Day 2 – Splitting of the pants

I got to bed last night a little later than I wanted.  Gator’s stomach was empty and she woke me up a few times to fill it.  I knew there was no way in the world that I would be up at 7a to carry out my ideal plans for the day.  When I did get up and get out it was about 10:30a.  I drove by the DMV and saw people standing outside, it was starting to sprinkle and it was already hot out.  I made a large circle and wound up coming back home.

Back in front of ye old TV and eventually back in bed for a nap.  When I got up it was after 12:30p.  I grabbed a quick bite and passed out lunch to Gator.  I opted to go back out and check out the DMV again, this time the line was longer and I figured probably better to try my plan tomorrow morning.  However, I had a great idea.  I drove to a local park pulled out my phone and searched for another DMV in the area.  Found one that was about 45 minutes away.

I got to the other place, it wasn’t in a great neighborhood but there was no line.  I walked to the door and there was a sign that said to stand outside and someone would be with me.  I was baking in the sun but figured I would give it a couple minutes.  Someone came out and invited me in I sat and waited a short time.  I started the process, they had to take 2 photos but it didn’t look 1/2 bad for a DMV photo.  We started going through paperwork.  I had a funny idea that I should bring a backup document but didn’t.  Sure enough one of the documents I brought didn’t show my physical address.  I was told that if I was able to come back with additional documentation they would take me ahead of any line that might form.  Hell I just wanted to get this over. 

I drove back home, grabbed 2 additional documents (1 for safety) and then drove back.  I was let in much quicker.  I had to wait a couple minutes.  There was a man who was getting his photo taken.  He dropped a document and then went in a circle to try to figure out what happened to it.  I had already bent down to grab it and when I got up there was this loud rip.  My pants tore open in the crotch in the front.  I knew they ripped but didn’t know where.  I didn’t bother to look until I was back in the car.  No one said a word to me.  I guess it was a good thing I wasn’t free balling.  Once again proving that no good deed goes unpunished.  I got helped, they took my money never tested my vision and they skipped all of the usual BS questions like are you taking medication, is your license being held by a court, has your license been revoked.  I paid my money and was told my new license would arrive by mail in about 2 weeks.  I kind of amazed myself and was glad that I drove the extra distance, I got better service and didn’t have to wait long.  The only thing that I am upset about is that my full name has to appear on my license, I can’t just use my middle initial, I asked to have that changed but was told it had to be the same as it was on my birth certificate.  

It was around 3:30p when I was on my way home and went to check out a new BBQ place.  I just wanted to see where it was.  I would have stopped if my pants wouldn’t have been ripped open.  I came home with the intention of changing pants and then going back out but the little heat exposure that I had zapped me.  I opted to stay home with Ms. Gator. 

We watch the Vacation Friends movie on Hulu in between me dosing off.  Ate some supper and now we just started watching NYPD Blue.

Today felt way more productive and I am happy that I was able to knock the task of renewing my license off the list of things to do.  Now I need to grab breakfast out and plan to hit up that BBQ place tomorrow evening.  Not sure what else I will accomplish tomorrow but hopefully things will continue to be productive. I still have to make my Sam’s Club run so probably will knock that off the list tomorrow and I for sure need to fuel up the vehicle.  

I hope that you had a great day and are safe.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Day 1 - Let Freedom Ring

The Gator wasn’t terribly willing to let me sleep much last night.  I did wind up kicking her out of the bedroom early this morning.  That coupled with a low desire to accomplish much caused me to pass away the morning.  I did get something to eat and took my meds.  We watched a podcast and I fell asleep then the vet called to confirm our appointment for tomorrow which I was previously told was cancelled.  Not happy but I did manage to get back to sleep.

Once I woke up I opted to get moving, got showered and dressed.  First stop Target.  They had cat litter in jugs in stock this time.  I was frazzled in the store and couldn’t for the life of me figure out the Target app, so like an old person I asked the cashier for help.  I got the few reward dollars that I had accumulated off of my bill.  Then on to the grocery store as it started to sprinkle I sprinted inside and took my time.  I kept thinking I don’t need much.  Somehow I managed to rack up a $77 bill.  Then on to home as the rain began to fall. 

I got inside and began to unpack and put things away.  The thunder and rain just started pouring.  I wanted to rush back out and grab a bite to eat but opted to stay at home since it was pouring.  I gave away money (paid the bills) and found some new porn as well as worked on my computer. 

Gator started chirping after I was down here for a couple hours.  She normally greets me when I come home but she slept right through all of that commotion and I think the storm helped keep her asleep.  I went upstairs and thought I would hit up a local place for a burger, then I heard on the scanner that the place I wanted to go to though their roof was going to collapse so I figured that’s out of the question.  I stayed home and ate part of a sandwich that I got and downed a couple of Krispy Kreme.  Played on my phone and continued listening to the scanner.  Then played a couple rounds of video games and then it was time to come back to the basement. 

Grabbed the vacuum cleaner and got the basement taken care of.  Then I prepped for my drivers license renewal adventure that I am supposed to go on tomorrow.  Not really looking forward to this.  I looked on-line to see what documents were needed and the only thing that I can even think they will kick up a fuss about is that on every document but my birth certificate my middle name is just an initial, my birth certificate on the other hand has my middle name spelled out.  I sure hope that doesn’t cause a problem but I have read some horror stories on line and really want to avoid that.  This is all because I want a REAL ID so that when all of this pandemic non sense clears up I can jump on a plane.  The cost isn’t different than renewing my license normally so why not just do it now rather than putting it off.  I did get kind of nervous about a road test but I learned that unless your in your 70’s or have had some traffic infractions that a driving test would be required.  I am home free there.  My other hope is that I don’t get some Grumpy Gus who is pissed because he has to work for a living.  I’m used to a nice experience and I figure hopefully by showing up early I can zip in and zip out.  I could easily spend my day there and it wouldn’t make a difference in the world but that is just not my idea of fun. 

I got a note from my doctor.  He is not surprised that my employer wants to involve the government but he said we will get through this and it wasn’t a problem.  That along with my findings (see yesterdays post) make me think that this will all work out okay.  It’s just going through the process, facing the deadlines and being the guy stuck in the middle between my employer and my physician. 

I did check my email at work and see a few things already falling apart but I am just letting them fall apart.  I’m not doing a damn thing about it.  I do have a document from HR that they want me to electronically sign but I didn’t dare open that message because it probably has an auto read receipt on it, I will wait until I get back.  I did delete some junk to help cut down on the overall number of messages that I get and have to churn through when I get back.  No phone calls from anyone and it was a peaceful day. 

It’s nice to know that I can turn my phone off now and no one can reach me or I can chose to ignore if it if rings.  No email, text or phone call is uber important.  I am keeping myself available but mainly for personal business. 

I need to hit up Sam’s Club to stock up on soda as well as a couple other things and yes Pastry is one of those items.  I’m totally pulling out all of the stops this week and eating however I feel and to hell with the consequences.  Just one week then it’s back to normal.  I had planned on circling back if I would have went out for that burger.  Seems that during the week the place is not crowded. 

I do have a strong desire to take a trip just to drive and get away from the area but have no real place to go.  I do look forward to getting out with my friends but that will be towards the end of the week and well vacation will be almost gone by then.  Not looking forward to going back at all and this is only day 1.  Imagine how I will feel when we get to day 7 or 8. 

I hope that your safe and you or someone you know wasn’t impacted by the hurricane.  Stay safe, be well and I will talk with you all again soon.  Now off to see what other mischief I can get into before I have to get to bed. 

Hours from Freedom

When the clock turns over to 7a I will be on vacation.  The weekend has been a nice start to what is to come.  I spent plenty of time with Ms. Gator giving her attention, napping with her, feeding her and medicating her.  She has started to rebel against the medication but we have managed to get through it.  I do still hate to shove a pill down her throat, she doesn’t understand and although I tell her I don’t know that she gets it.  She does however understand the words food, lunch and eat.  She is still drinking plenty of water but primarily only from the fountain.  I’m glad that I had the foresight to bring it back but at the same time I will hate to clean it.  Plus I will need to buy more filters, they aren’t terribly expensive. 

I took some time to do research yesterday from my phone, never powered up a computer or go near one.  That was a Gator requirement!  Anyway I found an article that is spot on regarding remote working or telework for those who have Diabetes.  This for sure falls under the ADA and it’s a requirement of employers to accommodate the needs of workers with Diabetes because they are at increased risk, this is per a ruling  from the EEOC.  It’s a huge health issue.  I also found a note from the American Diabetes Association to employers that explains the same thing.  I also found a word template that my doctor can use that may help us when he has to fill out the paperwork.  I’ve got everything downloaded and saved.  I also found that they really don’t need a doctors note or contact with my physician but it helps to move the process along.  The doctor needs to certify that I have diabetes, according to what I read that is all that is needed under the law.  

This afternoon I wrote a memo to the twat that is handling this in HR letting them know that this has to be accommodated under the law and passed on the relevant information I mentioned above.  I got a response back that the paperwork will be sent on Monday.  I think it’s an easy request but the accommodation process set forth in the law makes it overly complicated.  I can’t imagine people don’t lose their minds while they run through the hurdles and I think that is by design they want you to give up or quit before you get to the end. 

In other news, it seems my lawn guy doesn’t know how to use a calendar.  We did get some storms on Friday and I figured that he would be by on Saturday after things had a chance to dry out but that hasn’t been the case.  I’ll also bet that when he sends a bill it will be for more work than he actually did.  Thank goodness I am keeping track.  I always have and always will regardless of who is doing the work.  You have to keep things honest and be able to call people out when they try to fuck you over.  My best guess says that this Friday is when he will show up.  If not then that is when I am going to call him.  The place looks like a forest.  There is actually a house fairly close to me that their yard looks far worse but we use different people to service our lawns.  I am keeping an eye out for the folks who tend to a neighbors yard, they do good work and seem quite dependable.  I’m going to hit them up if I manage to catch them when they cut her lawn.  I might not be able to switch this year but for sure next year I should be able to.  I hate this whole find a lawn guy process.  If I had the room I’d buy a mower and just suffer through it, at least I would be more in control. 

I treated myself today and went out for lupper which is a made up meal of Lunch and Supper.  I hit up a Mexican place.  There was some cute guys from Texas there that I got to look at for a bit until I got seated.  That by far was the highlight of the dining experience.  My food took forever [an hour] to get to me, I was at the point of leaving when it finally showed up. 

I got my haircut yesterday and while the web said that it would be $25 when I checked out I found out the price had changed to $30.  I think that is a bit much.  The lady tried to upsell me on a scalp massage but I declined.  I can massage my own scalp.  I at least look presentable presuming that I am successful at renewing my drivers license this week.  I also got it cut because I will be seeing my friends on my birthday and well why not.  I could have easily shaved my head but I’m actually kind of tired of it.  Presuming I work from home for the rest of the year I will probably turn into my own barber because it’s quicker and cheaper but you do get what you pay for and when I do it, everything looks okay but the back.  That’s when I start chopping off way too much trying to fix one mistake while making another. 

Tomorrow I plan to eat breakfast out and then hit up the grocery store.  Not exactly sure what else I will do with my day.  I plan to try for my drivers license renewal on Tuesday.  I’m watching the weather to see when I might attempt the painting task of the garage trim.  I do suspect I will get lots of sleeping done.  I just hope I don’t waste my time but it will be very nice not to have to be concerned with work. 

I went pen shopping on-line and was quick to fill up the cart but then looked at the prices and just couldn’t justify it.  There was two pens that I really wanted then I stumbled on this royal blue rollerball and had to wipe the drool from my face.  It was by far the least expensive but I just put a stop to it.  It will be circling around in my head but for now it’s a no go.  Speaking of which I took back the video game that I ordered that turned out to be something different than was advertised.  I got the one I wanted and have been playing with it a little bit.  Gator isn’t too keen on it.  It’s nice to have some form of an escape. 

Well guess I should get my meds, start the dishes and see what the Gator is up to.  She hollered for me a few minutes ago.  I was wondering how long I could be down here.  She has been quite tolerant and given me several hours alone.  Perhaps now that things are settling with her I will be permitted more time in the basement. 

Hope you had a nice weekend and that all is well in your world.  Talk with you peeps again soon!

Your Life or Your Job ?

Before I get into the nitty gritty here, just wanted to let you all know that Gator is doing okay still.  I almost forgot to give her a dose of medicine last night but thankfully I remembered even though it was a bit later than normal. 

Now on with the show.  I submitted the letter my doctor gave me and it’s pretty clear that it is dangerous for me to return to the office given COVID.  However, there has to be a reason that is protected under the ADA (Americans with Disability Act) that necessitates an accommodation.  COVID or being in high risk groups that make it more likely for one to get COVID is NOT protected under the ADA.  Diabetes is protected under the ADA. 

Where are we now?  I’m waiting for paperwork to take to my doctor and if he is “creative” or can use language that necessitates the accommodation for me to work from home, then I am okay.  If not then I may need to make a choice My Job or My Life. 

I had a chat with my boss after my call with HR and told him about it.  He’s just as upset as I am.  He doesn’t understand what the problem is.  It’s pretty cut and dry in his mind like it is in my mind.  Plus take into consideration that the organization mandated we all work from home to keep us safe & healthy during COVID.  Well, COVID hasn’t stopped and probably won’t for a while. He said that he would fight for me if this falls through the cracks and I get denied.  Right now we just have to wait for the process to complete and that can be 1 to 2 months and there will be plenty of back and forth dialog.  I kind of feel like I need an attorney to speak for me when I am talking with HR, because it feels more like an interrogation than an open dialog.  Do I want to change jobs?  Not really.  I work with all of the Executives as well as HR and deal with some complex and confidential stuff.  You’d think as much as I have done for them they could just gimme this one tiny ask that I have. 

I’ve reached out to my doctor to let him know what is coming down the pike and hopefully he will use the right words that compel them to grant my request.  I hate being stuck in the middle but unfortunately that is where I am at.  Not a fun place or a fun game to play. 

Here I thought that everything was coming up roses, well that was until today.  I also told HR that I am out next week, you’d think that would motivate them to get me the paperwork now but nope they are dragging their feet.  I suppose it will arrive while I am out.  Of course there is a deadline that will be on all of this and I would rather have time on my side than time working against me.  My doctor has other patients besides me and getting his time especially right now is proving to be difficult but that is only because of the pandemic.

Fingers crossed for now.  More to come as this unfolds. 

More good news

Last night I finally got a note from my doctor that says that I should stay working at home until the spread of the virus is at a minimal level.  That probably goes way beyond saying I will be here for the rest of the year, that could easily mean yet another year at home but it’s a wait & see situation.  This morning I reached out to my HR department and of course they have a process for this.  I’ve started the process but don’t yet have confirmation they are going to accommodate my request.  Hopefully, they will get their act together and we can push this through so I know before I go out for a week of vacation.  I did tell them that I was off next week so I can only hope they will move faster rather than at average speed. 

My Ms. Pac Man game arrived yesterday but unfortunately what was advertised on the web and what I got were two different things.  The one game that I was looking for besides Ms. Pac Man was not there.  Instead there were 3 other games I have never heard of.  While I am playing with the machine for a day or two I have already started the return process.  I found something that should have the other game but to compromise I have to have regular Pac Mac instead of Ms. Pac Man.  My late grandmother fell in love with Ms. Pac Man and ever since I learned that I preferred it over Pac Man but hey it’s essentially the same game but some different graphics.  The new machine should be here the day before my birthday so once again I a package to watch for and look forward to opening. 

Gator is still progressing right along but still waking me up at night.  She is finishing cans of food either in one sitting or takes multiple trips until she needs a new can.  This in and of it’s self is positive progress.  All systems are functioning normally and she is both eating & drinking.  I just hope this remains the case for the foreseeable future. 

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Need to get back to the fun that is work.  Hope all is well in your world.  Thanks for stopping by, your positive energy, prayers and thoughts.  Cheers!

Cautiously Optimistic

Her majesty had me up from 2a-4a.  She took in some additional baby food and the rest of the time was trying to get us both back to sleep.  Things would get quiet and I would start to settle and you know that is when she had to meow.  I watched some TV for a short period of time and then was able to get back to sleep.  She woke me at 5a and I removed her from the bedroom. 

This morning she ate a can of food and then retreated to my room and started screaming.  This was one of those foods that she really enjoys and I think the screaming is excitement from taking in a good meal.  That is the point when my optimism increased and I don’t want to sound overly confident to jinx things but I think she is back. 

She finally baptized herself in the water fountain this morning.  Overnight she wouldn’t drink for anything.  After some reading I learned that the second dose of Prednisone is when improvement can start to happen. That cemented it for me and I was able to get her pill into her with minimal trouble.  First time ever giving her medicine and she wasn’t terribly happy about it but it was over & done with quickly.  I can only hope for the same results going forward.  I know that she will eventually get wise to what I am up to and when this may turn into a difficult task.  Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen.

I’m back at work.  I was only out for 5 hours and that was plenty of time for chaos to rear it’s head and the pervertible bombs dropped.  I was logged in last night at 7p cleaning up the mess that was made.  If this is what happens with me out for 5 hours, imagine what it will be like when I am gone for a full 40 hours and not checking email in between to catch the bombs that drop.  Come next Monday everything work related grinds to an abrupt halt until the day after Labor Day for me.I fully expect to return to a complete nightmare but my focus isn’t on that right now and is more on getting away. 

Still no word back from the doctor.  I am ready to start my 2nd plan and ask my boss if he would grant me an exception.  He may or more likely I expect to be referred to HR.  They may also give into me but most likely I expect them to require a doctors note.  I am a little nervous about all of this and kind of half way expect to be told that regardless of my personal feelings, fears, etc. that I have to go back.  I don’t expect a lot of compassion and understanding absent a doctors note.  That piece of paper will be gold if I can just acquire it I do believe I am home free for the time being.  Plus staying home would permit me to better tend to Ms. Gator.  Stress is not good for her condition.

Let’s hope that good news keeps flowing for me.  Still have those fingers crossed.  Cheers!

Cognitive Changes

I was able to get some real rest but was still woke up a couple times during the night.  I fully expected a different cat this morning, one that was acting more like herself.  What I woke up to was a cat who had drastic changes in behavior.  She stares into space, walk to the water bowl and cries like she wants to drink but can’t remember how.  She eats but only a small portion of food.  Instead of being very vocal now she doesn’t speak nearly as much as she used to. 

To say that it’s heart breaking to watch is quite the understatement.  It’s like she has severe dementia now and has been forever changed but in a bad way. 

I brought back her drinking fountain and that has helped her, she is in fact drinking now.  Still eating very little.  A small part of me is wondering if perhaps this isn’t IBD and is in fact cancer.  However, she did just get a shot of a steroid and a has some mild anesthesia.  My thought process is to see how today plays out.  I most likely will not start her on prednisone tonight just to see if her behavior changes.  If so then perhaps we start on Tuesday night with her first pill.  This is a waiting game and patient is not something I have a lot of, especially considering what we went through yesterday.  I think that being there for so long was traumatic for her and that along with the medicine has made for this radical change in mental status. 

While I am hoping for the best, I still can’t help but think of that bad feeling I got that I am going to lose her over this.  If she continues to behave in the same manner I will have to give stronger consideration to ending her life.  I of course would rely on advice from my vet before I made a decision like that.  It’s not something you want to rush into because once it’s done there is no changing your mind. 

Since there has been some change since early this morning, I am hoping that the drugs continue to wear off and my little girl will immerge back to her normal self.  If tomorrow there hasn’t been enough progress I will be back in contact with the vet. 

I wound up taking 5 hours of time off because I just didn’t think I could make it through the morning and I was really wiped out.  A co-worker is covering on call for me today.  Plus my schedule really didn’t have anything on it so this was the best day if I had to take a day.  I have since had an hour long nap and the pain I had in my lower back has subsided.  I hope that we are on the recovery path and things will improve with just a bit more time, fingers crossed. 

What I am trying to avoid here is not only her dying but doing it so close to my birthday or even shortly after.  I don’t want my birthday associated with the death of my last cat or anyone that I am close to.  While I have little control over it, I think it’s about the greatest gift I can get right now. 

Speaking of my dreaded day of the anniversary of my birth, on Friday I opted to do a little mail order shopping.  No I didn’t mail order a man.  I did however get a few things that have been on my wish list for a bit.  I have a Ms. Pac Man machine arriving this week that also plays the retro game Galaga.  I got a hose reel to help tidy up the host that is in the garage to make things look a bit neater.  For whenever I have to go back to work I got a mouse to match the one I have at home so I can have the same  experience I have at home.  Razer makes a professional keyboard that is made similar to the gaming keyboard I have  at home, it’s actually the keyboard I wanted in the first place but no one has it in stock so it’s not like I can put my hands on it to say yes I like it or no I don’t.  I have it coming with a wrist wrest and am hoping that I like it.  It too is for work for whenever I wind up going back.  I didn’t want to buy any of this because I felt it would negatively impact the outcome of Gator and I do feel a bit guilty for going through with it but I know that it matters not what I buy or don’t buy Gator situation has to play out on it’s own.  The choices I make for myself as to what to buy or not won’t have any impact but somewhere in my mind I feel as if I am wrong.  I also wanted to get a couple pens, not as if I need them I have enough writing instruments to last a life time but it’s something I am into.  I opted not to buy them as the money I have spent on myself thus far is not a small amount.  It won’t bankrupt me and I can and do plan on paying cash for all of it but seeing a lot of money leaving my account isn’t something I am a huge fan of.  I need to keep a reserve for whatever rainy days may be in my future.  I don’t hope or plan for any but those situations do have a way of arising with little to no warning. 

Here’s hoping that I have better news to report on Gator when I make my next post.  Right now she is resting and I am hoping that she passes out for a nap.  She didn’t want to cuddle last night and I missed that so much, hoping that behavior comes back as I look forward to time with her and being close to her. 

Fingers crossed.  Cheers for now. 

Physically & Emotionally Spent

I made it to the grocery store around 2p and had just started my shopping adventure when my phone rang and it was the vets office.  They wanted to see us today and I was over the moon about that.  We agreed on a time and went in.  I went for answers and I left with answers and most importantly a cat that is still alive. 

I opted for the more expensive route on blood work and had it ran in house instead of sending it out.  I figured for sure that the blood work would tell the story.  Nope, everything is reasonable given her age.  Kidney disease has progressed a little bit but nothing to be concerned with.  Damn!

Next steps were to rule out cancer in the intestines, get a more definitive blood test for the thyroid and also look at what her stool says.  The ultra sound was mega expensive and I was able to have it done today.  I felt pretty certain that I was going to get bad news. We started with the ultra sound and were able to forego the additional lab work for now. 

She has IBD (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) or possibly Lymphoma.  The vet right now believes it’s IBD only because her lymph nodes were not massively swollen and that is something that is normally found with Lymphoma and is not present with Gator. 

IBD is treated with Prednisone, which is a steroid.  It will help shrink the inflammation in her bowels and will afford her body to absorb nutrition instead of just passing everything straight through.  The problem is that it will aggravate her kidneys and make her kidney disease worse.  So were fixing one problem but upsetting another one.  The hope is that she is better in 2 weeks. 

She got a steroid shot to help jump start the process, which was my idea.  She got fluids because she was dehydrated and she got some mild anesthetic to permit the vet to do the ultrasound.  The had to shave her abdomen and she looks horrible but there was no other way.   

Our appointment was at 3:30p and we didn’t get home until 7:30p.  The vet is less than one mile from my home.  It was freezing cold and both Gator & I were quite uncomfortable.  I also got hit with a very large bill but I knew that digging into this was going to be expensive, I just didn’t plan to spend as much as I did.  The upside to that is I have 6 months to pay it off at 0% interest.  I’ve got the money to pay cash but with an offer like that why part with the cash now, just pay a little bit each month until it’s close to the end and then pay it off so that I am not charged retroactive interest. 

I’m looking forward to getting to bed and hopefully finally being able to relax as I have been running on adrenaline all day.  I will still be woken up in the middle of the night for a while but the hope is that her appetite will decrease and that will mean less interruptions for me. 

Here’s hoping that it will be a good week ahead, I am on-call.  Right now I just want to collapse as I am spent both physically & emotionally.  For now I have some answers and I am not dealing with the unknown which was by far the worst part of this whole ordeal.  Were not out of the woods but if the vets diagnosis is spot on we are on the road to recovery and that is the road I want to be on!

Talk with you all again soon.  Cheers for now. 

Something went BANG in the middle of the night

The hits just keep coming here.  Gator’s appetite picked up a little bit more as we got into the evening hours.  She had some litter box activity so I know that things are flowing.  She woke me up twice and the last time was at 3a.  I gave her a packet of food and then went back to bed.  She came to get me to let me know that she needed more, I climbed out of bed and opened another packet.  She was so eager to dig in as soon as I had it plated she started meowing I barley had time to get it to the floor. 

This all got my mind working and thinking more about her issues.  I opted to call the vet, yes at 3a.  They run 24/7.  I talked with someone who has been helpful in the past.  It was about a 30 minute conversation.  Even if I switch doctors the soonest appointment they had for me was on the 31st.  I was told to call Monday morning between 7a-7:20a as that is usually when they do some juggling with cancellations.  They may get an opening that permits us to see the vet sooner, I have some hope but not a lot.  The nice lady was also going to send some information on to the doctors to see if anyone had any tips for me that would help tide me until the 31st. 

Last evening I opted to phone my friends that have a Diabetic cat to see what signs/symptoms they noticed before they got the diagnosis.  Their cat has a mildly increased appetite and if it’s not eating, it’s drinking water.  Outside of that it’s otherwise normal.  Their cat is older and since they have a plethora of them they opted not to treat the condition and will part ways with the cat when things get worse.  The treatment was insulin injections twice a day, every day for the rest of it’s life.  You can’t forget about a dose ever, it has to be at the same time each and every day.  That coupled with the cost, plus the fact the cat would probably hate them and be hiding when it was medicine time just made it not be worth the hassle. 

Animals, regardless of what you have are a great thing and can provide so much comfort, entertainment and joy but when they get sick and their life starts winding down it’s one hell of a rollercoaster ride.  Having to make choices about their care and get medicine for them.  It up ends your whole world and some how you manage to pull it together. 

Now for the fun part.  We were laying in bed after she finished her early breakfast and I was about to dose off when I heard a loud bang.  It wasn’t something that could be ignored.  I got out of bed and went to check on things.  Finding nothing I returned to bed.  However, it still bugged me after a bit and I got out of bed and the answer to what happened was staring me right in the face.  The door on the little fridge (used for chilling soda) was wide open.  Soda and frozen soda was everywhere.  1 can in the 12 pack burst because it was too cold.  The temperature was turned down but apparently not enough.  I had no idea that it was freezing things.  I turned it off and unplugged it.  Then the fun of cleaning up the mess.  By now the sun has risen and it’s a little after 6a. 

Since the fun that catapulted me awake I am unable to return to sleep.  I tried and laid in bed but my body is just too awake, I think it’s adrenalin between Gator and the mess I just feel like I can’t stop moving.  Like I needed this but I am trying to make the best of it. 

Final words in closing, the emergency vet visit has gone from $130 to $212 and that is the cost of walking in the door, the exam is included with that but not much else.  I know for sure they will tack on lab work and that would put us over $300 so if she is driving me absolutely crazy then I will take that avenue otherwise I just have to wait this out.  This is pure torture for me, I don’t think Gator is suffering but I can tell you that I sure am. 

Still have to get to the store, finish laundry, clean the house and deal with my stupid work report.  So much for Sunday being a day of rest.  Perhaps next Sunday will be better.  Cheers!

The feeling of death

Gator is still eating like crazy.  She likes the gravy and has figured out that she can down one serving and then ask for another.  While she has calmed down with waking me up in the middle of the night it’s only mildly so.  This morning I was up at 5, 6 and 8 … really didn’t want to get out of bed and on two of those wake up calls just as I made it back to bed and got settled she came in asking for more food.  I would love to tell her no but then I think if you were in her shoes would you want to hear the word no. 

This is the first time I have had a cat who’s appetite just increased out of the blue.  Normally I am used to them stopping to eat and that isn’t always an easy fix.  You start slow and work your way back but if they are truly on the way out they won’t really want much to do with food and/or water.  In this case all she does is eat primarily consuming the juice or gravy and leaving the rest of the food behind.  She drinks but it’s very little.  My mind is racing wondering how she is truly feeling, if she is disguising or masking any feelings.  She does a lot of sleeping but that is normal for an older cat, she maybe has 1 to 2 hours if that she is awake the rest of the time it’s lights out. 

I found myself in the cat food store picking up more gravy packets of food.  I bought two boxes since she mows through them quickly.  Were still on the first box I got on Thursday but it’s winding down and I am guessing that it will be all gone by tomorrow afternoon or Monday at the latest. 

Regardless of what I do I still have this sinking feeling that I am going to loose her and that it’s going to be soon.  By soon I mean weeks to months.  While I was in the cat food store the thought occurred to me that I might not be having to purchase cat food that much longer.  It was tough to keep it together but I managed. 

I am very eager to get her into the vet and get this show on the road.  Things will either get better or not.  I still have times when I am tempted to just give up and call it quits but that would be throwing the baby out with the bath water and this could be a minor problem.  In my heart I don’t believe that it’s minor but if I hear that from a vet then I will calm down a bit until then I am very much on edge and will continue to worry about her.  I wonder if the waiting for the vet appointment is going to make things worse, I kind of think so but I know I always have the emergency visit as an option if I really want to speed things up. 

Her disposition is pretty well normal, except for the wanting food.  She is still grooming herself and still seeks me out both of which are good signs.The more I look at her and review past photos I see some evidence of weight loss.  I am the one who can stand to loose several pounds, she on the other hand was only slightly overweight for the old lady that she is.   

I just can’t imagine my life without her let alone a pet, this place will feel even more empty when she is no longer here.  It’s just gut wrenching agony for me and perhaps I am reading too much into it.  However, with all of my other cats I got this same feeling and I knew that death was very much in the future but I tried to deny it. 

I keep going back to the fact that she has made it 17 years, never taken any medicine, only been to the vet once she she had her alteration surgery and she is by far the cat that has been the most economical to own.  I really want out of this situation and do hope that someone or something smiles on us and we get a break so that we can have more time together.  It’s like I am waiting to exhale and it’s just overwhelming and exhausting.  I want the fairy tale ending that she lived happily ever after but looking at it realistically I know that ending might not come to pass. 

It’s all gravy

I made it to the pet food store yesterday evening.  I picked up normal food for her majesty and also picked up the gravy packets that had worked well in the past for the other cats.  She absolutely loves the gravy packets.  It’s a smaller portion of food and while she doesn’t clean the plate there is a whole lot less waste.  Last night I gave her one before bed and she practically inhaled it and looked at me as if to say “MORE”, I gave her another one and she did the same thing and was ready for bed. 

There was about an hour period of time where she spent alone on the couch napping, which is unusual but she did check in with me before I turned out the lights and we slept together as normal. 

As for sleep I got more last night but she still woke me a couple times for food.  We got in a brushing & combing session which she has a love/hate relationship with.  I am giving her a little bit of extra attention and I think she knows that I am well aware something is wrong & we are working on it.  Albeit slowly due to the vets schedule. 

If there is another night where she makes it impossible to sleep that is when I will pull out the stops and make the emergency visit, it will cost a hell of a lot more but if it will speed up the answer process and that is what will make it worth while. 

Not exactly sure how I made it through yesterday with no nap or dozing off of any kind.  I think it was pure adrenaline for a good portion of the morning and just staying busy in the afternoon.

Were back to business as usual at the moment but I am keeping a watchful eye on her.  Happy weekend!

The Gator

Ms. Instigator’s problems have gone from bad to worse.  I maybe have 3 hours sleep, she had me up most of the night asking for food.  Just as I would fall asleep she would wake me.  I eventually had to kick her out to get in the last hour of sleep and that was not sound sleep.  She acted interested and ate a little bit but then turned her nose up at the food and either walked away or promptly asked for new food. 

I’ve had a very bad feeling since last weekend about her and that I am going to lose her, this kind of cements that in a bit more. 

We are at the point where this is no longer fair to either her or me.  I honestly want to give up but I can’t because that isn’t in me and it wouldn’t be fair to her.  I’ve made a vet appointment but they can’t get me in for a couple weeks.  If things get worse they said to call back and they would move her appointment up. 

I will have to make another trip to the cat food store, I believe today or for sure tomorrow.  She doesn’t have enough food to make it to Saturday unless her appetite slows down.

I am not a betting man but right now my money is on a Thyroid problem.  There are a few things that it could be … Thyroid, Diabetes, Worms (don’t know how she would have gotten them), Pregnancy (that would be the true immaculate conception), Psychological as in learned behavior this could also be due to the loss of her mom and brother in a short period of time or finally Cancer, which would be in her intestines.  However, cancer usually presents with rapid weight loss and a decline in appetite. 

When your around someone or something daily you don’t notice subtle weight loss or weight gain but the rapid stuff if it in a very short period of time will be obvious.  I did a look back through photos and see that it does appear she has lost some weight.

Right now it’s a lot of speculation and I won’t have actual answers until the vet sees her and blood work results are back.  There absolutely has to be something metabolic going on with her unless this is psychological, which I highly doubt but then again she does know how to play me. 

I know she is 17 and that is old or geriatric for a cat.  My hope is to squeeze a couple more years out of her but right now I don’t know if I will get my wish.  No matter when she goes it won’t be a good time even if that time is another 17 years from now.  This is the last emotional rollercoaster ride I plan to take for a very long time.  I will see this through but after this if I can muster the will to go on after she is gone, I don’t see myself getting another pet.

While I want answers I don’t know that I can handle what I think I am about to be told unless it’s something simple like her Thyroid.  If there is any evidence that she is suffering in any way (other than being hungry) I will let her go because I don’t want her to experience long term suffering it’s just not fair to her. 

The best Birthday present I can get is a simple issue diagnosis and more time with her.  Obviously, I am hoping for the best but I am painfully aware of how this can play out.  It’s the not knowing and then the waiting for the other shoe to drop that gets me.  Emotionally, mentally and physically draining on me.  I’m really glad right now for being able to work form home, there is no way in hell that I can imagine going into the office with so little sleep.  I’ve done it before but it’s not fun, then again adulting doesn’t seem that fun. 

I may or may not be regular with my posting and hope that you will understand if I am absent for either a short or long period of time, it all depends on what is going on and how I feel.  I just wanted to blurt all of this out before I manage to climb upstairs and continue my work day.  It will surprise me greatly if I manage to make it through the day without a nap.   

Looking for answers, a miracle and rest/sanity. 

Good Afternoon

I hope all is well. Between my depression and being tired (from the cat waking me up several times), I opted to take yesterday off. I woke up to feed the cat and just knew that this was going to be one of those days that I was going to loaf. That is exactly what I did yesterday. I finished up Suits which didn’t take very long. Then it was a scramble for content. Watched old game shows on You Tube that was interesting and passed the time. Steve Harvey’s reaction videos that are edited together on YouTube from Family Feud are also a great way to pass time and be entertained, at least for me.

I am a bit concerned about the cat. She was sleeping and I was just looking at her. I saw something of concern on the lower portion of her mouth. When she woke up, I investigated and saw that on both sides of her mouth her gums are black around the same teeth on both sides of her mouth. It’s been slowly developing and of course with some googling I found that it is normal in older cats, it’s gum disease. Given the entire health history of the feline family I have been through I have no doubt learned a lot about cats. Her sister had oral cancer (which led to an early death) and it is possible this could be cancer but only a vet can say for sure. Right now, she shows no signs of cancer or that she is dying. Those signs being loss of appetite, decrease thirst, lethargic and hiding. While I immediately jumped to a cancer diagnosis with research and time, I was able to calm down a bit. Look she is 17 years old so for all intents and purposes she is dying but then again aren’t we all? I am slowly trying to prepare myself that she is going to leave me, probably when I least expect it and when I can least emotionally afford it, there just won’t be a good time for that to happen. This is what triggered my depression into over drive, I had all kind of thoughts swimming around in my head. She still very much has quality of life and seeks me out for attention and food. The food thing is a little bit of concern but I would rather have her eating than not. When ever the day comes that she is no longer with me is when I will likely loose it and fall completely apart, she is the last link to the life that I once had.

On the COVID front, numbers (rate of infections) in my area are increasing. There is starting to be an ambulance shortage which is scary. Work is still forging forward to get everyone back in the office for what I am sure will turn into a recipe for disaster. I just sent my request off to the doctor this morning, asking for a letter that will permit me to continue working from home until there is better control on the spread of COVID. My doctor might surprise me and say go back but only time will tell.

My new glasses arrived on Saturday and I am adjusting to wearing them. I like them better but the frame slips a little bit. I’ve tried my hand at adjusting them but thus far not much luck. I bought some plastic bumpers (for lack of better wording) for my last pair; they slip on to the arms of the glasses. I just put them on this new pair a short while ago and hope that will help. From today’s mail snap shot I got looks like the check from my vision insurance provider is waiting for me. I wish they would update their website so I could see how much money I will get before I open the envelope.

Not terribly much going on today but playing catch up this morning did help pass the time rather fast. Lunch time was here before I knew it. The rest of the week looks a bit hectic. Meetings, Training and you know the stuff that work is made of.

I’ve got 2 weeks before vacation and am kind of looking forward to it. I just hope that I am as productive as I hope to be. Talk with you all again soon.

Friday Eve

Last night I passed out while watching TV and I bit my tongue. I woke up and just turned the TV & lights off and climbed into bed. I had an evening full of strange dreams and interrupted sleep.

I recently purchased one of those electronic tennis rackets that are bug zappers. It was larger than I expected but I still thought for the amount of money that I paid that it wouldn’t do much damage. Last night I got my first flying bug and it packs some wallop. The bug splits into pieces. So glad that I didn’t opt to try it out with my finger! Like everything that is cordless and modern it recharges via US

My email delivered some good news last night, my new glasses are on the way and unless the post office drops the ball, I should have them by early next week. I already filed my insurance claim and am waiting for them to tell me what I am entitled to for reimbursement. The worst part of all of this is the waiting, which is something we all spent way too much time doing.

I have been obsessing over my note that I am going to send to my doctor and have worked and re-worked it several times. It says what I need it to say and points out a couple of reminders like my risk factors and that I work in a multi-tenant building and will be in a mixed environment of vaccinated and unvaccinated people. I plan to send it next week, which if he writes a letter saying I can work from home and sends it to me electronically will be enough time for me to get it to my employer. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. I know that I may very well have to go back but there is no harm done in asking to continuing to work from home. If my doctor disagrees with me I may still approach my HR department or my Manager and ask. However, I have a better chance of it being a reality if my doctor agrees with me and puts that into writing.

Not sure about your neck of the woods but it is really hot here. We have had some severe thunderstorms; they just seem to pop up. The forecast doesn’t call for rain but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to rain.

Last night I had Pepperoni Mac & Cheese, a very good meal. Tonight, I will be having store bought heat n eat Spaghetti. It’s Friday eve and it’s been a quiet day. I hope that continues into the evening. Nothing particularly planned for the weekend outside of my usual hum drum trips to acquire food for the gator and I.

I guess I should make my last trash round up and get it all out to the curb. Then I have 1 person leaving today that I will need to take care of and unless something crops up my work day is done. Here’s hoping you had a great day and that life is going well for you. Talk again soon.

Bored

We made it to the middle of the week again.  I had a productive morning knocking out some tasks at work.  I went to get in a nap at lunch time and every time I would fall into a slumber the phone would alert me of a new email.  It was aggravating that eventually I just got up.  The afternoon lingered for a bit but I found a task to occupy some time and it will also occupy some of my time tomorrow but it won’t be fun.  Then again I think that is why they call it work.  There are a few major project that are going to happen in the next couple weeks and there is plenty that I am sure will happen the week I am on vacation.  The only bad thing about vacation is that you have to come back.  In any event it sounds like I will be quite busy in the coming weeks.

Yesterday, I stumbled across an old porn star that I guess never caught my eye back in the day when he was popular.  His name is Duncan Black.  The scene I am referring to was with Christian Wilde.  I’ve got the scene downloaded and started viewing it but her majesty needed my attention and I just gave up and focused on her.  Why?  Porn will always be here, she will not.  I know, way to ruin a mood. 

The Gram (aka Instagram) learns what you like and when you go look at a photo grid of various things, you will mostly find things that they know appeal to you.  I do that on occasion.  Last night there was this guy wearing a leather harness and that just started me down a rabbit hole of looking for gay leather.  The harness I think is hot and sexy.  Beyond that the rest of it really doesn’t have an appeal to me.  I spent at least a good hour doing nothing but scrolling on various pages, didn’t see much that I liked but a couple more images stood out to me.  Gator hates my phone, all of the cats did.  I think they were jealous and I understand. 

TV really isn’t appealing much to me but I did catch a new show this afternoon (it was on a few days ago on CNBC) about Major Heists.  It’s going to be a regular weekly series.  I saw all about the largest bank heist in history.  It was interesting to see. 

When I am bored I surf for porn, watch tv, watch a game streamer on Twitch, eat, sleep, look on social media.  Of course I don’t do all of these things at once that would be quite an act.  I pick one or two of them and that’s it until I get bored with that.  Sleep is usually what brings me to the ultimate end and that will pass the most time plus it’s good for me.  I just can’t sleep too much or I will have issues at night time. 

I am watching the headlines as it pertains to COVID and how it’s spreading.  Quite rapidly the numbers are rising.  You’ve got people that love and hate mask mandates and fight over them.  There is still plenty of controversy around vaccination.  School is starting and even in my area kids are going back to the classroom, but everyone has to wear a mask.  I’m glad I am not a parent or a student, I think kids are at a greater risk because they spend so much time together in close quarters both in the classroom as well as in school.  I feel bad for those that are too young to get the vaccination if they wanted to.  It’s just a huge mess that seems like it will never end.  I know that with time all things pass but sadly, this problem will all be around for quite sometime.  I think we will have heavy times (like now) when masks will be mandated and it will lessen until the next spike and then the masks will go right back on.  Suddenly it kind of makes sense to me why my local Steak N Shake never opened their dining room as all of the other businesses were opening.  Maybe they saw this coming, maybe it was just good luck.  In any case it seems to have worked to their advantage. 

I came back downstairs to grab the laundry and I figured might as well sit in front of the computer for a little bit.  This is the most comfortable place outside of my bedroom.  I hate sitting on the old couch with Gator but her demand turns into my command.  Funny how that works.  She is still eating me out of house and home, there seems to be no end in sight to quell her appetite.  I need a gravy fountain that would somehow change flavors randomly to keep her interest.  I think if that existed and she could just mosey up to it and start eating it would permit me a bit more sanity and certainly a night on uninterrupted sleep. 

I’m going to grab the laundry, head up and put it away.  Then time for a shower.  I am back on-call for a day tomorrow covering for a colleague.  Then more TV until I eventually pass out for the night. 

Hope you had an outstanding Wednesday and that life is treating you well.  Stay safe, stay cool and be kind to each other.  Talk with you all again soon!

Usual Business

My employer is really sticking to this mandatory return to the office plan, despite the fact that infection rates are worse now than they were last summer.  In my area hospital beds are in high demand once again.  Yet today we received more information about our planned return.  The major tenant that occupies our building has pushed back their mandatory return to mid October and I think chances are pretty good they will extend it even further. 

I get that everyone wants to go back to normal and it’s healthy to get back into your normal routines, if only for a couple days out of the week.  However, you can’t put your blinders on and think that alone will cause this problem to disappear.  It didn’t work last year and it won’t work today. 

Despite that we are being told how safe our office environment is and what extra measures are in place to help comfort everyone that we are doing everything possible (short of letting everyone continue to work from home full time) to make it okay to come back. 

In case you can’t tell already I am not on board with this plan and I have already drafted a note to my doctor.  I am waiting a little bit before I send it but based on the numbers (science) what I see says that things are only getting worse.  If some how magically this all clears up by the day they want us to return then I will go back.  Of course if my doctor doesn’t side with me then I will be forced to go back because I do need to keep my job.  Based on our last in person conversation I think I will have his full support.  Only time will tell for certain. 

Outside of work, life is hum drum normal and boring.  Just waiting on the lawn guy to show up to mow the yard which looks horrible.  We have been getting nothing but rain and that of course will further the lawn growth.  Gator still has her ferocious appetite and is bugging me as I type for food. 

Off to feed her and then back to the fun that is work.  Hope your having a great Tuesday.  Talk with you again soon.

Progress Sunday

I slept in a little bit but I still had to get up at 6:30a and feed her majesty.  I did a quick check of my phone & nothing going on in the world of note.  Had a Cinnamon Muffin and then the last Chocolate Muffin for breakfast, washed those down with a tall glass of milk.  Then to park in front of the TV until I got sleepy and then back to bed. 

I woke up and my feet hit the floor around 11a.  I had a nightmare about missing my late spouse.  You’d think those would stop after 8 years of him being gone but absence does make the heart grow fonder.  Consumed part of a soda and sat on the couch with Gator as I did a more in depth review of my phone.  Thankfully all is calm. 

Got dressed and hit up the grocery store and Target.  How’s that for changing it up on a Sunday?  I was really surprised that Target was very low on Cat litter.  They only had large buckets to purchase rather than the individual jugs.  I guess there must have been an unannounced sale or cat liter is the next thing that is going to be on the in demand list.  The cat food store had plenty of it but they charge way too much.  What I paid at Target for a large bucket would have barley got me 1 jug at the pet food store.  Picked up some of my favorite casserole and I’m having that for supper.  I also saw some Devour Nacho Fries so I had to have those as well.  There was something I wanted but forgot, I knew it when I got home but now that it’s been a few hours I have no idea what it was. 

Did my house cleaning and sat for a while with Gator on the couch.  I came down to work on my silly report for work and throw in some laundry.  I managed to balance my bank accounts, pay more bills and submit an insurance claim for my glasses.  A productive day I would say. 

The thought of eating out tonight sounds tempting but I’m going to stay home and spend time with the little lady.  Watch some TV and eventually prepare for tomorrow and call it a day.  It’s hot out and nice and freezing in my basement.  Upstairs is comfortable but if I was really super hot, the basement is where it’s at.  A balmy 68 degrees right now. 

That’s all I know at the moment.  Hope that you are enjoying your Sunday and have had an enjoyable weekend.  Back to the fun tomorrow.  3 more weeks until vacation but who’s counting?  Right, I am!

Take care & we will talk again soon. 

Sleepy Saturday

It took me a while but I got my sleep in.  Gator had me up a couple times and I did eventually close the door.  I rolled out of bed at 8a and got her fed.  I looked to see what was brewing in the world on my phone, nothing obviously major so I had a Chocolate Muffin and a glass of Milk for breakfast.  Then returned to my room to do a more in depth review of my phone, checking on social media, photo history (I do a look back to see the photos taken today in years past.  I always wind up with cat photos plus there are a few other surprises along the way) on Amazon.  Finally powered on the TV and watched some YouTube videos.  I think I might have watched some more Suits but honestly don’t fully remember.  I was tired and returned to bed.  Gator was too eager to join me, motor running on full blast all cuddled up to me.  It was no wonder that I was out in minutes.  When I woke up I of course didn’t really want to get up but Gator had other plans. 

Passed out a snack for her.  I went back to my room and now I know I watched some Suits episodes.  Then we went to the living room for a bit because Gator had to sit on the couch and demanded that I be next to her. 

Finally time for some lunch for her.  I didn’t have anything and returned to my room to watch a podcast.  Then got caught up in watching What’s My Line via YouTube.  That was a great game show and way before my time.  Life seemed simpler to me back in those days, they didn’t have the technology we have today so they didn’t have near the concerns that we have today. 

I got up and had a couple hot dogs.  Then back to the TV.  I thought about it for a while and decided at that point I was staying home for the day.  I could do everything I needed to tomorrow.  I wouldn’t get to every store that I wanted to visit but as long as the minimum was done, that’s what mattered. 

Finally after dosing off a couple times and seeing that it was after 5p, I opted to get in gear.  Grabbed a shower, then got dressed and headed out.  Picked up my mail and then went out for a bite to eat.  Opted for Chinese Food from our 2nd favorite place (the 1st place went out of business years ago).  When I walked in it smelled like the sewer was backing up but once in the dining room everything was fine.  It’s a small place so you can hear table conversations regardless if you want to or not.  There was a group of 4 people sitting together and they each started talking about their battle with COVID.  I really wanted to run out of the place but had already placed my order.  There was a surcharge of 10% due to COVID and shortages.  Nothing tasted nearly as good as it used to.  The egg rolls used to be quite large and filled with beef, now they are much smaller and it’s all cabbage.  The fried rice wasn’t what it used to be either.  The bill wasn’t that bad even with the upcharge.  I had decent service but after eating a little bit of food I opted to exit and call it a day. 

Stopped in at home to pass out some supper for Gator and to put my left overs in the fridge.  Not sure if I will actually eat them but they are there if I want to.  Then back out to the cat food store.  I had a $5 off if you spend $25 so I went a little hog wild.  I wound up with a bill of $40 which was knocked down to $35 and some change with tax.  Gator has plenty of food let’s just hope she likes what I bought.  Then over to Sam’s.  Got some Soda, Cinnamon Muffins and a box of Trash Bags.  Then back home for the evening. 

Sat with Gator on the couch and she started to dose off.  I told her that I had work to do in the basement and that I would be up in a bit.  We both knew that I mean a few hours as opposed to minutes.  She has already cried out for me after an hour went by.  I am sure she is sleeping in my room just waiting for me to come up because she wants more food. 

My lawn guy didn’t show up this week despite it being a mowing week.  I got a bill from him for last month and it’s suddenly $10 higher than any previous month.  I called him out on that and told him I would send the amount we originally agreed upon.  I just made a statement and figure that if it’s something other than a mistake he will speak up. 

I finally sent my Warby Parker home try on package back today.  It’s a little over the 5 day limit but I also placed an order tonight for some computer glasses.  Looking forward to getting them.  I have been meaning to schedule my 2nd eye exam but sadly time got away from me and the limited offer that was extended has expired.  I’m not going to ask for an extension.  Since so much time has passed and I have had time to think about it, I am not terribly concerned.  I will visit a different provider going forward.  I do think that my last eye doc was profit driven in that he would invent issues and then sell you products that he just so happened to carry in his office.  Also to say you had something and needed some additional testing done.  Look I know I am getting old and that my eyes are not what they were when I was 20 years old but at the same time I am not blind and have a pretty good bullshit detector (oddly enough you develop your BS detector with age unlike your eyes it actually improves).  If the issues that he stated were true and I am wrong, then another eye doc should easily be able to find them. 

While I did waste away a good portion of my day it was nice that I had the choice.  Doing nothing and not being interrupted feels great.  However, none of the tasks I want to accomplish get done so the list keeps growing.  During my week of vacation I do plan on finally getting the trim around the garage painted.  I could probably let it go another Winter season but would rather not take my chances.  If you remember I asked my lawn guy about it since he is a painter for his main income.  He expressed an interest but hasn’t said anything about it and there has been more than enough time for him to speak up.  I’ve already got the paint and the brushes, even bought a scraper.  Oddly enough I found nothing but paint brushes that I didn’t know I had but I can’t find any of the scrapers I know for sure that I own.  If I really feel like working I can clean the gutters again and put in the lining that I bought to keep out the leaves.  I don’t know that I will feel that motivated but we shall see.  The painting is the main thing that I want to accomplish.  I also want to celebrate my birthday with my thanksgiving friends.  I am going to suggest that we change our plans for this Turkey Day based on the new uptick in COVID #’s to see if they will be open to doing what we did last year and have it at their house.  The table is large enough, we wouldn’t be rushed and they can invite their neighbors because there will be plenty of food and while that will cut down on the amount of left overs, it’s all okay by me.  Rather safe than sorry.  They are both older, so I am looking out for not only myself but them as well.

Gator is chirping again so I am headed up to get yelled at and while I am passing out her food I can load the dishwasher to take another task off my list.  Then get ready for bed and watch more TV until I finally fall asleep.  Then we will see what tomorrow brings.  Hope you had a great Saturday!

Sleepless

The Gator woke me around 3a for food.  I took care of her and just couldn’t go back to sleep.  I did try and cuddled with Gator for a bit but then my mind started racing and I got to thinking about going back to work, then something else and that’s when I knew I had to get up.  I turned on the TV and Gator turned her back so the TV wasn’t in her eyes.  Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean she can’t sleep.  I finished watching an episode of Suits and then watched another full episode.  I gave it about an hour and then tried to go back to sleep. 

As I climbed into bed my balance was off a bit and I almost fell but thanks to my cat like reflexes I was able to counter and regain my balance.  As I lay all cuddle up next to Gator this wave of sadness washed over me and I started jabbering to Gator.  I easily talked to her for 30 minutes.  Then I tried to go to sleep and just as I drifted off, guess who got hungry and woke me up? 

By now it’s 5a and I just escorted her out of the bedroom.  I tried to go back to sleep and once again just as I drifted off the trash trucks were making their rounds.  I just tossed and turned for the next hour. 

Took in some breakfast and contemplated calling it a day before the day had really begun.  I was wiped out.  As much as I wanted to I saw my schedule was pretty lean and opted to push forward.  I made it all day long so whoopie go me.  It was around 2p and it had been quiet all day.  I just watched a Chiropractic video of this hot 20 year old getting adjusted, I was feeling sleepy for the first time and opted to try to doze off.  Just as I shut my eyes, the phone went off and I had work to take care of. 

I don’t know why the universe doesn’t want me to get any sleep but I do think that tonight I will be sawing logs heavily or so I hope.  I do hope that I don’t lay around too much tomorrow but it will depend on how I feel as to what I do. 

The best news I got all day long was that my week of vacation around my birthday was finally approved.  I went through and wiped out all of the meetings for that week that were on my calendar.  I do plan on enjoying all 40 hours of my time, plus the weekend and extra day we get for the Labor Day holiday.  I am sure my mind will probably drift towards work but I am going to do my best to just relax and unwind, enjoying time away.  It’s been a stressful summer to say the least. 

Contributing to my stress level, this morning I found more work that my counterpart had failed to complete.  I called every little detail out to him and sent multiple emails not to be mean but I kept finding problems so his mailbox blew up.  I had a phone conversation with him about all of this.  It’s getting out of hand and I have suppressed from our Manager.  I told him that this was his last chance to get his act together otherwise I would be forced to voice my concerns.  He understood and took it all in.  I never heard an apology but then again what can you say in that circumstance.  Last week we had a blitz of people leave and when there are large numbers either people leaving or starting, he freaks out and that is when the mistakes are made.  We have a couple events each year where a wave of people both start and leave.  It is just the nature of our business and he needs to get used to it.  I told him that I hate to babysit and to double check work be it out of fear or curiosity.  I have to trust that he is doing his job because I have to do mine.  However, if someone finds a mistake since I am the focus of onboarding and offboarding I am the person that gets the black eye, meaning the person who is called out for it.  I’ve got a great reputation and I won’t permit anyone to tarnish it.  I can tarnish it all by myself if I so choose. 

Something about the younger generation is their attention spans are very short.  They see a shiny object and they forget what they were doing or wanted to do.  I’ve got the same problem at times, but then again I am older and it’s expected.  When I am working I am 100% focused on what I am doing.  I kind of fall apart during large events like he does but I don’t let it show and I fall apart in my own head. If I think I made a mistake or missed something I go back over it to make sure that everything was done correctly.  He is just now getting that as an idea, I’ve made him paranoid and perhaps that is a good thing and what he needed to step up.  I really like working with him, we make a decent team.  I don’t want to ruin what we have and I don’t want to see him get into trouble but I do think I have hammered home that I’ve reached my breaking point.  I have also kind of dug a grave for myself because I know that I should have spoken up a while ago instead of trying to manage this on my own.  If push comes to shove and I have to say something my Manager will be very disappointed in me and that is something I don’t want either.  I think that I am just too nice of a person, but I do try to treat others as I want them to treat me. 

It’s about to strike 8p here.  I am going to my bedroom, where I have spent a good portion of the day working from my recliner.  Gator wasn’t a fan but my back was very happy. 

Have a great evening, enjoy the weekend.  Here’s hoping it is a great weekend for all of us!  Thanks for stopping by I will talk with you all again soon. 

National Underwear Day

Apparently today is National Underwear Day. If you can think of it, there is probably a day for it. Underwear is something that appears very popular with us gay men. I thought that having multiple types of underwear and various brands was limited to me but nope not the case. White is a basic color and while it looks good there is nothing like adding some color in when and where you can. Granted it’s not something that most people will see or notice but you know and that is all that matters. I learned of National Underwear Day via social media and also got an email from a former porn site that I subscribed to. They were having a 50% off sale, one day only. Talk about a brief sale. I know it was a bad pun but it was also slightly funny, so I just had to.

On the work front, I was able to knock out quite a lot of tasks today and was super productive. Even had time to take a nap. Had some hot dogs for lunch, slightly burnt my finger but it’s all good. I ruffled some feathers this afternoon and had someone tell me how to do my job. It’s really tough to let it go but I know that it’s better to do just that, reacting will inflame the situation. I didn’t do anything wrong but I could have communicated proactively that may have avoided the situation, but we will never know. On call has seen a bit of a spike in the work load, last night I was working until 8p. When this morning rolled around it kind of felt like I never actually left.

The doctor’s office called this morning, which I thought was rather strange. They were concerned about my glucose level. The labs have been back for at least a week if not two and you’re just now calling. Anyway, they wanted to schedule a redraw and I am just now healed up from my last adventure with drawing blood. I told the lady that I was a diabetic and that actually my A1C was down a couple points from last time. Well, she missed that in my chart and didn’t think I was diabetic so that is why she called. Okay honest mistake and no redraw is necessary. It was kind of alarming at first but once we got into it, I knew that someone overlooked the obvious.

The Gator has been a little crabby and very demanding today. I’ve ignored her a few times but that persistence and knowing how to meow even louder when you don’t get your way always works here. At that point I will do most anything to shut her up. She is getting even more picky with age and things that she used to love she no longer does. Right now, Turkey and Chicken are all the rage with her. I love watching her lick her chops when she is done, that is one way she communicates to me that she really had a good meal. I think she got mad at me or maybe just wanted some alone time. She is sawing logs in the bedroom and I am okay with that. We each know that we need time away from the other. It’s just that when I do it, she has to be in the know or she will freak out when she wakes up and discovers I am not around.

Got the trash out to the curb and looking forward to some downtime this weekend. Nothing special planned but time away from the machines & screens is a good thing. Kind of wish I had someone to enjoy the weekend with besides my cat. Then again, I wish I was a millionaire too. Hopefully things will be calm tonight and I can get in some time with the TV. Dinner will be store made Mostaccioli and probably some Peaches & Cream Ice Cream for dessert. Kind of a bit on the bored side and really want to be untethered from my phone & my job. I really don’t like the fact that any second an email can come in and ruin my night but it’s part of what I signed up for. If I do ever switch jobs, I want one that doesn’t come with on-call duties.

At least tomorrow is Friday and we have the weekend to look forward to. I hope that your staying cool, enjoying the summer and that life is treating you well. Be safe and we will talk again soon.

Return to work

Information was disseminated today that we still have a mandatory back to work after Labor Day. The plan has changed in that we will be working a Hybrid model where you only have to be in the office 2 days per week, the rest of the time you can work from home. Masking is mandatory for now.

Our leadership thinks they are making a smart approach to going back full time by easing everyone into a 2 day in the office schedule. Never mind the Delta variant it’s not really a threat for our people at this time, but that too could change. The insult here is that if you’re a fee earner, meaning you generate revenue for the organization you can work from home so long as you can meet your clients needs. I think that is a double standard. Just because I am staff doesn’t make my life any less valuable. However, this ‘double standard’ has always been in place and is not something that is new. The fee earners have unlimited time off as well, whereas staff people accrue

There isn’t a mandatory vaccination requirement in place but it’s also being considered, meaning that if you don’t get the shots chances are good that you won’t have a job.

Despite being vaccinated I’ve elected not to share that fact with my employer as I feel they aren’t privy to my health info. If it becomes mandatory to disclose then I will certainly do so. All of our offices are in multi-tenant buildings and since that is the case, no one is privy to what the other businesses in the various offices are doing regarding COVID. If we owned an office and it was just our employees, then I would not have nearly the level of concern that I do today.

At the moment I really don’t want to go back and don’t feel comfortable in doing so. I am still watching the numbers as my doctor asked me. I am waiting until we get a little bit closer and then I plan to ask for a letter from my doctor requesting that I remain working from home for now. If things get better in the world and the spread of the virus settles down, I’ve got no problem with going back, despite the fact that I really am used to working from home. Hell, it’s been a hear and a half and was quite the change to make so I really don’t think anyone who has gotten used to it will want to change back. However, all good things must come to an end and it’s not like I thought that I would be able to work from home forever. That said, I know that the pandemic has opened quite a bit of eyes to the ability and possibility for transitioning workers to a full remote model as a cost savings to many businesses. If they would help pay for the internet, I think it would be a win-win for everyone. That’s not something that I ever see flying with my present employer.

My decision to not return, lies in the hands of my doctor and unless he puts something in writing I will have to bend to the will of my employer, because at the end of the day I need money and having a job generates said money.

I do understand the importance of getting back to business and getting people together, I just feel that now is not the right time for that. Labor Day typically marks the end of Summer so it will be the last big get together before we have Thanksgiving. There will likely be rises in COVID cases after any major holiday where people get together. That said, I think that this will be something that were dealing with for at least another year if not two or three. Until then I think that life will be all about living in a new normal and people as well as business will need to adjust according to the infection/spread rate. I don’t think we have seen the last of a full lockdown across the US. I know that for the most part we want to keep things open and functioning but if the infection/spread rate gets too high it only makes sense to lockdown to slow the spread, as unpopular a decision as it is.

The virus sounds unpleasant and isn’t something that I want or need. While odds are that it wouldn’t kill me or put me in the hospital since I have the shots, I see no reason to gamble. One thing is for sure I don’t want to die for any reason until after my 4-legged friend is gone. I know she would be so lost without me. I still wonder how she will adjust to a hybrid schedule where I am here somedays and other days not. Then there is my sleep schedule, especially with her waking me up in the middle of the night. Being sleep deprived or having interrupted sleep isn’t something that is healthy long term. I am at the point where she is starting to settle down and changing routines for sure would upset that rhythm, not to mention when there isn’t anything going on I can cat nap during the day and no one is the wiser. Going back to the office will prevent that or at the very least make it super uncomfortable.

Stay tuned to see how this plays out.

Frustration

I will be glad when this week is done, only because I happen to be on-call.  My counterpart called in today with a sick kid.  He left a lot of what I refer to as ‘bombs’ all over the place with work that he said he would do but didn’t.  I had to pick up the pieces and really am tired of it.  The same damn thing happened last week but he was working so we had a conversation about it.  This afternoon after I had time to reflect I memorialized what transpired in an email and asked him to help me help him be successful.  What I do isn’t Brain Surgery or Rocket Science.  As long as you can read and follow directions then you can do the job.  Truth be told this has been going on for a while but it’s been here and there.  This is an odd predicament to be placed in because we have a decent working relationship and I value it.  However if at the end of the day he can’t cut the mustard then it’s time to find someone who can.  I have already dug a small grave for myself because I haven’t been telling the boss about it, but that’s why I sent the email so I will have something to refer back to if it’s necessary.  I need my job and while I am doing the work of 2 people once again I am only paid for 1 job. 

He made me even madder because I saw an alert over the weekend that I told him how to deal with, he ignored me and left the problem for Monday.  He was on call and it was his job to deal with it but he just set it aside. 

If your going to do the job, then might as well do it right.  No one is perfect and I am the first one to own my mistakes but this has to come to an end.  I am hopeful that he will pull it together, if not then it’s going to be a long and bumpy ride because no one gets fired overnight.  The reason why I was able to get rid of the last person who was dead weight was only because he finally after 2 years quit but I had been building a case on him for a very long time.  That gets old as well.

I just hope this has a happy and quick ending!  Otherwise, it’s been an okay day.

Only Fans

It’s no secret I like men and chances are pretty good that you do as well. I have many guys that I like that be it porn stars, actors, etc. You might be familiar with Andrew Neighbors (aka Andrew Goes Places) he is active on many social media platforms and also plays games & streams on Twitch. For the longest time people have been after him to make an Only Fans account. He’s got a rocking body and it does look very nice. He’s got youth on his side and he works out and takes really good care of his body. He’s always said that his employer wouldn’t permit him to have an Only Fans. I mean he makes his living as an eye doctor. His job affords him the ability to work remote and also to travel. It sounds like a very sweet job and he gets to help people.

A few weeks back I got a surprise and Andrew announced that he now has an Only Fans. I know that typically he posts pictures of his rear end and his chest but you never see the goods (aka frontal nudity). He said that he talked things over with his boss and they agreed that it was okay for him to have the account but he still has an image to uphold and as such he has guidelines to work within. He is using the money he makes to pay off his student loans and to purchase items that he wants. You can see how much money he makes in tips on each post. Some are pretty high and others get nothing. However, one thing is for sure between the price of the subscription, the tips and what ever he makes with private videos, he’s raking it in. Sex sells and it always will.

My curiosity did get the best of me and I joined Andrew’s Only Fans. It’s not horribly expensive and not knowing what I was going to see or what he may post in the future I opted to sign up for 6 months. My membership expires in January.

Andrew is living up to his usual standard and there is no frontal nudity. He’s made some overtures to suggest that it might be there but that you would have to join to find out. He does post something at least once per day. There is a mix of photos and videos. He posts his workout routines in videos but he just shows off his body and does some flexing or drops his pants to show off his jock or underwear. I am happy with the content. What I don’t like is that I get messages from him with “private videos” that cost more money if you want to see them. There is another platform called Just For Fans and some content creators there do the same thing. You already have a captive audience and chances are pretty good that someone is going to bite for it. At the end of the day it’s a business and that translates to money. That’s why the content creators are in the game.

Just in case you knew or didn’t know of his Only Fans adventure, I wanted to share the type of content that he is posting. I didn’t expect him to show frontal nudity and I doubt that he ever will but I wouldn’t object. I do think that he isn’t quite as poor as he leads people to believe. I do think that he still has a large student loan to pay off but at the end of the day he’s not going hungry.

I think it would be interesting to see him in a professional setting as I can only imagine he acts much different. I would like to see that side of him just for a compare and contrast.

I can say that I have some disappointment in him, in that when his dog went missing earlier this year, I sent him a few messages to help keep his hopes up but never got a thank you or any type of acknowledgement. I also reached out to him back when he lived in LA and I know he got my note because he showed the envelope on camera but never took the time to respond. I get that he probably receives hundreds of messages each day and it is probably an impossible task to keep up with everything so at some point you just pick and choose what and who you will respond to. There is a message feature within Only Fans and he says that he replies to all of his OF mail but I am hesitant to reach out because I don’t want to further the disappointment. Despite my disappointment I don’t think any less of him.

Over the whole COVID isolation thing I got into Twitch and watch several streamers. What I enjoy most is when they do “just chatting”. Andrew does a lot of that and it’s not the same as having someone sitting across from me but it does help with the boredom. I am not much of a gamer but if you’re playing a 1^st person shooter or Grand Theft Auto then I will watch that but otherwise games in general aren’t my thing. Andrew is a bit on the loud side when he streams.

How neat would it be to be able to tell people that your eye doctor is cute & on social media? I do think that Andrew is very much aware of what he posts and how content will follow you forever. If you can make it appear on a screen then chances are really good that someone, somewhere has a record of it. That’s true if it only appears for a minor second, especially when you have a large following. I wish him well in his adventure and look forward to see what the future has in store for him. He does seem to be settling down a bit and while single I have a feeling that he won’t be single for very long.