Struck by a bus

I soon found out that my allergies were not to blame for me feeling miserable.  I am sick.  First time since my partner has passed.  I was brutally reminded that there is no one to take care of me and that I am all alone.  That was super depressing and I was pondering once again ending it all.  I miss him so much and while my life is a bit of a shambles now, it would be a lot easier with him here. 

My troubles if you care to know.  I woke up early on Tuesday morning (more like middle of the night).  I soon realized I couldn’t go back to sleep.  So I started watching TV and was up for hours.  I got back to sleep to get a cat nap and then I was up for the rest of the day.  I called the Dr.’;s office to ask for a prescription to hopefully minimize my time off.  They told me they would comply and wound up calling me back later in the day saying I needed to come in and they couldn’t see me until Wednesday.  I was not happy.

I threw on some clothes and headed to the Doc in the Box.  I was diagnosed with a Sinus Infection, Ear Infection and Bronchitis.  I was given a pee wee antibiotic that didn’t appear it was going to work.  I took it and called it a day.

This morning I woke up and it felt something like I was struck by a bus.  I was miserable.  So I hoisted my self out of bed and began the morning ritual and I knew I wasn’t going to work.  I stayed up and passed the time by watching the morning news.  Told my boss that I wouldn’t be in.  Once again he was cold and distant – no response.  Normally I get some form of acknowledgement but I realize he no longer cares about me and can’t wait to get rid of me.  Believe me when I say the feeling is more than mutual. 

I went to the doctors office.  The nurse said what brings you here.  I said my car.  I mean that is the damn dumbest question.  Ask me why I need to see the doctor or what’s wrong or what’s going on, not what brings me here.  Anyway I was soon on my way with a heavier antibiotic as well as steroids.  Headed to the pharmacy. 

I picked up those prescriptions, plus 2 cans of chicken soup and a large bottle of Gatorade Fruit Punch.  I figured it can’t hurt. 

I came home had a phone interview, ate my chicken soup.  Watched a little TV and then passed out for an hour.  I mean no interruptions, no cats, no nothing I was just out.  I woke up feeling a little better. 

Then I came downstairs and started to pay bills.  I realized there isn’t enough money in the bank to pay the cable bill.  Those fuckers raised my rates so I had to put this months bill on a credit card.  I got everything else paid so were good for now.  Until the next pay check when I get to do it all over again and then I will be taking from savings to pay for the damn water heater. 

Oh I forgot I stopped by the post office and saw an EOB for my partner.  I said that is kind of odd.  I opened it and it’s for my blood work that was done at my last dr. visit.  They want $1,000.00 and got paid nothing because the doctor didn’t tell the lab that my insurance had changed.  I know they will be sending me a bill and I am already, ready to tell them sorry insurance changed.  Hopefully that will reduce and delay the expense. 

Sorry to jump all over the place.  I did a phone interview yesterday with an IT Outsourcing Firm that is coming to my area.

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So at the end of the day I am still depressed and wondering how things are going to work out.  I wonder which job if any will come through and if I will have to go through any unemployment or if I will be able to tell them what I have always wanted to say … take this job and shove it.  I am so tired of negative and ready for some positive.  Like the song goes …, Turn the Beat Around.  I feel like a trapped passenger on a slowly sinking ship. 

That’s the quick and dirty for today.  I am out of vacation time by my records.  I realize they probably won’t charge me for the water heater day but I am counting it.  I say we are even.  Now if I need more time off I will take it and that’s that.  My plan is to return tomorrow, hopefully my body will comply and we can get this train wreck of a week over with so that I can relax if only for a couple days. 

Here is hoping my numbers are drawn tonight in the lottery.  I need a major good break in a very bad way!  Talk with you peeps later.