The Gator

Ms. Instigator’s problems have gone from bad to worse.  I maybe have 3 hours sleep, she had me up most of the night asking for food.  Just as I would fall asleep she would wake me.  I eventually had to kick her out to get in the last hour of sleep and that was not sound sleep.  She acted interested and ate a little bit but then turned her nose up at the food and either walked away or promptly asked for new food. 

I’ve had a very bad feeling since last weekend about her and that I am going to lose her, this kind of cements that in a bit more. 

We are at the point where this is no longer fair to either her or me.  I honestly want to give up but I can’t because that isn’t in me and it wouldn’t be fair to her.  I’ve made a vet appointment but they can’t get me in for a couple weeks.  If things get worse they said to call back and they would move her appointment up. 

I will have to make another trip to the cat food store, I believe today or for sure tomorrow.  She doesn’t have enough food to make it to Saturday unless her appetite slows down.

I am not a betting man but right now my money is on a Thyroid problem.  There are a few things that it could be … Thyroid, Diabetes, Worms (don’t know how she would have gotten them), Pregnancy (that would be the true immaculate conception), Psychological as in learned behavior this could also be due to the loss of her mom and brother in a short period of time or finally Cancer, which would be in her intestines.  However, cancer usually presents with rapid weight loss and a decline in appetite. 

When your around someone or something daily you don’t notice subtle weight loss or weight gain but the rapid stuff if it in a very short period of time will be obvious.  I did a look back through photos and see that it does appear she has lost some weight.

Right now it’s a lot of speculation and I won’t have actual answers until the vet sees her and blood work results are back.  There absolutely has to be something metabolic going on with her unless this is psychological, which I highly doubt but then again she does know how to play me. 

I know she is 17 and that is old or geriatric for a cat.  My hope is to squeeze a couple more years out of her but right now I don’t know if I will get my wish.  No matter when she goes it won’t be a good time even if that time is another 17 years from now.  This is the last emotional rollercoaster ride I plan to take for a very long time.  I will see this through but after this if I can muster the will to go on after she is gone, I don’t see myself getting another pet.

While I want answers I don’t know that I can handle what I think I am about to be told unless it’s something simple like her Thyroid.  If there is any evidence that she is suffering in any way (other than being hungry) I will let her go because I don’t want her to experience long term suffering it’s just not fair to her. 

The best Birthday present I can get is a simple issue diagnosis and more time with her.  Obviously, I am hoping for the best but I am painfully aware of how this can play out.  It’s the not knowing and then the waiting for the other shoe to drop that gets me.  Emotionally, mentally and physically draining on me.  I’m really glad right now for being able to work form home, there is no way in hell that I can imagine going into the office with so little sleep.  I’ve done it before but it’s not fun, then again adulting doesn’t seem that fun. 

I may or may not be regular with my posting and hope that you will understand if I am absent for either a short or long period of time, it all depends on what is going on and how I feel.  I just wanted to blurt all of this out before I manage to climb upstairs and continue my work day.  It will surprise me greatly if I manage to make it through the day without a nap.   

Looking for answers, a miracle and rest/sanity.