Eye See You

Hey I hope that you’re doing okay. It’s been some week for me – haven’t been feeling the best and then some stress came my way. Hey I’m still kicking though, so that’s positive!

Saturday now and I got up early, had breakfast at home, took a shower and went to the eye doctor. I felt really good after the shower. My appointment was at 8:55a which is kind of odd but okay. I got there with plenty of time to spare. In fact, the doctor wasn’t even in the building. That fucker made me wait 20 minutes before he showed up. 10 more minutes and I was walking out come hell or high water. This was the worst eye appointment that I have had and I don’t believe I will be going back to him. He tried to tell me that there were mites in my eyes, he said that he feels I have dry eye and wants to do a bunch of tests that will take about an hour and a half. They should be covered by insurance but no one can tell me that for sure. I got the cash prices for them and when it’s all said and done it’s a minimum of $800. Sure, I can spare it and if I thought there was a serious issue with my eyes, I would be all over it. My prescription changed a bit. They tried to sell me new glasses, some tea tree solution to help with the alleged mites and a few other things. From the first time I saw him he was trying to upsell me. He claims to be concerned about his patient’s eye health. I think he needs money to help pay for the new office he opened and the extra staff he had to hire. I looked up the mite he talked about and sure it is possible that I have it, they are common in people in general particularly in older folks. However, the way he tested and the way the test is supposed to be done were drastically different. He offered me no proof that there were bugs in my eye, I just had to take his word for it. If you show the patient the problem there is typically no issues with compliance for the treatment, which his treatment is spot on. Plus, the symptom is that you have dandruff coming from your eye(s), which I do not. Just like if I told you that you can mix gasoline, BBQ sauce and pasta and have a cure all for anything that ails you. It’s pure bullshit, not to mention if you did mix those things and consume them you would have some serious issues on your hands, so don’t try it. The worst part of this is that my eyes were dilated and he doesn’t believe in reversing drops (they do exist) so I had to drive home in the bright sunshine with my eyes watering and having difficulty seeing/focusing. There were a couple of questionable moves but hey I made it.

Back when I was in high school for Freshman initiation, I had a bunch of girls put make up on my face. They used mascara and eye liner, it got in my eye and I got an infection. Ever since then I have had chronic conjunctivitis, it’s gotten worse with age. My last eye doc gave me a drop that had a steroid in it and that cleared things right up but when you think of steroids, they aren’t something you want to use long term. I switched doctors because of a billing error and this new quack wants me to buy his lotions and potions instead of writing a prescription. I am sure there is something out there that will help me that doesn’t contain a steroid, but then again maybe I am wrong.

I am fortunate in that I have double coverage when it comes to my eyes. One policy through work and the other comes via my regular benefits which I get because of my late spouse. The work coverage that I pay for is better to help defray the costs of glasses. I am going to call the insurance provider that was used to see if they will allow me to seek a second opinion because I am not happy. If not that’s okay because I have the other policy and have already identified the doctor I want to use. One way or another I will be getting a second opinion. Personally, I feel that my eye prescription probably changed but that nothing else of concern is going on and I don’t have dry eye or mites. However, thus the need to confirm with a second opinion.

Later in the afternoon I ventured out to Olive Garden and ate some good food. It is hot outside and I have a severe intolerance to heat to the point where it makes me sick and sucks the life out of me. When I came home, I had plans for getting in front of the computer but that didn’t happen, I instead just curled up in my chair and started to watch TV. Gator was resting in my lap and eventually we fell asleep. I’ve got this Strawberry Crème Cake that I was planning on having for desert but right now I have no appetite. I am just exhausted from everything that happened this week plus I think still some of the cleaning tasks I put myself through in the last couple weeks. I haven’t worked that hard in quite some time.

In addition to the fun that you have read so far, I had my annual review at work. I was highly pissed off and confused by the feedback that I got. Last year I was at the top of the chart (as in perfect review, scored the highest possible) and this year I got knocked down a bit. It’s still a good review overall. My boss is pushing me to get into debt with education and letting the organization reimburse me. However, you have to stay a minimum of 3 years after they pay for your education or you get to foot the entire bill yourself. I looked at a course he suggested and they want $8,000. Not no but hell no. I am no fool and you’re not trapping me with debt. If I want to leave, I am going to leave and I’ll do it not owing anyone anything. I am honestly on the fence about changing jobs and the thought of starting over isn’t appealing to me, especially now that I am older. I also think about the level of access I have and it’s God Rights – I can go anywhere and do anything I want no other place will pass out access like that, especially right off the bat. No one knows what our pay raises will be like but if I get anything less than 3% (which is our norm) that will help make my final decision. I don’t want to chop off my nose despite my face. One thing I have learned with age is to not act in haste, take your time and odds are you will make the best decision in the end. I did want to ask about why I was not as good as I was last year but I know the song and dance I would get. Which is no one is perfect and everyone has room for improvement. Well apparently, last year I was perfect so that isn’t a true statement. We would get into a battle and that is a road that I would just as soon not travel down. I know myself and know that eventually I would lose my restraint and the words fuck you I quit would be uttered. Once you say that your done and there is no coming back. I have a decent amount of restraint but considering that this isn’t the first thing that makes me feel like I have been fucked over. Sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth closed rather than say anything. My stress level is up and I am doing the work of 2 people right now so it’s just not the best time to go flying off the handle. Like I said earlier be patient and take your time, eventually you will make the right decision. There is a lot to weight when you think about changing jobs.

Part of me want to just start life all over, fresh. New place to live, new job, new car and some new friends. Making my life better. However, no matter who you are, where you live or what you drive you will always have problems. They might be small or large but everyone is struggling with something. My something just happens to be stress, isolation, loneliness and depression. Also, weight gain from the whole shelter in place. I am trying my best to come to terms with the fact that I will likely be trapped at home until sometime next year, based on what my doc said last. I know the world is opening up and there is some anxiety about going back to work but once you start doing it, you will see that it is like riding a bike. It will also open a lot of people’s eyes and make them want to work remote and for others it will be just the right move to put life back on the normal track. I don’t mind going back but I am not in favor of the commute/traffic. Working from home has it’s up and down sides. It’s very rare for me to be busy all day long unless something goes awry. It was like this before we all started working from home and I would just sit at my desk and be bored all day, until I had something to do business or personal. I could speak up and ask for more work but that’s not a move I am going to make ever. It’s an easy way to get overloaded so you have no life at all and that is not something I am in favor of. I am not married to my job. I put in my time and do let it help occupy my mind but if I didn’t have to work I certainly would not. Right now, I am living for my cat, after she goes well I will either start living for myself or I too will drop off the face of the earth. Who knows what life will deal me between now and the time that unfathomable dark hour arrives? I’m rooting for myself and hope that things improve. I don’t have good luck but I also know that nothing will be handed to me or just show up at my feet, unless that something is a lost dog or cat. If you want something you have to either go after it or earn it.

Today (Sunday) is the first day that I feel human again. I went out for breakfast and hit up the grocery store. Came home and watched TV and laid in bed with Gator. Just as I was about to doze off one of my bosses infamous automated reports came screaming in an email that jolted me out of my state of slumber and there was no going back. Seems like every time I lay down my phone knows it and it wakes me up or prevents me from getting comfortable.

I’ve paid some bills, balance the books and need to go through my cleaning tasks. I also have to gather the report data at work and then I’m free for the rest of the day. I’d like to go back out to grab a bite to eat but then the decision of where to go comes into play and it’s like deciding which frozen dinner I want to eat – meal choices are not my favorite thing.

Back to the fun of the 5-day work week tomorrow. It was nice last week having a holiday. Thankfully we get another one next month with Independence Day. Well off to run my report and do my cleaning. Take care and I will talk with you all again soon! Stay cool in this hot weather.