Morning, we made it to the ½ way point in the week. I had a decent evening with the cats. Watched a movie on Prime that I paid for called “The subtle art of not giving a f**k”. It’s based on the book, which I’ve always wanted to read but never did. It’s about a guy who had a bunch of bad things happen in his life at an early age and how he reacted. It’s honestly a book/movie deal of a lifetime that anyone could write based on their life experience/story. The take away was that there are very few things in this world that actually matter. We all loose focus of that in our day to day lives. You need to take a walk on a cliffs edge as a reminder to focus and think about what really actually matters, the rest of the stuff just don’t give a fuck about it. Now if it was just that easy to put into practice. It was a good movie and worth the money I spent on it. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch.
I will say that I had some crazy dreams after watching the movie but still it wouldn’t cause me to do anything different. It was a great evening’s entertainment. So much so that I focused on the cats and TV and didn’t go to social media until after the movie was over with. The movie talks about social media and how everyone is having a good time or so it appears. However, everyone deals with similar crap/problems and no one’s life is storybook perfect. I get that but looking at social media what is front & center is all of the good and very little if any bad that is happening. No wonder we all think that everyone’s life is awesome compared to our own.
Not much is going on here. I woke up to more money in my bank account and yes it was due to a tax refund. I’ve got 1 more refund to get and then my collecting is over with. I transfer all of the money straight from checking to savings. I’ve got plenty of things that I could waste it on that I really want to buy but I just put those items on my Amazon shopping list and look at it. I watch prices and when I think the time is right or I want to treat myself that’s when I indulge in a purchase. I never buy anything that I can’t pay cash for. I’ve got my eyes on a couple pens, I always think once I buy this one my collection will be complete but it never seems to get that way. I always want more. Sort of like if I see a cool coffee mug or a hat. I’ve got an addictive personality but only when it comes to certain things. Thankfully I don’t really like the taste or smell of alcohol or I’m sure I’d be an alcoholic like my brother. I never smoked or did drugs, again that’s a good thing because I can see getting sucked into that. If you’ve been a long time reader you already know this but my vices are food (primarily pasta & sweets) and gay porn or men. I still don’t know that if I got a man that I would/could stop gay porn because I’ve been at it for so long. I was exposed to porn in general at a young age and it just drew me in like water to a thirsty person. It was straight porn but still I was hooked.
On the man front. Many years ago, I saw a young waiter that worked at a couple local restaurants that I dined at. He had a boyfriend but I learned of his name through a waitress that I befriended. It was kind of sad but he broke up with his boyfriend. I’ve been following him on social media and he was 18. Now he’s in his late 20’s graduated college and is focusing on improving his body. Man, he posted a nice shirtless selfie (no nudity). I commented and he’s got no idea who I am. It’s not the first time I commented on something that he posted. He’s always so polite and appreciative of my comments. Which I find uncommon for a young person. He’s no longer a waiter but I saw that he was into some drugs when he was in college, which is a turn off for me. It’s nothing major but it is enough to dissuade me. I still wanted to hit on him, despite the vast age difference. However, I resisted the temptation. I know that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take but I’m a decent judge of character and I don’t know that we would mix well as a couple. We might be friends. However, right now I’m just a stranger in the shadows.
I did a Google search of dating services in my area. They make some pretty big promises and don’t discuss fees or costs on-line. I can only imagine it’s expensive. While I am tempted to go back to a dating app, I’ve not had good luck with them or with asking hot waiters out so I feel the need to change up my approach. I don’t mind asking out a complete stranger that I think is HOT it’s ballsy, puts me on the edge of my seat and gives me kind of a rush if I actually go through with it. I’m usually expecting a no and am unprepared when the guy says yes or lets get a phone #. I’ve been on some first dates, although it’s been like 2 or 3. I’ve never ever had a 2nd date. I think finding love is difficult but being gay or same sex attracted adds an additional layer of complexity to the equation. Then when your older (like me) don’t really get out or have a friend group it makes it damn next to impossible. I see and know the obstacles but trying to overcome them seems to be my kryptonite. I hear there is someone for everyone and that love will come along, perhaps when I am least expecting it. However, it’s been close to 10 damn years and not much has changed in this area. I keep doing the same things, expecting different results and it just isn’t happening. Correct me if I am wrong but isn’t that the definition of insanity?
I know February is love month with Valentine’s Day. I am purposely not actively engaged in a search now because of that. Once V-Day passes I will be more open to looking. I need to improve my gaydar and perhaps make a trip to a gay club or bar. I am really against a bar because those are usually filled with drinkers & smokers and I am neither. However, I don’t really know the best way to meet a good man. I hear I am a good dude or a good soul but thus far that hasn’t given me any advantage.
The weekend is more in my sights now. I’ve got a haircut lined up on Saturday. I need to hit up Sam’s Club and for sure this is the weekend I need to buy some damn cat food. I don’t think these guys are going to be nearly as expensive as Gator or her entire family was but they are still going to eat up some of my money. Thinking about eating out for dinner on Saturday. I already know that I am going back to the new breakfast place on Sunday. Thinking of getting a burger with an egg there so that kind of puts some limits on what I have for Dinner the night before. Thankful that I am NOT on call and can power off my phone. Just hope that the cats let me sleep when I want to and they behave themselves.
Have a great day, stay safe, be well and take care. Talk with you all again soon. Thanks for stopping by!
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