Friday

As for me I am feeling a bit better, still coughing on occasion and my body is still making sinus soup.  I was up most of the night, steroids have me amped up.  I took a muscle relaxer which normally knocks me out but I guess the steroids masked that.  I took my sleeping pill and was out for a couple hours.  Watched TV and watched the kids all sleep in my room.  They are so adorable.  Ruth even climbed up in my bed. 

As for Ruth I can’t say there is much improvement.  I gave her some fluids this morning.  She had a decent knot and I didn’t want to over do things so I wrapped things up and she scurried away.  There was a lot of hissing going on and I did have the gloves on when I captured her.  I had to spike a fresh bag of fluids and am glad that I have them on hand.  It’s one way her brother is helping her even though he’s not here any longer.  So she hid and I supposed napped for the afternoon.  She immerged for lunch and was interested in the food but maybe ate 1 bite.  She didn’t have anything for breakfast.  She had me dancing all over the place and I opened a bunch of food which I wound up throwing away.  I even broke into the baby food again and she wasn’t interested in that. 

I made a vet appointment for tomorrow.  I think it’s going to be her last day.  That is unless by way of some miracle she starts eating again that I can see.  I have watched her consume water tonight which was kind of fun but she didn’t appreciate me watching.  Either I didn’t give the steroid shot right or she has stopped responding to it.  The vet might have another suggestion or trick but I seriously doubt it and I think sadly we have reached the end of the road.

I’ve been thinking about it all day long.  I even wrote an obituary for her on paper to try to deal with some of my feelings.  At supper time is when I broke down, I started talking to her and telling her how I enjoyed getting to know her and that I was blessed to take care of her for 14 years.  She has been quite the pistol to deal with but I know deep down inside there is a sweet girl in there.  I hated to have that conversation with her but it’s necessary for closure.  I really think she understands what I am saying and I think she might be worried herself.  I don’t know if she is in pain or not but I can say for certain she isn’t her normal happy self.  She’s not playing but she does show interest in food which is good.  I just wish she would eat.  I know that even if it’s not tomorrow there will come a point in time where we have to part ways.  Poor girl I feel so bad not only for what is to come but how she feels today.  It really hurts to watch her go through this.  It’s been a couple weeks and it feels like it’s been much longer. 

The good points if tomorrow if her day is that it will be over, she won’t be suffering or in discomfort and I won’t have anything to worry about.  There will be time to grieve before I go back to work.  I just have to hope that everyone else stays healthy which includes me as well. 

Regardless of which way it goes I am eager for closure as this is a true nightmare.  I wish that surgery was an option but I realize that no one lives forever on earth.  I hope that I can make it through this.  I feel oddly numb and being sick and on medication I think is part of it.  Were not scheduled until the afternoon so if she starts eating breakfast I will cancel the appointment. 

Work left me along for the day and my boss is taking my on-call so essentially I am free for the weekend.  This has been a suck ass week and I hope the future is better and brighter not only for me but for the cats as well. 

Thanks for stopping by to get this update.  I am going to get a facial, take a shower and hopefully relax and go to sleep.  I am so bored being cooped up in this house and I have exhausted the content on my DVR, Netflix and Amazon.  I’m ready to run away.  I plan to publish another update tomorrow on how things go good or bad.