Virtual Party - Peter, Paul & Mary

Funny song about technology. 

Music

Monday

Had an enjoyable Sunday evening and wish that I would have given in to a food craving for pizza. Instead, I had a piece of Chocolate Cake and a Chocolate Donut for supper. Not healthy but it worked. The whole time I kept thinking about the taste of a nice warm pizza. It was early enough I could have gone out to a local place or even popped in a Tombstone but nope I deprived myself. Why? I have no earthly idea.

Got in some good Gator time, she has this new horrible habit where she stands at the bottom of my recliner and meows until I picker up. Never mind that if she wants to get into bed with me, she has to jump on the recliner in order to jump into bed. We both know she could easily jump into the recliner and she has before but lately she is starting to behave much more like her siblings used to. She knows I will do most anything for her and she is taking full advantage of it.

The morning was pretty uneventful that is until I decided I wanted to lay down for a quick nap. Then all of the emails start pouring in and I get so busy I forgot all about trying to take a nap. Meanwhile, Gator is passed out cold on the couch.

By mid afternoon my boss had to ruin the day by calling a meeting with everyone. It’s just to rehash stuff we already were aware of that happened over the weekend. He’s never prepared for the meetings we go into; we always have to listen to him compose an email to someone. He talks as he types and I really want to say, could you type on your time like the rest of us. I haven’t yet but were getting close to me loosing my shit. He is taking even more time off and it’s like he is rubbing it in my face. I can’t take time off because were short on staff and it’s not an emergency but since he has been there since before time began, he can take off whenever he wants. Just fucking go on vacation already so I don’t have to listen or hear from you and I will be much happier. I do feel like I am getting the short and rough end of the stick. However, my time is waiting for me and I will be taking it eventually.

I am mostly myself around the boss but there are subtle clues that I give off that I am pissed off. I don’t want to get into it but some day if the pressure keeps up the flood gate that is holding back my rage and anger will burst and that will be a scary day for me. I’ve learned with some time to control my mouth but if you push me and push me eventually anything can come out, despite my not wanting it to.

For all intents and purposes, I have a decent job and just need a nice break. The politics and all of the needless meetings and tasks that I am asked to preform are starting to wear on me. The pressure is a bit extra now because were down 1 person. I am just burnt out and a recharge might not be a cure all but it would be a step in the right direction.

I saw something interesting show up in my email from the post office that contained images of what was arriving in the mail today. I had to go get it to appease my curiosity and it turned out to be nothing. I couldn’t help but think while I was out, that it sure would be nice to run away. The world truly is back to normal around here. Restaurants are packed, traffic is back to being as thick as BBQ Sauce and no matter where you go there is people and chances are pretty good there will be a waiting line. The thought of driving back to the office every day isn’t something that I really want. However, being around people and getting out I think is healthy so long as they have been vaccinated. Perhaps part of my negative attitude stems from being couped up. Although, I’ve had times in the past where work was just too close for my comfort and I was burnt to a crisp.

I suppose this will either sort it’s self out and I will contain my emotions OR I will need to find a new job. It’s a few more weeks before were back to normal staffing and that of course is when the boss will be gone for 2 full weeks. I can’t wait for that, less meetings and more naps. Once he returns will be about the time I request a full week off, that is if I still feel like I am today.

In other news, I got into it with my PC yesterday afternoon. My iCloud add in for Windows wasn’t playing well with Outlook. One thing led to another and I wound up wiping out my Outlook. I had to start over but I didn’t lose anything because it’s all in the cloud. It was just frustrating to fight to get things back to normal. It’s all working fine now and my calendar is back in sync with my phone.

Tonight, I plan to eat the store-bought lasagna that is heat n eat. It’s pretty good. I will of course have more chocolate cake and that should tide me for the evening. I will scrounge for something to watch on TV, a streaming service or just a YouTube videos. I kind of wish I was close to one or two of the chiropractors that publish videos from FL. They both incorporate massage as well as scraping into their adjustments and I think some of that would be good for my back. I do miss my massages but I don’t get nearly as many large knots since I have been home. I do have some from time to time but they just don’t flare up like they used to when I was hunched over a desk for 8 hours a day. Kicking back and napping or doing other things while keeping a watchful eye on my inbox during the day seems to have helped a lot. Just wait though my day to return to the massage table and the massage therapist will find plenty of knots, those that I know of and those that I don’t. Some of the work those people (chiropractors and massage therapists) do looks to be a full-time job just getting knots out of people and they get a hell of a good work out in the process. Lactic Acid is what builds up and causes a good portion of my issues, from what I have seen that is true for a lot of people.

Well, I suppose I should get back to what fun is left in the day, just a little longer and then hopefully it will be time to switch gears into relaxing mode. I am on-call this week so I have to be up for anything but I hope that it’s a super chill week. I need a break! Hope that your Monday is going or went well. Talk with you all again soon.

Travel, Food and Chores

Saturday I was able to sleep in and of course did a little too much of that because I had problems when it was time for bed. I got a shower and made the long trip to the buffet. There was a nagging feeling that I had that was trying to talk me out of going. I should have listened to it. I was truly disappointed in the quality of my meal. They had the food items that I had expected and the first few bites were really good. I love their mashed potatoes. The catfish I had was cold and salty, the piece of BBQ Pork I grabbed was full of fat and didn’t taste the greatest. The stuff that I love and main reason for making the trip is their Bread Pudding. When I looked at it, I knew it probably wasn’t going to be the greatest. It had been sitting for a while and was a little dried out. The soda I had didn’t have enough carbonation. I wouldn’t call it flat but it was on its way there. While I did enjoy the travel and being able to get away, not to mention being able to give my vehicle a bit of a workout. It’s been about 2 years since I was there last. It has the same owners but the staff changes and I don’t know if it was the pandemic or if the staff just didn’t put in enough TLC. I have no plans to return anytime soon. I got 30mpg though and that was from a combination of using cruise control and manually driving. I filled the tank full before the trip and it’s at ½ way which is where I was before I started on the trip.

As I was sitting in the unknown odor last night it hit me, lots of articles I had came across when researching ‘unknown odor elimination’ talked about charcoal. It will absorb odors and doesn’t leave behind a smell. Since I think the odor is in the HVAC system why not switch out to a charcoal air filter. I did some research and they aren’t available at any big box store in my area but Amazon carries them. They are not cheap by any means. I’m getting 2 for around $30. While I was at it, I bought 5 new floor registers. That will cover the main living area but not the entire house. The ones I have are rusty from cleaning the cat pee off of them and while I don’t think they are the odor source it certainly can’t hurt to change them. You’d think they would be super expensive but I don’t have anything fancy, it’s basic plain so they are $4 each. That is cheaper than I can get them at the local home improvement store. Everything will be here by the middle of the week and I am eager to get the new filter installed. I would like to find and fix the source of the odor but that appears to be impossible.

Watched a couple of movies last night, nothing special to write about. Friday, I streamed and binge watched the entire 2^nd season of Love Victor on Hulu. It was pretty good. Not sure if there will be a season 3 but I honestly don’t see why there wouldn’t be, it seems to have gone over really well with people in general, all though I think LGBT people are the ones who make up the large portion of the viewers.

The mail brough my property tax bill. It went up but only by $50 but I am already paying several thousands of dollars. Thinking about that, the odor and the general up keep of this place as well as seeing lots of new construction and being bombarded with ads for lofts and apartments on social media does have me thinking about moving. My thanksgiving friend told me that since I have mold, I will never be able to sell this place. I got to thinking about it and decided to give it a google. What I found is that you can in fact sell as long as you disclose however you will take a loss and most financial institutions will not finance a home loan where the property has mold. The best option is to remediate with a commercial company, then disclose and provide proof at the time of the sale. That will help retain value and most people will have a comfort feeling once you show them proof. That said I honestly think that I could sell this place for what I owe on the mortgage which would be taking a major loss but I’d be able to walk away free & clear. The buyer would certainly flip this place – remediate the mold, replace the carpet, probably slap on a fresh coat of paint, trim or rip out the bushes/shrubbery that makes this place look like a forest and be able to make all their money back and then some.

The question I have to answer is do I really want to travel down this road. Even with not fixing things and just packing up and moving, it still would require spending money not to mention finding a new place to call home. I am on the fence and have been for quite some time. I think about the memories that were made here both good and bad and how I would be walking away from them. I also think that I deserve a fresh start and I really do want to walk away. It would be easier to make this decision if I knew that I had help when it came to moving and unless I hire someone, I have no one to help. While I have watched my family perish before my eyes regardless of what I do it won’t bring anyone back to life and I certainly won’t be abandoning anyone, just memories. However, with a new place I could make new memories or at the very least not have the concern with all of the things wrong or that I dislike about my current home.

It’s good to dream and think about possibilities but you have to stay grounded in reality. At the end of the day, I am better off just staying put for now. Truth be told the longer I put this off the more likely I am to stay complacent. I do think that eventually I will reach my breaking point and that will cause my mood to change and I will actually put things into motion. However, until that day gets here not much is likely to change. Trying to clean out the rooms that I have made storage rooms as well as the basement. Figuring out what items I need to sell and getting rid of them. Doing that will get me some money and at the very least make me feel better, not to mention the open space I would have. I can tell you that is far easier to write about than it will be to put in any kind of labor to cleaning up – throwing stuff away and selling items.

There is a series on Netflix that was just released and it’s about how the human body works. It’s really fascinating and quite educational. One of the episodes they talked about is the heart, blood and the circulatory system. I was kind of surprised to hear there really is something called broken heart syndrome, it’s also known as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy.  This is a temporary heart condition that develops in response to an intense emotional or physical experience. It's also known as stress cardiomyopathy. In this condition, the heart's main pumping chamber changes shape, affecting the heart's ability to pump blood effectively.

I wonder if I have this or even if I had it at one point. The series said that usually the way this is reversed is when you find happiness again and they equated that to a new mate or mood-altering medication and allowing enough time to pass.

Okay before I get into more wallowing in self-pity, I should pull myself or at the very least this post out of this direction.

I had breakfast out and instead of going to the grocery store afterwards I opted to kill time by coming home first. The cat food store had an hour before it opened and rather than run back and forth, I thought it would be easier to go back out hit up both the grocery store and the cat food store and then come home. I am working on laundry, which has fallen way behind. Going to actually open the mail and then figure out how much exactly taxes and insurance have risen compared to last year, estimate what I should send in as an extra escrow payment so that when the account balances later this year I will get a small refund and the house payment shouldn’t go up. That has served me well for 2 years and I see no reason to change, considering I have some extra money to part with. Then I have my usual weekend cleaning chores and figuring out what to eat for supper. I will bundle in some additional time to spend with my furry friend who was quite mad at me this morning. I kicked her out (of the bedroom, not the house) last night so that I could get some sleep because she kept waking me up. We had some time to make up before I dashed out to breakfast. Each time I come home she expects, demands and gets food. That I guess is her reward for being good while I was gone. Fact is she sleeps most of her day away. I could take out the garbage and come back, she would be expecting something to eat. She is nearing the end of her life, I do cater more to her and feed her most anytime she wants. She is the one who has the trip to the buffet without much effort, but like any other cat on this earth she is quite picky. What pleases her today may or may not please her again in the future. That’s why I get a wide variety of flavors of food. I just love to see her sit next to me and really lick her chops, that means she enjoyed her food. Chances are good that within 5 to 10 minutes she will go back for more and then come back and do the same chop licking and finally settle down, take a nap and wake up and finish the meal and ask for more. I can see some of her mother and some of her sister in her behaviors & mannerisms, so in a small way it’s like part of them is still with me.

I hope that your Sunday is enjoyable and productive for you. I suppose I should get started, despite not wanting to. Unfortunately, tasks, chores, call them what you will don’t get done on their own. Talk with you all again soon, be well!

Trouble with a Capital T

This week has had it’s high and low moments. The best moment of all, thus far is when I saw the news that Arbor came home. It’s seems as one problem is solved another one develops in its place. I think it’s life way of making sure that you get no rest.

Wednesday afternoon I heard my neighbor on the side of his house and the side of mine that has no windows. I presume he was taking out the trash. Then I started hearing objects hit the side of my house and on my roof. It wasn’t an all at once type thing, it happened over the course of 15 to 30 minutes. I don’t know if my neighbor was outside and I didn’t bother to go investigate. The next thing I know I’ve got a strange smell back in the house again. It was subtle at first and has progressed too stronger overnight. Just like last time I started in the living room and has migrated through the house. I don’t know what is in my neighbors’ trash but I would say odds are pretty great that it’s something illegal and it is the cause of all of this. It’s just got to be that because it’s not an odor I have smelled before and everything checks out fine here, unless it’s something under the patio. The last time this happened a few weeks back the odor was much stronger and had an ammonia quality to it. This time it’s not quite as strong and I don’t smell ammonia. Last time it was two full weeks of hell and I drove myself to the point of exhaustion trying to find the source of the odor. We have had sunny weather up until yesterday afternoon, we got a nice soaking. It cooled off a little bit but the forecast for the foreseeable future is hot and sunny. It’s strange that an odor would last 2 weeks, go away and then suddenly return.

Still, I put my thinking cap on and got out the shop vac. It’s got a nice long hose and I shoved it in a couple of the HVAC vents to clean the duct work. I got a little bit of junk out of the living room one and the one in the kitchen it was full of dried cat food, which is exactly what I expected. I don’t think this was nearly as good as what a professional would have accomplished because they use video and I was flying blind. I also only did 2 vents, where a pro would do the whole house and from what I understand they do all of the vents at the same time. They have to have some serious suction if that is the case. Now that these two possible culprits have been eliminated, the only other possible thing I can think of is replacing the vent covers. We had a stray that peed on everything in this house and that includes the vent covers. He’s been dead for at least 5 years and the odor of his urine is mostly gone. The only place I can’t get it out of is the landing at the bottom of the basement steps. The carpet needs to be ripped out and replaced. You only smell it when your close to the landing and after that it’s gone. It doesn’t permeate the house as cat pee is known to do.

Being confined to my home because of COVID and work shutting down I am isolated. The first thing that goes in isolation is your mind. It plays tricks on you and you get easily confused. Part of me is wondering if this isn’t my mind, not that I am going insane but that its mental stress pushing me a little bit too far. I don’t hear voices or see things that aren’t there so maybe I am still with it and the problem truly is my neighbor. Right now, my plan is to ride this out, I don’t want to live another 2 weeks with this funky smell but if it goes away after that and doesn’t return, I will be happy. Tomorrow is also trash day. I am fully aware that once you place your trash bin at the curb it’s public domain, meaning anyone can go through it. I am not doing that now but if this continues don’t be surprised if in the middle of the night, I am out sniffing his garbage. I’m not out to get anyone, I just want to live my so-called life in peace. I’ve had way too much drama and problems not to mention I am getting old.

On the work front today is a very oddly calm day. It’s the first day in a long time that I haven’t had a meeting with my boss or spoken with him by phone. I like those days. I was thinking of taking a week of vacation in July but turns out boss man is taking 2 weeks. I still wanted my time and found that his offer to do anything for me was nothing but a bunch of words that sound nice. He was really concerned that I would be out the same time as him and I had no one to cover the weekend of my week of on-call, which is what I was going to take off. He said that his boss wouldn’t approve it. Well fuck him, it’s my time and last year was the first year where I actually took vacation in full week intervals. My co-worker that is out now but will be back then has plans for the weekend, otherwise this would have been all cut and dry. However, as per usual I have to be the one who compromises and is flexible. I’m taking two days and then going back on-call at 5p on Friday so I will have the weekend covered. I don’t expect anything to happen, weekends and even evenings are typically quiet after 7p. However, once and a while that isn’t the case. Don’t you know if I turned my phone off and did I what I wanted to do, the world would fall apart and I’d lose my job. Best not to take chances.

I did look for a job and there are plenty of things out there, most of what appealed to me was stale and 30 days or older. Sure, I could have given it a shot and applied but all things considered I am really not in a position where I want to change jobs. I do think that is what it is going to come to in order to get peace of mind in the end, but we just aren’t there yet. I will keep an eye out here and there and if things get worse then I will ramp up my search to a full-time thing. Starting over is scary, not to mention you loose seniority and most of the time (but not always) you loose vacation time. Your also on pins and needles being the new kid in town and have to get to learn the politics of the office, who is two faced and will throw you under the bus just as soon as look at you and who is your so-called friend. I say so called friend because it is rare to form a lasting friendship from a working relationship. I am not saying it can’t be done because I have done it. If you don’t invest in people and let them in, thinking they are your friend then it’s impossible for them to hurt you. I get hurt easily and I also think I am good judge of character and people but I’ve been smacked in the face by that before. When you know better, you do better or at least you should.

In other news my kitty has been quite loud in the middle of the night and not letting me sleep. Last night I had problems falling asleep so we got to bed late and she started up right after I turned the lights out. I figured I would stay a step ahead and just kicked her out. Damn cordless phone battery died in the middle of the night and it started chirping and woke me up. I fixed that, she knew I was up and I fed her and went back to bed, waiting for her. In she comes screaming the whole way, not wanting to jump up in bed but doing it anyway. She sat with me for a few minutes and then left me. With about an hour left to sleep, she woke me up. I kicked her out and went back to bed for what felt like 5 minutes. I had some great dreams but ultimately, I wake up and feel like I have never been to bed in the first place. Thinking about this problem it’s good that she is doing it now if it has to happen at all. When the day comes that I do have to go back in, if she still has this habit then she will be sleeping alone and so will I. Since I am at home now, I can nap when I please it doesn’t make up for it but it is nice to escape from everything and everyone if only for 30 minutes to an hour. I love her to death but she is no good for me when it comes to getting a good night’s rest. It’s almost like she needs a night time human in addition to her day time human. As for me I just need a man.

Unless something drastic changes or I don’t feel up to it, I have planned this weekend to drive about an hour and a half, which will seem like forever to visit a buffet that I used to frequent regularly prior to COVID. I am somewhat hungry for the food but it’s the drive and time away that I crave the most. Not thinking about work, having to tend to my cat or smell this foul odor and just being on the road watching for idiots so they don’t crash into my car. Listening to music and relaxing as well as enjoying some good food. I hope this comes to fruition. The alternative is to stay home, get up early on Saturday and paint the garage trim. I plan to take the trip as a reward to myself. Wanted to this last weekend but I was on-call and afraid about tempting fate. Coverage is spotty and there is a couple of miles with no coverage at all, including satellite radio (which I no longer have).

One more day to get through and what ever fresh hell that brings me. Need to take out the trash and then start supper. I’m having the chicken & broccoli casserole from Stouffers that I so enjoy. I will have left overs for tomorrow night. It just takes forever to cook and isn’t exactly easy to rewarm but I suppose if I used an oven instead of a microwave the results for reheating would be better. Looking forward to watching United States of AL tonight to get me some Parker Young. We don’t play on the same team but damn he’s got a nice body to look at and why not appreciate it. If I am lucky, he will take his shirt off, if not then I will need to dream. Give him a google if you’re not familiar with him, if you like guys you won’t be disappointed. He’s an American Actor and not a porn star (damn).

Hope this week has treated you well thus far and that your Friday & weekend are amazing. Stay safe, be well and try to stay cool. I know there is a heatwave over much of the US. Talk with you all again soon. I do appreciate your readership and comments are always welcome. Take care.

BREAKING NEWS–DOG FOUND

I am over the moon thrilled to inform you that Arbor (@Andrewgoesplaces) dog was found this morning.  This is what I had been hoping for all along.

Thanks for your help!

LOST DOG – Tacoma WA Area

I am heart broken by this story that keeps lingering and thought that I would make a quick post to try to help the situation. 

On Saturday afternoon around 3p in the Tacoma Washington Area, Andrew Nieghbors (@andrewgoesplaces) dog Arbor was missing.  She was in a locked gate and it’s not quite clear how she got out.  At any rate, if you spot the dog and are in the area, please message Andrew via his Instagram Account @andrewgoesplaces .  I’d like for this story to have a happy ending and I’m actively praying for it.  Below are some photos for reference. 

 

I am a fan of Andrew’s and figured this is the least I could do.  If you have a blog or other social media, please share this story to help get the word out and thus increasing the chances for a happy ending. 

Thanks for your time and help!

Happy Munday

Not much sleep last night thanks to Trumpet Lungs (aka Gator), I did give in and feed her but that didn’t quiet her down for long.  I wound up kicking her out so that I could get in about an hour of sleep along with whatever else I picked up along the way.  I feel pretty good for a Monday and much better than I have the last few days so that is a good thing. 

I got some heart breaking news last night, one of the streamers on Twich that I like lost his dog.  She ran away and he has gone all out to look for her.  I know what he feels like because when I was a kid we had a Collie and he ran away in the middle of a massive snow storm.  Thank goodness for talk radio, my aunt was listening and a lady called in.  The poor thing ran a hell of a distance and was curled up to this woman’s outside ac trying to get warm.  Thankfully he was friendly enough and has a distinctive mark that it was easy for everyone to tell this was our dog.  This guys dog ran away on Saturday and today is Monday.  That just doesn’t sound good.  I figured that within a day she would surface but not the case.  I hope that this story has a happy ending to it but right now it just doesn’t look good.  I am still saying prayers and hoping for the best. 

Last night I thought I would try something different and had some Skyline Chili, it was frozen and I got it from the grocery store.  Apparently this stuff is famous in Cincinnati.  I am not sure why, it was horrible and even though I put tons of cheese on it and threw in some crackers after a couple spoonful's I just couldn’t take it anymore and threw it out.  I looked up the webpage for this place today and what I see in pictures looks really good, just a shame what I had last night wasn’t good.  I wound up having some of that Strawberry Crème Cake as my supper.  It was pretty good. 

This morning I expressed my displeasure with my insurance provider about the eye doctor visit.  I got a letter back via email that they are researching the matter.  All I want to know is if they will cover the cost of a second eye exam.  If yes, great and if no, fine too.  I just need to know what my options are.  I think that this will probably take a couple days before I get an answer.  I made sure to download my medical records and take screen shots so that I have the necessary proof in case I need to produce it.  I want to go into a new doctors office fresh with them having no idea of what took place so they aren’t prejudiced by what happened and can give me honest feedback.  If I hear the same thing twice then I am more likely to believe it but if I get an entirely different opinion as I am expecting then I will know my gut was right and I did the right thing.  I’m not looking to lodge a formal complaint, get the guy put out of business or anything like that.  It’s just that regardless of how this turns out I don’t plan on going back to him. 

My boss inflated my blood pressure today.  He agreed with a decision I made but then in the same sentence turned around and said that I need to double check by scanning the persons computer.  That’s only because his boss was copied in on the email, otherwise it wouldn’t matter to him.  He’s very much under his bosses thumb and what his boss asks for he gets, it’s not just him that is like that, it’s pretty much anyone that his boss manages.  I wish someone would see the light and send that guy packing I think it would change our whole organization for the better but it’s something that a lot of people have been wanting for a long time and yet he still manages to stay.  I didn’t do what my boss asked me to do, I send him something that would make him think that I did what he wanted.  I know when I am right and once I make up my mind there is no changing it.  We also got invited to a bunch of diversity webinars that the big boss wants us all to attend but I won’t be there either.  That shit is a waste of time.  Being a gay man I am pretty well versed in diversity or so I think.  Not saying that there isn’t something new to learn but I know how people have good intentions and then how these meetings linger on and on and you just want to leave.  I figure why torture myself, just don’t go and do my regular job. 

The boss man is on call this week and given that we have already butted heads I don’t plan on going any extra miles this week for him.  If he wants me to do something he is going to have to ask.  I guess I need an attitude adjustment as well as a vacation.  I am plotting the vacation part, not going any place but really taking a full week off, no checking email or answering the phone.  I am burnt out and very tired.  I can’t say that a week away will cure my feelings but it sure won’t hurt anything, other than the catchup I will have to pay when I get back.  I haven’t asked for time yet but it’s coming.  I’d like to have the request in by the end of the week.  I just have to talk with my co-worker who is out right now to see if we can change up our on call weeks and then I will be set.  I thought about just swapping them without asking but I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me so it’s best to ask, I don’t expect any problem. 

It’s been a nice sunshine filled day here.  They keep talking about rain and warning us but it never surfaces.  I think our luck is going to run out sooner or later.  I just want to see my rear gutters in action, that will be a reward in it’s self. 

Hope that your day was good, despite it being Monday.  Take care and we will walk again soon. 

Eye See You

Hey I hope that you’re doing okay. It’s been some week for me – haven’t been feeling the best and then some stress came my way. Hey I’m still kicking though, so that’s positive!

Saturday now and I got up early, had breakfast at home, took a shower and went to the eye doctor. I felt really good after the shower. My appointment was at 8:55a which is kind of odd but okay. I got there with plenty of time to spare. In fact, the doctor wasn’t even in the building. That fucker made me wait 20 minutes before he showed up. 10 more minutes and I was walking out come hell or high water. This was the worst eye appointment that I have had and I don’t believe I will be going back to him. He tried to tell me that there were mites in my eyes, he said that he feels I have dry eye and wants to do a bunch of tests that will take about an hour and a half. They should be covered by insurance but no one can tell me that for sure. I got the cash prices for them and when it’s all said and done it’s a minimum of $800. Sure, I can spare it and if I thought there was a serious issue with my eyes, I would be all over it. My prescription changed a bit. They tried to sell me new glasses, some tea tree solution to help with the alleged mites and a few other things. From the first time I saw him he was trying to upsell me. He claims to be concerned about his patient’s eye health. I think he needs money to help pay for the new office he opened and the extra staff he had to hire. I looked up the mite he talked about and sure it is possible that I have it, they are common in people in general particularly in older folks. However, the way he tested and the way the test is supposed to be done were drastically different. He offered me no proof that there were bugs in my eye, I just had to take his word for it. If you show the patient the problem there is typically no issues with compliance for the treatment, which his treatment is spot on. Plus, the symptom is that you have dandruff coming from your eye(s), which I do not. Just like if I told you that you can mix gasoline, BBQ sauce and pasta and have a cure all for anything that ails you. It’s pure bullshit, not to mention if you did mix those things and consume them you would have some serious issues on your hands, so don’t try it. The worst part of this is that my eyes were dilated and he doesn’t believe in reversing drops (they do exist) so I had to drive home in the bright sunshine with my eyes watering and having difficulty seeing/focusing. There were a couple of questionable moves but hey I made it.

Back when I was in high school for Freshman initiation, I had a bunch of girls put make up on my face. They used mascara and eye liner, it got in my eye and I got an infection. Ever since then I have had chronic conjunctivitis, it’s gotten worse with age. My last eye doc gave me a drop that had a steroid in it and that cleared things right up but when you think of steroids, they aren’t something you want to use long term. I switched doctors because of a billing error and this new quack wants me to buy his lotions and potions instead of writing a prescription. I am sure there is something out there that will help me that doesn’t contain a steroid, but then again maybe I am wrong.

I am fortunate in that I have double coverage when it comes to my eyes. One policy through work and the other comes via my regular benefits which I get because of my late spouse. The work coverage that I pay for is better to help defray the costs of glasses. I am going to call the insurance provider that was used to see if they will allow me to seek a second opinion because I am not happy. If not that’s okay because I have the other policy and have already identified the doctor I want to use. One way or another I will be getting a second opinion. Personally, I feel that my eye prescription probably changed but that nothing else of concern is going on and I don’t have dry eye or mites. However, thus the need to confirm with a second opinion.

Later in the afternoon I ventured out to Olive Garden and ate some good food. It is hot outside and I have a severe intolerance to heat to the point where it makes me sick and sucks the life out of me. When I came home, I had plans for getting in front of the computer but that didn’t happen, I instead just curled up in my chair and started to watch TV. Gator was resting in my lap and eventually we fell asleep. I’ve got this Strawberry Crème Cake that I was planning on having for desert but right now I have no appetite. I am just exhausted from everything that happened this week plus I think still some of the cleaning tasks I put myself through in the last couple weeks. I haven’t worked that hard in quite some time.

In addition to the fun that you have read so far, I had my annual review at work. I was highly pissed off and confused by the feedback that I got. Last year I was at the top of the chart (as in perfect review, scored the highest possible) and this year I got knocked down a bit. It’s still a good review overall. My boss is pushing me to get into debt with education and letting the organization reimburse me. However, you have to stay a minimum of 3 years after they pay for your education or you get to foot the entire bill yourself. I looked at a course he suggested and they want $8,000. Not no but hell no. I am no fool and you’re not trapping me with debt. If I want to leave, I am going to leave and I’ll do it not owing anyone anything. I am honestly on the fence about changing jobs and the thought of starting over isn’t appealing to me, especially now that I am older. I also think about the level of access I have and it’s God Rights – I can go anywhere and do anything I want no other place will pass out access like that, especially right off the bat. No one knows what our pay raises will be like but if I get anything less than 3% (which is our norm) that will help make my final decision. I don’t want to chop off my nose despite my face. One thing I have learned with age is to not act in haste, take your time and odds are you will make the best decision in the end. I did want to ask about why I was not as good as I was last year but I know the song and dance I would get. Which is no one is perfect and everyone has room for improvement. Well apparently, last year I was perfect so that isn’t a true statement. We would get into a battle and that is a road that I would just as soon not travel down. I know myself and know that eventually I would lose my restraint and the words fuck you I quit would be uttered. Once you say that your done and there is no coming back. I have a decent amount of restraint but considering that this isn’t the first thing that makes me feel like I have been fucked over. Sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth closed rather than say anything. My stress level is up and I am doing the work of 2 people right now so it’s just not the best time to go flying off the handle. Like I said earlier be patient and take your time, eventually you will make the right decision. There is a lot to weight when you think about changing jobs.

Part of me want to just start life all over, fresh. New place to live, new job, new car and some new friends. Making my life better. However, no matter who you are, where you live or what you drive you will always have problems. They might be small or large but everyone is struggling with something. My something just happens to be stress, isolation, loneliness and depression. Also, weight gain from the whole shelter in place. I am trying my best to come to terms with the fact that I will likely be trapped at home until sometime next year, based on what my doc said last. I know the world is opening up and there is some anxiety about going back to work but once you start doing it, you will see that it is like riding a bike. It will also open a lot of people’s eyes and make them want to work remote and for others it will be just the right move to put life back on the normal track. I don’t mind going back but I am not in favor of the commute/traffic. Working from home has it’s up and down sides. It’s very rare for me to be busy all day long unless something goes awry. It was like this before we all started working from home and I would just sit at my desk and be bored all day, until I had something to do business or personal. I could speak up and ask for more work but that’s not a move I am going to make ever. It’s an easy way to get overloaded so you have no life at all and that is not something I am in favor of. I am not married to my job. I put in my time and do let it help occupy my mind but if I didn’t have to work I certainly would not. Right now, I am living for my cat, after she goes well I will either start living for myself or I too will drop off the face of the earth. Who knows what life will deal me between now and the time that unfathomable dark hour arrives? I’m rooting for myself and hope that things improve. I don’t have good luck but I also know that nothing will be handed to me or just show up at my feet, unless that something is a lost dog or cat. If you want something you have to either go after it or earn it.

Today (Sunday) is the first day that I feel human again. I went out for breakfast and hit up the grocery store. Came home and watched TV and laid in bed with Gator. Just as I was about to doze off one of my bosses infamous automated reports came screaming in an email that jolted me out of my state of slumber and there was no going back. Seems like every time I lay down my phone knows it and it wakes me up or prevents me from getting comfortable.

I’ve paid some bills, balance the books and need to go through my cleaning tasks. I also have to gather the report data at work and then I’m free for the rest of the day. I’d like to go back out to grab a bite to eat but then the decision of where to go comes into play and it’s like deciding which frozen dinner I want to eat – meal choices are not my favorite thing.

Back to the fun of the 5-day work week tomorrow. It was nice last week having a holiday. Thankfully we get another one next month with Independence Day. Well off to run my report and do my cleaning. Take care and I will talk with you all again soon! Stay cool in this hot weather.

House Fires–By Connor Franta

 

This says a lot of how I feel at times and I thought it was useful to share.  Enjoy!

Monday on a Tuesday

Sure does feel like a Monday even though today is Tuesday.  It was nice to have a 3 day break, I just wish that it was a full 3 day break and that I didn’t have to login to run reports.  I am stressed out still from the events of last week and from some of the work that I did over the weekend. 

What I enjoyed most was the toughest job and that was cleaning the deck.  It was nice to leave my phone in the house and unplug from the world at large.  The only thing that mattered to me was what was in front of me.  I caught myself in the moment realizing that I had no phone and no idea what was going on or if anyone was trying to reach me and I honestly didn’t care.  I need more of that. 

I went to my friends place yesterday and the food wasn’t the greatest.  They tried to get me to take some home and I refused.  I’ve already got a ton of food here and since I didn’t care for it, why let it go to waste.  They are giving it to another neighbor and I am sure that she will enjoy it more than I did.  I did appreciate the gesture and it was nice to get away from it all.  I wanted to leave after a couple hours but somehow I always get sucked in and don’t want to go back home.  It was 8:30p when I left and by the time I got home it was 9p.  Gator was pissed at me so I had that to deal with, plus work that needed to be done and then finally going to bed. 

I did sleep most of the day,I was up for short periods but opted to go back to bed partially out of boredom and partially because my back was sore.  I do feel better now and am ready to go at it again but I will be resting up. 

I’ve got my eye doctor appointment this weekend and I think I will make a trip to the buffet.  That’s about an hour and a half to 2 hours drive one way.  You get to see so much and since I haven’t been in over a year I know that plenty has probably changed.  I think of the times past when me and my late spouse used to make the trip.  I’ve always wanted to hit the place up for breakfast but that has yet to happen.  Perhaps later this year if I am lucky. It would be nice to drive down in the evening, check in to a hotel and then go for breakfast the next morning and drive home.  It’s a little on the expensive side.  Gator wouldn’t be happy with me but as soon as I put food in front of her she would forget that she was mad at me in the first place. 

Back work for me.  Hope your having a great day.  Talk with you all again soon.

Sunday– Heart Failure when I saw a black screen

When I woke up, I knew I was going to experience pain as I tried to get out of bed. I was no wear near prepared for the amount of pain but I made it. I fed her majesty (Gator) and promptly got back in bed. She had me up at 7a. I needed a few more hours of sleep as most of the places I needed to hit up didn’t open until 10a. It was a busy & expensive day!

Got up around 9:30a and got on the waiting list for Cracker Barrel. I love their mobile app, it lets you check in and get on the list, then you tell the hostess when your there. It really does shorten the wait time. I don’t know what I was thinking but I got the Country Fried Breakfast, which is Chicken Fried Steak and 2 Eggs. I added 2 extra eggs and by the time I was done with the Eggs I was ready to ask for a doggy bag. However, I pushed through it. I got everything down but the biscuits & gravy. I did have a biscuit by itself. There was a line to pay and the last thing I wanted was to stand in a line with my aching back. I had put on some Ben Gay but it didn’t really do anything to help me, other than create a warm feeling for about 5 minutes.

I hit up Walgreens for my sleeping medicine, then on to the pet food store. Then finally on to the grocery store. I had the doc call in a script for my Sudafed as they had it in stock. Because I had never been to that pharmacy before it sat all week long. The pharmacist on duty had to scramble to find it and then had a bunch of questions for me. It’s an over-the-counter product but he found my insurance and billed them, they picked up 50% which I wasn’t complaining. I had to pick up the rest. Funny thing at Walgreens it’s not covered at all. However, it costs less at Walgreens because I have a savings coupon, which you can’t use with insurance. I’d just as soon go there but this sudden shortage made me change places. I had to stand around and wait for this and I wasn’t angry with the guy but damn my back hurt and if he could have moved faster that would have been nice. Finally got it after about 45 minutes and then had to check out with a basket full of groceries. It also looks like the store is eliminating bagger boys and making the checkers do double duty because they did a remodel. I didn’t ask I am reading into it based upon what I saw today. Perhaps it will be different in the weeks ahead. I like some of the bagger boys and it’s nice eye candy, a plus for doing a task (grocery shopping) that I despise.

I stopped at Sam’s for gas on the way home, only to find out that my membership had expired and they wouldn’t allow me to get gas. I was pissed because normally they send a mailer as a reminder but not this year. I also thought I put it on auto renew but that wasn’t the case. At least I had a ½ tank and just wanted to top off, if I would have really needed gas, I would have been vocal about it. Instead, I just climbed back in the car and motored home.

Put away all of the food and then came to the basement where I renewed my Sam’s Club Membership and did a couple of other minor things. Then I sat with Gator in my room and we fell asleep in the chair. When I woke up, I had to move to the bed and she joined me a few minutes later. I wanted to go back to sleep but wound-up cuddling with her for a bit and then climbed out of bed and moved on with the day.

On to Target for some cat litter and a large USB Drive as well as a few other household items. Home, unload and put things away. Then grabbed the USB Drive and downloaded a 3^rd party app to update the infotainment system in the car. Jesus mother of God what was I thinking. A 3^rd party app that wasn’t endorsed by the manufacturer and had no warranty support. What could possibly go wrong? I saw a video a couple weeks ago and they made it look super easy. I watched a couple of them, same procedure just different people. I followed the instructions and tried it. It all started out okay but then it just got stuck in a reboot loop. When it told me to remove the drive I didn’t because the video said not to. Well once I removed the drive the reboot problem stopped. I had an idea I have multiple USB slots in the car so perhaps I needed to try a different slot. Yeah, that’s the trick I let it go and started driving. It rebooted and then the screen was solid black. I figured I had bricked it. I was working up a story for the dealer in my mind but knew that this was probably going to cost me a small fortune to fix. I said if this thing comes alive, I won’t touch it again except with manufacturer updates, forget trying to get something for nothing. When you try that with software it usually goes awry and I knew that but still managed to get sucked into this. I was so upset with myself. It was supposed to take about a ½ hour to upgrade and I was driving for a ½ hour before I reached the restaurant I was headed to. When I got there, I turned the car off, opened and closed the door and waited for a moment. Then started the engine and still saw a black screen, then finally the logo popped up and like magic my system was back to its original state. Holy shit, I was never so happy. I tested it for a moment and then went inside.

From that point forward it felt like I was in a blender. I ordered food and everything came at once. There was no pace or rhythm to the meal. It was here’s your salad and I took two bites and then here’s the entrée. I wasn’t pleased about that. I looked out the window and for a fleeting moment I had no idea where in the world I was. I was about to start freaking out and looked back at the table and realized where I was. I only at ½ of the meal and then ordered dessert. I couldn’t finish that either and wound up with a nice doggy bag to make another meal out of. Dropped much more than I wanted. Enjoyed the ride home listening to a podcast and was so thankful that the infotainment system was back.

Arrived home, fed her majesty again. Sat on the couch listening to more of the podcast. Grew anxious over tasks that needed to be done and started moving again. Got my bills paid, got my work reports done and threw in a load of laundry. I still have other things to do but I am starting to run out of steam and am ready to go back to my room and rest. Tomorrow is another day and there will be more time to get the rest of it done.

Dinner at my friends isn’t until later in the afternoon so if I get moving in the morning, I should be all set when it’s time to leave. I am thinking of going out for breakfast again but not entirely sure about that. The AC repair really threw a wrench in my spending this month. Sure, I have savings but the idea is to try to not dip into it and thus far I have been successful. However, the other part of me says live a little. It’s only money and you can’t take it with you when you leave earth. So maybe there will be Blueberry Pancakes in my future after all. Kind of also depends on how I feel when I get up. I may spend the morning in bed.

Friday night I did talk with my co-worker who is out on leave. Man, he is having a rough time with his kid. The poor things only will eat from a breast only and won’t allow him to bottle feed. That is frustrating. I think they make a strap on for guys to mimic breast feeding but it’s probably costly and the kid would detect it as an imposter so it might not work that well. The good news is when he comes back the kid will go to day care and be out of the house. One more month to hold it together before were back to full staff and then me and the other guy are taking time off and it will be someone else’s turn to hold it together.

Can’t believe the weekend is over. Thank Goodness for Monday being a holiday. I need more time off. It will be a short week but that doesn’t mean it won’t be packed full of work, problems and stress. Not to mention Tuesday I will be on-call again, that’s always not fun.

Hope your weekend went well and that you enjoy the holiday. Take care and I will talk with you all again soon.

SATURDAY–almost died or at least it felt like it

It was unseasonably cold and I waited for things to warm up and by afternoon I pushed myself to get going. I had planned to paint but based on a recent storm I saw that my back gutters needed cleaning out and I also had power washing the deck on my to do list. I knocked out both of those tasks and it about killed me.

I took a page from my bosses play book and used dishwashing gloves. They work well and you don’t get your hands all dirty. If you have ever cleaned out gutters there is all sorts of stuff in there and you really don’t want your hands touching it. I also purchased a gutter scoop but that proved useless. It looks like a cool tool to have but just didn’t work for me. Once I was done with getting the gutters cleaned out I got out the leaf blower to get the leaves that had been on the deck for a while off. Then broke out the power washer. It didn’t want to go together and it took me about 20 minutes to fight with the hose that attaches to the wand. Your supposed to take the hose and put the end of it in the gun, it snaps together and locks in place. It worked very easily in the past but today it was a fight. Then I started washing, put down some soap/cleaner and broke out a new brush that I purchased. I used the brush to scrub away the loose dirt and grime. I used the powerful stream of the washer to break up and rinse away the green mold that just loves to grow on everything outside. I moved things around and did ½ of the deck at a time. I also managed to get lord knows what off of the glass table. I figured the power washer would break the glass but nope, it held up under the toughest fire. There was dirt and some black film it was a mess and now it’s all clean. I used the brush on it as well. This would have been a very easy task if I was in shape and probably a few years younger or at the very least had some help. It took me 4 hours to complete from starting with the gutters to finishing the cleaning, as well as prep and clean up. What angered me the most was when I was done the cottonwood decided to start flying and of course it landed on my nice wet and clean deck. Well, it was clean for a few minutes. I rearranged things and I think it looks really nice. The neighbors will hate me because the leaves are in the yard and they will eventually wind up in their yards. There are leaves all around the house and the new lawn guy doesn’t seem to want to move them with his blower, I am not totally happy about that.

I only had a bowl of oatmeal and a muffin for breakfast. To say I was low on fuel is an understatement. I also had a horrible case of cotton mouth and my back it was killing me from all of the standing, stooping and brushing. I got undressed in the garage and left my clothes there. I threw away the dishwashing gloves ( I purchased them on Amazon and got 4 pairs, they were a bit small but I made them work). When I went to come inside, I found the damn door was locked. I had to open the garage part way for light and then used my eyesight to dial in the combo on the lock box I mounted just for this purpose because I knew someday it would happen. Retrieved the key and unlocked the door. Grabbed a soda and sat on the couch to gather some strength. I wanted to go on a road trip to the buffet but I had no energy. I thought about pizza but considering that is what I ate most of last week that didn’t thrill me. I wound up at a BBQ place a couple hours later after a shower. Not exactly sure how I made it there but I was on the precipice of sugar shock. Once I ate, I felt better. I grabbed the mail and came home. Everything else could wait a day.

I spent the evening with Gator in my room watching TV. Watched a couple of movies on Amazon, nothing terribly thrilling. I had a muscle relaxer on board as soon as I got home. I figured that would knock me out but nope. I had to take some sleeping medicine and then in about 20 minutes I was ready for bed. That’s how I spent my Saturday – productive but also very draining. Got an invite to my friends house for Memorial Day Dinner. I wanted to decline but accepted. Chicken & Ribs are on the menu. I’d rather have a burger but hopefully it will all be good. It’s at least a trip out of the house and some free food, so you really can’t beat it.

Hope you had a great Saturday. Stick around Sunday’s update is coming up in a bit.