Gone but still there

My brother phoned this afternoon to tell me that his girlfriend had moved out.  As a reminder she moved out to give him space and because their relationship is toxic.  He hasn’t changed the locks on the door, she has come back and woken him up one time.  He hasn’t blocked her phone number because he is afraid that will drive her over the edge.  I told him that he need a giant mute button when it comes to her.  He is going to change the locks tomorrow but I don’t know if he will ever block her from calling or texting.  This is supposed to be a break as in temporary.  She committed to a year lease on her apartment so hopefully it will be a year where they both can get their heads together and move on with their lives.  I pray he doesn’t get back together with her and for sure I pray he doesn’t marry her.

One thing I that I told him holds true for everyone.  You are responsible for your own actions or inactions and if you don’t take care of yourself, don’t expect anyone else to do it for you. 

He’s scared and lonely right now plus he is mourning the loss of a relationship.  Plus he has a near empty house and he has to furnish it now.  I told him you can buy what you want, you don’t need to get someone’s approval.  You can also eat what and when you want.  There is good and bad to everything but look more at the positives than the negatives.  I think and hope with sometime he will move on and perhaps find a new person for his life.  I told him if he ever gets lonely to call me, we can go to the gay bar.  He laughed at that.  It’s funny to me that he laughs at some of the things I say.

I did my usual day.  Woke up in the middle of the night.  Marv had an accident and I had to clean it up.  It was 3a and there was no going back to bed after that.  I watched some TV and drank a sports drink.  Eventually I was able to fall back to sleep.  My mistake was I slept in the same bed with Gator.  She don’t move at all.  She stretches out and becomes concrete.  You can nudge her all night long she will stay put.  So I didn’t sleep real well but I got in a few more hours.  Then up and off to grab breakfast.  Hit up the grocery store, the car wash, the gas station and then finally my favorite stop of them all, home. 

I had some plans for major cleaning this weekend but since my laziness kicked in that didn’t get done.  I have taken time for myself and spent time with the kids, so it’s been an okay weekend but not the worst or the greatest. 

My porn hard drive is down to one TB of space left.  I want and need a new drive.  I want to pull the trigger but since I don’t exactly know what the future has in store for me I feel like waiting is the right thing to do.  Perhaps after payday this week I will feel more confident.  It’s not major money it’s less than $200 but that can be a lot of money if you don’t have it. 

Boss man is out on Monday so hopefully things will be calm.  I have a lot of catchup work to do.  HR is putting in end of year departures like a 2 year old eating from a pez dispenser.  I may not have to process them all but I do have to gather background information on all of them and complete multiple spreadsheets because I am the only qualified to do it.  Stupid has tried in the past and he fails miserably so I just do, that way I know it’s done and if there is a mistake I know where to look. 

Thinking about it if Santa were real there would be a few things that I would ask him for.  Top of the list would be a man, money, happiness, having stupid grow a brain and whatever else I can’t manage to think of now.  Honestly I think that if I got a man the rest would just fall in place.  With that in mind I joined a new dating app called Chappy.  It’s just like Tindr but only for gay people.  I don’t have any location issues like I do with Tindr.  At work our network is out of 1 major city and then we have branches so I get guys that are constantly not in my area.  I hate that, because when I find someone I like I take a look and they are a million miles away.  I know that 2 apps increase my odds of meeting someone but I really hope I strike gold.  I have high standards as I think a lot of people do. 

So here’s to the week ahead.  May it be warmer, fast moving, productive and quiet.  I get to see my co-worker who has cancer tomorrow.  I don’t know that he has a lot of options available for treatment but he went to find out on Friday.  Thursday I told him a little bit more about me and came out to him without saying I am gay just that I lost my spouse and he at one time had colo/rectal cancer.  This is a different ball game for him, he’s got it in his bones and in his lung.  It’s Stage 4 and that is the worst it can be.  He is struggling to make it from day to day and each day I see another small piece of him die, it’s very minor but I honestly think he won’t be around a lot longer.  It’s really sad because he is a great guy and his mind is sharper than a razor.  With age come experience and he has been through the mill in 65 years of life, which by the way is still young even though it sounds old. 

So long for now.  I’ll be back to tell you more about what unfolds this week.  I hope there is way more good than bad.  I hope you like the changes I made to the theme, not exactly what I wanted but it’s fresh.