Ye Old Update

I am done with on-call, thank the Lord above.  It honestly wasn’t terrible and I got the bulk of my calls last night from 1 person who just couldn’t manage to save documents to the system properly.  I finally was able to get to bed at 11:30p so I feel pretty much okay today, slightly tired but with the rain outside I think that helps factor into to how I feel.  Getting done with on-call makes me feel like I have my life back and I can do what I what when I want without any worries and I don’t have to be a slave to my phone.

Tonight I will be headed to the pet food store, need to pick up some chemicals for the rug.  I cleaned it over the weekend and that is an invitation to Bear to pee again.  So my hope is that if I can get it clean or at least get the bulk of the smell gone that might help.  I also broke down and ordered him pee pads – I just can’t keep this rhythm going.  It’s like insanity.  He saw me clean the litter box so he knew it was empty and I put fresh litter in but he just refused to use it.  I think he is just being lazy.  He comes over to me when I am on the couch and wants attention.  He loves it when I brush him.  He of course is eating and I still have to rotate his plate and last night we played before he decided to pee.  So that is why I think he is being lazy and that this isn’t a cry for help.  Perhaps I am wrong and if so I will feel horrible but there doesn’t appear to be a blockage because he goes like a gallon at a time, at least that is the way it appears to be.  I am not quite sure how to break him of this awful habit.  The carpet will be staying around for a while, so I have to think of something.  I guess it’s time for a Google or two.

I took some self photos of me to update my profile picture on the various dating websites.  I posted them and got some responses.  I found a younger guy who I gave some advice to on his profile.  He wanted to meet up, but I didn’t encourage that.  I just spoke friendly to him and he disappeared like vapor.  So I was thinking about it and last night I did it.  I dropped out of every site I was on.  Now I am not sure what purpose there is to life.  There is no question I was addicted to checking my phone to see if I had messages or if there was a cute guy that had joined up.  I am in withdrawals, but I am going to try to make it.  I will probably wind up going back but taking a break sounded like a healthy thing to do.  The quality of the guys is sub-part and most are looking to get their rocks off.  Now I want to get mine off as well but I know how to take care of myself.  I am after all addicted to gay porn.  So with that said, what I want more than anything is a companion and if things blossomed beyond that well great.  If not then I can always fall back on old faithful (i.e. porn).  I know there is a guy waiting out there for me but the problem is finding him and then knowing that he is the one.  Not sure how or when it’s going to happen but my eyes and mind are still open. 

Speaking of pet food, I went over this weekend and the guy was no were in sight.  I may see him tonight and if things are right I will ask him.  I kind of think that he was just being nice and telling me that he was interested because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings especially with what I have been through.  If that is truly the case then I wish he would be up front and say something, instead of stringing me a long and giving me false hope.  I mean it’s going to hurt either way but there is a way to make it hurt less by being honest. 

I was surprised this morning when I got up to have a message from an old family friend that I came out to when things were at their lowest point earlier this year.  I figured he wouldn’t talk with me anymore, but he did.  He just asked how things were going.  I wrote him back before starting on this post.  That felt pretty good.

Yesterday I felt the need to do some cleanup on my friends on FaceBook.  I got rid of a few people.  One lady in particular I used to work with I told her I was gay and ever since then it’s kind of been hands off.  We did get together for a bite to eat.  Then she asked me to help with some computer stuff but never made the time for me to come over.  She promised me the world but just never delivered.  I sent her my late partners left over hearing aid batteries by mail and never even so much as got a thank you or any acknowledgement that she received them.  I’ve been wanting to unfriend her for a while but just haven’t been able to do it.  Last night I was sitting looking at her profile and was nervous but I did it.  That helped me continue on with the process.  Now it’s never a good day to lose a friend but if this really bothers her, then she should be reaching out via e-mail or phone saying hey what happened, I noticed were not FB friends anymore.  I don’t have a lot of friends.  I have had my fair share of people who masquerade as friends but in time I figure out they are phony and drop them like a hot potato.  I could use more true friends and less phonies who just want to take me for a ride and use me for what they can get out of me.  If you are a friend then I am happy to help when and where I can – I am very guilty of putting others before myself.  I realize that I have to come first so I am working on making an adjustment to that. 

I have managed to pay off my car, the payment is scheduled but it’s not official until later this week.  I should have the title by the end of the year, which will be nice!  Now I own 2 automobiles and when the timing is right I will be trading them in for something new  I have done Christmas shopping for myself and got a fitness tracker.  It doesn’t look like it will be here until Wednesday.  The thing I like about it is that you decide how you want to wear it as a clip on or as a watch, plus you can take it off and press a button it will give you a pulse ox reading which I think is uber cool.  It’s called Withings Pulse O2 Activity, Sleep, and Heart Rate + SPO2 Tracker for iOS and Android.  It was $100 which I think is a fair price to pay.  Plus I got the rollers for the garage door as well as some OTC medicine that I take along with pee pads and dropped a fair amount of money. 

My next big goal is to try to get out of debt.  I have thought about taking a consolidation loan out and am already pre-approved, but there is a huge fee for taking out the loan and the interest rate is slightly less than what I am paying on my credit cards.  The good news is that the payments would be fixed to a specific time period and there is no fee for paying it off early.  I honestly think I could make a go of it but I am trying to avoid it because it’s more credit.  I don’t want to take it out and then have a need where I have to run my credit cards back up again.  Things are starting to look up and I think if I can just hang on a little longer that the money situation will clear up.  If I could get rid of this bankruptcy that would also help out a lot.  Next year should be my year. 

So goals for 2015 .. Get rid of his bankruptcy.  Get out of debt and build savings.  I don’t make resolutions because they always get broken.  I think those goals are attainable but they won’t come without some serious work and sacrifice on my part.  I am already starting to pay cash for things, which is a step in the right direction.  They say that if you file Bankruptcy one time, you are destine to file it again because you won’t fix your mistake.  Yeah my mistake before was that I used credit for everything and lived way beyond my means.  I have curbed that and understand the pitfalls now.  The best and only way to use credit cards is to pay them off in full each month.  Something I had been able to do until I started this new job and ran up a nice tab, had to get a desktop and then treated myself to a laptop – so it was a trap and I feel into it.  However, I am not so far in that it is impossible to find a way out.

It was a slightly relaxing weekend.  I have Chicken Salad Sandwiches all week long and Fritos Twisted Honey BBQ Corn Chips to munch on.  I am pretty happy about that.  I tried some Vegan, Kosher Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Gelato and well I’d really prefer the regular stuff.  It’s okay but it tastes like it’s missing something.  I am not a health food person and certainly not a vegan, I love to eat meat (yes that has a double meaning :) ).  Tonight supper will be left over Tombstone Pizza.  Then I get the fun of cleaning the rug and taking the trash out, prepping for Tuesday and coming back to work to do it all over again.  Hard to believe that once we make it through this week that Christmas is next week and I only have to work 3 days, well 2 1/2 I suppose if they let us go early. 

I hope that you had a great weekend and that the week ahead is pleasant and uneventful.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Take care!