Momma

I got a curve ball yesterday.  Momma didn’t want to eat anything in the morning and kept looking at me as I opened can after can for her to try.  Not to worry her children were there to eat up what would have been wasted food.  I got an idea an opened a jar of baby food.  Long story short she ate the whole jar.  She asked for more and I refused.  I gave her regular food at 10:30a because she was still hungry.  By noon she was throwing up and it was violent, it knocked her off her feet.  She wasn’t walking right.  I suspected a stroke. 

She was dehydrated and I called the vet, at this point I knew that she needed medical care.  Turns out they were all booked up and it would have been an emergency if we went over, that costs extra because your upsetting the apple cart.  I hung up in disgust and got a call back in about 15 minutes offering me a 6p appointment, which I took. 

For the rest of the day Momma was out of sorts, she would just stare into space and if I made a sudden move she felt the need to be by myside.  I felt so bad for her.  I did try to hydrate her but wound up making a mess. 

We got to the vet and the long and short of it was suspected high blood pressure, kidney issues and/or she had a stroke or a TIA.  She was dehydrated.  They drew blood, filled her up and took her blood pressure.  Blood pressure was elevated but not high.  So now we wait for the blood work to come back to find out about her kidneys.  The only way to tell for sure that she has had a stroke/TIA is to do an MRI and that is not an option.  So they will go off of behavior as to how she is doing. 

True to form she put on her disguise when the vet let her walk around the room and she walked perfectly.  The second we got home she was back to not tracking properly.  In case your wondering I worked from home yesterday not only because of momma but because I too was exhausted.  Funny how my exhaustion went out the window when I saw she was in distress. 

I can’t express in words how scared I was that yesterday was going to be her last day.  I just had a bad feeling about it.  But she is a tough old woman and thus far she is pulling it together.  This morning she is still picky about eating but did eat a little bit.  She is drinking water.  A couple of times I have spied on her and I see that she is sleeping in her nook. 

Remember a couple weeks ago when I thought I found her expired?  Well the vet seems to think that is when she had a stroke.  I don’t believe that because she was normal, I think she was just really sound asleep. 

She is down to 3 pounds from weighing in at 5 pounds a little over a year ago.  Part of that is water weight but still it’s a considerable amount of weight for her to lose.  Changes are pretty good that she won’t bulk up considering her age. The vet told me that she feels pretty strongly that Momma is trying to die on me.  I kind of had that vibe going already. 

I got fluids to take home because they feel pretty strongly that I am going to need to keep her hydrated.  I’m fine with that just as long as were not doing this every day.  While I am trying to come to grips with the fact she is on her way out, it’s tough to prepare for that.  I sure hope that she continues to improve and we can have more time together.  Ideally the rest of this year would be okay but that will fly by and regardless of when the time is I won’t be ready to let her go.  I don’t want her to expire but at the same time I don’t want to have to make the decision to end her life.  Death is something that I struggle with – I always have and I always will. 

I was telling Momma yesterday that we sure did have a good life and then one day slowly everyone in the house started dying.  I am down 1 person and 4 cats in a 5 year period.  That is a lot of loss to deal with in a short amount of time.  2 of those were just last year.  Life has gotten back to a sense of normal but I just can’t imagine a day without my Momma.  She is the center of the universe for me and she knows it.  I think that she is trying to prepare me or at least was yesterday.  I am cautiously optimistic about her complete recovery. 

The others know something is up and they have known long before I did.  That is the unfortunate part is no one can truly talk to me to let me know.  I have to judge based on behavior and common sense.  If they could talk in the same language as me, wow it would make a world of difference. 

Keep us in your thoughts.  I’ll keep you posted.  Now more than ever I am really exhausted and stress well that is at an all time high.  Hopefully tonight will bring some comfort and relaxation.  I also hope that she goes back to eating and isn’t so picky.