Unplanned day off

Today I had an unplanned day off.  I was up late last night, apparently I forgot to take my sleeping pills.  Something that seems to be happening to me more and more.  Anyway it was close to 4 am when I turned out the lights and call it quits. 

I woke up after noon, fed the children and had breakfast.  Then I decided to watch some more Scandal and got hooked into that.  I was passed out again around 3.  Woke up at 5 and watched more Scandal.  Then fed the children and had supper.  Came back watched more Scandal.  This show is really good.

I thought about getting ready and going out tonight to the grocery store but then I said why bother.  I’ve got tomorrow.  It will be an excuse to wake up early and hit the bricks.  Besides that I have to meet up with my family.

So here I am with a day all alone to myself nothing to do.  I’ve got some work to engage in a little while.  However, for the most part today has been about relaxation.  It’s therapeutic I tell you.  Not worrying about anything or anyone.  Kind of nice. 

Work bothered me today a couple times but that’s all taken care of.  Now I am blogging and I’ve got Windows Updates applying on all of my servers.  They are about 2 months behind and I am watching them.  I stopped worrying about them because every time I updated them and rebooted them my boss would suddenly have problems with his computer.  Well he will be out next week, except for Tuesday.  So I figure that I might as well get them caught up.  Shame because next week not this week Microsoft will be releasing more.  The 2nd Tuesday of every month, you can count on it like clock work. 

Scandal is apparently an ABC TV series that will start airing again in October from what little bit I have dug up.  There is a character named Jake, man he is super hot.  So I will be doing some research to find out who he is and how many shirtless photos I can collect of him.  I will be setting my DVR to watch the series when it starts up in October.  I am all in, hooked is minor more like invested.  This show and Suits are easily my two favorites of all time.

So tomorrow will be grocery store day and meeting with the family day.  It will also be my 42nd birthday a day that I would love to celebrate with the one I love.  Unfortunately he won’t be with me, but he will be in my thoughts and is always alive in my heart.  We did have a plan for growing old together.  He wanted to live to see how I aged.  We both always knew he would go before me.  We just never thought it would be this year.  Ironic how one moment your fine and all is well and the next your heart skips a couple beats and your dead.  I am still trying to solve the mystery why God called him home.  I know that it’s because his purpose here on earth, his mission was fulfilled.  I think that mission was to help others but mostly to help me. 

I think that I am left alone because it’s time to start a new chapter in my book.  It’s time for me to stand or sink on my own.  No one else to blame.  To go with my gut and what I feel is right.  I’ve had someone to lean on my entire life and I honestly need and want that security.  However, I don’t know that I will ever find it or true love again. 

His passing has put quite the burden on me with closing out his life, fighting for a death benefit that was mine, and working to keep the house that he bought to give to me.  Plus I have all of the children to look after.  To say that my hands are full is the understatement of the year.  Closing out someone’s life is not an easy or fun task.  It’s something that we are all going to have to do at some point in our lives.  Regardless if it’s your mother, father, wife, husband, friend – matters not who.  What matters is getting the job done and seeing it through to the end.  Not giving up even though the system is designed to make you give up.  Keep true to your mission and see it through to the end.

In some cases it takes literally years before you will be done.  In my case most of the work is done.  I just have to work out the issues with the house and finish paying off the bankruptcy.  The bankruptcy will take 3 years, the house still has 11 years but with payment modification I am sure that will alter the terms of the loan and draw it out further.  I am fine with that just as long as I can continue to stay here until the day I die or decide that it’s time to move.

Tomorrow will be difficult in some ways – I still think I am in shock over the whole death thing.  I wake up every morning and it hits me like a ton of bricks.  The reality that I am alone.  It’s a constant reminder.  I keep wondering when or if I will ever wake up from this nightmare that I am living.  However, it’s not a nightmare, it’s reality and well reality sucks sometimes. 

I wish I had more time with him and I wish the circumstances of his death would have been different.  In that I wouldn’t have had to make a choice to end his life.  Yeah, I know I didn’t kill him I just let nature take it’s course.  However, it feels a lot like murder.  I am at peace in knowing that I did the right thing, even though it feels so wrong.  I believe that he heard me saying my goodbyes but I will never know. 

The last thing I know with all of my heart is that he wouldn’t have wanted this process of closing his life to be a burden.  He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.  Even though while he was alive he was a burden to me.  That truly was depressing for him.  I know that he would have wanted things to be different and easier.  However, I also know that I am keeping my promise of making him proud. 

God never gives us challenges greater than what we can handle.  However, this is the ultimate in challenges and all things considered I am doing pretty good.  I hope that I continue to thrive and move closer each day in getting the mortgage company to work with me.  Then and only then will I feel a small sense of closure.

Sorry for the babble, I tend to drone on.  I am going back to tend to the servers, then do some surfing and of course watch more Scandal.  I will finish out the series tonight or early tomorrow.  Not sure what I will watch then!

Goodnight and God Bless.

2 Busy

Friday… Work closed early, which was kind of expected.  I left later than everyone else just wrapping up a few things.  I spent the better part of my day on the phone with the damn Mortgage company.  First call – They need proof that I have an ownership interest in the property, that it was willed to me.  I explained what I sent last week.  That solved that.  Next they need yet another copy of the death certificate and finally they need a letter of explanation that details my income and expenses as well as my intent for the property.  I faxed them the death certificate, and another copy of the Uniform Borrowers Assistance form.  Go Google it and you will see plain as day it tells you to detail your income and expenses.  I figured that would suffice.  It also has a spot for what you intend to do with the property.  Second Call – They got the fax but what I sent wasn’t good enough for the letter of understanding.  I asked for a supervisor and got hung up on.  Faxed letter of explanation that explained my partner is dead, the property is mine, I earn x dollars and my expenses are x dollars and that leaves a deficit of x dollars per month.  I told them to hurry up and make a decision because my money is dwindling and I’m sure they don’t want to be property owners.  Third Call – Talked with a very extra special nice lady.  She told me that the fax was received and my account is back in review for modification.  I asked how long this usually takes and she said 30 days.  I said well I’ve been trying since April and then the bank I was with sold the loan to you in June.  I’ve been working with you since June and 30 days has come and gone.  How much longer.  Well um, she didn’t have an answer for that.  I am wondering when it will end.  They encourage me to make weekly status calls.  They never call or write to ask for anything but they make you verify all of your contact information at the start of each call.  They put notes in the file and wait for you to call in.  Seriously?  You could speed things along with a simple phone call, letter or e-mail.  Send a damn smoke signal but communicate with me and work with me instead of working against me.  Another month where they get all of their money!

Celebrity News…. Remember back on August 12th when I blogged about getting a catalog in the mail of swimwear & underwear.  I said that I got to see Paul’s butt.  Yeah well I was so excited I sent him an e-mail on social media and told him that I had waited a long time to see it and he has a really nice ass.  I got an e-mail back Friday morning saying thank you.  Wow, that just blew me away and made my day before it started.

When I got home I took a nap and relaxed a bit.  Then I went into my guys bedroom and went through all of his clothes.  I managed to bag up 3 black extra tall garbage bags of clothes.  I didn’t throw everything of his in the bags.  I kept some stuff and other stuff I was way too willing to part with.  He used to be a lot smaller, then again so did I.  I stirred up so much dust and dander in the process my allergies were acting up.  However, there was no way I was quitting until I was done.  It’s taken me almost 5 months to get to this point.  If I stopped who knows when I’d go back.  Finally I got done and I was whipped.  Sweating to death and had to call it a night. 

Found a new series that I am binge watching called Scandal it’s about an attorney who used to work at the White House and centers around Washington Politics.  Kind of similar to House of Cards in many ways.  It’s very good and appears to have been a TV show.  Plenty of murder, sex and plot to keep you entertained for hours. 

TMI moment…. I was wearing boxers yesterday.  I had to keep pulling my pants up not sure what that was all about.  Anyway I went to get up and squashed one of my nuts.  That hurt all damn day and night.  Today I am wearing a brief to keep my nuts from being injured again.  Then that damn cats step on them when I am sitting in a chair.  There is no winning!

Saturday…. I didn’t go to bed until after 1 am.  The kids woke me at 5 and 6 and 7.  Finally I just got up.  I fed them and then started watching Scandal.  Finally enough time had passed I had to get going.  Made breakfast at home and got a shower.  Headed out to pay the safe deposit box rent.  Drop off the bags of clothes at Goodwill (thank God for the truck because all of that would have never fit into my car) and finally to pickup mail.  Then back home. 

I configured my new garage door opener and like it a little more than the original so I swapped out openers in my car.  No issues as of yet.  Then checked my tire pressure and let my car sit in the sun for a bit.  I came back in to cool off with a bottle of water.  Watch more Scandal and take a nap. 

When I woke up it was close to 1pm.  I got a fresh bottle of water, grabbed the keys & wallet and set the alarm.  Said my goodbyes and I went off for a nice drive and got some PIE. 

I ordered a Patty Melt and it was the best damn Patty Melt I had in a very long time.  It took me back to when I was growing up and me and my uncle stopped in at the hospital coffee shop.  He ordered a patty melt and I copied his order.  I had no idea what I was getting.  I fell in love, it was ecstasy in my mouth with every bite.  This thing was so damn good I didn’t want pie for desert I wanted another patty melt.  However, I didn’t give in and I ordered pie.  I got Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.  It was pretty good.   Took home a full Custard and 4 Carmel Nut Rolls.  Celebrating in style this weekend!  I’m going to get fatter.  Woot!

Got the car washed and gassed up.  Then I went to Staples and of course they didn’t have the pen that I am looking for.  I picked up something and was going to get it because it looked cool but talked myself out of it.  I walked around aimlessly for a while and then just left.  Got on the freeway and headed home.

Of course on the way back home a storm cropped up and my nice clean car got rained on.  No harm done except the windshield was a mess from that and many bugs I encountered.  I got it all cleaned up when I got home. 

I fed the cats again and then I went to lube up of all things, wait for it, wait for it, the garage door.  What did you think I was going to say?  I found a video on-line and it was kind of comical as well as entertaining.  It talked about what to use and where to squirt it.  Turns out I’ve been doing it wrong.  Followed the steps in the video except I didn’t put on safety glasses and should have.  Outside of that all went well. 

While that was drying a bit, I left my car out and came back in to take yet another nap.  It was about 5 when I got home.  Woke up a little after 6.  Moved the car back in.  Fed the cats and then started on cleaning my partners room.  Damn he kept lots of magazines.  Most everything by his bed was peed on.  It smells and things were sticky.  Not a good combo.  Threw most of it away.  There was very little worth saving.  His dresser was the biggest mess and the mirror hadn’t been cleaned in ages.  Again I managed to stir up the dust and dander so my nose was going crazy.  Finished up and got out of dodge.

Then I cleaned the house up and got the trash out.  Speaking of which come Wednesday morning the Trash Man is really going to hate me.  My front lawn will look like I am having a yard sale there is so much shit I am putting out.  I figured I should stop with the one room because they may not take all of it if I keep going.

I have to clean off his bed, it’s full of the clothes that I want to keep and actually wear myself.  Then I have to launder the bed clothes – that will all happen in time.  Until it does I am done with sleeping in there.  Dust is every where.  The mattress is really nice and comfortable.  I really want to watch TV in my room and then retire to his room to sleep.  Problem with that is not sure that Big Boy & Jumper would follow.  Everyone would be confused with that for a while and it would leave my bed vunerable to get peed in.  So while it’s a nice idea I am just keeping it in the back of my mind.  Perhaps someday I will try it. 

After I am done with his office, then I have the basement to tackle.  That will make the poor trash man have to get a new truck after he hauls all of that crap away. 

I got a newsletter from the city and we are having a e-waste drive.  So I can get rid of those old cordless phones he was hanging on to as well as the many tube tv’s we have.  It’s not until the end of the month but that’s okay it’s not like the crap is going anywhere.  I could sell it but that takes forever just as soon throw it away and move on.

Laundry is going now with a shirt of his that I really want to wear tomorrow.  My family wants to get together on Monday but I am changing it up and going to try for tomorrow.  Olive Garden – never ending pasta bowl.  Good stuff.  Not sure if I will have room for desert but that is totally okay. 

 

This weekend is extra difficult for me because Monday will be my birthday.  This is the first birthday that I will be celebrating without the love of my life.  It’s difficult but thus far it’s not as debilitating as I thought it would be.  I know in the 4 months that he has been gone I have accomplished quite a bit and I know that I am keeping my promise to make him proud of me.  It certainly isn’t easy but life goes on.  There are still many good years for me, provided that I live that long.  This single event has totally messed with my mind, body and spirit.  I am trying to keep everything in check and keep my emotions under control.  I probably could use a good cry but I am no where near that point. 

Changing up my family get together is for two reasons one I really want to be alone on my birthday, not sure if that is good or not.  Not sure if I will stay home or go out.  The second reason is because they want to embarrass me by telling the whole restaurant it’s my birthday, I can’t say that I am up for that. 

So sweet dreams.  I am calling it a night and going to watch more TV.  Maybe even take another shower.  Tomorrow will be grocery store day as usual.  Not sure if I will go out for breakfast or stay home.  I’ve got plenty here to eat.  So tired and proud of myself.  I complained a little while I was working but it didn’t tear me up like I thought it would.  Now washing the bed clothes that might have a little more impact on me.  Only because he was the last person to lay on that side of the bed and I will be washing away the last trace I have of his physical body.  Funny how something so minor has such a major impact. 

I hope your weekend is going good and for those of you in the US I hope you enjoy the 3 day weekend.  It’s the last one until November when Thanksgiving is here.  That will be here before you know it.  Wow, I should start thinking of scheduling vacation.  I get 3 weeks and have only taken 2 days.  I like to work in the summer and take some of the winter off as well as save up time in case I get ill. 

Okay, talk with you peeps later.  Enough rambling!  

Thursday already

Wishing it was Friday.  Sleeping in shifts again last night, tired today.  Ready to go home.  Working on more hardware but these are just desktops that I have to build, so not so bad. 

I don’t really have any news – boring evening talking on the phone with my Mother & Brother.  We are going out over the weekend, that should be pure joy.  Olive Garden Never Ending Pasta Bowl is back so that’s where I want to go. 

Kind of psyced up for the weekend, I am going to try to do some serious cleaning.  It’s in my plans I just hope that I can go through with it.  Even if I don’t acomplish as much as I want to getting started would be an acomplishment for me.  I’m starting in his bed room and going through the clothes, just thinking about it makes me choke up.  I know I have to do it and I know that no matter what I do or don’t do it won’t change the fact that he is gone and not coming back.

Boss man asked me if I needed any help, he really pushed it and so I said yeah with a couple things.  He didn’t say much after that.  Not sure where things are going but I answered his question.

Well things are piling up here and I should get back to it.  I took a call and went to lunch late feel kind of sick.  I ate lunch but it takes a while for the food to kick in and my sugar levels to even out.

Oh yeah, pot pie night tonight.  Yes I said pie! :P  Talk with you peeps later.

Peace Meal Sleep

Last night sleeping came in shifts.  First I woke up because Jumper wanted out.  Then I woke up because I was cold.  Used the bathroom and Jumper came back in.  Then Jumper wanted out again.  Then I had a strange dream and awoke to a vision – I think it was my mind playing games.  Then Big Boy started up.  Holy cow is it any wonder I am kind of tired today?

Suits was really good last night.  No skin, but it was a good show.  Plus yesterday was Patrick J. Adams Birthday, he plays Mike Ross on the show and he is the reason why I watch.  So in love with him – but he doesn’t even know it.  I did send a fan letter to him and asked for a photo, only time will tell if I get it.  He is still awesome in my book.

So the big hardware project has finally come to an end.  I configured the last machine this morning and I boxed them up and got them ready for shipping.  Kind of a nice accomplishment on my part but I don’t expect any accolades.  I won’t say anything until I turn in my project update later in the week.

Now I am working on my friends machine, she starts next week.  I am a little nervous about the whole thing but we shall see how it plays out.  I am not making contact with her prior to her start, unless she calls.  I really have a bad feeling about the whole thing.

I sent an e-mail to the vet, wow that sound strange.  But I did send an e-mail and told them how Momma was doing.  They called last night and we are moving her to another medication.  It’s a major anti-depressant.  I don’t expect it to do any good but we are going to try it for a week and see how she does.  I don’t want to give her the medicine unless I can be home with her.  You never know how they will react and if they are allergic.  So while I want to start her on it tonight after I pick it up – provided I remember.  I am cautious so I will probably not start it until Friday night.  It’s 1 pill one time a day, which works great for me.  She hates pills.  Then again find me a cat that likes pills.  She is good at first she will open real wide for you just to get it over with but after a couple days that wears off and you have to pry her mouth open.  Silly woman!

Not sure what is on tonight.  This is normally my Franklin & Bash night but that show is done for the season.  Hopefully TiVo or Roku will have something I want to watch. 

I did rent Identity Thief on Amazon the other night.  It was funny and entertaining.  I am not a Jason Bateman fan, in fact I really can’t stand him but I must say he looks pretty good.  The whole premise of the movie is he gets a call offering him free identity protection and then proceeds to give a complete stranger all of his personal information.  I’d never ever do that.  You have to know it’s a scam no body gives anything for free these days, there is always a catch. 

Not sure if I mentioned this but I surmised that I would be a lot happier if I could laugh more.  I figured this out after watching a Tyler Oakley video.  He laughs at least two times if not more in every video.  He clearly has way too much fun.  I don’t want to over do it but if I could just get in two laughs a day and build from there I think I would be better off.  I was told on my last job that I don’t smile a lot.  I heard that from a couple key people I respected and looked up to.  They were right and I started taking steps to correct it.  Now that I have sprung back from two years of unemployment I don’t smile a whole bunch but I think I do it more than I normally would. 

I don’t want people to be afraid of me but at the same time I don’t want to be bothered for every little gnat they see either.  A fine balance.  Right now I am enjoying quiet and it’s been that way so far all week.  I have little minor flares but for the most part people are doing their thing letting me do mine and that is the way I like it.  I think it has something to do with the up coming holiday.  It will be interesting to see if we get out early on Friday.  Normally I would say yes but last holiday we had to work until normal quitting time.  So it’s anyone’s guess.

On the way home last night I had a sense that there was in fact no mail waiting for me.  Turns out I was right.  Now I stop every night because you just never know.  However, I still think the post office should have some text alert that tells you if it’s worth your time to stop and pickup mail.  I miss the fact that I can’t have someone else do it.  At the same time I am happy that I am the only one.  More often than not he would go get the mail and forget to tell me.  I’d stop see no mail and be all upset that it was a waste of my time.  Plus he tended to drop things as he got older, so most times I got all of my mail. 

That is all I know for now.  Talk with you peeps later.  Happy Hump Day!  2 more days to go. 

Disappointed

So I did some searching and the guy at work that I like so much, you know the one who works for a different company.  Yeah, him.  Well tonight we could have shared a couple moments together, but I dashed into a waiting elevator.  Good thing I didn’t say anything because he is straight.  He is an actor and I found a demo tape on line he talks about him and his wife.  Crap, why are all the good ones taken and straight! 

Now I know but I wish I still had the mystery.  At least I don’t have to worry about making a fool of myself by asking him on a date.  Now that’s not to say we can’t be friends but honestly I doubt that will happen.

At least Suits is on tonight.  Should be a good episode and I am looking forward to it. 

Went Amazoning again spent $48 got some garage door batteries, a garage door opener and a handle for my Clara sonic so that I can use it on my back.  That should hopefully feel really good.  Now if I just had a way to put lotion on my back.  It itches so much because it’s lacking in moisture and well there is no one here to apply lotion so I just scratch a lot. 

If you have an idea on how I can accomplish the lotion application, let me know.  I am interested, really and so is my itching back!

Oprah Evening

I’ll bet you can’t guess what I watched last night? Two interviews that Oprah did.  One with Tina Turner and the other with Jennifer Hudson.  Wow!  They were wonderful.  I was amazed to learn that Tina Turner is 73 – she doesn’t look like it.  Too bad my guy didn’t look and function that well in his older years. 

Work is very quiet today, which is a good thing.  I am getting near the end of the first hardware project.  I’d love to say that I would be done with it today but it might stretch into tomorrow.  Time will tell.  One thing is for sure unless something goes oddly wrong I should be done and able to wash my hands of it this week.  That is awesome news!

My so called friend starts next Tuesday.  I got a little more upset last night when I learned that she updated her LinkedIn account and she put down that she is already working here.  WTF.  I haven’t said a word about it and I don’t think I will.   Something's you just have to let go.

I have to work on getting her a machine ready to go and the girl moved out of her desk into a new desk.  It’s a nice game of musical chairs.  As long as everything comes together by the end of the week I don’t care.  Then I can start on another hardware project – ick. 

Sitting here eating lunch I kept thinking about calling home, wondering what is for supper.  Yeah I forgot.  It’s like he is on vacation without me.  Feels very odd.  I’ve managed to make it 4 months and provided all goes well come next Wednesday it will be 5 months.  I’ve acomplished a lot in that time frame, more than I thought I would.  However, there is still plenty to do.  The one thing that I really want accomplished is the payment on the house to be adjusted.  I seriously hope and pray that gets worked out very soon.

Speaking of money, I tried to get a member sign on from the vision provider we chose at work.  From the way it looks nothing has been taken out of my check because I don’t have any coverage.  Now it’s only $4 and I don’t know that it’s worth complaining about.  I have to call the company and really afraid that will unearth a bag of worms.  I am also wondering others here haven’t had anything taken out either – maybe we all think we have coverage but we really don’t.  Oh boy if that is the case it will be ugly around here when people figure that out. 

The vet just called and wanted to know how Momma is doing, if she is still chewing.  Yes is the answer.  I’m not doping her up twice a day but manage to get a pill down her in the evening.  It seems to help a little but overall she is still obsessively grooming herself.  Silly woman!

We have a heat wave moving in.  I woke up in the middle of the night twice.  First was because Jumper wanted out.  Second was because I was freezing.  I have this bad habit of kicking the covers off and when my body realizes I am cold I wake up.  So I had to go turn the AC off and cover up.  Back to bed only to be woken a third time.  My neighbor was leaving and started up his motorcycle.  It scared me but I was up long before the alarm went off.  So out of bed I got.  That is how my day started.

I am still not 100% about the thermostat at home.  I went looking on-line and found some replacement options.  There is a really neat one from Honeywell that lets you control everything from your smart phone.  The unit it’s self has WIFI and it gets the Weather forecast and determines on it’s own if you need AC or HEAT and it makes that call.  Wow would suck if the weather site was hacked and it was summer but it thought it was winter and so the thermostat kicked the heat on.  Poor kittys would melt.  Actually they like heat but I don’t think they like it that much.  There is the NEST but that damn thing is way too expensive.  I like the idea of being able to control the temp through my phone that just sounds neat. 

Last night on the way home I needed to go to Lowes but by habit I went straight home.  Turns out the garage door opened with the first click.  I had a spare battery so I have that in the car just in case the thing decides to die and it’s pouring rain or something. 

Wow that takes me back to when me and my guy first met.  He didn’t have an automatic garage door opener so he used me to accomplish that.  Rain, Sleet, Snow I was the one who had to lower the door and lock it.  Don’t miss that at all but they were fun times. 

My food adventure this week will be Nachos.  I am thinking of them tonight but might just save them until Friday.  I got multi-grain Tostios (by accident), Tostitos Con Queso and Chi Chi’s heat & eat beef.  Going to mix the Con Queso with the Meat, might throw in a can of Rotel for good measure and viola….Nachos.  I hope it tastes 1/2 as good as it sounds.  I am sure it will create a mess which is why I am thinking of putting it off.  Might do the Bertolli frozen dinner tonight. 

So I gave in to a guilty pleasure and ordered some Shampoo from Amazon along with much needed Ice Packs for my lunch.  I am a prime member and always choose 2 day shipping.  I provide a street address solely for that purpose.  What do they do?  They shipped the order by the post office.  Not sure why but it’s not going to be here on Wednesday like I was promised it will be here by Friday.  The advantage of Prime is 2 day free shipping.  I am stil not paying for shipping but not getting my order as fast as I wanted.  So not happy about that!  This was a birthday present for me. 

My other present I will stop in at Staples on my road trip this weekend.  That is provided I feel like it.  I am in search of a specific pen.  I can get it on Amazon but want to see if I can find it in a store.  I have so many pens now that I could write with each of them every day and probably not run out of ink for 10 years.  I really don’t need another pen.  It’s a fetish for me. 

Sorry for rambling on.  I am thinking way too much about my birthday.  Wondering what friends will do for me, if anything.  I am not looking for gifts but that would be nice.  I am more interested to see who says what.  However, I am obsessing over being alone and how much it hurts.  I don’t get to hear Happy Birthday from the one I love.  He stopped affording presents for me a long time ago.  Usually a meal is how we would celebrate.  Doing it alone well it’s not quite the same.  Knowing how I feel now really makes me not want to see Thanksgiving because that will really suck.  I’ve already made reservations and friends & myself are keeping up our tradition.  I look forward to the food and time with friends but not the alone time I will have on my hands. 

Okay enough babble I have to get back to hardware heaven.  Only one person here can do my job and that’s me.  So back to work I go.  Take care and I hope your Tuesday was a good one!  Talk with you peeps later. 

Start of week

Thus far not a bad start to the week.  There were a couple minor glitches at work with my bosses machine and one other machine.  Rebooting fixed that.  I have pretty much been left alone and hope that continues for the rest of the week.  I am busy getting hardware done.  Start to see my way to making it, but it’s all dependent upon people leaving me alone.

Yesterday I worked on the garage opener.  The light used to come on but stopped a couple years ago.  I used a pencil eraser and cleaned out the socket, then put the bulb back in and presto it works. 

Backing out this morning I was proud to see the light glowing.  Sadly my garage door opener died so I have to get batteries tonight.  That will be a quick trip to Lowes.  Should be in and out in less than 2 minutes.  It’s great having places like that very close to home.

Later this week our Sam’s club opens.  I know that it will draw a crowd and that is all well and good but hopefully traffic keeps on moving.  The last thing I want is traffic jam.

I’ve been thinking about my get away that is coming up and so looking forward to it. I hope I don’t talk myself out of it.  My money is gone from my last check.  I’ve got like $92 left.  No way I can live off of that for a couple more weeks.  So I will have to either dip into savings or use credit and pay later.  Not exactly sure which way I want to go, but I will figure it out.

The carpets need cleaning as well, maybe if we get off early on Friday, I can sneak home take a nap and then clean them.  I also would like to start on cleaning the place up, I’ve got mountains of crap to go through.  Right now I am motivated but come the weekend I can’t say that I will still be motivated. 

It’s trash night and thankfully I am having salad for supper.  It will be quick and easy.  Work bought lunch today it was Fried Chicken, not bad but they waited so long I thought I was going to pass out.

Looking forward to getting home, spending time with the children and hopefully relaxing.  The sooner I get in front of my TV the better off I will be. 

That’s my Monday thus far.  How is/was yours?  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

My weekend

As you can tell I did spent a little time and updated the theme.  It’s always a hard decision for me – what to choose for a background and what to choose for the mast.  So many great images and so many of them of hot guys.  Ah, well I had to pick something!

Friday I was out way too late.  My medication wore off and my allergies were in full swing.  I had to dash home and didn’t get here until 9:30, which is way later than I had planned.  The children were thrilled to see me since I am there food source.  I took care of them, took care of my allergies and pretty well called it a night.

Saturday I did my running of errands.  Got a note in the mail from my bank, free checking is going to be a thing of the past.  In fact I looked on-line and most every financial institution requires a minimum balance and/or you to do some trick like using your debit card 5 times all to avoid the monthly fee.  I won’t have to pay a monthly fee because I have direct deposit but still the thought that if I don’t do x then they will hit me with a charge.  Damn banks!  I also got confirmation from the court that my case has been dismissed as I requested.  So that is put to bed.  I wanted to get away but decided that next weekend would be perfect for that.  So now I have something to look forward to. 

I went to Walgreens to pickup my medicine and the computer decided not to fill one of my medications.  I had to wait for them to fill it since it was last minute.  Then I got home and learned that the prescription I requested originally just went into hyperspace.  My doctor just wrote that last month and I can’t go asking him for another one.  So I went back to the pharmacy and they fixed it.  They scan every script in so they can print out exact images or look at the image on-line.  Thank you technology!  They put it back in so next month I shouldn’t have any problem.  Time will tell.

Speaking of healthcare I got a note from my doctor about my labs.  He said they were all normal.  I guess what shows up as high and out of tolerance isn’t actually that bad after all.  Because w/o his explanation, using my own judgment I would say that I am not doing the best.  I guess stress also plays into it so maybe he figures once things calm down and he repeats the test in a few months things will get better, who knows. 

I got cat food, organized my trunk.  I know we have bungee cords around here but I will be damned if I can find one.  I don’t want to pay for something that I have.  I also got my hair cut and went shopping for products.  I got some anti-dandruff shampoo that my favorite stylist swears by.  I don’t have dandruff but I have scalp itch because my hair is short.  This stuff seems to be doing pretty good.  It’s in the Biolage – Matrix line.  I asked for something different when they shampooed my hair and they are a Paul Mitchell shop so they used the Mitch shampoo it was a 2 in 1 and it did a good job as well. 

I went into the office to tangle with my printer.  It took me an hour but I finally got it installed on my system.  I had to network it instead of making it a local install.  The damn power outage screwed everything up and I had no way to fix it.  The office was a steamy 82 degrees and I was hot but not in a good way when I left. 

I had such high plans for Saturday but my energy wasn’t there plus I woke up with a pain in the middle of my back.  It was muscle strain and it drove me crazy.  I had to take a muscle relaxer last night and today I feel much better but that means lots didn’t get done.  I am still mentally cleaning out the garage but haven’t started on the physical part yet.  I have a power wheel chair to find a place for and a table saw.  Once I get those items out of the way getting two vehicles in the garage will turn into a reality. 

I am working on what else right now but Laundry.  The afternoon is ticking away and I am a little depressed because I know Monday will be here before you know it.  The thing I have to tell myself is that after 5 long hard days I will get 3 off.  My so called “friend” starts work on the 3rd so I am not really looking forward to that.  However that will be a short week and another payday so whoopee.  Then I get to give more money away.

I made my trip to the grocery store this morning.  I am about to head out to grab a bite at Steak N Shake because it sounds so damn good.  Plus it’s one less meal I will have to fix here at home.  Not real crazy about the steak part but the shake part sounds nice.  I could go someplace else for the meal and hit up our local ice cream stand for desert but that sounds like too much work for me. 

Okay well I should get going or I will never get there.  I hope you enjoy what is left of Sunday and I will talk with you peeps later.

Weekend..Ready…Okay!

Well we finally made it!  My day is half over but mentally it was over with before it even started.  I am so done, this week has sucked.

There was an issue with some of the hardware that I have configured as well as a WIFI Network that I installed.  I managed to get everything fixed without having to jump on an airplane, which is awesome.  I of course was blamed for everything even though the root issue is the performance of the hardware.  It got a touch screen on it and that is the issue, people hate it.  My boss asked me who’s bright idea it was to buy this hardware and I got to say yours!  That made me feel so good and I’m sure he felt like an ass afterward, but I don’t care.  He asked, I answered. 

My friend that is coming to work here in a couple weeks, sent me a text message asking me to hook her up with a tablet and an iphone.  I wrote back and said you will get what you need to preform the fucntions of your job.  If management feels you need a tablet and an iphone then you will get one.  Then I what I wanted to say was I alredy hooked you up with the job, is this how your going to repay me by being a needy bitch?  I don’t have any control over who gets what.  I am told what to do and I do it, like it or not.  I don’t have time to play games or cater to one person, I have a whole organization to support.  I think her working here is going to be a cluster fuck.  She will either get mad and quit or they will fire her, either way I don’t think she will last more than a month at best.  Now maybe once she is here my tune will change but I am keeping her at bay, I feel she is taking advantage of me and using me for what she can get out of me, then when I am no longer of use she will drop me.  So my way of combating that is to keep my distance and shut her out.  I put the walls up and it’s like she isn’t even there.  Sucks because we were really close.  I don’t let too many people in, I keep up barriers for a reason.  This is the second person to hurt me.  So as a result I am not as trusting today.  I want to make friends and eventually a boyfriend but if it means I am going to get hurt in the process I will be content with my cats.

Paycheck Rootlet worked out great for me.  Someone forgot to deduct for insurance but remembered my back pay and pay raise.  So I took home more money!  That was so needed.  I still had to dip into my savings to pay bills but it wasn’t as much as I thought.  I took out more than I needed so I have a small cushion to ride on.  That will be eaten up quickly with cat food, groceries and the little eating out I am doing.  My goal is to live off of cash and try to get away from credit.  Credit is a good thing but you can wrack up quite a bill and then it can be a struggle to pay off.  Credit is too much of a trap.  Now if I was making what I made at my old job I wouldn’t have any worries about the house, credit or money.  However, I am not so I have to worry.

Called the mortgage company yesterday.  They need to know that I have an interest in the property and that my name is on the title.  Well my name isn’t on the title but the Trust’s name is and I am the successor trustee so there shouldn’t be a problem.  I live in the house, I have the house insured in my name and I am the poor bastard making the house payments.  I was hoping they would tell me that I could lower my house payment this month but no such luck.  I have already scheduled a regular payment for next month.  Perhaps in the next couple months, the sooner the better.  Hearing they needed more documents was exactly the answer I was hoping NOT to get.  So much for that.

My plans thus far for the weekend are to get my hair cut, the usual shopping, laundry, cleaning.  I could use some extra sleep to recoup from the week of hell.  Perhaps a road trip, not sure about that yet.  Thinking I may want to save it for next weekend when we have 3 days.  I am also trying to figure out a way to clean up the garage to get the truck in there.  He had so much crap in the garage so there is room for my car but not the truck.  I’m tired of it being outside actually I am tired of seeing it period.  However, selling it right now doesn’t seem like the best option so keeping it and hiding it in the garage seems like a better idea.  Not sure if I will make any headway but I may try.  I am starting things out for this weekend by going out with a friend.  Not sure where we are going.  I have a couple suggestions but will wait to see how he feels. I do have to visit the jeweler tomorrow in need of a couple watch batteries.

I had to replace my UPS in my bedroom.  I woke up yesterday and the cable box was powering on and off, then the TIVO and VCR started so I knew something was up.  I bought a small replacement and viola problem solved.  Now I am wondering about my old TIVO if I hook it up in a different part of the house if I will be able to get my shows, going to look into that one.  I hope I am done with home issues.  I have enough going on in my life without having to worry about repairs.

Speaking of repairs, Big Boy is glowing.  He looks really good.  I brushed him the other night and he lapped it up, just purring away.  I have had to carry him into my bedroom the last couple nights because he wants to go but I think he is just being lazy and trying to see how much I will cater to him.  I don’t want any regrets so I do things for him like carrying him that I wouldn’t normally do. 

Okay so work is still waiting for me I guess I should go back to it.  That is the only way I will ever get done.  Perhaps the hardware project I am working on will be done soon.  I do have a lot of other hardware to configure – my friend coming, the re-replacement machine for the office manager and then another hardware project.  Chalk it all up to job security.  I just hope things settle down and I am left alone for a very long time. 

I hope that you have a nice weekend and I will talk with you peeps later.

Unsure might be a boss

Ladies & Gentlemen… Good evening!  Today was a little better for me.  I actually left work on an upbeat note, which is something that hasn’t happened for over a week. 

We had another power surge today.  Of course it happened at 4:30pm when most everyone leaves for the day.  However, we were down for about 5 minutes.  I am so not happy about this.  The boss man comes back to find out if I am checking on the servers.  I wanted to say nah, I thought I’d sit here with my thumb up my butt because it feel so good.  However, I refrained and just said yes.  Servers were okay, thank God for a UPS that works!  Biggest problem is having everyone reboot their computers.  Talk about an afternoon shake up.

I did absolutely nothing today.  Well I worked don’t get me wrong but no hardware was touched.  I halted that to make a special list for you know who.  I also used my time to catch up on a couple other things.  I was determined that I was going to stop busting my ass because it’s not appreciated. 

Tonight the office manager told me about a conversation she had with “the son” about me and how she feels that I need an assistant.  They had an outside IT Firm doing part of what I did and the rest was handled internally.  However, she feels that it is totally unfair because they had a staff and I am just one person.  At least this is the story I was told.  So maybe I will be getting some help.  Maybe I can chat up the cute guy next door that works at the staffing firm, maybe this is a way to make a new friend.  The part that sucks is if I do get someone we would share an office and well I’m not exactly hip to that.  I can’t make personal phone calls about the mortgage, obviously surf on my home machine, etc.  However, right now no one has said anything, this is all just a thought.a

I am still continuing to look, I really think that I can get more money and better benefits from another larger company.  Plus maybe cut out the travel BS.  Keeping my options open.  However, I have a sneaking feeling I will be staying put.  Only time will tell.

Went to flush the toilet this morning before leaving for work and the handle broke.  Everything is made of plastic – this sucks!  Bring back the metal and things will last a lot longer.  I went to Lowes and got a new handle made of metal.  I could have gotten by with plastic but why not spend the extra couple dollars.  I was able to take care of this by myself, which makes me feel good.  I should have gotten a different handle but this part does the job, I will just have to get used to the odd handle and the fact there is hardly room for your fingers.  It’s not like I am selling the place.

Speaking of which I have decided that I will be calling the Mortgage company either tomorrow or Friday.  I like to have those conversations when my boss isn’t around to interrupt.  I really hope they tell me I can lower my payment this month but somehow I think the best I can hope to hear is that things are still processing.  I don’t even want to hear they need more forms. 

Called a friend tonight and planned dinner on Friday.  Have no idea where we are going but I think I will have fun.  Unsure about leaving town on Saturday but just might do it.  I have to wait and see how the finances work out.  I am really trying to cut back as best and as much as I can.  We all have our guilty pleasures and I don’t mind indulging but I am trying to limit myself. 

Well it’s coming up on 8 and that means it’s time to wrap up this Wednesday, prepare for Thursday and hope that the rest of the week goes very well.

Talk with you peeps later.

Executed

So I executed my plan.  Things didn’t turn out like I thought they would.  However, I am still hoping that things will change. 

I felt really good about what I did.  Then in a matter of a few short minutes my boss yelled at me again.  Nothing related to the plan, he has no idea about that. 

I was doing really good on the hardware project.  I don’t have a whole lot left and my plan was to try to get it out by the end of the week, provided I was left alone.  Well I got buried with some BS project that he wants me to do now because he is angry.  Okay so the hardware project goes on the back burner and I will take care of the BS project for him tomorrow.  I will make sure I take my sweet time and draw it out as long as I can. 

I’ve determined that it’s in my best interest to leave as quickly as possible.  I am still open to change but I don’t think that will happen.  Perhaps after I am gone the dumb ass will realize what he lost, then again it doesn’t matter all that much to me just as long as I get away from him.  The work environment is toxic!

We got a nice surprise today after lunch, the power went out for like a whole minute.  Then it came back on.  Holy crap do you have any idea how hard that is on computer equipment, not to mention the poor servers.  I was beside myself and thought sure we would have a problem but thankfully everything kept on ticking like it was supposed to.  Thank God for a UPS!

Got home late because I was staying to dig up information on the BS project.  Anyway, had a salad for supper it was smaller than what I had last week and tasted pretty good. 

The mail brought me my new license plates for what is now my truck.  I hate the plate and really would be content in keeping what my partner had, but the state isn’t so accommodating.  So I have to use what I have been given for about 30 to 45 days and then I will get something new.  I filed my request on-line tonight and it’s going to cost me another $80 but might as well have something I like.  I think I will be hanging on to that vehicle longer than I want to.  I’d really like to put it in storage but afraid that it would totally go to waste, just sitting with no miles on it.

Come on Thursday!  I am so ready to get this week over with.  Unless someone makes me a better offer I am leaving town this weekend, just for a few hours need to get away.  I’d like to book a hotel room and actually would provided I knew the kids would be okay.  I think they will be, but seeing is believing and I might as well be here and save money instead of wasting it on a hotel room. 

Lonely is a word that I can’t seem to shake.  I am finding myself more and more alone in this world.  I constantly think about plotting my demise but then I think about the kids.  That is the only thing keeping me going.  I’ve thought about having them all put down and then taking care of myself but that wouldn’t be fair to them, it would be selfish on my part.  I said I would make him proud and that is a promise I have to live up to. 

The pressure and problems at work do not help matters any.  It’s horrible to wake up each morning and know that I am the only human in the house.  Then I have to come home to an empty house as well.  I have gotten used to it but I am still not over him.  Nor do I think I ever will be.

It’s like the Chili’s commercial that plays once and a while… I want my baby back, my baby back.  They are talking about Ribs I am talking about a human.  I just don’t understand why things had to play out like they did.

Well I need to do some surfing and then it’s off to catch Suits.  Not too excited about tonight's episode but perhaps it will be better than what I am expecting.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

Monday yes again!

All in all today was a decent day.  I had some interruptions.  The boss bothered me once, having a computer problem.  It’s with one of the check scanners I set up.  I think he is doing something wrong but don’t know for sure.  Waiting to hear from the bank and that will probably happen tomorrow.

I have been doing good on the hardware and cranking them out.  I’ve got it down to a little less than an hour.  Amazing how much you can get done when people leave you alone and you don’t run Windows Update or Defender. 

I did have one unit today brick on me.  By brick I mean it’s stuck it won’t do a damn thing.  The first step after booting up and going through the Windows setup is to run an update utility put out by the manufacture that gets some updates that fix some major flaws.  Well there are 2 updates.  It got one of them, applied it and then bricked it’s self.  I can’t restore either partial or full and it’s just plain stuck.  So I called and have a box coming to me that I will get to send it into the service depot.  They say that they will charge if this is user neglect or damage.  Well, it came out of the box there isn’t a scratch on it.  Hopefully I will have it back soon.  Meanwhile I just used one of the spare units. 

I was quite pleased when I got the mail tonight.  I got an autographed photo from NPH.  That was the best thing to happen to me all day long. 

My health insurance bill came, I have managed to pay for 6 months in advance.  Awesome!  I plan on keeping it that way, maybe not 6 months but at least paid ahead.  It’s a damn good deal and I don’t want to mess it up for anything or any reason.  There is no place on the planet that I could find insurance coverage cheaper.  Now if I got better coverage and it was free that would be about the only way. 

This is pay day week.  The boss man had a hell of a time working on payroll, I hope it got it right.  I really need those extra few pennies.  I will know soon enough, come Thursday.  Ironically that is also the day he leaves for the week.  So it’s really like an extra Friday if things are going well.

I am still mulling over if I want to go through with my plan.  I know doing nothing changes nothing but at the same time once I move forward there is no turning back.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t.  I am still not sure that it’s the right move.  The indications that I am getting are lay low, keep your mouth shut and find another job.  The sooner I get out of Dodge the better off I will be.  There are some unique learning experiences here with some of the projects I have been given and honestly I’d like to stay but if I am going to be treated worse than a dog then there is no point in it.  Not enough money in the world for that.  So I am looking. 

Speaking of which I need to see if there is anything new worth applying for.  Then it’s time to relax for a while.  Talk with you peeps later.

Risky Business

Friday was the best day of the entire week.  I was left alone and it turned out to be a very productive day.  That I am thankful for and pray that there will be many more days like Friday. 

So you remember my “plan” to deal with my boss.  Well I have had way too much time to think.  It is something that I have wanted to do before but talked myself out of.  Now I am waffling on doing it or not doing it.  The problem with my plan is if I act on it, there is no going back, no escape plan.  If I don’t act on it he can continue to treat me like a dog.  I have been thinking about this since last week and it’s causing me to doubt myself.  The one person I want to talk this over with, I can’t because he isn’t here.  Friends I have talked to about it are mixed, some say do it and some say don’t. 

As if the problems with my boss aren’t bad enough.  I referred a friend for a job, she wanted too much money so they parted ways.  Then she got fired from her job.  She had a plan to make money but is scared that she won’t be able to make a go of things.  So without talking with me first, she approaches my employer again and spits out a number, if they will meet it then she will come to work for them.  Then she calls me and tells me all about it.  Meanwhile I have already been confronted by the hiring manager.  That kind of pissed me off.  Plus this friend knows a lot of my “secrets” and I don’t want them exposed.

Then I talked to her about the issues I was having with my boss, she is luck in that she won’t have to report to him.  Anyway, she tells me that she has had a change of heart and doesn’t think she is taking the job after all.  I said what!  You put them through all of this emotional rollercoaster, they have already invested in you and now you want to spit in their face.  Really?  I mean do you have any idea on how you are making me look?

So them she tells me her plan is to delay her start date, which she has already done.  Then during the period of time where she is able to “think” she is going to review her finances and if she can club her husband into submission she is going to reject the job. 

I feel so used and betrayed.  I had a feeling from the outset that referring her would affect our friendship in a negative way.  Once again I went against my gut and now I am paying. 

I am friends with both people … the hiring manager and the person I referred.  I don’t really want to loose either as friends.  However, the person who I referred, well I am keeping my distance I honestly don’t want to know if she is going to turn down the job.

Then she has balls to write me and tell me to ask for a Tablet and Phone for her to use.  Really?  Why in the world would I do that if she is going to reject the job.  Plus I have no influence on what technology she gets.  I’ve already ordered a computer, dual screens and a headset.  Plus I got approval to sign her up for a service that we use to do research.  The cost is $350 a month and I signed for it and locked us in to a 1 year term.  Now you see what I mean by made an investment in her.  If we don’t get her then we will get someone else but that isn’t the point. 

Friends shouldn’t treat other friends like this.

Last night I went out to have dinner with some friends.  Of course no matter where I go it seems that Drama has to follow me.  I wind up in the oddest situations.  So I am in the parking garage trying to park.  There is a white pickup in front of me.  The guy stops his truck, gets out an picks up 2 2x4’s that were just laying on the ground.  He throws them in his pickup and moves forward.  Then suddenly stops.  I figured he was a maintenance person and he would be out of my way in a short bit.  No he is waiting for a parking spot to open up.  Really?  There is a line of traffic backing up behind me and he has the gall to wait on a spot.  No big deal until he decides that he is going to back in.  I swooped in and snagged his spot.  He of course stopped and had some choice words for me.  I never said a word to him, just looked at him like aw too bad.  Then I walked off, he had no choice but to move forward.  I waited a bit then went back and moved my car because lord knows what he was going to do to it.  I saw him as I was leaving he was walking.  I circled the block and saw him enter a door, then I parked way far away from him on a different level.  By the time we were ready to leave he was gone.  I thought sure he would track me down and do something to my car.  I’ll admit that I was in the wrong but don’t get in my way when I have some place to be.  He could have pulled face in, but no he had to be special and try to back in.

I am not sure if it was the new cologne I was wearing or something in the air but after that my nose just started to drip like a faucet.  It continued until I got home and was able to remove my clothes and take some Benadryl.  However, it took a long time for the Benadryl to kick in.  Today I am doing okay.

As if that wasn’t enough I followed a drunk driver, I was ready to call for help when they suddenly made an evasive maneuverer and exited the freeway.  That was also the exit I was supposed to take to get gas.  I lost track of where I was and developed tunnel vision.  My eyes were on them and no one else.  I pray they didn’t hurt anyone.

So the weekend has been interesting to say the least.  I got gas for my car this morning at the grocery store.  I saw the Sam’s club that was about to open.  They advertised the price of gas at $3.59 and said Member Price $3.91 – well I don’t want to be a member and get that price.  I think it’s a mix up.  I am a member but if they aren’t going to sell for less, then there is no way I will buy there.  They are scheduled to open in two weeks, really close to the Labor Day weekend.  That is when the traffic will start to pile up around here and no one will be able to go anywhere.  Sort of like Christmas time.  Oh joy!

I slept in and got a late start.  I told myself I was in for the day.  However, I have the urge for Mexican food so I think I will be headed out in a bit to get a bite to eat.  I didn’t have to pickup much at the store.  A couple pot pies, paper plates, sandwiches, I got a small salad, yogurt, cereal and milk.  Dropped $44, not so bad.  I have Lasagna left over from last night that will be a meal one night, the salad is another meal so two nights taken care of.  Then with the frozen stuff I have I should be able to manage the rest of the week.

My hope and prayer is that I can come to a decision on what I am going to do and that I act in my best interest.  I pray that this week is better than last and passes faster.  I also pray that my pay raise is factored in to my paycheck this time so I don’t have to say anything. 

With all of the upheaval in my life the last thing I need is a boss who is a complete dick.  I am dealing with quite a bit and really tired of walking on egg shells around him and wondering if he is going to snap and fire me.  I’ve come to the realization that he will probably put me through hell but he won’t fire me because I am saving them way too much money.  Then again people do stupid things in a fit of anger and he is a total hot head. 

So I am equally as frustrated today as I was the other night.  I hope that you had a great weekend and that your week ahead will be enjoyable.  Talk with you peeps later.