Addiction

It’s been said that everyone has their vice(s).  It’s no secret that one of mine is porn.  Ever since I was a teenager and saw my first porn movie (which happened to be straight porn) I was mesmerized  I had the normal physical reaction of a typical teenage boy and had some fun.  I was exposed to something that I shouldn’t have been at such a young age.  My mom was at fault for this because I was with her and we were at one of her friends houses, there was a party in the basement..  I am fairly certain they had drugs and that’s why I wasn’t permitted in the basement.  I was upstairs with some of the adults who were watching porn. 

I’m not exactly sure if this next part happened before or after the porn incident.  My mom used to subscribe to Playgirl and she didn’t hide it.  I managed to sneak out a few pages with naked guys that I used to get off to.  It was my secret and I remember that it felt really good.  The only problem is that I lived at home with my mom’s mother.  I don’t remember how exactly it came about but my grandmother found that material and she chewed my ass.  I got off light but she took the pages away.  She really lit into my mom and then my mom lit into me.  I was so sneaky I went into the trash and pulled those pages out and still have them to this day. 

I had what I would consider a normal sex life as I matured and am proud that I can still count on one hand the number of guys that I have been with.  I know that most people brag about high body counts and that seems to be a social norm.  Perhaps I might not be addicted to porn if I had a higher body count, but then again I don’t know that we will ever truly know that for certain. 

I said all of that to say that yesterday I was quite horny.  I got a brainy idea and subscribed to a video downloader, then went and joined an Only Fans and a Just For Fans page.  The guy’s page that I joined on Only Fans turned out to be a prick tease.  He advertised a specific collaboration project with him and a couple other guys  indicating that if you subscribed you would get to see that video.  However, that video isn’t on his page at all and I am pissed but then again I only spent $5.  He has no other content that I really want to see.  The Just For Fans page however is different and there is plenty of content there that I want.  I was more pissed when I found out that JFF implemented DRM (Digital Rights Management) and you can no longer scrape/download videos.  I thought I had “the mother load” but what I had turned out to be static. 

I am sure that you are familiar with the saying … Where there is a will there is away.  I am certain that there is a solution to this problem, it’s just a matter of finding it. However, it resonated with me how truly addicted that I am and that parting with money was top of mind but as I got into it I was willing to part with money and it was an after thought.  I get how when you have a habit you can just toss money out like it’s candy and find yourself deep in debt with nothing to show for it. 

I understand the platform is trying to protect their client aka the creator.  However, I feel that if I pay I should be able to download content and keep it for my own personal private use.  I know that other people download it and upload it in the wild so that anyone can download it without having to pay for it.  Which is a really good way to get malware and viruses on your machine.  I pay for the content that I have and believe in supporting the creators as well as studios.  I think that is only fair.  Kind of like walking into a store and getting a soda and a candy bar, it’s not free you have to pay for it. 

I remember when back in the day I threw money away like it was candy and bought porn in VHS format for $50 and $60 a pop.  I’ve got a hell of a collection but the VCR is out of date.  I moved to the DVD model and have quite the collection there.  I remember hearing a porn producer say once we came more into the digital age that streaming was the future.  There wouldn’t be whole movies released but rather individual scenes.  That is pretty well the case but you can still find movies in digital format.  Some of the big name gay studios will permit you to download photos and videos, while others will only permit you to stream content.  Sometimes you can pay less for a streaming only option. 

Why am I addicted?  Well it is my sex life as it is.  I really want the real thing but I am not a hit it and quit it type of guy.  Otherwise I would be on Grindr and other apps just looking for a hookup.  I’ve thought about doing that but I am way too scared not only that I would meet the wrong guy or that my five minutes of pleasure would have serious side effects that could be lifelong.  I would much rather meet a guy, make sure that we click and take things from there.  I am not in a hurry to jump into bed. 

One thing that I will say is that I have learned a lot from porn as to fetishes and other types of sex from mild to wild.  Somethings are gross and other things are a turn on.  However, if I had it to do all over again I would much rather be less dependent on porn and would like to have the real thing.  As the song goes there ain’t nothing like the real thing baby. 

I hope that you took something away from my blathering.  As usual I am glad that you stopped by.