Tuesday

Made it to another day.  We got our holiday bonuses yesterday, I must say I was caught off guard and very surprised.  I expected less and actually got more. 

I heard from my attorney on the house.  She said to give the mortgage company a call on Monday and they should be able to provide me with a status update.  She is going to be off or she would do it herself.  So I will begrudgingly call but I really don’t want to.  This could make or break Christmas depending upon the news I get. 

Had a decent meal last night all frozen – Fish, Broccoli w/cheese (not big on the cheese), Rice and Mac & Cheese.  Then I finished off by opening a box of cookies that was meant for the office.  Damn I am so glad I saved them for me, they look yummy and taste even better.  Plus they were $5 and not that many there. 

Heard this morning that boss man should be leaving early as in tomorrow.  He is going someplace and I don’t think he will be coming back here.  Which technically means we will all be on vacation for the remainder of the year.  If it works out like I think it will, I won’t see his face until next year and that is something I can live with. 

I have passed on some information to him that we have some outdated equipment and come Jan 1 if not replaced it will spell trouble.  He kept asking me to remind him the next day and the day after.  I told him on Monday and haven’t heard another word about it.  I am not sure if he is going to buy the stuff or not.  He wants me to communicate with him but he doesn’t want to reciprocate and I guess he feels he shouldn’t have to since he owns the place.  However, it would make our relationship go so much better.

I hear him in the office next to me with the HR person all the time.  They have hit it off and he is like butter in her hands.  I wish we at least got along and could talk like normal people instead of having purely a business relationship.  Ah well, it is what it is.

Tonight’s Supper is Soup.  Won’t be as good as last night but it is food.  TTYL.  Stay Warm.

Foggy

Today it feels like I am operating in a fog.  Didn’t really want to get out of bed and certainly didn’t really want to come to work.  I’m here, the first one in the door outside of my boss.  For a Monday today isn’t as busy as Monday’s usually are.  That is a blessing and a curse.  The blessing because I get to keep my sanity and the curse because the day will drag on forever. 

I received confirmation that my letter has been delivered by the post office ot the Judge.  Now it’s a matter of when it’s read and what action happens from here.  I just wonder what I am going to hear.

I found an interesting 3 or 4 part series about submarines.  I started watching last night.  Looking forward to doing the same tonight. 

Email is starting to come in so I guess lunch time for me is over.  Back to the salt mine.  Hope your all warm on this Monday.  TTYL

Sad Sunday :(

Just a way of saying how much I hate Monday’s.  I managed to sleep in my late partners bed.  I woke up and thought what a bad dream I had, then I looked around and reality set in.  Yeah, he is really gone.  That happens a lot but this morning it really felt real.  His room was just the way he would have kept it freezing cold.  I got under the blankets on my side and curled up.  I woke up sweating.  The only thing that I didn’t do is turn on the ceiling fan, he ran that damn thing year around.  I couldn’t stand it but he loved it. 

I rousted myself from bed, talked to the children that I fed hours ago.  They were hoping for a 2nd breakfast.  I told them it was time for me to eat and run to the store.  I did that and it felt awkward I wasn’t organized as I usually am.  I managed to get most of the the things that I will need to survive this week.   I didn’t really have any plans for supper – normally I plan something and treat myself but not today.  I did pick up a lottery ticket before I left so hopefully I will have the winner (crosses fingers).

Came home and put away the groceries.  Started back up on laundry.  Did some surfing on-line and recorded my purchases of groceries, medicine and gas.  Headed up stairs and had some Split Pea Soup for lunch.  Fed the children and called it an afternoon.  We watched Anger Management until I couldn’t take it any longer and had to take a nap.  TAZ jumped on me and decided to get in some cuddle time with dad.  He is so sweet and that was something so out of character for him.  We just got comfy and buzz there goes the damn work phone.  Some lady went out and got a tablet needed to put her e-mail on it.  We messaged back and forth for probably the better part of 30 minutes.  I did get to doze a little bit but not too much, which is actually a good thing for me.  Then I decided that I gave up and started back on work mode.

The trash has been prepared to go out tomorrow.  I got to vacuum my room.  Big Boy got a paper towel bath and brushing.  I cleaned my TV put away laundry and made the bed.  Shaved, took my medicine.  Had 2 frozen burritos for supper covered in Mild Taco Sauce with some Sour Cream and cheese.  Then finished off with ice cream and watched some TV.  I have gotten on Amazon today multiple times filled my cart and then just dumped it because well I don’t want to spend the money right now.  The kids need a new scratching post, they have waited this long another week or two won’t kill them.  So yeah that is pretty much the day.  I have already 1/2 prepared for tomorrow morning and will finish the other 1/2 in a little bit then I will be calling it a night. 

A week or so ago a friend of mine at work gave me an article that they took from Readers Digest about being happy and positive.  The gist of the article said to think of 3 things each day that you are thankful for from that day, they have to be unique.  Write them down each day and eventually it will change your mental attitude on life.  She knows my circumstances and is trying to tell me that I am in depression and it’s more than grief that I am going through.  Well lets put things in to perspective.  I lost the love of my life, the only man I have known for over 20 years who has been my rock.  I am trapped in a dead end job where I am not appreciated in words or in money by my boss.  My job seems to always be hanging by a thread and could go at a moments notice.  On top of all of that I have a sick cat at home, now I am responsible for paying a mortgage, taking care of an entire house, cleaning up and sorting out my partners belongings and managing my own life.   Plus there is the threat of losing my home and my cats.  Do you really think an experiment of journaling will help me with all of this going on?  Seriously.

I get the fact that no one wants to be around someone who is down all of the time.  The bad mood rubs off.  I’ve been there before.  I honestly don’t want to be that person.  I am not happy by nature.  I am not overly depressing by nature.  It kind of depends upon what is going on in my life that dictates my mood.  I can say that given everything I have been through this year I think I have a right to be a little pissed off and a little sad.  While I appreciate the article and the fact that you care for me, stop trying to change me and make me in to the person you want me to be.  I am me and I will NOT ever change for anyone else.  I have proven that I am capable of dealing with a lot more than I gave myself credit for, hell a lot more than anyone gave me credit for.  However, at the end of the day I have to live with myself and I don’t want to be a plastic person who walk around like a Barbie Doll with a fake smile and acting happy when I am miserable inside. 

In the words of Popeye the Sailor Man I am who I am.  I like Spinach, boys, electronic toys, cats and lots of other things.  No one can change me.  If you don’t like me for me well sorry what you see is what you get.  I try not to be too depressing at work but sometimes when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders it just gets to you.  I think if she were in my shoes she would really get it.

My hope for the remainder of the year is that I stay employed, get to enjoy my time off, and manage not to crack under pressure.  My hope for the coming year is that I will find a new job like it so much that it will help make me a happier person, especially when I look at my paycheck.  Find a man who I will love and who will love me.  That I can manage to keep this house and my animals.  That I can get a new car and get rid of a lot of shit around here.  Winning the lottery is always a dream and is welcome anytime the Good Lord wants to bless me.  Money won’t buy my happiness but it sure can make a lot of my problems disappear. 

I will be back again soon.  Stay warm and enjoy the ride!  Good Night to one and all!

Tired

It is late and I am so ready for bed, if a key gets stuck you will know that I didn’t make it to bed and fell asleep in front of the computer. 

We got dumped on with snow.  3 or 4 inches in my neck of the woods and worse elsewhere.  I was sent home on Friday at 12:30 – I didn’t bother to work I took it as I was on standby and if anyone called I would have responded.  Thankfully no one called.  I enjoyed a burger and a bowl of chili which filled me up.  Then I got to take a winters nap and cuddle with the children.  Kind of odd being home so early on a Friday but it was rather enjoyable.  I got their food before I came home.  It was your run of the mill boring Friday evening. 

Saturday…I woke up late by design.  Fed the beggars, Got a little food in me, caught up on some YouTube Videos and then I had to get dressed and go out.  I got my hair cut and went to the expensive grocery store.  I was able to pick up a Pyrex Measuring Cup thank God it was like the best thing I got outside of the Blueberry Fruit Bites.  I went a little crazy but this was a small trip.  I still have to go regular grocery shopping tomorrow.  Plus stop for gas.  Any who, since I haven’t gotten an e-mail or a text in 3 days I figured I should check on my PO BOX.  Yes there was mail, looks like the alerts are broken, which I didn’t want because that means I will have to call then and I really don’t want to do that.  Nothing major it was all junk mail, except for Big Boy’s medicine that I ordered.  Then I came home and unloaded the groceries.  Had me a nice big bowl of Campbell’s Hearty Beef Barley Soup.  It was really good!  Finished with the fruit bites and then a nap.  Yeah this is living!

I’ve been on and off the computer all day long.  Cleaned my bathroom, which I had been putting off.  Washed the kids laundry which consists of a blanket and a towel. The blanket covers the couch and the towel the love seat.  They are happy as clams so why disturb them.  Mr. Blu is so wound up I have to go shopping for some toys for him – like a new scratching post.  The ball with the bell in it was great until he decided to start playing with it last night while I was trying to sleep.  Weekends are a free for all where I leave my door open and kick no one out.  That is until I wake up and they are all bothering me for food, it’s 6am and I don’t have to be anywhere – out time for sleep. 

Had a Tombstone Pizza for supper and watched Diggers a Disney Movie.  Kind of interesting.  Worked on my laundry and passed out treats.  Big Boy’s digestive system must not be treating him well.  He stopped going to the bathroom for a couple days and then started up again.  Now he is leaving little presents all over the place and I am not too happy about that.  Read a newsletter today that said that is a sign of a problem.  Really?  Who would have thought that?  He is sick and I get it, so I just clean up after him and try to keep him clean.  He still has a lot of love left in him and I have no plans to get rid of him until his quality of life no longer exists. 

Changed my cell phone case out today.  I was using 1/2 white from a case I gave my late partner and 1/2 blue.  It was a reminder of him and it looked cool.  I switched to all blue and it looks strange now.  I almost feel like getting a different color but if it bothers me that much I will just switch back.

No hits on the dating sites.  One site said that the Men were hot for me.  Yeah, I don’t see that right now.  I mean maybe I will get a date out of this but I am seriously starting to have my doubts.  I am wondering how anyone meets up.  There are hot guys on there.  One made a move on me and I hit him back no response.  I made a move on another guy I thought was hot and he hasn’t bothered to respond.  Kind of depressing!

Speaking of depression, I will be headed up to the bedroom but not before brushing my teeth and passing out kitty medicines.  Tomorrow is my last day of rest for 5 whole long days.  Then I get 2 days off, work 2 days and get 5 days off.  Work 2 days and get 5 more off.  Then it’s back to 5 days a week.  I just hope that I am able to enjoy my time off without anyone or anything bothering me.  I need to be free to be able to do what I want to and not worry about anyone else.  I look forward to being with my friends on Christmas day but I am not so thrilled about Christmas it’s self or the 27th which would be our 1 year anniversary on our Civil Union.  To think last year we were getting hitched and this year how things have changed.  It’s all like a very bad dream.

That is all the babble I wish to do at this time.  Stay warm, well and be good to each other.  I will talk with you peeps again soon!

Dancing Boys–NSFW

Thursday…one more day

Tomorrow will be the best day ever!  Why?  Because it’s Friday.  Plus it’s supposed to bring bad weather to the area in the afternoon.  The woosies I work with will complain and we will get to go home early or so I hope.  That is the only perk of working in an office of all women, well that and make up tips if you wear make up.  I don’t! 

All thought I think I accidentally bought some makeup.  I got some Cherry Lip Shimmer from Burts Bees.  It goes on and turns your lips really red, resembles lip stick to me.  Doesn’t seem to aid in healing but it’s got that Burt’s Bees tingle to it.  All I know is I put it on last night and it looked weird, plus some got on my face but I fixed that with a tissue.

My allergic reaction is still with me.  I am dying!  I called my allergist but they haven’t bothered to call back.  I could call my PCP but figure he will just say come in.  So I guess I am better off either suffering it out or stopping in at a local urgent care.  I did find some pills that I was given the last time I broke out in hives.  It’s called Atarax and all I remember is it knocks you out cold.  I slept pretty close to a day.  If I get off early tomorrow and feel adventurous I will take one.  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night scratching, I know I am not supposed to but it itches.  The work day isn’t that bad – morning sucks at first but after a shower and some lotion it’s better soon.  Then about 2pm it starts up slowly and by 5pm I am ready to climb the walls.  I thought Steroids would help me but much to my surprise they haven’t had that big of an effect.  I opt by caution and took a low tapering dose but maybe I need to kick it up a notch.

Speaking of which I ran out of sandwiches for work.  I stopped at a gas station tonight wanting to pick up a cold cut sandwich and they had nothing.  I left and went to a local fast food place where I proceeded to purchase my supper and lunch for Friday.  I dropped $13 which I think is a little high for a couple burgers and an order of onion rings.  They were good but expensive. 

Looking to treat myself tomorrow but not exactly sure how – maybe stopping off at Bob Evans and having some amazing chili that sounds really good.  Maybe I will give in.  Not sure yet.

Well the big discovery of the week is the huge blow up that my boss had about the legal issue I am working on.  Turns out I didn’t mess up after all.  However, I can’t tell him that.  He will think I am a loon and I think it’s just better to let it lye.  I asked for Admin rights to our e-mail and was denied.  Plus he asked me to write a high level overview of the company from an IT perspective.  Both of which don’t bring comfort to me.  I honestly think I am on my way to being thrown out.  There is no ad that I can find listing my specific job but not a whole lot there surprises me.  The feeling is in the air and it’s been there for a while.  I can only hope and pray that I land something before that happens.  That will be a major focus for next year, looking for a new job. 

I mailed the letters yesterday night on the Bankruptcy.  I gave the attorney the benefit of the doubt and thought that he may just come through.  Well he didn’t.  So I did what I had to do.  The chips are going to fall where they may and I can’t help it if there are repercussions  - this isn’t my debt and unless the court can convince me otherwise I am firm on stopping payment. 

No word from the hot guy on the dating site.  I did get a 22 year old looking at me.  That was kind of a booster.  I’d chat him up but he is like a million miles from me.  I think it would start trouble for me and lord knows I don’t need anymore of that.  It’s been a year of trouble, one after the other. 

I am kind of out of thoughts, other than knowing I want to get upstairs and watch TV.  Oh, the furnace is still off kilter.  I believe it’s the logic board in the furnace it’s self.  Nothing more than a motherboard but the last time we had it replaced it was $1,200 that was more than 5 years ago I can only imagine what happened to the price since then.  Right now I am just floating on a wing and a prayer.  Nights are really warm and mornings are really cool.  I am hopeful that it just keeps working because spending money right now isn’t something I want to do unless it’s absolutely necessary.  I am living on borrowed time and savings – not a good combination.  If I get to keep this place I won’t mind spending money on it but right now the least I can get by with the better off I am.  I am fighting until the bitter end but I am totally on the fence for how this will end.  I just hope I can live with the outcome and keep my furry family. 

Speaking of the munchkins they want food so I need to run.  Talk with you peeps later.  Have a great weekend!

Itch and Scratch

Two words that rule my life right now.  I gave in to Steroids this morning.  Been in the bathroom a little bit but the big rush will hit tonight.  It always does.  They drain almost every ounce of water out of your system.  They make me feel hot and moody but that has to be better than the misery I am in.  Talked with a gal at work she suggested Aveno Products.  She said that she loves them and got her husband to use them.  Give it a couple days and things are much better.  Well I will look into them if I am still scratching tomorrow afternoon. 

Had to work the full 8 hours but I was busy.  Technical problems abound.  Very little time to think about anything but work.  I had some breaks but they were short lived. 

I made an adjustment to the Thermostat this morning before I left and the house is doing okay.  Give it 24 hours and I should know for sure if it’s fixed.  You can’t do without heat in the winter especially when it’s bitter cold outside.  I put the electric blanket on my bed and turned it on last night.  Momma jumped up there and she loved it.  It wasn’t until she heard the pop of a can of food that she had the desire to leave.  Cats love heat for some reason. 

Junk in the mail, threw it all away at the post office.  I went to Amazon again last night got a couple of HDMI cables, that goes with my Christmas gift for my friends and one for me.  Picked up some Water Filters for the kids, some medicine for Big Boy and got some lip balm for me.  Didn’t do that much damage and the shipments are split up because they are coming from different vendors.  So it will almost feel like Christmas when they arrive.  Oh I got some Allegra Cooling Anti Itch cream.  I could sure use that today!

For some strange reason I have been really upbeat all day long.  I hope this mood lasts a while because depression was killing me.  Makes me not want to sleep because I am afraid my mood will change tomorrow. 

I polished up my profile on the on-line dating service I joined for free over the weekend.  I have answered like 900 questions, no kidding.  I answered even more and also realized that auto correct screwed up part of my profile so I fixed that.  I got a message that my profile was approved and according to their system gay guys really want me.  Yeah okay then how come no one has messaged me yet?  I took the first step tonight and reached out to the cute guy that caught my eye.  I’ve been thinking about him and looked at his profile once more before I asked him out.  The system indicates that he replies often so we shall see what he has to say.  I’m not holding my breath.

Just remembered that my mom gave me some Aveno Oatmeal Bath packets.  They are years old but right now I am desperate so short of going to the hospital I think the bath is my best bet.  The redness is gone but the itch isn’t.  When I scratch the redness comes back.  I guess now I know what momma is going through. 

If I am still in this good mood tomorrow evening I will be headed to the bar for Taco Tuesday.  It sounds really good and it’s cheap so why not.  I am so hungry right now.  I blame the steroids but usually my appetite doesn’t pick up for a couple days. 

Take care and I will talk with you peeps again soon.

The Seasons for Snow

Yes, we have snow and some ice – the world didn’t come to an end.  Thankfully the work day ended early on Thursday & Friday both days we closed at 2pm.  Hardly worth me driving over, but it all pays the same.  Looks like we should have more snow tomorrow so maybe another day of closing early.  If not I am not sure I can make it through a full 8 hours.  Kind of depressing when you think about it.  Ah, well Mondays are chaotic so chances are good that the day will fly right by.

I got my $250 check yesterday and it’s in the bank.  I had to part with more money from savings to pay a credit card bill and to get a reserve in place for the mortgage. 

I have done a lot of laying around and watching TV.  My new ROKU box.  Which just reminded me to purchase a couple HDMI cables.  I did that so no need to remember.  Love that Amazon dot com. 

Yesterday I went for a massage.  The place that I like to go finally got a massage therapist.  I walk in and ladies are standing around a counter.  There appears to be an elderly customer and all of a sudden they turn to me and say can we help you?  I said yeah I am here for a massage.  You guessed it.  The elderly lady looked at me and said hi I will be doing your massage.  Now she looked old but she was probably in her 60’s which is far from old.  We got to talking and she asked me if I ever heard of cupping.  I thought of the percussion thing that is done on your back to loosen phlegm.  Nope, she was talking about taking a glass globe, putting a ball of alcohol in it and lighting it on fire.  Then she would place it on my back.  The flame would go out and it would form suction on my back.  It would help get out the impurities.  They normally charge extra for this but she wanted to know if I was interested.  Well my back has been extra itchy and I figured maybe this would help.  So I said yes. 

The cupping began and it felt good.  I can only imagine what came out of my back.  Last night I looked at myself in the mirror and it looks like I got into a fight with a vacuum cleaner.  My back is covered with bruises or in this case hickeys.  It is very sore – I just hope it heals before I have to take my shirt off for anyone else, looks hideous.   As if that isn’t bad enough I left the oil she put on my arms on and went about my day.  Turns out I found out the hard way I am allergic to it.  I itch like no tomorrow.  For all I know she put Poison Sumac on me.  I broke out the cortisone cream  this morning and that helped a little.  Now it’s time to break out the Benadryl and if push comes to shove Prednisone.  I would go straight to the steroids but prefer to use them as a last resort.

I have decided that I am going to stop paying his bankruptcy.  The attorney he retained has been non responsive to my e-mails and letters so I figure he must no longer care.  I am giving him a couple more days and if he doesn’t respond then I will be mailing off a letter to the court and explaining how he is not representing his client effectively and that he has lied to the court on more than one occasion.  As if that won’t get some results there is a second letter to a disciplinary committee that deals with lawyers.  So he will get a 1 – 2 punch.  I don’t give a shit.  We haven’t exactly been pals.  He handled my bankruptcy and we had words.  So he isn’t my favorite person in the world.  Not to mention I feel he has lied to me and that I could have gotten out of paying all this time.  Right now the next payment is due the last week of the month.  It will NOT be paid.  That won’t cause a problem.  When next month rolls around and there is no payment then the Trustee will issue a 45 day letter saying you haven’t made your payments and you have to get current by X date or the case will be dismissed.  If we get to that point that is where there is no turning back pay and I would be okay or stop paying and the case is dismissed, which gives the creditors rights to come after his estate.  Now he is dead and I really can’t imagine that any creditor would pursue collection on a debt from a dead man.  So that is the whole purpose of writing the court to find out if there is relief for me to prevent the creditors from doing anything, i.e. a hardship discharge.  I mean he made his payments and I have made 8 of them so it’s not like there wasn’t good faith shown.  He didn’t plan to die and I didn’t plan on him dying before his case was completed.  So I feel that I deserve a break.  Not exactly sure what this will get me but I know I am playing with fire.

Speaking of Fire.  I saw a movie on Netflix called Burn.  It’s all about the Detroit Fire Department.  I liked it so much I watched it twice.  I am really turned on seeing fire in a building.  If the lighting is just right it can look beautiful.  However, thinking about the damage that is being done I don’t wish fire on anyone or anything, other than a candle to burn bright!  If you have Netflix I recommend the movie.

Mr. Blu is full of energy.  I wish I could bottle it and save it for the work week for me.  I wish I had that level of stamina.  Anyway he is knocking things off the fridge and walking on the power strip to my entertainment center.  So my DVR doesn’t record anything all day long because it’s turned off.  He has knocked over a keepsake urn of my late partner and also a teddy bear that was given to me as a gift by my late partner.  I went shopping at Petco for a mat that has rubber bumps on it.  The cats walk on that and don’t like it so they move away – which is the idea.  So I am ready to pay and this guy says I can take you over here.  Okay, he looked fine.  Then he asked me for my phone number so he could look up the rewards card.  I so wanted to say can I have your number?  I didn’t.  Funny thing is he couldn’t get his words out after that.  Perhaps he was falling for me.  I don’t know.  Probably just a case of tongue twisting.  I walked away normally but kept thinking about it.  I wanted to go back and buy something just to have another interaction with him and ask him out, but I didn’t. 

Speaking of guys, I joined Ok Cupid via my iPhone.  Neat service lots of guys to choose from.  The part I hated was all of the damn question I had to answer.  My arm got so tired.  I had to stop and start again the next day.  Finally when my arm began to hurt again I stopped and said I’m done.  I’ve given this thing enough information about me it should be able to find me a match.  I’ve got guys looking at me from far and wide.  No one close.  There is one guy I came across that I can’t stop thinking about.  He would have sex on the first date but I on the other hand would not.  I say that now but who knows how I would react in the heat of the moment.  I have been thinking about reaching out to him just to see if we could hit it off.  I’ve made it clear that I am looking for a very Long Term Relationship in my profile.  So it’s not a matter of hooking up or a pump and dump.  I want a man – someone who can cook and someone I can come home to each night.  It will be difficult to move on and find a replacement for the man I lost but it’s the natural thing to do and I know in time it will happen.  I am so afraid of rejection or things not working that I am almost paralyzed to make the first move. 

I got tired of the Holiday Guy.  The photo was far too large for the blog.  I saw a photo of some Underwear models and snow, much more festive and a better cropped photo so I replaced Holiday guy with the models.  My heart may settle on one man but I think my eyes will always be looking and dreaming of the next man.  Dreaming and acting are two different things.

Yesterday I woke up and the house was cold.  I looked at the thermostat and it said 71 but the house was set at 75.  Why wasn’t it heating?  I turned it off and back on, presto problem solved.  I went about my business and returned to my slumber.  When I awoke again I was in the same boat.  I repeated the process from before and problem was solved.  I figured okay time to buy a new thermostat.  I ventured over to my local home improvement store picked one up and came home.  I got it installed and the AC part worked great.  The heat well not so much.  I finally got it working and took a nap.  All that work wore me out.  Now you see why I need Blu’s energy.  Anyway, when I woke up you guessed it no heat.  Huh?  I tried to make it work again reviewed programming and even called the 800 number but no luck.  The fan wouldn’t even come on.  So I put the old thermostat back, reprogrammed it and got it going again.  I took the new one back this morning.  The old one is still acting crazy but I set it on a high number and put it on hold.  It’s doing a decent job of keeping the chill out of the place.  So I suppose I will leave well enough alone.  No sense in trying to fix what isn’t broke. 

It’s 5pm here so the children are hungry and I have things to do still.  Time for me to run.  Talk with you peeps later.  Hope your staying safe and warm.  2 more weeks and then Christmas will be here.  I am so looking forward to it. Not Christmas but the time off and the free meal at my friends house.  It will all be over so fast but I am going to try and savor every moment from the time I get off work on the 24th to the 29th when I have to go back.  Only for 2 days and then I don’t come back until next year!  After that it will no doubt, suck!

Happy Holidays!

Little Bit of Good News

Working ;my tail end off, high stress lots of people to deal with.  Almost done with this e-mai project, which is a good thing.

I learned yesterday night that the mortgage company I applied with is going to refund my $250 for the Housing Counseling class that I went to.  They said it was a good faith effort on their part.  It actually was to make them look good because I filed complaints with several agencies one of which was the BBB.  That got me the results that I wanted.  They sent me a formal denial today telling me that they can’t help me.  Ah, well I already knew that. 

I got my time off for after Christmas and New Years approved.  So I will have 6 days off for each holiday but it’s only costing me 4 days.  Plus I figure they will let us go early on both Christmas Eve and New Years Eve.  So potentially add a 1/2 day to that!  Not too shabby.

Blu is now climbing on to the top of the refrigerator.  I would never know it but he knocked off a bunch of stuff that was up there.  He is so frisky and has so much energy.  I gave him a plastic ball with a bell in it before I left.  He was in hog heaven.  I thought good maybe you will stop being a brat!  It’s like I need a baby sitter for the cat.  Another reason to miss my guy, he kept some order in the cat kingdom!

I talked with our HR person today and aired my concerns about feeling like I was being ostracized and I was told that wasn’t the case.  I need to talk with my “friend” one on one but there isn’t anything hinky going on and my job isn’t in jeopardy.  Yeah, would you really tell me if my job was in jeopardy?  I mean it’s like knowing that your going to fire someone at 1pm and they ask you at 12:30 are you going to fire me.  What do you tell them yes.  Nope that isn’t the way it works.  I still don’t fully trust people around here and I never will.  There are some who have burned me really bad and others that I would rather not take a chance on.  No offense but I am surrounded by an office of women that is not a good thing.  We need more guys in here to even things out and get some testosterone in the air.  I would say the same thing if I was in an office of all men.  The sexes need to blend at work otherwise things just aren’t right.  Plus the whole culture here is dog eat dog.  That is NOT a good thing at all. 

Tomorrow I am having a heart to heart with my friend and airing my concerns, which I can tell you she already knows they are coming.  That is okay by me, I will still talk it out and I think maybe I can walk away feeling good about it. 

Bad weather should be rolling in.  Everone is freaking out because there is the potential for snow and ice.  I say you can’t do a damn thing about it, why worry.  Just deal with it if and when it happens.  The world doesn’t stop because of snow and ice.  Get a grip, it’s December this type of weather is expected.  Now if it was the middle of July I would worry that it was the end of the world.

I got my new Roku and really love it.  I sure hope my friends like it when I give them theirs for Christmas.  I kind of which I had the new model in my room, lots more features and you can even get movies on demand directly from ROKU.  They require you keep a credit card on file with them, no charge unless you actually watch something.  That could come in handy.  Their prices are reasonable. 

Learning more each day about Paul Walker and his death.  I am still in disbelief that he is gone.  I learned today that he was a Mormon.  No wonder I thought he was hot, something about those Mormon boys.  Looks like his death was the result of an accident.  The car was a V10 and very difficult to control.  If you made a mistake while driving it was unforgiving.  The whole things is just a damn shame.  Paul has a movie that is due to be released this month, I can imagine people will flock to it to show support.  It’s on my list of things to do provided of course that I have money.  I don’t visit the movie theater that often.

That is all I know at the moment.  Talk with you peeps later.  2 more days!  :)

30 minutes = Done with Monday

Things went pretty well for a Monday.  I didn’t like getting up early and didn’t sleep the best but tonight should be different.

Finishing up the e-mail project I have been working on tomorrow.  That will mean a super busy day but it’s a good thing in the end. 

I am looking forward to getting home to the children to see what mischief they have gotten into.  I caught BLU this morning playing with a syringe.  He was just tossing it up in the air and jumping on it.  I took it away from him and gave him a toy to play with but that didn’t hold as much excitement.  There are no needles on any syringes that the cats can get to, so at least I am safe there.  Otherwise they would probably stab me in the middle of the night just for fun. 

Looking at the web for Paul Walker I saw earlier today that it looks like drag racing may have been a factor in the crash.  How sad.  I understand the thrill of it but that is why you do it in a controlled environment like Hollywood.  He was riding in a Porsche that was a V10 and said to be hard to control even for an experienced driver.  I know it would get me in trouble and probably killed which is why I stick with my little V4 it works just fine.  The truck is a V6 and that has some power to it.  I can only imagine what it’s like to drive a V10.  Paul's  daughter is 15 or 16 depending upon which news source you look at. 

In other news my work PC got the BSOD today.  That is the Blue Screen of Death.  Very uncommon in a modern PC today.  The problem I believe was a video driver update.  I removed it and rolled back the driver, thus far all seems stable.  Hopefully it remains that way.  I can’t be rebooting my machine 3 or 4 times in a day.

Thinking about supper and what I should have.  Frozen Fish TV Dinner sounds pretty good but I have some Mexican Soup as well that sounds appealing.  I guess I will see what I feel like when I get home.  I have to get the trash out and prepare for tomorrow.  Try to get out the door early tomorrow, if that is possible. 

So there you have it my Monday.  Not too shabby.  Looking forward to more time off in 3 weeks.  That will be nice.  Our next holiday after January is President’s Day in Feb.  Then we have a long stretch until May when it’s Memorial Day.  Somehow I will manage. 

Have a good evening and I will be back to talk to you peeps again soon.

Sunday Depression

So it’s here the last day of the holiday vacation.  Ugh!  Seems like it went slow but now that today is here things are happening quickly.  I’m sure that my Monday will move by fast which isn’t a problem.  The problem is going back to work.  I really don’t want to.  However, I shall.  I will be submitting my PTO requests in a few days.  I don’t believe there will be a problem, considering that I am always there and have only taken 2 days thus far. 

The house is a little bit cleaner.  I found a few things and got to travel down memory lane.  I made some new memories in spending time with the kids.  They are all so much fun!

Yes, I trimmed Shy Girls claws, they were actually in really good shape, could have waited a couple more weeks.  However, you don’t know that until you look and if I am going through all that trouble might as well trim what is there.  She made a little mess but she made it clear that she would take care of it.  I tried to feed her special food but she was pretty mad so she didn’t come out.  I will be headed up shortly for snack time.  I’ll bet you she comes out for that. 

I’ve got to shave all of these whiskers off my face so I look pretty for Monday.  Shaving once a week is quite a perk for me.  I think I look the best around Wednesday or Thursday.  After that it needs to come off. 

Listening to my tunes on the Bluetooth Speaker I got.  Sounds pretty nice, even if it isn’t what I want. 

The trash is all set to get set out tomorrow night.  I finally got to watch the last 2 episodes of Alpha House.  They won’t play on my Roku but they will play on my Smart TV which broadcast in full HD.  Not exactly sure why that is but ah well. 

Got to find something nice to watch tonight, take some sleeping pills and drift into dream land.  I did manage to take a short nap today and will understand totally if I am up until 11 but that will really suck when 6 comes tomorrow morning.  By Tuesday everything should be back to normal, until then it’s just going to be hell.

Putting the final touches and migrating the last of the users this week for e-mail so we will all be on one server.  That will be nice not to deal with returned e-mail and to actually have a GAL (Global Address Book) for the company. 

Thinking of my guy and how much I miss him.  Not just him but others that are no longer in my life.  Kind of sad all of the people we lose along the way.  Each of them graced us with their presents and hopefully we learned something from them.  Knowledge is power.  It’s great to have learned so much but far greater to be able to impart that knowledge to others.

Well time to scoot, this is just blather and it’s not going to shave those whiskers off my face.  Have a good night and I will talk with you again soon.  Ciao!

Stunned & Saddened

Last night I went to put my iPhone on the charger and noticed a pop up from CNN.  I frequently ignore these but read it and screamed in disbelief.  It said words to the effect… “Paul Walker film star of Fast & Furious has died in a car crash according to his agent”. 

I launched Facebook and it was all lit up with condolences and Lance Bass even said it wasn’t a PR stunt it was real.  I just couldn’t comprehend it.

So how much worse can this year get?  That is a question I just don’t want to ask.  We have a mere 4 weeks and 3 days left I don’t want to jinx anything. 

I had a HUGE crush on Paul Walker from the moment I laid eyes on him.  He was beautiful and yes he was straight.  I was stunned to learn that he had a daughter.  I found that out when I was browsing on Hulu and came across an ET interview.  That makes his passing so much sadder.  His daughter now has to go through life without a father.  In the interview, not sure when it was done but they said she was 16.  My guess is that she is probably still under age 20.

I loved the Fast & Furious series and me and my partner watched everyone together, with the exception of 6 which I had to watch by myself.  I know that 7 is in production but not exactly how far they are along with it and if it will in fact release.  I suppose we can only stay tuned.

The part that really makes me uneasy about his passing is that he was only 2 years younger than me.  I guess only the good die young!

Rest In Peace Paul Walker.

Horny Holiday Time

When I think of my blog and Christmas the Santa Spanking photo comes to mind….

For you guys the naked guy is Tommy Anders who was a porn star for Helix Studios.  This photo or something from this series has been a staple of my blog at Christmas time for quite sometime.  This year however, I am doing things differently.

You see an Abercrombie model at the top of the page.  It’s years old and something that I wanted to use for a while.  I always forgot about it.  Tonight when I went looking for Tommy’s photo I found it.  I figured why not be different.

I had a couple holiday backgrounds that I wanted to use but couldn’t find on my machine.  My mind these days is like scrambled eggs.  I’m sure they are here but I don’t remember what they are called.  So I relied on my friend Google.  He didn’t disappoint I got the background you see from Deviant Art.  A gay Christmas Tree!

I did manage to locate a different background at first but it just wouldn’t work for my site.  However, I want to show you so you can at least appreciate it.

Very colorful like a peacock, just a shame it wouldn’t work for me.  There are so many images both X and G rated that I had to pick from but I think my choices are pretty good, I am content with them at least for now.  I hope you like them too.

The ‘Holidays’ aren’t exactly going to be the same for me but I am sure I will manage to make it through them..  That doesn’t mean I will be happy all the time and it doesn’t mean I won’t cry but it does mean that my life will continue in a forward direction. It won’t be easy but we will get there!

Today …. I got up early, fed the children, made plain oatmeal put way too much cinnamon on it, threw it out and started over with plain oatmeal and used cinnamon – sugar and that went down quite well.  I called a friend to wish her a Happy Birthday and then watched TV.  I fell back asleep and took a nice nap with momma in my bed.  If I wasn’t asleep I would have sworn I had a stroke.  I was 1/2 awake and when I fell asleep my arm was around momma.  I woke up to turn over and my arm wouldn’t do anything that I wanted it to.  It kept hitting me in the face and my fingers felt funny.  I eventually got situated and fell back asleep.  When I woke up it was 1pm and my arm was doing fine. 

I jumped in the shower and threw on some clothes (well I dried off first).  Then off to the pharmacy to pick up Momma’s medicine.  The cute guys were off today – note to self never go pick up medicine on a Saturday no cute guys working.  Then it was off to the Post Office where medicine and bills awaited me.  From there it was off to Cat Food and then finally home sweet home.  I put away the cat food, fed the beggars lunch.

Then I left in the truck and went to the pizza place.  Got a nice Chicago Pie with Sausage, Pepperoni and I threw in onion for the hell of it.  Shouldn’t have added the onion the taste is all off.  Anyway I didn’t stuff my self I came home with 5 pieces so there is another meal or two, depending upon how hungry I am. 

I did some basement cleaning, but nothing like I wanted to.  My heart wasn’t in to it.  However, the trash guy won’t be too happy with me.  Just wait some day I will be cleaning out the deep freeze and man that day will truly suck for him.  I’m waiting for colder weather.  I can keep the stuff in the garage w/o it spoiling because it will already be cold.  Then lug it out to the street and when he shows up that is when he will be mad.

I watched some TV with Big Boy and trimmed his claws as well as petted him.  He loves the attention.  He has turned into quite the picky eater.  I also realized that with my time off I haven’t been consistent with his medicine and that means he is going to have some stomach issues.  Poor guy.  Ah well I will remember it’s all my fault when I am cleaning up the mess.  If it wasn’t for remembering that I would have cleaned the carpets.

I got an e-mail offer to come back to Men.com a porn site.  They made it really attractive offer and well I dropped a few dollars.  I am back for 3 months and then I am gone.  I’ve been thinking about Tyler Sweet and Johnny Rapid so this will help ease my cravings for them.

Speaking of cravings I sure could go for some White Castle.  I’d say perhaps tomorrow but nah, I will be eating here.  Like it or not.  Saving the pennies is what it is all about.

I will get paid again this week and my check is already spoken for if I schedule my car payment from this check.  Thankfully we have another pay day later in the month, so I will schedule it but it will come out of the next check.  I get to pay off my credit card like I plan on every month.  No need to go into debt if I don’t have to.

I logged into the Gay Dating site I joined and made sure to cancel my membership.  It was cheap but I am not getting any hits, no date is coming from an on-line site for me – at least that is my opinion.  Now I am sure if I just wanted to hook up for sex well maybe I could find someone.  Not exactly sure where to begin looking for Mr. Right.  I don’t want to go to a bar or a club.  Everyone wants someone who is good looking but it’s what is on the inside that counts and I don’t mean in his pants.  I just want that good guy and if he looks good well that would be an added plus for me.  Maybe I am meant to be single for a while.  Lord knows the children keep me pretty busy. 

I am loving lounging around in my sweats, they are so comfy I forgot all about them.  I am changing up my bed clothes to something different.  Heavier comforter for Winter.  I would like the bring the electric blanket up but I know it would make it far too hot for me.  I can’t sleep if it is hot – no matter if it’s winter or summer.

Tomorrow is Sad Sunday when reality sets in that I have to go back to work on Monday.  The kids won’t know what to do and I wonder if I can make it through an entire day without a nap.  I did it before but the bigger question is can I do it again? 

I have to go back to the grocery store tomorrow, which won’t be any fun for me or my wallet.  However, I hope to wind up with something good.  I thought about trying my hand at making chili but I am not quite sure about it just yet.  Thinking that maybe it’s better to hit up Bob Evans and get a quart or two for $5.  I can make my own cheeseburger to go with that w/o any problems!

Not sure if I mentioned it but my brother got a job.  He started this past Monday.  He said it’s a job.  Doesn’t exactly sound like he is thrilled but perhaps his tune will change when he gets his first check.  Money has a way of creating motivation or at least it does for me. 

Can’t believe that in 15 minutes it will be December 1 already.  Feels so strange to be all alone this time of year.  I am thankful for what I have but wish I could have so much more. 

Oh since you managed to read this far, the big news is I found out tonight that I wont the lottery.  Yes it’s a very small amount a whopping three dollars.  However it’s better than nothing.  I can turn around and buy another ticket, maybe lady luck will stick with me and I can win the jackpot.  That sure would be nice.  I wouldn’t mind splitting or having to share it with another winner  - I would like enough to retire but I will gladly settle for enough to keep me comfortable for many years to come.  I guess we shall see what the God’s have in store for me. 

The kids want to go to bed and I really want to stay up but my eye sight is starting to diminish which is a nice way of my body telling me you need to go to bed. 

Before I go just want to list a couple more accomplishments that I made today.  I found a serial cable for my TiVo and my cable box supports it so I hooked it up and it works great, until you put in a high channel number like 181.  Then it just starts jumping channels and won’t stop.  Glad I found that out in advance.  I switched back to the blasted IR Blaster, which more often than not doesn’t tell the box to change to the right channel and I don’t get all of the programs I want to watch. 

I reclaimed my dresser by putting away all of the junk that was piled upon top of it.  I also moved a snow globe that was given to my partner to a bookshelf.  Since Blu has taken to knocking things off I wouldn’t want him to break the globe, it’s not something that can be replaced.  It is one of a kind. 

Okay so I am wrapping it up.  Happy Holidays! Off to get some beauty sleep, I hear I really need it.  Then we can enter Sad Sunday together.  Perhaps I will accomplish more tomorrow or perhaps it will just be one last chance to lounge and nap.  Time will tell.  Talk with you peeps later!