Telephone Day

Yesterday I was able to leave early and arrived home to find the repairman waiting in my driveway.  Nice!  The not so nice part was standing in the cold while he fixed the door.  He did it with the door open and said it was easier that way.  We talked the entire time he was working and I learned a little bit.  I also found out that I am due for rollers on the garage door.  He told me how to replace them so I may give it a go, I found some decent replacements on Amazon last night.  He said to stay away from big box hardware stores because they usually carry Chinese products and they are inferior.  He also upgraded the spring to one size larger and said that it would last longer.  With springs you don’t go by years, but rather by usage.  So the more you use the door the closer you come to breaking a spring.  Too bad there isn’t a lifetime spring that one could purchase.  Then the best part he asked me my age and I told him he said sounds like a Senior Citizen to me and I got $8 off.  Okay so I am no Senior Citizen but it did save me money.

I went inside, warmed up with some Chicken Soup and a Sandwich.  Man that was much needed!  Took care of feeding the children and got 1 call at a decent hour.  I woke up throughout the night but nothing but silence and that is the way I would like to spend the rest of the week – no calls and total & complete silence.  Not sure if I will get my wish but there is no charge for wishing. 

Last night I spoke with the Loan Officer and he gave me a contact at the Title Company and they are working to resolve this.  I reached out to them as well and was told that they will be in touch in the next few days.  They are trying to get the original document back before it hits the recorders office.  You would think that would have been done by now but nope.  So I will have to sign another Quit Claim Deed but I will be damn sure to scour every inch of the document before I put ye old john hancock on it. 

Today has been a crazy day.  I started the car and backed out of the driveway and the car started idling funny like it was going to die on me.  I said okay car don’t start.  That was it, smooth sailing into work.  I am really good to my car so hopefully that was just a fluke.  Although I am starting to think that being on call is always going to cost me money because something always seems to go wrong.  Hopefully this is just two times of coincidence and this doesn’t become a frequent pattern.

I was able to enjoy Comedy Wednesday and only had the 1 interruption.  Today is phone day meaning that I spend the bulk of my day on the phone waiting for people to call in with problems.  I have been running around here chasing my tail, plus trying to keep up with the phones.  It is making for a very busy day and I suspect its going to pass right on by quickly, which is fine by me.  I am staying late tonight and reminded all of the children last night and again this morning.  I don’t know if they understood me but I know their stomachs will come normal feeding time which will be off by a 1/2 hour to 45 minutes provided that traffic is moving at a reasonable pace.  It’s already time to go back, see what I mean about time flying by.  Talk with you peeps later.   

Things are popping

Last night I came home and started my usual routine, while I was feeding the children we all heard what was a loud pop.  It sounded like someone was in the house.  I knew that wasn't the case but still we all went to investigate.  The girls changed their mind once I put the food down.  Funny how that affected their decision.  Anyway nothing found everything is okay.  So chalk it up to unknown and move on.  

There were a couple calls last night but the one for me wasn't urgent so I left it for the morning crew to pick up.  There was another one for the "other side" and no one picked it up, not my worry.  I got an e-mail in the middle of the night and outside of that it waas quiet.  That is until Breakfeast.  A receptionist locked herself out of her account, so here I am eating breakfeast trying to login on my laptop and fix this.  It was a cluster.  I had to go to the basement and get on my desktop, got the job done and moved on.  I was late in leaving because of this and didn't get to eat my full breakfast but so be it, I can stand to lose weight.  

Then I am in the car hit the button for the garage and nothing happened.  Then I hit it again and I hear it but nothing is happeneing.  Turns out that pop we heard last night was the garage door spring, it spring!  So thankfully the truck was in the driveway, so I just went back in picked up the keys for it and left through the front door.  I wasn't happy but at least I made it to work on time.  

I called for repair person to come so my car is no longer held hostage.  They will be out this afternoon between 4p and 8p.  I hope its closer to 4p.  In any event I will be leaving work early to take care of this.  I certainly could do without having to take my time and having to shell out more money but it's the joy of home ownership.  I got the approval from the boss.  It probably helped that I agreed to stay late tomorrow night to help cover the phones, it's holiday party time.  

Things are really slow here but that doesn't mean that they won't pickup.  Support comes in waves and you have rest and then there is high tide time!  

It also doesn't help that my body is telling me that it's sick or in the process of dealing with some bug.  Thankfully I have steroids so if things get too out of control I can always take them.  I am finishing up my antibiotics so I don't see how I could possibly get anything but who knows, we all know that my luck isn't exactly the best.  

I just hope that this is the worst of it now.  It's been calm and quiet for a little bit and that is the way I woud like for it to stay for quite sometime.  Just because that is what I want doesn't mean it's what I will get.  Life just seems to happen.  

Outside of that there isn't anything else going on, which is probably a good thing.  Now off to occupy my time during my morning phone shift.  It's only a couple hours long and since I am leaving early there won't be an afternoon shift for me.  Kind of nice when you think about it.  Too bad this couldn't happen on a Tuesday then I could at least had Taco Tuesday :)   

Happy Wednesday, thankful to have made it this far.  I pray that things will remain calm and quiet and that Monday gets here quickly.  Take care!

Sleepy

The night started off with a call around 7:30p and it was as simple as unlocking an account.  Then all quiet until around 11p when an e-mail came in that was for the morning shift.  Nothing to do but roll over and go back to bed.  Then another call came in around midnight and another one at 1 and believe it or not another one at 2 all of these were AM and thankfully they didn't require me to do anything but roll over and go back to sleep.  Then 5am hit and the phone went crazy again nothing for me to do, but as you can see there were constant interuptions to my sleep.  Is it any wonder that I feel tired this morning?  

Good  news is that the massage lady is here this afternoon.  I am on the list.  I stopped by the bank last night to pickup some cash so I am prepared for today.  I am so looking forrward to this as my shoulders and neck have been bothering me.  If she does a good enough job perhaps I will be able to fall asleep, but that is kind of doubtful because she always finds a knot and then just pounds on it so I stay awake and find myself holding my breath.

Considering that I am expecting money in the mail I am watching it like a hawk.  I stopped by last night and was upset to see a card from the Vetinary Teaching Hospital.  It seems as if my vet made a contribution to them in the name of BLU on my behalf.  Now I have no idea how much money they gave them but you can be damn sure it was my money they gave away and not theirs.  The gesture is nice but if they would have told me about it up front that would have gone over better.  I could raise a ruckus but really don't think that would do me any good.  I am sure to mention it in a future vet visit.  Leave off the extras for me I am a poor working man and can't afford the extras.  If I could afford them then I wouldn't be working.  

I also got my next months mortgage bill as well as a welcome packet from my new mortgage company.  They want to make sure that I list them as the leinholder on the property, which I took care of last night with an e-mail to my insurance agent.  Already heard back from him this morning and it's a done deal.  Now if we could just get the Quit Claim Deed figured out that would be superb.  The guy at the mortgage company I went through has already gotten his money and says that he is working on it but I honestly don't think that he is.  The transaction hasn't been recorded with the county so far as I know and that could be a problem when it comes time for the property taxes to be paid.  

When I was at the grocery store on Sunday I bought what I thought were Pumkin Muffins but they turned out to be Orange Cranberry.  I am not a fan of the Cranberry but Orange Cranberry is good stuff.  I had 2 of the 4 muffins last night.  

There you have my evening.  I hope tonight is just as uneventful but that I get less sleep interuptions.  The on-call thing isnt bad during the week, typically.  It's the weekends that suck.  I will just be a happier person when it's all over with.

Oh yeah Bear's diahrea is back.  He is really a mess and wasn't too happy when I went to clean him up, because all of that crap was dried in his fur and if you start ripping fur out he cries because well it's attached and it hurts.  He has a high tolerance but once you cross it you are done!  He is pretty well clean now but could use a nice refreshing shower.  Most cats hate water and mine are no exception to that.  However, in my book I talk about 'The Devil Cat' he loved water because he was raised around it.  After my late partner would finish showering he would jump in the tub and play with thee water and chase it down the drain.  He was a total goofball when it came to water. 

So Tuesday is forging forward and the 2 things I look forward to are 1 my massage and 2 going to bed. I already started my day by talking to one of our crab ass users, hopefully that is not an omen as to what is in store for me.

Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.  

Surpprise

I was very surprised this morning when I logged on to Amazon and put in the title of my book (The Real Life Odd Couple) and it came up and is listed For Sale.  Wow so now the world know all about it.  Doesn't mean anyone will purchase it but the odds are greater.

Last night went pretty well in getting ready for bed but Bear and his diahrea came back.  I wasn't too thrilled about that but at least I didn't clean the carpets this weeekend.  I actually saw him in the litter box yesterday afternoon and told him what a good boy he was.  I cleaned him up both times and all is well.  Marvin came in last night to sleep with me.  I have to trim his claws because he just loves to claw my hand.  The problem is he does that and then my hands form an allergic reaction and it itches and burns at the same time.  It's not the greatest feeling in the world.  Marvin likes affection for attention.  He hates to be brushed or given medicine but if you just want to pet or cuddle with him he is total game.  He even meows before he eats dry food and if I don't pet him he won't eat it.  He also isn't extremly fond of wet food but will eat it on occasion.  

This morning I managed to get out of the house but I left later than normal.  Still made it to work with plenty of time to spare.  That is the really strange thing if nothing is going in the morning I can usually leave whenever and all is okay.  If there is a meeting planned or something I need to do well then traffic is all messed up.  I guess it's just Murphy following me.  

It is very quiet here for a Monday, I won't say that too loud but the phone volume is down, I took 2 calls over the course of 2 and a half hours.  I hope that it stays this way all week.  It wiill make for a long week but better to be bored and quiet than crazy and noisy.  I also hope the same is true for after hours.

So I am bored and thought why not blog.  I am using my iPad.  Well so much for bordem no sooner than I typed that I had a few things break and had to tend to them.  That is a good thing in that it helps pass the time and brings me closer to lunch which ultimatley brings me closer to going home.  I would say quitting time but there is no quit when your on-call.

I did some redecorating at home.  I found a ceramic cross that used to belong to my grandparents.  I cleaned it up and hung it up next to our Civil Union License.  My late partner loved Jessie Barnes who is better known as The Light Painter.  His work is similar to the widley known Thomas Kincaid.  He bought 2 prints, one for each of us to hang above our beds.  I moved his print to the living room and I will say it makes the place look better.  I'm very happy with the choices I made.  All be it subtle but they are noticable by me.  I don't plan on anything drastic changing because that would upset the cats too much, they don't like change.  In any case I am making it more my home now but there will still be the foundation that it was our home.  There is a whole lot to do on that front.  I can only move so fast because it's still painful and I am also lazy.  

Looking forward to Thursday when our massage lady is here.  My  shoulder and neck are all jacked up and I could use some releif.  That is all I know at the moment.  Talk with you peeps later.  

Big Risk

I made it to the Christmas party and sat around and talked a little bit.  I put my name in for a door prize and won a 15 minute massage, which will come in handy by Thursday!  When things were winding down I got a to go container and filled it up with plenty of food.  There was tons left and they were going to throw it all away.  Lots of people were in line filling containers. 

People started to leave and the girl who does catering for meetings approached me and asked me if I was married.  I told her no.  Then she said have you ever been married.  I paused and said no.  A Civil Union is in my state is considered to be a marriage but it is in fact doesn’t have the word Marriage in the title.  Then she said I think that so and so has a crush on you and you talk all the time, I think she would like it if you were her boyfriend.  Well, first of all the lady she is referring to is old as in old enough to be a grandma.  I just told her sorry but that won’t happen.  She said why?  I paused again and said no one knows this, so you will be the only person in the entire company to know but I’m gay and she came back with me too.  Then she told me that she always thought that I was gay.  She tells me that she feels drawn to me and that she thinks highly of me and that I rock as the IT Guy.  You know I have heard what an awesome job that I am doing but her comments really drove how appreciated I am, which made me feel good and like I really did find a home.  So in other words, don’t screw it up.  Anyway, she said why are you single.  I said because my partner died last year.  Oh my God then she couldn’t stop hugging me, it was multiple hugs like every two or three words.  Then we went outside and stood in the drizzle and talked some more and she hugged me even more.  Holy crap.  So she asked me if I ever went out and I said no not really.  She wants to take me to the gay bars and she wants me to come to church with her and her girl.  She gave me her phone number and told me to text her.  I did but I waited until today to do it.  I meant to do it yesterday but time just got away from me.  I hope that I didn’t make a huge mistake.  I know I said I wasn’t going to tell anyone but I figured that my response would have stopped her dead in her tracks, instead it had the opposite effect. She was surprised that I am looking for someone and that I was on Grindr.  I told her you can only find one thing via the app and that is dick, if your looking for something else well you will have a long time to wait, if you ever find anything.  I told her how down on the apps I was, which is why she wants to get me to a gay bar.  Oh joy.  I just hope that she keeps my secret a secret and that I didn’t just blow my cover.

I went to therapy on Saturday morning and told my therapist all about it.  Plus we talked about my depression and the holidays.  It’s totally normal what I am going through.  She is very concerned that I might have been plotting on how to end my life.  I’ve already thought that out and there are multiple plans that I have but I haven’t shared that with her because they are not something that I plan on acting out or even remotely trying.  But for the fact that I lost my partner and we are in the middle of the holiday season life is otherwise grand. 

Yesterday I treated myself in the evening to a date night with myself.  I went to see Horrible Bosses 2 and it was fun at the end but getting there was very painful.  I just wanted to smack those 3 jug heads they were getting on my last nerve.  Afterwards I went to a local pasta restaurant.  I ordered Spaghetti and Meatballs.  This place operates like a Chinese Restaurant, in that minutes after you order your food is sitting in front of you.  I had two huge meatballs a small amount of pasta and then it was covered in a combo tomato and cream sauce.  Holy cow was it good.  Then they managed to talk me into having a cannoni for desert.  The only thing missing was a cherry on each end, it was amazing and added $4 to the bill.  They take a lot of labor to make but it really pays off in the end!

I did cat food shopping yesterday as well and didn’t see the guy that works there, that I met via Grindr.  I also haven’t heard from him.  That is not a total surprise.  However, if things go too much longer with no phone call then I will know that he truly wasn’t interested.  Right now he is still in school and will graduate this week.  So since that is what he was using as an excuse I am hoping that he calls either later this week or next week.  This week I can’t do anything with anyone because I am on-call as of tomorrow night at 7pm.  As you can well imagine I am not looking forward to it but it is part of my job.  I did track things this week and honestly the holidays I think helped a bit because there wasn’t much activity.  That is of course no guarantee that I won’t get slammed to the wall, but I’d like to think that it offers at least a glimmer of hope.  I am leaving my laptop at home so that in case a call comes in I don’t have to rush to the basement to deal with it.  I can just sit here at the kitchen table and take care of things.  I pray that nothing screws up my Comedy Wednesday!

I have recorded or so I think I have the New Now Next Awards that were on Logo about an hour ago.  I saw teasers for it on Facebook from LOGO and the one thing that sold me was Darren Criss nearly naked, yeah that is a good reason to tune in!

I slept in this morning and went back to Cracker Barrel for Breakfast.  If you go there don’t have the Berry French Toast it is horrible.  This coming from a person who likes Blue and Black berries.  I should have stuck with my usual Blueberry Pancakes.  They also have something new right now for winter called a Cinamon Drop Biscuit.  I highly recommend that, you can get them with a meal or just by themselves.  I was lucky in that my waitress forgot to charge me for mine.  Yummy for free.  Then I shuffled off to the grocery store where I was once again raped of my hard earned cash at the register.  Mucinex and Air Fresher were the two high price items that I got.  Both of which I am sure I could get on line for much cheaper.  It’s just that on-line well that bills to a credit card and right now I am trying to stay away from using credit at all costs.  My goal is to get out of debt and not deeper in.

I need to shave and take my extra dose of sleeping medication so that I am out like a light at least before 11p.  Tomorrow is going to suck because it’s Monday but outside of that it will suck just to get going again and then having to be on-call will add a little more suck.  The best news is that it’s only for a week and then I get my life back for what is left of this year and that to me is a very good thing!

All of the children are doing okay.  They have gotten their fair share of food and attention.  We have slept together and taken naps together.  Now the fun is over and it’s back to the working world.  I really would like to see The Interview on Christmas Day, so that might be an excuse to get away from my friends house.  Of course I can go the day after as well but traffic will be horrible because that is the day everyone starts their returns.

I still have Christmas shopping to do.  I need to buy for my friends that feed me at Thanksgiving & Christmas, plus my mom and brother.  After that I am done.  I did do some looking tonight for some items that I would like a fitness bracelet and a WII, both of which I found to be very reasonably priced on Amazon.  I didn’t order just looked. 

There you have it my weekend from the time the party started until Sunday evening when I am prepping for Monday morning.  I hope this is a good and fast moving week.  Take care and be kind to each other.  

Friday

Why hello there!  Sorry it’s been a couple days since you have heard from me.  I got a surprise at work yesterday …. 3 new people all starting today (Friday).  I had to really hustle to get 3 machines built and configured.  Plus there is the little matter of setup.  I made it but it literally took me all day yesterday.  No one had names in the morning when this was announced so that caused me to have to image machines twice because on our network we are not able to just rename a workstation.  It messes with proprietary software and causes all sorts of chaos, so I am told.  Not sure that I buy into that.

I have been trying to get an answer of where my money is from the overage on the loan pay off.  I called the previous lender today and they have so far sent me a check for $50.  However, they are still holding the bulk of the money because it hasn’t been 30 business days.  I am looking into the legal aspect of when by law they have to return my money.  I have no problem in going after them if they are outright blatantly attempting to skirt the law, I hate them so much!  Meanwhile I learned that they plan to give me extra money that my current lender didn’t know about, so it looks like if all goes right I will gain an additional $300.  That is almost worth waiting for.

Today at work I got a letter which was our annual holiday gift.  They gave us $100 on a debit card.  We have to pay taxes on it, but still it’s a nice gesture.  The bastard I used to work for gave cash and there were no taxes.  His rule of thumb was $100 for each year you have been with the company.  Last year I got $300 but was only there for 2 years.  Apparently he was feeling generous or trying to make up for treating me so crappy.  Not sure which one is the case and really don’t care. 

Now I have a huge desire to go out to eat but so many places pop up in my mind.  We are having our annual holiday party and the office is pretty well shutdown.  I am still here and just plan on treating it like a normal day.  The holiday party is a bit much.  I am not a social type person and also afraid that it might trigger some depression.  So I just do my little thing here and go home.  That is unless my boss tells me otherwise.  I haven’t brought it up to her and don’t plan on it.  I know that lots of people will be expecting me at the party but honestly better if I just stay put.

Tomorrow is counseling day, looking forward to it.  I will be giving away the last copy of my book that I have.  I have more copies coming but the folks at LULU wrote the other day to tell me they are just super swamped right now, so there will be a slight delay.  Not a problem.  I can wait.  Of the 2 reviews I have received, both were glowing and good.  I hope to hear from a few more people but not sure if things will play out the way I want them to.

I’ve got a printer to setup this afternoon and then all of the heavy lifting around here is done for the time being.  I’m sure more will come my way, things are never dull for long around here. 

Bear appears to be better, but I believe he peed on the rug last night.  I smelled fresh urine as I climbed the stairs and that is the 1st indication.  I passed out treats as if nothing was wrong and I didn’t go looking to find out, because I didn’t want to deal with it.  I have had a knot in my neck and upper back that has been driving me crazy.  I know it’s all stress related because that is where all of the stress goes is to my shoulders and my neck.  Anyway, I took 1/2 of a muscle relaxer last night and I so didn’t want to get up out of bed.  I was thankful that I only took 1/2 because I know the whole pill would knock me out for a very long time, there would be no getting up.  I also slept alone last night, that doesn’t happen often but it was nice but a little lonely.  Marvin hung out with brother Bear last night – those two are really something else.  You can tell they love each other.  I am glad that Momma had 2 boys and 2 girls, they tend to stick together and the boys gang up on the girls and vice versa.  Poor LB he is just stuck in the middle and he gets it from both ends but overall he is very well liked which is highly unusual – but it’s been like that for a very long time.  Everyone needed time to adjust but once they got it, he is like a friend.  He is no stranger to begging.  Last night I had a couple bites of ice cream, there he was by my side, waiting for his turn.  Sorry he didn’t get a turn, he wasn’t too happy about that. 

I watched a really good movie last night, Christmas with the Kranks.  It had Tim Allen in it and was made back in 2004.  Still it was a very good movie.  Never heard of someone skipping Christmas but honestly I would be okay with it.  In my case it’s not to drudge up the fact that I am all alone.  I do amaze myself in that I reflect on where I was and where I am today.  I can’t imagine how I have managed to make it when everything was against me, but here I am.  For that I am thankful. 

We had some BBQ Chicken Kabobs, cookies, fruit and salad left from a cancelled meeting.  I had 2 kabobs and damn they were really good.  Peppers and the Chicken pieces were wrapped in Bacon and then the whole thing was smothered with BBQ sauce.  Oh my I could eat like that for a while before I would get tired.  I had yogurt and fruit from my lunch.  That is it.  Just got the word from my boss to get out and go to the party.  Gee just what I didn’t want to do.  It’s a crappy rainy day and I would honestly love to stay put or even just go home.  Ah well I always do what I am told even if I don’t like it. 

That is a wrap on with my afternoon.  Hope you all have a nice weekend.  Talk with you peeps later.

Made it

So it took a little effort but I made it in.  Things were crazy this morning, playing catch up is never fun.  Plus everyone saw I was back so I had a lot of people asking questions.  One guy even asked if I would work on his home system.  I declined, it’s better that way because once you touch a system, people tend to blame you for every little thing that goes wrong with it.  I don’t want to be hounded and to take on that level of responsibility. 

One of the people that used to work here (she was let go about a month ago) was murdered over the weekend.  It’s just a crazy world, you never know when or if your number is up. 

I did enjoy Tosh.O last night with the children.  Bear has learned a new trick, how to crap on the wall.  I am not exactly happy about that but I deal with it.  Poor thing has diarrhea.  Not exactly sure why because he is getting his medicine and his diet hasn’t changed.  He may just need a break from the medicine, hopefully it clears up fast because that is no fun.  He came in my room last night, I cleaned him up but boy he smelled.  I had to spray some air freshener and eventually I became nose blind to it. 

Friday is the office Christmas party.  Considering that I was off for 2 days I don’t think I am asking about going.  It starts early in the afternoon and goes until 5pm.  Free food which is always a good thing.  But it is at a place away from the office.  I honestly don’t want to go but I think if I did ask to go that it would be pushing it, my boss may think differently.  I don’t plan on finding out.  Unless someone says something I plan on treating it like a normal work day.  It’s just that it will get quiet around here early.  Not a bad thing. 

The people that helped with the loan finally cashed their check for the funding of the escrow account.  I am still waiting on my refund.  I have asked about it but no word yet.  I also haven’t heard anything from my local Recorders Office that makes the official record of the transfer.  I brought that up as well and am still waiting to hear about it.  I suspect since they got paid and have sold the loan they really could care less.  I will be calling the old mortgage company inquiring about the refund if it doesn’t show up in the next day or so. 

I have this pain in my neck, like there is a knot between my neck and shoulder.  Great day for a massage to get it worked out.  Problem is there is no massage therapist here on a Wednesday.  She always comes on a Thursday and we usually have a sign up sheet out by now.  I don’t think she will show until next Thursday, which is okay by me.  I will get it worked out. 

Tonight is comedy Wednesday …. The Goldbergs, Modern Family and The Middle.  Hopefully it will be a barrel of laughs or at least a good time.  I am still mulling over what I want to eat for supper.  The children I am sure will be elated to see me and think that I have starved them to death.  There is enough food to make it to the end of the week, provided they play their cards right.

This morning I had to pass out a couple of extra cans because Insty & Bear didn’t really care for what I gave them.  They know I will give in because I am scared to death that someone is going to stop eating.  Eat up, I’d rather pay a food bill than a Dr. bill any day of the week.  Food is much, much cheaper and you get more of it for your money than you would a doctor bill.

Well I have to run.  Just wanted you to know that I am back in the saddle so to speak and looking forward to the weekend.  Talk with you peeps later.

One more day

Last night I got a call from a friend of mine telling me that she was in the hospital.  She couldn’t talk long because she was getting upset easily and was in for heart issues.  She was crying at one point and had to end the call.  I had dreams of her dying and was thinking about her even when I wasn’t awake.  Needless to say it didn’t make for a productive nights sleep.  I had enough I could have gone in but decided well, take one more day.  Be lazy and enjoy the company of the cats.

I did the Doctor On Demand with my phone.  The Dr. I spoke with didn’t want to give me antibiotics.  She said that just because you see yellow flem it doesn’t mean there is an infection.  Research proves it, she said.  However, after we bantered back and forth, she called something in for me.  She said wait 7 days and if your no better then take it.  Oh, okay sure thing.  Fuck that I started on the medicine right away.  I don’t want this to linger – I want to get rid of it. 

I also had to hit up the pharmacy for Lucky.  There is a very hot short guy that works there.  He is pumping iron and looking oh so fine.  However, I saw a wedding ring so I didn’t even ask.  Just got her medicine and left.

I saw a couple movies today.  One of which was Father of The Year.  It had Robin Williams in it.  I couldn’t bring myself to watch it for a while because of Robin’s passing, it just didn’t seem right.  However, it is a good film.  If you recently lost someone probably best to watch it with a box of tissues.  There is humor in it but there is also some profound sadness.  It’s on Amazon Prime and NetFlix.  Amazon isn’t playing well with me so I had to switch to NetFlix. 

While my body may in fact be suffering from an infection, what I am dealing with is depression.  It took me until just a few moments ago to realize that.  I have no desire to do anything.  No sex drive but if I see a cute guy I of course notice.  I tried to talk myself into McDonald’s for lunch but decided it would be better to go home and eat something there.  I wound up eating chips and drinking a soda.  I had Lasagna and Chocolate Cake for supper, along with a couple more sodas.  I just feel like I have done so much and kept going but the reality of things hasn’t changed.  I am still all alone, the one person on earth that I loved more than anything or anyone is gone and not returning.  While it sounds simple it is rather hard to wrap my mind around it.  All I want to do is just die.  People tell me that I look so happy when in reality inside I am not happy at all.  Sure I have my moments and right now depression is winning.  Tomorrow I have no choice I have to go back or I will screw up my holiday vacation.  So while I will probably have another bought of depression as we get closer to the holidays I will somehow have to shake it off and keep on going.  I can pretend and not focus on it but that only goes on for so long.  So I realize I have a problem and staying home won’t make it go away.  Going to work won’t make it go away.  I just have to deal with it by trying to shake it off.  It’s understandable to experience this with everything being still very new, in 4 more months I will be marking the 2 year anniversary of his passing.  It still feels like yesterday! 

My goals for this year were to get a new job and to get the house.  I’ve accomplished both.  Now I have to keep the new job and the house – the only way I know how by going to work, which is rather easy once you get into the routine, but once you stop well it’s hard as hell to get going again.  I will get there, as I have no choice.

My goals for next year are to try to be happier, to build my savings and to get a guy.  Not sure if I will succeed, but I have to try. 

In other news I mailed a friend a copy of my book, I went out of my way to a post office that I know gives great turn around time.  She still hasn’t gotten it yet.  I am starting to wonder if it’s lost or if it’s on it’s way back to me because of postage.  Ironically this is the same friend who is in the hospital.  I knew I should have just driven it out to her but I took the lazy and much cheaper way out.  I have put copies in the mail to a couple of other folks and thus far nothing has been returned.  I have to presume that the mail is just slower right now because of the holiday and all of the greeting cards and packages floating in the system.  Hopefully she gets it soon.  I’d like to write another book just tossing around ideas for content.  If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Well it’s about time to go scoop the litter boxes and pass out treats – that is the one bad thing about being home.  They all expect lunch and if I let them they would con me out of a snack as well.  I tried to stay on the couch and not move as much as possible.  If they think I am asleep or if they fall asleep they won’t beg me.  Sneaky I know.  I will miss them tomorrow but the show must go on.  Not looking forward to it but hopefully it helps my mood and my health.  Friday we are having a holiday party and they are shutting the office down.  I really would prefer to just come home and relax.  I am not one for socializing at work but it might just turn out to be a good time. 

Say a prayer for me, better yet make it 2!  Talk with you peeps later.

Sick Day

I woke up at 5am and had to blow my nose.  Rather uncommon!  So I did and after that I had to do it again.  I was able to get back in bed, but had to do it again.  I tried to go back to sleep but that didn’t work.  So I got up fed everyone including myself and then took the day off from work.  I popped a Benadryl along with all of my other daily meds and went back to bed.  I fell asleep pretty quickly.  I woke up and was drenched, which is a normal reaction for my body.  I fired up the electric blanket and went back to bed.  It was like 11 or 12 when I rolled out of bed.  Prior to returning to bed I put my phone on Do Not Disturb but forwarded my calls to my home # just in case some emergency came up.  I did get a call but it looked like a wrong # so I didn’t answer and they didn’t leave a message. 

I had a Chicken Pot Pie for lunch.  I really didn’t want to eat at all but it was okay.  I laid around and watched stuff off of Netflix.  I switched over to Amazon and had a fight on my hands all day long.  I watched Kramer Vs. Kramer but it took me all day to do it.  Wow, I was only 8 years old when that movie came out.  I remember my grandmothers hairdresser saying how provocative the movie was and that kids shouldn’t see it, etc. That has made me want to watch it ever since, like I was missing something.  No I really didn’t miss anything.  There was some good acting going on but it was all about hurt and a little boy trapped in the middle of a custody battle.  I did like the part where Dustin Hoffman said I will have a job in 24 hours after he just got fired.  That took some drive and it was pretty close to Christmas.  Nothing like that would happen today unless it was a miracle.

Speaking of being fired, that is on my mind since I called in.  I mean I have time but this is like the 3rd time I have called in since I started.  I guess being raised Catholic plus not exactly having a good track record with previous employers it’s a fear that I suppose will always be with me.  I don’t think I have anything to worry about but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.  I must say that I picked a good day to call in because we had some rain over night and everything was a sheet of ice.  If I feel bad tomorrow I won’t push it and will stay home, but will also seek some form of medical care be it an office visit to my doctor or going to the doctor via video camera.  I would much rather go in because things are just stacked up waiting for me and the only way to stay on top of things is to be there to do the work.

Right now I feel okay, I think this was more of an allergy thing or at least hope it was.  I can stay home 1 more day without screwing up my holiday vacation.  Plus we had a small battle this afternoon about who is on-call.  My boss needed someone to volunteer and since no one did she moved everyone’s on-call time up by a week, but then out of no where people volunteered.  I dodged a bullet because I am on next week and if I was on this week that would have screwed up my therapy appointment on Saturday.

Just me and the kids today and they took full advantage of me, worming me out of extra food and of course getting their fair share of attention.  Ruth & Marvin have been hibernating all day, which is normal for them.  I don’t like to see that but I guess it’s what they are comfortable with.  Ruth will come alive tonight and of course tomorrow morning, provided that I leave and go to work. 

Staying home is very boring and all I wanted to do was eat, but things that weren’t good for me.  I did polish off all of the Turkey day stuff, except for what is left of a piece of Chocolate Cake.  It all was pretty good and I am honestly thankful that it’s gone.  Back to regular food!  The holidays have me depressed and missing my guys, that being BLU and my former partner.  Plus I changed things up on the dating apps thinking that would get me some responses but nope.  I am just so lonely, which is all the more reason to want to go back to work and be around people, especially ones who know my name.  There is also a sexual component but the main thing is just companionship.  I long to find my special someone.  I think I have done a good job of holding things together but honestly it feels like its all going to fall apart any minute now.  All of this is depression and I suppose part of the grieving process.  I long to go back to the good times but also long to move forward and make new good times. 

So 4 more days to go and then we have the weekend.  My last weekend of freedom for a week.  As I mentioned next week I am on-call and so not looking forward to it.  Hopefully, it will be quiet.  I of course will be paying attention to how things go this week and hope that everything is smooth sailing.  It will be my last time on-call this year.  Then we have to wait and see what the boss comes up with for a schedule.  I just hope I am not back on for a while, a two month or longer break would be awesome. 

Back to TV and trying to find some entertainment.  Talk with you peeps later.

Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend

As I figured they didn’t let us go early, but I did manage to skate out a couple minutes early and it felt really good! No one was around, the garage was almost empty, traffic was moderate but there really weren’t any major problems. The commute home took less than normal and I was able to get home and see all of my furry family.

Thanksgiving, I decided to send out text messages to those people who mattered to me. I was surprised both in a good and bad way by the response and lack of response I got. I got all dressed up and put on the bow tie. I thought it looked really good. I didn’t know my friend was also going to wear one. His was real and manually tied, looked great. Plus he had cuff links on, so while I make more money he has a better fashion sense. We had to wait for our table because we showed up early. I had to finally say something; turns out they forgot we were there. We got seated as soon as I voiced my complaint. I said it was no big deal, I mean only 15 minutes extra. It was their busiest day of the year and I certainly understood. The 4^th person cancelled because she was ill. So it was just the 3 of us and it was a really good time. Last year we got extra pasta. This year we got extra desert. A Pumpkin Praline Cheesecake and an Extra Chocolate Cake. We all took it easy on the entire meal and none of us left stuffed. We had plenty of leftovers, of which they gave most of them to me.

I gave my friends the book and it was very much of a surprise to them. Not sure if/when they will read it but we will check in again at Christmas time. They are going to have me over just don’t know what they are going to do for food. I found out not to purchase what I was going to give them as a gift this year, because they already got it. Good things to know! I think I am going with a gift card be it MasterCard or Visa. The night ended very late and I came home to put the leftovers away, feed the family and call it a night.

I woke early on Friday morning because Momma and I had a date at the vet. I got her all packaged up and took her over. She was really pissed off at me, but didn’t fight me at all. When we got there I found out that the vet I wanted to see was out sick. Damn. So I got a new guy. Fudge! He was hot. I am not one for bearded men but he could have rocked my world. I should have asked him out but thought that it would be a little awkward. So I found out that Momma has a flea allergy. She has been started on steroids just like her sons. It’s a very small dose that should provide great relief. I also put some flea medicine on her. I think the fleas are on Ruthie so I got her a dose of the flea medicine too but I know it didn’t soak in really good, she squirms too much. They didn’t take blood from Momma which I was thankful for. They just called in the script to the pharmacy and I will be able to pick it up next week. Turns out they overcharged me for BLU and I had a small credit on my account and there is still a little bit left. I’d sooner have it on my credit card but I know I will use it eventually.

I spent the remainder of the day napping on and off as well as cleaning out the closet in my office. I had a huge mess and while I got rid of lots of clothes and cardboard, there is clearly more to dispose of. I got 2 large bags of trash and 2 large bags of shirts. The shirts I took over to Goodwill today (Saturday). I was amazed at the number of things I came across. I haven’t made it to the file cabinet yet but had plenty to shred from the closet. I found records from my old doctor of which I no longer need. I shredded them!

Friday I managed to get all new bed clothes on and even broke out the electric blanket. That will feel good on a cold night. Clearly we are at that time of year. I took a shower and have wanted to wear a jock for a while. They normally aren’t my thing but I decided to give it a go. I was able to find content on the TV that occupied my time while the sleeping medication did its thing!

Saturday morning I woke up early to let the cats out. Then back to bed and I slept in until 10am. Wow that is really late for me. I threw on some clothes, fed the cats and left. I headed to the hair cut store and spent a fair amount of time there. Then I hit up the expense grocery store to get my Oatmeal and some bakery goods. I thought for sure they would have Steak N Shake in the freezer but nope, they didn’t. I left there and got the mail, then on to Goodwill and to the cat food store.

While I was at the cat food store the guy from Grindr showed up and we chatted a bit. He was a fair distance away from me. I let the person who was ringing me up do their thing and I said I would be right back. I boldly walked up to him and handed him my phone number that I had been carrying in my wallet for weeks. I wasn’t nervous, didn’t hesitate – just did it. He said thanks. Now the next move is up to him. If he calls great, if he doesn’t call that is okay as well. At least I will know. Then I went back to pay for my purchase and the guy said that will be $121. WTF. I knew right away there was a problem. I paid and then went over the receipt. He charged me for 6 cat litters, I bought 2. He rang up one by itself and then decided to charge me for 6 on the next one. I had to go back and get a refund and they even screwed that up. I got some of my money back but not all of it. I wasn’t going to argue over it, and waste more of my day. It’s like $12 or $13. I just don’t think I will get litter there any longer. I wrote the company via e-mail and sent in a copy of my receipt; let us see what their next move will be.

I came home put away everything. Had to feed the kids and then took to laundry, posting my purchases and goofing off on the internet. We got a late nap. The weather was great today so much that I had the place airing out most of the day, were talking 60’s. It won’t be that way tomorrow.

I’ve been peeking at my blood sugar and the results are not good. I know it’s only hurting me but I have a very close relationship with all of the foods that I know I should avoid. I need me a man who can fix a balanced meal and then things will get on track. Problem is there are no good prospects at the moment. I am thinking of re-doing my profiles and updating my photo. Not sure if it will do any good but it can’t hurt.

During Thanksgiving my one friend said to me that now I am free to live a life of my own. I was living the life of my late partner. Her saying those words to me were like a wakeup call. It’s something that I had known for a very long time but I repressed it. Wow, she is right I can do what I want, go where I want to, etc. Maybe what I did was bad for me but I did get a lot of good out of it and I was happy, with the exception to dealing with all of his medical issues. That kept me on edge for many years. I figured it would be the cancer that got him but nope that didn’t stop him at all. I suddenly feel alive, a little depressed but very much alive.

Well we made it to Sad Sunday. I left my door open last night and was surrounded by cats all night long. Damn, makes it so uncomfortable to sleep. I finally had to switch beds. I slept in what was my late partner’s bed and really didn’t want to leave that bed! I rolled out of bed at 10am. Kind of late for a Sunday but it was nice. I made it to breakfast and the grocery store. I finished up the laundry. I don’t have everything done that I wanted to do, but there will be another break at Christmas time and as if that isn’t enough time, one more at New Years. Both of which will be 4 day weekends. Now that is something to look forward to.

So it is time to wrap up this day, take some sleeping medicine and rest because Monday will be calling even though I don’t want to answer, I kind of have to! Hard to believe it will be the 1^st of December! I hope everyone is well and had a great weekend. Take care and I will talk with you peeps later!

The Thankful Post

So we are at that time of year where we gather with friends and family, catch up from the past year, and talk about everything from sports, politics and the happenings in our lives. This year like last I will be gathering with friends at the place where I and my late partner set a tradition that is done year after year. Where else but Maggiano’s Little Italy. This year like last it will be odd that he is not physically there with us to help eat, talk and laugh. I very much miss his company not only at this event but throughout the year. There is no doubt that he had a profound impact on my life. We made many memories over the 20 plus year we were together. There was laughter, shock, awe, sadness, happiness and just the everyday living one day to the next.

This past year has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride, as has been my life since my sweet guy passed away. Looking back on this year I remember profoundly saying last year at the holidays that this would be the year of change. I had to get a new job one way or another. Well I lost my job which gave me more than the motivation to get a new one. There were many interviews, phone calls and letters. Thankfully this job search was short once I was forced into unemployment. I am thankful that I had started months prior because if not for that the search would have gone much longer. I no sooner landed a job and then 3 days later lost it. I had a second offer in the works that I had just turned down, so I revived it and thankfully it worked. I got to travel and see a city that I have always wanted to see. I met lots of new people. Made what I consider a friendship with a co-worker who is smoking hot, but unfortunately straight and we live a million miles apart. Still it was fun to hang out with him, even if for only one night. I got to eat at lots of new places and sample food that I never thought I would have. Like Wild Turkey Meatloaf with Mushroom Gravy. I loved it but unfortunately my stomach did not.

I ventured into the world of dating, via apps on my iPhone. I had my first date, it was not the best but it was a step in the right direction. I met another guy who I quickly determined was not right for me and sent him packing. I am still amazed at myself for this but I managed to muster up the courage to ask a guy out that I like. Not knowing if he was straight or gay, just throwing caution to the wind and asking. I was petrified but went through with it anyway and well he said no. I am still scouring through on-line dating apps for Mr. Right. There are plenty of Mr. Right now’s if all I wanted to do was have a quick hook up. Which I must say has been tempting, there have been some hot young guys there that stir up sexual feelings. However, I shy away from that mostly because I am afraid of what I could pick up along the way and a little fun in bed isn’t worth a lifetime of pain, suffering and worry. I am a monogamous guy and hookups just aren’t my thing.

The one thing that I find is initiating conversation is awkward, once you get past the hard part of starting the conversation the other party is quick to inquire, how old are you and where do you live? The living part is easy and doesn’t seem to bother anyone. It’s when I say I am 43 that people just freak and leave. I am too old. In the gay community life seems to end at age 30 – after that you’re just an old man. This is far from the truth. My late partner said it best, there isn’t anything lonelier than a lonely old queer. Still I get down but manage to somehow get back up again and long to get punched in the face with the same rejection. It’s like the definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Eventually, there has to be a guy for me. Maybe I take a break for a while and then come back to it or maybe I just stick with it. Either way in the end the results should change.

Then we come to the sad part where one of my cats, BLU who had strikes against him after he was born. Someone managed to chop off his tail, shoot him with a BB gun and lord knows what else they did to him. You couldn’t get close to his face w/o him freaking out. TAZ led him to our door some 5 years ago and he’s been a part of our family ever since. I warmed up to him and just this past year learned where his trigger spots were – so I could scratch and send him to pleasureville at will. I also broke down the barrier and could kiss him w/o him freaking out. Claw trimming well that wasn’t fun but we managed to get through it. He did love the brushing. One day he developed a fever and despite all of the medical care and money I threw his way, there was little improvement and there was no figuring out where the fever came from. So I had to say goodbye to him. That still hurts just talking about it. I feel like I gave up but I had to from a financial perspective because it was simply throwing money down the drain with no results or answers. There are endless possibilities of what if’s but no matter what the deal is done and try as I might I can’t bring him back. For the first time I had an animal cremated, which was against my late partners beliefs. Typically we would dig a hole and do a Christian Burial.

Then there is the matter of the house. I’ve been trying for a payment reduction since my late partners’ death and I have filled out countless numbers of paperwork, faxed, emailed and mailed information off. Only to be told no. Last year I applied for a loan in my name but because the person submitting the paperwork didn’t understand the program he thought I qualified for, I didn’t qualify and thus was rejected. This year after my 2 year anniversary out of bankruptcy I applied for a loan in my name. It took 2 months but I finally closed and the place is mine. I got the payment relief that I so desperately needed and will be saving $500 per month. Everyone tells me put the extra money towards the house payment and you will reduce the loan balance. That is a great idea but I need to build a rainy day fund so in case something happens I can survive.

The week after Blu died so did my computer. So I had to purchase a new desktop and go through the joys of working with Windows 8. Everyone says you’re an IT guy so this isn’t supposed to happen to you. Not true. Hard drives have a finite number of years / spins to operate and eventually they go bad. What isn’t supposed to happen to me is data loss. It didn’t happen to me because I backup my data – rebooting and backing up your data 2 things that an IT person will tell you on a frequent regular basis. I am so thankful for backing up my data. I didn’t keep a lot of valuable stuff on my C drive, most of that is on USB drives but I have changed that practice because space has become a concern. When I am able to financially get back on my feet, I will look at getting a couple of larger external drives and then I can go back to that practice.

Since I had gotten a desktop, I decided to spend the extra money and get the laptop that I have wanted for some time. I figured that I went months of scrimping and saving to squeak by and now it was rewards time. The price was right and I moved in. I wish I would have gotten a different model, but I am happy with what I have purchased and find that some of the productivity of Windows 8 is actually useful.

Then my mom got into a car accident and totaled her car. So she is dependent upon other people, like me to cart her to and fro. It gets old for both parties. She is badgering me to sell her my late partners’ truck. I am not going to do that and have told her multiple times but she keeps on asking. My plan is to trade it in once the time is right. Mom can’t see worth a crap, hence the accident and well I don’t want her to wreck this just because there is sentimental value to it. Now if I wreck it, well that is a different story.

So my life probably resembles yours in that there have been many ups and downs. However, my life is probably the exception when it comes to drama. Not that it’s a competition, I would rather not have the drama but it seems to have been following me for a while. Perhaps next year my life will be drama free or drama reduced, either or is fine with me.

I’ve said all that to say that there are many things that I am thankful for and those are in no particular order…..

Life without it I wouldn’t be living. Good Health for allowing me to work and do the things that I want to. Money for without it living would be difficult. Savings while there isn’t much there it’s nice to know if I get into a small bind I have something to rely on. Cats because they provide constant companionship, will listen to you babble on for hours and generally won’t provide any feedback, plus there is unconditional love (so long as you feed the monsters). The house for providing me and my furry family a place to live to weather the many storms of life and to provide security to sleep at night. My vehicles to allowing me to get around to work and the other places that I need & want to go. For my late partner who filled my life with richness, wisdom and companionship that can’t be measured. For my late cat Blu who I know loved me and whom I was able to bring pleasure to. For all of my toys, phones, computers, pron and gadgets. Just makes life a little easier. For the few friends that I have to be able to bounce things off of them, to cry on their shoulders and to help them however I can. For my job – it’s nice not living in constant fear of being fired and wondering if today is your last day. For providing me a very handsome salary, benefits and helping me to see that I can make a difference. For those that I work with in providing me knowledge and for allowing me to impart my knowledge to them. For the whole dating process, I think it makes me stronger even though the rejection does hurt. For Amazon, Netflix, Hulu Plus, On Demand, Cable TV & Internet for providing me hours upon hours of entertainment and evoking many emotions along the way. For teaching me new things and new ways to look at situations. For Audible for letting me peer into to the life of Neil Patrick Harris and for providing entertainment as well as knowledge. Even though our relationship just started I think it will be a long and fruitful one. For any body and anything that I have forgotten because my memory can’t remember everything.

It’s this one time of year that causes us to reflect and look back at the past year to truly take everything in and to be thankful, even if only for food. We all have something to be thankful for. My life if you have been following my blog for any length of time you know is not an easy one. I used to have life by the tail but didn’t realize it. Life threw me a curve ball to wake me up and now I feel like I am really living, despite the losses in my life. I feel more alive than I have ever felt before. So look around, think and I am certain that there are many things that you too can be thankful for too.

I bid you all a very Happy Thanksgiving and a wonderful Holiday Season. Let us not just be thankful one time of year but each and every day. Appreciate those that are around you, the things you have, including but not limited to life and your health. I think that will make us all much richer and better people in the end.

One of my many former employers started a tradition in that every year at Thanksgiving we would all post to a bulletin board at least 1 thing we were thankful for. I have done my best to keep that up every year but digitally or with friends and family.

Office Closed

Yesterday our office was closed due to the recent political case that has sparked controversy across America.  Our management team didn’t get to make this call, the building management made it for them.  They locked the building down and said no one would be allowed to enter.  This gave me a day to myself, which I needed but being human I am greedy and would like another day.  I think its pointless to come back for one day but business is in it for the almighty dollar so here I sit at my desk on what has thus far been a very quiet morning.  They let us wear jeans and there is no charge for that.  Normally on Fridays you can wear jeans for $5 the money goes to a different charity each week.  That is sweet and all but I don’t have money to give away.  I also don’t like being charged to wear my own clothes. So this is the first time I have worn jeans on this job to the office. 

Yesterday I was able to get my car in for service, so the transmission got taken care of.  Of course my wallet was taken advantage of but that was to be expected.  While I was there for the first time they had donuts from a new shop that opened across the street.  I got a Blueberry Cake Donut that was just out of sight.  I could eat a couple more.  That helped to pass the time – it took 2 hours.  Doesn’t seem like a long time until you are the one sitting and waiting.  I also got to call the bank and found that my last car payment is less than a normal payment.  Today is pay day and I actually have enough left over to pay it off early if I wanted to but I am hanging on to my extra money for groceries, cat food and maybe I will be able to save a little bit  I was also able to go to the bar and participate in Taco Tuesday.  I put away 8 tacos that’s 4 soft and 4 hard, which are deep fried.  Yes I was stuffed!

My home loan has been sold so I have a new bank to deal with.  They send monthly statements which I find odd but nice.  I have signed up for on-line access to my account and all appears to be well.  I have scheduled my first payment for Monday.  The due date is still at the 1st of the month with a 15 day grace period, after that look out there are major fees.  Kind of nice because that is how I planned to pay for it.  I am still waiting on my refund from the other lender and I have a sinking feeling that they are going to send it to the Bankruptcy court and not to me.  Time will of course tell.  They have 30 days from the date the loan was paid off to get it to me and time is running out.

I realized that I promised another friend a copy of my book so I had to order some additional proof copies.  My Amazon order came yesterday and I got all but 1 item that I ordered.  I reach out to Amazon and they issued a refund, which is what I asked for.  I will say they have great customer service and yes I am a Prime Member.  I am addicted to 2 day free shipping. 

Last night I spoke with my friends and we have developed our plan of attack for Thursday.  Like last year I will drive to their house, they will drive to pick up a friend of theirs and then we will all arrive at the restaurant at the same time.  I am so looking forward to it.  I haven’t heard from my other friends that I invited and I suspect they aren’t coming.  Another pal of mine said you’d think they would at least call and let you know.  Yeah, they are letting me know by not calling.  I get it. 

So a friends wireless phone went out.  He has been out of contract for 2 years and he went to the AT&T store and got signed up on their next service, which allows him to get a new phone every 2 years.  When he told me this I couldn’t hold my reaction back and said oh no.  That is because when I was there I did the math and I had the same option to consider.  You actually wind up paying double what your phone is worth.  Plus he switched plans away from unlimited everything, which is another huge mistake in my opinion.  He didn’t have money to buy a phone outright, so he did the next thing.  He has a new Nokia Windows Based phone.  I am anxious to see it, not that I am going to switch but new tech is always of interest to me.  I just hate to see him taken advantage of because of his financial status.  He makes far less than I do but has much better benefits and time off than I do.  So in the end it evens out, especially since he has a pension that he will be able to draw from when he retires.  His house is also paid for.  I just think he is in credit card debt up to his ears. 

As we draw closer to the holiday I can’t help but think of my two guys.  First being my late partner and Second being Mr. Blu.  I really wished they were both still here.  They made the house come alive and it’s actually really quiet.  LB is following me around like a lost puppy and always wanting food.  Yesterday I tripped over him and some how managed to chop off 1/2 of a toe nail.  Not the nail bed (thank God) but the actual nail.  I have almost fallen several times because of him.  He gets kicked often because he is in the way and I don’t see him.  That was my late partners only objection to cats.  They love to circle and hand out around your feet.  Driving in today I thought wow tomorrow is Thanksgiving and then it hit me.  You’d think that it would be a little easier since in 5 months or so it will be 2 years.  I also wish that I could tell people here at work, I know everyone would be shocked first that I lost a spouse and second that I am gay.  However, some things are better kept under wraps.  I will be thinking of him tomorrow and there is no doubt that his absence will be felt at the table as we sit and choose what menu items we want.  He always enjoyed looking at the holiday decorations.  He loved food as do I so this I would say was his favorite holiday, I know it is mine.  He liked the leftovers so he would make an entire meal for us to eat at home as well and we would have Turkey for days.  I miss his Turkey Noodle Soup.  It wasn’t the best thing in the world but the effort and love tasted wonderfully.  The more I write the more I kind of think that I took him for granted and didn’t really appreciate him enough.  I guess that is a normal reaction when you are grieving. 

On a different note, the wonder of the day is will they let us go early since it’s the day before a holiday.  I say since we had yesterday off they will make us work the entire day.  If we get to go early they won’t announce it until after lunch and typically they allow everyone to leave 2 hours before their normal end time.  I will happily take what I can get.  Monday I had the worry about what I would do, well that worry soon turned in to all sorts of problems and I found myself crazy busy.  Now, today I feel the quiet, a lot of people are out of the office and call volume will be way down unless of course something major breaks.  So I think today is the day that will drag on forever and that there won’t be much to do.  Well I know that the time will pass eventually.  I am high on sugar right now.  I had a Cinnamon Roll with my breakfast and then a co-worker stopped at a bakery and picked up a cookie with frosting on it.  So once that sugar wears off it will be nap time.  I could get away with that if I stay in the inventory closet, but the consequences are far too great if I get caught so I will stay awake and try to occupy my time.

I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy the rest of the week.  If your crazy enough to go out on Black Friday be careful!  You might get a good deal but that deal isn’t worth your life or a limb.  People get crazy on bargain day.  In fact some stores are even opening later in the day on Thanksgiving.  I think that is totally uncalled for but welcome to the world of retail where cash is king!

Moody Monday

Like most Monday’s I didn’t want to get out of bed, but did.  Morning came all too early.  Last night I watched part of Dallas Buyers Club.  It’s very interesting, I look forward to finishing the movie tonight or at least sometime this week.  I had a Tombstone Chicken Fajita Pizza for supper.  I always put on extra cheese and with this limited edition pizza it was truly a home run.  I ate 1/2 last night and will finish this yummy creation tonight. 

Traffic was light on the commute in, I hope that proves true for the commute home.  Snow that was in the forecast has been taken out, however flurries are listed so I guess that is better than nothing.  My leather jacket is all shiny but a bit too warm this morning for the 41 degree temperature.  I had to have some cold air blowing on me, but it wasn’t ac just outside air  I am strange like that my feet are cold but my head is sweating.  Too bad they don’t make a thermostat for people like me.  It’s times like this that I think I am a woman trapped in a man’s body.

I have the Yanni song Vertigo stuck in my head.  It’s really catchy, look it up on You Tube if you like instrumental/new age music.  The softer sounds are nice for relaxing but for the most part I enjoy the up tempo music  It makes me come alive and even provides energy.  It’s a great way to work, especially if your doing a task that you don’t particularly enjoy.

Last night I gave Bear his bath, just a few wet paper towels and I rub his groin and rear end.  He loves it.  I gave him his medicine and then went about my evening.  He came in my room panting but ready for a belly rub.  I rubbed back a little too far to discover he is in need of yet another bath.  I caught him the other night starting to go on the rug and lifted him up and put him in the litter box.  He completed his task in the litter box.  Wow, he is such a huge responsibility and he seems to always want attention  The problem is he isn’t exactly portable.  Hopefully over the holiday break I will be able to lay down with him and take a nap or at least cuddle for a little while.  I know he will enjoy it.  I worry more often than not that his time will come and I won’t have spent enough time with him.  He knows I love him because of all that I have done and all that I continue to do for him.  Who else would rotate his plate?  Who would bathe him?  Who would give him medicine?  No one, unless they loved him.

My bigger worry is here at work, since it is at least calm now.  I worry that there isn’t going to be much to do today, let alone this week so the days are going to drag by.  I guess only time will tell.  I think that line just jinxed us.  We are big into virtual desktops, I was working along when bam, the machine just went dark.  Soon the calls started pouring in and this apparently happened to everyone.  Well I guess I no longer have to worry.  My machine came back up but when I went to login to Outlook it said the server was unavailable.  Then I went to reboot and now have no desktop.  Hey I am glad I bought this laptop, at least I can goof off.  Now things are back up and everyone is working again, awesome!

Well I made it into my lunch time, so the day is a little over 1/2 way done, which is a very good thing.  I am looking forward to getting home to see the furry clan and enjoy my left over pizza.  Be safe and I will try to do the same.  Talk with you peeps later.