Home Again

I got a case of Anal Glaucoma today.  I couldn’t see my ass going to work.  The condition won’t clear up until Friday so I am going to be home tomorrow as well.  What a pity.  I went to the doctor because I wasn’t feeling well and they now ‘think’ it’s a virus and no longer an infection.  Things look better and much to my amazement my lungs are clear.  I just feel wiped out in general.  All I want to do is sleep.  Considering that I have an interview tomorrow I asked for a note that would allow me to return on Friday.  I’ve already sent it in to Mr. Personality (aka the jack off I work for) and as usual no response.

Tomorrow is a big day because it’s when the bulk of the sites transfer to the new owner.  Meaning I will be responsible for supporting a whole lot less people.  If it wasn’t for the deposition that I have to give late next month I think they would cut me loose now.  However, I believe that is my only saving grace.  I figure come June if I don’t have a different job then I will probably be placed on the street. 

On the bright side I got to see Lawn Boy today.  It’s extra cold here for some strange reason so he was all bundled up.  However I got to see his assets and they are still looking fine.  He called me after he was done to tell me that there was grass all over what used to be my partners vehicle.  I told him not a problem the wind will take care of it.  He was willing to pay for a car wash but I said no big deal.  I mean the paint is peeling off of it.  It hasn’t been washed since last year and I doubt seriously it will see a car wash anytime soon.  I figured he was calling about the loud explosion when he hit something and it sounded like the front windows broke.  However, that was not the case.  The windows are fine – no cracks or breakage.  That would be the last thing I need.

The children are crawling all over me and they want attention, food and think that I should do a dance for them.  Daddy’s not exactly in a dancing mood right now.  I am freaking out with taking time from work.  Thinking that I am poking a sleeping bear and he is going to wake up and attack.  I am also freaking out that I have not a lot of money left and things well they can always be worse. 

I have my trust in God that he will provide.  I am excited about tomorrow and hope that this will be the last interview that I have to go on.  I did get a call from my dream job place in my back yard.  They wanted me to come in to take a test but they can’t accommodate my schedule so I passed.  I figured if I ask for anymore time off work they are going to scream.

Well I’m going to eat a Chef Salad which I am not excited about and see what I can find on TV.  There isn’t much.  I’ve been watching George Carlin re-runs on Netflix.  He was a damn funny guy, shame he is gone. 

Das all for now.  Ciao!

Ball of nerves

I’ve got 2 phone interviews this afternoon.  Around 11:30 this sense of overwhelming came over me.  I feel like I am in a panic and just can’t slow down.  My stomach is in knots.  It’s not over the interviews.  I think it’s generalized anxiety from being here at work. 

I went to bed early last night and that means I was up and down all night long.  The hardest part for me was climbing out of bed this morning.  Once I am up everything is usually okay.  I will be glad when all of this infection is gone and out of my body so I can feel normal all of the time. 

Severe weather was in the area for part of the evening, when it stopped I took the trash out and then was able to relax.  I just watched old stuff on TV – Monday there really isn’t anything on.  Tuesday is the same except for Tosh.O, there is something to look forward to.

My gut is telling me that my days here are very close to over with.  I think that after Thursday there really won’t be much of a need for me.  I could be wrong but only time will tell.  I really want to throw up my hands and walk away from it all.  However, since I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t see into the future I will just hang out here until they tell me not to come back or until I find something else.

I’ve been thinking about the past and how really simple life was and how it got complicated last year and the pressure continues to mount.  No wonder I want to blow my brains out.  I think I need a good long vacation that is truly a vacation.  However money and cats will prevent that from happening. 

Ugh, running out of thoughts.  Anxious to be able to call it a day and go home.  Only 4 and a 1/2 hours away.  Hopefully my phone interviews help occupy my time this afternoon.

Talk with you peeps later.

Week in a Day

This day is so long it feels like the entire week is passing by.  Yes, I am extremely bored.  That’s partially why I didn’t rush back to work, well that and the fact that my job is going to vaporize. 

I got a call for another phone interview.  I’ve got 2 of them setup tomorrow afternoon.  Holy cow.  My thinking is that if I am getting all of these calls that one of them will turn into a job.  It’s the law of averages.  I just hope it’s going to work in my favor. 

Severe Weather is moving into the area, it’s gong to be a stormy afternoon/evening.  If there is anything major that happens I hope it either skips my house or takes us all with it.  I can’t bear another problem.

Okay, so now I am counting the last hour down and can’t wait to jump ship.  4:30 sounds nice – little to no traffic.  However, with today being my first day back I feel as if I should stay longer, why I don't know I guess it’s that Catholic Guilt. 

Cheers!

Monday

I made it to the office.  No one said are you feeling better or made any to do over the fact that I was back from being ill.  That is NOT normal around here at a minimum at least one person says something.  I’ve chiseled my way through all of the voice mail and e-mails that I had.  I only have 1 thing left to do and well it’s not that important that I have to do it right now. 

I feel strange.  My head is clear and I can breathe which is a good thing.  However, my body is telling me that it doesn’t feel good.  It’s amazing that when your mind is focused on something else you forget all about those other feelings of being sick. 

Got quite a surprise this morning when I poured out my cereal.  I thought I got Apple Cinnamon Chex.  Nope I got Corn.  Ugh, that tastes totally different.  The worst part is I bought 2 boxes.  I wasn’t paying attention to the cover, I went by color and that is what got me.  Darn!  I will eat them but I don’t really like them. 

Supper will be the last of the left over Fried Chicken that I got last week.  Some mashed potatoes and I should be good.  Looking forward to being able to sit on the couch and do nothing. 

My boss is out today but should be back tomorrow.  Not looking forward to seeing him but then again it’s nothing new.  I don’t suspect he will say anything, if that were going to happen it should have been done by now.  I didn’t even bother to get a doctors note.  I know I’m living life on the edge. 

I am kind of all keyed up about Thursday and my interview.  I haven’t said anything and won’t until Thursday, it will be very last minute.  My hope is that this will be the last interview I have to attend for a very long time.  Looking for a job is scary.  Looking for a job now that my partner is gone is downright petrifying.  Everything hinges on my ability to bring in money.  That is a lot of responsibility to have. 

Considering that I am bored out of my mind now, I have changed up the theme on the blog.  I have no idea who the guy in the mast photo is but I liked it, so I thought I’d use it.  I found it on-line.

I’m wondering how the children are doing.  If Big Boy is in front of the window taking his afternoon sunshine nap.  Everyone else is probably curled up snoozing away.  Come 5:30ish they will all come to life and be ready for me when I get home.  Food, please.  Nothing really good on TV for a Monday. 

My neck hurts like crazy and I could use a massage and a large pay raise.  The only relief I will get won’t come until I get home.  Until then I just have to tough it out.  Sort of like passing away the rest of the day. 

Well on to surf and see what else I can find.  I will be glad when I don’t have so much time on my hands and have a way better job.  Until then I am just riding the storm out, which is not fun.  Talk with you peeps later.

Back 2 IT

I'm getting ready to watch Nurse Jackie and then call it a night.  I dread going to work tomorrow.  I hope this weeks interview pans out.  A great company, top notch benefits and I haven't even walked in the door and am ready to go to work there.  Please God let this be the one so I can end my search and move on to getting happy!  Shows on gotta go.

Sick

So I have been out of commission for a while.  Seems like a month has gone by but it’s only been 4 working days.  All I want to do is sleep.  I know that won’t help me get better so I force myself to eat.  I feel okay at the moment.  However, there are periods where I break out in a sweat.  I feel like total crap.  Rain or Shine I have to go back tomorrow if it doesn’t work out I can always leave but I at least have to try to brave it in. 

I found out that I didn’t get the job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago.  It would have been nice but they chose someone else.  That was not a major surprise to me.  I have an interview this week on Thursday afternoon, I feel a little guilty in taking the time to go to it but since my employer has shown no loyalty to me and has pretty well said pack your bags … I am going to go to the interview.  I don’t plan on making it known until very late in the week and it will be a last minute thing.  It’s close to where I work so I can walk, which is good.  Who knows 3rd time might just be the charm.

I am so depressed and missing my late partner.  I ventured out to the grocery store and spent $120 which is the most I have spent there in a long while.  I have a few things to do around here but no desire to do them. 

Getting back to a routine will be good for me mentally and physically.  I just hope and pray that things get better sooner rather than later.  I am in need of a serous break.

So I guess it’s off to do my house work, ho hum.  Hope all is well in your world.

Struck by a bus

I soon found out that my allergies were not to blame for me feeling miserable.  I am sick.  First time since my partner has passed.  I was brutally reminded that there is no one to take care of me and that I am all alone.  That was super depressing and I was pondering once again ending it all.  I miss him so much and while my life is a bit of a shambles now, it would be a lot easier with him here. 

My troubles if you care to know.  I woke up early on Tuesday morning (more like middle of the night).  I soon realized I couldn’t go back to sleep.  So I started watching TV and was up for hours.  I got back to sleep to get a cat nap and then I was up for the rest of the day.  I called the Dr.’;s office to ask for a prescription to hopefully minimize my time off.  They told me they would comply and wound up calling me back later in the day saying I needed to come in and they couldn’t see me until Wednesday.  I was not happy.

I threw on some clothes and headed to the Doc in the Box.  I was diagnosed with a Sinus Infection, Ear Infection and Bronchitis.  I was given a pee wee antibiotic that didn’t appear it was going to work.  I took it and called it a day.

This morning I woke up and it felt something like I was struck by a bus.  I was miserable.  So I hoisted my self out of bed and began the morning ritual and I knew I wasn’t going to work.  I stayed up and passed the time by watching the morning news.  Told my boss that I wouldn’t be in.  Once again he was cold and distant – no response.  Normally I get some form of acknowledgement but I realize he no longer cares about me and can’t wait to get rid of me.  Believe me when I say the feeling is more than mutual. 

I went to the doctors office.  The nurse said what brings you here.  I said my car.  I mean that is the damn dumbest question.  Ask me why I need to see the doctor or what’s wrong or what’s going on, not what brings me here.  Anyway I was soon on my way with a heavier antibiotic as well as steroids.  Headed to the pharmacy. 

I picked up those prescriptions, plus 2 cans of chicken soup and a large bottle of Gatorade Fruit Punch.  I figured it can’t hurt. 

I came home had a phone interview, ate my chicken soup.  Watched a little TV and then passed out for an hour.  I mean no interruptions, no cats, no nothing I was just out.  I woke up feeling a little better. 

Then I came downstairs and started to pay bills.  I realized there isn’t enough money in the bank to pay the cable bill.  Those fuckers raised my rates so I had to put this months bill on a credit card.  I got everything else paid so were good for now.  Until the next pay check when I get to do it all over again and then I will be taking from savings to pay for the damn water heater. 

Oh I forgot I stopped by the post office and saw an EOB for my partner.  I said that is kind of odd.  I opened it and it’s for my blood work that was done at my last dr. visit.  They want $1,000.00 and got paid nothing because the doctor didn’t tell the lab that my insurance had changed.  I know they will be sending me a bill and I am already, ready to tell them sorry insurance changed.  Hopefully that will reduce and delay the expense. 

Sorry to jump all over the place.  I did a phone interview yesterday with an IT Outsourcing Firm that is coming to my area.

- -

So at the end of the day I am still depressed and wondering how things are going to work out.  I wonder which job if any will come through and if I will have to go through any unemployment or if I will be able to tell them what I have always wanted to say … take this job and shove it.  I am so tired of negative and ready for some positive.  Like the song goes …, Turn the Beat Around.  I feel like a trapped passenger on a slowly sinking ship. 

That’s the quick and dirty for today.  I am out of vacation time by my records.  I realize they probably won’t charge me for the water heater day but I am counting it.  I say we are even.  Now if I need more time off I will take it and that’s that.  My plan is to return tomorrow, hopefully my body will comply and we can get this train wreck of a week over with so that I can relax if only for a couple days. 

Here is hoping my numbers are drawn tonight in the lottery.  I need a major good break in a very bad way!  Talk with you peeps later.

Ready 2 Go

The pressure is building in my sinuses, my teeth hurt.  Still unsure if this is allergies or if I am getting sick.  I took a Benadryl at lunch which has helped a little.  Hopefully the drowsiness stays away for a while. 

My phone is blowing up today.  I got a call from some company I could barley understand the guy and honestly my mind was on my nose and how bad I felt.  Anyway, I’ve got a phone interview with him tomorrow.  Then a bank a couple blocks away called and wanted me to come over on Wed. for an interview.  They said how about 11 and I said how about 5:15.  That turned them off.  The guy said he would get back to me but I honestly don’t think he will call me back.

So I am getting phone calls.  That is great news.  The one phone call I want to get hasn’t come in yet.  That is the one saying your hired, when can you start?  I am on pins and needles waiting but it’s not going to happen when I want it to. 

Can’t wait to get home, I am gong on the roids.  They will help out and if I still feel crappy by the weekend well then I can work on getting to a doctor.  Right now I just need to feel better so that I an come to work everyday and stay well in case a new job calls. 

I was worried about a pre-employment drug test and roids but they won’t show because they are corticosteroids and in drug tests for employment, they look at illegal substances like pot, cocaine, meth, etc.  The only thing they will find in my system is sleeping medicine and it’s dispensed via a prescription.  So no worries. 

Just sitting here counting the minutes.  No new interesting jobs today.  I am checking all the time and am not shy about applying.  I just don’t get the people I work with, thinking oh well something will work out.  One day they are all going to wake up and freak because things didn’t work out and they have no job.  Not that I am worried about ANY of them, because I am NOT.  I can’t wait to cut the strings and be free.

Well back to suffering and counting.  Joy!

Long Boring Day

It’s Monday again!  That means it’s time for another long boring day at work.  I am not sure if my allergies have gone wonky on me or if I am getting sick.  Woke up not feeling the greatest.  Apparently I’ve been drinking sinus soup all night long.  My nose is running on occasion, I’ve sneezed a bit and even a cough or two.  I’ve got extra allergy medicine in me to make it through the day or so I hope.  I’ve been hitting the water hard in the hopes that I can flush this out.  If things aren’t better by tonight I will supplement with a Benadryl, which will kick my ass and knock me out. 

The bigger debate is supper – soup or chicken pot pie.  I was set for soup but the pot pie sounds good as well. 

Last night I had a pint of Chocolate with Peanut Butter ice cream by Hagen Daz.  I think that might be the culprit.  If it’s not that then some Potatoe Salad that I had with lunch yesterday.  After that is when I noticed that my nose picked up the pace.  I took a Claritin and shortly after a nap.  Felt fine and then came this morning. 

I hope that it’s only allergies.  I got an e-mail from my doc yesterday he said that my cholesterol was up and that I need to watch my diet.  Also that my liver function showed abnormality, so we need to follow up again in 3 months.  I told him that I didn’t fast before the test and he said next time to fast.  My blood sugar is elevated as well, so I guess I should limit my sweet tooth. 

However, with losing my partner and soon my job the only thing I can think of doing is eating.  I enjoy it and it’s semi-good for me.  We all have our vices and mine are food and sex.  I can always get food!

I just got a sales call at work… so you are the decision maker for your organization from an IT standpoint.  I said yes until the first of the month.  Oh are you retiring.  I said no we are going out of business.  Holy shit that cut the call very short.  That is like the only benefit or upside to this going out of business thing. 

It’s the first of the week and I am waiting, hoping and praying for good news from my interview last week.  Right now it’s not a terrible worry but the longer it goes on the more I will think my chances have diminished.  I know I made a connection during the interview but how many other people has he talked to?  He probably makes that connection all the time.

People here are working their fingers to the bone and I am just sitting back and giving the illusion that I am working.  I think it’s kind of funny in a way.  Now there is real work to do and I have a list of it but I am just taking my good old sweet time in getting to those things.  None of which needs to be done right now.  I’ve got plenty of time. 

The jobs start posting to the web by mid-day and so I will have some searching to do but thus far I haven’t found anything new.  I did apply for 3 on Saturday night.  The more I apply the greater my odds of getting a job before the hammer falls here. 

We have one holiday left which is Memorial Day.  I’ve got a couple weeks left before I have to burn what is left of my vacation which will be a whopping 2 or 3 days, depending upon their record keeping.  I will be scheduling something probably next week, that is provided I don’t have to call in sick. 

Easter was just another day for me.  I spent the entire day at home with the children.  They liked it because they got lots of attention and food.  I liked it because it was a relaxed pace for a day, no hurry here or hurry there.  Doing all of the running on Saturday might be my new thing. 

I got Shy Girls claws trimmed.  She got away from me two times.  Finally I figured out put some weight on her back and she won’t go anywhere.  She was a spitting mess and she went to the bathroom on me, the floor and anything else that came in her path.  I ran out of paper towels on me so I had to use my handkerchief and rather than wash it I just threw it away.  Her claws were starting to curl under.  I got most of them pretty good but there are a couple where I just took off the tip and nothing more because she was being a bitch.  It’s all good now that it’s over with but she was not a happy camper.  Perhaps next time I will catch her under different circumstances.  Ever since my guy has been gone, she really puts up the fight like I am going to kill her.  Now the thought has crossed my mind but I won’t do her any harm.  She is my little Tasmanian devil of a cat. 

The house got hot over the weekend and I had to turn on the AC.  Also the floor is still wet in the basement.  I put a space heater on it and that helped a little bit.  I wonder if the carpet will ever dry.  If you have any tips, let me hear them.  I’ve gone over the thing twice with the carpet shampooer to get as much water up as possible.  Now it’s just damp and refuses to dry. 

I am ready to go back to bed or go for a ride, anything is better than sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to pass the time.  I suppose this is a small taste of what prison is like, except from what I hear they don’t let you sit around and pass the time on your own, you have to work or get involved with some group activity.  If I was at home I would have the same dilemma but at least I could take a nap.

Happy Easter Monday!  Talk with you peeps again soon.

HEARTBLEED

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have no doubt heart about the Security Flaw ‘Heartbleed’.  There are plenty of articles on-line that you can Google to explain it better. 

The best thing to do is change your passwords.  However, prior to changing your passwords, you should run each website that your logging on through a heartbleed checker.  If the company hasn’t taken the proper measures, your password could still get compromised. 

You can find a website to check sites against and get a free password manager from the fine folks at Last Pass .  Last Pass will help you generate secure passwords and automatically fill them in for you, so you don’t have to remember a million passwords.  You only have to remember one and that is to login to your Last Pass account. 

Another step you can take ….

If you subscribe to Yahoo Mail or GMAIL they both offer something called 2 Factor Authentication.  This means that you have to have a password plus a random code that is generated each time you login.  The code is sent to your smart phone via a text or a phone call.  You may also see some other sites offering this, if it’s offered, turn it on and use it.  This is your best defense to keep all of your information secure. 

I just spent a couple hours and changed all of my passwords.  It’s not a fun task but it’s something that we all need to do on a periodic basis.  I think we should have a National Change Your Password day – not that it will get anyone a day off but just to remind you to do something that really needs to be done. 

Happy Easter!

Massage it all away

With all of the stress and pressure in my life, I sure could go for a nice massage now.  My neck and shoulders hold all of my tension and considering the fact that I am at work, I can feel the tension.  It would be nice to lay down on a table, listen to some music and have someone (guy or gal) rub away all of the pain, tension and worry.  I can arrange for that to happen but it takes this little thing called money.  Of which I don’t want to spend right now, unless I have to.  This is a need and a want but it’s something that I know I can live without, at least for a while longer. 

Thursday night went by pretty fast.  I got my mail and the box was full to the brim.  That happens on a very rare occasion now.  When there was 2 of us it was a more common thing.  Anyway, it was filled with drugs.  I owe the mail order pharmacy a nice chunk of change.  In addition to that I found out that I have a $25 co-pay for my doctors office visit.  I thought they were covered in full but hey I will take it.  It beats paying for the whole office visit, which is what I used to have to do. 

I am still walking the fence and a bundle of nerves when it comes to the job I interviewed for.  It’s just one of those things that I will think about until I know how it turned out.  If for any reason it fails to come through, I hope my next interview is around the corner.  I haven’t heard from anyone else.  I do feel like reaching out to the first place that rejected me and asking them what I did wrong in my interview or what I could have done better.  I mean it’s been 2 weeks, you should know by now if your hiring the person you selected and I suspect they are.  However, I won’t push it because I really don’t value the feedback from the person who did the interview.  He was wet behind the ears and clearly very new to the process. 

The children didn’t want me to leave this morning, which is nothing new.  I go through that most every morning.  Daddy come rub my belly.  Daddy please don’t leave.  Yeah, if I want to pay the bills I have to walk out the door.  I assure them it’s my intention to come back.

Today being Good Friday, there isn’t many people on the road this morning.  The garage was close to empty.  I hope to be able to leave early.  It kind of depends upon my boss and if he is on-line or not.  I know that he is usually done somewhere between 4 and 4:30 so that is early enough for me.  If I can get away with leaving earlier so be it. 

Next week will be the last full week that we have all of our buildings.  Then the following week on Thursday is when they transfer to the new owner.  After that only 3 will be left and we have a couple months with them.  I hope they don’t do any cutting of staff until closer to the end, especially when it comes to me.  I think they need me to provide answers to the new owners if they have any, to do the IT thing that I do until as close to the end as possible.  Then again I could be wrong. 

My plans for the weekend are to box up and return a cordless phone set that I bought.  One of the handsets mic doesn’t work.  I am debating if I want to replace it or just let it go back and do without.  I’d save myself $100 but then again I might just replace it.  I will of course have to do the grocery shopping and cat food stuff.  I need a hair or two cut and would like to get some serious sleep on.  Outside of that not much going on. 

It would be a good weekend to travel to the buffet but it’s probably better from a cost perspective that I stay home.  Besides that there is something about not having to go out that is appealing to me. 

What I am so looking forward to is supper tonight.  A can of Steak and Shake Chili on top of a couple hot dogs, some cheese and a soda.  Now that will be a nice meal.  Might not be healthy but it will be a nice meal.  Then plenty of time to relax and watch TV.  if I feel like it I still have a quart of Cherries Garcia not sure if I will polish that off.  I am ready to start by leaving now and just waiting until later. 

Oh good news they just announced we can leave at 3 pm today because it’s Good Friday.  That is awesome.  Maybe I will try to get my haircut today instead of having to wake up early tomorrow.  If they are not busy that will be awesome. 

Scrolling through a professional social network, I saw a guy I used to work with.  He was a runner and had a very tight body not to mention his bum, oh it was like a slice of heaven.  We didn’t exactly get along and I know he doesn’t care for me.  Still it was interesting to see his photo and what he has been up to. 

Well I will go deal with my boring day, by doing what I did yesterday surf.  That is unless the phone rings and I actually have to work.  God forbid! 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend!  Take care, be well and God Save The Queen!  By Queen I mean me. 

Some Good News

I logged on to my credit card companies website and they offered me an increase in my credit line.  That was unexpected and nice.  Now I can get further into debt.  No worries I will be very careful.  Nice to know that if some calamity happens I will have a way to pay for it.

In surfing today I see where it’s time to advertise that my state has a bunch of unclaimed property.  I always search but nothing ever hits.  Well today is my lucky day I am owed 2 refunds from Symantec.  Not exactly sure how much they are but I have the necessary paperwork to claim them.  It will take like 12 weeks before they get around to sending me my money.

Being bored, I ran everyone’s name that I knew that lived in the same state.  I found a couple friends some money they are owed as well.  One of them was a friend of the family.  He probably had no clue that I was gay but I wrote him an e-mail and told him that my partner died.  I figure he can put 2 and 2 together.  While some hetero’s refer to their mate as a partner it’s much more common in the gay community.  I told him all about losing my job, my mom having a stroke and how life generally sucks for me right now.  Then I told him about the money I found for him.  Haven’t heard from him and not sure that I will.  The gay might scare him away, but it’s okay by me.  If you don’t want to talk to me because I am gay well then, it’s your loss.

I’ve seen the job I interviewed for last night posted on a couple more sites.  It’s probably more of an automatic kind of thing.  I’ve been going back and forth in my mind as to weather or not they will call me to extend an offer.  Part of me says no because of what I don’t know.  Part of me says yes, because they wouldn’t have to pay as much as if I already had the knowledge.  It’s truly a guess on my part and I will just have to wait and see how it plays out.  The suspense will kill me but I am really praying.  It’s a unique opportunity and would be a great move, or so I think.  Plus I would be working in my state so no more filing 2 state tax returns after this year.  That would be a blessing in disguise.  Because I get killed every year on taxes.

I found some writings from my partner and started to read them.  It was like he was standing next to me.  I started to tear up and felt like I wanted to cry.  People here wouldn’t understand if I were to burst out into tears.  So I just held it in and wiped away the tears.  The writings I saw reminded me once again that he loved me and that he couldn’t make it without me and he truly appreciated me going the extra mile for him.  Then he talked about not checking out anytime soon.  That kind of got to me because well he’s been checked out for over a year.  I wish he would come back.  Since that can’t happen I only hope that when the time is right I find someone who is as loving and appreciative as he was. 

If I were to put in a whole days work we have an hour a 15 minutes.  I am not putting in a whole days work.  I am leaving early.  I’ve got 2 days worth of mail to pickup and sort through.  Not to mention feeding the children and having some me time.  Last night things were so rushed and I was so short on time.  The kids got their meals and I managed to pacify them, even though a couple of them count on time with me.  That didn’t and couldn’t happen.  I was wiped out!

That’s all I know at the moment, besides the fact that I didn’t have a single number in the lottery and that passing the day by surfing the web all day long to give the appearance that you are working, makes for a very long day.  Plus it’s not something that I want to come back to.  I have maybe an hours worth of work to do and after that I am done, with totally nothing to do.  So I just keep putting it off. 

The best things about if I get this job is I will be surrounded by primarily men and there won’t be any food day’s or pot lucks.  That will be such a welcome change for me.  Were having a food day tomorrow even though most of the office took off because it’s Good Friday. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Good Interview

As you can no doubt tell from the title the interview went really good.  I was grilled a lot and I knew most things but not everything.  I even asked if not knowing the answers to everything was a deal breaker and I was told no.  Benefits t-totally suck.  No retirement/savings plan of any kind.  No direct deposit (it’s a technology company, come on) and 1 week of vacation.  They offer health insurance but I don’t need that.  I tried to negotiate an extra week of vacation but that didn’t work.

Since I don’t know everything, the amount of money that I asked for and the amount of money they are willing to give me will vary.  I wasn’t given specifics but told that they just couldn’t pay me what I was asking for.  However, we can negotiate so that is not bad. 

They do supply a company vehicle so that is a plus.  I can drive it to and from work if I get the job.  So no racking up miles on my car, which is an added plus. 

While it’s not my dream job and certainly will lack in pay and benefits it beats being unemployed.  I feel there is a huge opportunity to broaden my skills and learn a bunch of different things, which in the end will make me more valuable. 

I pray they extend an offer to me and that the money won’t be that big of a deal.  Only time will tell.  I am pretty excited.  I did manage to negotiate in a MIFI device or an Air Card, and explained that it would be helpful if I was on the road and had to pull over to help someone.

Hours for this job are not set.  You start in the morning and finish up at 5, 6 or 7:30 at night.  There is no on-call and no weekend work.  Oh vacation you can’t turn off your cell phone but there is a slim chance you could get bothered.  At least when I take a day off it’s mine for the exception of maybe talking with a co-worker once and a while.  Just have to make sure that I keep my cell phone number private, which won’t be an easy task. 

I think this job has me written all over it.  I just hope they see that and we can give it a go.  Pay is every week on Friday and they give you a check.  I haven’t been paid every week for a very long time!  That will take some getting used to plus I will have to make changes to where I bank.

Well I have a little bit of work to do here at the “farm” and then it will be back on the job hunt.  I am hitting this extra hard to hopefully minimize if not kill any potential for down time. 

No matter when I get an offer from someone, as long as it’s affordable for me I plan on taking a week off and going off the grid just because I need it.  I have no idea what it will feel like not being pestered and having to check e-mail or thinking the worst when my phone goes off. 

I will keep you posted.   I will talk with you peeps later.

Long & Boring

The title describes my work day to a T.  I’ve been here for a few hours and already I am ready to go home.  I’ve surfed for a job.  I’ve surfed for entertainment.  I am just so damn bored.  I have a little bit of work to do but considering it won’t make a huge impact I am putting it off for a while to give me something to do another day.  Coming to work when you know that your job is ending is well a less than pleasurable experience.  It was way different when I only had thoughts that it was ending compared to actually knowing that it is ending.  Hardly anyone was here yesterday.  Friday will be a ghost town but they are having a food day, go figure on that. 

I have plans to leave early today because I have my interview.  I will be leaving early on Friday because well there won’t be anyone here.  I will have to stick around until at least 4 but after that it’s fair game.  My boss will be off-line and ready to start his weekend.

I went to bed on a high note, woke up on a high note and then I got here and all of my notes went flat.  I am still excited for tonight and interested to see how things go.  It may be my ticket to freedom, it may just be practice. 

Jumper is the only one sleeping with me at night.  Big Boy seems to like it in the living room with all of the other critters.  Partly because his bed has not been brought back upstairs.  I figured a break from it might help teach him that it’s not a litter box but a bed.  Jumper is a noisy guy.  Once he sees a sparkle of daylight he thinks it is time to get up.  If I move in bed, he thinks I am awake and starts nagging me to get up.  he had me all clawed up this morning.  Guess who is getting a nail trim?  He won’t be too happy about it. 

Speaking of nail trims, I wasn’t able to get Shy Girl over the weekend so this week or weekend she is fair game.  I am hoping that the opportunity will strike for me to get to her without a bunch of drama just like last time.  she tolerates it better and me chasing after her only makes her madder and more scared. 

Basement is drying out, slowly.  Sure helped to suck up all of the water.  Still smells like a basement and that never used to be the case.  I will deal with that later.  Right now is all about recovery and trying to find work before my present job ends. 

Lawn Boy called me last night.  He said his name at the start of the call and it just caught me off guard.  I thought he was my long lost friend who decided to stop talking with me and then he started talking about cutting grass and presto, the brain kicked in.  He will be by today to start the season and every 2 weeks there after.  I hope for sure that I don’t have to tell him to stop until the end of the season but if I lose my job I will have to cut costs and that will mean mowing my own grass or maybe just maybe I could con my brother into doing it.  I seriously doubt it.

Well I am ready for a nap but they don’t allow those here.  I should start smoking, it would give me something to do.  Those people take 2 hours a day in breaks.  Plus lunch.  I can’t wait until they all wake up and find themselves in a real job where that shit won’t fly.  Not to mention 1/2 of the other stuff they pull here.  You have to actually work in the real world if you want to get paid.  You can’t meander your way through a job, if you do they will can you faster than you can say cream corn. 

Speaking of canning, I got a text yesterday that told me 3 of the long time managers at my old job were all fired yesterday.  That was quite a shock, but I guess it’s a new company and they want their people doing the work and not some perceived outsider doing the job.  That is the thing with mergers and acquisitions, there is always a staff change, turnover and new things as well as people to adjust to. 

Doing the job search thing really sucks.  I would rather be booking interviews and get this experience behind me.  Of course as soon as I accept an offer that is when one or two more will come out of the wood work.  Once I make a commitment I usually stick with it, however I am in this for money so if company a offers $5 and company B comes along for $10 and were talking about the same work, then I will chose company B an d tell company A that they need to find someone else.  It is a no brainer.

I watched Ride Along last night.  I needed a good laugh and that movie provided it a couple of times.  You need to see the movie plus that gag reel.  I got it from Amazon in HD for $5.99 for 48 hours of rental.  Not the best deal but it beats the $20 they wanted to purchase it.  Why would I buy it when I don’t even know if I will like it?  That doesn’t make sense to me.  I would enjoy a real life ride along but wouldn’t act crazy like the guy did in the movie.  Way too much risk and while it was only a movie if that was real life then things could have gone horrible wrong.  More than likely one of them would have wound up fatally wounded.  Real life is scary and there is no do overs or take backs.  If we had those abilities then life would certainly be much more interesting for all of us. 

I am going to see what other kind of trouble I can get into.  I will talk with you peeps later.  2 more days until the weekend!

Water, Water, Everywhere….

The water heater had to be replaced.  It was leaking and it created a mess in the basement and also in my bank account.  I stayed home today and called 1st thing for someone to come look and quote me on a replacement.  They were supposed to show up at 1pm but didn’t show until 2pm.  It was 4pm when they were done.  A simple job but it seemed like it took forever.  $1,700.00 later and I have hot water. 

I have cleaned the water from the carpet with the carpet cleaner.  Emptied two buckets worth and hopefully things will dry out.  It smells all musty and horrible.  I sprayed some Febreeze on it and hope that will take care of it. 

Got a call last night and it was for a possible job.  This one is working for an IT Outsourcing company and being a traveling technician.  The only thing I don’t know is if they supply a vehicle.  I won’t be using mine for business work – even if they reimburse mileage.  If you use your vehicle in business you should tell your insurance company so you are properly protected.  The problem with doing that is your rates go way up.  Not to mention the mileage, the repairs, etc. and I’ve got enough going on.  I mean if they throw money at me I may not have a choice but I am inclined to decline if they say I have to use my own vehicle.  I would really have to think about it before I just up and say no.  Anyway, interviewing with them tomorrow after work.  I scoped it out today and turns out it’s right next door to the Bankruptcy Attorneys office.  How convenient!

I am wore out from today.  Not to mention I had to take a “vacation day” but I was bothered off and on with work bs.  I can’t wait to get away from those needy bastards.  Vacation day means I don’t work, but you still pay me.  I only have a couple days left and plan on using them but doing so sparingly.  I’ve got a bit to play with them and knowing they are there is a good feeling.

My life seems to be spinning out of control… first my partner, then the house and legal crap, now my job, the water heater, cats, I need a new roof and need to apply for a loan in August.  I’m telling you it really seems easier to take a bunch of pills and pray that I don’t wake up or do something else to ensure that I won’t wake up.  It’s the chickens way out but I honestly don’t know how much more I can take.  They say that God won’t give you more than you can handle but I really feel like there is a huge burden on me.  I am ready for the times and the money to get better.  That way I can afford the new roof and all of the other expenses that go with being a homo homeowner! 

Saw a job tonight that I applied for an interviewed for more than 2 years ago back when I was out of work.  It’s something that I really wanted.  I actually passed by their office when I interviewed on my vacation and was wondering about the company.  Apparently they are still going strong.  Maybe they will hire me.  Who knows.  It’s purely a guess right now. 

I’ve got to prep for my interview, clean up the house, feed the children (again), shave and prep for work.  By then I should just drop and not need to take sleeping pills.  It’s been a whirlwind day and having all of this BS hanging over my head really isn’t doing me much good. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Explosion

My water heater exploded.  I didn’t figure it out until late yesterday afternoon.  The hardest part was getting the darn thing re-lite.  I saved the cleanup of the water for tonight.  That won’t be a fun job but I can only do so much at one time.

Made it to work, looking for a job.  Finding jobs for others in the office but nothing for me.  I did find a couple of cold contacts and I will be sending them each something in the mail.  My printer at home is out of paper so I have to wait until I get home to fill it.  Then I can finish printing and get those envelopes ready to go out tomorrow. 

When you have nothing to do it makes for a very long day.  I could easily go home now and it’s only 1pm.  I made the mistake of wearing a long sleeve shirt and my arm itches.  It’s cold out but still short sleeves are right for this time of year.  Can’t wait to get home and take it off. 

Speaking of taking it off, how about the Zac Efron going shirtless at the MTV Movie awards.  I saw that on FB and snapped that photo of him.  He looks delicious!

Saw the premier of Nurse Jackie, it was just okay.  Had my Cherries Garcia and it was good.  I think they need more cherries and less chocolate.  Momma tried to get some but I wouldn’t let her. 

A good nap and then some time to get my evening chores done sounds about right.  I plan on leaving early today.  One person already left for the day because it’s her birthday.  She is a lazy ass bitch and if she can get someone else to do her work she does.  Like mother, like daughter. 

I guess I am becoming too jaded about this place.  I just can’t wait to get out.  I want to be the first one out and then I don’t care about the rest that are left behind.  It’s like a contest.  If I am not the first one out, then at least let me get out before they close the doors on us.  That will be reward enough. 

Normally I forward my home phone to my cell so that I don’t miss any calls.  I decided not to forward it in the hopes that it will cause someone to call me for an interview.  Thus far no luck. 

Ah well, trying to hang in there and find something to occupy my time that I have left here.  There is some work for me to do but I really don’t feel like doing it and thinking it will provide something for me to do tomorrow or whenever I decided to. 

Happy Monday!  Talk with you peeps again soon.

Eaten by a lion

 

If you think that because you do nice things, the world will treat you better, you are fooling yourself. 

I hate spending my weekend looking for a job.  So here’s goes my run down of my Sunday….

Went to bed late.  Woke up in the middle of the night, changed beds.  Woke up later than normal….10am.  Holy cow.  Had my left over pizza for breakfast and oh yeah fed the children.  Then got dressed and hit up the pet food store, grocery store, gas station, stopped at a mailbox and then came home. 

Unloaded all of the stuff in my trunk.  I spent entirely too much money.  Tried Mr. Pibb Zero and it’s not bad.  Had hot dogs for lunch.  Continued laundry.  Went after Shy Girl, she has disappeared in the house and I can’t find her anywhere.  She will come out when I start banging the food can.  If not then I have a serious problem.

I wound up taking a nap, which was against my plans.  Only because it will be harder to get to sleep tonight.  Ramping up for the premier of Nurse Jackie.  I hope it’s good.  I got some Cherries Garcia Ice Cream to celebrate this!

Searched for a job both answering ads and looking to apply cold at different companies in the area.  Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow knowing that it’s another day closer to the end. 

Excited about supper tonight – fried chicken and mashed potatoes. 

That is as exciting as it gets from here.  Not too much else to say.  I hope one of my lottery tickets hits the jackpot this week then my worries will be over.  Now wouldn’t that be a happy ending to all of the shit that has gone down over the past 2 years. 

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, what’s left of it.  Talk with you peeps later.

Sat-ur-day

Woke up around 9.  Got the children fed.  Got dressed and went out the door.  Had my car emissions inspected.  Then got breakfast.  I was craving French Toast so I got 2 orders, 2 sausage patties and 3 scrambled eggs.  Washed it all down with a Diet Coke. 

Swung by the post office and picked up the mail.  Got a check for $35 from a rebate offer.  My AAA Membership renewal came, that was a surprise, I didn’t expect.  Came home, watched some TV.  Crashed with Jumper and his sister in my bed.  Stayed there until a little after 2pm. 

Got up, fed the children again.  Ate some M&M’s and watched a little TV.  Then started cleaning like a mad fool.  Decided that I would make a day of it tomorrow with the grocery store and cat food – all in one day. 

Started laundry, put out my pills.  Looked for a job for a long time on the internet.  Found a goodie and it took me over an hour to apply because their website sucked.  Found a couple of others.  I noticed that I am seeing ads that would benefit co-workers so I am helping them as well.  It’s not going to get my anywhere but it can’t hurt anything.  I am NOT helping everyone, only select people.

Made sure bills were paid.  Watched some porn.  There you have it.  My day in a nut shell.

Now I am headed upstairs to make, a frozen pizza and find something interesting to watch on TV.  Then I will call it a night.  I have to medicate the children.

Last night I watched a movie, I think it was called A Necessary Death.  It’s a documentary.  A film maker put an ad on craigslist that he wanted someone who was going to commit suicide and he would film the process from start to end.  Why I felt compelled to watch this, I have no idea.  Once I started it just sucked me in.  So he interviews several people and finds one person who is going to do it.  Because he has a non curable brain tumor and doesn’t want to endure any of the pain as the tumor spreads.  It’s not a good way to go.  The film has a lot of twists and turns.  In the end the guy goes through with it but there is a surprise ending.  You don’t see the actual death, but you do see the body after the guy is dead.  It was horrific and I had to find something to cheer me up. 

That might explain why I spent so much time sleeping. I don’t want to feel the pain that the world offers me with knowing that my partner is gone and knowing that if I don’t get lucky my job too will be gone.  The future doesn’t look bright but then again it’s not totally dark yet either. 

Spring is a bloom here and that means that Lawn Boy will be wanting to start his mowing soon.  I just hope that I can afford to pay him, otherwise I will have to buy a mower and cut grass on my own.  With my allergies that won’t be a good thing.  I will do what I have to in order to survive.  Cutting grass isn’t the worst thing in the world. 

Well that’s all I know.  Off to eat pizza and see what I can find on the TV to entertain me for the rest of the night.  Cheers.

Lazy Night

Went to lunch with the girls at work.  It was a nice time and good food.  We were all relaxed and our desire and drive to care about our jobs and returning on time, well that went out the window.  People are not doing anymore than they have to.  All of the extras that they got from us, gone.  Just like our jobs will be gone.  I mean it’s hard to care when you know in the end you will be put out to pasture. 

I’ve done a fair amount of networking.  I’ve called everyone I can think of and if they didn’t get a call, I sent an e-mail asking for help with a job.  I approached a complete stranger this morning because we see each other often and she is with a well known organization.  I told her about what occurred and she was shocked.  I gave her a business card and told her if she thinks of anything to let me know.  I mean it can’t hurt and she knows a ton of people.  Every person brings with them an opportunity to open a door to a better and brighter future for me. 

No other interviews or phone screenings in the works.  No other phone calls.  I think it’s back to waiting for the next wave to come in.  Hopefully that happens soon.

Tonight will be my lazy night, where I watch TV all night and then crash in bed.  Doing nothing other than feeding the kids, getting me fed and that’s it.  I am ready to go now, so sleepy.  I still have an hour but I think since it’s Friday and there is no management here I will be leaving super early.  Not an hour but maybe a 1/2 hour. 

I’ve had a rash of virus/malware infections to deal with lately.  Mostly because we are continuing to use outdated technology and people don’t bother to patch their machines.  There are some people that I am happy I will never work with again.  There are others that I will genuinely miss.  I am thankful that I had the opportunity to travel to various states and see places and experience things that I otherwise wouldn’t have.  There are some positives to take away from what has otherwise been a negative experience.  Now I just hope to move on up to a nice position, maybe even a pay increase.  I just have to keep on the dreaded job search which btw sucks even if you do have a job. 

Looking for work is a full time job.  People here are using their work time to look for jobs.  I can’t say that I blame them.  I’ve done that before and it’s paid off for me.  I mean after you work all day then you go home and look for a job, I don’t think that is most peoples idea of fun. 

Speaking of fun, this is claw trimming weekend for Shy Girl and we all know that won’t be a good time for either her or I.  She loves to bait me into trying to give her a belly rub.  She rolls over and shows me her stomach and then when I make a move toward her she jumps up and runs off.  Silly.  She has one bad temper and the venom really flies when she is worked up.  If we ever did true battle I would loose and probably be in the hospital.

Well, I need to wrap up a few things and get ready to drive on home.  The saddest part of losing my job is that I will miss seeing my eye candy.  However, I am hopeful that my next job will provide eye candy as well as people with actual personalities that aren’t 2 faced backstabbing bitches. 

Have a great weekend, don’t do anything you can’t talk your way out of and I will talk with you peeps later. Ciao!

Don’t Care Anymore

Sounds like a line from a Genesis song.  Myself and many others no longer care about work.  We just go to occupy a space and pick up a paycheck.  People are already starting to take personal belongings home.  One of the people that I thought for sure would be kept approached one of the owners and was told, don’t wait for me start looking for a job.  Well how much more blunt can you be.  Hearing that made me change my mind about having a similar conversation about me and where I stood.  I figure that if I don’t find something, I will be approached and given an exit date.  While people at the remote places liked me, my boss and many others in the office have a different opinion of me, even though they really don’t know me or my work. 

I had my phone interview today.  It went okay.  I am not sure if I will be called back for an in person interview but I would go.  It would mean that I would have to travel a different direction to work and there wouldn’t be all of the hustle and bustle like there is with traffic at my present job. 

I am chatting up everyone I know to see if I can find a job BEFORE the hammer falls.  Every contact is a good contact, even if they can’t help me.  They at least know my need.  People talk and who knows.  I would like my next employer to be my absolute last employer – I am so sick of changing jobs and looking for a job.  It brings back feelings from my 2 years of unemployment. 

Facing unemployment when you have a partner/spouse is a little easier.  However, it still sucks.  Going at this all alone well that is a complete nightmare.  I pulled in the driveway tonight and saw my partners truck and thought to myself oh good he is finally home and then reality sank in again.  God I miss him so much. 

His presence, his advice, just him being here with me.  It just really sucks.  I hope that there is no where to go from here but up, because I am pretty low.  However, I know that things could always be worse. 

Well time to take care of the children and chat up a couple more people.  Talk with you peeps later.  TGTIF – Thank God Tomorrow Is Friday :).

Work again

Ugh, I woke up and said it’s time to go back there again.  FUCK.  I keep saying Fuck Me and I think the universe doesn’t understand my comment.  I’d like the fucking to be in a good way and not a bad way.  Something that I will enjoy vs. something that I despise.

Anyway, I have a fighting chance at a friends place of business.  She took my resume to the managing partner and he sounded interested.  They have 1 IT guy and he is running between offices all the time, so having 2 would eliminate that or we could share the workload.  Either way it would be a ticket out of this place.  I haven’t heard anything from them yet but am expecting a call or an e-mail.  They are exceptionally good to their employees, so it sounds like my kind of place. 

I applied for another job last night and then went looking for cold contacts to stir up.  Mailed a couple of letters this morning, I don’t know that anything will come of it, but it certainly can’t hurt. 

I was served today with my notice to appear in a Deposition that will take place next month.  Pretty much no matter where I am at in my employment stage this is something that I have to do.  Otherwise, I will be tracked down and have to go to God knows where to get it done and that will be on my own dime.  At least this is taking place in my neck of the woods.  So might as well go and get it over with.  Should be a two day ordeal.  1 day to get prepped and 1 day for the actual deposition.  I will be happy when this is done.  This is a work related case and has nothing to do with me personally and there is no way I can be personally liable.  This is more of an inconvenience but it’s also a reason for my present employer to keep me employed until then.

No mail last night and there will be no mail tonight.  The children get to see daddy a little bit earlier and they are thrilled about that.  Unfortunately, I go downstairs and before you know it the night is gone.  I like to spend an hour and then the rest of my time with them.  That is what we are all used to but this looking for a job gets pretty engrossing and by the time I think to look at the clock it’s time to call it a night. 

I had a Chicken Pot Pie last night.  I think it might be Fish or Pasta tonight.  Friday night I have Lasagna and I bought some Garlic Bread so feast on.  Unsure about the weekend.

After the news I got this week I am really ready for the weekend to wind down and try to relax.  Not that I will have much luck but I sure would like to try.  I know that I can sleep when there are no interruptions. 

Tomorrow afternoon I will have my phone interview with another company.  I sure hope that it goes well.  Talk with you peeps later, it’s almost time to pack up and call it a day here. 

Rough–Depressing Day

Most people act like yesterday never happened. However, there are a few of us that it has really gotten to.  You guessed right if you said I am one of the people it got to.  I mean we all have bills to pay but most people here have husbands so the worry isn’t that bad.  For us single folks it’s just scary. 

I started to think about what I have to do and really there isn’t much.  If they keep me until the end, presuming I don’t find something before then it will greatly surprise me.  IT is typically needed until the bitter end.  However, they are talking with an outside firm so I suspect that my days are more numbered than not. 

Wow, I said I wanted to be free this year but not like this.  So much for a better year.  Then again it’s far from over.  It just seems really dark now.  Since the potential is that I could be out on my ear w/ no job. 

I am looking but the job market just isn’t what it used to be.  It’s about like when I went through this 2 years ago.  You get lulls and waves – until eventually your picked up by someone.  I hope that fact that I have a job and the experience I have works in my favor. 

Our HR person delivered my pay stub this morning and said F this place I am so out of here.  She is in panic mode.  Right now there is nothing to panic over, although I understand the desire to do so.  Because inside I am doing just that.  Outside I am just depressed and the same person. 

I need a week to myself w/o pay and w/o any disturbances.  Then time to start a new job.  I just hope that it works out.  I have some hope but not much.  Considering that before I was out of work for 2 years.  They say they will take care of us but who knows how good their offer, if any will be.  Most places offer folks money to stay until the bitter end but not this place. 

Well time to wrap it up the day is almost over.  Talk with you peeps later.

Going Out of Business

Well my feelings regarding my present job surfaced today.  We were all herded into a conference room and everyone found out at once that the company is going out of business. 

It is NOT going to be an overnight thing but shortly after we enter the month of July we will all be on the unemployment line, that is unless we find something between now and then. 

They promised to take care of us and couldn’t tell us anything with how this will affect our jobs but I know if there isn’t work to do they won’t be keeping all of us.  I am sure that I will be quick to fall.

However, I am glad that I saw the signs in place and now know to continue looking, even harder.  I have to have something and can’t be left in a lurch.

This feels like a huge kick in the stomach.  I pray that God looks out for me and blesses me with a new job before my current one expires. 

The cats have made the carpet dirty again.  I kind of think that it’s pointless to clean it.  However, if I didn’t I would probably have a bigger mess on my hands. 

Well on that happy note I am winding down and will be headed home in about an hour.  Talk with you peeps later.

Rejection

It’s kind of nice to plan a week off but more quickly than not your week fills up.  Soon you have a running list of appointments instead of the time off you planned.  Add to that the fact that I NEVER – EVER get to truly get away from work and the fact that I did something work related at least once if not twice per day and there you have my so called vacation.  So I don’t feel relaxed, refreshed or revived but I’m going back Monday anyway. 

Late in the afternoon on Friday I heard the results from the job that I interviewed for and much to my surprise I didn’t get it.  I wrote back and thanked them for their time and asked if they had any constructive criticism they could prove so that next time I could do things differently.  The response I got back totally blew me away.  It was words to the effect of since it may not work out between us and the person we chose, we are going to wait to comment.  So it sounds like I was their 2nd choice.  If it’s meant to be it will happen.  I so wanted to go back and announce that I was leaving but I guess I will have to save that for another day. 

I was lead to believe in the interview that the job was going to be mine and with all of the special attention and time they spent, I figured for sure I was getting it.  I suppose since the guy looked like a hobo this was probably his first time interviewing candidates.  He had a great voice but personal appearance sucked.  I suspect the reason why they went with someone else is that I was higher priced and that is what cost me the opportunity.  However, I am in business to make money and you get what you pay for. 

I had a nice time with my friends yesterday.  They helped me remember my late partner.  I took a nice stroll down memory lane.  Still wished he was here.

While I was out and about I got a phone call from work.  Turns out that in the legal case that is pending at work, I am going to be deposed.  It’s scheduled for late next month and that I * think * will buy me a little time.  It would look very bad for them if they let me go prior to this occurring.  Sort of like they were trying to hide something.  I am pretty well confident that they are still dead set on shoving me out the door, but if I have an extension of time hopefully something will pop before then.  It wouldn’t look bad for them if I quit, because people resign every day of the week.  Still I know the attorney who brought the lawsuit is very eager to talk with me and that this could get very sticky.  The other thing in my favor is if they let me go after I am deposed, I can claim it’s retaliatory action.  I mean once I am sworn in I am going to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth so help me God. 

I am so tired.  I just can’t seem to get any energy.  I took myself and got some pie today.  It was just average.  The last time I was there is was horrible.  I haven’t made up my mind yet but I may be taking this place off of the list of places I visit. 

Tonight is my last night to spend time with the children without a curfew until next Friday night.  I have wanted to stay up late but they won’t let me.  They tell me it’s time for bed.  So instead of being told what to do by a person I am ruled by cats.  Speaking of which I need to get upstairs and close a window soon.  They are all bird watching and the house is filling with pollen.  Sneezes. 

Momma is starting on Prozac tonight.  I sure hope that she responds to it.  The vet changed her last name and the pharmacy treated me like a brand new customer.  I wasn’t too hip to that.  I hyphenated my name so that they could retain their original last name.  Leave it to someone to screw that up. 

Speaking of screwing, pay day is Monday.  I’ve got my bills paid, at least what has arrived and so far so good.  Next month will be interesting because of the unplanned car expense.  I had to shift credit cards to try to keep balances in check so that I have a bill that I can truly pay off.  That is the only way I like to use credit cards.  I don’t believe in giving them any money in interest unless it’s necessary. 

Well that is all I know for now.  Going to breakfast in the morning and then going grocery shopping.  Moving and grooving to the beat of cleaning house and doing laundry.  How it sucks!

As for my remaining 4 days.  I am not sure how I will take them one here and one there or if I will line them up and use all 4 in a row.  Talk with you peeps later. 

1 Year Ago–Today-

Today is the one year mark when I said goodbye to my partner.  Surprisingly I am kind of numb today.  Most of my emotions center around getting a phone call about a job.  I am hoping to make something positive come out of what has been an all negative experience. 

Setting aside my emotions of today and thinking about a year ago.  Well it was a hard decision to remove life support.  It’s great to be trusted to have that privilege but it’s something that you never hope you will have to act upon.  I could have been a selfish person and kept him around for me, but honestly I only think that would have made things worse for both of us.  I know that if I would have done that, he would have been very mad at me. 

He was like a prophet – he said that he didn’t want a colostomy and he wound up with one.  He said that he didn’t want to be trapped in a body that didn’t function and had he survived the last stroke he would have been in that condition.  He had mobility issues as it was from the first stroke and from growing old.

Despite his health issues and what a pain the in ass he could be at times.  I still miss him.  I miss hearing his voice, the noise and racket he used to make.  I really miss his cooking, something that even he probably didn’t fathom that I would miss.  There is also the many phone calls throughout the day, especially the lunch time phone call where we would plot about what was for dinner.  It’s those little things that were a BIG part of my life.

I still love him despite the fact he is gone.  I know that he didn’t leave me willingly and that he loved me – only because he told me every single day.  It got kind of mushy and I turned a deaf ear to it but we both said the words each day.  Within the last couple months he was here on earth it started to mean something to me again.  I guess that was a wake up call from God. 

Looking back over the past year – I have managed to sue and settle with a large union to collect a death benefit.  I have managed to make his medical bills vaporize.  I am still making the bankruptcy payments and well we all know about the mortgage fiasco.  I have also unplugged and turned off a lot of unnecessary items here at home and the energy bill keeps on dropping.  While I’m only hitting the highlights there were many more things that happened within the past year.  All in all I think I have done well, given the circumstances. 

My hope for the coming year is that I do get a different and better job that pays more.  A place where I can be happy and grow.  That I can tame the mortgage monster and get the house in my name.  That I can get his bankruptcy closed out and that I am in better shape next year. 

This afternoon I am gathering with some friends to remember him and to share a meal, as well as some time together.  I will never forget him, even if I meet someone else.  My fear is that I will compare that person to him.  However, this is all unchartered territory for me so who knows what will happen.

I know that I have been through some major crap and I feel that life owes me a break.  There has been far too much bad and negativity, it’s time to turn this around and get happy!

Before I go – Big Boy checked out okay at the vet.  They drew some blood because they are afraid he might be diabetic, should know in a couple days.  I am still not ready to let go.  The vet is surprised he is alive and doing well.  She called him the miracle cat.  That he is. 

My blood work came back and I saw it on-line wow, blood sugar and cholesterol are both way out of control.  I know my doctor won’t be too happy with me but at the same time I think he will understand my circumstances.  After all he is the one who said that I am still in mourning. 

Remembering my partner – a great man who touched man lives.  May he rest in peace. 

Vacation update

I have worked every single day this week so far.  So much for vacation.  When I was at the doctor yesterday he offered to fax them the definition of the word vacation.  Imagine if you will I am hit by a truck and in the hospital on life support.  Those fuckers would still be sending me e-mail and wondering why I didn’t respond.  So much for vacation.  Every time I lay down to take a nap, the damn phone goes off.  I’m just a little frustrated with the whole thing.

I had a job interview today and I’d say it went rather well.  I think if I get it I will be in over my head a bit, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn.  I mean you go with in balls of steel and just figure it out as you go along.  Plus there are others that you can call. 

It was an hour and a half and of course through the whole thing buzz buzz goes the damn phone.  I got a tour, shown the server area and where my office would be.  It’s small, but at least they believe in the power of dual screens.  That’s a good thing!  They issue a laptop, cell phone and MIFI device.  There is on-call with this job it’s 1 week out of each month.  You get to leave an hour early every day which is good, but the down side is that you are on-call until 9pm.  I’m told call volume is really low but I’ve heard that before and been slammed.  So who knows. 

I know there was one person before me.  They were going to talk with at least 1 more person and/or possibly 2 more people.  I am told that a decision will be made very quickly.  So my anticipation is high. 

I have a phone interview setup for next week with another company.  And a place that turned me down called me up and told me that I should expect a call to schedule an in person interview. 

My resume is doing the trick and I am getting calls.  Now if I can just get a job paying decent money I will be all set.  I have a strong suspicion that my present job is going to vaporize quickly.  That suspicion grows stronger based on how I am being treated while on vacation.  It would be nice to be able to get a severance package and put it in the bank and then start a new job right away.  I am not quitting until I have another job but tension is very much in the air.

So on a different note, I cooked today.  I made Ravioli and Garlic Bread.  It took a bit and I got interrupted by the phone but outside of that it was okay.  I have plenty of left overs.

We had a monsoon of a rain storm here today.  I had plans for the rest of the day but cancelled them and just headed for home once the interview was done.  I haven’t accomplished 1/2 of what I wanted to but I still have some time. 

I did get to lay with Big Boy for a nap of sorts today.  Tomorrow afternoon is his big day ----going to the vet.  Not looking forward to it. 

My car service went okay, other than the fact that I got a bill of $300.  I had to do some Fuel Induction thing to clean out the fuel system and the power steering fluid needed to be flushed and changed.  Then there was the oil change.  I was caught off guard and this hurts but I had to have it done.  I need a car and I have to keep it in shape, so that it’s ripe for picking when I do trade.

In a perfect world I’d like to get financing for the house taken care of then work on getting a new vehicle and have both done by the end of this year.  Who knows.  Then maybe we can find a boyfriend. 

Speaking of which, you have to notice the theme change.  1 year ago today my life turned upside down and was changed forever.  I remember getting home very late from the hospital and being up 24 hours.  While the events replay in my mind thankfully I don’t have to life through them again.  The date of his passing will be 1 year ago on Friday.  That will be a rough day.  If you’re a new reader – I lost my partner to a stroke last year.  He suffered it on the 2nd and I had to remove life support on the 4th.

My doctor tells me that I am still very much in mourning and what I am experiencing is very normal.  I wish there were a pill, a shot or some procedure that could help take away the pain and anguish that I feel.  This truly sucks and at my age it’s not something that I should be going through. 

I got a crappy hand and am trying to make the best of it.  Then lump on the worries of my job and a cat that is dying.  It’s not a very pretty picture at all.  So my hope is that something good comes out of all of this. 

Right now I am going to spend time with the very needy children and try to forget about my troubles by watching TV.  I sure hope I am successful.  Talk with you peeps later.