 1 call and not 40 calls.  Things are all better now and I picked up an extra 1/2 hour of time.  We got her fixed and damned if she didn't reboot and we had to fix her again.  I was later than normal leaving the house but thanks to my lead foot I was able to get to work with plenty of time to spare.  

I had a plan for the weekend to get cat food tonight, wake up early on Sunday and get groceries.  I believe I am just going to proceed as normal.  I went back and looked at last weekend 3 calls on Saturday and Sunday - that was it.  I hope I can get away with that or less and I hope they are easy if I get any calls at all.  Easy is what I like, you fix it and move on to the next thing.  I will essentially be chained to my house but then again if you think about it, I am usually home on weekends.  I really want to get away and go for a drive but that will have to wait.  Right now I am feeling the effects of getting up early, waking up in the middle of the night and all of the other sleeping hiccups that happened this week.  I need some good sleep with no interuptions.  For now I just have to put up with it until Monday at 7am and then I am done until December when I get to play the game again.  On-call at other places I worked was much worse.  This so far has been a walk in the park, I hope that experience continues.

So I am getting ready to go back to work and swap out a laptop.  It will be a grand ol time, I hope that everything works like it should.  I have to repeat this process 3 more times within the month.  Looking forward to putting that in the past as well.

Have a great weekend and I will try to do the same.  Weather is supposed to be pretty good, so who knows maybe I will go crazy and open the windows.  The children would love that!  Talk with you peeps later. 

Healing

Last night was a rush to get home.  It was misting out so you know that means traffic was a mess.  It took me untl almost 6:30 to get remotly close to my house.  I had to stop to pick up the mail and stop to get a gift card for my co-worker who helped me out on Monday night with on-call.

I made it home got the children fed and started my supper.  I had some new Spicy Vegitarian Vegetable Chili from Campbell's.  Spicy it was not, the same for delicious.  Ah well nothing ventured nothing gained.  Whille I was eating the clock struck 7 so I was on duty.

I was able to pay my bills, hit the 1 credit card that has all of the charges for BLU on it really hard.  $800 which I think is a lot of money.  It helped the balance but there are other things on there like my mophie, the trip for orentation/training, etc.  It will be a little bit but hopefully I will be able to pay it off sooner rather than later.  In the middle of paying bills is when the first call came in.

It wasn't even my user but she was in a location that I am responsible for and she said she had loaner equipment, so I just took the bull by the horns and helped her.  Turns out it was a common issue and very easy fix.  In the process of calling her, the second call came in.  Now mind you neither of these were marked as urgent but I still called them back because they both had to do with work stoppages which is considered urgent, plus it was just the right thing to do (so I think).  The 2nd caller wanted to know if there were network issues because his machine is slow and is getting slower.  I block my cell phone number before I call anyone back, I don't need someone calling me in a week on my way home to tell me they have a problem that I would honestly not care about.  Doing that discourages people to answer their phone.  So I got to leave him a voice mail just to say no network problems, reboot your machine.  

I stayed up until 10:30p and couldn't wait to get to sleep.  All was quiet and I fell into a slumber when at a little past midnight the phone goes ape shit.  I sprang out of bed (perhaps a little too fast).  Looked at the issue and decided better address it.  Turns out it wasn't my user.  I have talked with her before but the other person on call should have dealt with this.  I guess she is pretty pleased with me because she didn't have to get out of bed.  I ran with it and finally by 1:45a I was able to retire back to bed.  I set the phone on the floor next to the bed so I would be able to get to it quicker and it was quiet for the rest of the night.  I woke up at 5a and had problems getting back to sleep but then when 6a rolled around I didn't want to get out of bed.  I felt exta tired like I hadn't gotten any sleep.  I hope that tonight is much quieter because my shows are on ABC and not to mention I would like to relax.  

On the home front everyone seems to be doing okay.  They are all eating.  Shy Girl is still acting like something is wrong.  I can't believe she actually misses BLU because they fought all of the time.  I guess she has no one to 'play' with so she is bored.  TAZ just mopes around the house, I think he really misses BLU.  They were tight and snuggled up every night together.  I sat down to give him extra attention last night and this morning I picked him up and just petted him.  He was purring away loving every minute of it.  I told him once again that BLU passed away and he won't be coming back.  I try not to say his name much for fear that it will jog their memory.  

Last night I wrote a thank you letter to my co-worker and put a photo of BLU in the letter along with the gift card.  I just lost it when I was composing the letter.  It hurts, but today it feels a little better.  I was thinking last night how there is no more emotional roller coaster, no phone calls to make or receive and holding my breath to see if this or that will work.  I still would like to know why he got a fever.  Siamese cats are predisposed to certain things so perhaps it was something genetic, I am honestly not sure and will probably never know.  I still look around but don't see anything obvious that jumps out at me.  I hate mysterys and love to solve the puzzle but this is one that just boggles the mind.

I was proud of myself for making it through yesterday, even thought I was sleepy.  I figured if I did it one day I would give it a go today.  Hopefully things will be different and much better and quieter tonight.  Staying up until 10:30p isn't bad it's the middle of the night stuff that I hate.  I am sure I won't be fond of Saturday or Sunday either.  

My mom called me last night to tell me that she is going to have another cornea transplant next month.  Of course she wanted transportation help, which is the real reason why she called.  I told her that I have a very small amount of PTO and I have to use it wisley.  There are things that are planned like the closing and I am not sure if I will need a 1/2 or a whole day.  Then with her to get to a follow up visit, I know she will want me to take a whole day and frankly from a cost perspective it would be better.  I would have to drive to work, then drive to her house, then drive back by work, drive her home and then drive home myself.  That in it's self would be a killer.  I hope that it all goes well and there is a high sucess rate.  If something goes south and she loses her vision that will be a real bummer.  At least she isn't talking about a car.  She did ask me if I could take her to the doctor on Saturday.  I told her that I am chained to my house for the weekend, because I am on-call.  Saturdays are supposed to be like working full 8 hour days and the same for Sunday but it's a little quieter.  I have a strategy in place, we shall see if it pays off.

I was worried I wouldn't have anything to do.  Problem after problem, jumping from here to there and back again.  It's been a very busy day and lunch time is drawing to a close.  Back to busy city.  I am trying my best but can't help thinking of BLU.  I hope he likes the Rainbow Bridge and thta he has found my late partner.  Alrighty then, back to work it is.  Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to work I go because I owe, I owe, I owe.  :)  Talk with you peeps later.

Life goes on

So I took care of business last night.  I did get to see him and he was really perky.  He was chatty as well, I think he wanted to go home or at least that is what he expected.  So I had 2nd thoughts.  I goot the staff to bring me some food, he wouldn't eat it no matter what.  I really wanted him to, that would have been cause to go a different route.  I know in my heart that if I would have brough him home he would have eaten, but I can't say for certain that he would have kept it up.  I really think he wanted to see his buddy TAZ and just snuggle up and be left alone.  

I came in with the empty carrier and who was waiting for me but TAZ.  I didn't want him to see it but it didn't work out that way.  He just looked at me as if to say, well where is he?  I keep apologizing to him and explaing tht he is gone.  It feels really, really wrong.  

As you can well imagine I didn't get much sleep.  I left my door open last night in case TAZ wanted to come in.  Nope but Momma did and she walked all over me.  It was like Wild Kingdom.  I pretty much know for certain that the others really don't miss him because he always laid in wait for them and would scare the crap out of them.  I had to function as a peace keeper more often than not. 

I am at work, but this is the last place I really want to be.  I am functioning on auto pilot.  I walked away from my car and realized I forgot my access card.  I always keep it in the car so I won't forget home w/o it.  You can't do anything in this building w/o a card.  If you do happen to forget yours they will issue you a temporary.  Lose it and they will fine you $25 for a replacement.  Anyway, back on point I find myself doing all sorts of silly things.  It's stress and the shock of what I went through.

The vet was kind enough to make paw print impressions for me - she took one front and one rear.  I put them in the case so they wouldn't get squished.  Give them a bit to harden and then I will figure out what I want to do with them.  His remains will be coming back in about a week to a week and a half.  They said they will send a letter.  I said pick up the phone and call me, I want to bring his remains home asap.  

I did get to see his body, he looked at peace.  The vet said he went quick and there were no problems.  I know my boy isn't suffering anymore.  I told him to go find my late partner and tell him that I miss him too.  Hopefully we will all be together again some day when I leave this earth.

I've actually done pretty good today but blogging about this is starting to cause me to crumble and the tears are ready.  Not good because there will be a client here in a bit that needs my help.  Then I can actually eat lunch.  That is normally when I blog but I decided to switch things up a bit.  

So Shy Girl is eating but she is doing it in spurts - a little here and little there.  That is not normal but I am figuring that its related to the event that just took place and she senses how I feel.  I am sure they all know something is up or not quite right.  We survived the last loss and we will survive this loss.  I just hope the next loss doesn't happen for many years.  

Tonight I will be on-call.  I heard last night was only 2 calls and that is pretty good.  I hope that it's all quiet for me as well.  1 or 2 calls isn't bad in the grand scheme of things.  Then again we only are required to respond to urgent/emergencies.  Plus I looked at my check and they already paid me the on-call stipend which helps.  I've got a decent chunk of change to pay bills with.  Payday is tomorrow but we can get access to our stubs electronically 1 day prior.  Kind of cool so you know what to expect.  Better than waiting and checking the bank.  So my plans for tonight are to get the mail, pick up a gift card for my co-worker who was so kind to take my on-call for a night and get food for everyone.  Then pay bills, maybe look at some pron if I am in the mood.  Being depressed sure kills the sex drive quickly.  Of course I will be listening for the phone and watching TV.  Since people like to work a little late I will try to stay up until 10:30 if I can, but I really don't think tonight my body will have any problems with sleeping, I just hope work allows me to sleep.  I certainly don't need anything complicated to deal with and no middle of the night calls. 

Well now I am on lunch, late but at least there was time to eat.  I think the worst part of all of this is when you come to work and everyone asks you how are you doing.  Most people here have no clue what happened, I don't broadcast my life.  I did tell 1 co-worker and we had a follow up conversation in the lunchroom so now I am sure word will spread.  That's perfectly ok.  I still tell people I am okay, because well that is the response they are expecting - - it's a perfunctory question & answer.  Most people don't give a damn how you are.

I must say that the response on FB to my post announcing what happened, was really unexpected.  I didn't think that I would get so many responses/comments.  That was really heart warming.  I anticipated that a couple of other people would comment but nothing from them.  I get it, it's an awkward situation and people don't know what to say.  No one really knew BLU except for my friend that watches them when I am gone.  Outside of that it was just me and my late partner.  

The silence in the house is deafing.  I go to the bathroom and look at the door stop and think where is Blu he should be batting this around.  I go downstairs and see a tennis ball that he started to tear into. There are memories of him all around.  It's just like when I lost my partner and how he used to make noise and now no more.  I hope I don't have anymore noise makers, I don't want to lose anyone else.  

Well this is blathering and I sense I am starting to run on and on.  I am going to post this and then back to the grind.  Thanks for taking time out of your day to stop by.  I know more than 1 of you is reading this even if you don't comment.  Talk with you peeps later. 

End of the road

I checked in first thing this morning on how my Blu is doing.  His fever came down to 103.6 but over night he took a turn for the worse and the fever is back.  Not good news.  I spoke with the vet a little later and they suspect that he has either pancreatitus or cancer.  They said that his teeth could cause this also but the only way to know for sure is to clean his teeth and then pull what is bad.  Then it would be a couple more days and he still may not eat.  

They have offered him the food that I brought as well as diets of their own and he just doesnt want any part of food.  A cat that is not eating is totally NOT a good sign.  That is what brought us to where we are today.  

It didn't help that TAZ finally started looking for him this morning.  He knows he is gone but I guess he's kept it under wraps.  I held him and kept telling him that I am so sorry, but I didn't think his buddy was coming home.  

So the treatment at this point is they gave him a steroid shot, which was supposed to make things better.  However, I just got a call and am waiting for a call back, but there has been no change.

This is the worst part of being a pet owner or a staff member (since cats have staff and dogs have owners).  I have decided that I have spent enought and we are going to part ways tonight.  

I just talked with the vet and made arrangements, so when I get off work I will go by to say my goodbyes to my sweet boy.  They are going to make him comfortable until I get there and then we will go from there.  This sucks and I really figured it was where I would wind up.  

$1k down the drain and now a dead cat.  Sucks!  Got to get ready to go back to work.  What a crappy lunch time.

24 more hours

I got a progress update tonight around 7p.  His fever has dropped some more.  We are continuing to make progress.  Given that I authorized 24 more hours of care, its only $200.  I asked them to take a closer look at his teeth, to see if that is the problem.  Cats do in fact get absess and/or infected teeth.  If he needs a tooth pulled, do it so we can move on and I can get him back.  I mean I honestly don't know why else he would have a fever.

My hope is that tomorrrow yields results to tell me what to do.  I hope that the fever subsides, even if he still is a grumpy guy.  I'd love to see him eating on a regular basis, that would bring great comfort to me.  My hope is that they can stop the treatment for the fever so we can figure out if it's going to come back.  I want to know what to do - even though I think I already know the answer I want some concrete evidence to back up a decision that is irovocable if I make it.  I can always bring him home and take him back but I'd rather he not come out of the hosptial unless he is going to be okay.  

If this is a tooth problem then I suspect we can get it resolved quickly and be able to move on.  Shy Girl came out for supper, ate a very tiny bit.  I think I have upset everyone and that is the reason why she might not be eating much.  I hope that things to back to normal tomorrow.

I am finishing up watching a movie called God's Not Dead.  Very interesting and I think appropoe given what I am going through.

Next update tomorrow, probably from work.  Have a good nigght I am going to try to get some much needed sleep and hope that tomorrow is a much better day.  

Thanks for sticking by my side in this tough time, that means more to me than you know.  God Bless.

Fighting

So I went in with the intentions of ending his life, but turns out there was progress.  His fever dropped some more.  I got to see him and he is cranky.  They have ice on the line which is probably why the drop in temp.  I took over some food and we offered it to him but he wouldn’t eat.  I did get to scratch and pet him.  He enjoyed that. 

I looked at him and said what do you want me to do?  Do you want me to keep on trying or would you prefer that I stop.  He started grooming himself a little.  I took that as a positive sign.

From now until 7am it’s going to cost me $50 to keep him there.  Beyond that if I look at another 24 hours then were talking $200.  Here’s the thing I can’t tell them at 7 am well no progress let’s end this – I mean how am I supposed to work?  So I would spend the $200 and then go in at night and tell them, then come home and be on-call.  Geez there just isn’t a good time for this at all.

I will check on him a bit later tonight and depending upon how things are going, that will help me make my decision.  I did ask God for a sign and I think I’ve gotten a couple.  I really don’t want to give up, that is not who I am but fighting will take money and it’s money that I don’t have and am promising to pay.  If something happens to my job or me, well then I am really in quite the pickle.  So I am operating on faith and the assumption that I will have the money.

Now Shy Girl didn’t come to lunch, which is normal.  She is missing supper, so that tells me there is something going on.  If she doesn’t respond to treat time then I know I’ve got an issue and well I might loose 2 of them.  How do you pick and chose? 

This is NOT what I wanted and NOT what I need to deal with right now.  I’m certainly ready to get back to normal or some state there of.  I will keep you posted.  Let’s hope this has a good ending, despite the negative thoughts in my head.

Difficult Afternoon

I woke up not feeling the best.  I’ve got a sinus infection brewing.  I used an app on my phone call Dr. On Demand.  It’s a video conference between you and a licensed physician.  Had technical trouble on the first call, the second call went through just fine.  It’s $40 for a call.  I will only be charged once.  The doc called in a script to my pharmacy. 

Unfortunately when I went to get it, the pharmacy was out of it.  Several pharmacy's in the area do not have it in stock.  It’s not a common antibiotic, it’s very old school but it’s the only thing that I am NOT allergic to that does the trick.  I had to call around and finally found that the grocery store pharmacy had it in stock.  Cool, I rushed up there and got it.  First dose is on board and 2nd dose will be on board in a few hours. 

I had to beg Shy Girl to eat this morning.  I think that she might have a touch of what Blu has, but I am not for certain just yet.  I don’t want to jump to conclusions and run up a huge bill for nothing.

Mr. Blu has had a 2 degree decrease in his fever.  He is super cranky.  They would like to send him home this afternoon with me having to give him fluids and pills to try to fix the fever issue.  That is way more than I want to sign up for.  If I could do all of that here then I wouldn’t need a vet.  They thought that he might have Toxoplasmosis so they started treating him for that, it’s another antibiotic and it takes a few days before it kicks in. 

Here’s my problem I have already spent $1k and that is way outside of my price range.  I honestly don’t think that this is something that can be fixed or if it can it’s something that will take much more money and time than I have.  I’ve been crying most of the day but I think it’s time I let go and put him down.  I REALLY DO NOT want to make that bold move but I think it’s safe to say I did more than give him a fighting chance and we at least tried what we could.  He is so young it feels so wrong to just give up.  However, unless they can show me some progress that is what I believe I am going to do.  Rather than call, I am going over they will of course want payment for the additional services and I would like my carrier back plus the chance to say goodbye to my buddy.

I’ve prayed and begged God to please make him better.  To please show me a sign that he is going to make it and that it’s worth the extra money.  I want him back and to be able to enjoy for at least a few more years.  If there is something that I need to do I will do it, just tell me.  Please don’t punish my animals and put me through this torture. 

I am so tired of dealing with death.  I am ready for my own death so that I won’t have to face the issue again.  This really has me quite worked up and emotional, as one would expect. 

So I’m off with a little food and one of his favorite toys.  Let’s hope for good luck but I honestly don’t think there is much of a chance.  Will let you know.