Sunday

I had an insomnia attack last night.  Grabbed a soda and some chocolate covered pretzels and watched SNL.  By the time the show was over my sugar coma kicked in and I went back to bed.  Gator was all up in my grill to get out of bed at 8a.  I obliged because I had plenty to do today. 

Went to Steak N Shake and saw the usual crowd.  I chat with a few people but it’s all random social conversation.  One of the guys there is older and he is a nice guy.  He gives out silver dollars to kids.  Brings in coupons and gives them to total strangers it’s just the nicest thing ever.  I got a .999% copper coin from him today.  I think he said it’s worth $2 and while it looks to be real US Currency I would have to have it validated by a bank before I tried to turn it in for change.  It’s a nice thing and for now I plan to keep it.  He gave me a silver dollar before and I gave it to my waitress as a tip.  I must have spent 30 minutes in conversation with this guy and a brother/sister couple.  The big topic of conversation was the location of a specific hair salon.  I nudged my way into the conversation and turns out I had the directions they were looking for.  Imagine that! 

Hit up 2 grocery stores.  Bought lottery tickets at 1 and the other got my grocery's.  I am looking for the Stouffer’s Broccoli & Chicken Casserole that I used to buy.  It was awesome and something different to have besides pizza.  I am tired of pizza and wanted to switch things up but neither store had it.  So I wrote to Stouffers and asked them.  I probably won’t get a response until tomorrow.  There is a third grocery chain that is 100% upscale and they have a few stores.  One of which is by my office, I could stop in there but I don’t want to go unless I know for a fact they have it.  The things I will do for food. 

Marv has been so clingy this weekend.  We have spent time on the couch together.  He grabs my hand so I can’t use my phone or get away and he holds on tight.  Then he hunkers down and eventually relaxes his grip as he drifts off into sleep.  Early Saturday morning I got the scare of a lifetime when I woke up.  I saw him on the floor and just by the position he was in and the fact there was no movement in his chest I thought for sure he was dead.  Then he surprised me when I softly spoke his name, he came to life as if to say what do you want, I was sleeping.  Holy Hell!  I enjoy time with my Marvin.  Last night he motioned that he wanted up in bed with me but I wouldn’t bring him up.  I don’t want to risk causing an injury to his back legs.  We have played several games of ball.  I take the sponge ball and kick it towards him and he grabs it and plays with it and eventually will kick it back.  Once I get him in a rhythm it’s hard to break.  I finally scored a goal, which is what I call it when the ball goes past his paws in to the center of his chest.  He really hates that and it doesn’t happen often but when it does he lets me know how unhappy he is.  Silly boy. 

So while I am on the subject of cats.  Last night before bed Gator wasn’t in my room, she was sleeping in the living room.  I figured she didn’t feel good.  When I woke up in the middle of the night a voice spoke to me to tell me that she was gone, she had a heart attack.  I went to the living room and shined a light on her, she meowed at me as if to say what’s wrong with you.  The last time that voice spoke to me, it was over LB and he in fact was gone. 

I really stopped and thought about it and I have had 5 losses in the last 5 years .  It started with my spouse and has spiraled downward.  I guess thinking about that and not wanting to experience any further loss has my subconscious working overtime thinking about death. 

Switching gears to guys.  If you get POP or have Netflix check out Schitt$ Creek.  It’s a very humorous show.  I have a mad crush on the guy that plays Ted.  He is so sexy.  The other guy that I have fallen madly for is the character that plays Avery (Murphy’s son) on Murphy Brown.  Holy hell, he just says daddy all day long.  Hubba, Hubba!  Speaking of guys my porn copy job is 91% complete from when I started it on Friday night.  I have 4 more hours to go and then it will be done.  My poor machine has been working tirelessly all weekend long.  I want to reward it with a reboot but can’t do that until this job is finished.  Yes I have an obsession with porn but it’s my sex life and probably will be until/if I meet a guy. 

As per usual the day has gotten away from me.  I was all on schedule and then a friend of mine called.  We just spoke yesterday but he wanted to yammer on some more.  I was so angry when I saw his name on caller id.  I wanted to say what do you want but that’s not a nice way to answer the phone.  He’s already pissed off at the world, I don’t need to add to his list.  Seriously, this guy is wound so tight, he goes off constantly.  I hate riding with him because he screams at other drivers as if they can hear him.  Nope, they can’t but my ear drums can.  I do grouse at drivers and even sometimes yell but not to the level he does.  Wow, I’m the one with the red hair but he is the true firecracker. 

Time to engage in some Big Bang Theory show watching.  I record all of the repeats so that I have content to watch when there is nothing else on.  As of late that occurs more frequently with lots of series taking time off until the start of the new year.  I wish I could take off until the new year but with a positive overtone.  I don’t need a calamity to happen to cause that to become reality. 

I’m surprised Ms. Momma hasn’t come chasing after me.  It’s about normal time for me to be upstairs and usually she comes down to remind me, ever so gently that it’s time to go.  Well I have a few things to check on before I go so I am going to do that and then climb those stairs and sit with the furry critters until it’s time to call it a day.  Not eager to embark on a new work week.  I have gotten some crappy emails over the weekend and there is plenty of work waiting for me and to think they are going to be adding on more, the horror.  How will I ever survive?  Hey I made it this far, I can go the rest of the way.  Might not be able to keep up but I will certainly do my very best. 

Stay warm, be well and get your holiday shopping done.  Christmas is around the corner.  Then shortly after we can play the same game that we played around Independence Day.  The name of that game is … Is it fireworks or gun shots?  Sounds like fun, I know.  Hope for fireworks, lots of fireworks and no gun shots. 

Be well and we shall talk again soon. 

Breaking News

Late this afternoon I received an email.  I am pleased to report that I won my appeal on my Emergency Room Bill and the Physician’s charges.  I am so happy that this mess has been resolved and I no longer have to worry about it. 

Finally some good news.  I’m seeing a pattern with the promotion at work, the insurance appeal there has to be at least 1 more good thing that will happen.  Maybe it’s finally time to buy that lottery ticket? 

Eight Terabytes

Wow another week is done.  Two more left in the entire year of 2018 and then it will be history.  It seems like only yesterday that we were in Summer and the year was sluggishly moving along.  Time and Money something we all could use more of. 

I bought an 8TB external hard drive on Wednesday.  I got a decent deal on Amazon.  I could have gotten a better deal if I would have moved on this last month.  In any event the drive arrived last night after I got home from work.  I was really surprised that Amazon just placed it on my porch considering the value  The drive supports USB 3.0 which has a higher transfer rate.  I have 2 of those ports available on my computer.  So that is naturally where I plugged the device into but my computer didn’t properly detect the drive, so I am using a regular USB port.  It still gets the job done but at a slower rate.  I’ve moved over all of the data I needed to.  My porn collection is still copying and when I started the transfer last night it said that it would be more than a day and were 30% done now and the status is the same.  It’s 4tb worth of data so I would expect that it wouldn’t move lighting fast.  It will probably be a couple of days.  However, I stopped my back up program and my PC is much faster.  When I turn it back on I’m sure performance will slow down some.  I guess it heard me because the machine momentarily froze up for a moment. 

On the work front.  We had our holiday part yesterday and the food was just okay  It was typical of any other party but this years experience was by far the worst for me.  I only sat with 1 person to eat and talk, I don’t know 1/2 of the people that I work with and the other 1/2 that I do know was MIA.  I gulped down my food and headed back to my desk.  I put in a little bit but not much more work and left early.  Kind of depressed as it was another sobering reminder that I am all alone. 

My boss mentioned to me earlier in the week that he got a note regarding my time off and that since I was in the hole they are going to adjust my last paycheck by deducting the time I owe them.  He got the notice 2 weeks ago but just decided to mention it to me this week.  How thoughtful.  Fuck!  So I am holding some money back from this check to hopefully help tide me through the 1st pay period of the year.  It’s not all bad news.  I was submitted for a bonus, don’t know how much but hopefully it’s more than an Amazon gift card.  Next and the biggest news of all is that my promotion will be official as of the 1st of the year.  I still don’t know my new title or my new salary but I have been told there are some additional responsibilities that are headed my way.  That is a polite way of saying were going to get our moneys worth out of you.  Overtime will no longer be an option as I will be exempt but hopefully my new salary will accommodate for whatever bullshit is headed my way.  I am happy but also nervous for the future. 

On the home front, I called my brother to check in with him last night.  He is still very much adjusting to being alone.  He is also still maintaining contact with her and allowing her to remain in his life.  I asked him what the point of her moving out was.  He didn’t exactly provide the response I was expecting.  He told me that it’s difficult to just cut her off.  I told him think of all of the hell she has put him through and how she almost wound up costing him his job, that alone would do it for me.  He said that if you love someone you can’t just flip a switch and shut them out.  I beg to differ as I have no problem doing it.  I’ve done it before.  It’s not fun or easy but I can do it within a second.  He has new locks but hasn’t changed them yet.  He went over to her place for Chili and they wound up getting into an argument.  She tried to hold him hostage and so that she could explain herself and that just further inflamed things.  It’s very apparent to me that she will be the death of him.  I don’t know that this will ever be truly over.  I told him he needs to put his foot down and just walk away but he doesn’t have the balls to do it.  He’s whipped and in a victim mentality.  While I am not saying it couldn’t happen to me, considering that I am on the outside it’s much easier for me to see an recognize.  I do believe that one or both of them will wind up in jail over a domestic incident, maybe that will be the sobering up he needs.  Bottom line is that he is afraid of being alone.  Hey I have the same fear but it’s more of a reality for me.  I don’t have high hopes of finding anyone but that doesn’t keep me from looking.  Stay tuned for more on this drama filled saga. 

Still no invite from my friends for Christmas.  I figure I will get a last minute text inviting me at which point I will most likely respectfully decline.  You have to communicate with me and tell me your plans so that I can make plans.  Just because I am all alone, don’t assume that I won’t get an offer from someone else or make plans on my own.  It’s called respect and common courtesy.  I can’t believe this is the way I am being treated now.  Something clearly has changed and no one has told me what that something is.  Did I do or say something to deserve this or is there something else going on in their lives that I have yet to be informed of?  Who knows.

I’m going to climb the steps, grab a soda and find something to watch on TV as I take it easy.  I will be going on-call next week and it won’t end until the day after Christmas.  Then I start up again on New Years Eve.  Lots of work is coming my way with the end of year departures and promotions, then things should level out hopefully for a couple months. 

Stay warm, dry and enjoy your weekend!  Talk again soon. 

Gone but still there

My brother phoned this afternoon to tell me that his girlfriend had moved out.  As a reminder she moved out to give him space and because their relationship is toxic.  He hasn’t changed the locks on the door, she has come back and woken him up one time.  He hasn’t blocked her phone number because he is afraid that will drive her over the edge.  I told him that he need a giant mute button when it comes to her.  He is going to change the locks tomorrow but I don’t know if he will ever block her from calling or texting.  This is supposed to be a break as in temporary.  She committed to a year lease on her apartment so hopefully it will be a year where they both can get their heads together and move on with their lives.  I pray he doesn’t get back together with her and for sure I pray he doesn’t marry her.

One thing I that I told him holds true for everyone.  You are responsible for your own actions or inactions and if you don’t take care of yourself, don’t expect anyone else to do it for you. 

He’s scared and lonely right now plus he is mourning the loss of a relationship.  Plus he has a near empty house and he has to furnish it now.  I told him you can buy what you want, you don’t need to get someone’s approval.  You can also eat what and when you want.  There is good and bad to everything but look more at the positives than the negatives.  I think and hope with sometime he will move on and perhaps find a new person for his life.  I told him if he ever gets lonely to call me, we can go to the gay bar.  He laughed at that.  It’s funny to me that he laughs at some of the things I say.

I did my usual day.  Woke up in the middle of the night.  Marv had an accident and I had to clean it up.  It was 3a and there was no going back to bed after that.  I watched some TV and drank a sports drink.  Eventually I was able to fall back to sleep.  My mistake was I slept in the same bed with Gator.  She don’t move at all.  She stretches out and becomes concrete.  You can nudge her all night long she will stay put.  So I didn’t sleep real well but I got in a few more hours.  Then up and off to grab breakfast.  Hit up the grocery store, the car wash, the gas station and then finally my favorite stop of them all, home. 

I had some plans for major cleaning this weekend but since my laziness kicked in that didn’t get done.  I have taken time for myself and spent time with the kids, so it’s been an okay weekend but not the worst or the greatest. 

My porn hard drive is down to one TB of space left.  I want and need a new drive.  I want to pull the trigger but since I don’t exactly know what the future has in store for me I feel like waiting is the right thing to do.  Perhaps after payday this week I will feel more confident.  It’s not major money it’s less than $200 but that can be a lot of money if you don’t have it. 

Boss man is out on Monday so hopefully things will be calm.  I have a lot of catchup work to do.  HR is putting in end of year departures like a 2 year old eating from a pez dispenser.  I may not have to process them all but I do have to gather background information on all of them and complete multiple spreadsheets because I am the only qualified to do it.  Stupid has tried in the past and he fails miserably so I just do, that way I know it’s done and if there is a mistake I know where to look. 

Thinking about it if Santa were real there would be a few things that I would ask him for.  Top of the list would be a man, money, happiness, having stupid grow a brain and whatever else I can’t manage to think of now.  Honestly I think that if I got a man the rest would just fall in place.  With that in mind I joined a new dating app called Chappy.  It’s just like Tindr but only for gay people.  I don’t have any location issues like I do with Tindr.  At work our network is out of 1 major city and then we have branches so I get guys that are constantly not in my area.  I hate that, because when I find someone I like I take a look and they are a million miles away.  I know that 2 apps increase my odds of meeting someone but I really hope I strike gold.  I have high standards as I think a lot of people do. 

So here’s to the week ahead.  May it be warmer, fast moving, productive and quiet.  I get to see my co-worker who has cancer tomorrow.  I don’t know that he has a lot of options available for treatment but he went to find out on Friday.  Thursday I told him a little bit more about me and came out to him without saying I am gay just that I lost my spouse and he at one time had colo/rectal cancer.  This is a different ball game for him, he’s got it in his bones and in his lung.  It’s Stage 4 and that is the worst it can be.  He is struggling to make it from day to day and each day I see another small piece of him die, it’s very minor but I honestly think he won’t be around a lot longer.  It’s really sad because he is a great guy and his mind is sharper than a razor.  With age come experience and he has been through the mill in 65 years of life, which by the way is still young even though it sounds old. 

So long for now.  I’ll be back to tell you more about what unfolds this week.  I hope there is way more good than bad.  I hope you like the changes I made to the theme, not exactly what I wanted but it’s fresh. 

The breakup?

The next season of The Ranch was released on Friday.  I started watching at work.  Came home watched some more.  Woke up this morning and finished it off.  Wow what a show.  Never expected it to end the way it did but cliff hangers are what keeps people coming back for more.  So now I am eagerly awaiting the next release. 

I switched to a laptop at work.  I spent a good portion of Friday afternoon moving into my new machine.  I wanted a 3rd monitor and got it hooked up but there simply isn’t enough real estate on my desk and I feel crowded, plus the 3rd monitor has to sit too close to my face.  So I uninstalled the 3rd monitor.  I put in some over time in working on it but things aren’t the way I really want them, so Monday morning I will be doing some modifications.  Still sticking with 2 monitors. 

Speaking of work we let a help desk tech go this week because he kept calling in.  I kind of understand he hated his job so rather than be there he called in.  Anything and everything under the sun qualified for a day to miss work.  I’ve been in his shoes before and lost a good opportunity because of it.  One day he will look back on this just like I am and realize what a mistake he made.  What I don’t understand is how it was so easy to get rid of him but yet I am stuck with stupid.  Yes still.  He has gone back to his old ways where he is missing things and I have to come clean up after him.  There has been no further talk about my alleged promotion and while I realize were only on the 8th day of the month, you’d think that since each day brings us closer to 1-1 that someone would be reaching out to me.  Work has gotten crazy busy for me, so the days are moving fast but not always fast enough.  There have been a couple days where I haven’t been able to look at social media.  I’m addicted to that, so if I can’t get at it while I am working when I am home I look at it.  My furry family hates my cell phone.  Oh yeah I almost forgot.  I was called for AV help this week to setup a video conference.  I got things going and who was on the other end but the hot stud I have a huge crush on in another office.  He is 100% gay, not sure if he has a boyfriend.  He’s way younger and he’s a blond.  I was just awestruck to see him.  I wanted to listen in on the meeting and tried but I couldn’t hear a damn thing so I gave up on that quickly.  He did look super fine. 

While I’m talking about the 1st of the year, my friends that normally invite me over for the holidays have yet to do so.  I’m pretty sure they are putting on a shindig but since I got a weird vibration from them at Thanksgiving I am just keeping my distance.  If you want me you know how and where to find me.  I just hope they don’t wait until the 11th hour to extend an invite.  I am over that and honestly would really rather just stay home for Christmas.  I can buy something in a cardboard box to eat or get a meal to go from somewhere.  It’s a depressing time of year for me and the sooner it’s over with the better off I will be.  So I am waiting but I don’t expect anything. 

I am surprised that I only got 1 reaction to my holiday letter.  No one else has said a word about it.  I even know someone who is moving and I asked them to reach out with their new address but have yet to hear from them..  I get that people have lives and no ones presently revolves around me but I think it’s just common courtesy to say that you received it.  It’s reactions like these that prove my point, that I don’t matter.  Honestly I have some time but I don’t think next year I will do another letter, it’s apparent that no one appreciates it and it was a lot of work, a lot of ink and a lot of time I spent away from my furry friends.

So I got a phone call this week, just before getting ready to get ready for bed on Tuesday.  It was my brother of all people.  Apparently things have gotten much worse with his relationship.  Someone is very close to either getting seriously injured or killed.  It’s highly toxic and then he lowered the bombshell on me.  He was going to propose to her at Christmas.  Instead he is paying her a decent amount of money to simply go away.  He told her his plans but since things have gone sideways he isn’t going to follow through.  Now she is devastated. He is in therapy which is a huge surprise to me.  It sounds like it’s helping.  She is boxing things up and supposed to be all gone by Sunday.  I hope for his sake that she really does leave, they don’t need to be together.  He wants them to take a breather and sort their own stuff out.  He thinks maybe they can get together again in the future.  Fuck, kick that bitch to the curb and be done.  I do have to watch what I say and can’t express all of the emotions that I want to.  I listened to him drone on about this and that, he was to the point where he is losing his voice from talking so much.  Plus it sounds like he might be getting sick.  Since I have no idea how things are going to turn out, I am on standby for the phone to ring.  I hope if it does it’s just him telling me she is gone.  Some of the stories he told me were just insane and they speak volumes as to why they shouldn’t be together.  I told him that I see a pattern, each time he calls things keep building and get progressively worse.  Now that she is boxing stuff up, she is crying to get him back.  I told him don’t you dare take her back.  It sounds like he has reached his breaking point and come to his senses, but I have thought this in the past.  So I am waiting for an update. 

Last night I was looking at what else SUV’s and found a new ride, it has everything my present ride does plus more.  Chances are I could switch out and my payments would go down, maybe not by much but money is money.  When I went to bed last night I was hell bent on getting up and going to buy it.  However, when I woke up this morning I had a muscle cramp in my back – it hurt and I figured that was the universes way of saying, not now.  Ah this new car fever I wish it would end.  Two things that get me going vehicles and men.  Maybe if I would find a man that would cure the new car fever, hey it’s a thought. 

I got going late in the day.  Grabbed the mail, a bite to eat and then hit up Target and the cat food store.  There was a cute guy in line behind me who had a friend with him.  I wanted to hit on him but once again passed up my chance.  Part of it is fear of rejection and the other part of it is fear of being humiliated or assaulted. 

Despite the fact that I got going late, Momma still things I am working past my bed time so she is all over me.  Plus they haven’t had their treats so I guess I will be going upstairs. 

A win for me this week, the eye doctor absorbed the balance on my account and I got an apology.  I’m still not going back but hey a win is a win.  I heard from the hospital about the ER visit that is up the air.  My medical records have been sent to my insurance provider.  I got a call from an executive at the hospital who took exception with the fact that I am blaming them for improperly submitting the claim.  I explained to her what I was told by my insurance provider and she tried to argue with me.  I told her the facts speak for themselves and she could deny it all she wanted but they fucked up and in a big way.  I told her if I am on the hook for this then were going to have a serious problem on our hands.  We parted ways agreeing to wait to see what the insurance company does and if there is a balance I am supposed to call her so we can talk about it.  I’m keeping good records on my end and this should play out pretty quickly as the time limit is approaching.  It will be a Merry Christmas for me if this whole thing just goes away.  I’ve checked my dental insurance website and no claim has been submitted yet for my tooth.  I am watching that like a hawk.  Ah, money there is just never enough of it in my account to do the things I want to do and cover the expenses I have.  Being poor sucks!

I hope life is treating you well.  Talk with you all again soon.   

Another unplanned expense :(

I decided to call the Dentist and made an appointment to get my tooth fixed, just to error on the side of caution.  Since selling the practice to a corporate conglomerate things just aren’t the same.  I got a robot person when I called to make the appointment who tried to shuffle me off to another doctor.  I declined that and they said the soonest my dentist could see me would be Thursday.  I scheduled time off work and that was that.  Fast forward to Thursday at 11:30 I get a call telling me that they only scheduled enough time for an evaluation and there wasn’t time for repair work to be done.  So I could go twice or just come in one time but the appointment would need to be moved.  I opted for 1 trip, it’s far better than 2 trips.  The appointment was setup for Saturday.  Not exactly how I wanted to spend my day but the work got done.  Turns out if I would have left this decay would have set in and then things would have gotten much worse.  As she was cleaning and drilling, we heard a snap and yet another piece of the tooth broke off.  Holy hell I am just falling apart.  I had to get numbed up for this and it took 2 shots because the first one was a little off and missed the full quadrant of my mouth.  It was about an hour and a half for repair time.  My dentist knows me well and so does her staff so that’s why they called ahead of time.  I asked today about why Saturday, well turns out Big Brother watches them close during the week but no one is in on Saturday so they can jolly well do what they want.  If this would have been a week day they would have scheduled an hour but then Big Brother would whittle that down to 30 minutes.  That’s all they allow for a Dental Emergency, they are all about making money and if the dentist is tied up seeing an emergency they aren’t making money.  Corporate logic it escapes me but it’s what has happened to the Medical field here in the US and now it’s spreading like cancer to the Dental field.  Before this is all said and done I may be looking for a new dentist but for now I am staying put. 

The best part of the visit was when it came time to settle up.  In times past they would send you a bill but now they want their money up front.  First glance the receptionist told me it was covered 100% and then she did some more digging and said nope it’s 90% covered.  So they took a small amount of money.  I just looked on-line and according to what I see there is no coverage in place for this and I am responsible for the full bill.  That will take time to process but probably later this month or first of next month it will be a reality.  I go back in January for a checkup and that’s when they will have their paws out for my money.  Yet another unplanned expense. 

It’s been a crazy week and I am glad it’s over with.  However, being on-call it’s not over until Monday morning.  My boss will be visiting stupid along with his boss.  Not exactly sure what if anything is going to happen there.  I find it odd that my boss is traveling because that isn’t something that happens.  If your getting fired HR usually tells you and your manager doesn’t really have anything to do with informing you.  I had an incident where stupid wrote me asking a question.  I provided an answer and that confused him so he called me.  I told him the same thing I put in the email and then he suddenly understood.  We have these types of incidents all the time, it’s not getting better and try as he might, this is just not the job for him.  Ah well I will work with it as long as I have to but it doesn’t mean I like it. 

I got some feedback on my holiday letter from a long time family friend.  It was put much smoother than I am saying it here.  What I heard was we all have problems, your not alone or special, my year was similar to yours but I’m not going into details and then I got this quote from John Lennon.  Lovely.  I understand people don’t want to read doom and gloom all the time.  I tried to put in some humor.  I slaved over that letter with many printed copies hitting the shredder and much time spent away from the furry family.  Momma was sick to death of me editing the damn thing.  Frankly so was I so I got to the point where I thought it was perfect and pulled the trigger. 

Last night I had some work that was scheduled so I got that done.  Then opted to take care of this crazy ass eye doctor bill.  I wrote a very frank and stern letter that said I think your fraudulently trying to get money out of me and you won’t or can’t provide an explanation of how this balance came about, you waited two months to tell me my account was past due when in fact based on interaction with your staff I was under the impression my account was settled.  I thought about this long and hard but in the end I gave an ultimatum either forgive the bill and admit that this was your mistake or cough up the itemized bill.  I sent it straight to the doctor not sure if it will end up there but I also used Certified Mail and there is a time limit imposed on the ultimatum.  There is more than one eye doctor in the area.  I have long thought they fuck people over but this gives merit to what was just an opinion before.  The chances of me going back are slim, this has put a very bad taste in my mouth.  I want to bring about a resolution so I can move on with my life. 

There is still the matter of the Emergency Room visit hanging over my head and while I hope my insurance will pay based on my appeal, it’s possible I am going to get stuck with that and that will put a huge damper on things.  I want that over with as well but if it’s going to mean I have to pay up, well then this can drag on forever as far as I am concerned.  By law they have 60 days and then they have to render a decision so it shouldn’t be much longer. 

I have often tried to conform of what I think society or others expect of me in the way of appearance.  An example of this is getting my ears pierced it’s something that I have always wanted to do but never have done  Today’s radical change was I had the sides and back of my head shaved off, it’s like a bare skin fade.  It looks really cool and it’s something that I have always wanted to do.  Now granted I picked the wrong time of year because it’s Winter like outside but today it was like summer in the 70’s.  Tomorrow were back to 45 degree weather and I will be wearing a hat for sure.  This is a great way for me to get sick again but as long as my hat is on, I should be fine.  I don’t know if I will ever muster up enough courage for the ear piercing thing.  I did manage to scare the shit out of myself.  Before I left for my haircut, I turned on the TV to a tech show that I like to watch.  The kids enjoy it as well.  Well when I came back home I forgot all about that.  It was quite and then just as I was half way in the room I hear a voice and jumped out of my skin until I realized what it was.  Holy hell almost had a heart attack over that. 

It’s been a long day and I am beyond tired, so I guess I will be headed to bed.  My jaw is sore.  I wonder if this is a side effect that one experiences if they suck cock for a living?  I guess I will never know.  In any event I am eager to see how I feel tomorrow morning.  Even my ear hurts and I can only open my mouth so wide.  Insert sucking cock reference again here.  Sorry but I have to laugh and that’ my inappropriate sense of humor.  Speaking of which I will be getting training on Sexual Harassment.  I do hope it’s a how to course but think that it will be quite the opposite of that.  That and Diversity & Inclusion are big pushes right now.  I got an invite to join a D&I group as did everyone else that I work with.  I would kind of like to go but at the same time I want to keep my personal life out of my professional life.  My sexuality is my business.  I only tell people that I trust, well that or if I am sleeping with you.  So as I said I only tell people I trust.  I wish I was sleeping with someone it would sure help me out.  As the holidays approach so does the depression and being short on cash doesn’t help things.  I am hopeful for a bonus as well as a nice raise come the 1st of the year but thus far I have heard nothing more about my supposed promotion. 

So how’s life in your neck of the woods?  What’s new?  What’s old?  How’s the weather?  I do hope all is well.  I shall talk with you all again soon.

Broken Tooth

Damn Christmas Cookies are going to be the death of me.  I had a couple tonight after dinner, which was left over pizza.  I felt something hard and tried to chew on it but when I looked at it in my hand I thought that looks like part of a tooth.  Sure enough it was!  My lower left tooth all the way in the back, the middle just broke off.  There are two jagged edges.  Right now I don’t feel any pain so as long as things continue in that manner I will just leave this alone and save it until January when I go back to see the dentist.  I have the part of the tooth that broke, not sure that they can do anything with it but I like to leave my options open. 

Stupid Eye Doctor sent me another bill now my account is 61-90 days past due.  I am so scared, not!  I think this probably crossed in the mail with my letter so I am not doing anything, just waiting it out.  I asked for a detailed itemized bill.  I mean I don’t have a problem with paying them but it would be like me sending them a bill saying hey you owe me $200.  Why?  Because I said so.  Yeah that logic doesn’t work for me.  I have to know exactly what I am paying for and why this price is different than what I was quoted back in September. 

Almost got hit tonight by an over aggressive driver, he was a mess.  I wound up calling him in for reckless driving.  The cops asked if I thought they were drunk I said maybe but it more seems like they are in a hurry to get some place and they are going about it in the wrong manner.  Then I got asked if I wanted to leave my name and number.  Sure why not. 

Holy hell it’s only Monday .. .make the merry go round stop, please make it stop.  I hope the rest of the week is downhill from here.  Outside of the aforementioned, it was actually a decent day and I got a lot accomplished.  My boss took my cost savings to HR and I very may well get a bonus, hopefully it’s not a fucking Amazon Gift Card for $25 because I saved them close to $3 thousand dollars.  I don’t mind helping out and calling out issues like this but I am there for the money and the more I can get the more I will take.  No matter how much they give me, I promise you it will never, ever be enough.  Just make it worth my time and effort, you’ll have an employee for life.  It’s called taking care of your employees. 

Well now that I have this out of my system I am going to try to find something to watch for a couple hours before it’s time to bring an end to this day.  I hope your day went well. 

Rut Ro Monday

I got a couple of alerts from one of our Firewalls at work, they were high temperature alarms which is of concern considering they sit inside an independently 24/7 365 airconditioned data center.  It wasn’t but several minutes later a broadcast message came out that we had a power outage due to weather.  Unless things come together overnight tomorrow will suck.  We have bad weather forecasted for our area but it’s minor snow, so I suppose it will all fall into place good or bad as tomorrow unfolds. 

In other news, I spent $25 on Christmas Cookies today.  Shame my favorite cookie the Wedding Bell wasn’t in there.  I am on the lookout for those.  I got a nice tray filled full of sugar, chocolate and sprinkles galore.  My doctor won’t be happy about it but since we only go around once, I want to at least eat what I enjoy.  My grocery bill was way higher than normal because of this splurge but I do love a Christmas Cookie.  Hopefully they are all gone in a couple weeks, I am in no rush. 

I accomplished mostly everything I wanted to.  I’m pushing off adding to my music collection so that I can go spend time with the cats.  Marv needs some more Dad time and I am all too happy to give it to him.  We had some time together earlier today on the couch but he got tired of that and fell on to the floor.  Those back legs of his won’t allow him to jump anymore.  He can walk but no jumping, very odd. 

It’s been a medication holiday around here for Marv & Momma, but that ends tonight.  Back to the pills. 

I was pretty pleased when I filled my gas tank up this morning.  When I got back in it said I could drive 399 miles.  Prior to my mishap normal was 400 so I would say were just about back in good shape.  That comes from variable speed driving and switching between traditional drive and into Sport mode.  In Sport mode it feels more like I am driving a rocket, you just touch the gas and your doing 60 in 6 seconds from a dead stop.  It does use a bit more fuel but if you get into a sticky situation that is the mode to be in for acceleration, something that I use on occasion and not typical of everyday driving. 

Well back to sweater weather, coats, hats and gloves.  Funny thing is Winter doesn’t officially start until 12/21.  Speaking of Winter I ordered two men calendars last night from Amazon.  They weren’t supposed to be here until Wednesday and now suddenly they are coming tomorrow.  I only ordered because there was a special of spending $20 on books or calendars and getting $5 off so it was worth it.  I can’t seem to find a true poster sized calendar of men like I managed to mistakenly order last year.  I didn’t think I would like it but I rather enjoy it now and want another one for 2019 but it looks like I will have to either search for another type of calendar or just hang a normal type calendar, which is what I am probably going to do.  Each year I order a Union Pacific Calendar.  My late spouse enjoyed them and I kind of like the format plus trains are enjoyable so why not.  I should have a Cisco Snort Calendar arriving at work which is what I plan to leave there, this year my UP calendar is there.  I need to laugh a bit more at work and Snort will help with that.  Go give it a google and hopefully you’ll find out what I’m talking about it’s a parody type calendar. 

That’s all I know at the moment.  Going up to be with the kids and pass the evening away until it’s time for bed.  Not looking forward to next week but at least the Full Moon will have passed so that might actually work in my favor.  This whole power outage thing just doesn’t give off a good omen about the week ahead.  Here’s hoping it’s enjoyable for all of us.  Saturday is December 1 – holy cow where did this year go!  Be safe, stay warm and take care. 

Thanksgiving

Well it’s that time of year again.  I enjoyed my usual feast at Maggiano’s with my friends.  The Cesar Salad wasn’t the same without the Romain Lettuce but I’d rather not get E.coli.  That is nothing to play with.  Saw my favorite waiter that I have a crush on.  The stuffing wasn’t the same this year, not nearly as much sausage as in years past, it tasted almost like stove top.  My friends this year were different.  Normally we meet up at their house but this year like last year we met up at the restaurant.  Last year their dog had a stroke and that’s why they didn’t want to meet up at their house.  This year I have no idea why.  Honestly I’m kind of ready to bring the tradition to an end.  I’d just as soon go off and find something on my own, I guess this year it just lost it’s luster.  I sense something is different with my friends but I have no idea what it is.  Maybe it’s just me.  They also usually pass out an invitation for Christmas Dinner at their house but I didn’t get that yet.  I’m sure it will come to pass but time will only tell. 

My other friend that is losing his job in January is now talking about moving to be closer to his sister.  She’s got 2 houses and they are both paid for.  Yes she is well off.  I mean anyone that I have ever spoken with that owns 2 houses and one isn’t for sale has been well to do.  I hope he doesn’t move because if it wasn’t for him, there wouldn’t be anyone to get together with.

I was all excited for the time off but honestly it’s just been an emotional mess for me to deal with.  I miss my Ruth and her loss is oddly still fresh in my mind.  I also miss the way things have been in years past when I had something to look forward to.  Maybe this is me wallowing in self pity but I really don’t feel like there is anything to look forward to.  If not for taking care of my cats there really wouldn’t be any reason for me to stick around here on earth.  I am very thankful that I have them, even if they do cost me money and work, they are worthwhile investments or so I think. 

The weather here warmed up into the 60’s so no coat required for Thanksgiving which was nice.  I only got Turkey & Dressing to take home.  The selfish bastards that paid the bill kept the bulk of the food for themselves.  Not sure why but whatever.  It’s not like a lonely single guy who eats out of cardboard boxes would appreciate it.  I stayed home for Black Friday.  It was nice to just eat a little bit of snack crackers, consume soda and watch TV.  Then when I got tired I would go back to bed.  Then wake up and do it all over again. 

My porn collection is growing and I’m running out of hard drive space.  So I was in the process of compressing the drive I use.  Thankfully it finished so I had something to mess with last night.  I tried to zip up some of the files to reclaim space but that is kind of a lost cause.  I honestly need a larger hard drive.  Problem is I have no money for that right now.  There is a really nice deal on Amazon for an 8TB drive for like $120, that would last a very long time for me.  However, I said the same thing when I moved in to the current 4TB drive that I am using.  For now I am just going to be more particular on what I keep.  If I had a nice source for archiving I could just retire the files but that isn’t an option. 

I had sent off for my medical records from the ER visit I had back in September.  My insurance company needs them in order to reconsider the claims.  Well I learned the hospital won’t fax them, so I had to complete new paperwork to have them mailed.  While I was at it, I voiced my frustrations for this whole ball of wax to the president of the hospital in a letter.  Maybe just maybe this will be what sparks change and gets this whole thing resolved.  I just know that I don’t want to be responsible for this very large bill that I surely can’t afford. 

I got a collection call from my eye doctor, before they got my letter in the mail.  I want to know where this mystery $33 balance came from before I surrender any money.  I am kind of ticked at them for sending me a bill months after the fact.  I am also tired of surprise bills between them and the hospital it’s enough to lose your mind. 

Not to mention I still have my excess pto balance that work is going to deal with.  My guess is they will take it out of my last check but maybe I will get lucky and they will just take it out of my balance for next year.  I get 5 weeks as of Jan 1.  Since were entering the month of December I should also be hearing more about this promotion that is supposed to come to pass.  I sure hope I get a decent amount of money because right now I am sinking like a rock.  Paying bills later on next week will be a challenge and looks like I will be dipping into my savings, not what I want to do but in the long run it will be a smart move.  If I would take advantage of skipping my car payment that wouldn’t be necessary but if I skip my car payment even though the credit union will allow it for a fee, it could screw up my GAP coverage if I were to need it. 

I did finally finish obsessing over my holiday letter and mailed it on my way to Thanksgiving dinner.  So some people should have it by now and others well it will take a bit to make it’s way but know that it’s on the way.  Of course sitting at dinner I thought of all of the things I should have said but didn’t.  For 2019 I am going to try to keep a highlight record of what happened in each month.  That will make writing next years letter much easier.  I was able to put in a personal note to everyone, which was enjoyable. 

Today our warm weather continued!  I went out for Mexican food and a short drive.  It was really nice to get away.  Glad I am back home and hard to believe tomorrow is Sunday but at least I will go back to my routines, however exhausting and depressing they are.  I will also be on-call for a week on Monday.  Then just 2 more times this year and were done.  I started making the schedule for next year but last year I volunteered myself, this year my boss is either going to ask me or it’s all going to fall apart.  I am starting to keep my mouth shut and just let things play out either for good or for bad.  Sometimes that is the best thing to do. 

So now my big debate is to go clean the carpets or save that for another day.  Not sure what I want to do there.  I would like to relax a bit more but I keep thinking how nice things would look if I just threw in some effort.  Problem is I honestly don’t care.  It shows in how the house is and how the yard is as well.  As long as this place doesn’t fall in on top of me or it’s not a major emergency it’s probably not going to get done.  I started with enthusiasm but time and depression have gotten the best of me. 

With it being a holiday weekend there isn’t terribly much on TV.  I have exhausted my backlog archive of The Big Bang Theory but there is more that is set to record tomorrow.  Meanwhile I have to result to Live TV or NetFlix/Amazon.  I’m kind of picky when it comes to my viewing pleasure.  I have seen a couple of good movies though. 

I suppose that’s enough jabbering for this post.  I’m going to stick a fork into it and call it done.  I hope that your doing well.  As per usual, we shall talk again soon!

Everyone wants my $

As per usual, it’s been a roller coaster week, thankfully it’s over and next week should be a cake walk or so I am hoping. 

Wednesday night I came home to a house that was 65 degrees cold.  The cats were not happy but they were also hungry.  I got them fed and noticed that Momma was missing.  That was of concern but I wanted to see what I could do about heat first.  So turns out the batteries went out on the thermostat.  I replaced them but that didn’t fix the problem.  I found momma meowing in  my room.  She was inside of the stereo cabinet just staring at me as if to say I’m sorry, please let me out.  I opened the door and she ran for the food.  Then I discovered that she left me a couple of presents so I was already unhappy, this didn’t help matters.  I had to call someone out, after hours and paid a couple hundred dollars to have my igniter and a capacitor replaced.  I think I did pretty well cost wise considering that it was an after hours repair.  Heats been working fine ever since.  I got a holiday bonus from work that helped to cover this but it wasn’t the way I wanted to spend the money.

We had our first Winter Storm on Thursday.  The media plays a lot of hype into it and does a good job of scaring the bejesus out of most people so they stay home because they are paralyzed by fear.  Well that just played in my favor there was about 4 inches of snow on the ground.  There was next to no one on the road.  Normal commute time is 1 hour and I made it in 45 minutes.  I drove slower than normal but still I was way early.  There is always plenty of cushion in my commute to account for traffic delays.

Work has been busy, a few new hires this week and of course they all start on Monday.  There was little notice but I work them as I get them.  Best news is that boss man will be out of the office all next week.  I am so thankful for that because he was really getting on my nerves.  Every email I sent he had to chime in with a retort, I know that they weren’t directed at me.  As you well know if you have been reading this for any length of time there is a bad apple on my team.  Rather than focus on him and address all of his problems individually, the team has to suffer and we all get talked to at an elementary school level.  It gets very old very quick.  I have no patience or tolerance for stupid.  You also can’t fix stupid, it’s forever.  However, in the business world you have to build a case to get rid of someone.  I have no idea how they are addressing him, but whatever they are doing it’s not working and they are moving way too slow for me. 

I got the whole issue with Ruth’s funeral (cremation) worked out.  It was just a misunderstanding.  Turns out the secretary and the 3rd party Funeral Home made a mistake and sent me a bill but my account was paid in full.  There were several apologies afforded to me, to which I said it’s okay were all only human.  As long as the account is paid that is all I care about. 

Yesterday I got a surprise in the mail from my Eye Doctor.  They seem to think that I owe them $33 and it’s past due by 31 to 60 days.  This is the first bill I have gotten.  I checked my Vision Insurance EOB’s and they have been paid.  Turns out the lady who quoted me the price for the replacement pair of glasses made a mistake to the tune of $99 but they are only billing me for $33, which I can’t figure out why.  So I did the next logical thing and wrote them a letter.  I explained what happened, what I have paid and that I feel the bill should disappear.  If I truly owe them I am happy to pay but they need to show me an itemized bill that breaks this all down. 

I got another ER EOB this morning from the Insurance Company.  Turns out the hospital is billing twice for the same service, but they are charging different amounts.  That to me constitutes fraud, so I blew the whistle on that this morning both by voice mail and in a letter.  I’m hopeful that my Health Insurance Company will resolve this so that I don’t owe a dime. 

For some strange reason I feel like everyone is out to get what little money I have.  Medical Care in the US is expensive even if you do have Health Insurance.  I opted to drop the expanded coverage for Vision Coverage through my employer.  My late spouses plan covers routine exams 100%, the benefits for frames and lens are not the best but I plan on sticking with the pair of glasses that I have.  It should last at least a couple years.  The vendor for Vision is changing and it’s something that is accepted by a few places in the area, so why wouldn’t I use it.  My employer still gives me basic coverage for an annual exam but it costs me $15, you can’t beat free. 

I have been slaving over my annual holiday letter for weeks now.  I even made more last minute changes today.  I can get lost in editing for hours.  Don’t worry it’s only a 4 page letter but the print is small so I got to cram a lot of things in there.  Today I got the envelopes printed and the letter finalized and printed as well.  Turns out my printer needed some ink and I had it on hand.  I went to get replacement ink to keep on hand and if I get what I want (larger capacity cartridges) it costs as much as a new printer.  I don’t want a new printer I want replacement ink.  I opted to just get the basic cartridges and that cost me $68.  Ink and printers, it’s a racket.  They practically give you the printer but they make all the revenue on the ink.  Knock off ink was only two or three dollars cheaper and not worth the risk.  I bought this back in July and it’s November.  I don’t do a lot of printing and was using the cartridges that came with the printer, they are always only 1/2 full so I think I got my monies worth.  It’s not like my vehicle where I fill up on Sunday and by Wednesday I am at 1/2 or less than half full.  Don’t get gas by Thursday and I won’t make it home. 

Last night I hit up Cracker Barrel for supper.  They had Fried Turkey and I wanted to try it.  Horribly salty and the Green Been Casserole they served with it was the same way.  So that was my main reason for going.  Since I was there I wanted to get a Chocolate Pecan Pie to go.  That was a mess.  My waitress was like Houdini and swapped out my check without me even knowing.  She was going to fetch the pie but couldn’t find any.  They were still looking and after 20 minutes I just gave up.  I went to pay my bill and thought it was oddly high, it wasn’t until I got my receipt that I realized I was charged for the pie.  I explained that I didn’t get the pie.  They of course asked several people to bring a pie upfront but no one listened, so after another 15 minutes I gave up and asked for my money back.  What a nightmare.  I didn’t need the pie but would have liked to enjoy it.  I did notice there was a very young but cute and very thin bus boy who was wearing a pride bracelet.  He wasn’t my type but hey his body would have done, considering the age range I didn’t say anything.  I like younger guys but they have to be legal. 

I stopped in the pet food store to get a few cans of food for the menagerie.  There was a very handsome young man behind me in line who had this large dog cage.  I wanted to say I’ll jump in the cage if I can call you daddy but I figured that was a horrible pickup line.  I don’t get readings to tell me if someone is straight or gay, unless it’s just obvious.  I had no information to go off of, so I kept my mouth shut but I ignored my inner voice that said you should tell him he’s cute. 

Next stop was to a new car wash in town.  I saw them wash a police car and that damn thing shined like a new penny.  It was very impressive.  I went all out and got the best wash for $20.  A smart ass hot guy waited on me and took my money.  It was an okay experience but I noticed as the car was going through the wash that it smelled like someone defecated, it was very unpleasant.  I got home and when I got out of my vehicle the odor was stronger.  Apparently they use shit scented chemicals.  The car shines but it smells bad.  I provided feedback on-line, not sure what will happen but I can say I tried that wash.  There are cheaper washes in town where your car comes out smelling better.  It won’t be as clean but at least you won’t gag while your driving. 

This morning was grocery store time.  My stomach felt a little off kilter but I just brushed that aside and went about my business.  It wasn’t until I was close to the end of my shopping trip that things erupted.  I now know not to get the Fried Turkey again.  I was mad and embarrassed at the same time.  I got as cleaned up as I could and then went through the checkout line.  The upside of this is the inside of the car still smelled like it did last night so I couldn’t tell if it was me or if it was the chemicals from the car wash.  I came home and jumped in the shower.  Then back out to the car to unload groceries and check on it.  Turns out it was the chemicals.  I put in the last Vanilla Christmas Tree Air freshener that I had.  They make me sneeze but it’s sneeze or gag.  I can at least remove it if it gets too over powering.  I’m hopeful in a couple days things will settle down. 

So this will be a short 3 day week.  Were celebrating Thanksgiving on Thursday and then there is black Friday where people lose their minds just like Boxing Day in Canada.  I will be going out with my friends to Maggianos.  Both have confirmed.  It will be nice to see everyone and then to be able to get up from the table and go home.  I will sleep in a bit on Thursday and probably a lot on Friday.  No way in the world will I leave the house on Friday because all of the crazy people will be out and traffic will be horrible.  It will settle down a bit by the weekend but it will be nuts for the next few weeks primarily on the weekends. 

The only things left for me to do now are shave and prepare for Monday.  Got to make my sandwich.  I’ve got this affection for Rye Bread.  Pastrami on Rye, Miracle Whip and Colby Jack Cheese.  It’s just delicious to me.  Good thing I have extra bread and meat to make lunch on Friday and Saturday. 

My holiday letter will be mailed on Thursday on my way to meet up with my friends.  It’s a tradition that I keep up.  There are only a select few people I send them to and honestly I think maybe only 4 people take time to actually read it.  I like sending a letter rather than Christmas/Holiday Cards.  It’s cheaper and easier.  Although I did find that I reflected a lot on the negative and not so much on the positive.  I typically try to get an even balance and keep it up beat.  Hence the editing and all of the draft copies I printed. 

Well upstairs to the children to enjoy some TV and some Egg Nog Flavored Ice Cream.  I am looking forward to that.  Not like I need it but I am sure it will be delicious.  I haven’t had a nap so a little sugar buzz and then I will sleep like a baby tonight or so I hope.  Now if I can just get Momma to stop crapping in my bed and Gator to stop puking in my bed it will be a great night.  The city loves me because I do so much laundry! 

I hope that you have a great week and that your well and staying warm.  We will catch up again soon.  Until then be well and take good care of yourself!  I will try to do the same.