Howdy … It’s Friday Eve again. It means that I need to gather and set the trash out. Prepare for the march of the Trash Trucks in the morning to wake me up. I’m hoping I can sleep through it. It’s also a light day typically for me. I’ve already got my morning tasks out of the way and I’m sitting waiting for something to happen. I’ve got a meeting to attend this afternoon if it’s not cancelled and that will be my day. The difficult person I was dreading working with yesterday turned out to not say a word to me so it was a cool, calm and collective day. I also managed to get in a mid-morning nap with the kids. We all passed the hell out. It was difficult to get up and get going. However, that impacted my ability to fall asleep last night as well as being able to stay asleep during the night.
Rudy made a large batch of biscuits this morning and slept on top of me until I gave in and finally got out of bed. He’s all about the food. Morea doesn’t much care about food except for now and then. She lets him pig out and then she goes in after what is left, unless she is super hungry then it’s a contest between both of them as to who’s going to finish the can first. Morea was all about attention yesterday and just couldn’t get enough of it. She was crying, at my feet a lot and in and out of my lap. She got sick and I don’t know if she still didn’t feel good or if she was trying to beg for forgiveness. I don’t yell when they get sick, it’s just something that happens to cats. I clean it up and move on, totally not their fault. However, last night she kept taking my chair when I would get up to check the microwave. I caught her at one point trying to jump on the table and that’s when I lost it. The chair is fine but don’t go getting on the table. There are all sorts of dangers up there and she would be like a running bull in a China shop and lots of stuff would fall on the floor. It’s bad enough she hangs out underneath my chair when I eat, just waiting for a crumb to fall. I really have to watch it when I put my medication out. This morning Rudy smelled the fact that I had milk in a mug and he wanted some. I told him milk wasn’t for cats. He just looked at me funny as if to say, aw come on I love the stuff. Yeah but your insides don’t and I’m not dealing with that. Cats are lactose intolerant in case you didn’t know. Some cats can tolerate small amount of milk but the vast majority wind up with all sorts of gastric issues.
You mind find this as odd but I picked up a habit from my late grandfather in that I look at the obituaries on a regular basis. I have an email alert that fires once a day and I get 2 emails but that doesn’t always catch all of the people I know. Last night I found that one of my late spouses neighbors passed away. She was an amazing lady from the stories I heard about her and she apparently moved away from the area. She lived to a very old age and got to enjoy many years of retirement, which is a goal I think all of us would like to reach at some point. She had a job with an outstanding pension and that helped. Pensions have gone out with high button shoes and now the majority of retirement savings is 401K or Roth IRA’s. You might get a match from your employer but honestly if it was up to me I would much rather have a pension, it’s hidden money that you can’t touch and something that you know you can count on one day. I couldn’t help but think of my late spouse when I saw her name. It’s sad that people pass, usually it’s the nice ones and the people who make life miserable seem to live forever, at least that has been my experience.
With time on my hands yesterday just waiting for the close of the day to roll around, I opted to start brushing up my resume. I’ve got this table in my resume that looks great but it’s a nightmare to update. I copied the format from a former blogger many moons ago. That resume has worked magic to get me interviews or have conversations. People are just blown away and truly impressed by it. I want to rework the table but my word skills with tables sucks. Trying to tell Google what I want to accomplish and getting instructions are next to impossible. I’m keeping an eye out for other jobs and I’d like to be ready if I find something that I am truly interested in. While I will probably stay put, you just never know if there is a great opportunity that comes to light that I won’t let it pass me up. I’d like to either stay local to my area or be able to continue to work remote. I keep hearing my inner voice say it’s time to move on but it’s mostly frustration that I am dealing with over things that I can’t control and that won’t change. Were always going to have plenty of meetings, politics and ass hats to work with. I am sure I will find that most any place that I go. I think that this year I will be celebrating 9 long years and it’s the longest that I have ever stayed at one organization. If I can make it to 10 years I will get a nice bonus and I do look forward to that. However, I’ve put up with a lot of BS in that 9 years and quite frankly I am growing tired. I do think heavily about the pros and cons. I’m comfortable and that’s typically when you get complacent and moving on becomes more of a chore. I like the longevity and the many things that I accomplished on my own with no help. This job is the only job I’ve held since my spouse passed away and it took some miracle working on my part to land here, so while I have wanted to leave for many years I always manage to talk myself off the ledge. I’m positive that he is truly proud of me for landing this, despite not knowing about it. It’s also worked to my advantage to stay put thus far as I am making the most money I’ve ever made in my entire life and if I mess up and lose this, I will truly be in a world of hurt. There has never in my life been so much riding on my employment. It’s scary when I think about it. I am most thankful that I have a job and that they have been understanding during difficult times and when I’ve been seriously ill. I kind of feel like I am looking a gift horse in the mouth but at the same time I want to be happy. I don’t know that I will ever enjoy working for a living, I’d like to trade that in for a winning lottery ticket because I do not now nor do I think I will ever have enough money saved to retire on. I tell everyone that I will be working up until lunch time on the day of my funeral. I really don’t want that to be a true statement but I think it probably is. I don’t think that it’s wrong to look but I do think twice before I go through the task of applying and not having an up to date resume has thus far kept me from doing anything that I will regret. I’ve talked it over with others before and it’s probably best to stay put at least for now. However, I’m the poor SOB that has to deal with all of this and I’ve kept my mouth from spewing my frustrations out but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to stay quiet and not start screaming. Like I said I will probably stay put but I am still looking to see if there is something that might be worthwhile.
It hit me yesterday when I was updating my resume, the calls from my boss I got a few months ago asking about the timing of my promotion wasn’t because I was getting another one it was to time my colleagues promotion and we both spent roughly the same amount of time in the entry level job before being promoted to a senior level role. I feel like I earned my move and went through much more hell than he ever will and that I am smarter and stronger because of that. Yeah I’ve got a personal beef with him but looking at it through a professional lens I still don’t feel that it was right for him to get promoted. I know he wants to have another kid and well I want a Rolls Royce and a Rolex watch but I’ll never have them. People in hell want ice water as the saying goes. I think he got his promotion because the timing was right and the organization didn’t want to lose him but he wasn’t looking to leave. I think unless things get really uncomfortable for him that he will probably be there for a very long time.
Perhaps the cure to my troubles is finding a man and well I haven’t resumed looking. It is on my to do list and I plan to get to it soon. It’s much like applying for a job but way more awkward. You’re vetting the person, making sure that your compatible and a lot of it’s based on vibes and conversation that you have. Both looking for a man and a job are quite exhausting. Also, the longer I wait the more age is working against me or so I think. I know one thing is that I am not happy and I’m kind of the only one who can change that. There isn’t anyone who can or will do it for me. Finding Mr. Right is quite a challenge and I already have predisposed myself to the fact that I will probably always be alone. Just like with a cat I am not looking for a replacement, I am looking for a new guy. Thinking in terms of replacement there isn’t anyone who will ever measure up so it's like a losing battle. If you look at it as looking for a new that’s a different game and it gives me a much better attitude and outlook. Dating is a game and I’m not a game player. I don’t know that I will ever have the right words but it doesn’t stop me from trying. I much prefer in person contact than relying on an app. Which is kind of why I ask waiters out it’s a bold move and it takes a lot of guts. I’m proud that I have been able to go through that even though the results have been less than promising. I’m never up for rejection or hurt but I know it’s part of the game.
Okay enough babble for one day. I am thinking of going up to sit with the kids and take another one of those mid-morning naps. It’s a cold rainy day and it’s perfect sleeping weather. I know that if I do that my phone will start going bananas just like yesterday. The damn thing has eyes in it. When I want it to alert me or ring it doesn’t but it’s when I don’t want it to bother me that it does.
I am hoping that the quiet theme continues through the weekend and that I am able to enjoy my down time. I also hope that you’re doing well and life is treating you fair. Take care and we will talk again soon. Be well.
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