* This is some random things I need to talk about *
This morning I got some disturbing news on Twitter. Many moons ago I followed Will & RJ on YouTube. I remember attending their wedding which was live streamed on YouTube. It was my first gay wedding and I was more than a bit emotional. They looked so much like the perfect couple. Shortly after they were married they stopped daily vlogging which was a tough pill for me and many others to swallow. I learned that they divorced I believe last year, possibly longer. I was sad their marriage didn’t last a lifetime. So you have some back story. Well they adopted a German Shepard puppy and named him Dobby. He grew up to be a big dog. He was in a lot of their videos. The poor thing had a problem with seizures. It was pretty traumatic, they filmed one and put it on YouTube. Well turns out that Dobby passed away 2 months ago from liver failure. Dobby stayed with Will after the divorce. I was crushed to learn of his passing. This was a very difficult thing for Will and experiencing pet loss myself I can relate. I remember posting when I got bad news about Ruth on FB and I never ever followed up to tell everyone that she passed. It’s just too difficult. While I get that Will is entitled to privacy and he no longer is posting videos I really hope that he comes back to YouTube. I went to check out his page I used to watch old videos from time to time and the next crushing blow hit me. All of the old videos are gone. I’ve scoured the internet and unless you downloaded them your pretty much out of luck. Sad. I used to write them from time to time and event sent them a gift one time, RJ said my name on camera and I had to rewind that to hear it a couple times. I liked them both as a couple but when a couple splits everyone that knew them takes sides. I’m on Team Will. I wish that we were friends and new each other better to where I could pick up the phone and call him. I want nothing more than to hug him, I feel his pain.
On a different note last night I got caught up in looking at old photos and videos of my life and memories that I made with my late spouse. I get a daily dose of past photos via Amazon Photos which is nice to reflect on but it also helps drudge up old feelings. I really had a great life and made some good memories. I wish that I could go back to happier times when I seemed to take things for granted and not focus on the fact that some day I would be all alone. I’m going to survive everyone from my late spouse to all of the cats. To thing about that is horrifying and scary. Life will always continue to go on. I only hope that I can experience true happiness again and soon.
Some of those past memories were of my brother. I can’t help but wonder how things are going for him and if he is truly as happy as he was when he got married. Of course I’d love nothing more than to slap him for marrying that witch but it’s his life and he can make poor decisions if he wants to. I can’t help but think the bottom is going to fall out and he thought he was depressed before well if I am right he will be even more depressed if that happens. I doubt seriously if he will ever reach back out to me again. While I want to hear from him, I don’t want to get caught up in his life again and invest because in the end it will hurt me. He’s toxic but he’s also the only living blood family I have left. I really wish that we were true brothers and there for each other in good times and in bad. However, it’s better in many ways that we are apart. Our lives are polar opposites he likes women and I like men. He likes physical labor and I like office work. He likes to smoke and drink and I like to eat and drink soda. However, we each have the ability to make the other one laugh or be mad. I looked at our last text message conversation from earlier this year. It’s like I am trapped in a nightmare and can’t seem to wake up. I just can’t believe that after all of the crap she put him through he was dumb enough to take her back. We each saw our mom make horrible decisions and she had really bad taste in men. Meaning none of them were LTR material. We saw her marry one guy two times. She was quick to forgive and forget (not sure if she actually forgot) and my brother appears to be following in her footsteps. I on the other hand am not like that.
Ah okay so now that I have let my hair down I think I should get away from this machine and go spend time with my furry family. Snow is adding up and I have serious doubts if I will be leaving the house tomorrow. Things will be icing up overnight and ice & I don’t get along well. Once you fall you don’t tend to forget it.
Amazon got me again. I had to order vitamins so I bought a shoulder/neck massager I have had my eye on. It can’t get here fast enough. There is this knot in my back that no matter what I do I can’t seem to work out. I need a massage to get beaten up and get this worked out. Moving back to our permeant location at work next month will put me in a better position to get massages it’s just a matter of affording them. In case you care I found that the next pen I want is dropping in price, it’s actually almost below $100 once that happens I will pounce like a cat on fresh salmon.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Stop by again to find out what else is new in my life.
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