Today is a difficult day for me, it marks the one year passing of Gator. I made it to the office but I went kicking and screaming. I wanted to just hole up and shut the world out today. Just sit and watch TV or sleep and be with Rudy & Mora. However, I know that wouldn’t have been much of a productive day.
I remember this day like it was yesterday, it’s cold like it was last year but this afternoon it’s supposed to warm up a little bit. I know there is no more suffering and no more waiting or wondering and no worrying. Still I miss that 18 year old girl who would be 19 now. It’s a long time and that’s why it hurts so much. I went through her photo album earlier in the week and Mora came over and hugged me. I didn’t’ make a sound or say a word but she just knew. I just hope that my little girl is with her family and the lights didn’t just get shutoff as I suspect that’s what happens regardless if your an animal or a human. One day your here and then suddenly your not. Death and the afterlife aren’t exactly great subjects for me. I have always had a hard time with death since I was a kid and it has only grown worse as an adult.
I know that I am paving a new road now but honestly I don’t want to. However, life is all about moving forward and not about looking back. I’m human and tend to think about the past a lot, primarily because it was happier times but I didn’t know it then like I know it now.
I’m thankful for everything except the pain. It won’t be too many more weeks and we will mark Mora & Rudy’s 1 year anniversary of us being together. That’s next month though.
On my way to work I got a notification there was someone at my front door. It was the mailman dropping off a flat that looks much like the firetruck calendar that I ordered. I won’t be able to confirm that for sure until I get home, provided it’s still there. Tis the season for package thefts. I don’t think anyone would want it but then again you just never know.
I tracked my pen and it’s already made it’s way to the local distribution center so it should be delivered with in a day or two at most. It would be nice if the mailman brought that to my front door but I don’t expect it. All of the shipping carriers are running extra routes through my neighborhood and FedEx and the post office are the two most popular as I see their trucks the most, even on Sundays.
Wolfed down part of my lunch and then started surfing and blogging. The morning was a little busy here but I was also productive as well. Had a morning meeting and have an afternoon one to go to here in a while. Then the day is pretty well done. I stick around just in case something shakes loose but I hope to be gone by 3 and home by 4. It’s the last day of this year that I plan to come to the office unless there is some reason for me to come back. I am on-call next week and after Christmas the last week of the year is short by 1 day because of the holiday. For the most part no one will be here and not much happens then so I see no point in coming back not even for 1 day. I wish we were like Cisco and hot a holiday shutdown break and didn’t have to come back until next year but that’s not how things work here.
I’ve got plenty of time in the bank so I can take off when I want but I would rather have it planned than unplanned. If I went any place right now it would be some place warm on the West Coast. However, no vacation or travel plans at the moment. Just kind of waiting for the year to fizzle out and the new year to start and we do the same thing over again. Not all of the faces will be the same but the work for me will be. Thankful for my job but wish it came with less BS and politics.
Happy Tuesday. Back to the salt mines for now, trying to keep my mind occupied so I don’t dwell about Gator but my mind seems to go back there regardless. Rudy & Mora will be getting some hugs tonight for sure!
Thanks for stopping by, talk with you all again soon.
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