Frustrated

Last night was a good night.  Momma had a nice feast, drank some water, spent some time with me and appeared generally okay.  She laid down on the couch next to Gator and I took a photo of the two of them sleeping together.  I couldn’t help but think that this could be one of the last photos that I get of the two of them resting together. 

This morning I passed out food and everyone ate, I gave momma some extra food before I left and she was lapping it up.  Thankfully it didn’t summon Gator so Momma got first dibs. 

I give her Lasix to her in the morning so it has all day to work to get the fluid out of her system.  Last night you couldn’t find any.  This morning I found some on her undercarriage by her front paws.  The tiger paw is still there.  She let me inspect it last night and massage it with out any problem. 

The entire way in I thought about my little girl and what she is going through.  I don’t know if I will come home to find her alive or dead and that frankly is frightening.  I’ve thought about it enough that if she is going to pass that I would much prefer her to go to sleep and not wake up vs me having to make the decision.  I won’t like finding her but at least it would happen at home where she is comfortable in familiar surroundings.  It would also allow Marv and Gator time to hopefully process things rather than her just disappearing from the house.  There is just no good outcome for death. 

I’ve called the vet and scheduled a follow up visit for Friday which I was told is the soonest appointment.  I think I was lied to but I followed up with an email to the vet so if they can accommodate an earlier appointment I’m sure I will hear something.  Otherwise we will go back on Friday morning provided Momma can hang in there a bit longer.  Based on what I am seeing I think she will make it since she is eating & drinking.  I hope that I can get some answers and we can remedy this paw swelling.  Moreover that everything falls into place and things normalize more.  If I have to accept the fact she is dying then so be it but right now I think it all goes back to the paw swelling. 

This is so emotionally frustrating not to mention the fact that I have to continue on with my life and my job while all of this is going on.  It’s a nice diversion when I can concentrate but that is getting more difficult to do.  I so hope for a good outcome!  This isn’t the way I wanted 2020 to start out. 

Bigger isn’t better

The excess fluid appears to be gone from Momma.  She looks really good.  Her paw does seem bigger to me.  I was rubbing it this morning and she yelped outside of that she is still walking on it like nothing is wrong.  Eating, drinking and acting kind of normal.  She’s not jumping or playing and I am unsure if I will see that again. 

The vet that I originally saw on Thursday won’t be back until Wednesday.  So if we don’t have some progress by then I will be calling for another appointment.  I don’t want to obsess over this but it’s my little girl and while she appears to be tolerating it, to me it looks painful as hell.  I really think she needs another antibiotic to clear this up.  I also think that her “heart issue” will clear on it’s own once this infection or whatever it is has left her body, that is if we can get it to leave. 

I have done a bit of on-line research.  The long acting antibiotic that is in her system is active for 2 weeks but it remains in the body for 65 days.  That’s kind of crazy.  If you have an allergic or adverse reaction your pretty well fucked because there is no way to get it out once it’s in.  Lots of horror on line but I can find that with a lot of drugs both human and animal.  This stuff has worked wonders for us in the past across the whole family.  It’s what helped to give Ruth extra time.  I’m not a vet and not telling them how to do their job but her paw shouldn’t be the same size or worse 4 days after the injection.  Something is clearly wrong.  However I will exercise my patience.  It’s not my strong suite, especially when it comes to medical care regardless of who it’s for. 

My night of sleep was okay, I woke up for a little bit but turned on the electric blanket and rolled over.  I woke up 25 minutes before I was supposed to get up.  I gave in and got up early.  Everyone was thankful for that.  Traffic was a bit of a nightmare and I was on the fence about going to work.  However, I talked myself into it.  I wanted to take Momma back to the vet but figured it wouldn’t do any good because I’d wind up with the same doc as I had yesterday.  So I thought why waste the effort, time and most of all money.  They won’t see her for free and I want maximum value for my money.  I hope this is much ado about nothing but based on what I am seeing I don’t think so. 

I just life to go back to a state of normal.  Funny because when it’s normal I’m bored and not happy with that either.  Sort of like the weather when it’s cold you want it warmer and when it’s warm you want it colder.  It’s a never ending cycle.  However, I could use less drama and bad news I want my momma back.  I know the song goes I want my baby back, my baby back ribs but in this case it’s my momma.  She is my world and the matriarch of our family. 

To error on the side of caution I clipped Gators nails last night they were pretty sharp so maybe this was a claw thing.  I’ll never know and honestly don’t care.  Just want to fix the problem. 

Work is a little busy and has helped distract me a little bit.  I talked with my boss so he is prepared for whatever happens.  I know that this momma issue will gobble up more of my time and that isn’t what I want either but it’s family first. 

Happy Monday!

More on Momma

So I am still numb to the news.  I just can’t seem to accept it.  None of this started until she got her wound on her leg.  Based on symptoms that I read for a spider bite on a cat it doesn’t sound like that is what happened.  It is rather an abscess that she likely got from fighting and probably with Gator.  Since this went untreated for a bit that allowed time for it to fester and build in her body.  I do think that the cardiac/fluid issue is from the abscess and that she doesn’t have heart issues. 

I am either right or wrong and only time will tell.  All I can do is monitor and use my best judgement until we get to see the vet again.  I do hope for momma’s sake and my sake that I am right and this will pass.  I think she needs a stronger antibiotic.  What she has will last for 2 weeks so if after a week there isn’t marked improvement I will be calling.  I think the Lasix will force the fluid out of her paw but I have mixed feelings about giving that to her once a day.  I am going to at least give it a shot. 

So there you have it more of my humble opinion. 

On the home front I finally drained the water heater.  I saw where a portion of the paint had bubbled up and I pressed it a small portion caved in.  That didn’t sit well with me but the thing is still working.  I thought for sure I broke it when I turned on the hot water upstairs it started to spit and there was a period where nothing happened.  I think there were air bubbles in the line and they had to be forced out before the stilly thing would start working again.  It does work and there isn’t a leak at the moment on the floor.  Looks like I will be replacing this thing sooner rather than later.  Since it’s only me here when the time comes I will look at a tankless water heater.  Two reasons, #1 it will be the last water heater I buy.  #2 it’s just me here and it makes no sense to keep gallons of water heated on demand 24/7.  I just hope this thing holds it self together until I can sort things out with Momma.  She is priority #1 when it comes to expenses. 

I did keep busy today more so than normal.  I scanned a bunch of my old tax records and then shredded the originals.  That was a fun little exercise.  I zipped the files and encrypted them.  Then placed them in my on-line vault for safe keeping.  It’s something that I need to hang on to but not something that I need to occupy space.  I’ve got lots of paper here like that and scanning it and eliminating the physical copy is something I should do.  It’s not something that will happen in a weekend or even a day.  It will take time and eventually I will get it all done.  I am in no hurry. 

I called my friend and he was of some comfort to me but in the end he didn’t offer me any advice other than it’s going to cost a lot and I should consider how much I want to spend and how the cat feels.  Big whoop I already knew that.  This isn’t my first rodeo.  I didn’t want to call him but eventually I caved and had to talk with someone.  I will be chatting about her tomorrow at work and she will be at the forefront of my mind for a very long time. 

My back is in a bunch of knots.  My massage the other day just irritated things and didn’t really solve anything.  Not sure that I will be going back this week but maybe.  I really need for payday to hit and see what I have left.  I have to send money to pay off vet bills and my Amazon Prime Membership as well as the pants I ordered.  None of this is due now but it will be and I don’t like to wait for the bills to show up in the mail as a surprise.  I like to pay for things in full once I have the money.  I don’t carry any credit card debt and I am quite proud of that.  I’ve got a personal loan for the roof that will finally be paid for after this year and then I will have some extra cash to save and hopefully will be able to finally start to get ahead. 

Going to surf for some porn then go get a massage from my machine and call it a night.  Watching TV with the kids and resting up for what I am sure will be a hell of a week. 

Cheers for now!

Likely Heart Failure

I took Ms. Momma back to the vet because her paw is still swollen.  They think that it just needs more time but that overall it’s improving.  I am supposed to massage her paw a couple times a day to help with the swelling. 

I’ve noticed issues with her breathing and mentioned them.  Wow that is a quick way to run up a bill.  It looks like she has heart failure and the outcome is poor.  I had a choice to do nothing, to tap her and wait & see how much fluid comes back or to give her a low dose of Lasix and see if that will help.  I chose the Lasix route, this will have an affect on her kidneys but they were in good shape as of the last blood work.  Right now the time estimate I have is that I will loose her in the next 3 months. 

I know my cat and I knew there was something else wrong and this fluid retention thing is new.  It looked like she was trying not to drown the other night and I thought that was rather odd. 

I am in a bit of shock but I am kind of peeved about the bill I got.  They charged me $40 to do an ultrasound but no one asked me if it was okay, they just did it.  Like I have deep pockets or something.  Yeah she probably needed it and it’s what provided the insight into the fluid level but it would have been nice if someone would have asked me if I was okay with it and told me what it costs before they just did it. 

As for the time frame to live, I had the sense that I am going to lose her.  I think it will be soon but I honestly don’t know what soon translates to as for the time.  Ms. Momma is a tough old woman who gave birth to 4 kids and 1 of them had a death diagnosis all the time but he outlived all of them until they finally gave up on telling me a time frame.  I think that could easily be the case with her.  You think the worst because of the findings you see today but in a couple weeks you could get a whole different picture and that could easily change things maybe speed things up or maybe slow thing down. 

So long as neither of us is suffering I will do everything I can for her because I love her.  That doesn’t mean taking out a 2nd mortgage on the house because I know in the end it’s a loosing battle.  But I’m willing to spend a little bit on her if it buys me more time.  I am already in shutdown mode and slowly trying to prepare for the inevitable.  While at the same time trying to enjoy the time I have with the other two cats.  You just never know I could go before any of them.  It’s not likely but it is possible.

I kind of wish I had someone with me to help me absorb the news and comfort me but hey I’ve been down this road before and it’s not fun.  It’s a road that you want to get off of as soon as you can because it’s quite the emotional & financial rollercoaster.  I want to keep them forever but I know that just isn’t possible. 

This is not the way I wanted to start off the week.  I’ve given her the first dose of the Lasix and I hope that it works it’s magic to get rid of the fluids but that it doesn’t dehydrate her terribly.  I wish that there was a pill that would just target the excess fluid around her lungs and not totally dehydrate her but such a pill doesn’t exist.

I’ve got homework to do in that I have to monitor her heart rate and chart it.  Then bring all that data with me to the next visit which will be in 2 weeks.  I’m seeing a different vet them, one that is a little more cost friendly.  I do look forward to the day I have no pets in that I won’t have to deal with this vet.  I’m only going there because I know they provide the best care.  They aren’t the cheapest.  If I get another pet after these 3 fur balls have passed away I will choose a different vet because I’m really over being taken to the cleaners financially.  I know I could switch now but again it’s about the level of care.  I have every confidence in the world that I am getting world class care but I am also getting world class raped when it comes to the cost. 

Here’s hoping that things go up from here.  2020 isn’t off to the greatest of starts but the year still has 11 more months so things have plenty of time to get better.   

Sleepy Saturday

Good Day!

Ms. Momma is doing better.  She is acting more like her normal self.  However, something was going on with her breathing last night.  I am keeping an eye on her.  Last night I turned off my air purifier and white noise machines so that I could clearly hear everything.  Her stomach gurgled and I was looking at her with a flashlight from my bed.  She stared back to me as if to say roll over it’s okay.  The swelling has dissipated some, hopefully it will fully resolve soon.  She is asking me to pick her up and she is sleeping in my lap.  All good signs!

I have slept the day away.  It’s cold and wet outside.  It’s rained more today.  We have ice and snow on the way.  I was fortunate to get out of bed by 2p and grabbed lunch, the mail and some cat food.  Then it was back home.  I am working on laundry and cleaning up email and contacts. 

No real motivation for me today, I should hopefully snap out of it tomorrow.  It might be a fun commute in the morning with ice on the way but I still need groceries and that won’t stop me.  I’ll slide all the way to the store if need be. 

That’s it for the moment.  Back to the fun of life and relaxing.  I also need to pass out food for dinner.  I am surprised no one is meowing it’s getting close to 6p and that’s around the time I walk in the door from a normal work day.  I’m also thinking of eating again since my only meal was at 2p unless you count the pastry and soda I had for breakfast at 6a. 

Be safe, stay warm and we shall talk again soon. 

Friyay

I am happy that we finally made it to the end of the week.  What a week it’s been!  I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare.  It had nothing to do with Momma but my instincts kicked in and I had to check on her.  I shined a flashlight on her and I guess that made her mad because she left the room.  I was up for an hour and then went back to bed. 

When I woke up this morning I found her in the kitchen all curled up by the backdoor.  Her chest was moving but when I touched her she was cold and it took a little bit to wake her up.  She was a tad bit confused but shook it off and was ready for breakfast.  Gator stuck her nose in the plate and that always makes Momma leave.  It’s just her motherly instincts, she always lets the kids eat first.  You would think that would ware off with time and age but nope, she is still polite as ever. 

The red mark appears to be gone from her arm but the bit still looks bad.  The swelling in her paw hasn’t resolved yet.  I guess it will be a slow thing but I will probably be over protective of her and reach out to the vet tomorrow if there isn’t some improvement with the swelling.  She is a purr machine I tell you.  Always purring away and her kids are exactly like their mom. 

I still have the concern that I am going to lose her sooner rather than later.  I just hope that I am wrong and she is like a Timex.  I am really baffled at where a spider could have come from and why it had to pick on any of the cats much less Momma.  Poor girl. 

I spied on the house a little while ago but everyone is in their respective hiding place.  Marv is under the couch likely.  Momma and Gator are in my room.  I really need more than 1 camera.  I hope that my sweet girl will progress and make a full recovery from this. 

I’m on call next week so I have that to look forward to.  Working on a report that I hate but it’s keeping me busy and has helped pass the morning by.  The afternoon will probably drag a bit but I am so ready to get out of here.  It’s raining and has been since last night.  There is a Winter component to this storm and we should see snow tomorrow, so you know the grocery stores will be packed as everyone will be stocking up on the makings for French Toast … Milk, Eggs and Bread.  Not me I will wait until Sunday and do my normal shopping then.  It’s in the 60’s here now so the thought of snow just doesn’t seem like it will do much if any damage.  Weather is a crazy thing just like life. 

Have a super weekend and we will talk again soon. 

Update on Momma

Once again her name rings true, she is Lucky!  Apparently something bite her elbow and that is what caused the swelling.  There is in infection and a huge red line that shows it’s spreading.  A couple more days and she would have been in serious trouble.  Thankfully my observant and obsessive behavior paid off in a large way and she got to cash in another life.  This is either a cat bite or a spider bite.  I was told to go home and vacuum and I did just that to my room.  I had skipped it last weekend because they were all resting.  Next time I am going to kick them out.  I don’t think she would have gotten into a squabble with Gator and Marvin is whipped so he wouldn’t fight his own mother.  This had to be a spider bite.  Not that I want it but I would rather have it bite me than one of the cats.  Whatever it is I am fairly confident that Momma killed it.  

The vet gave her an injection of antibiotics and I have to monitor her and check the line and see overall how she is doing.  We should be all set in two days if the antibiotic is going to be able to kill the infection, if things are worse then she will need to go back and that will mean more money flying out of my pocket.  Speaking frankly with the vet I have maybe the rest of the year left with Lucky pushing beyond that is probably stretching things.  However, that’s not to say it’s not possible.  The way she is going through her lives she is close to running out of them. 

I was surprised they are renovating the vets office from top to bottom.  Looks like my money is being put to good use.  I think my name should be on a wall for all of the thousands of dollars they have milked out of me over the years.  However, I know I am not alone. 

Now pay day can’t come fast enough for me.  I need a cash infusion so that I can give money to the credit cards and pay the other bills.  Mentally I am freaking out but in doing some math I see that I will be okay.  It’s just expenses are adding up.  $100 for pants.  $100 for the vet.  $$ for a massage and another $100 for Amazon Prime.  It seems I am spending money faster than I am making it, which is a very bad thing. 

Now on to supper and resuming a normal evening.  I got a couple extra hours which is kind of nice.  Kind of wish I would have stayed home though but overall I’m happy with the decision I made they seem to have paid off and my momma got the care she needed. 

Emotional Rollercoaster Continues

I’ve noticed over the last couple days that Ms. Momma looks to be retaining fluid.  This morning one of her front paws is noticeably larger than the other.  She seems pretty normal with the new attitude that she has exhibited.  However, she shouldn’t be puffing up like a marshmallow. 

She could have congestive heart failure which is causing this or it could be an allergic reaction or probably a million other things that I don’t want to know. 

I was all over the place on how to move forward.  I went to work and called the vet.  They had an afternoon cancellation so I am leaving after lunch and headed home.  We will see the doctor later this afternoon and perhaps figure out what in the world is going on with her. 

I still have the instinct that something isn’t right and if off as well as the though that I am going to lose her.  I’m so scared and really wish I had someone in my life to lean on.  I know that all I can do is see what the vet has to say and then make an informed decision based off of the advice I get.  I’d love it if we could figure out what is going on and fix it without draining my wallet or hurting her. 

I did look at photos and one paw has been larger than the other or so it appears.  However, I haven’t noticed that one paw was like the size of a large dog and the other tiny, which is how it appeared this morning.  She didn’t seem to mind at all.  She ate a little bit and then curled up.  I gave her some belly rubs which she opened up for and enjoyed.  Not sure if she was acting or if she really enjoyed them. 

I’d love to get off of this rollercoaster but I still want my Momma.  Not sure if that is going to be possible but being all over the place doesn’t help me.  My other fear is that I lose her that Gator or Marv will be quick to follow and I don’t want that either. 

Stay tuned for further updates.  Not sure if I will be up for posting again tonight but that kind of depends on what I hear. 

Sore but moving

It was difficult as I expected to get out of bed this morning and get moving but I did it.  Yeah me.  Staying home another day or working from home would have been nice but why push it. 

Digging out was a little rough this morning but I am finally all caught up.  Just passing time away before it’s time to get into rush hour traffic on my journey home.  I’ve got 2 packages waiting for me both have pants in them.  How exciting, clothing.  I know not exactly what I wanted but something I needed. 

Ms. Momma was shaking her head last night so I figured I’d look in her ears.  Wow there was a tons of junk in there.  I got a lot of it out but she grew intolerant and I had to get her back to the floor.  She walked around shaking her head more.  Her ears wouldn’t cause the odd behavior.  I did get her to socialize a bit last night.  I also skipped her evening pill.  My body was just killing me and fighting with a cat or two just wasn’t top of my list.

Right now I can only hope that the old Ms. Momma’s personality/behavior will come back.  Sooner rather than later would be nice.  I’m so confused as to why the change if there is nothing wrong with her, at least detectable via blood work.  Even if this change is permanent, my love for her hasn’t changed and her love for me seems to be the same.  Perhaps this is just her aging.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it but I do have to live with it. 

Ah well nothing much else going on.  I am going to finish up a couple tasks here and then go play in traffic.  Thinking Shepard's Pie for supper.  Hope your all doing well.  Talk with you again soon.   

Sore Muscles

Yesterday afternoon the fire alarm went off.  It wasn’t going off on our floor or in my office but you could hear it in the stairwell.  We wound up leaving and that means I had to take the stairs.  My legs were like Jell-O when I was done and getting to sit back down never felt so good.  It was a false alarm which didn’t make me terribly happy. 

I got a call from the vet and turns out Momma’s blood work was normal.  She is slightly dehydrated but otherwise everything looks fine.  Kidney values and Thyroid were the main concern and it’s all going good.  So no answers as to why this is happening other than old age.  They told me to give her a little bit of fluid and that should make her appetite return.  I didn’t bother telling them I already gave her another appetize stimulant.  I followed up with a small dose of fluids when I got home.  She is back to eating but it’s due to the medicine.  She is going pretty good right now.  My guess is that her appetize will drop again with time but perhaps I will get lucky and she will be over the hump.  She is socializing a little bit but she spends most of her time in my room curled up in the pet bed.  I’m fine with that.  So I spent a bunch of money and have no answers.  Kind of sucks but I am glad that I don’t have bad news, which is kind of what I was expecting.  I still know that eventually be it a year or twelve she will eventually leave me so I still value each and every moment that I get to spend with her. 

I woke up this morning and knew there was no way I was leaving the house.  I thought about working from home but instead just opted to call in.  There hasn’t been a lot of activity today but I do have a few things to catch up on.  I got in some sleep.  I will take extra medicine tonight so hopefully I sleep.  I really want to go back tomorrow.  My legs hurt worse than my back but it will ear off eventually. 

So I don’t have any more pants problems I placed an Amazon order for 3 more pairs.  They have a slight stretch so they are comfortable and hopefully between me and my doctor we can figure out how to get me to lose some weight or at least maintain where I am at.  I’m not uncomfortable but I don’t want to blow up like a balloon. 

There you have it the very latest from my exciting life.  At least I avoided a day of rush hour traffic.  Last nights commute home was horrible and I managed to get behind Mr. Safety who was hogging the left lane so I had to unsafely pass him on the right.  I barley touched the gas and I was doing 100mph.  I love my vehicle but it was fun and scary at the same time to go that fast.  Middle of the week tomorrow and boss man will be back.  I know I won’t have a great day but hopefully it will be better than today. 

My Momma

Ms. Momma is back to being picky about eating.  She did nibble a bit this morning.  I gather she doesn’t feel well again.  I hit her with her Thyroid medicine and another Appetite Stimulant.  I figure she has all day to rest.  Hopefully she will be hungry tonight.  I hate this merry go round effect.  Where things are great for a short period of time and then stop.  It solidifies for me that unless we can figure out what the heck is going on with her that her time is limited.  She is a brave and tough woman who has been to hell and back.  I know she loves me more than life it’s self and I don’t want to be forced to make a “decision” but I also don’t want to see her like this as it’s not a quality life. 

I am hopeful that I will get a call with her blood work results as well as when I arrive home that she is doing better.  3 little cats are my world and they are all important to me.  However, right now Momma is the one I am most worried about and rightfully so.  The other two seem to be doing just fine. 

I spent some quality time with Marvin last night and groomed him.  He’s turned in to quite the drool monster.  Get him relaxed and it just pours out of him.  It’s a common thing and something that he started with once he grew older.  It was just less pronounced.  There are times when he won’t drool at all but apparently from what I saw in his fur last night he’s been at it for a few days.  No worries.  As long as he is happy.  I love to put him on the couch.  He seeks attention but once he gets it he calms down and will relax and completely unwind.  He loves to be close to me but on the couch it’s like his little oasis and he knows daddy is actively watching him and no one or nothing will hurt him.  I am just in aw that I have that power and can make him feel so comfortable. 

I always worry a little bit about each one of them they are on my mind.  However, right now that there is a problem it’s the worst.  I don’t like this at all because I have this uneasy feeling and there is fear of the unknown.  There is also the fear that her time is around the corner.  She has CTD (circled the drain) more than once and come back.  However, each circle takes something out of her and lessens her chance for a full and complete recovery, just as with a person.  I don’t think she has used 9 lives but she is close and unfortunately there is no leveling up like you can in a video game to get more lives. 

In other news, I picked out a pair of pants and in sucking in my gut to try to get them on I did something to my back and it hurts.  Needless to say I didn’t wear those pants to work.  I won’t be in them for a long time if ever again.  This gut of mine seems to be growing and that isn’t something I need or want.  I can buy new pants so that I am comfortable but I really don’t want to.  Clothes aren’t something I think much of, so long as everything is presentable I can wear the same thing for years and it won’t bother me.  Might bother others but not me. 

Work is a bit slow today but everyone is getting there respective groove back on so I figure in the next few days things will pick up.  One more day of rest before boss man comes back.  Between Momma and my back I thought seriously about working from home today and I probably could have with out an issue but I figured it would do both Momma and me good to separate for a few hours. 

Happy 1st Monday.  Talk with you again soon. 

Ah Sunday

I’m feeling pretty good today compared to how I was feeling yesterday.  I still feel a little under the weather but not enough to affect my performance.  Hopefully this theme will continue.  I wanted to buy some soup at the grocery store but managed to forget that as well as Ham flavored baby food.  I was a little slow to get out of bed but I also turned in late.  I just wasn’t feeling tired so I kept watching TV and then I looked at the time.  I had taken my pills but it was like they weren’t working fast enough.  Eventually I did manage to turn everything off and fall asleep.

Slow to rise I made it out of the house a little later than normal.  Missed my usual friend at Steak N Shake.  I had their Spicy Chicken Sandwich.  It was really good but it was on the spicy side.  I just felt the need to switch things up a bit.  Tired of the same old stuff.  I had to have an Eggnog shake to cool my mouth down. 

Made it to the grocery store and did my shopping.  Had 5 minutes to spare and was in line for my haircut.  That went really fast.  Then on to Target to pick up a couple things.  They have baby food but didn’t have Ham flavor and by then I had forgotten all about looking for soup.  Next stop was the gas station and then finally home sweet home.  The best impulse buy I made was 4 Butter Rum Muffins.  Damn they are so good and I can just feel the pounds packing on as I eat each and every bite but they are just too good to look at.  I’ve only had 1 but they probably won’t last long.  I will also be looking for them next week.  A grocery store best find!

I managed to spend way more than I wanted to.  I should have put somethings on credit.  I’ve given though to taking one of my cards that has a 0 balance and just start using it to pay for everything and locking my debit card.  I’d get a cash back reward but I would also have a bill to pay.  I’m mulling it over.  Not sure that this is something I really want to do but I do see the perk.  I like the feeling of paying cash when I can it’s just one less bill I have to worry about. 

Just took a stroll down memory lane.  I was looking for a legal document and found a bunch of pictures of myself taken through the years during school.  I snapped copies of them so I can keep them on my phone.  I got a couple photos where I was quite the handsome stud.  Never knew I looked that good.  I also found some report cards from when I was in grade school.  They talked about a self confidence issue  I always lacked self confidence, I think it’s from the physical abuse I endured.  Then lump in my sexuality and presto you have quite the mix.  I am much more self confident today than I have ever been.  There are moments when I have doubts but I think that is normal for everyone from time to time.  It was nice to see the old me.  I didn’t find the document I was looking for.  Ah, well just means I will have to look in other places.  If it’s here I am sure it will turn up eventually.  Probably when I no longer want it. 

Remember me remarking about my brother?  Well I found a photo on-line via his wife’s social media presence where he is looking at a new born.  I think it’s her son’s kid but I have no idea.  One would think that if I was an uncle that someone would tell me but then again this is my brother were talking about.  I don’t want to be an uncle but if I am then so be it.  I’m not a fan of kids. 

I woke up to find that I had someone interested in me.  I took a look and he was okay.  I was going to match with him this afternoon but when I went back he had un-liked me so there went that.  I honestly don’t have high hopes for the on-line thing.  Getting out in person I think will yield much better success.  Stay tuned because that is coming in due time or so I keep telling myself.  Doing nothing, changes nothing!

The cat kids are all doing fine.  They want their dinner so I will be climbing the stairs in a bit to get them fed.  I need to shave and make my dinner, which won’t be pizza for a change.  I’m still waiting on the blood work results and feel good about them coming back tomorrow.  If I don’t hear anything then I will be calling for sure on Tuesday looking for answers.

Here’s hoping that it’s a great week for all of us.  First full week of 2020.  Back to Business.  Take care and be well.  Talk with you all again soon.  Thanks as always for your visit. 

Kindness of a stranger

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope that 2020 is going well for all of you and that there is plenty of good and positive things on the road ahead. 

On the work front, we moved back to our new permanent spaces on Thursday shortly after lunch.  It was a hurry up and pack type event.  We had rain/snow in the forecast for Friday so everyone just opted to get it done.  The rain/snow never came and I’m okay with that.  I had work piling up while I was in the process of moving.  My new office was filthy and I cleaned one of the cabinets where it looks like someone shot their load in a couple of them.  It was just outright disgusting.  I said nothing and just kept on moving.  I had to do a minimal setup so I could get back to work but I took my sweet time.  I finished cleaning and unpacking yesterday.  This morning I woke up with a sore throat so likely something I cleaned had germs on it.  I’m not happy about it but what can you do? 

Our new guy was really getting tired of his corded headset, so I used my power and weight (what little bit I have) and talked with the right people.  I got him a Bluetooth Headset.  He was talking about buying one and I figured why should he shell out the money for one when we have them in house.  I called him up and told him that I had news so good he would want to kiss me.  He was elated and said that he would have kissed me if I was there in person.  Funny thing is that he was getting ready to make a purchase.  I blew him away.  I’ve gone out of my way to make him feel comfortable and at home.  The headset thing should have been handled by our boss but I know that spineless wimp would have made excuses and he probably wouldn’t have gotten one.  So since I knew how to work the system and make it happen, why not do it?  I wouldn’t do these things for just anyone so it’s a good thing for him that I have a crush on him, but I know he’s taken.  I see no reason to share that news with him as that would probably change things between us and that is the last thing I want to happen. 

On a professional level the new guy is killing it compared to the lazy incompetent piece of shit we used to have.  He seems pretty comfortable in processing the off boarding and I am keeping a close eye on his work for a tad longer but I am just about ready to cut him loose on that front.  Then we move on to bigger things.  I keep joking with him that once he is fully trained they won’t need me.  I should probably stop saying that because it could become a self fulfilling prophecy and that I don’t want.  I need my job despite the complaining I do.  We have a couple more days of piece and quiet before boss man returns on Wednesday and then it will be back to the normal bullshit. 

On the home front life here is normal as normal gets.  The cats are ruling me and I am letting them.  Momma is doing pretty good.  We got her blood work done this morning.  She was such a good girl.  Only a minor meow on the way over and a little chatter on the way in but hey it was cold outside I would chatter as well.  The tech that did the work charged me for a different panel of work, which I think will capture more than just her thyroid.  It cost slightly more but I paid the money.  I figure everything happens for a reason and perhaps this panel will be the tip off and unlock the mystery as to what is truly going on with her.  Hopefully it won’t be anything terrible.  Her weight is up slightly which is encouraging.  Plus she is still eating like she is pregnant.  All the time food and water.  She is up multiple times during the night.  She sleeps for a bit then grazes and comes back to sleep again.  She seems more like her normal self.  I do hope that I get answers and that I can stomach whatever news comes my way.  I expect the call tomorrow but Monday at the latest. 

I didn’t take my sleeping pills last night and was up most of the night.  It’s okay because today is Saturday but this isn’t the way I wanted the night to go.  Plus that doesn’t help my health and could be why I feel so lousy today. 

I did venture out this afternoon and grabbed a bite to eat at Cracker Barrel.  Something about their soup is so comforting to me and it seems to cure my ill or so I think.  I got to see a hot table of boys and then a hot buss boy.  The table next to me had a small family and they were gathering to celebrate Christmas.  They started unwrapping presents towards the end of my meal and it was kind of enjoyable to watch.  I think they felt sorry for me because I was alone.  I suppose that shows on my face along with the other emotional wounds I have more than I know or want it to.  At any rate it took forever to get the bill and finally the waitress told me.  Someone already took care of your bill, so your good to go.  I was surprised.  I have no idea who took care of me but I do appreciate it.  That is the kind of things I like to do for others.  Sometimes I make it known and other times I let it be a surprise.  I never thought in a million years it would come back to me.  That made me feel really good. 

I grabbed the mail and some cat food then headed back home.  So I need to start the chores and I am going to relax a bit more.  Might as well make the most of the weekend and the time I have because sooner rather than later it will be back to the old bump and grind.  I just hope I feel better tomorrow and that I am not getting sick as I think I am.  I still have my knot in my back and looking forward to Thursday because I plan to book time with the massage therapist.  Perhaps she can get rid of my unwanted friend. 

Thus far 2020 seems to be okay.  Funny thing is I am wondering about how my brother is doing and if he is happy.  I’m not knocking on his door to find out as that will just open the proverbial can of worms.  Every time I have anything to do with him I wind up getting hurt and I just can’t afford that.  Still he is blood family and I think it’s only natural to wonder about him.  I am probably not even on his radar, if I am he’s not reaching out. 

Before I go a quick legal tip.  If you sign any legal documents be sure to write the year as 2020 and not just 20.  Reason being is that someone could alter the document and write in digits behind the 20 so an example they could make it 2019 or 2017 and that could cause problems.  I read this on social media and it took a minute to soak in but I’m passing it on as a good will gesture. 

I shall talk with you again soon.  Take care, stay warm and be well.