Little Bit of Good News

Working ;my tail end off, high stress lots of people to deal with.  Almost done with this e-mai project, which is a good thing.

I learned yesterday night that the mortgage company I applied with is going to refund my $250 for the Housing Counseling class that I went to.  They said it was a good faith effort on their part.  It actually was to make them look good because I filed complaints with several agencies one of which was the BBB.  That got me the results that I wanted.  They sent me a formal denial today telling me that they can’t help me.  Ah, well I already knew that. 

I got my time off for after Christmas and New Years approved.  So I will have 6 days off for each holiday but it’s only costing me 4 days.  Plus I figure they will let us go early on both Christmas Eve and New Years Eve.  So potentially add a 1/2 day to that!  Not too shabby.

Blu is now climbing on to the top of the refrigerator.  I would never know it but he knocked off a bunch of stuff that was up there.  He is so frisky and has so much energy.  I gave him a plastic ball with a bell in it before I left.  He was in hog heaven.  I thought good maybe you will stop being a brat!  It’s like I need a baby sitter for the cat.  Another reason to miss my guy, he kept some order in the cat kingdom!

I talked with our HR person today and aired my concerns about feeling like I was being ostracized and I was told that wasn’t the case.  I need to talk with my “friend” one on one but there isn’t anything hinky going on and my job isn’t in jeopardy.  Yeah, would you really tell me if my job was in jeopardy?  I mean it’s like knowing that your going to fire someone at 1pm and they ask you at 12:30 are you going to fire me.  What do you tell them yes.  Nope that isn’t the way it works.  I still don’t fully trust people around here and I never will.  There are some who have burned me really bad and others that I would rather not take a chance on.  No offense but I am surrounded by an office of women that is not a good thing.  We need more guys in here to even things out and get some testosterone in the air.  I would say the same thing if I was in an office of all men.  The sexes need to blend at work otherwise things just aren’t right.  Plus the whole culture here is dog eat dog.  That is NOT a good thing at all. 

Tomorrow I am having a heart to heart with my friend and airing my concerns, which I can tell you she already knows they are coming.  That is okay by me, I will still talk it out and I think maybe I can walk away feeling good about it. 

Bad weather should be rolling in.  Everone is freaking out because there is the potential for snow and ice.  I say you can’t do a damn thing about it, why worry.  Just deal with it if and when it happens.  The world doesn’t stop because of snow and ice.  Get a grip, it’s December this type of weather is expected.  Now if it was the middle of July I would worry that it was the end of the world.

I got my new Roku and really love it.  I sure hope my friends like it when I give them theirs for Christmas.  I kind of which I had the new model in my room, lots more features and you can even get movies on demand directly from ROKU.  They require you keep a credit card on file with them, no charge unless you actually watch something.  That could come in handy.  Their prices are reasonable. 

Learning more each day about Paul Walker and his death.  I am still in disbelief that he is gone.  I learned today that he was a Mormon.  No wonder I thought he was hot, something about those Mormon boys.  Looks like his death was the result of an accident.  The car was a V10 and very difficult to control.  If you made a mistake while driving it was unforgiving.  The whole things is just a damn shame.  Paul has a movie that is due to be released this month, I can imagine people will flock to it to show support.  It’s on my list of things to do provided of course that I have money.  I don’t visit the movie theater that often.

That is all I know at the moment.  Talk with you peeps later.  2 more days!  :)

30 minutes = Done with Monday

Things went pretty well for a Monday.  I didn’t like getting up early and didn’t sleep the best but tonight should be different.

Finishing up the e-mail project I have been working on tomorrow.  That will mean a super busy day but it’s a good thing in the end. 

I am looking forward to getting home to the children to see what mischief they have gotten into.  I caught BLU this morning playing with a syringe.  He was just tossing it up in the air and jumping on it.  I took it away from him and gave him a toy to play with but that didn’t hold as much excitement.  There are no needles on any syringes that the cats can get to, so at least I am safe there.  Otherwise they would probably stab me in the middle of the night just for fun. 

Looking at the web for Paul Walker I saw earlier today that it looks like drag racing may have been a factor in the crash.  How sad.  I understand the thrill of it but that is why you do it in a controlled environment like Hollywood.  He was riding in a Porsche that was a V10 and said to be hard to control even for an experienced driver.  I know it would get me in trouble and probably killed which is why I stick with my little V4 it works just fine.  The truck is a V6 and that has some power to it.  I can only imagine what it’s like to drive a V10.  Paul's  daughter is 15 or 16 depending upon which news source you look at. 

In other news my work PC got the BSOD today.  That is the Blue Screen of Death.  Very uncommon in a modern PC today.  The problem I believe was a video driver update.  I removed it and rolled back the driver, thus far all seems stable.  Hopefully it remains that way.  I can’t be rebooting my machine 3 or 4 times in a day.

Thinking about supper and what I should have.  Frozen Fish TV Dinner sounds pretty good but I have some Mexican Soup as well that sounds appealing.  I guess I will see what I feel like when I get home.  I have to get the trash out and prepare for tomorrow.  Try to get out the door early tomorrow, if that is possible. 

So there you have it my Monday.  Not too shabby.  Looking forward to more time off in 3 weeks.  That will be nice.  Our next holiday after January is President’s Day in Feb.  Then we have a long stretch until May when it’s Memorial Day.  Somehow I will manage. 

Have a good evening and I will be back to talk to you peeps again soon.

Sunday Depression

So it’s here the last day of the holiday vacation.  Ugh!  Seems like it went slow but now that today is here things are happening quickly.  I’m sure that my Monday will move by fast which isn’t a problem.  The problem is going back to work.  I really don’t want to.  However, I shall.  I will be submitting my PTO requests in a few days.  I don’t believe there will be a problem, considering that I am always there and have only taken 2 days thus far. 

The house is a little bit cleaner.  I found a few things and got to travel down memory lane.  I made some new memories in spending time with the kids.  They are all so much fun!

Yes, I trimmed Shy Girls claws, they were actually in really good shape, could have waited a couple more weeks.  However, you don’t know that until you look and if I am going through all that trouble might as well trim what is there.  She made a little mess but she made it clear that she would take care of it.  I tried to feed her special food but she was pretty mad so she didn’t come out.  I will be headed up shortly for snack time.  I’ll bet you she comes out for that. 

I’ve got to shave all of these whiskers off my face so I look pretty for Monday.  Shaving once a week is quite a perk for me.  I think I look the best around Wednesday or Thursday.  After that it needs to come off. 

Listening to my tunes on the Bluetooth Speaker I got.  Sounds pretty nice, even if it isn’t what I want. 

The trash is all set to get set out tomorrow night.  I finally got to watch the last 2 episodes of Alpha House.  They won’t play on my Roku but they will play on my Smart TV which broadcast in full HD.  Not exactly sure why that is but ah well. 

Got to find something nice to watch tonight, take some sleeping pills and drift into dream land.  I did manage to take a short nap today and will understand totally if I am up until 11 but that will really suck when 6 comes tomorrow morning.  By Tuesday everything should be back to normal, until then it’s just going to be hell.

Putting the final touches and migrating the last of the users this week for e-mail so we will all be on one server.  That will be nice not to deal with returned e-mail and to actually have a GAL (Global Address Book) for the company. 

Thinking of my guy and how much I miss him.  Not just him but others that are no longer in my life.  Kind of sad all of the people we lose along the way.  Each of them graced us with their presents and hopefully we learned something from them.  Knowledge is power.  It’s great to have learned so much but far greater to be able to impart that knowledge to others.

Well time to scoot, this is just blather and it’s not going to shave those whiskers off my face.  Have a good night and I will talk with you again soon.  Ciao!

Stunned & Saddened

Last night I went to put my iPhone on the charger and noticed a pop up from CNN.  I frequently ignore these but read it and screamed in disbelief.  It said words to the effect… “Paul Walker film star of Fast & Furious has died in a car crash according to his agent”. 

I launched Facebook and it was all lit up with condolences and Lance Bass even said it wasn’t a PR stunt it was real.  I just couldn’t comprehend it.

So how much worse can this year get?  That is a question I just don’t want to ask.  We have a mere 4 weeks and 3 days left I don’t want to jinx anything. 

I had a HUGE crush on Paul Walker from the moment I laid eyes on him.  He was beautiful and yes he was straight.  I was stunned to learn that he had a daughter.  I found that out when I was browsing on Hulu and came across an ET interview.  That makes his passing so much sadder.  His daughter now has to go through life without a father.  In the interview, not sure when it was done but they said she was 16.  My guess is that she is probably still under age 20.

I loved the Fast & Furious series and me and my partner watched everyone together, with the exception of 6 which I had to watch by myself.  I know that 7 is in production but not exactly how far they are along with it and if it will in fact release.  I suppose we can only stay tuned.

The part that really makes me uneasy about his passing is that he was only 2 years younger than me.  I guess only the good die young!

Rest In Peace Paul Walker.

Horny Holiday Time

When I think of my blog and Christmas the Santa Spanking photo comes to mind….

For you guys the naked guy is Tommy Anders who was a porn star for Helix Studios.  This photo or something from this series has been a staple of my blog at Christmas time for quite sometime.  This year however, I am doing things differently.

You see an Abercrombie model at the top of the page.  It’s years old and something that I wanted to use for a while.  I always forgot about it.  Tonight when I went looking for Tommy’s photo I found it.  I figured why not be different.

I had a couple holiday backgrounds that I wanted to use but couldn’t find on my machine.  My mind these days is like scrambled eggs.  I’m sure they are here but I don’t remember what they are called.  So I relied on my friend Google.  He didn’t disappoint I got the background you see from Deviant Art.  A gay Christmas Tree!

I did manage to locate a different background at first but it just wouldn’t work for my site.  However, I want to show you so you can at least appreciate it.

Very colorful like a peacock, just a shame it wouldn’t work for me.  There are so many images both X and G rated that I had to pick from but I think my choices are pretty good, I am content with them at least for now.  I hope you like them too.

The ‘Holidays’ aren’t exactly going to be the same for me but I am sure I will manage to make it through them..  That doesn’t mean I will be happy all the time and it doesn’t mean I won’t cry but it does mean that my life will continue in a forward direction. It won’t be easy but we will get there!

Today …. I got up early, fed the children, made plain oatmeal put way too much cinnamon on it, threw it out and started over with plain oatmeal and used cinnamon – sugar and that went down quite well.  I called a friend to wish her a Happy Birthday and then watched TV.  I fell back asleep and took a nice nap with momma in my bed.  If I wasn’t asleep I would have sworn I had a stroke.  I was 1/2 awake and when I fell asleep my arm was around momma.  I woke up to turn over and my arm wouldn’t do anything that I wanted it to.  It kept hitting me in the face and my fingers felt funny.  I eventually got situated and fell back asleep.  When I woke up it was 1pm and my arm was doing fine. 

I jumped in the shower and threw on some clothes (well I dried off first).  Then off to the pharmacy to pick up Momma’s medicine.  The cute guys were off today – note to self never go pick up medicine on a Saturday no cute guys working.  Then it was off to the Post Office where medicine and bills awaited me.  From there it was off to Cat Food and then finally home sweet home.  I put away the cat food, fed the beggars lunch.

Then I left in the truck and went to the pizza place.  Got a nice Chicago Pie with Sausage, Pepperoni and I threw in onion for the hell of it.  Shouldn’t have added the onion the taste is all off.  Anyway I didn’t stuff my self I came home with 5 pieces so there is another meal or two, depending upon how hungry I am. 

I did some basement cleaning, but nothing like I wanted to.  My heart wasn’t in to it.  However, the trash guy won’t be too happy with me.  Just wait some day I will be cleaning out the deep freeze and man that day will truly suck for him.  I’m waiting for colder weather.  I can keep the stuff in the garage w/o it spoiling because it will already be cold.  Then lug it out to the street and when he shows up that is when he will be mad.

I watched some TV with Big Boy and trimmed his claws as well as petted him.  He loves the attention.  He has turned into quite the picky eater.  I also realized that with my time off I haven’t been consistent with his medicine and that means he is going to have some stomach issues.  Poor guy.  Ah well I will remember it’s all my fault when I am cleaning up the mess.  If it wasn’t for remembering that I would have cleaned the carpets.

I got an e-mail offer to come back to Men.com a porn site.  They made it really attractive offer and well I dropped a few dollars.  I am back for 3 months and then I am gone.  I’ve been thinking about Tyler Sweet and Johnny Rapid so this will help ease my cravings for them.

Speaking of cravings I sure could go for some White Castle.  I’d say perhaps tomorrow but nah, I will be eating here.  Like it or not.  Saving the pennies is what it is all about.

I will get paid again this week and my check is already spoken for if I schedule my car payment from this check.  Thankfully we have another pay day later in the month, so I will schedule it but it will come out of the next check.  I get to pay off my credit card like I plan on every month.  No need to go into debt if I don’t have to.

I logged into the Gay Dating site I joined and made sure to cancel my membership.  It was cheap but I am not getting any hits, no date is coming from an on-line site for me – at least that is my opinion.  Now I am sure if I just wanted to hook up for sex well maybe I could find someone.  Not exactly sure where to begin looking for Mr. Right.  I don’t want to go to a bar or a club.  Everyone wants someone who is good looking but it’s what is on the inside that counts and I don’t mean in his pants.  I just want that good guy and if he looks good well that would be an added plus for me.  Maybe I am meant to be single for a while.  Lord knows the children keep me pretty busy. 

I am loving lounging around in my sweats, they are so comfy I forgot all about them.  I am changing up my bed clothes to something different.  Heavier comforter for Winter.  I would like the bring the electric blanket up but I know it would make it far too hot for me.  I can’t sleep if it is hot – no matter if it’s winter or summer.

Tomorrow is Sad Sunday when reality sets in that I have to go back to work on Monday.  The kids won’t know what to do and I wonder if I can make it through an entire day without a nap.  I did it before but the bigger question is can I do it again? 

I have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow, which won’t be any fun for me or my wallet.  However, I hope to wind up with something good.  I thought about trying my hand at making chili but I am not quite sure about it just yet.  Thinking that maybe it’s better to hit up Bob Evans and get a quart or two for $5.  I can make my own cheeseburger to go with that w/o any problems!

Not sure if I mentioned it but my brother got a job.  He started this past Monday.  He said it’s a job.  Doesn’t exactly sound like he is thrilled but perhaps his tune will change when he gets his first check.  Money has a way of creating motivation or at least it does for me. 

Can’t believe that in 15 minutes it will be December 1 already.  Feels so strange to be all alone this time of year.  I am thankful for what I have but wish I could have so much more. 

Oh since you managed to read this far, the big news is I found out tonight that I wont the lottery.  Yes it’s a very small amount a whopping three dollars.  However it’s better than nothing.  I can turn around and buy another ticket, maybe lady luck will stick with me and I can win the jackpot.  That sure would be nice.  I wouldn’t mind splitting or having to share it with another winner  - I would like enough to retire but I will gladly settle for enough to keep me comfortable for many years to come.  I guess we shall see what the God’s have in store for me. 

The kids want to go to bed and I really want to stay up but my eye sight is starting to diminish which is a nice way of my body telling me you need to go to bed. 

Before I go just want to list a couple more accomplishments that I made today.  I found a serial cable for my TiVo and my cable box supports it so I hooked it up and it works great, until you put in a high channel number like 181.  Then it just starts jumping channels and won’t stop.  Glad I found that out in advance.  I switched back to the blasted IR Blaster, which more often than not doesn’t tell the box to change to the right channel and I don’t get all of the programs I want to watch. 

I reclaimed my dresser by putting away all of the junk that was piled upon top of it.  I also moved a snow globe that was given to my partner to a bookshelf.  Since Blu has taken to knocking things off I wouldn’t want him to break the globe, it’s not something that can be replaced.  It is one of a kind. 

Okay so I am wrapping it up.  Happy Holidays! Off to get some beauty sleep, I hear I really need it.  Then we can enter Sad Sunday together.  Perhaps I will accomplish more tomorrow or perhaps it will just be one last chance to lounge and nap.  Time will tell.  Talk with you peeps later!

The Day After

No Black Friday shopping for me.  I stayed home and enjoyed the fuzzies and had left overs for lunch and supper. 

Thanksgiving it’s self was okay.  It felt rather odd not having my partner there with us.  I didn’t get as much stuffing as I wanted.  I deprived myself of breakfast in order to have plenty of room.  However, we were surrounded by food.  We accidentally got  an extra dish of pasta which helped out a lot.  My friends thanked me for putting this together and they paid the bill.  I totally didn’t expect that but it sure was a nice gift. 

I did go cyber shopping.  I had purchased them a Roku box the evening before.  I got an e-mail and they are 20% off but it was for a couple days and then it’s done.  I bought 2 with the intent of putting one in the living room and giving the other as a gift.  It’s not what they want for Christmas but I think they will enjoy it.  Especially if they add Netflix or Hulu Plus then your pretty well set.  Even w/o a subscription based service there is Crackle and they have some good stuff but you have to put up with advertisement. 

Work did let us go early and I came home and took a nap.  I got my Bluetooth speaker and well it’s not portable unless you have AC to power it.  No wonder it was so cheap.  It sounds great but I just can’t use it in the truck.  I will have to look into something that is portable with a battery in it.

Speaking of which I have tons of batteries here.  I found even more when I went cleaning my guys office.  I managed to get most of the stuff off of the floor.  There were just piles of crap.  Now I have to clean off his desk and the small pile in front of the closet and then we are done.  Right now I am pretty wore out. 

I love to clean on my days off especially this time of the year.  It is normal for me to go crazy and want to boil, sterilize and beautify the house today was focused on his office.  I wanted to get to the basement but the office was a full days worth of work just to get where I am at and I am still NOT done.  There was plenty of trash and I found all of his missing tools.  They were in boxes or buried under the piles. 

I found a box of photos today and had to go through them.  Wow I was so much younger and it was a trip down memory lane.  Then I caught myself and said boy we sure did have fun.  Yeah we really did.  There were several trips in there mostly of Branson, MO and a few photos of Oklahoma.  We stopped at the world’s Largest McDonald’s.  I had forgotten all about that.  When I was younger and didn’t have a care in the world he would take time off and we would go driving cross country.  It was fun.  There was the boring drive but after that got out of the way we had shows to visit, places to see during the day, food to eat.  We had our share of bedtime fun as well but mostly we were worn out and just wanted to rest for the next day.  I remember he wanted to go to sleep early so he could get up early and I didn’t want to rise before noon.  That didn’t work real well and he had to yell a lot to get me going but we worked it out.  Ah to have those days back again that would be fun. 

He sure had a lot of crap.  The one thing I am certain of is once it’s cleaned up no one will be here to mess it up, except me.  I honestly don’t know what I want to do with the room.  His computer, printer and other office items.  Right now I want to keep them as is but perhaps eventually I will want to sell them.  No need to rush into a decision I’ve got all the time in the world.  Unless I don’t get to keep the place.  In which case I will have to find storage for all of this crap and that could be a challenge.  Deciding what to keep and what to leave behind. 

I sure do miss him, life would be a lot easier if he were here.  Who knows we could perhaps add my name to the mortgage and that would make things easier.  I could be saving some serious money!  Ah well, no sense in living in what if land.  I have to move forward.  Doesn’t mean I can’t think about him though.  Next month with Christmas and our Anniversary as well as January and starting a New Year w/o him that will all feel odd.  I really was looking forward to marking our 1 year anniversary together as a “legal” couple in the eyes of State law.  We were a couple for over 20 years, which is a long damn time.  That’s the part that most people miss.  They think we were together for a short time – not so.  I like having a constant in my life – developing a routine.  Now I am starting all over and it’s simply not fun.

Tomorrow I have to venture out and get cat food, mail and maybe cat litter.  I want to go for pie because I can get a free slice but that is a far drive for a meal and a slice of pie. Something about getting away and being free is what appeals to me.  It’s just me and my music that’s it.  No one to bother me, phones are on but remain silent w/ nothing earth shattering other than a spam e-mail now and then.  I want to drive around the city and check into a motel – spend the night and then drive back the next day.  The kids would be fine but my wallet wouldn’t be.  So that is why I drive up and back.  It’s fun going up and sad coming back.  Sort of like fun starting a long holiday weekend but sad come Sunday afternoon when you realize Monday is around the corner. 

Right now I’ve got 2 days ahead of me so I plan on enjoying them and trying to get the most out of them.  Even if that means taking a couple naps along the way.  There is plenty for me to do right here at home and that way I can take my focus off of money and just work to make things better for me.  Tackling the basement will be quite the challenge and I honestly want to start but just don’t know where to begin.  So much crap!

Well for now it’s time to take the kids their blanket from the dryer and cover the couch.  Then I plan on getting ready for bed.  Watching TV until I fall asleep and when I get up I will start my Saturday.  Momma is pacing waiting for me to get away from the box and pay attention to her. 

Off I go.  Talk with you peeps later.

Here We Go Again

The attorney that I asked to work with the mortgage company got back to me and said that I do qualify for a payment modification.  I just have to complete paperwork that I have completed twice already.  I suppose 3rd time is the charm.  They are willing to work with me, blah, blah.  I’ve heard it all before but I don’t believe a damn word of it until I see different results. 

The attorney wants me to complete the paperwork and send it to the lender.  I told her that I would be completing it and sending it to her to forward on to the lender.  As the lender tends to misplace and lose things I feel it’s better to work through a 3rd party. 

I do NOT have my hopes up that this time will be different.  I have pretty well resigned myself to the fact that I will stay in the house and continue to make the payments for the foreseeable future.  Not what I wanted to do but it looks like it’s the only option at this point.  Perhaps the bank will finally work with me.

I really felt horrible by the time I got home.  My head was spinning my neck hurt and it was obvious to me that something was going on with my body.  I took it easy and went to bed early.  Didn’t make getting out of bed any easier this morning, I debated about staying home. However, I pushed myself and made it out the door and to the office. 

We get to leave early this afternoon so that will help.  The speaker that I ordered went FedEx Smart Post so it’s waiting for me at the post office and I have to see a window clerk because it was too big to fit into my box and apparently their lockers are all full.  Personally I think this is their way of screwing with me because of the fight I had to go through in order to get my notifications setup.  Ah well, as long as they don’t close early I should be fine.  If not then I will get it on Friday. 

Thus far no real plans for Friday or Saturday.  I am not a black Friday shopper that is simply insanity – Cyber Monday is more my speed but honestly who do I have to buy for?  Plus I really can’t afford anything.  I’ve got one set of friends that I want to buy a Roku box for and that is it.  I don’t feel compelled to purchase anything else.  I’m doing good to keep my head above water and if I went crazy I would be out of money in the blink of an eye.

Which reminds me I need to check my lottery tickets.  So I told you I made it to the office, right now it’s a count down until the final hour when we get to leave.  There is plenty of work to be done but who actually wants to work on the day before a major holiday?  Not much gets done from this time of year until the New Year starts.  I think there should be a law where we get from Thanksgiving until the start of the first full week of the New Year off.  Now that is a vacation and something that I think I have earned. Ah well who doesn’t have dreams?  It’s about the one thing I can do and not worry about it costing money.

My stomach is still a mess, if I could just go to the bathroom I am pretty confident that I would feel much better.  If that doesn’t happen naturally soon, I will force it to happen – not exactly something that I really want to do but something that needs to happen.  Not exactly sure how I got into this mess.  Was it germs on a door knob, potato chips or just stress related? 

I expect to sleep much better tonight that I have in the past.  Having time off should help with relaxation.  I don’t want to be sick and miss Turkey day because I have waited all year for it.  In fact I got a call a bit ago from the resturant confirming the reservations for tomorrow.  There will be 5 of us.  I think I will hold up okay but it will sure be odd.  I requested that we be close to the bathroom, just like last year.  That was done out of convenience for my partner.  This year it’s just a small way I am remembering him.  Sounds odd I know.

I received the pay off quote for the house in last nights mail.  I was nervous to open the envelope because you never know what they are sending.  I don’t get a bill, a coupon book or anything to make my parments.  It’s just an understanding that the payment is due and you make it or else.  I would like to receive a statement like the former lender sent.  So you knew exactly where you stood.  If my partner were still alive and paying this he would have missed a payment by now because he always counted on the paper reminder. 

Big Boy got jumpy again this morning but it wasn’t until I put on my coat that it started.  I think it’s from the other day when I accidentally kicked him.  Him and his brother both freak out when you have a plastic bag in your hands.  It’s like oh no it’s the plastic bag… run for the hills.  Hide, help us someone help us it’s going to get us.  I don’t get that reaction but I do understand that reaction when associated with the vacuum cleaner. 

Golly 2 and 1/2 hours to go then I will be out the door and on the road to the post office.  Driving in the day light coming home from work will be foreign to me but it will be nice. 

Sweet dreams for now I am headed back to the salt mine. 

Day 2–Tuesday

So I am taking a break from work.  I’ve been slaving all day long.  Things have finally quieted down for the week I hope.  One more day and then we are done.  I sure hope we get to leave early tomorrow, that would be a nice perk.

They are having Mexican in the office tomorrow.  Nachos and Tacos.  Right now that is the last thing I want.  My stomach is killing me, feels like there is a Mexican in there jumping up and down.  Not sure why but it all started this morning.  I have suffered through the day mostly by keeping busy.  That helps pass time too.

Last night I was supposed to have salad, my usual routine.  I forgot about it and had a new frozen dish – perhaps that is what set it off but you would think it would have started last night.  Anyway, not sure if it will be salad tonight or if I will eat soup.

Just please let this be over with so I can enjoy a good meal on Thursday!

Not having a friend at work really sucks.  She was in today and left early but never stopped in to say have a good holiday or anything.  She kept to herself and I kept to myself.  Wow I hope this doesn’t last forever but think it might.  I am in so much emotional pain and this certainly didn’t help.

I saw a commercial for a Boze portable Bluetooth Speaker.  I figured they wanted an arm and a leg for it and I was right.  I just looked on Amazon for portable Bluetooth Speaker and was overwhelmed with choices.  I found one for $27 and ordered it.  I thought about getting my friends their Christmas present but decided to wait because money is realy tight now. 

The speaker should be waiting for me at the post office along with lord knows what else.  I wasn’t going to stop tonight but since it should be there, I have an incentive to stop.  I love music and it helps me in so many ways.  The CD player in what used to be my guys truck is broken and there is no bluetooth due to it’s age.  So I figured this would be the perfect companion and I can drive and listen to decent music instead of switching between radio stations.  Texting and driving is dangerous but so is flipping through radio stations.  Why is it there always seems to be a commercial on?

This morning Big Boy was making his way around the house more so than normal.  Ever time I got close to him he tensed up and was ready to run.  He let me pet him and he was purring so I’m not exactly sure what the problem is.  I had an accident yesterday morning and thought my foot was higher off the ground than it actually was so he got kicked.  I apologized profusely for it.  He took off like a bat.  I followed him and petted him made sure he was okay and then I left.  Last night he was fine.  His brother on the other hand is boycotting sleeping with me.  He is mad at me because I cleaned him up and gave him medicine.  We will have to see how tonight goes.  I sure miss him come bed time.  I’m used to snuggling and he is an excellent snugler. 

Not exactly sure what else there is to write about, so I guess I am going back to work.  Like I really want to do that, but I am.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Lonely…

Friday is usually a good day but it wasn’t a great day for me.  I sensed that something had changed with my friendship with a co-worker.  She has been giving me bizarre advice and I felt like I was being treated differently.  Well I asked and she told me that I am taking up too much of her time talking to her.  She wants to concentrate on work.  Now she chats with other people in the office but apparently it’s just me that she doesn’t want to talk to.  She didn’t quite know how to tell me but since I asked she thought it was the perfect time.  Jesus given all I have been through this year you’d think that someone would be a little more sensitive, especially since I have been pouring my heart out to them.  I get it she finds me annoying and well I just won’t fucking waste my time talking to her unless it’s business.  I don’t think she knows how much she hurt me but eventually that will make it’s way out.  What kills me is to hear her cutting up with others but she has no time for me.  Honestly I think she knows something and I feel that my job is probably on the line even though she says she doesn’t know anything.  I think differently.  If they are going to fire me, well just do it already.  I am doing the best job possible and if that isn’t good enough well too bad.

I got my hair cut instead of going home, I called ahead and they said there was no waiting.  Yeah I walked in and they were slammed.  There was a cute guy ahead of me and I took my time staring at him and I think I made him uncomfortable.  He was just easy on the eyes.  I learned that he was going to a local college near by.  Interesting what people disclose to the person that does their hair.  It’s like there are no inhibitions. 

I came home and caught hell because I was late but we all ate and pretty well called it a night.  I was uber depressed and was thinking about suicide.  My only problem with that option is the kids.  I have no idea if they would be split up, put down or what exactly would happen to them.  So for their sakes I am still alive for the moment.

Saturday I was still feeling depressed.  The mortgage denial is official and it’s because the sales guy didn’t know that you had to be a previous property owner.  So I am probably out $250 but I have started a small war to try to recover the money.  The sales guy tells me he is still trying to help me but since he has already fucked me over I will think twice before I do business with him.  If they give me back the $250 then that will probably be enough to change my mind. 

I went out to Red Lobster in the evening and that helped to lift my spirits.  From that point on things just started to go back to normal.  I was okay by Sunday.

In starting my small war, my ink jet printer died.  It’s still covered under a warranty but I honestly didn’t feel like calling and talking with a nerd and being put through my paces only in the end to have them see it my way and ship me a replacement printer.  I am tired of the printer and all of the woes I have experienced with it.  It was good while it lasted but we parted ways. 

Sunday I went out and got me a new HP.  I wanted an Epson but Sam’s didn’t have ink for an Epson.  I know there is ink with the printer and I could have bought ink on-line I just wanted to get everything and go.  So that is why I spent a little more money and went with HP.  There are some extra perks of spending the extra money.  I can e-mail anything from anywhere to a special e-mail address and it will print directly to the printer.  Kind of cool.  Plus no special software needed for my iPhone if I am home I can print straight to it  Kind of nice.  It does an okay job.  It’s not a top of the line model but it will suffice for my needs.  I just hope they don’t rob me on ink like the last printer did.

Sensing that Monday was coming I started to get a little depressed.  Got a phone call from a friend who was checking on me.  I pretty well shut everyone out of my life this weekend.  If you wanted or needed me, you had to call me.  I still kind of feel like that.

Oh I did go to the dentist on Saturday – no problems as usual.  Come back in 6 months.  Love that!

Well it’s getting late here and I am tired.  It’s been a long day and tomorrow will be even longer so off I go. 

I am anxious for the food on Thursday but not exactly sure how I will be doing emotionally since this will be the first Thanksgiving w/o my guy.  I miss him more and more as time goes by.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I wish that weren’t  true but it is.

Talk with you all again soon.  Thanks for stopping by.

Plan C ?

It’s been overly busy here at work and there has been little time for me.  Work late, get home late, eat late and go to bed on time.  Just part of the job. 

Yesterday was a good day up until 4pm.  I had an appraisal on the house scheduled for today but the company called and cancelled it saying that the bank said it was no longer needed.  That of course caused me to reach out to my lender and turns out my application was denied.  Not for a very good reason either.  It’s because when filed Bankruptcy I wasn’t a property owner and I didn’t loose property because of filing Bankruptcy like to a short sale.  They knew this going into the process but the underwriter that I got was horse shit and she called it the way she thinks it should be. 

I am furious!  I’ve brought out all of the big guns to try to get this appealed.  I’ve got my congressman’s guy working on it as well I have sought assistance from another congressman via a friend who has a brother that works for him.  Plus the lender is appealing the decision but we won’t know anything for at least 2 weeks because the appeals process takes place via a conference call.  I really need this in order to survive it’s not a matter of convenience. 

A friend of mine told me maybe this is the universes way of telling you that you aren’t getting the house and it’s time to move on.  Yeah, then I have to pick and choose which cats I keep and which cats I get rid of.  That is not an option for me, I can’t make that choice it would be like death all over again.  I know that it’s not practical to have as many cats as I do but I am working with what I have.  It’s not like I am taking in any more.

I’ve spent a lot of time cleaning up the place and right now it appears for nothing.  They are refunding my appraisal fee of $450 but I am stll out the $250 for the class they made me take.  I am trying to get them to refund that provided they don’t give me a loan but it might just be something I have to take a loss on. 

So as you can probably tell not only is there anger there is more depression.  I have actually thought about checking out because I am tired of all of the bullshit this world is flinging my way.  I am very tired, more than anyone can possibly imagine.  Death was bad enough to deal with but all of the after effects are enough to make me wish that I went with him.  No one should have to endure this kind of pain and burden.  I’ve fought for everything that I have in my life and I am tired of fighting.  I need a damn break, a vacation, a couple of drinks and maybe a cute guy.  Not asking for much, right! 

For now I am pressing on and seeing what the outcome of the situation is.  I am all alone and given the situation that I am put in I am scared.  It’s tough when you have no one to turn to.

On the dating front I thought sure the cute guy that hit me up would have responded back by now but nothing yet.  I have hit up a couple other guys but no responses back.  I think I got suckered into subscribing to a service that isn’t going to do anything for me but take my money.  It really doesn’t do a lot for my self esteem.  It would be nice to look forward to a date, to be nervous and then to just hit it off.  Even if the one didn’t go well I could at least say that I had been on a date.

Well it’s getting late, time to pack up my desk and call it a day.  Back tomorrow for one more day.  Then three days next week and off for 4 – plus dinner with friends.  Something to look forward to but certainly not a whole lot. 

Talk with you peeps later.  Sorry for being down but it’s just how I feel right now with the cards I have been dealt.