Fixed

Not exactly sure why but last night I didn’t sleep well.  I woke up to go to the bathroom, Gator grabbed my attention on the way back to bed and I had to comfort her.  Not really sure what the issue is/was.  She won’t jump up on the couch in the living room any more, I have to pick her up.  I did it once and that was one too many times.  She still jumps up in my chair and will get into bed with me.  So I don’t think it’s her legs that are bothering her.  Anyway back on point when I woke up I felt like I hadn’t slept at all so I opted to stay home.  I should have pushed myself but I am kind of tired of doing that.  Especially when there was nothing on the books for today and it would have likely been a boring day with me looking for things to do. 

Much to my surprise the guy I spoke with last night came by around 11:30 and fixed the downspout.  It was 15 minutes worth of work and he was here and gone.  I checked out his work after the fact and it’s solid.  He used sheet metal screws so the shit won’t blow down or blow away.  I am confident in his work and rain is in the forecast for a few days, so it will be a good test to see if my issue is fixed or if there is a larger problem laying in wait.  I got a text when he was done and I phoned him.  He was thinking about what I was told by the demo guy and he thinks I have rot and not mold.  He wants to take a second look and cut out the piece that needs to be removed, get a replacement in and then he thinks my troubles will be over.  I disagree with him, I had mushrooms growing and that is a clear sign mold is present.  I have read and was warned about letting someone else do the work, you need a specific professional.  If this isn’t properly cleaned up there are health consequences not to mention the fact that this shit can spread.  It may not grow because it has no water source but if one day the conditions are just right and there is a water source, bam you have a major issue on your hands.  I’m all too happy to let him look but actually do any work well that is another story.  I may call him back after the demo guy is done but most likely I think and hope that were done. 

This little moldy project evoked so many emotions from sadness, frustration, loneliness to anger.  It really seems like the mold was growing inside of me as if it were cancer and eating me alive.  I thought this would be the end of me and while the fight isn’t over yet, I feel much better with the progress that has been made today.  I feel like I am well on my way to putting this in the past.  It’s not something I am proud of but I am not the only person in the world that this has happened to.  A problem minor or major can be made worse if your all alone that is the tough part.  Honestly I am all alone, I know I don’t need anyone in this world to make it.  I have proven that to myself but it doesn’t mean I want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I need a rock or at best a cork board (it’s humor because it’s less solid than a rock) to help me through the rough times.  I can’t say I am looking for marriage but I am looking for another long term relationship.  I miss having someone compliment and complete me as I equally compliment and complete them.  I took a lot for granted and life has taught me a lot over the past 6 years.  I am sure there is plenty more to learn but hopefully no more hard lessons.  I still feel oddly giddy about 2020 like something big is going to happen and I am so anxious.  I am ready for happiness, enjoyment and to feel like I am on cloud 9 and I’m not talking about a tv show.  

I did eventually get in a couple naps.  I had way too much sugar, the only actual semi decent meal I had was supper and that came out of a cardboard box.  I watched a bunch of YouTube videos a couple coming out stories that were interesting to hear.  I find it strange that a kid is willing to pick up a video camera tell the world his full name as well as his location, where he went to high school and where he is going for college and then says he’s gay.  That would have never flown when I was in high school but the times they have changed, I mean that was 30 years ago.  If you came out or even suspected of being gay you were ridiculed, ostracized and your life was hell on earth.  People tell you that it gets better and it truly does.  Taking the first step to tell those around you much less the world that your gay and show that you have confidence and backbone things do get better.  It’s not a choice, you can’t pray it away, no one can be converted and your parents did nothing wrong.  It’s just who you are as a person.  It can suck being different but it’s also a beautiful thing. 

I am not happy that I am spending the rest of the evening at home, I can’t wait to get out of here but really don’t want to go back to work.  However, I know that being out for a day will cause a slight increase in work, being out for two days can cause madness.  I haven’t even peeked at my email and I don’t have plans to but my curiosity might get the best of me.  Sometimes it’s good to know what your walking back into and other times it’s better off if it’s a surprise.  I will probably be foaming at the mouth with cuss words a plenty but at least I won’t be bored.  See there is a bright side even if that is a whacky thought!

The month is hardly over with yet and the grass guy has already sent me a bill.  I’ve only been in the hole to him for $70 at a time and there is an extra week in the month.  I had plans to schedule an early payment to him but now I am going to wait until I get his bill and see what he is charging me before I go doing a good deed.  He is paranoid that I am going to stiff him and that hasn’t happened yet and it won’t.  I mean I need someone to cut my grass.  We have a very good thing going and I am impressed with how stringent he adheres to the every two week schedule.  I just wish he wouldn’t show up at 7am.  I hate the smell of freshly gut grass mostly because I am allergic. 

The main event for tonight is the 2nd to the last episode of Suits.  The final episode will air next Wednesday and then Harvey, Donna, Louis and company will all be gone.  That is sad but it’s been a good run and I have really enjoyed watching the show unfold.  Eventually you run out of things to write about and/or life happens and it’s time to bring things to a natural close.  With the loss of Megan Markle and Patrick J. Adams the dynamic of the show changed.  Even bringing Patrick J. Adams back for a couple guest appearances is great the dynamic of the show has changed and it caused a lot of people to be upset, withdraw or generally loose interest.  However, there are some die hard fans that won’t let go and I am proud to say I am one of them.  I fully admit I only watched the show because of Patrick J. Adams but I’m hooked and I have to see how this all ends.

So outside of Gator crying here and there.  Momma has a mole on her back leg that she has picked at by chewing on it.  If you touch it she comes unglued.  I was looking at it last night and the slightest little touch and the damn thing started bleeding.  This is one of those things that I want to go away.  It’s been there for a while and she has always picked at it but not to this point.  I think if I head to the vet with her I will get bad news and I just can’t handle that right now.  She is normal and can walk fine.  She is always in my face and has been pestering me all day long.  I love her so much and she loves me.  We were meant to be together and we both have done a great job taking care of the other as well as her family.  I’ve got a watchful eye on all of them and if they need to get to the vet it happens but right now I am in a watch and wait state.  If this doesn’t clear up or gets worse she is going bad news or not.  I’d love to break out a razor and just slice the damn thing off but I know that would hurt and I would probably be doing more damage than good.  She has a mole on her face as well in her whiskers that has been there for years.  It shrinks slightly and other times it looks like she has a large tick on her face.  That is what I was checking on her leg, it kind of looks like a tick but it’s not. 

I’m honestly looking to coast the rest of the year with no bad news or major negative changes like death or sickness.  I don’t expect joy or good things but if that happens I am certainly not opposed to it.  Going on a date or meeting someone would be good and I am working on making that happen. 

I guess I have babbled on enough.  Time to go surfing on the net.  Reboot my machine and eventually hike backup stairs to deal with the trash and be with the furry family.  Here’s hoping the rest of the week will be a breeze for all of us.  Cheers!