Nervous

Yesterday everything was going great and then boss man rang.  He is paranoid that something is going to go wrong while I am out of the office.  He wanted to know who to use as a backup.  I told him that I will have my cell phone and be reachable.  That didn’t appease him, so I had to provide a list of contacts.  Now that causes some concern on my part.  I have taken vacation in the past and he hasn’t asked that question.  So I am thinking that I might be replaced.  Maybe not while I am on vacation but when I come back or perhaps down the road a bit.  His actions make me paranoid.

I had some plans for my time off and now I am questioning if I should go through with them.  I mean once the money is spent I can’t unspend it.  It’s like unrinning a bell, it simply can not be done.  I tried to talk to my bosses son who is the majority owner of the company.  He pushed me away and said we can talk next week, he is too busy now.  I told him I won’t he here and he said well when you get back.  That was the approach he took last time.  He is the one who told me not to run from my problems.  Wow, now he is running from his.  I mean he won’t approach me he will talk with a 3rd party in the office and they will approach me – at least that is how it worked last time.  I am just tired of living in fear.  I can’t make any long term commitments, enter into contracts or even buy a new car – all because of fear.  However, sooner or later I will be forced to do something with the house and then I will be accountable – I just hope that I have a stable and steady job by then. 

If I am still here at the same place that won’t be a bad thing, so long as I get the assurance I need.  I would rather they offer me a contract but I don’t see that happening.  At least if I had something written I could rely on it.

So today is the last working day for me before vacation.  I am eager to go but also on edge because of his actions.  I look forward to getting home and just collapsing.  Catching up on TV as the cats position themselves to see who can get the most attention and best seat in the house.  That by the way is usually my lap.  If you land there chances are your going to be happy. 

Jumper was mad at me last night so he decided to boycott sleeping with me.  Of course this morning he is all over me.  I am not offended, I understand we all need a break. 

I had a crazy dream last night.  I met someone. He was a taxi cab driver who owned an airplane and we were working our way back to my office.  Never made it.  However, we did some talking along the way and of course had to stop for food.  Eventually we got seperated and then I found myself asking for a ride and was picked up by this guy who just stole a car.  Now all of a sudden I became a criminal because I got in.  He was very rude and well then I woke up.  Very strange. 

I would certainly like to meet someone but have suspended my search because of a couple reasons, one of which is my job. No one wants someone who isn’t employed or gets fired.  Two I haven’t been sucessful in even being able to get a first date.  Oh the day that happens I will be a huge mess.  Talk about nervous.  I can almost feel the butterflies.  However, it will be good to break the ice.  Sort of like the first interview for a job, if you don’t get it at least you broke the ice. 

Got a text this morning from a friend who told me at my old job they are getting rid of management and by May they expect to have all new management in place.  The company that bought them is gutting the place and putting in their people.  It started at the bottom and is now working it’s way up to the top.  Some people have stuck around or simply been overlooked but it’s truly a whole new place now and I am very happy I am not there.  Although it is better than being here. 

My prayer is that I get to do what I want, and this all works out sooner rather than later.  Well here is hoping, wishing and praying for the best.  Talk with you peeps later.life