Office Closed

Yesterday our office was closed due to the recent political case that has sparked controversy across America.  Our management team didn’t get to make this call, the building management made it for them.  They locked the building down and said no one would be allowed to enter.  This gave me a day to myself, which I needed but being human I am greedy and would like another day.  I think its pointless to come back for one day but business is in it for the almighty dollar so here I sit at my desk on what has thus far been a very quiet morning.  They let us wear jeans and there is no charge for that.  Normally on Fridays you can wear jeans for $5 the money goes to a different charity each week.  That is sweet and all but I don’t have money to give away.  I also don’t like being charged to wear my own clothes. So this is the first time I have worn jeans on this job to the office. 

Yesterday I was able to get my car in for service, so the transmission got taken care of.  Of course my wallet was taken advantage of but that was to be expected.  While I was there for the first time they had donuts from a new shop that opened across the street.  I got a Blueberry Cake Donut that was just out of sight.  I could eat a couple more.  That helped to pass the time – it took 2 hours.  Doesn’t seem like a long time until you are the one sitting and waiting.  I also got to call the bank and found that my last car payment is less than a normal payment.  Today is pay day and I actually have enough left over to pay it off early if I wanted to but I am hanging on to my extra money for groceries, cat food and maybe I will be able to save a little bit  I was also able to go to the bar and participate in Taco Tuesday.  I put away 8 tacos that’s 4 soft and 4 hard, which are deep fried.  Yes I was stuffed!

My home loan has been sold so I have a new bank to deal with.  They send monthly statements which I find odd but nice.  I have signed up for on-line access to my account and all appears to be well.  I have scheduled my first payment for Monday.  The due date is still at the 1st of the month with a 15 day grace period, after that look out there are major fees.  Kind of nice because that is how I planned to pay for it.  I am still waiting on my refund from the other lender and I have a sinking feeling that they are going to send it to the Bankruptcy court and not to me.  Time will of course tell.  They have 30 days from the date the loan was paid off to get it to me and time is running out.

I realized that I promised another friend a copy of my book so I had to order some additional proof copies.  My Amazon order came yesterday and I got all but 1 item that I ordered.  I reach out to Amazon and they issued a refund, which is what I asked for.  I will say they have great customer service and yes I am a Prime Member.  I am addicted to 2 day free shipping. 

Last night I spoke with my friends and we have developed our plan of attack for Thursday.  Like last year I will drive to their house, they will drive to pick up a friend of theirs and then we will all arrive at the restaurant at the same time.  I am so looking forward to it.  I haven’t heard from my other friends that I invited and I suspect they aren’t coming.  Another pal of mine said you’d think they would at least call and let you know.  Yeah, they are letting me know by not calling.  I get it. 

So a friends wireless phone went out.  He has been out of contract for 2 years and he went to the AT&T store and got signed up on their next service, which allows him to get a new phone every 2 years.  When he told me this I couldn’t hold my reaction back and said oh no.  That is because when I was there I did the math and I had the same option to consider.  You actually wind up paying double what your phone is worth.  Plus he switched plans away from unlimited everything, which is another huge mistake in my opinion.  He didn’t have money to buy a phone outright, so he did the next thing.  He has a new Nokia Windows Based phone.  I am anxious to see it, not that I am going to switch but new tech is always of interest to me.  I just hate to see him taken advantage of because of his financial status.  He makes far less than I do but has much better benefits and time off than I do.  So in the end it evens out, especially since he has a pension that he will be able to draw from when he retires.  His house is also paid for.  I just think he is in credit card debt up to his ears. 

As we draw closer to the holiday I can’t help but think of my two guys.  First being my late partner and Second being Mr. Blu.  I really wished they were both still here.  They made the house come alive and it’s actually really quiet.  LB is following me around like a lost puppy and always wanting food.  Yesterday I tripped over him and some how managed to chop off 1/2 of a toe nail.  Not the nail bed (thank God) but the actual nail.  I have almost fallen several times because of him.  He gets kicked often because he is in the way and I don’t see him.  That was my late partners only objection to cats.  They love to circle and hand out around your feet.  Driving in today I thought wow tomorrow is Thanksgiving and then it hit me.  You’d think that it would be a little easier since in 5 months or so it will be 2 years.  I also wish that I could tell people here at work, I know everyone would be shocked first that I lost a spouse and second that I am gay.  However, some things are better kept under wraps.  I will be thinking of him tomorrow and there is no doubt that his absence will be felt at the table as we sit and choose what menu items we want.  He always enjoyed looking at the holiday decorations.  He loved food as do I so this I would say was his favorite holiday, I know it is mine.  He liked the leftovers so he would make an entire meal for us to eat at home as well and we would have Turkey for days.  I miss his Turkey Noodle Soup.  It wasn’t the best thing in the world but the effort and love tasted wonderfully.  The more I write the more I kind of think that I took him for granted and didn’t really appreciate him enough.  I guess that is a normal reaction when you are grieving. 

On a different note, the wonder of the day is will they let us go early since it’s the day before a holiday.  I say since we had yesterday off they will make us work the entire day.  If we get to go early they won’t announce it until after lunch and typically they allow everyone to leave 2 hours before their normal end time.  I will happily take what I can get.  Monday I had the worry about what I would do, well that worry soon turned in to all sorts of problems and I found myself crazy busy.  Now, today I feel the quiet, a lot of people are out of the office and call volume will be way down unless of course something major breaks.  So I think today is the day that will drag on forever and that there won’t be much to do.  Well I know that the time will pass eventually.  I am high on sugar right now.  I had a Cinnamon Roll with my breakfast and then a co-worker stopped at a bakery and picked up a cookie with frosting on it.  So once that sugar wears off it will be nap time.  I could get away with that if I stay in the inventory closet, but the consequences are far too great if I get caught so I will stay awake and try to occupy my time.

I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy the rest of the week.  If your crazy enough to go out on Black Friday be careful!  You might get a good deal but that deal isn’t worth your life or a limb.  People get crazy on bargain day.  In fact some stores are even opening later in the day on Thanksgiving.  I think that is totally uncalled for but welcome to the world of retail where cash is king!

Moody Monday

Like most Monday’s I didn’t want to get out of bed, but did.  Morning came all too early.  Last night I watched part of Dallas Buyers Club.  It’s very interesting, I look forward to finishing the movie tonight or at least sometime this week.  I had a Tombstone Chicken Fajita Pizza for supper.  I always put on extra cheese and with this limited edition pizza it was truly a home run.  I ate 1/2 last night and will finish this yummy creation tonight. 

Traffic was light on the commute in, I hope that proves true for the commute home.  Snow that was in the forecast has been taken out, however flurries are listed so I guess that is better than nothing.  My leather jacket is all shiny but a bit too warm this morning for the 41 degree temperature.  I had to have some cold air blowing on me, but it wasn’t ac just outside air  I am strange like that my feet are cold but my head is sweating.  Too bad they don’t make a thermostat for people like me.  It’s times like this that I think I am a woman trapped in a man’s body.

I have the Yanni song Vertigo stuck in my head.  It’s really catchy, look it up on You Tube if you like instrumental/new age music.  The softer sounds are nice for relaxing but for the most part I enjoy the up tempo music  It makes me come alive and even provides energy.  It’s a great way to work, especially if your doing a task that you don’t particularly enjoy.

Last night I gave Bear his bath, just a few wet paper towels and I rub his groin and rear end.  He loves it.  I gave him his medicine and then went about my evening.  He came in my room panting but ready for a belly rub.  I rubbed back a little too far to discover he is in need of yet another bath.  I caught him the other night starting to go on the rug and lifted him up and put him in the litter box.  He completed his task in the litter box.  Wow, he is such a huge responsibility and he seems to always want attention  The problem is he isn’t exactly portable.  Hopefully over the holiday break I will be able to lay down with him and take a nap or at least cuddle for a little while.  I know he will enjoy it.  I worry more often than not that his time will come and I won’t have spent enough time with him.  He knows I love him because of all that I have done and all that I continue to do for him.  Who else would rotate his plate?  Who would bathe him?  Who would give him medicine?  No one, unless they loved him.

My bigger worry is here at work, since it is at least calm now.  I worry that there isn’t going to be much to do today, let alone this week so the days are going to drag by.  I guess only time will tell.  I think that line just jinxed us.  We are big into virtual desktops, I was working along when bam, the machine just went dark.  Soon the calls started pouring in and this apparently happened to everyone.  Well I guess I no longer have to worry.  My machine came back up but when I went to login to Outlook it said the server was unavailable.  Then I went to reboot and now have no desktop.  Hey I am glad I bought this laptop, at least I can goof off.  Now things are back up and everyone is working again, awesome!

Well I made it into my lunch time, so the day is a little over 1/2 way done, which is a very good thing.  I am looking forward to getting home to see the furry clan and enjoy my left over pizza.  Be safe and I will try to do the same.  Talk with you peeps later.

Lazy Weekend

Saturday I wanted to spend the entire day in bed.  I was there longer than I should have been but it didn’t seem long enough.  I made it out of the house to get the mail and cat food. Then back home to put away the cat food and feed the cats.  I got on the scale later in the evening and saw that I lost 3 pounds, so I rewarded myself with a pint of Cherries Garcia.  I also saw 22 Jump Street.  It wasn’t that good and I think it was a waste of $5.  I saw a movie on Netflix called La Bare it’s about a male strip club in Texas.  Very interesting and some good looking men!

Speaking of men, all of my subscriptions to dating apps have expired.  I still have the apps on my phone but am using them in free mode instead of in paid mode.  So I don’t get some of the extra bells and whistles, but honestly I am turned off by them.  I haven’t been able to find anyone thus far that wants a meaningful relationship, which is what I am after.  The guy at the pet food store is I think close to that but I have the feeling that he isn’t interested in me as much as I think he is.  He wasn’t there when I was in yesterday, better luck next week perhaps.

Sunday woke up early, went to breakfast and the grocery store.  Since we only have 3 days this week I didn’t pickup a lot of food.  I have plenty of frozen stuff at home and we are getting paid early because of the holiday, so I am certain I will survive.  If the timing is right I can go an entire day and only eat 2 meals, if I want to push it back to 1 I can sometimes make that work.  The thing I have to watch out for is an unsafe and sudden drop in blood sugar.  Man that feels horrible and then you want to eat and eat and eat so that you will feel better.  It takes a while for the body to catch up and process food.

I have just shined my leather jacket, bet you never heard someone say that.  Then I applied a spray to make it waterproof.  I see by the weather forecast that snow is on tap for tomorrow.  We have had fall like temps for a couple days but it looks like we are headed back into the deep freeze tomorrow.  I am perfectly okay with it.  It’s that time of year.  I would like to have snow on Thanksgiving, even if it’s only flurries.  It would be a comfort to me.  My late partner always loved snow and now that he is gone, I find myself liking the white stuff too. 

Honestly I didn’t think I would have any problems, life was good and then yesterday and more so today depression has started to set in.  I miss him and want him here, etc.  Holiday loneliness.  I’ve got a couple tasks lined up for Black Friday one of which is taking Momma to the vet.  The other is cleaning out my closet in the basement.  I have a bunch of clothes that no longer fit me.  I have been hanging on to them with the hope that I will shrink but that isn’t going to happen so I think it’s time to donate them, plus it will be a tax deduction I can take, depending upon if I part with everything or just something's.  Then there is always the great American shredding party that I have, whereby I shred all of my old bills and statements from the past year.  I usually reserve that for Christmas or even New Years but depending upon my mood that might happen early this year. 

I got my proof copies in of my book.  I have 2 copies in the mail to You Tubers.  I am mailing another 1 to Canada, it would have been nice to send it off today but the kiosk at the post office was out of order.  So now I have to wait until Black Friday because the post office closes at 5pm and I don’t get off work until 5:30pm.  My hope is that on Wednesday I will be able to make it because it’s common for my present employer to let everyone go early before a holiday.  I don’t know if that will apply but I am hoping it does.  I am anxious to get feedback.  I found at least one cosmetic error, but I am leaving it.  It looks more like a magazine than a book but it’s what I asked for.  Ideally I wanted a small hardback cover but that requires special formatting and I just don’t want to mess with it.  I am pleased with my accomplishment, even if I can’t publically share it with the world. 

I need to get some filing done and clean up my messy desk, so that it’s ready for me to mess up again.  Looks like my regular shows will be on hiatus this week due to the holiday so I am sure that I will be scrambling for content.  I am eager to get to the Sausage Dressing on Thursday.  Sign me up for that some pasta and desert and I will be a very happy camper.  I invited 2 additional friends and am waiting to hear back from them, I suspect they will decline.  2 additional people would mix it up and bring some additional variety to the table.  I’m sure my friends that I do this with every year would be surprised.  My plan was to bring along a boyfriend but since I don’t have one that isn’t a worry.  Perhaps next year.  Maybe I am just too anxious and eager.

So that is my lazy weekend!  I hope that your all doing well and you have enjoyed your weekend.  I will talk with you peeps later. 

Reflections

Last night on the way home, I notice that my car was about to turn fifty thousand miles.  That caused me to think of all of the places I have been and things that I have done in and with my car.  From the first day I saw it on the car dealers lot it was love at first sight.  They were closed at the time and when I went back my late partner said you wanted this one, right.  Yup.  Then I saw it didn’t have fog lights and that was kind of a turn off, but once I drove it man it was sold.  The first car that I paid wholesale for, thanks to my late partner.  I can remember him driving it and being surprised that I gave him the keys to my baby.  He really liked it.  There are 3 things that I don’t like about it.  1 – no fog lights 2 – suspension feels a little cheap if you hit the rail road tracks just right 3 – not a lot of head room for a big guy like me.  Outside of that it’s great.  I had plans to part with it early but I am glad that I have kept it this long.  The fifty thousand mile mark hit as soon as I exited the interstate aka freeway.  Wow, I just can’t believe time passed so fast.  It’s still a cream puff of a car and I know any dealer would be proud to have it in their inventory.  It’s a 2010 and fifty thousand miles is very low for a car that old.  Keep in mind that it did sit for two years while i was unemployed, except for the occasional spin that I took it for.  I remember a tank of gas lasted a year.  Thus far nothing has gone wrong and I pray that it stays that way, even after I have just jinxed myself.

This morning I heard about bad traffic on my commute, so I high tailed it and got out of the house as fast as I could.  The cats didn’t know what to think I left so early.  I managed to get to work a half hour early and that hasn’t happened but twice I think since I have started here.  I don’t like being that early but it is nice to get psyched up for the anticipated day.  It hopefully will be a fast moving and quiet day.  Thus far I don’t have a lot going, it’s very quiet.  I like quiet and I suspect and hope that will be the theme for the next few days.  I believe Monday will probably be a busy day but then on Tuesday and Wednesday things will turn quiet.  People are ready to head out for the holiday  I was telling the cats this morning that next Friday I will be off, but up early because momma has her vet appointment.  It will be tough going back given what I went through last month but this is something that needs to be done and hopefully I can get momma some relief from all of her scratching, itching and chewing.  I say that every time we go over but thus far nothing has worked.  I think medicine in general is just a guessing game unless you see an actual root cause like an infection, tumor, mass, broken bone, etc.  Otherwise it’s all lets try this or oh I think that.  I will say medicine in general has made quite the advancements since I was a child.

Last night I went shopping.  I got a toothbrush that was like $40 but is suppose to last for 1,000 uses.  Nothing was wall mountable any longer.  So my hope is that I will be able to use the charger that I presently have.  I will find out come Tuesday evening.  I was going to buy a replacement shaver but with everything else in my cart that was clearly too much money to spend.  I decided instead to try to nurse the one I have back to health.  I ran the battery down until it wouldn’t work.  I put it back in the charger and saw the charge light come on.  When I picked it up and turned it on, it worked but at 1/2 speed.  I repeated the process and now it appears to be working full speed.  So I will continue to keep the process going and perhaps I will be able to keep this particular unit for another few months until I can afford to buy a replacement.  I just hate rechargeable batteries in items that are in items that are used sparingly.  Then again if you keep a laptop plugged in all the time when you eventually unplug it and want to use it for it’s portability you will most likely find that the battery is shot.  I guess the moral of the story is to discharge your batteries once and a while, that makes for longer and better use. 

I did go a little Amazon crazy.  Especially when I found that they sold Billy Jealousy Sake Bomb Lotion.  I got a small sample of that stuff and wow it is amazing.  I bought a 33oz bottle so it should be around the house for a while.  It will no doubt be useful now because of the dry skin I am getting.  Plus I will be able to put it on my back and people will think that I have cologne on so it’s like 2 things in 1.  Then I found they have a Billy Jealousy shave kit with something called hot towel, which sounds nice and shaved ice after shave.  I am so looking forward to trying this.  Then I got some other item that I needed, nothing exciting it’s all toiletry related stuff.  I spent of course more than I wanted to but at least had some discipline when it came to the razor.  I got a note this morning that my credit card statement is ready, so it won’t hit this months bill which I guess is an added plus.

Yesterday I was looking through the intranet and found that we actually get paid on Wednesday which will be really nice.  I will have my money early and can start to pay bills, like the 1st house payment.  Yeah, plus any day now that $300 refund should be coming I am so anxious for it to arrive.  I have checked the mailbox everyday this week with great anticipation but I don’t think it will show up until early next month.  As long a it shows that is fine by me.  I need to replenish my savings account and that will be a great help.  Thus far I haven’t received any other payment instructions so I suspect that my loan hasn’t been sold yet but probably will be shortly.  Until I am told otherwise I will pay as the contract says to pay.  Some places issue coupon books or monthly statements.  This place well I am not sure.  I am supposed to receive something by the 25th of the month to tell me for sure where to send my payment to, so there is a possibility of a change but I really don’t have much anticipation for that.  I mean the payment is due on the 1st and if you get it to me by the 25th that is plenty of time for me to make a change but anything later probably spells trouble.

So the day is still young but it’s moving in the right direction  TGIF.  Talk with you peeps later.

Yesterday & Today

Yesterday was the big day.  I sat through the rehearsal of the presentation and then sat through the actual presentation.  I could have left early but saw a lot of Management there and felt that it was better to stay put.  Plus if something would have went wrong I would have been there.  I did fall asleep for a minute but woke up and managed to stay awake.  They went over which wasn’t a surprise.  By the time I got to my car it was a little after my normal quitting time.  I wound up taking a different route home than I had wanted to but still it got me there.  I arrived around 6:45.  Perfect time for comedy Wednesday.  I made or should I say I heated up Tortellini Margherita by Bertolli.  It was really good, but I could have done two of them.  I splurged last night and ate a pint, yup whole pint of Cherry’s Garcia.  It was a great supper, I got some cuddle time in with Insty who is a pain in the ass.  Your holding her and she is crying because she wants even more attention.   There is only so much that I can give.  If she sees me paying attention to another cat she really spazzes out.  She loves to jump in the middle of her mother and sister when I am giving attention to either of them.  I call Ruthie for supper and Insty just looks at me and says hello I’m here.  I say yup I know but your not Ruthie.  Bonus yesterday I got an Undergear catalog in the mail.  Lots of good looking guys in there.  I also reached out to a couple of ‘impossibles’ on Grindr.  I call them impossible because I know they won’t be interested in me and thus far I am right.  Still feels good to send them a message, at least they know I exist.  My subscription expires today for Grindr.  I am interested to see if I can or will be able to sign on using the free app.  I couldn’t once I subscribed and that makes sense.  However, with an expired subscription well you’d think that it would let me in  Time will tell.

Today well it started off with a blunder I made yesterday.  I deleted someone’s computer out of the network and they couldn’t work today.  Oops wrong machine.  I spent at least 30 minutes trying to put that mess back together.  Finally success and all is well! I kind of feel like a chicken running at 100mph.  Go here do this, go there and do that, meanwhile stop by and see this person or wait for a call from another person.  Kind of like a who’s on first routine. 

Last year I alerted the auto workers union that my partner had passed away.  I asked them if there were any benefits that I was entitled to and never received a response.  I sent this letter because they had sent a fund raising letter to my late partner asking for money.  Apparently they do it a couple times  a year.  I saw that he was listed on their deceased member page on their website so I figured I wouldn’t hear any more from them.  Nope, they had the balls to send another letter and I could tell it was asking for money.  I sent it back to them marked Deceased Return To Sender.  Hopefully, now they get the picture.  I don’t understand why incompetence on that level exists.  It’s like going to McDonald’s handing the cashier a $20 bill for a $10 meal and them looking at you and saying help yourself to some change. 

Next Thursday at this time life will be way different  Relaxing and waiting for the right time to get dressed and put on my bow tie.  I am sure no one will expect it and that is kind of the point.  Plus I hope to be able to deliver a copy of my book, that is if the proofs come in.  While I think there is a good chance I am not 100% certain.  I am still waiting on a shipping confirmation e-mail and that will no doubt answer the question. 

Lucky is getting low on her Thyroid medicine plus she is still chewing on herself.  I wanted to take her to the vet over the weekend but they only have 2 docs that I don’t like working.  So I am waiting until next Friday and will take her then.  She will need blood work and more Thyroid medicine  The vet visit will probably be around $200 and the medicine $42.  The next one due after her is Marvin and he won’t be a happy guy I might double up and make a 2nd appointment for him but right now I am managing him okay with his old medicine. 

I went to shave last night and I normally use a blade but I decided to whip out my electric razor for speed and convenience sake.  The damn thing is dead.  I jump started it by plugging it in to AC, but it sits in a charging cradle all day long, so that it’s ready when I am.  Not this time.  It is around 4 years old so probably time to look at a replacement.  My Oral B toothbrush went out as well and it’s way older than 4 years.  Thankfully I have my late partners Sonicare but still I like the Oral B.  It is just not a good time right now to replace these items.  It’s not like I can’t get by w/o them because I have been.  However, when I want or need something, it’s very hard to tell myself no.  Part of that is no doubt due to my upbringing in that most but not all of the time I wanted something, I just uttered the word and poof it appeared. 

This afternoon I have a Video Conference to sit through and I have a very strong feeling that I am going to fall asleep.  When someone drones on about something that I am not interested in, my body naturally lulls its self to sleep.  It’s nice because you can skip all of the BS but if your caught well it can cause some issues.  Thus far I have been really lucky, hopefully no one will notice. 

It is business as normal for today.  I am so thankful that tomorrow is Friday, not sure yet if I am going to try to stop in for pet food on Friday night after work or if I will take my chances on Saturday.  I’d like to see the guy that I made a connection with, so that I can hopefully give him my number.  It would be nice even if I just made a friend, but I am honestly hoping for something more.  That is only something that time will be able to tell.

This year has really flown by and it’s been a very eventful year.  I think after almost 2 years I have managed to make the emotional rollercoaster ride from hell that I have been trapped on, slow down a bit.  There is more positive to look forward to.  Making the move with the house was just the first part.  I am so very thankful that I have a job that pays me a decent wage to make all of the many things I need in life possible.  I am eager to get out of credit card debt, but unsure how long it will take.  Unforeseen expenses don’t help, but I know they are apart of life.  Just when all is right with the world, out of left field something comes at you and chances are pretty good before you recover from the shock something else hits.  All just a part of the game of life. 

So for the upcoming weekend no real plans, just the usual stuff. I am looking forward to sleeping in and getting in a nap, both are nice for a weekend.  Then a 3 day week, traffic should be a breeze next week.  I know some people have already started Christmas shopping and stores here are open on Thanksgiving.  I think that is a crime, the world should have 1 day a year where we can pause and just be thankful and of course eat a nice big meal, see friends and family.  Everyone could use a day off.  Back in the day when I was growing up that is what it was all about, but as I got older things turned more commercialized and now it’s a race to see who can make the biggest sales.  Every year on Black Friday someone gets hurt or dies.  Every Thanksgiving someone burns down their house trying to Deep Fry a Turkey.  I say take a step back and be thankful.  I’ve found out about what matters and it’s a little late in life.  There of course is only one Christmas gift I want and no one can give it to me.  I want to be reunited with my guy.  Starting over is hard, much harder than I thought. 

I think that is wrap for Yesterday and Today.  Now back to work, so that I can eventually go home and see the children.  I look forward to seeing them as much if not more than they look forward to seeing me.  Stay warm and take care.  I will talk with you peeps later.

In my dreams

Ever since I worked so hard to get my book published I have been having some strange dreams.  I am reliving past experiences and they take a twist and something unexpected happens.  Most of these have turned into nightmares.  The brain does some strange things when it’s at rest, or is it ever at rest?

Last night I had 2 Italian Sausage Tortas’.  They are like pot pies but filled with cheese, sausage and marinara sauce.  They were good but very filling.  Last time I only had one and wanted another, this time I had 2 and should have stopped at 1.  I guess next time I will know to be better.  I worked on getting my health insurance paid, there was a small billing error on their part. I wish they wouldn’t have caught it, but it’s over and done now.  Then I approved my book for distribution.  I already know its going to be rejected because the last page isn’t blank and there is no copyright information contained on the inside.  Its still available for purchase through lulu and that is good enough for me.  If I can make it to other media outlets, well so be it. 

My plans for further promoting it are to send it to a couple of my favorite you tubers in hopes that they give it a mention on their site.  That will attract people if they in fact mention it.  The hardest part is waiting for the proof copies to arrive.  I actually wanted hard back but opted for paper back.  I know I am going to take many people by surprise.  Most people that know me would never expect me to write a book documenting my life.  Then there are other people like my mom and brother, well they won’t be too pleased I think when they read it.  I called it as it was and being honest doesn’t always go over well.  I am not sure if I will give them a copy or even make mention of it.

I actually have an itch to try to write another book but I don’t have a topic.  It is a fun project and you get to revisit some old memories, some of those memories are good and others well not so good.  I just wish there was something that I could do or say that would bring my late partner back.  I would love to see his reaction to all of this, I think he would be amazed and oddly surprised. 

Last night I took a few minutes to consume some water and relax.  While I was doing so, I checked in on all of the dating apps.  No more nibbles for me, at the moment.  That is kind of sad.  Part of me says go balls out and just hit up everyone you are attracted to.  The other part of me says let it be, eventually you will cross paths with your future Mr. Right.  I know that I can’t sit by and wait for him to knock on my door because that won’t ever happen.  I did find that I am not the only gay guy in my subdivision, thanks to Grindrs location feature.  I have no idea who the guys were that I saw on, but they were very close by. 

Tomorrow I have to leave early for a presentation.  In fact it’s right after lunch, there has been a change to the presentation and they want to do some testing ahead of schedule.  I am fine with that but now I have to bring our equipment and plan on staying for a couple hours.  I really don’t want to but I should still get out by 3:30 and that will be 3 hours extra to spend at home.  Wednesday is TV night so I think if all goes according to plan, it will coordinate very well.  I should get the relaxation and time away from work that I want. 

While I was at lunch I got an approval message for both the day after Christmas and the day after New Years.  Good to know that I will be off.  Bad thing is in about 3 weeks I will be on call again.  It’s only for a week but still it’s like for a week I am not my own person, my actions are governed by work.  I have no idea what the schedule will be like next year but I hope that I can go months before I have to do it again.

It’s been a busy day today.  There is another guy here at work who I am attracted to.  I kind of feel that he is interested in me or so I thought when I started.  He is married and has a child, that today means nothing.  I was talking with him and found myself constantly getting tongue tied and not being able to talk.  It’s funny how our emotions sometimes take advantage of us.  I haven’t made a move and have no plans.  Coworkers no matter how hot they are, in my book are off limits.  Making a move first of all would subject my sexuality to spread like wild fire and secondly even if it stayed a secret, eventually people talk and well relationships don’t always go as well as you want them to.  I know there are plenty of people who met at work and are still going strong today.  Me, well I don’t want to work with my boyfriend – I don’t mind if we are in the same field or work in the same industry but that is as close as I want to get.  It’s better and safer that way. 

Well enough personal stuff, I have to prepare to get back to work.  Lots to take care of this afternoon and before you know it I will be in the home stretch counting down the minutes.  I did write a letter to Lawn Boy asking for a refund, I wrote it this morning and printed it off.  Now I have to sign it and mail it out, then we shall see if he will be so accommodating as to give me a refund.  I mentioned nothing about the bushes, because it seems as if he isn’t interested in taking that on right now, even though he promised me he would.  Thus far we haven’t really had any major issues and I really don’t want one now.  I know he isn’t the only grass cutter and bush whacker in the area but I have formed a rapport with him and trust him, probably more than I should.

I told the children last night that they were all mention in my book.  I was brushing Marvin and out of all of the cats he actually hates to be brushed.  You can pet or scratch him and he will be your friend.  Break out the brush and he is ready to bolt.  Thankfully because of his large stature he is an easy target.  I brushed him and then gave him his medicine.  He slept with me for a bit last night and then asked me to let him out.  Before I left he was hiding under the couch, which I suspect means he doesn’t feel good.  I am sure I will go home and find that he threw up in my bed again.  That’s my boy predictable more so than the weather. 

All is going okay here, hope you can say the same in your neck of the woods.  I will talk with you peeps later.

The Real Life Odd Couple

In my last post I told you that I have been busy.  I didn’t mention what I was doing and well if you let your imagination run wild, who knows what you will think I was doing.  A couple weeks ago I rushed to get my book published, I ordered a proof copy and afterwards had some additional thoughts.  Plus I saw a few mistakes.  So I fixed all of that and spent this entire weekend pouring over the book.  I proofed it three times.  The first two on screen and the final from paper.  I am very pleased with it. 

Last night I submitted it for publishing and again have a proof copy on the way.  It’s actually a requirement that you order a proof.  The folks at Lulu made the entire process very simple.  The only thing I wasn’t planned for was how would the cover look?  I had given zero thought to that.  I found myself scrambling at the last minute to design a cover. 

Long story short, the book is done.  I have released it for purchase without even seeing my proof.  I am that confident that it says exactly what I wanted to say and it’s done to my standards.  I didn’t dream of making money from this, but that is a nice idea.  I believe the book is reasonably priced and it’s actually listed as #4 on the new book list this week at Lulu.com. 

I’d like to get my story out there for the world to read.  One thing that I had to admit and have wanted to keep from publishing here is that Jeremy Ryan is a pen name.  It’s not my actual name.  Plus in my blog I have given made up names for my cats.  The book releases their real first names.  I will put a translation chart below, in case your interested.  Everything else contained in this blog and in my book is 100% the truth and nothing but.  My real name isn’t something that I am quite ready to release to the world.  In the book I refer to my late partner as Oscar.  That of course is not his real name.  I hope that you enjoy the story and have some positive take away from it. 

Click the button below or on the side bar to purchase my book.  I am so excited that I am trying to think up other things to write about.  Perhaps this will be my sole publication and perhaps it will be the start to many publications.  Only time will tell.

For my regular reader and Canadian Friend Jude, I am more than happy to send you an autographed copy of one of the proofs, once I receive them.  You have been there for me for the longest time and I feel that this is the least I can do.  You will need to email me your address so that I can ship it to you.  Hopefully, it will arrive in plenty of time for Christmas. 

Okay, so that’s my BIG news.  Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

 

CAT NAME TRANSLATION CHART

 

BLOG NAME                  REAL LIFE NAME

Jumper                           Marvin

Big Boy                          Bear

TAZ                               LB (which stands for Little Bear)

Shy Girl                         Ruthie

Momma                         Lucky

BLU                               BLU

Other Girl/Little Girl         Insty

 

 

 

Long time no chat

Sorry for the delay in communications, I have been a busy guy and there just hasn’t been enough time in the day to make a post.  However, here I am now.

The kids …. they are all doing okay.  I trimmed Shy Girls nails yesterday and she isn’t due again until next year.  That should make her very happy.  Big Boy has continued to pee on the carpet, so much so that I don’t think there is any hope of removing the damage that was done.  I have gone at it with a steam cleaner, you put down fresh hot water and pull up cat pee.  Repeat the process and eventually you are tired, worn out and there appears to be no end in site.  I have retreated the area with urine remover but don’t think that it will do much good.  I’d like to put a diaper on him.  I have also managed to trim all of the other cats claws.  Momma was really upset.  She cries out each nail I trim and fights with me.  She is almost as bad as her daughter but I don’t have to use welding gloves for Momma, plus she is very easy to capture.

Saturday I was sitting in the hair cut place and my phone rang, it was the dentist.  They asked me if I would be interested in coming in today for a cleaning.  I said what time do you have, and then I was able to determine it would fit.  So I said yes.  I got my hair cut and my teeth cleaned all in one day.  Only good news from the dentist, all looks fine.  I am so thankful of that!  I visited the pet food store as well  The guy I had been chatting with was working, it took him forever to notice me.  I had my phone number written down and was planning on giving it to him but he never got in close proximity of me and I didn’t want to make a scene.  I am not sure if he is out at work.  Plus I was thinking maybe he really isn't all that interested after all.  I mean if he was you would have think he would have provided a way for me to reach him, besides heading over to the pet food store.  It’s a gamble as to when I will find him there because his schedule is always changing.  I still have my number written down and next week when I go in, I hope that he is working the register, if so i will happily pass him my number.  Otherwise it will be business as usual.

The dilemma that I face now is what to do with Grindr.  I mean there are some hot guys on there, I am getting hesitant to reach out because of al of the rejection I have encountered.  I don’t have to pay but by paying if someone becomes a pain the ass you can block them and you have unlimited blocking.  Plus you have additional search features you can use, to help narrow down the potential of finding mr. right or mr. right now.  I have other sites that are expiring and don’t plan on renewing them.  The app that I got my first date out of is one of them.  That guy hasn’t talked to me for a month and I think he finally has seen the light.  I did want to be friends but we don’t need to talk every day or even every week.  I saw that he signed on yesterday which I thought good for him, he is still looking.  You certainly won’t find someone if you just sit back and wait for them to appear in your life.  I wish it worked that way but it doesn’t.  You have to make it happen. 

Friday night I received a letter asking me to call in about my health insurance.  I logged into the on-line portal to see what was going on and there is a past due balance of $32  If my cost is nothing then how can I owe anything?  Turns out they didn’t properly bill me in July & September of 2013, so I need to pay them.  Actually they are just taking back part of the refund they issued me.  If I don’t pay by the 1st of the month, they will cancel my coverage.  That won’t be a problem, I will have them paid tonight when I get home. 

Yesterday was grocery shopping day and I really wanted Cinnamon rolls.  Mind you that I don’t need them, but I thought well stopping for breakfast I could order one.  Nope not on that restaurants menu any longer.  So I bought a package at the store.  I made them last night and they were in the oven a little too long.  Nothing is worse than a burnt Cinnamon roll.  I ate one and had plenty of milk, it wasn’t the best but it cured my desire.  I had another one this morning with breakfast.  I have 2 more to eat and then they will be all gone. 

I went out for Pizza on Saturday afternoon and had left over pizza all day yesterday.  Tonight I think will be a soup night.  It’s cold outside, we have had our first snow.  It was very minor. The driveway cleared it’s self, that is the kind of snow that I like.  Speaking of which Lawn Boy was supposed to show up last week.  I mailed his check and then came home only to find that he never stopped by.  There was no evidence at all that he had been there.  I can normally tell.  So I thought I would write and get a refund but it’s only $30 so I may use it as an ethical test to see if he will keep it, give me credit or just pocket it and say nothing.  Although rather than set myself up for disappointment, I may just ask for the money back.  

No word from my family at all, it’s been quiet.  Last night at 8:30 the phone rang and I thought for sure it would most likely be my mom, but it wasn’t.  It was a toll free call, so I went back to what I was doing and let voice mail take the call.  They hung up.  I guess it wasn’t that important after all.  Besides that I can’t fathom what business would have called me at such an odd late hour on a Sunday night. 

The extra time that I used last week in coming to work twice, well instead of getting time off, my boss is paying me for it.  I marked it down on my time card today because she asked me to.  I didn’t really want that, it would be better for me to have time away.  Well, money in the bank is a much better solution.  I know my creditors will like that.  I am already saving for the 1st house payment that I will have to make on the 1st of December.  Still no word if the loan was sold or not and of course no refund of money yet.  Perhaps that will happen this week.  By law they have 30 days to send me any refund that is due.

I am happy that I got all of the lease computers swapped out.  Now I have the chore of sending back all of the old equipment and packing that is turning out to be quite the challenge but I will get it done.  The sooner it leaves the better off I will be.  It has to be at our headquarters by Friday.  The asset gut doesn’t think I will be able to pull it off, but I don’t see anything standing in my way.  I’d like to get it out today but I still have 1 laptop left to wipe.  2 of the swaps went well with little incident.  The other 2 well there were some problems.  At least the 2nd lady is nicer than the 1st lady was. 

I almost didn’t make it in, I was up too late, had a Charlie Horse about an hour before it was time to get up and then the alarm went off  I so didn’t want to go and didn’t think that I would make it but here I am and were on the downhill slide, in that it’s closer to 530p than it was when I walked in the door this morning.  Ah, putting a Monday behind me, that sounds rather good.  This is the last full week before Thanksgiving and I am so looking forward to it.  As for now it’s back to work.  I hope all is well in your world and that its warmer where you are than where I am at.  Talk with you peeps again soon!

Grindr No More

So I received a message back from the Pet Food Store Guy.  He told me that he is deleting Grindr because it’s just a bunch of Horny Alcoholics'.  He says that he goes through this every 3 months or so and once he reconfirms his reasons he deletes the app.  He said the he will see me at the store.  Yeah, but how are we gonna connect to have a bite to eat?  I guess maybe we will exchange numbers, I dunno  That was a little crushing because I’ve been living to chat with him, it’s been something nice and that I looked forward to doing.  Well, I suppose that is over with.  Kind of glad I didn’t rush into renew my subscription, so in a small way he did me a favor by telling me up front and I am thankful for that.

The afternoon is rapidly winding down.  I am looking forward to see what came in the mail, mail a check and letter to Lawn Boy telling him that lawn season is done.  He had to anticipate that since our temps just took a rapid drop and will be at or below freezing for the next few days.  That will kill the grass among other things.  Welcome to Winter, even though it’s still fall.  I am having a bowl of canned chili, putting in some crackers, cheese and some sour cream.  Then it is TV night … Modern Family, The Middle, and some other show that I can’t think of the name of right now.  Time to sit with the kids and let them beg me for attention. 

2 more days, then were done – back to the weekend.  I have to get a watch battery, a hairs cut, shop for cat food and the rest of the usual weekend stuff.  This brings us a week closer to Thanksgiving.  Next week I have an off site event that I have to go to in order to provide Audio Visual support.  Really they don’t need me, the people at the facility run everything but they want me there just in case.  I suspect that I will be able to leave early and call it a day, which will be nice.  Time off or time away from this place is a very good thing, despite the fact that I am really happy here. 

Ah, just feel a little empty now.  Back to work and soon back to traffic.  Have a pleasant evening! 

Yesterday & Today

Yesterday was a very unique day.  I arrived at work and there was a mass exodus in the parking garage.  I rolled down my window and asked the folks going home, what was up.  They said the buildng is closed, no water.  There was a water main break.  I got to a safe place in the garage and checked my phone.  Just because someone else said the building is closed, doesn’t mean my employer is closed.  I looked on my phone and sure enough, we were closed.  So I came home.  I figured wow, I got the day off.  Not so fast!

I did squeeze in a nap and I put my phone on DND.  Lucky for me I woke up minutes after my boss sent me an email and said please call me.  I called and she asked me to come in, the server room was overheating.  Who knew that Commercial AC ran on water?  Not me.  In any case I drove over at 90mph because I didn’t know what I was getting into an knowing that if equipment overheats it could either 1 break or 2 shutdown because it’s too hot.  I made it in plenty of time and got some fans going.  The temp wasn’t the killer it was the humidity.  So 3 fans and the door propped open did the trick.  I used 3 hours of my time and my boss is going to tell me later on today what to do with those 3 hours.  Yesterday she said something about me leaving early.  Matters not to me, money or time off – either way it’s a WIN!  I got such accolades yesterday and a lot of the higher ups were copied in.  I was just doing my job, but the praise is helpful.  I was sitting in the lobby telling a friend on the phone that this place really does take care of it’s people.  Unless something goes horribly wrong I really don’t see leaving this place, despite the fact that I hate dealing with the traffic.  It’s an inconvenience but well worth it. 

All is back to normal today.  The best part about yesterday was that I got in on Taco Tuesday at a bar that is close to my house.  Me and my late partner would go there specifically for that.  I was wearing what was his leather coat yesterday and I sat at ‘our table’.  It kind of felt like he was there in spirit.  I don’t get to stop in there very often, the last time I was at the start of the year when I had my car fixed.  So it’s been a while.  Food was so good and it was very cheap, with the exception of soda.  They charge $2 for a glass.  Comes with refills but $2 … that is a little high, I think.

Today as I said we are back to business as usual.  I got here early thinking I would have cleanup to take care of.  I was right but the door to the server room was closed, so at least someone was looking out for me.  They also took down my sign.  I got a phone call from a co-worker in another office.  He asked me if I had room for another body I said sure.  When are you coming to visit  He said oh I am not coming to visit, I am coming to stay.  Looks like it will be around Christmas.  We have the same boss but work on different teams, he is actually someone I got to know when I was in training.  We have a decent relationship, I just wish he didn’t smoke so much  Who knows maybe he quit, I mean people do change. 

So I am all discombobulated today in trying to put my desk back in order, we had a cleaning company come in to clean everyones desk.  The events of yesterday, I wasn’t properly scheduled for today but slowly it’s coming together.  So is the day for that matter, it’s going to be over with in the blink of an eye.  Still there is plenty to do here. 

Things at home are good.  I have been doing the Grindr thing and the pet food store guy appears to either be losing interest or tied up with other people.  We are messaging less and less, that freaks me out in that maybe we won’t make a go of things.  I know he isn’t the only ‘fish’ in the sea but I am all about finding someone and starting over.  I guess perhaps I am too desperate.  His whole stay focused on school thing has me concerned as well, I mean all I litterally want to do is share a meal or get a drink, that’s it.  It’s not like I am looking to go have sex, I just want to talk and interact.  We may click and we may not.  I will tell you buying cat food won’t ever be the same after this experience.  Plus I checked and my Grindr subscrption expires next week.  I really don’t wan to renew for another 3 months but I suppose I will, just because of him.  However, all of the other subscriptions well they are just going to drop, the day that happens will probably be the day that the next love of my life comes along to message me and I won’t be around to get the message.  I mean that is kind of how my luck works. 

Well I got interuppted at lunch and now am finishing this, then I have to go work on a PC for someone, she has been waiting days.  It seems to be one thing after another.  I am so thankful that this person is patient but I know I can only take that so far before she gets upset.  At least she is aware I am working on it, so that helps. 

Off I go because, I owe, I owe, I owe.  Did you know that they give an award for the best dentist?  Yeah it’s a little plaque.  I liked it, hope you did too.  :)  Be good to each other and I will talk with you peeps later.

Scared away

I checked Grindr from work off and on all day today.  I just logged on and then my work phone rang.  He was on-line but I had to tend to work.  Well he hasn’t messaged me since I asked about getting a bite to eat.  Maybe he thinks I have an ulterior motive but that is not the case.  I messaged one more time and said I hope I didn’t freak you out.  That is as much as I am going to do.

The rest will be up to him.  I kind of fell for him already but I have only an emotional investment at this point and while it will suck, I can get over it.  Been there, done that and got the shirt.  I did get a message from someone who is a year older than me, works very close by … he just said hi.  I know I know him from some place but can’t put my finger on it. I didn’t answer him back because he is looking for fwb, which means friends with benefits.  So he wants to be friends and have sex, but no commitment.  Yeah, I am not all about sleeping around.  I am sure that if I was I could probably reel them in a lot quicker.  What I am looking for is a very rare and thus it’s going to take a while, probably longer than I want to wait.

Well now to top off my day by adding some weight to my hips, Ben & Jerry’s here I come.  Talk more soon. 

Crazy Monday

So I am obsessed with Grindr and doing the chat thing with the guy from the pet food store. He is still chatting with me knowing my age, that is a shocker.  This morning he asked why I was single at my age.  I told him, I’m sure inside he feels embarrassed for asking, but I told him not to worry about it, he didn’t know and it was a fair question.  At this point I am wondering if this is going to work out or if he will just run away like everyone else has so far  I mean the age thing between us really isn’t a big deal, 6 years.

He is way opposite from me in that he has a college degree, he works out, is in shape and loves meat & potatoes.  He is into politics and activism.  In the way that my late partner and I were opposite, but we attracted each other and eventually melded into one.  I made the bold move a few minutes ago and asked him if he wanted to grab a bite to eat sometime or get a drink.  I’m very interested in his response, and perhaps I am moving way too fast.  However, I think if we cut out the back and forth of chatting and meet in person we can get to know each other faster and then I think we will have a better idea if this is going to click.  If nothing else perhaps he could be a really good friend. 

A lot of my subscriptions to these on-line dating sites are expiring and I have no plans for renewal, because they haven’t done much for me.  Grindr I suppose being the exception to the list because I have unlimited blocking ability and there are some strange people out there.

Work today is like a whirlwind, I have been pulled in many different directions and now I am savoring in the few minutes that I have to myself.  I have to go setup for a meeting in a few minutes.  I am going to be late, because these things are always delayed and they never start the testing on time.  Besides that it’s my lunch time and I am tired. 

I did manage to find myself with a bit of extra energy this morning and songs from my phone just played like they were the best ever.  Maybe it’s because of the pet food store guy maybe its just because today is the last nice day we are going to have for a while.  Cold tomorrow and snow by the end of the week, winter!

The kids are all doing okay.  Taz threw up on the table cloth so I had to wash it.  The table looks funny bear with just a couple items on it.  Taz and the others love to sleep up there and I will no doubt in days have litter pellets to show me proof that they have in fact been up there.  I don’t know why but Taz loves to lay on wood or wood like surfaces.  He lays by the front door which is a small wooden entry way, he lays on the coffee table and well it’s some form of wood.  He is so cute.  Momma is chewing on herself, need to get her to the vet.  That will cost me another small fortune, because they need to run blood work to check on her thyroid.  Jumper needs to go because he is long overdue for a check up.  I am sure they will want to take blood from him but I am no certain that I will allow it.  He has IBD and well you give him medicine and everything is okay, you withhold medicine and he pukes his guts out, pretty simple. 

Well I suppose I should publish this and get moving, even if it’s still lunch time.  There is more than plenty to do here and that is a good thing in that it makes the day move by really fast.  Talk with you peeps later.

Sunday

I was able to sleep in today and even spent some time in my late partners bed.  It was nice and it’s been a while since I have been in that bed.  I got on Grindr the first thing out of bed and poof a message from the pet food store guy.  We talked back and forth for a bit.  Then I went to breakfast and the grocery store, got gas and hit the pharmacy – then home at last!  I’ve been here ever since and while I wanted to go out for Mexican food tonight, instead I stayed home.  I got a nap with the kids, opened the window and felt the cool breeze.  It was just an all around awesome day.  I could use another day like today.

So got back on Grindr and he asked the dreaded question….how old are you.  I answered that plus several other questions.  He hasn’t been on-line yet to pick up my response.  He’s 36 so not too far behind me.  I hope that my age doesn’t scare him off.  Not that we have exactly had sparks yet.  However, things are on good terms.  When I find a guy that I can converse with it makes being on the app so worth it.  Plus I tend to obsess and am constantly looking for a message.  I really want to hear from him and see what else he has to say.  I pray that this is ‘the one’ but only time will be able to tell me that. 

I am finishing up laundry.  Going to get me a nice shower and shave.  Then to prepare for tomorrow and pass out treats for the kids.  I hope to be able to relax with some TV or a movie.  I watched Robin Williams 2009 performance on Netflix, damn he sure was a funny guy.  It made me realize once again, wow we lost a great person.

I am bored at the moment, feeling the emptiness of the house and how quiet it is.  I moved the scattering urn my late partner is in to the living room so he can be with Blu.  I took the large main urn and moved it to my TV.  It sure is a heavy piece, but it doesn’t look like it.  Cleaned up my dresser a bit, cleaned my jewelry.  I wear my and my late partners wedding rings and a cross on a necklace.  I alternate necklaces between yellow and white gold.  I also make sure that our rings are covered by my shirt, I don’t want to open myself up to questions at work.  I take a break on the weekend and let the jewelry rest.

Next Saturday is payday, time to give more money away.  Speaking of which another weekend and no lawn boy.  He said he would be by in 2 to 3 weeks to trim my bushes.  I think that he forgot about me, if so well there is extra money I can hold on to.  The outside of the house looks like crap, but winter is coming and honestly as long as it’s taken care of by next spring I should be okay.  There is plenty of improvements, cleaning, etc. to do.  A lot of it is on the inside.  There are things that I just can’t or don’t want to part with and most of the cleaning process well it’s something I don’t want to deal with but eventually I know I will have to.  It just sucks!

Okay well the dryer is on it’s count down, so I am going to run.  Tomorrow will be a busy day, as I am sure this entire week will be.  I would like a week of lunch uninterrupted but that is asking for a lot.  Especially because I know we have a department meeting this week and of course it will be on Thursday when the massage lady is in.  I could have really used her services this weekend.  My neck and shoulders are all messed up.

Here’s to a pleasant and fast moving week.  After this one more full week and then it’s Turkey time.  If I said I was counting the days, would that surprise you?