2 Years ago today

Today is a day that will live in my brain for a very long time.  In just about 30 minutes it will mark the 2 year mark when I got the call that my then partner had passed. 

For those of you that are new here, he had a massive stroke that put him in a coma and I had to remove life support.  It was the single most difficult moment in my life, however I was at peace with my decision because we had talked about this very moment years before it happened.  It’s not a fun conversation to have but it is important that others know your wishes.  We were together for 20 plus years and he was my everything. 

2 years ago I thought that everything was going to implode and that I was going to lose it all.  I’ve had to do more than my fair share of fighting and it’s been an uphill battle the entire way.  I’ve made it and from the way it looks I’ve won, I mean I’m still here and things have fallen into place.  I thought that it would never happen but just when your about to give up, you have to dig deep and find that resolve to keep fighting until there is no more fighting to do.

This experience has taught me a lot of life lessons, I learned who my true friends were.  Most importantly I learned that while life was different, lonely and that it sucked with out my best friend by my side, that I could and would and will make it.  For the first time in my life I am truly on my own and I am self sufficient – that is something I am very proud of.  Plus that I have managed to retain our home, our cats (minus 1 I lost last year) and both of our vehicles. 

So while this is nothing that I would wish on anyone, I can tell you that it is possible to make lemonade while being pelted by the many lemons that came at me.

I know he would be proud of me.  I am still keeping my promise and when I get down, I think about that promise and our cats.  I give all the credit to the cats that I am still going.  I am moving on despite the fact that I don’t like it.  I hope and pray that I can find another guy and we can have the same dynamic and build the rest of our lives together.