I woke up at 5am and had to blow my nose. Rather uncommon! So I did and after that I had to do it again. I was able to get back in bed, but had to do it again. I tried to go back to sleep but that didn’t work. So I got up fed everyone including myself and then took the day off from work. I popped a Benadryl along with all of my other daily meds and went back to bed. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I woke up and was drenched, which is a normal reaction for my body. I fired up the electric blanket and went back to bed. It was like 11 or 12 when I rolled out of bed. Prior to returning to bed I put my phone on Do Not Disturb but forwarded my calls to my home # just in case some emergency came up. I did get a call but it looked like a wrong # so I didn’t answer and they didn’t leave a message.
I had a Chicken Pot Pie for lunch. I really didn’t want to eat at all but it was okay. I laid around and watched stuff off of Netflix. I switched over to Amazon and had a fight on my hands all day long. I watched Kramer Vs. Kramer but it took me all day to do it. Wow, I was only 8 years old when that movie came out. I remember my grandmothers hairdresser saying how provocative the movie was and that kids shouldn’t see it, etc. That has made me want to watch it ever since, like I was missing something. No I really didn’t miss anything. There was some good acting going on but it was all about hurt and a little boy trapped in the middle of a custody battle. I did like the part where Dustin Hoffman said I will have a job in 24 hours after he just got fired. That took some drive and it was pretty close to Christmas. Nothing like that would happen today unless it was a miracle.
Speaking of being fired, that is on my mind since I called in. I mean I have time but this is like the 3rd time I have called in since I started. I guess being raised Catholic plus not exactly having a good track record with previous employers it’s a fear that I suppose will always be with me. I don’t think I have anything to worry about but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I must say that I picked a good day to call in because we had some rain over night and everything was a sheet of ice. If I feel bad tomorrow I won’t push it and will stay home, but will also seek some form of medical care be it an office visit to my doctor or going to the doctor via video camera. I would much rather go in because things are just stacked up waiting for me and the only way to stay on top of things is to be there to do the work.
Right now I feel okay, I think this was more of an allergy thing or at least hope it was. I can stay home 1 more day without screwing up my holiday vacation. Plus we had a small battle this afternoon about who is on-call. My boss needed someone to volunteer and since no one did she moved everyone’s on-call time up by a week, but then out of no where people volunteered. I dodged a bullet because I am on next week and if I was on this week that would have screwed up my therapy appointment on Saturday.
Just me and the kids today and they took full advantage of me, worming me out of extra food and of course getting their fair share of attention. Ruth & Marvin have been hibernating all day, which is normal for them. I don’t like to see that but I guess it’s what they are comfortable with. Ruth will come alive tonight and of course tomorrow morning, provided that I leave and go to work.
Staying home is very boring and all I wanted to do was eat, but things that weren’t good for me. I did polish off all of the Turkey day stuff, except for what is left of a piece of Chocolate Cake. It all was pretty good and I am honestly thankful that it’s gone. Back to regular food! The holidays have me depressed and missing my guys, that being BLU and my former partner. Plus I changed things up on the dating apps thinking that would get me some responses but nope. I am just so lonely, which is all the more reason to want to go back to work and be around people, especially ones who know my name. There is also a sexual component but the main thing is just companionship. I long to find my special someone. I think I have done a good job of holding things together but honestly it feels like its all going to fall apart any minute now. All of this is depression and I suppose part of the grieving process. I long to go back to the good times but also long to move forward and make new good times.
So 4 more days to go and then we have the weekend. My last weekend of freedom for a week. As I mentioned next week I am on-call and so not looking forward to it. Hopefully, it will be quiet. I of course will be paying attention to how things go this week and hope that everything is smooth sailing. It will be my last time on-call this year. Then we have to wait and see what the boss comes up with for a schedule. I just hope I am not back on for a while, a two month or longer break would be awesome.
Back to TV and trying to find some entertainment. Talk with you peeps later.
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