Gator is still eating like crazy. She likes the gravy and has figured out that she can down one serving and then ask for another. While she has calmed down with waking me up in the middle of the night it’s only mildly so. This morning I was up at 5, 6 and 8 … really didn’t want to get out of bed and on two of those wake up calls just as I made it back to bed and got settled she came in asking for more food. I would love to tell her no but then I think if you were in her shoes would you want to hear the word no.
This is the first time I have had a cat who’s appetite just increased out of the blue. Normally I am used to them stopping to eat and that isn’t always an easy fix. You start slow and work your way back but if they are truly on the way out they won’t really want much to do with food and/or water. In this case all she does is eat primarily consuming the juice or gravy and leaving the rest of the food behind. She drinks but it’s very little. My mind is racing wondering how she is truly feeling, if she is disguising or masking any feelings. She does a lot of sleeping but that is normal for an older cat, she maybe has 1 to 2 hours if that she is awake the rest of the time it’s lights out.
I found myself in the cat food store picking up more gravy packets of food. I bought two boxes since she mows through them quickly. Were still on the first box I got on Thursday but it’s winding down and I am guessing that it will be all gone by tomorrow afternoon or Monday at the latest.
Regardless of what I do I still have this sinking feeling that I am going to loose her and that it’s going to be soon. By soon I mean weeks to months. While I was in the cat food store the thought occurred to me that I might not be having to purchase cat food that much longer. It was tough to keep it together but I managed.
I am very eager to get her into the vet and get this show on the road. Things will either get better or not. I still have times when I am tempted to just give up and call it quits but that would be throwing the baby out with the bath water and this could be a minor problem. In my heart I don’t believe that it’s minor but if I hear that from a vet then I will calm down a bit until then I am very much on edge and will continue to worry about her. I wonder if the waiting for the vet appointment is going to make things worse, I kind of think so but I know I always have the emergency visit as an option if I really want to speed things up.
Her disposition is pretty well normal, except for the wanting food. She is still grooming herself and still seeks me out both of which are good signs.The more I look at her and review past photos I see some evidence of weight loss. I am the one who can stand to loose several pounds, she on the other hand was only slightly overweight for the old lady that she is.
I just can’t imagine my life without her let alone a pet, this place will feel even more empty when she is no longer here. It’s just gut wrenching agony for me and perhaps I am reading too much into it. However, with all of my other cats I got this same feeling and I knew that death was very much in the future but I tried to deny it.
I keep going back to the fact that she has made it 17 years, never taken any medicine, only been to the vet once she she had her alteration surgery and she is by far the cat that has been the most economical to own. I really want out of this situation and do hope that someone or something smiles on us and we get a break so that we can have more time together. It’s like I am waiting to exhale and it’s just overwhelming and exhausting. I want the fairy tale ending that she lived happily ever after but looking at it realistically I know that ending might not come to pass.
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