Recovery

I believe I am in recovery mode from this latest illness.  Sunday I spent 5 hours in the “good” emergency room.  I got a chest x-ray, tested for the flu and blood work done.  I also got the same diagnosis of Bronchitis.  They told me it was viral but again I disagree.  They told me to stop taking my steroids because that is what was keeping me up at night.  They also said they weren’t really helping me but I should finish the antibiotic.  Really ? If it’s a virus that I have and the antibiotic isn’t doing anything why finish it?  There was no response to that question.  They told me to stay home on Monday and go back to work on Tuesday.  Hell I was 1 day away from the 5 day minimum for Short Term Disability.  I decided as bad as I felt I was taking time for me, nothing else mattered. 

Sunday is grocery shopping day but I never made it.  I got as far as going out for breakfast and then drove myself to the ER.  I stopped for a sandwich on the way home and then came home to collapse.  I stayed in my bedroom for the remainder of the day.  The remaining cats are clinging to me like glue.  They are also a bit confused.  However, I am still passing out food and emptying the litter box so they seem content.

There is no question that I have been under intense stress from work and then at home with Ruth.  I know this illness isn’t timed the best but everything happens for a reason and I believe that to be designed to force me to take a break.

My boss reached out to me today and he needed help with only something he thought I could do.  I didn’t bother to tell him otherwise but there are plenty of others who could have helped.  I shouldn’t have helped at all because it could easily fuck me out of STD but I didn’t document my time worked.  He’s also not smart enough to reach out to HR to tell them I am out.  So I will have to call when I get back and let them know so I can start the process to collect STD, it will only be a couple days but hey I want every penny that is coming to me. 

This is the first time I have been in front of my computer other than earlier this morning.  It kind of feels good to be back.  I even took a break from my phone.  I’d power it on in the morning to tell my boss that I wasn’t coming and then turn it back off.  Good thing that I decided to power it on this morning and leave it on.  So I think I will go back to normal on that as well.  Social Media really stacks up as well, with plenty of content for me to review. 

I haven’t shaved either and I look horrible, but then again I have felt horrible.  I plan to go over my face with a trimmer tonight and then actually shave on Sunday as normal.  My goal is to return to the office on Monday and that will resume life as I know it.  There is a ton of crap in my inbox and lots of things others have had to pickup in my absence.  I think everyone got a good dose of what I actually do and that hopefully will help me in the long run. 

As for being a prisoner in my own home, it’s been a nightmare.  Searching for something to watch is a never ending task.  I consume TV at a rapid rate.  I am running low on Soda and damn near out of milk.  My beverage of choice has been ice water.  I know it’s the best thing for me to loosen things up and flush them out.  My plumbing also got backed up which didn’t help.  That issue is resolved.  Now if I could just get rid of this flehm and cough, as well as the slight fever I believe I have that would be swell. 

My first day that I started to feel somewhat back to normal was yesterday.  This morning was a little rough and I thought I was going backwards but once I started back on the water that helped.  I wanted to nap but my body wouldn’t allow me to. 

Everything is on the low end here and if it wasn’t for my surplus of TV dinners I would have been screwed.  It’s times likes these that I am reminded of actually how alone I am.  It’s frightening and depressing to think about.  I am pretty well sure if I reached out I could get someone to get some groceries for me but there are also delivery services now.  I more needed company than anything.  You can’t get that through a phone call.  Thank God for the remaining cats that I have.  Momma and Gator have taken turns bossing me around.  Marv has been chatty and craving attention.  I get kisses from Momma and Marv, always have.  They think my arms are spare ribs and tasty at that.  I haven’t exactly been fair to them with their medicine and I am behind.  Today I took a good look at Momma and she is getting damn thin, despite all of the food I have put out.  Were gonna have to fatten her up.  Marv is doing okay and Gator well there isn’t anything to worry about she is as plump as can be. 

It’s taken me a couple days to come to terms with the fact that I am left with 3 out of the 5.  Losing any of them is difficult.  I pray that the remaining 3 don’t go any time soon and that when it’s their time it won’t be from Cancer or anything related to Cancer.  With idle time I start to look back through photos and videos.  I find that everyone is searching for fussy Ruth but no one can find her.  I’ve explained that she is gone but I don’t know that they get it.  Momma seems most particularly disturbed because Ruth was her shadow.  Gator looked forward to washing her in the morning before breakfast and I miss seeing her face and seeing her dance around.  Marv I think is confused but happy there isn’t anyone to boss him around but Gator has really stepped up to the plate on that front.  We have an even balance here with Marv & Me being the Guys and Gator & Momma being the Girls.  It’s not the balance that I want but I am thankful that I have it.  Things can always be worse. 

So I made a doctors appointment this morning.  Can’t see my doc have to see the bitch Nurse Practionier whom I hate with a passion, just in case it’s not obvious.  Once I figured that out I opted to schedule for Friday.  That way she has to write a note to cover my absence and that isn’t asking too much.  If I went in early she could have easily kicked me loose and I’d rather just take the rest of the week, do some moderate activity, nothing crazy.  Sort of a ramp up approach to going back to Full Time.  I know there are plenty of people that will be happy to see me back.  I pray there aren’t any hoops to jump through and that things flow smoothly to get me back to where I belong.  I honestly miss it but at the same time I had a chance to reflect and now can understand why people take vacation.  I don’t use my time like that, I take a day here and there normally with plenty left but this year will be the exception to that.  Next year I get more time because it will be my 5th year I think it’s like 3 or 4 days more and hey I could use that now. 

I’ll keep you posted on how things go.  Tomorrow I’m going to try to get to the grocery store to grab a few things.  I will go back on Sunday as per my normal routine. 

Here’s hoping that the remaining days and months this year bring me joy or at least are drama/trouble free.  I’m interested to know how/when my promotion will come to pass, if at all.  I kind of think they are holding out until the 1st of the year.  That is usually when those happen.  So I get end of year departures and then it’s followed with a bunch of title/job changes.  It’s a busy time of the year.  Thanks for stopping by.