Lazy Saturday

It’s a lazy kick back relax Saturday.  I got up early fed the kids.  Went back to bed, had a bad dream that I was in a car accident trying to pick up my new glasses.  The place was closed and then I woke up in a panic.  Thankfully it was only 9am so I had plenty of time.  Got some breakfast in the kitchen.  Got dressed and went to get my new glasses.  They are okay but it’s really a matter of getting used to wearing these things full time all day long.  I already have a sore spot behind one ear. 

I replaced the headlights as scheduled.  It was a battle because I was doing it all wrong.  I finally broke out my iPhone and looked up a video on-line and found the right way.  That made it so much more easier.  I was done in like 10 minutes and they work.  :)

I thought about going to the auto parts store and taking care of the ones on my car before they blow.  I looked up the video on how to do that and you have to take the entire front grill off and it’s a very elaborate procedure.  I am not mechanically inclined so I am leaving well enough alone.  Next time I am at the dealer I will ask them to replace them, it’s just not a job for an amateur like me to try. 

Got some sleeping medicine in the mail.  My nose spray will be coming on Monday.  All more money to shell out.  I got the kids food and litter dropped $85.  I got to see the hottie that I have a crush on.  He’s in his late 20’s or early 30’s.  Putting on some weight, but he is in no way fat.  I love him bum, it’s just amazing.  Yes he is gay.  I won’t approach him because well it’s awkward and I am more than positive he would shoot me down.  Anyway, it was nice to look and drool.

I made plans to meet a friend for lunch.  We went to Fridays and both had Rubens.  They were pretty good along with a small side salad.  Almost healthy.  I am planning on mac and cheese for supper.

I came home and took a nap.  Then fed the children again.  Retreated to the basement to work on the legal paperwork.  Most of it is done and I am turning in what I have on Monday.  The law firm is in the same building I work in, so no need to waste postage.  I haven’t signed the contract because I have questions.  I want them answered before I turn over rights.  The envelope is sealed and ready to go.  With potential litigation pending I probably shouldn’t switch jobs because if there is a case I will have to take time off for a Deposition and if it goes to trial well there is more time off.  I really don’t want to be stuck at this place but for now it kind of makes sense to stay put unless they throw me out the door.  I have no indication of that, so all should be well.  I just have to mind my P’s and Q’s and lay low – do my job and everything else will fall into place. 

Gassed up my car today and it will sit in the garage until Monday.  I will be taking the truck to get groceries and I have to visit two stores.  My oatmeal is carried at one and the other one well I will get everything else there.  I am sure I will spend way more than I plan on but that’s the way it is. 

Made a pizza last night and ate the whole thing while I chatted on the phone to my brother.  Then a boarding lady called about the cats and I learned of a discount clinic close by that will take care of fixing BLU for $50 which is a bargain.  She said call on Monday and you will be in and out by Friday.  Yeah okay.  I am still NOT going on this damn trip.  It’s way too expensive to get them all shots pay that bill and turn around and pay another bill for boarding.  If work decides to pickup the tab well that would be great but I have to cat sit for someone else that week (or so I am saying) so how do you get me out of that?  You can’t.  So, well too bad I am NOT going on this trip and that is all there is to it.  You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do and that is the bottom line. 

Now it’s time to head back up and get started on the cleaning portion, then supper and not sure what for the rest of the evening.  Maybe some TV and maybe some back downstairs to mess on the computer and who knows maybe I will start laundry.

The electronics recycling drive is next Saturday and the following Saturday.  I’ve got TV’s to get rid of so that should be fun.  I am so not prepared for it, but I HAVE to make one of those drives to get rid of this junk around here.  Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work I go because I owe, I owe.   :)   Hope your having a great Saturday!

:) :(

Yesterday I received a packet of information in the mail from the attorney I asked to look into the wrongful death case.  Right now things are in the pending stage.  However, I have a bunch of paperwork to fill out and a contract to sign.  In talking with my legal eagle friends they tell me that this means there is a case and they plan on trying to move forward.  Which was kind of my take on it. 

No one will ever be able to take away the doubt in my mind because my partner is gone, but I think had he gotten TPA that the outcome of his stroke would be drastically different.  He may have had to live in a Skilled Nursing Facility or have a full time care giver at home but that would certainly be worlds better than having him dead. 

The possibility of getting money out of this is nice, but I would much rather have him back.  I’ve got lots of questions and I am waiting to hear back from my attorney but right now I have every intent of moving forward with this.  The attorney does get a sizeable chunk of the money (if there is any settlement) and they get reimbursed fulliy for their expenses.  Not to mention all of the hosptials, physicians will come running for their share of the pie.  Plus the insurance companies that shelled out money for his care will also want to be repaid.  So in reality I am not sure what I am looking at in terms of my take away.  I’m told the last says I have to be able to retain 50% of the settlement but since everyone has their hand out I suspect that by the time the dust settles I may not have that much left. 

I would like to be comfortable from a financial perspective.  Getting enough to have a reserve plus pay off the house & bankruptcy would be very nice.  Then I could breathe a whole lot easier.  I have no idea if that will happen.

I did forget to mention that if they move forward with the case but I loose I am not out anything but my time.  The attorney won’t be able to come after me.  I can’t move forward and then suddenly change my mind because then I am responsible for everything.  So it’s sort of like a marriage.  Either your all in or your not in at all. 

Big decision but my guy says go for it.  I know the process will wear on me and I will probably want to give up after the pressure mounts but I know it won’t last forever.  Given the venue it’s a high Plaintiff's verdict court so the chances of this going to trial are slim to none, they will most likely make me a settlement offer and honestly that is kind of what I am counting on. 

On the work front, my friend is stirring up all sorts of crap and she even tried to get permission to work from home.  She keeps asking me for things like I have any pull or say so.  I just do what I am told.  I keep telling her you need to make these requests to your boss, you work for her not for me.  Then I get the well you can’t hook me up line.  No I got you the opportunity what you do with it is totally up to you.  Right now she is doing a very good job of making me look bad.  Sure would be nice to be able to quit, I am in the middle of so much drama here – I want to get away from it all.

Speaking of which I learned about our annual trip this year, they are going to someplace warm again.  Everyone is begging me to go.  I can’t get a cat sitter.  So people are telling me to bored my cats.  Yeah, I have looked into that and it’s really expensive when you have so many.  One or two not too bad.  However, I also really don’t have any desire to go on the trip.  It’s done over part of the week, you have to get here at like 2 or 3 am for a 6 am flight.  Then you get back late in the day on a Sunday.  I have shit to do over the weekend like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.  if I really wanted to go I could pull some strings and it would happen but honestly I’d much rather stay home.

My friend says you have had a crappy year and you need a vacation.  Yeah, I need a vacation from you and these other damn people.  I need a vacation from life in general.  However, facing reality that isn’t going to happen.  I’d love to take time off and go on a trip by myself but how much fund would that be?  Going with someone you love or care about would be so much better.  I don’t want to mix business and personal – just not a good idea in my book.  I realize that if I went I would get spending money but I would rather give up the money and stay home.  At least I will have the kids and be able to stay in my home and do what I want when I want.  Right now I’ve declined but I have been given an extension and I have until Monday to tell them yeah or nay.  I’m not going but if it takes me waiting this out and telling them late in the day on Monday that I am not going then so be it.  I know it won’t look good for me because I didn’t go last year.  Maybe they will get the point I really don’t want to go.

My mom had a doctors appointment yesterday.  My brother was supposed to keep me posted but I had to ask him how things went.  Apparently the doctors think that mom has suffered a stroke because she is having problems with her words.  I am not a doctor but I am quick to blame it on her psyc medicine.  They make some pretty powerful stuff and it can do weird things to you and your brain.  So my brother doesn’t seemed that concerned.  Mom has to make an appointment and be seen by a Neurologist.  She is having accidents, which are more common with a stroke.  Maybe she did have a mild one – until you do image testing (MRI) there is no way to know for sure.  She could be at risk for another one.  If he has to witness that it will just tear him up.  I’ve been through it twice with my partner and it’s not pleasant. 

No real big plans for the weekend, just the usual.  Trying to get together with some friends for a bite to eat, just to have some human contact.  Otherwise it will just be me and the kids.  I will be getting my glasses tomorrow and also probably installing headlights.  I am not thrilled but it will pass. 

I called the mortgage company today, the account is still in review and no additional paperwork is needed today.  I was asked to call back again next week.  So who knows how long this little game will play out and what if anything they will ask for next. 

I just realized a few minutes ago that today is Friday the 13th.  No one seems to be making a big deal about it.  I think it’s mostly because people are still thinking about 09 11.  Well I need to go.  Take care, enjoy your weekend and I will talk with you peeps later.

Remember 9/11

We remember those that fell on this day back in 2001.  I still remember to this day where I was and how I learned about the attacks.  This is a somber day and a day that helps remind us that we all could go at any time, any minute from anything - be it a gun shot, heart attack or terrorist attack.

I watched a movie on Netflix a few weeks back that talked about Airline Security and how things have changed since 9/11.  Basically it's an illusion to fool the public into thinking that there is more security.  Now it's up to you if you believe that or not.  Personally, I think there might be some truth to it, but for the most part I think that the process of flying is more secure overall.  Little things that never caught any attention before now do not go unnoticed. 

Last year I remember one of my bosses was flying and the security on this day was especially tight.  I would hate to be flying on this date, just because of what happened back in 2001.  It was only last year that I started flying commercial for the first time.  Prior to that I had only been up in a private passenger plane.  It takes a little bit to get used to but all in all flying it's self is a breeze.  You just have to learn the process and after that, everything else just falls into place. 

The one thing that I wish is that there would be some restaurants before you have to go through the Security Checkpoints.  I'd probably go to the airport just to eat.  The food is expensive but there is some good food there, you just have to find it. 

I pray that all that perished on this day back in 2001 are resting in peace.  I know there are conspiracy theories about this day, it's America and we are all free to believe what we want to.  I have my opinions and I am sure that you have yours.  However, that is NOT what today is about.  Today is about remembering those who perished.  They were the victims and we MUST NEVER FORGET!

Take care & God Bless!

Slave to my bladder

Over the course of the last 24 hours I feel like I am a slave to my bladder.  Every time I turn around I have to use the restroom.  Today seems better though.  Maybe I just drank more H20 thank usual.

On the work front, a bunch of bankers are here today.  All that means for me is a little peace & quiet and a free lunch.  I hope they are here all damn day long.  :)

My friend appears to be stand offish today.  No more complaints from her boss, so maybe things are going to work out.  I don’t know.  I just pray that if it’s going to end it happens sooner rather than later.

Funny thing is we were fully staffed yesterday, no room at all here.  Then I got an e-mail this morning to turn someone off. Not sure if that person quit or was fired, nor does it matter to me.  So we have one open cubical.

Today seems a lot calmer than yesterday.  It was all busy and little time for play.  Not that I really play that much anyway.  I am working on building a couple machines and it’s not exactly as fun as it used to be. 

I am preparing for our e-mail migration and gathering data for our vendor.  We talked this morning and from what I am seeing this will be fairly smooth.  I am nervous about moving the executives e-mails but I am sure it will all work out.

The boys and I slept together last night.  Big Boy just loves to soak up those belly rubs.  He is talking to me all the time now.  He wants food, he wants the plate turned, he wants treats, time to move the plate.  You get the idea.  He is quite a handful.  I see his breathing difficulty after he uses the bathroom and that breaks my heart.  As long as he stays calm and doesn’t get too active he is fine.  I just think about the day we part and it breaks my heart.  His mobility could improve some if he would loose weight but when your on steroids and you lay around all day and eat, what do you think will happen?  Exactly, you gain weight.  He can still move if he has to. 

Speaking of the kids, I need to call the vet and ask what is going on.  I may just stop in tonight since I have already called and e-mailed and I’m not getting attention.  Momma will need her Thyroid medicine and I want to know what if anything we are going to try next to help calm her down from chewing all the time.  She really gets into it and I just hate to see it.

Speaking of Momma when she plays she usually picks up a foam ball and bats it around or she will carry it around in her mouth.  She howls and meows, if you didn’t know better you’d sware she was hurt.  Well I caught Shy Girl doing the same thing last week.  I wished I could tell my partner.  Kind of a shame he won’t get to hear about that.  Her and her mother are very close and if Shy Girl goes first Momma will be okay.  However if Momma goes first Shy Girl will be a mess and probably die without her Momma around.  Even as an adult the girls all look to Momma.  The boys not so much because they usually get their ears bitten or told it’s bath time.  Momma doesn’t mess with the boys that often.  However, they all know they are family.

Suits is on tonight and I am happy about it, but also kind of sad because the final show airs next Tuesday for this season.  Then I have to wait until next Summer for it to pick up again.  I hate season finales.  However, now that Fall is coming there will be new things on like Scandal.  The Doctors aired there Season 7 Premier yesterday.  Dr. Travis is still looking fine.  He’s the only reason why I watch that show.  You do get some medical knowledge out of the show, so it’s not all about the eye candy.

Speaking of Fall I can sure tell it’s coming.  Its getting darker earlier and staying that way longer in the morning.  Fall was my partners favorite time of year.  We would be going to a winery to eat German Food .  Ah the good old days, sure do miss them.  I am thinking of making a weekend trip to the winery before or after Octoberfest.  I don’t like going down during October because there are crowds of people and most of them are drunk & rude. 

All of the items I listed on eBay have expired and I have not re-listed them yet.  Something I need to do but am not in a hurry.  I’m thinking that I may get rid of them in an auction next year.  A club he was a member of started to have auctions in the first part of the year to get rid of lots of stuff.  They get like 10% off the top but the rest is yours.  You can tell them what you want or just let them figure it out on their own.  I’d rather set a price because then I know what to expect rather than having someone just give the stuff away.

Since I have been thinking about my foot it’s starting to bother me again.  Curses! 

My friend and her boss just came in my office while I was typing away here.  I thought something was up but it was just friendly chit chat and them raving about the food for lunch.  Wow, so excited for nothing. 

Well guess I should get back to business as usual or nothing will get done.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.  Thank for stopping by.

Collections

I guess my previous post was an omen.  I got a collections letter for my partner.  An ER Physicians Group wants to be paid $14.  I told them back in June he was dead.  They turned it over to collections and changed my partners first name to Estate.  Rude!

So I wrote them a letter and told them he owed me money too, but now he is dead so deal with it.  He’s got no money and that is why he was in Bankruptcy.  That should hopefully scare them off.  I mean $14 they are spending way more than that to have a debt collector try to recover the money. 

I am hell bent on not paying for any of his debts, with the exceptions of the mortgage and bankruptcy.  I shouldn’t have to nor would he want me to. 

The funny thing is that the letter looked like it was a check so it enticed me to open it.  Now that I know the trick, future letters will be sent back. 

The rest of the day went okay.  My friend pulled some bullshit and I do believe she is going to get talked to tomorrow.  She is really doing a bang up job of making me look horrible.  I also see why she got fired from her last two jobs, she doesn’t do shit.  Never again!

Monday

It’s a little after 3 pm and Monday has been good but very busy.  My friend showed up for work.  She is still being a princess and asking for technical gadgets and crying when something doesn’t work like it should.  She is very high maintenance.  I would have never figured her for that.  I asked her point blank why are you ordering crap if you know you are going to leave.  She said until God tells me it’s time I am staying.  Oh great, so they are going to fire her.  I hope that she is productive today.  Her boss is going to talk with her about all of her mobile devices that she has on and uses constantly.  Two tablets and a cell phone, plus God only knows where she goes on the internet.  Maybe this will turn around, I sure hope so.

We hired not one but two new people.  I was notified when the first one showed up.  Holy crap, talk about the 11th hour.  Ah, well.  Outside of 1 other guy and the owners I work in an office filled with women.  Ick!  We need some man candy around here.  As of today all of our office space is filled, there isn’t a place to put another single person, unless you stick them in the main conference room.  They are going to hire 1 more person, so I am interested to see where they put them and when it happens.

I got the new people squared away.  My boss introduced me in passing with the new person and as I was walking away he said, he is very good at what he does.  I wanted to get out a recorder and ask him to repeat it.  That way I’d have proof he actually said it.  See what I mean about Dr. Jackel and Mr. Hyde.  The man is bi-polar. 

I am still a little sore today, but we are going to do some self pleasuring tonight for sure.  I hope I don’t make things worse.  Plus I have the fun task of putting the trash out.  Oh joy. 

Not much else cooking at the moment.  Working on project work and building a machine.  Plus dealing with the every day issues.  The help desk software I found is working pretty well for me.  Trying to remember to log tickets when I have been out of the habit for almost 4 years is a little time consuming.  However, in the end I think it will pay off or so I hope. 

Well back to the grind stone.  Salad for supper and hopefully nothing bad comes in the mail.  Oh yeah, the lotion applicator arrived on Saturday.  Used it yesterday and again this morning.  Works great and my back doesn’t itch nearly as much.  Once it gets used to the lotion I should be all set. 

Hope you had a great Monday.  Talk with you peeps later. 

 

Sore

My little girl gave me quite the workout yesterday when I trimmed her claws.  My hips are killing me.  Ever since my partner passed when it’s time to trim her claws she gets progressively worse.  She was hissing, fighting me, biting me and she used those rear claws and got my arm.  I am sore and injured.  I got her claws but I am not sure how good of a job I did.  I do know that I got the knots out of her fur.  She made a mess on the floor, but thankfully I had the steamer out so I just moved it over and up came the stain.  We were not friends for a little bit last night, but as soon as I put food down our relationship was instantly repaired.  I am not sure why she gives me such a fit.  He had nothing to do with trimming her claws, except sometimes he would talk to her.  That didn’t do much from what I saw.  One of her claws was curled under, it was not easy but I got that sucker. 

After our little battle I looked online for some better gloves, to prevent injuries to my arms.  They make them but they are $135.  I saw some snake handling gloves, wonder if that would do the trick?  They weren’t cheap either.  You have never ever in your life seen a cat this mad.  If she could she would spit fire from her dragon breath.  Her tongue turns fire red and it’s very apparent that she is upset.  Then when I touch her she screams like I am going to murder her.  I really wish there was a better way to go about this, I want her to remain calm and not get so worked up.  That’s not good for her.  At least her lungs and heart get quite the workout.  I’ll bet you she slept really good!

My brother called last night, he will be out of a job at the end of October.  Could happen sooner or may take a little longer.  I worked on his resume today and he is going to start looking.  He got a heads up months ago but chose to do nothing about it.  I don’t feel sorry for him.  He’s got a butt load of money in savings and he will get unemployment if he doesn’t get a job.  The bad part is that he will be stuck at home with our mom and he will go out of his damn mind.  Then he will start leaning on me, I don’t want to get involved.

She is giving him quite a run for his money.  Saying strange things like get the soda out of your wallet, how long have we been married.  It’s nonsense.  Then she decided to do laundry.  Apparently she thinks the washing machine is a workhorse.  She had an accident and just threw everything in the laundry.  No pre-rinsing or cleaning.  Well it just cemented it’s self to the clothes when she stuck them in the dryer.  My brother got to find that.  Wow what a mess.

I think unless the doctors can adjust her medicine to get things right, she won’t be living at home for a whole lot longer.  I explained to him that if he goes about that, to put down on the paper work that she plans on returning to the home when she gets better, even if there is no hope that she will return.  This way he can continue to make mortgage payments in her name and live there.  He was afraid that the State or Nursing Home would take the house.  I think before it’s all said and done she will wind up as a resident some place, just not sure where.  Kind of sad.  I wonder what would happen if they took her off all of her medicine, slowly then just see how she acts.  I realize that could be dangerous but that mind altering medicine has way too many side effects. 

I got out of bed at a decent hour, made it to the grocery store in the rain.  Learned that the truck has a burnt out headlight.  I ordered replacements via Amazon.  Should be here Wednesday.  They are simple to replace, we did it together as a team last time.  This time I will be on my own, not worried about that task.  I filled up the tank with $12 in gas.  I’ve got a 1/2 tank now.  I don’t drive it that often, nor do I want to.  I just don’t want it to rot away.  It’s going to be traded in when I get things squared away along with my car.  Plus I am sure it will serve me in the winter if things get too messy around here.  That’s when I will start to keep a full tank.  Didn’t manage to clean out the garage yet so it’s still sitting outside. 

The grocery store was packed because of the rain, looks like all of the rats ran inside for shelter.  I plowed my way through in nothing flat.  What used to take us an hour to do I can easily do in less than 20 minutes.  I have my go to isles and don’t venture off the beaten path much.  It’s same old crap each and every week, which gets old.

Tomorrow I will be having salad.  It’s a simple quick meal and since I have to put the trash out and it’s Monday I really don’t want to fuss over dinner.  Plus it’s semi healthy.  :)

Speaking of Monday, I have already heard from the gem I work for.  He answered some e-mail I sent to him.  Thankfully no response was needed.  I found a free help desk ticketing system that is web based.  I played with it last night and it looks awesome for being free.  I am going to give it a try because I can get a report out of it to show my work.  It would give him a better idea of what I do, I wish the reports were more granular but you get what you pay for.  I am not mentioning it, just going to start using it and then if something happens I will have backup.

I am worried about my “friend” to see if she is going to bother to show up tomorrow.  Thus far no contact from her.  I guess it will be a surprise.  Personally I don’t expect her to show up.  If she does I am not certain that she will last all week long.  I know that she is doing a job that she told me that she doesn’t want to do anymore.  Plus there is a lot of clerical work and that is beneath her.  All I can say is I did my part and I am truly sorry for helping.

I had left over Lasagna for lunch, it was okay.  I made my Mexican dish for supper.  Stand and Stuff soft tortillas, filled with con queso, refried beans and taco meat.  Top with Sour Cream.  I ate 3 of these bombs.  Man I got full and fast.  There are left over beans and con queso.  I’ve got a fresh tub of meat so I could easily do it again.  It’s just a little bit of work, which on a work night I wouldn’t want to try because I would get easily frustrated.  Since I used bowls and had con queso caked on a dish I did a 2nd load of dishes so everything is clean, or so I hope. 

I am going back on my Oatmeal diet.  I’ve been going through a normal size box of cereal in 2 days.  Bowl after bowl, after bowl.  It’s good and I have been that way since I have gotten older.  Oatmeal I just make two packets and that’s it.  When it’s gone, it’s gone and there is nothing more to do.  I noticed that I am bulging at the sides so I am ready to clean that up.  It’s got to be a combo of stress and what I am eating.  I can’t control the stress but I can control what goes into my body. 

Ever since my partner passed, my passion for sweet things has diminished.  I threw away a pack of donuts that has been sitting on the table for 3 weeks.  Blu peed on them and even though they were sealed in a box and still good I just decided it was better that way.  I got a replacement pack today at the store and plan on eating one at breakfeast.  I am keeping them in a different place so Blu can’t destroy them.  Anything cardboard on the table he pees on.  I’d really like to fix that problem but no money. 

I do eat a lot of Pasta, Mexican and it’s all frozen or something quick heat and eat.  Oh don’t forget Pizza.  I see less vegtables and more “junk” so it’s no wonder my weight has shifted.  I have to get things more balanced and under control.  Otherwise this old body of mine will crap out that much sooner. 

Last night I found a site that I thought was awesome and I put together my Last Will & Testament.  Turns out before you can print it you have to sign up for their service.  Crap, it was a waste of time.  Kind of neat though, they had provisions for a Digital Executor to take care of all of your Social Media Accounts.  Something that everyone will have to think about.  I closed out my guys stuff for the most part.  It was a no brainer.  I sent a message out that he passed away.  I gave it a week or two and I shut it down.  What’s the point of him lingering out there in Cyberspace.  People are so stupid they will just ask him to play a game or invite him to Farmville.  I don’t have time for that.  I know where he is at, the last thing he is thinking about is Farmville or Social Media. 

I just took a quick break to feed the children there evening snack.  It’s dark outside and it’s just past 7:30, another sign that winter is on the way.  This week we have another Heat Wave so it’s going to be extra hot.  Glad I got my hair extra short. 

I made a checklist for the day and I am proud to say that all but one task has been completed.  That was cleaning out my office closet.  I am just too sore to attempt it.  I also want to do some self pleasuring but all of the muscles in my hips hurt and I just think that would make it worse.  :(    Waiting does make it better but then I think I could have this amazing feeling every night why do I wait?

My depression is still hanging on, but I am trying to keep busy to avoid it.  That has helped some.  It won’t help that I will be wearing some of his clothes to work tomorrow.  I just did a special load of laundry with only stuff from his wardrobe that I kept.  I figure I might as well get some use out of it.  Plus when I clean my office closet up, I will be able to donate more clothes to Goodwill but they will be my old clothes.  I realize after cleaning out his closet that I have hung on to way too much stuff, so it’s time to purge.

The last task of the night will be trimming my claws.  I hate that, every two weeks like clock work.  I like long nails but they help breed infection and spread germs, not to mention they are difficult to type with, when they get too long.  Plus us guys aren’t supposed to have nails.  I’d love to paint them if I could, but that would really make me appear odd to my co-workers.  Clear polish is about as much paint as they have ever and will ever see. 

Doing nothing, changes nothing so I guess I better get to work because time is ticking away here and before you know it morning will come.  Oh brother, I just hope tomorrow is a calm Monday and that the dick leaves me alone, I’m in no mood for bullshit. 

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you had an awesome weekend.  I guess we will weather this next week together.  Talk with you peeps later.  Good night & God Bless. 

Catchy music

 

 

Depression

So this big wave of depression hit me all of a sudden on Friday evening.  It started with me being conflicted about what to do for supper.  I wound up coming home after getting cat food and just lounging around.  Didn’t feel like doing anything.  Wanted someone to talk with but all of my friends were unavailable.  One was supposed to call me right back but that didn’t happen until 2 hours later.  Now we are playing phone tag.

Just the events of the past week with my boss and the mortgage company have me kind of down.  Plus coming home to an empty house that I have to clean doesn’t help.

On the work front, my friend came to tell me that she will be fasting and praying over the weekend about if she should bother to come back to work.  It sounds to me like she is riding the fence and doesn’t know which way to lean.  Thus far she is non productive, shows up late, answers her cell phone with the name of her personal business and is booking appointments.  So in other words she has a very poor work ethic and really doesn’t care if the work gets done or not.  She is working for the best and nicest person in the company and if she would just stop asking for things and talking on the phone, then she might actually get some work done.  I don’t get why she isn’t more productive.  It’s making me look bad and I am ready to do her job for her.  However, I am not.  Basically the next time we speak unless she made a decision I am going to tell her to make a decision and stop riding the fence.  Either you want to work or you don’t, only you can answer that and do what is right for you.  But please make a decision because your killing me.

No boss man on Thursday or Friday – sweet.  Nice and clam in the office.  I accomplished a little bit, not as much as I wanted to but it will all get done in due time.  I am pretty much at my limit with regards to stress and dealing with this crab ass of an old man.  I am ready to tell him either you or going to fire me or your going to leave me a lone so I can actually do my job.  I want and need relief it’s been a bad year for me and he is not helping matters.

Heard from the Wrongful Death attorney.  Take away from his e-mail sounds like there might be a case.  I have been asked to get medical records from the 2nd hospital where my partner was transferred to.  I am filing that request today but it will take time to make its way through the system and then I am sure there will be a mountain of a fee to pay.  He was there for 2.5 days and they did all sorts of things to him and for him.  Lots of tests and medicine.  I just hope the fee isn’t that much just because if there isn’t a case then I am out more money that I really can’t afford.  The possibility of having a case really has me kind of excited because it’s more money in my pocket.  Most of these things usually settle and never ever see a court room.  I am happy to take however much I can squeeze out of them.  I don’t know how you put a price tag on a human life but if I can get enough to take care of the bankruptcy & mortgage I will be okay.  An extra perk would be to have something left over.  But having the pressure lifted from both of those expenses would be a true God send. 

Paid bills today, how depressing.  Had to rob from savings again in order to make ends meet.  Not a lot but what I have local is almost gone.  I have more but it’s at a virtual bank so I may have to request money from them.  In fact I am thinking of doing just that to pay off one credit card.  Then I would be totally debt free, except for normal expenses.  All I have to do is try to not go hog wild and everything should fall into place.  Easier said than done when you need stuff. 

I am tired and ready for a nap.  While I would like to take one I have to continue laundry, vacuum & clean the carpet.  Plus tend to the litter boxes, I skipped last night and you can tell that today.  However, that nap part sure sounds nice – maybe just an hour or two.  I am going out for Chinese tonight because I am hungry for it. 

Today I have made it to the eye doctor.  They don’t need to see me again nor do they want to until April.  However, I did order new glasses.  I paid $200 but the charges were over $900 not bad for $8 a paycheck coverage.  I really wanted an extra exam but that just didn’t work out.  So hopefully in one to two weeks I will be getting new glasses.  I had everything done to them so I won’t have any excuses not to wear them, except for the fact that I simply don’t want to.  I really like my sun glasses but the doctor told me that I would probably feel more comfortable if I was wearing glasses when driving.  I got Nike frames, Crizal Treatment for Glare, UV Light and Scratch Coating, Thin Poly Carbonate Lens, Auto darkening extra dark and extra quick for the sun.  So basically they will do it all just put them on and I should be all set.  Morning, Noon and Night – except for the shower and sleeping.  Hopefully they will turn out to be a good investment and I will reap the rewards. 

That nap really, really sounds good.  I am going for one of them now.  Hopefully the children cooperate and allow me to sleep just an hour or two, then I have to get something accomplished around here. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Someone has something to hide

Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was far too upset & busy to take time out.  The evening also went by in a flash because I spent most of it on the phone.

Okay so I’m talking with a co-worker about the benefits of a cordless keyboard & mouse.  I showed them what I had and said well my boss has something different.  So since he wasn’t in, we decided to take a closer look at his keyboard & mouse combo.  We walked to his office and took a look.  Then we left.  We didn’t touch anything – go through anything and we didn’t even bother to turn on his monitors. 

The next thing I know he is contacting me asking if I was in his office.  I said yes and explained why.  He came unglued and went off on me telling me was a privacy violation and that I should be written up.  I don’t have permission to go in his office unless he or someone else's tells me to.  Wow, that leaves it open for interpretation – the cleaning person could tell me to go in and I could say that was permission.  Get a fucking grip, we didn’t touch a damn thing – it’s a fucking keyboard we looked at it and left.  Obviously he has something super secret and sensitive in his office.  I mean I have the keys to the entire digital world.  I can see e-mails, financial data and even paychecks.  But I can’t go in his office, go figure.  I just said yeah, okay.  To calm him down and get him off my back. 

The person I was with got ripped for this too.  Now the bottom line is either we are or we are not trusted.  Clearly by his actions it says we are not trusted.  Yet we both could do harm if we wanted to.  It was another executive that I was with.  This was just a further reminder to me that it’s time to get out of there before I am thrown out.  Problem is jobs are not appearing in over abundance.

My friend that I referred has consistently showed up late, left early and just disappeared for lunch.  She complains about noise level but she has two tablets at her desk, listening to music in her ears and she isn’t getting a damn thing done.  What she is producing I am told is crap.  Wow, talk about making me look bad.  All I can say is NEVER EVER AGAIN.  Our friendship is okay at the moment, but in my mind it’s rocky at best.  I am not happy because I am stuck in the middle.  Her and her boss are both telling me things – I give it one month tops. 

Shifting gears, I called the mortgage company because I haven’t been tortured enough this week.  They of course need what, more documents.  The Trust wasn’t good enough to show that the property is legally mine.  They need to see that it was willed to me.  I explained the Will refers you to the trust but they wanted it anyway.  Okay, so I sent it.  Then I waited several hours.  I called back and learned they got it.  Then I was told they need a letter of authorization from his (my late partner) Bankruptcy Attorney saying that it’s okay if they speak with me regarding the property.  Called the lawyers office got the letter faxed.  I got a copy by e-mail and when I got home I sent it again by fax to them.  I want to make absolutely certain they received the document.  Unfortunately,  I will be calling them again tomorrow.  I just hope and pray they don’t ask for another damn thing.  I have sent them everything I have two or three times over.  It’s time to get with the program and get me an answer.  Typically I am told it takes 30 days to complete this process.  I wonder how one accomplishes that?  I have been going at it since April and with this particular financial institution since June when they assumed the loan.  30 days, come on that is a joke!

Moving right along I got a call from the vet about Momma yesterday.  I called back and left a message but never heard a damn thing.  So I sent an e-mail tonight.  Hopefully I will get a response tomorrow.  The medicine isn’t working for her chewing/itching.  Not sure if there is something else we can try.  Plus she needs more Thyroid medicine.  That will be $50.  Always something or someone to take your money.

Finally my favorite subject.  Me.  I’ve had some strange dreams this week considering what I have been through at work.  I can’t help but wish my boss would die, retire or just leave me the hell alone.  I really don’t like that man.  I have my moments here at home.  Not crying but I kind of feel like that might help.  Frustrated with all of the BS I have to continue to go through.  Jump through this hoop, fill out that form, etc.  It’s getting really old, really fast.  I am paralyzed by choice when it comes to planning for Supper.  Been doing the frozen thing, except for Tuesday when I had a salad.  Tomorrow I am thinking about Chinese but I have Mexican here at home.  I was thinking Mexican on Saturday.  Kind of sad that tomorrow is Friday only because it’s that much closer to Monday and that is when the jack ass will be back.  Meantime I just keep it moving as best as I can. 

This weekend is also carpet cleaning and claw trimming weekend.  Wow two things that I hate more than going to the grocery store.  Help, Help me Rhonda.  Whoever that is.  Looking forward to relaxation and being able to let my hair down.  Saturdays are great for that – I tend to forget about everything.  Then Sunday comes along and sobers me up to reality again.  I kind of want some people action but I only have so many friends and I don’t want to become a burden, even though I know I am already a burden.

Well I guess I should hop to it, bedtime will be calling soon enough.  Hope all is going well for you.  Talk with you peeps later.

Coming Out Again

Yesterday I updated my FB page to commemorate the passing of my partner, I listed it as a life event.  Then I made public my marital status and the fact I was interested in guys.  I thought about it for a while and thought you know this could cost you friends, once you let the information out you can’t take it back.  Then I also thought about potential future jobs.  I quickly changed it back.  Thankfully FB didn’t make a major announcement about it, so chances are no one knows it happened.

Tonight for whatever reason I changed it back to public.  I am gay – I am widowed and well if you don’t like it, too bad.  I am not happy about the widowed part.  Who knows maybe in the future I will be able to say I am in a relationship.  People are coming out all the time and it really doesn’t seem to have a negative impact. 

I am not marching with a pride flag or wearing a sign, tattoo or anything else that says I am gay.  If you know it’s because I wanted you to, if you don’t it’s because I don’t want you to know.  If you figure it out, well good for you.  Take that information and a quarter proceed to Denny’s and maybe they will give you a cup of coffee.

So I came out again.  I’m interested what if any reaction that will get.

Last night I made my guys toothbrush mine officially.  It works better and takes up less space so it was kind of a no brainer.  Plus it will be another thing to remind me of him.  I am sure I will think of him more often now.  :)

Today was a busy day, since it was a day after a holiday.  I was in demand.  Plus my friend started.  Wow that is a mess.  She showed up late, asked for an office immediately in front of me and then left early for a doctors appointment.  Seriously!  I’m guessing she wants them to fire her so she can sit at home and collect unemployment.  It was only the first day so we shall see what happens.  I just pray it all works out.  She bothered me several times so I was kind of happy when she left.  I hope she will be quiet tomorrow. 

The trash is out and it took 15 minutes just like I thought.  The nosy neighbors came out to see what I was up to.  I just kept it moving and never lost a beat.  I didn’t stop to chat, say hi or what the fuck you people are nosy.  I just kept quiet and did what I had to.  Now that it’s sitting out there it is a little more than normal but all things considered it’s not a ‘large’ load.  I just hope they take every last bit of it, which I believe they will.

I looked into my vision coverage.  It’s “paperless” so I have no proof that I actually enrolled.  I was asked for a copy of the application, which is a little hard to produce since it was all done via computer.  The benefits person I worked with on the day of enrollment did all of the typing and I didn’t even get so much as a screen capture.  I think they will just enroll me, but who knows.  If I don’t have coverage it’s not the worst thing in the world.  I was just planning on going back to the eye doctor sooner and getting a pair of Cadillac glasses.  By Cadillac I mean a pair that has everything done to it from scratch coating, anti-glare, auto tint lens, the works.  That way since they would do everything I wouldn’t have an excuse for taking them off except to shower and go to bed.  I need to wear them more full time but switching to sun glasses makes that difficult.  I don’t need them to drive but I suppose that day is coming sooner rather than later.  Insurance would help defray the cost that would otherwise be born by me.  If I have to pay and have no coverage I will be a lot more conservative in what I get. 

Well time to prepare for yet another day of work.  Going to do that and then get ready to watch Suits.  I hope it’s a good show and there is some Mike Ross skin action – but my luck being what it is that probably won’t happen. 

Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

The latest guy I am drooling over

I finished watching Scandal, at least what is available via Netflix and Jake Ballard is the character that I have a huge crush on.  His name is Scott Foley.  Turns out he is 41 and was married to Jennifer Aniston.  He’s got gobs of children so major breeder.  However, that doesn’t mean I can’t lust after him. 

They say a photo is worth a thousand words.  So have a look and I think you too will see what I do a hunk of a man!

Forty Second Year of Life

So Forty Two years ago today I was born.  I often wonder why I was brought into this world.  I was supposed to be adopted by a “rich couple” and my life would have been all milk and honey.  Well maybe not milk and honey but probably a little easier than what it is now.  However, if that path would have taken place who knows where I would be or who I would be.  The choices that were made for me in my childhood helped shape who I am today.

I am comfortable in my own skin, don’t really care too much who knows that I am gay or who doesn’t know for that matter.  Sexual choice or preference is only one aspect of my life.  Like yours there are many aspects to my life. 

Birthdays long ago lost their luster and charm.  The presents stopped, the cards get fewer and fewer each year.  So in reality it’s just another day for me.

However, this birthday is a profoundly sad occasion for me because I can’t spend it with the man that I love.  I know that he is watching over me and smiling.  While that gives me some comfort it does not take away all of the pain.  I wanted to have just a hum drum day with him.  Maybe go out to eat and then lounge around the house.  Instead I got to get together with family, which was okay.  We had our meal and talked a little bit. 

My mother talk like she has a milkshake for a brain.  She can’t hardly complete her sentences, food all over her face and she talks with her mouth full.  She has put on so much weight and her hair looks like it was an experiment gone wrong at the local beauty college.  Of course I can’t say those things to her, well I mean I could but it would impact the relationship we have.  So I just keep my thoughts to myself.

My brother said I love you for the first time ever to me today.  Those were words I never thought I would hear.  However, I guess he has finally come to the realization of how fragile life is and that I won’t be around forever.  Between us we both have health issues.  Mine are being overweight, cholesterol and being a diabetic.  His are lungs that are as black as an ace of spades.  He coughs and coughs and can hardly catch his breath.  His face is red and he looks visibly miserable.     Yet he keeps on puffing away knowing that with each one it’s another nail in his coffin.  I honestly wish he would quit.  Cancer runs high in our family and I think it’s only a matter of time before it catches up with him. 

I’ve buried my grandmother, grandfather, husband and countless pets.  I don’t want to bury my brother or mother.  However, with mom having such a jump in age on us I think that is inevitable.  So I can deal with it.  However, my brother well that would be a huge blow. 

This has truly been a year the sucks like no other.  I will be a little happier I hope when it’s all over and we can start fresh next year.  His birthday and holidays are going to suck but I will get through it.  I hope that only good will follow from now on.  I’d like to be happy not just for a day or an hour but all the time. 

I pray that the cards have in them one more guy for me.  That we will be each others everything and have the time of our lives.  I will never forget my husband he will be with me in thoughts and memories until the day I die. 

I pray that he is at peace and living a much better life than he lived when he walked the earth.  Knowing that would help me but wouldn’t quench the loneness or the fact that I miss him.

So Forty Two years have come and gone, it seems like only yesterday that I graduated High School.  If I am fortunate enough to live another 42 tow years I wonder what I will see, experience and have to deal with. 

On a day that I should be so happy I am thinking about my guy and making preparations for a new Last Will & Testament.  I am thinking of getting a small term life policy on myself and leaving that to the folks that I leave the kids to, just in case something happens.  I don’t really care much about anything else that I own for they are all material possessions.  The animals I own are living breathing creatures that I have been entrusted to take care of and I want to live up to the responsibility that I have been entrusted with.  At my age I shouldn’t think about dying but things happen regardless if you are prepared or not.  Better to be prepared and have things spelled out than to just leave them up in the air and let others figure it out.

I am spending the rest of the evening relaxing, preparing for another work day and eventually going to bed.  It’s been a nice weekend and I accomplished a lot.  Not all of it is done but I have certainly taken the first and biggest step.  It feels so surreal. 

Thank you for stopping by, leaving comments and reading my ramblings.  I truly appreciate the readership that I have.  So here’s to many more years ahead.  Stay tuned and come back to find out what’s new or who’s old.  I will talk with you peeps later.