Instigator 2004-2022

It it with profound sadness that I regret to inform you that Gator has passed.  This was a difficult decision for me and one that even after it was made before things moved forward that I tried to get her out of.  I spent so much time with her at the end.  She was slightly medicated so she wasn’t fully herself but I know she knew who I was and I got to hear that motor of hers run for one last and final long run. 

I usually bounce back from the loss of a pet in a day or two tops.  Right now I don’t even want to be home at all.  I am but it’s not like I spend much time here.  I wake up, get dressed and out the door pretty quick and it’s very late in the evening when I return. 

I found a couple of friends who run a local business in the area that have helped me with my vehicle in the past.  They have been a God send and I spend most of my time sitting in their offices just chatting.  I feel like I am in the way but they assure me I am not.  I almost got to meet a cat tonight but I declined an offer.  I figured if I met the cat I would be going home with it and honestly I am NOT ready it’s far too soon.  However, I did go to the pet food store this morning and looked at the Clowder (the word means a group of cats) they had.  I had a couple that I felt an immediate attraction to and it honestly felt like they were all talking to me. 

My plan was to go back to work tomorrow but that’s not happening either.  I am taking the full week off.  I’ve got the time and honestly things aren’t that busy right now but I could careless about anything work related.  I’ve logged in just enough to tell them that I am out for the week and I expect to be back on Monday.  I mean at some point you have to go back the longer it is the harder it will be to dig out and in just the short 4 days I have been gone I am already at 402 emails.  Imagine what the count will be when I login on Monday morning. 

I am considering taking a short trip, just to get away from the area hopefully to a nice hotel and an in room Jacuzzi.  Even if I don’t go through with the trip I am using this time to try to relax and focus on other things besides my loss.  I like being around other people and having random conversations about anything and everything.  I think isolation in a hotel room for a couple days might send me in the wrong direction but I am exploring my options. 

I miss my Gator so very badly and it doesn’t take much to get the water works to turn on.  I am tired of crying but it’s important for me to let this out and not build up otherwise that becomes toxic to me.  I would like to check out of life but I keep being told that I matter and that I am here for a reason.  I honestly feel like I have served my purpose now that I have taken care of everyone it’s my turn to go next.  Despite not actually doing anything to hurry that process along I expect that my body may shutdown with some form of defect forming. 

I am not looking to concern or worry anyone, that’s the last thing I want.  I am just expressing my feelings here.  It doesn’t exactly help that were having crappy weather to go along with my grieving period.  When I see sunshine I can’t help but think of Gator and my other cats.  Cats love sunshine and Gator and her siblings used to bask in it. 

18 years was a wonderful life for her, she did me and her family proud.  The end always comes way too fast and just when things were really good this all happened out of no where.  Really wish that this was better timed, not that there would ever be a time when I would have been ready to let go, I knew the day would come eventually especially with age.  I was really hoping that she would live to be 19 or even 20. 

Thank you for being with me on this journey as it has unfolded.  There most likely will be silence here for a bit but don’t worry as I expect to be back.  Take care and may the sunshine bright in your life.   

One more try

As you might well imagine my mind is going 100mph and I am thinking of all sorts of different things.  I got the idea what if we increase her steroid, perhaps that will help drive her appetite.  The vet agreed that it was a viable option and something we can try.  However, she thinks that Gator has become resistant to the steroid.  We chatted a bit about next steps and they don’t normally send cats home with a tube in but I could bring her home for a couple days both with and/or without the tube.  They are looking at trying to help me get comfortable with the decision to end her life.  No matter how much time you give me I won’t ever be ready.  It a decision that I know at this point is the right call to make but I am trying for an 11th hour reprieve looking to buy time.  If she eats it’s encouraging but by no means does it mean we will be out of the woods.  She could relapse at any point and I would be back in the same position. 

Gator got the new dose at 3p and she will get her next tube feeding at 6p.  The vet will call me later this evening just before she is ready to leave.  I had shared with her that I had plans to make the call tonight but if she thinks that waiting until tomorrow morning would be better and might hold out an ounce of hope then I would be willing to do that.  She said it would be a worth while option to try but the final call when this is all over with is totally and completely in my hands.  Control is something that I like but right now it’s not something that I really want when it comes to an end of life decision. 

Since I am literally across the street from the vet and they are open 24 hours I can still make the call tonight if I want to.  Unless things take a turn for the worse or I just get a gut feeling that it’s the right time chances are I won’t make that decision until tomorrow.  Bottom line here is that Gator is terminal and I have to do what is best for both her and I.  I don’t want her to suffer or be miserable.  I honestly think she is whacked out of her mind on what ever pain meds she is on that the overnight vet started at 4a.  The present vet doesn’t want to take her off of it just in case she is in any pain but based on all outward appearances she is not in any pain. 

I spoke with my boss and I can take as much time as I want so he said but I know after a couple days he will probably want to retract that offer.  I get that at some point I have to resume a normal or semi-normal schedule if for nothing other than my own sanity.  My boss said to consider taking a trip next year.  We talked about Hawaii and he said that I would love it.  I realize if/when Gator is gone I’ve got nothing holding me back and I can travel or do whatever I want so long as I have the money to back it up.  I’ve thought about that for a very long time and honestly it sounds nice but it would be better if I had someone to travel with.  I told him that I would like a 1 way ticket to Hawaii and he asked why 1 way and not round trip.  I said because when I get there I hear it’s so great I will never want to leave.  He said that was very true. 

I went out for a bite to eat and am back home, realized I forgot to schedule a bill payment and did that.  Since I am in front of the computer might as well make a post.  I was given a grief hotline # that opens later this evening and I plan to give them a call just to see if I can get another perspective or view.  Yes I am trying to not only buy time but strike a bargain – it’s part of the grieving process which I feel I have entered despite the fact my girl is still alive. 

Finally before I go I asked the vet what the odds are that Gator’s body would make the decision for me and she said that it’s not likely that she would die in her sleep or otherwise suddenly cease to exist.  Unfortunately, she needs my help to be able to do that.  The only other way is to bring her home and let her starve to death and that will be a long, cruel and grueling process which while I think I might be able to get her to eat if she was more comfortable, we have kind of explored that and it didn’t work.  Yes I want to bring her home but if it’s only to go back to the vet then it’s not fair to her and it would just make me feel worse or so I feel.

Right now I pray that she starts eating and that her appetite doesn’t stop.  She’s part of Momma’s family and when one of those cats lose their appetite you play hell trying to get them to eat.  They are more stubborn than the day is long.  Gator loves food especially considering she goes through a minimum of 6 small cans per day and that’s 3 more than she actually needs.  Her weight has leveled out at 13 pounds so she really only lost 2 pounds since she was last at the vet.  That is not a good sign but Cancer patients typically have severe weight loss which is part of why I am not 100% convinced that it’s cancer but it can have a sudden on set and once the door slams shut it just never opens again.  It’s like that in people as well as animals. 

My fingers can type out all sorts of words but bottom line I have to face reality and there is a 99.9% chance that Gator will not come back home alive.  Accepting that and getting used to it will take time.  The vet told me not to move until I was ready but that it’s a decision that will need to be made in short order.  A couple days extra at best.  Right now my deadline is set for tomorrow morning and unless there is someone or something that changes my mind then it’s pretty much a done deal.  I may move it up to tonight but I kind of doubt that, there is still that part of me that says what if you gave her just a little bit of extra time, especially since I know how her mom and siblings were.  If I had the extra time (which I kind of do) I would really like to put this off until Tuesday or Wednesday then if there is no change it’s pretty certain that she won’t ever eat again on her own.  However, I don’t know that it’s fair or right to hold out that long. 

I love my cat and if that alone could save her she would have never been in this position.  Love causes us to do a lot of silly or out of the ordinary things that we wouldn’t otherwise do.  Kind of like when your super stressed.  While I look at this as a failure on my part I’m told that it’s a loss and not my fault.  I kind of feel like I should have gotten that silly wheeze checked out sooner and then perhaps we would be in a different position.  No matter what anyone says I’m going to beat myself up over this both now and after she is gone.  She is the last thing on this earth that is truly depending on me, that loved me for me and is so innocent.  I made my promise to her and I have to honor that.  Absent of that promise I am pretty much ready to move forward despite the fact that it will end her problem, it will cause me problems. 

Please oh please whoever is in charge upstairs you’ve got to make 2023 a better year for me, presuming I make it out of this year alive.  I want to have life be a more positive and upbeat experience for me instead of what it has been for the last 9 soon to be 10 years.  I mean even with the law of averages you’d think by now I would have struck some gold or gotten a huge win.  Maybe just maybe I did in the fact that I got to care for 7 cats the best I could and they enriched my life in ways that no person could.  I miss all of them so much and this present situation just re-opens very old wounds. 

Enough babble I need to get about doing some other things.  Hope that your day is/was better than mine has been.  

Quick update

I had optimism last night based on what I heard.  This morning I no longer am optimistic.  I am still giving her a fighting chance but odds are that I will be saying goodbye tonight.  What about one more day?  Yeah no matter what the situation I would like more time and will never be ready but honestly if she doesn’t start eating by tonight then for her sake and mine both it’s time to bring an end to this. 

I always knew that there would be a day that would come where I would have to say goodbye to her.  At least thus far she hasn’t died abruptly and I will be afforded the chance to say goodbye, which is something to be thankful for. 

Through a misunderstanding I got to visit with her, when I honestly really didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to upset her or myself but I managed to at least upset myself, I’m not sure that I did any harm to her.  When I first saw her she didn’t seem like she knew who I was and didn’t seem like my cat anymore, which is quite bothersome.  Eventually she warmed up to me and turned on her purr motor, she wants out of that place and wants to return home.  I’ve already had a conversation about that and even if I want to bring her home I won’t be permitted to, unless we do end of life at home.  While that could be comforting to her it would wreck me even more.  If were going down that path I would rather do it in the vets office, at least I can be with her. 

I’ve asked they leave her IV in place so that the medicine can be given that way instead of having to wait for the first drug to kick in and watching her turn into Frankenstein.  So the whole thing when I am ready will be super quick and she won’t suffer it will be peaceful and humane. 

It more likely here that she has lung cancer based on her x-ray.  I got to see it and the way the picture was painted there were 3 nodules we were looking at which is not the case.  She looks like she swallowed a bag of marbles and there are nodules everywhere.  Given her age it’s more likely that it’s cancer and not a non-cancerous granuloma.  I wish that I could get a straight answer from the start instead of having to find things out after the fact.  I value honesty and candor – mix in a little buffering but tell it to me how it is and don’t candy coat it to water down the news or the seriousness.  The only good thing about this situation is that after she does pass I will be forever done with this vet, short of having to go back to pick up her cremains. 

I made matters worse here having few people to turn to I called my brother.  What a mistake that was.  First he didn’t know who I was because I was crying, once he figured out who I was he told me that he no longer had my phone number.  Wow that told me how much he would care.  He just told me how awful the situation was and that it was time to let her go.  He offered to let me come by his place but I declined.  I would rather be alone or go to a restaurant and be surrounded by strangers.  I’ve got no plans to call him again and am thinking of just blocking him all together but I’d like to leave the door open in case someday he manages to come to his senses once he breaks free from the cult he is in, as if that day will ever come. 

Right now I am going to make a quick call to check to see if anything has changed and then I plan to watch TV and try if possible to relax a bit.  I am for sure off on Monday and Tuesday.  I plan to go back on Wednesday if I have regained my composure.  2 days hopefully will be more than enough time to process this. 

Life is sure going to be different without my little furry girl.  I will have to learn to truly adjust to being all alone.  I’d love nothing more than to end my suffering by exiting life but I don’t know that I have the strength to try anything drastic like that and if I did it would probably go wrong and I would be left with some form of a defect.  This really sucks and is unfair.  I know that her age of 18 shows how well she was cared for but I honestly wanted her to live to be at least 1 year older.  The only comfort I will have is that I won’t have to worry about her and that hopefully she will be reunited with her family. 

God help me and my little girl. 

Update

My Gator is in the hospital and they are placing a feeding tube.  Pushing an all liquid diet and watching to see if her appetite returns.  As you might well imagine this all comes with not the cheapest of costs.  This is her final shot and if I get a positive outcome great.  If not then it will be the end of the road and we will have to part ways.  It’s not fair to keep poking, prodding and generally making her miserable all because I want to keep her around despite the horrible quality of life she is having.  If something should go sideways while she is there and her heart stops I have asked that there be no life saving measures extended.  That’s just normal protocol I don’t expect her to have a cardiac event but the vet has liability and they have to cover themselves. 

I do realize that the prognosis here isn’t likely to turn out to be positive.  However, I made my little girl a promise that I would throw everything at her and give her a fighting chance just like I did with her siblings and mom.  If this fails then at least I have the comfort of knowing that I tried and I didn’t give up.  All efforts were exhausted.  That however won’t prevent the what if’s and you should have’s of self doubt and reflection that are also known as hindsight.

I am a physical and emotional wreck.  I’ve been running on pure adrenaline for days on end.  I need to take sometime for myself to rest and recover.  Plus there are my weekly tasks that I need to preform to keep going.  Sadly one of those tasks normally is cat food shopping and since I don’t know how this is going to turn out I am not buying more food.  I do have enough here to tide her if she comes home.  This place is so quiet and it’s odd being the only living thing here, that has never happened at least for the past 18 years but for this week. 

I feel like I am going to crash or pass out but I am not giving myself the opportunity to relax just yet.  The day is still young and I had a quick lunch at my Thanksgiving friends house.  I am still very hungry and want to go grab something I just haven’t decided on exactly what that something should be.  I thought it could be Mexican but that means I would have to go back in the direction I just came from.  I’d like to stay close to home for the benefit of being close by in case I was needed at the hospital. 

Right now I think I am taking Monday off regardless of how things go tomorrow.  I will be in a better position tomorrow to understand if that is the right move to make or if I should proceed working as if all is “normal”. 

What a hell of a mess this week has been.  I do hope for good news or a Christmas Miracle.  I will keep you posted as time permits.  Bye for now. 

It’s been a long day

My girl still has yet to eat.  Her last meal was consumed on Tuesday and today is Friday.  We are well within the 48 hour window I was given yesterday but I don’t have much hope that she is going to start eating and I do think we are headed back to the vet.  Gator is part of Momma’s family and when one of them loses their appetite it’s tough to get it back.  It’s not impossible but thus far she isn’t responding to anything that I offer her other than water.  She also peed in my room overnight. 

I have seriously cried over her today many times.  She hates to hear me cry it bothers her.  I don’t like to hear me cry but things don’t look the greatest and it’s the only way I can let it all out, outside of talking. 

I called our EAP line and talked with some person there for an hour an a half and I was all over the place on topics.  I’m supposed to have someone reaching out to want to set up follow up visits.  I think we get 3 for free and after that it’s up to your health insurance to cover the cost. 

I had an idea to talk with the vet and for the first time ever I was turned away.  I was livid.  They had 3 emergencies and I was told she didn’t have time to talk.  After all the money I spent there over the years and I’m coming to you in a time of need and you turn me away, WTF that is so messed up.  I get that there are people more important than me.  I was given an option to wait but that literally could have been hours on end and those would be hours I could have spent with Gator.  I left in disgust.  I called back hours later to check to see if there is some specific food that they recommend to help motivate her appetite.  Years ago Bear (aka Big Boy) was on food called Recovery it’s got a lot of fat in it but the cats are drawn to it like a moth to a flame and they can’t resist it.  The lady on the other end of the phone said that they no longer sell food and she wasn’t sure.  She would get a message to the doctor and call me back as soon as she heard something.  That was well over 2 hours ago and surprise crickets.  Perhaps I will hear something before the night is over but I honestly am not holding my breath. 

I’ve dug in and done more research.  A good portion of cats do well at home and recover just fine.  However, just because you make it through one time doesn’t mean that this can’t come back again.  There is a scale from Moderate to Critical and Gator’s case falls in the Moderate scale given her symptoms.  In my mind she is critical.  She is at high risk for developing Fatty Liver Disease if this goes on too long and at her age once that sets in it’s time to pull the plug.  Her brothers had it when they were younger and it was weeks of hospitalization and we had a hell of a bill but they had youth on their side.  Gator is at a high disadvantage because she is so old.  It’s recommended to establish a feeding tube as soon as possible to avoid the onset or worsening of her. 

I am still holding out a glimmer of hope that she will some how be motivated to resume eating and if that happens we are in a much better position than we are now.  Otherwise I am at a fork in the road.  Choice 1 is hospitalization and a feeding tube.  At which point you are force feeding the cat in the hope that eventually their appetite comes back and this can go on for weeks.  Your married to the cat at that point because every couple of hours they will need to be fed and you have to stick to a rigid schedule.  This is the absolute last hope and if it fails your at the end of the road.  Choice 2 is to just call it quits and let her go.  I feel like this is the best direction for both her and I.  It’s not by any means an easy choice to make and one that I have put a lot of thought into.  That’s why I wanted to talk with the vet.  I want to honor my promise that I made to my cat that i will do everything for her and I won’t give up on her but I feel like not exploring the feeding tube may cheat me out of the chance to extend her life.  Yeah I get it she has had a great life and lived to be 18 which is marvelous and says a lot about me as a pet parent.  However, she was the one who I think won the gene pool lottery and as a result until Marvin passed she hadn’t been to the vet since she was a kitten so this has been 2 years of vet visits.  I didn’t think I would get these 2 years but I prayed and I was blessed.  I think that anyone who knows me knows without question how much I care for her and how much she cares for me.  Fact of the matter is I will never, ever be ready or prepared to say goodbye.  I partially wish that she would just pass in her sleep but then I wouldn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye but I wouldn’t have to make a decision either. 

Right now I am up against a wall and I’m trying like hell to break it down to make things better and it’s a loosing battle.  If you know me you know I am no quitter and when the chips are down that seems to be when I am at my strongest oddly enough.  I will yell, scream and do whatever it takes to try to win and beat this.  However, reality kicks in and at some point you have to apply logic and reason to the matter.  It’s kind of like when I had to make the choice for my spouse to end his life.  It was not an easy choice to make but over the years we had many conversations and I knew what he wanted.  Gator and I haven’t had those some discussions and I have no idea what she wants other than to feel better or at the very least not feel lousy. 

There doesn’t seem to be any pain at this point but she is struggling to stay hydrated and drinking like a fish.  I’ve already given her all of the fluids I can for the day.  She is due for her anti nausea medicine at 7 and then at 9 it’s time for the appetite stimulant and she should have her steroid pill.  I hate poking and prodding her I feel like it’s all in vain but if I don’t try then I will never know.  Having patience and letting this play out is the hardest part.  There is the financial end of things as well I don’t want to piss away a bunch of money and wind up with a dead cat, but I do think that is what will happen. 

Yesterday I feel like I was going to get off this emotional merry go round but now I am right back on the damn thing and it’s going faster and faster.  I just want it to stop and I want my girl back.  I’d like to go back to some form of normal. 

Given all of this I told my boss that I might not be in on Monday.  His response was let your conscience be your guide.  If I do that then were all fucked.  He has no idea how badly I want out of this life of hell that I have been thrusted into that has lasted for almost 10 years.  Lots of problems and death.  Very little to look forward to and worse of all I am all alone and soon most likely won’t even have my little girl. 

The only upside to this is that unless I break down and get another pet I will never have to go through this again and that right there is enough motivation to keep from opening myself up to what will eventually lead to more hurt.  I also really don’t want to continue to live if my girl checks out on me.  She is the reason why I am getting out of bed, maintaining my job and moving forward with my life.  If you remove her then I have no incentive.  Even if we get past this eventually I won’t be able to out run the inevitable and I will have to part ways with her because no one and nothing lives forever.  We all have expiration dates just like that jug of milk in the fridge.  It’s really messed up when you think that we are just born to die. 

Let’s all hope for the best here.  Pray or do whatever you do to try to make this situation turn around for the better.  If that can’t happen then I pray it’s all over pretty quickly because it’s a living hell. Need to concentrate on my girl.  BTW I am exhausted and can’t seem to overcome that horrible feeling either.  Hope things are better in your world.  Thanks for your visit. 

Gator Update

What an emotional rollercoaster of a day!  Gator still isn’t eating so I called first thing this morning.  They gave me a 2:30p appointment because I couldn’t come in due to my doctor’s appointment.  I tried to get my doctor to move my appointment to later but his scheduled couldn’t accommodate that so I had to re-schedule my appointment until next month.  Gator is was and will always be my priority so long as I am not in any immediate distress.  That’s just how strong my love is for her.  Nothing or no one is going to get in the way and there are NO EXCEPTIONS!  I called back and managed to get a 10:30a appointment with the same doctor I saw on Tuesday. 

The plan this morning was to keep her for a few hours.  Get an x-ray because she is still nasally and has that wheeze.  A quick ultrasound to see how her intestines are doing and to check for cancer.  Cancer was where my money was at.  As of this morning when I dropped her off her weight went up by 1 pound from what it was on Tuesday.  That’s all water weight and how seriously she has been dehydrated.  I left her not knowing what was going on or if I would ever see her alive again. 

Having been up early I was running on pure adrenaline and that is finally starting to slowly wear off.  I went for some lunch at Cracker Barrel.  Of course the guy I asked out was working.  He saw me and made some purposeful movement to strut by where I was sitting as if to show off how beautiful he is, which I can’t deny.  However I’m not chasing his little ass if he wants me he’s got my number and the next move is clearly still his to make.  While I am confident he saw me he didn’t go out of his way to say hello and neither did I.  When I go back if I get sat in his section I am curious to see how he responds but I am not asking to sit in his section, if it’s meant to be it will happen. 

While I was waiting for someone to take my order I stupidly opened up my phone and began scrolling pictures of Gator and broke down.  I had to compose myself pretty quickly so people wouldn’t start to stare at me.  Thankfully I pulled it together.  I got my order placed, ate my food and left.  It was a decent meal and their Corn Bread Muffins always hit the spot with me. 

Went by the Post Office to get my new computer glasses and my reimbursement check.  Then back home where I would sit and wait for the phone to ring for several more hours.  Sadly it never did ring.  I watched TV, tried to sleep but that failed.  Then began to clean the house.  Back to watching TV and finally I couldn’t take it anymore.  I went to pickup my hard drive that FedEx dropped off and then hightailed it to the vets office to get an update on my girl. 

She is still alive and back at home.  It’s mixed news and we are NOT out of the woods.  She has some nodules on her lungs which is why she is wheezing.  They don’t know if they are cancerous or not right now the thought process is that they are granulomas.  It’s something were going to have to keep an eye on and for that reason the doctor wants her to remain on Prednisone.  She no longer has IBD and there is no Lymphoma present.  However, she has Pancreatitis and that can be fatal in cats.  They have thrown the best treatment at her in the hours they had her and sent me home with several more medications.  She has to have fluids every day until she is back to eating regularly to ensure that she doesn’t dehydrate.  They hydrated her much better than I could and gave some injectable medications to help stimulate her appetite.  The doctor said that she would do better at home recovering than if I left her there.  She was miserable all day long she just cried and sat in her litter box faced away from everyone.  She really wanted to come back home. 

Since being home for an hour she has consumed a small amount of water.  Used the litter box to urinate and is sleeping off and on.  We are very much in rough water and the thought process is that hopefully she will resume eating tomorrow but it could take up to 48 hours.  If she hasn’t eaten in 48 hours I need to go back and chances at that point I suspect will be much more bleak for a positive outcome. 

At the end of the day I believe I got the miracle or win that I asked for right now.  It wasn’t cheap by any stretch of the imagination.  However, if she starts eating and begins to have some good bowel movements then we are in an upward swing and chances are more favorable for recovery and a more positive outcome.  They don’t know why cats get this, they can’t say how long it will last and of course the reminder that it’s fatal in some cats. 

Gator seems much more alive now that she is home from her eventful day but I know that she is worn out as am I.  Thank God I have tomorrow off.  I think were both going to do some serious sleeping.  I’ve got to “de-gay” the house still and the exterminator will be here around lunch time.  I’d like to make a run to Sam’s Club and possibly a couple of other places if Gator will permit it.  I have thrown so much food away that it’s time to buy more and I seriously hope that she will eat.  I will widen the variety that I get her because you never know what could potentially strike a chord and cause her to start to eat.  She has food out now but is not interested.  I will continue to offer a variety and just pray that she starts eating.  Regardless of the reason if a cat stops eating and their appetite isn’t restored in short order it’s usually a death sentence I’ve been down this road many times before and it’s quite the emotional roller coaster.  If she continues to nibble or eat microscopic amounts I consider that positive progress and hold out hope but if she continues to turn her nose up at what is offered then my hope will diminish. 

Right now were in a pretty good spot all things considered.  I just pray that she starts eating that is the key to life for all of us.  If we stop eating and drinking then death will set in and organs will fail.  I don’t want her to suffer and want to give her every fighting chance.  She is stubborn as the day is long and I’ve told her to fight so I think, hope and pray that she will do everything in her power to try to eat. 

Now I need to get back up to be with her and get my self some supper, get the trash out and prepare for bed.  There is really nothing to watch on the streaming services and I fear that Christmas Break will be the worst with me trying to sift here and there for content. 

Please say a prayer, cross your eyes, fingers, toes, send positive vibrations out and lets all hope and expect nothing but a positive outcome here.  Thanks for stopping by and I will keep you updated as best as I can depending on how this plays out.  Take care and be well. 

Ah, Gator

Yesterday afternoon Gator started vomiting.  It was around 4:45p and then about every hour there after.  7p was the most violent and that’s when I went to check the medicine cabinet.  Turns out the medicine that I needed to use was from 2010 and being a syrup it had crystalized.  Damn.  Time to call the vet.  I got 3 options

1 – Withhold food/water for 12 hours

2 – Come over for medicine

3 – Come in for an office visit

They of course were on Emergency Hours but since one of the vets that I see was there she didn’t charge me the Emergency Fee, which now is up to $345 just to walk in the door.  That’s no medicine, testing or anything just the office visit. 

I of course opted to go in.  I had to wait a couple hours to be seen but of course when we walked in the door Gator went back to normal.  I think taking her to the vet was the cure all.  However, the vet gave her a large dose of an anti-nausea medicine.  She heard her wheeze and said that it sounded like she had something Upper Respiratory going on.  It’s been there since the summer.  For that she got a long acting injection of an antibiotic.  She has lost 3 pounds despite her hearty appetite and that’s since April.  Not a good sign.  I opted to have her routine blood work done to find out what was going on internally with her kidney values.  I do not expect good news.  I didn’t have to have the blood work done but I wanted to know it will aid in treatment. 

We talked about her bathroom issues and how she strains so much.  For that she now will start taking a stool softener, just like a human.  I have to cut the capsule and squirt a couple drops on her food.  Of course I don’t have any of it so I had to Amazon it.  It will be here on Thursday.  I just hope she is still with me. 

It was a very expensive evening as you can well imagine not to mention stressful on both Gator and me.  She ate a little bit of food when we finally got home but she mostly wanted to cuddle. 

I woke up at 4a and while I didn’t want to check on her, something inside made me.  I of course wound up waking her up and she was happy to see me.  I offered her some food but she wasn’t interested.  She mostly wanted company.  I sat with her for a bit.  Then returned to bed.  I heard her cry and went to check on her.  She was fine.  I returned to bed and then heard the same cry.  I did nothing and some how she managed to slinky into my room and I heard her breathing in her bed next to mine.  She was watching TV with me.  I finally was able to fall back to sleep. 

Woke up a few minutes before the alarm.  She heard me stretching and getting out of bed.  She did the same and cried out to let me know she was up.  I greeted her and she looked pleased to see me.  She acted like she wanted food.  I grabbed something for her and she of course wasn’t interested. 

I ate and got dressed.  Learned that overnight she managed to pee by the water fountain which is highly unusual and out of character for her.  Cleaned up that mess.  Just before I headed downstairs I found her by the water fountain.  I opened a can of Beef Gravy.  She loves gravy so I figured it would be a natural winner and she nibbled on it ever so slightly but not enough to make a dent.  She wanted water.  I went to start my day and then checked on her.  I found her in the same spot. 

I called over to the vet to find out if the nausea medication would suppress her appetite.  The person on the phone told me it’s common to see a decreased appetite after a dose of the medicine so hopefully by this afternoon things start perking up.  If not then tomorrow morning.  If she isn’t eating by then it’s time to call but I can call as early as tonight if I want.  Kind of give it some time and things may turn around. 

It feels like I am in the death spiral.  It’s a strange feeling but right now that is where my gut is telling me we are headed.  Hopefully, it’s wrong.  I mean she is old and it’s not off the wall to think that she is going to check out but that doesn’t mean that I am giving up on her. 

I sifted through the baby food and managed to find 2 cans that are still good to use.  The rest I threw away.  I had just remarked on Sunday that I needed to clean that up and probably buy more food.  It’s a cheap insurance policy if she loses her appetite baby food is a great way to get a cat to start eating again.  I’ve also got an appetite stimulant but it takes 3 days to fully work and I wouldn’t give that to her without talking with the vet first.  The baby food is high on the list of things to try this afternoon/evening if she isn’t back to eating again. 

It’s the holiday season and I really need her now.  I told her not to give up on me or check out.  There never is going to be a good time for us to part ways but damn please don’t do it around a holiday. 

I’m glad that I am off the rest of the week but kind of wishing right now that I didn’t have a doctors appointment scheduled for me.  I can always cancel but for now I am leaving my plans alone.  I really hope that this afternoon she returns to eating normally and I can exhale and get rid of this awful feeling that I am going to lose her.  I’m scared and alone which is awful.  Yet another reason why I don’t like being alone. 

What I think caused all of this is that she managed to step in her litter box deposit yesterday and I spent part of my lunch hour yesterday cleaning her up, which was not a fun task.  I used a baby wipe and I think she perhaps she did some grooming afterwards and that is what caused this.  The vet said the baby wipes were fine to use but I still feel like if we could have avoided that then she wouldn’t be where she is now.  Water under the bridge. 

Stay tuned and I will let you know how this turns out.  It’s difficult to work and concentrate.  Last I checked on her she was in my room sleeping like she normally does.  Rest for her right now is a good thing.  Cheers!

Reflection–Memory Lane

Yesterday I took some time to sift through all of the comments that have been left on my posts over the years.  I really miss my Canadian Friend Jude she was a regular commenter and we met many years back.  Unfortunately, she passed during the pandemic from something other than COVID.  I saw other comments from past folks who have been with me as well for years.  Then others that just started in the past couple years.  It was comforting and refreshing.  I can’t believe that I have been typing my heart out for so many years.  Here we are long after blogging really has gone out of fashion for the most part and I am still with it.  Social Media has well taken over from blogging but I like having my own platform being able to post what I want and not having to worry about character limits and while the whole world can find me, only the people that really care what I am typing are reading this and probably a few bots.  I miss the good old days of blogging when that was the only platform around other than My Space.  As my late grandfather would say “Time stands still for no man”.  There are times in your life when you get news that just knocks the wind out of you and it feels like time is standing still if only for a moment but in reality it’s still ticking away regardless if your here or not. 

Last night I thought I was done with work but apparently not.  I had to power up my laptop 2 different times.  The second time was the worst because my supper was interrupted by my bosses boss and it was an off the wall question but I got him what he needed.  Right in the middle of eating a piece of German Chocolate Cake which was the worst possible time for him to call.  I left my call forwarding on and that’s how he was able to reach me.  If I turn it off each day I don’t remember to turn it on until hours after my day has started if I remember at all.  However, I do have a note on my calendar to turn it off on Wednesday when I am done so I don’t get bothered on my days off.  I hate when that guy calls me it makes my skin crawl and his requests are always not easy to deal with.  Thankfully I was able to get rid of him pretty quickly last night, he had no idea I was at home much less eating.  He’s got no concept of time of day. 

I’m listening to our Annual Sexual Harassment training, boring.  It’s going to go for a full hour and then my day really gets going with other meetings and tasks.  The day should be done pretty quickly since I will be busy or so I hope. 

I woke up last night from Gator asking for food and I didn’t feel well.  It took me a bit to fall back asleep I sat up and watched some TV.  I am a little tired this morning and don’t feel the best but not bad enough to call it quits from work.  I’ve been thinking for a while that I am getting sick.  I feel bad one day and then another day I bounce back and am fine.  I would like to flush out what ever is lingering.  I had planned for my next COVID booster but really don’t want to get that since I think I might be getting sick.  I had also originally thought about the Singles Vaccine but not right now for either of these.  The COVID booster is my primary vaccine I’d like to get out of the way as soon as possible so that I have the additional protection since last year I started out the year with COVID.  That was no fun and I really don’t want to repeat it.  Of course being Winter time, colder temperatures germs are on the rise and that includes COVID cases.  Yuk.  Not to mention that people seem to be dropping dead at an alarming rate, granted mostly famous people but it seems like it happens more often when it’s cold outside. 

Speaking of the Gator, she made me feed her breakfast while she waited in bed for me.  I got my breakfast out of the way and got dressed and then fed her.  Duck was on the menu and she did a pretty good job gobbling that down.  I am pretty sure she is napping.  It’s was a super foggy morning, the day is supposed to be overcast and rain is in the forecast.  Not exactly a great looking day.  I suspect that she will sleep for the bulk of the day.  Kind of wish I could join her. 

Other than that it’s just putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.  Glad tomorrow is my Friday, quitting time can’t come fast enough.  I so look forward to disconnecting.  Unfortunately, when I return I will be back on-call but on the bright side it’s the last time this year.  Then we start all over again come January. 

Hope you have a good day, stay warm and are well.  Talk with you all again soon.  Thanks for stopping by.   

Giving up on Windows Search

I went through a mountain of steps to try to reset and repair file indexing in Windows 10, none of which worked.  I still get a grey flash and then can’t type in file explorer.  I could upgrade to Windows 11 but I am not a fan and until I am forced I won’t be upgrading. 

I looked for free alternatives to Windows Explorer search.  The top recommendation I found was a product called One Commander (https://www.onecommander.com/) it’s free for personal use.  It take a little adjusting but I think it’s my new best friend when it comes to searching, at least for now.

Just in case anyone of you encountered this problem I thought I would share the solution I found.  It seems to work pretty well.  If you perhaps know of a fix for Windows 10 that I might not have tried feel free to leave it in the comments, if your solution resolves my problem I will give you a shout out.

Computers there great but only when they work correctly!

? Quiet Monday

Hi – Thus far it’s a quiet Monday.  I had something come in over the weekend that could wait for this morning and I planned on taking care of it but someone beat me to the punch.  I’ve tended to all of my normal tasks for a Monday morning.  Now it’s time to occupy myself and stay awake.  I’ve checked my new hard drive and it seems to be holding data.  I’ve got 2 large folders to move over to complete part of the project.  They folders where I have to go back and sort & filter as I like to sort by site before I place scenes in a library.  However, the library is what is missing right now and I am waiting for my data backup provider to ship the damn drive already.  Once I move these folders over I can essentially format the drive the data has been moved from.  What prompted this was the fact that the drive that I was using was slowly running out of space plus it randomly disappears and I have to add it back, there is no rhyme or reason and I have to police it.  There are times when it will stay put for a while and then there are times when it disappears more often.  The solution that I have come up with according to on-line references is to format the drive.  I honestly don’t see how that will help but perhaps giving it a new drive letter and a fresh start will be just what the doctor ordered. 

A new computer issues I am dealing with that I have opted to take time to try to resolve.  Is that when I pull up a drive I go to the search panel to say look for a file and I see a flash of grey and I can’t type.  I’ve tried a few things thus far but nothing seems to have helped.  I plan to research this a bit more this morning and perhaps find a fix.  This is something that I use often especially with porn if I think I have a scene and don’t want to download a duplicate I can do a search by scene name or performer and find out pretty fast if I have it.  This all stopped working a couple months ago and I just never took time to deal with it. 

As I had suspected in my post yesterday things worked out for me last night.  There was a new scene released with Justin Matthews who is one of many of my favorite porn performers and watching him on screen seemed to do the trick.  Once the mess was cleaned up I was able to enjoy what was left of my evening. 

I got to cuddle with Gator or she cuddled with me and I watched the latest episode of The White Lotus.  That pretty well took care of the evening.  I believe I was watching YouTube videos when Gator opted to get up because she wanted food.  I had to fetch her something from the kitchen and when I came back to my room I just called it and went to bed.  I was watching something and just called it, turned the TV off and white noise on.  Gator was snuggled up in her bed and we called it a night.  That only lasted for a few hours until the little furry monster got hungry and woke me up at 2a.  I was able to feed her and go back to bed.  She woke me one additional time I think maybe 4a but not sure and I gave her more food, that did the trick.  I had some odd dreams but nothing like I had on Saturday night.  I woke up a few minutes before the alarm was going to sound and just rolled out of bed. 

Gator was in her bed on the couch waiting for me.  I said my good morning to her and waved as I went to the bathroom.  She began her morning cry of feed me, don’t forget about me, I am hungry, remember your baby, please feed me.  As I made my way to the kitchen she kept her crying going and I got her food ready.  She was on the floor by the time I was ready to give her the plate and she went to town.  Then she had to have some water.  Meanwhile I was taking care of making my own breakfast and eating.  I went to get dressed and she is usually back on the couch but this morning she hung out by the fountain a bit longer  I eventually coaxed her into the living room where I had to pet her and she ate some more food.  Then I told her I was headed to work and she was trying to go to sleep.  I know that she will hightail it into my room she likes the dark and it’s warmer in there.  That’s where I expect to find her when I go up next. 

It’s a bit warmer here today but still on the cold side.  Very little sunshine here today.  I also found out the good news that it will be raining on Thursday when I have to head to the doctor.  I hate driving in the rain regardless if it’s in daylight or at night time.  Mostly because it can be difficult to see and people think they are super human and do all sorts of stupid things.  I also don’t like getting wet.  I mean I take a shower at home for a reason.  Ah well, I guess it could always be worse.  Gator looks forward to and takes advantage of the sun setting the light comes beaming into the living room and she just lays in her bed soaking up the rays.  I enjoy watching her bask in the sun and just ham it up.  There are times when she thinks I am in charge of the sunshine and I have to tell her that’s not my area.  I can provide light but not sunlight. 

There you have it my Sunday evening and Monday thus far.  Now on to battle with the computer gremlins while keeping an eye on things at work.  One meeting this afternoon after lunch but the morning unless something happens is wide open and free.  I do hope that it will stay quiet. 

One thing I got excited about yesterday was the fact that my Dyson attachments fit my new Shark Vacuum.  I had purchased a tool to help keep the dryer lint free and was able to use it yesterday, it worked wonders.  I was super surprised that it fit.  So that’s a plus. 

Have a great Monday and stay warm & well. 

Frozen Sunday

It’s wicked cold out this morning.  I made it to breakfast, saw the waiter guy and I’m pretty sure he saw me.  I wasn’t sat in his section but he didn’t go out of his way to say hi and neither did I.  I know our paths will cross again eventually and that will probably be awkward.  I will still never understand why someone says they are interested but then they never follow through.  It’s upsetting to me and it hurts a little bit. 

Last night I had a couple of nightmares.  One of which was about this straight guy that I have had a crush on for years.  He was letting me take care of him and his wife caught us.  Some how we were in some kind of secure military facility and I was exposed for being an intruder.  I of course ran but I was naked and eventually I was trapped.  The media coverage was intense and then I woke up.  The thought of having sex with him is appealing but since he’s married that kind of removes him from my list of possibilities.  It doesn’t negate the attraction I have to him. 

I watched porn last night before bed but nothing happened.  It’s been days and I watch but then my desire is gone and it’s like I am watching TV.  It’s got no affect on me.  Probably why sex is making its way into my dreams.  That tends to happen when things build up and it’s been days.  Don’t get me wrong I want to have some fun and I think about it but then when it’s time the desire isn’t there and well sex is one of those things for me that if the desire isn’t there then nothing happens.  I am hopeful for promising results tonight. 

I think the combination of being turned down and having a request misunderstood that has taken a tole on me.  Plus the fact that I am hyper focused on the fact I am alone and slightly desperate to remedy that.  Mix in the holidays and there is the perfect recipe for a boner mood killer.  I still know a good looking guy when I see one.  In fact last night the waiter I finally asked, put his whole ass up when he was cleaning a table and my mouth started watering and my mind was wondering.  It was a nice show. 

Now that is out of the way back on track.  So I wanted to hit up a second grocery store for Christmas Cookies but that didn’t happen because it was so cold out.  I was also supposed to go back out to Sam’s because I need TP but that isn’t happening either because it’s too cold.  I grabbed some TP that I thought was priced in the okay range at the store and that will tide me.  I plan to hit up Sam’s later in the week on one of my days off and possibly will hit up the other grocery store then.  Today is just one of those days where I wanted to throw on layers, snuggle up with Gator and call it quits. 

Speaking of Gator she came around last night.  She ate the food I had originally offered to her later in the evening and managed to clean the plate over the course of a couple hours.  Then she asked for more.  I think I caught her when she had just filled up on her own or her mood was off.  At least she didn’t growl at me but she didn’t really like it when I touched her stomach.  Today all is well and she is back to her normal self.  Being needy and eating food.  She woke me up from my breakfast food coma so that I didn’t waste the entire day in bed, which I easily can do. 

I brought the new vacuum cleaner to the basement and plan to run it down here.  I’ve got filing to do and have already paid bills.  Still no movement on Gay Calendars but that is on my list of things to order really soon.  Not sure why I am procrastinating so much, probably has something to do with the cold and perhaps depression.

The new drive seems to be doing okay I have loaded it up with some test run of files and I am seeing how it behaves if all is well then I will move over more.  It’s formatted in EXFAT which is typical for USB drives/devices today.  I’m not concerned with the format type just as long as the drive does it’s job and doesn’t let me down by randomly removing files or losing data in general.  I don’t have it as part of my backup schedule but as soon as it proves my worthy test then I will be adding it.  Hopefully, my missing data will be shipped and arrive this week, fingers crossed.  I am so nervous since that drive contained what was my collection and it spanned years and many subscriptions.  In reality it’s not worth anything to anyone else but considering I paid my money for the contents I want it back. 

3 days for me this week which should fly by.  I had originally planned on going into the office but since it’s only 3 days unless something major happens tomorrow that warrants me going in on Tuesday I plan to do all 3 days at home.  Then as luck would have it my last on-call week is when I return and we all know I don’t like going in when I am on-call so probably the 3rd week of December will be the 1 week I am in the office this month.  The last week of the year is only 4 days and chances are good that I will sit that one out as well.  Kind of feels like I just flew to the end of the year with just a few sentences.  I’m eager to start fresh just as long as I don’t get COVID again and that 2023 can truly be a better year for me where I can find the right guy/man that completes me.  Perhaps I can rid this place of some junk and at least make it more comfortable for me and Gator.  There are times when I wish I had a Crystal Ball and could see into the future but then again it’s probably better that I can’t. 

Here’s hoping that you stay warm, well and that this week is a good one!  Take care.

Asked & Answered

Friday is well done. Gator got her fluids and while she wasn’t happy about it, she took them in stride. We got in some cuddle time and I eventually fell asleep but wasn’t paying much attention to the clock but I know it was a decent hour. Gator did wake me overnight for her hunger pains and I fetched her food.

Saturday rolled in and I of course didn’t want to roll out of bed, typical for me and a Saturday. It was comforting to know I didn’t have to be up. However, my body woke me at 7a and I took care of Gator and just watched some TV until I was able to fall back asleep. I got up a few hours later, made my way to the kitchen and had some oatmeal & Christmas cookies with a glass of milk for breakfast. Then back to the TV and eventually back to bed. Gator wouldn’t let me sleep past 1p. However, I didn’t really get moving until 2p.

Made it to the post office to fetch my check and it was a nice sum of money. About ½ of what my late mother-in-law paid for the ring, which I think is a good deal for me. Lord knows I could have used the money more back when I listed it but I am still glad that it finally sold. The money will go to good use now, I mean that’s the thing about money there really isn’t a time when you don’t need some. It’s the gift that never goes out of style.

I stopped in at the Pet Food store to grab some Gator food and dropped another $43 this week. She is really eating pretty good for a cat. Although tonight when I finally got home, I opened a can of food and she didn’t want any. She hopped up in her bed and I figured she wanted me to feed her from bed but instead of eating she showed me her teeth and didn’t want it. I guess she isn’t feeling the greatest or she just ate before I came home, not sure which. I’m a little concerned because she has never turned down food and she has never shown me her teeth like that before. That was something her sister used to do when it was claw trimming time. She is purring and lets me touch her so I suppose those are good signs. That little ball of fur always manages to keep me on edge.

I went for pizza and as luck would have it the hunky waiter I liked was working, waited on me and we had some time to talk. I asked him out and he took my number then proceeded to tell me all about him and his girlfriend. Great he thinks I am just being nice and doesn’t realize I just hit on him, plus he’s straight. Funny thing is that we live pretty close to each other. He travels a hell of a way for work though. I don’t think I will hear from him but hey you never know. I can use friends and if a friendship blossoms great. I am glad that I finally got it off my chest and asked him. I kind of figured it was time to rip off the band aid. At least I won’t have to speculate anymore. It’s done.

My hard drive came yesterday. I let it warm up overnight and finally just unboxed it and plugged it in before making this post. I am copying data to it. I feel more comfortable with it but still there is the possibility that something could go wrong so I am proceeding with caution. My backup provider hasn’t shipped my drive yet but it should be here next week.

My new computer glasses will be here next week. It would be nice if my reimbursement would also arrive. The claim is paid and the check is in the mail but it just hasn’t gotten here yet. My vision insurance provider said that it’s coming from California and I have to allow 10 working days. The clock has run out already but I am still trying to be patient but if the check isn’t here by mid-week, then I will complain.

My new benefit information about the new mail order pharmacy my health insurance has changed to hasn’t arrived yet and that starts on Jan 1. I was hopeful to have the information by now. So, yet something else I have to police and potentially complain about. I thought it arrived already but I mistook what I thought was valuable information for nothing more than junk mail from my insurance provider.

Well going up to be with Gator. Out to breakfast in the morning, grocery store and gas station. I will need to make a trip out to Sam’s since I completely forgot about them today and it wasn’t until I was on my way back from the pizza place that it hit me. I need TP so it’s not like I can skip this.

The exterminator is also coming on Friday so I have to de gay the house by putting away all of my naked men and some toys. Looking forward to being off call on Monday, working 3 short days from home and then calling it quits for the week. Enjoying what will be my last 2 days of PTO that I plan to use this year. Carrying over a decent amount into next year but it’s not the 80 hours that I wanted to carry. I like having a cushion so if it’s needed, I know it’s there, kind of like money in the bank. You can’t have enough time off or enough money.

Hoping that My Gator is okay and that we don’t have to go see the vet. It’s cold here and between her in my lap and a blanket it’s a furnace. Nice and cozy. Take care and be well.

Rejoice it’s Friday

I’m so happy that today is Friday.  This week did fly by although there were some moments when I wondered if the week would ever end.  Nice calm evening last night, a couple things that I needed to deal with work related. 

Consumed a lot of YouTube content but honestly other than a car buying tip video there isn’t much of it that I recall at the moment.  Looking forward to clearing off my DVR content which I will start tonight. 

I’ve been hungry for pizza for a bit so last night I made and consumed an entire frozen pizza.  It was something cheap I picked up and no Tombstone but it was pretty good for $2.50.  Not that it was healthy.  Pizza craving curbed for the moment but I might go for pizza over the weekend. 

Gator is doing okay still waking me up for food and enjoying cuddle time.  Last night she was all settled in and then she wanted food.  I got her back to the floor, opened a can of food, she ate it and then she cried to get back in my lap.  Once there she wasn’t happy she wanted back down.  Time to go for water.  She was gone for a bit then came back and wanted back in my lap.  Finally she settled down and went to sleep.  Nothing like watching her sleep, she is such an Angel and look so damn comfortable and peaceful all the time.  Were at the one week mark for fluids so I will be pushing those in her today. 

My sinus are acting up today.  Time for an extra allergy pill, although I think it might not be allergies.  Just got my email of my scanned mail and my check from the jeweler is waiting for me.  I hope I am happy when I open it, then again no matter what the amount it’s money I didn’t have before so I guess it a good thing no matter what the amount is. 

I’ve spent the morning knocking out tasks and updating some documents both at work and at home.  I feel oddly productive for a Friday.  I could also be talked into a nap but I know if I go that route all hell will break loose so I am trying to avoid giving into temptation.

Don’t ask me how it happened but Amazon delivered a package of recurring shipping items to the wrong address.  I opened the email that said it was delivered and the picture wasn’t of my front porch.  Thankfully by the time I took the trash out in the afternoon my neighbor had placed it on my porch.  Just routine OTC medication and a probiotic for Gator, nothing exciting.  My new hard drive will be here tomorrow and I hope they get that delivery right.  It’s not a cheap item and I want to be sure I get it.  Every street in this subdivision starts out with the same 3 letters and I get that it’s confusing but all you have to do is pay attention to GPS and you can’t possibly go wrong if the address on the package doesn’t match where you are on GPS you shouldn’t drop it.  I get the pressure Amazon workers are under and they want to meet there goals and objectives.  Mistakes are bound to happen regardless when a human is involved but they should have some double check system in place that calls out if they are going to the wrong address. 

It’s extra windy here today and things are going to get worse as the day goes on, not looking forward to that.  Hopefully, everything outside that is erect stays erect and doesn’t come crashing down or blowing into my yard/house.  It’s days like this that makes me happy we got rid of the trees in the backyard as a day like today would cause me some extra concern.  I need to head out and grab the trash barrel.  So thankful the trash trucks were running late this morning and didn’t get here until 7a.  However, this was one of those mornings where I really didn’t want to get out of bed.  I do hope that I can acquire enough sleep over the weekend that my body is craving as well as accomplish something each day instead of wasting an entire day.  I like being lazy and I will be lazy but I just don’t want that to last all day long.  Got to get to Sam’s Club again I’m out of TP and thought I would pick some up at the grocery store.  Man they have seriously marked that stuff way up so better off going to Sam’s better bang for my buck.

Hope your having a great day, life is treating you fair and you are safe & warm.  Have a great weekend and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t.  I will try to behave myself.  Take care!